THINGS HULK THINKS ABOUT WHEN THERE IS NO POWER

HULK FINISHING UP OTHER COLUMNS SO IN THE MEANTIME, HERE’S EXACTLY WHAT HULK JUST SAID, A LIST OF THINGS HULK THINKS ABOUT WHEN THERE IS NO POWER:

-WHAT EVERY SINGLE OTHER MOVIE WOULD HAVE BEEN LIKE IF DIRECTED BY STANLEY KUBRICK

-HOW JOHN HAMM DEALS WITH KNOWING THAT EVERY SINGLE PERSON TALKING TO HIM, MALE OR FEMALE, JUST IS THINKING ABOUT KISSING HIM AT THAT MOMENT.

-SPORTS!

-WHY NO ONE SEEMS TO TALK ABOUT THE FACT WOLVERINE SMELLS BAD

-BUT NOT AS BAD AS BEAST

-WHY IS EVERYONE ON X-BOX LIVE SO DAMN RACIST? AND WHEN WILL THE POWER COME BACK ON SO HULK CAN PLAY X-BOX AGAIN?

-IF HULK’S MASSIVE HATE OF BRETT RATNER STEMS FROM A CHILDHOOD INCIDENT INVOLVING RATNER TOUCHING HULK’S BATHING SUIT AREA.

-WHAT IT’S LIKE TO RIDE A ROLLERCOASTER. HULK TOO BIG FOR ROLLERCOASTERS. #HULKPEOPLEPROBLEMS

-HOW THE MOST RIDICULOUS CAPITAL-H-HYPOCRISY STEMS FROM ANYONE BEING ANTI-IMMIGRATION IF THEY’RE NOT, LIKE, NATIVE AMERICAN. BUT THIS GOES DOUBLE FOR ANYONE OF THE ANYONE OF LATE 1800-1900’S WAVE OF IRISH, JEWISH, ITALIAN, OR GERMAN.

-ROCKS

-WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO THAT ONE GUY HULK KNEW FROM HIGH SCHOOL (WHO ISN’T ON FACEBOOK).

-HOW THE LAST DECADE WOULD BE DIFFERENT IF GEORGE LUCAS HAD SOMEONE AROUND HIM TELLING HIM “NO.”

-THE PARENTS OF THE FOLLOWING PEOPLE WHO SHOULD GET MEDALS FOR NAMING THEIR KIDS PERFECTLY: KIRBY PUCKETT, NAOMI WATTS, BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH, HANK AZARIA, HONEYSUCKLE WEEKS, AND HERBIE HANCOCK (THAT HIS REAL NAME?).

-WHAT’S UP WITH ALL THE BUGS?

-HOW FUCKING SMART STEVEN SODERBERGH IS.

-WHAT HULK WILL SAY IN THE EVENT OF A SURPRISE ARRIVAL THE PEARLY GATES (AFTER YEARS OF ATHEISM)

HULK NOW ON FACEBOOK AND STUFF

IT TOTALLY AWKWARD, BUT IN THIS AGE OF INTERNETTIN’, SELF-PROMOTION = INEVITABLE NECESSITY.

IF GOAL TO ACTUALLY SHARE WHAT HULK HAVE SAY (WHICH IT IS) THEN THERE JUST CERTAIN STEPS NEED BE TAKEN, SO HULK GONNA SUCK IT UP AND DEAL.

AS PART OF THIS SHARING CONTENT INITIATIVE, HULK INVITE YOU LIKE FILM CRIT HULK’S NEW FACEBOOK PAGE.

PROPER LINK HERE: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Film-Crit-Hulk/203700956335197

HULK GONNA POST ARTICLES, UPDATES, PICTURES, ALL THAT STUFF THAT MAKE IT EASIER TO HOPEFULLY ENJOY HULK.

PLEASE “LIKE” IT IF SO INCLINED.

IF NOT, THAT OKAY. WE STILL COOL.