WHY YOU SHOULD WATCH DR. WHO

YOU SHOULD GO TO BEGINNING OF CURRENT ITERATION OF DR. WHO AND START WATCHING IT.

RIGHT NOW.

WHY?

BECAUSE DR. WHO MIGHT BE HULK’S FAVORITE TELEVISION SHOW.

EVER.

… THAT A PRETTY GRAND STATEMENT, FULL OF ALL SORTS OF HYPERBOLE AND WHATEVER, BUT IT TRUE. A LOT OF AMERICANS MAY BE CONFUSED BY HULK’S RECOMMENDATION, WHEREAS A LOT OF HULK’S U.K. READERS WONDERING WHY AMERICANS WOULD BE CONFUSED AT ALL. SEE, WHILE DR. WHO AN INTRINSIC PART OF YOUR TELEVISION HISTORY AND A CULTURAL TALKING POINT, IT NOT REALLY THAT WELL-KNOWN OVER HERE IN THE STATES.(1) AS OF JUST A FEW MONTHS AGO, EVEN HULK JUST KNEW A BIT OF THIS HISTORY OF THE SHOW AND ITS IMPORTANCE AND NOT MUCH MORE. IT TOOK THE OUTRIGHT INSISTENCE OF A FEW FRIENDS TO CONVINCE HULK TO STARTING WATCHING AND, OBVIOUSLY, HULK VERY GLAD HULK DID.

BUT SERIOUSLY, FAVORITE???

CONSIDERING THE DEPTH OF TRULY GREAT TELEVISION, HULK’S PROCLAMATION MAY SEEM OUTRIGHT ABSURD. HULK CAN IMAGINE YOU SITTING THERE SAYING “BUT HULK? WHAT ABOUT ____ SHOW!” AND CHANCES ARE YOU NAME SOMETHING TOTALLY DESERVING. IN FACT, HULK HAVE A WHOLE LIST OF MODERN SHOWS THAT OBJECTIVELY “BETTER” THAN DR. WHO (YOU FREE TO ARGUE WITH ANY OF THESE): THE WIRE IS UNQUESTIONABLY THE BEST TV SHOW EVER. THE SOPRANOS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT. MAD MEN IS THE MOST INTERESTING. BREAKING BAD HAS THE BEST PERFORMANCE. LOST IS THE MOST AMBITIOUS (DRAMA). COMMUNITY IS THE MOST AMBITIOUS (COMEDY). SIX FEET UNDER IS THE DEEPEST (OR AT LEAST ALWAYS TRIED TO BE). BUFFY IS THE MOST ENTERTAINING. FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS IS THE MOST HUMBLE. THE SHIELD IS THE MOST INTENSE. TWIN PEAKS WAS THE MOST WONDERFULLY LYNCHIAN (THAT ITS OWN THING). ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT IS THE WITTIEST. BATTLESTAR GALACTICA IS THE MOST AUDACIOUS. FREAKS AND GEEKS AND MY-SO-CALLED LIFE ARE THE MOST PAINFULLY HUMAN AND WELL-OBSERVED. SEINFELD IS THE MOST ORIGINAL. HOMICIDE, MR. SHOW, AND THE LARRY SANDERS SHOW ARE THE MOST AHEAD OF THEIR TIME. THE OFFICE (UK) IS THE MOST INSPIRED. AND THE SIMPSONS (GOLDEN AGE) IS THE ABSOLUTE FUNNIEST.

BUT DR. WHO MIGHT BE HULK’S FAVORITE.(2)

NOT PLEASED

WARNING: HULK’S FAVORITISM MAY JUST BE DUE TO FACT THAT HULK JUST SPENT THE LAST FEW MONTHS ON NETFLIX STREAMING, WHIZZING THROUGH THE MODERN RESURRECTION OF THE SHOW (STARTING IN 2005) AND NOW HULK COMPLETELY CAUGHT UP. WATCHING TV SHOWS IN THE “ALL AT ONCE” MANNER HAVE TENDENCY TO THROW BLINDERS ON VIEWER AND THROW REGARD FOR SHOW OUT OF WHACK… BUT HULK PRETTY GOOD AT BEING ABLE TO CONTEXTUALIZE WHATEVER HULK WATCHING; TO REMEMBER HOW HULK FELT WATCHING OTHER PROGRAMS AND WHY HULK WANTED TO KEEP WATCHING. THIS RELEVANT BECAUSE THE REASONS HULK FELT COMPELLED TO IMMEDIATELY WATCH THE NEXT EPISODE OF THE WIRE, OFTEN FAR DIFFERENT FROM THE REASONS HULK WANTED TO WATCH THE NEXT DR. WHO. MEANING EVEN IF NET RESULT THE SAME (GOOD TV LARGELY LIKE CRACK ADDICTION), THE REASONS WERE DIFFERENT. AND THE SPECIFIC NATURE OF THOSE REASONS LARGELY TELL YOU EVERYTHING ABOUT THE SHOW.

FOR ONE, THE FEELING OF WATCHING DR. WHO EQUATABLE WITH SIMPLE ELATION. THIS ENTIRE RUN BEEN AN ABSOLUTE JOY. SURE, THE SERIES STARTS OFF JUST A TAD BIT ROCKY WITH THE BUDGET-CONSTRAINED FIRST SEASON AND GENERAL UNSURENESS ABOUT THE WORLD OF THE SHOW (THERE A REASON THE SLEVEEN NO ENDURED. THEY WERE ULTIMATELY JUST STUPID FART MONSTERS), BUT WITH EVERY PASSING EPISODE HULK FOUND HULK-SELF MORE AND MORE WRAPPED UP IN THE CHARACTERS AND THE WORLD. 5 AND 1/2 SEASONS LATER? DR. WHO WAS ALL HULK THOUGH ABOUT. HULK RELISHED THE DAILY  CHANCE TO RETURN TO THE WORLD OF THE SHOW AND ENJOY THE ELATION OF WHAT MIGHT BE THE MOST HAPPINESS-PROVIDING SHOW-TYPE-THING AROUND.

WHAT MAKES IT SO ENJOYABLE? UNLIKE NEARLY EVERYTHING ELSE IN THE MODERN WORLD, DR. WHO DEFINED BY AN INEXORABLE SENSE OF OPTIMISM. IT SORT OF REMARKABLE FOR THIS DAY IN AGE REALLY. NO MISTAKE THE SHOW FOR EMPTY-HEADED-FLUFF THOUGH, ESPECIALLY SINCE IT OFTEN DEALS WITH THE FAIRLY COMMON THREAT OF APOCALYPSE OR FULL ERASURE FROM TIME AND SPACE. BUT THAT THE VERY THING THAT GIVE DR. WHO ITS GRAVITAS: IT GROUNDS ITS OPTIMISM IN APOCALYPSE. IT LOOKS AT THE SCALE OF THE UNIVERSE, THE FACT OUR LIVES ARE JUST TINY BLIPS ON AN INCONCEIVABLE TIME-LINE AND STILL MANAGES TO SHOW WHY IT MATTERS. IT SHOWS THAT MOST INCREDIBLE THING WE CAN DO IS CHERISH OUR VERY EXISTENCE AND “BE OUR BEST SELVES.” IT POSITIVE EXISTENTIALISM IN IT’S MOST CELEBRATED FORM, REFLECTING IT AS CORE HUMAN TRUTH.

AND BETTER YET, THE SHOW FOR EVERYONE. HULK THINK DR. WHO REPRESENT  THE BEST OF WHAT PIXAR OFFERS: A “YOUNG PERSON’S SHOW” THAT NOT JUST ADULT-FRIENDLY, BUT SOMETHING THAT QUITE LITERALLY FOR EVERYONE.

SO HOW BOUT THAT?

PART ONE – FOR THOSE WHO NEVER WATCHED THE SHOW

BUT REALLY HULK, YOU ASK, WHAT MAKE IT SO GREAT?

FOR STARTERS, IT CAN BE ANYTHING.

“EXPLAIN! EXPLAAAAIN!!!!

DR. WHO = THE STORY OF A 900 YEAR TIME LORD KNOWN SIMPLY AS “THE DOCTOR.” THE TIME LORDS ARE THE MOST ANCIENT AND NOBLE BEINGS IN THE UNIVERSE AND THEY WATCH OVER ALL OF TIME AND SPACE. THE DOCTOR, A FUNNY AND OFTEN BRILLIANT FIGURE, SPENDS HIS LIFE TRAVELING IN THE TARDIS, A MIRACULOUS SHIP THAT CAN ACTUALLY NAVIGATE THROUGH BOTH TIME AND SPACE (IT IS ALSO DISGUISED AS A 60’S-ESQUE POLICE BOX… THIS WILL MAKE SENSE HULK ASSURE YOU).  IN ALL THESE TRAVELS THROUGH THE STARS, THE DOCTOR OFTEN BRINGS COMPANIONS ALONG WITH HIM TO SHARE THE JOURNEY (THE COMPANIONS OFTEN HUMAN AND EVEN MORE OFTEN YOUNG WOMEN). TOGETHER THEY INVESTIGATE HISTORY, THE FUTURE, THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE, AND BEYOND. AND DESPITE THE FACT THE SHOW USUALLY HAVE SOME SORT OF “MYSTERY OF THE WEEK” ALLURE, THE SHOW CAN TAKE ON ANY FORM, SUBJECT MATTER, OR TONE.

IT CAN LITERALLY DO OR BE ANYTHING.

THIS INNATE CAPACITY FOR ENDLESS CREATIVITY THE MAIN REASON THE SHOW HAS LASTED THROUGH SIX DECADES (OH YEAH, FORGOT TO MENTION, THE ORIGINAL INCARNATION OF SHOW BEEN AROUND SINCE 1963). WELL, THAT NOT THE ONLY REASON. THE SHOW ALSO THOUGHT OF ONE RATHER INGENIOUS LITTLE PLOT DEVICE: TIME LORDS CAN REGENERATE, MEANING EVERY TIME THE ACTOR PLAYING THE DOCTOR READY TO LEAVE/GET FIRED, HE CAN SIMPLY DIE IN HIS CURRENT FORM AND REGENERATE WITH A NEW ACTOR PLAYING THE ROLE. YES, IT MAY SEEM A LITTLE HOKEY, BUT IT THE PERFECT CONCEIT FOR ONGOING SERIALIZED TELEVISION, SPECIFICALLY BECAUSE IT ALLOW THE SHOW TO MAINTAIN RICH HISTORY AND TRADITION.(3) LIKEWISE, THE SHOW HAVE A SIMILAR UNDERSTANDING OF TRUNCATING THE PLOT-LINES FOR THE COMPANIONS SO THAT THEIR ARCS ARE TIGHT AND FOCUSED, NEVER FAILING TO OVERSTAY THEIR WELCOME. BOTH CHOICES ALLOW THE SHOW TO STAVE OFF “THE STALENESS” WHICH RUINED A GREAT MANY TV SHOWS.

”]THERE NOW BEEN ELEVEN DOCTORS TO PLAY THE ROLE SO FAR AND COUNTLESS THOUSANDS OF HOURS OF PROGRAMMING . THE SHOW WENT OFF THE AIR IN 1989, HAD ONE-OFF TV MOVIE IN 1996,AND THEN FULLY RETURNED TO THE AIRWAVES IN 2005. THE BEST THING THAT IT WAS NO “REBOOT” BUT INSTEAD A COMPLETE RESURRECTION OF THE SHOW/CHARACTER WITH THE ESTABLISHED CANON/HISTORY FULLY IN TACT. YET AT SAME TIME THEY THANKFULLY CONSTRUCTED THE RESURRECTION SO THAT YOU NO NEED GO BACK AND WATCH 40 YEARS OF RATHER-DATED TELEVISION TO KEEP UP. IT BASICALLY AMOUNT TO A WONDERFUL RE-INTRODUCTION TO THE SHOW.

AND SOON ENOUGH YOU BROUGHT INTO THE FOLD, WHERE THE WORLD OF DR. WHO REVEALS ITSELF DELIGHTFULLY: THE SONIC SCREWDRIVERS, DALEKS, GALIFREY, SHADOW PROCLAMATIONS, FIXED TIME EVENTS, CYBERMEN, UNIT, SONTARANS, THE VOID, WEEPING ANGELS, OODS, CRACKS IN TIME, ALL THE TYLERS, JONES’, SARAH JANE SMITHS, NOBLES, PONDS, AND EVEN FEZZES (FEZZES ARE COOL).

NOW IF ALL THESE BITS ABOUT TIME LORDS REGENERATING AND MAGIC FLYING BOXES SOUNDS SORT OF WACKY, WELL, YOU RIGHT. IT DEFINITELY WACKY. BUT IT ALSO DEALT WITH RATHER BRILLIANTLY. AND THAT THE KEY REALLY.

EVERYTHING STARTS WITH THE FACT THAT THE DOCTOR AN IMPOSSIBLY MAGNETIC FIGURE AND AN ACTOR’S DREAM TO BOOT. HE CAN SOMETIMES JUST BE SILLY,  OFF-KILTER, OR ESOTERIC, BUT IT NEVER ONCE LOST ON US THAT HE A BEING NEARLY GOD-LIKE IN HIS CAPABILITIES. THE DOCTOR’S INNATE CAPACITY FOR DARKNESS AND ABSOLUTE POWER THE CONSTANT AND PROVERBIAL ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM. YET THE DOCTOR ALSO IMBUED WITH MOST NATURAL CURIOSITY AND HE FREQUENTLY DELIGHTED BY THE IMPOSSIBLE. HIS DEALINGS WITH HUMANITY, WHILE LARGELY JUST A FUNCTION OF “BECAUSE IT US,” MORE PREDICATED ON THE NOTION THAT THE DOCTOR SOMEONE FASCINATED BY THE HUMAN CONDITION. WHY? BECAUSE IT THE SAME CONDITION THAT HE NEEDS TO KEEP GOING, 900 YEARS AND COUNTING. ULTIMATELY, HE LOVES HUMANS BECAUSE OF THE WAYS WE LOVE EACH OTHER.

SEE THE DOCTOR PROCLAIMS HIMSELF TO BE JUST A TRAVELER HE NOT JUST A TRAVELER. HE A FIGURE CAPABLE OF INCREDIBLE ACTS OF GOOD. A MAN WHO SAVES THE UNIVERSE HUNDREDS OF TIMES OVER. HE CAPABLE OF BIG, BOLD ACTION AND SACRIFICE. UNQUANTIFABLE LOVE. A BEACON. A MORAL COMPASS. AND THANKFULLY THE SCALE OF THE SHOW OFTEN FITS THE GRANDEUR OF THE CONCEPTS. FEW CHARACTERS CAN ALTERNATE SO FREELY BETWEEN TWEE AND GRAVITAS WHEN ALL OF REALITY AT STAKE. IT ANYTHING BUT SCHIZOPHRENIC, THE SHOW EXPLORES EVERY BIT OF NUANCE IN BETWEEN.

SOUNDS PRETTY GOOD RIGHT?

SPACESHIP... DREAM-ACHIEVER

IT SOUNDS SORT OF LIKE A BEAUTIFUL DREAM, TO BE WHISKED AWAY IN THE TARDIS AND SEE THE WHOLE OF TIME AND SPACE. IT ABSOLUTELY NO MISTAKE THAT “THE BLUE BOX” = THE ETERNAL SYMBOL FOR THE GATEWAY TO DREAMS.(4) IT TAP INTO SOMETHING ABOUT OUR INTRINSIC NATURE TO EXPLORE AND REFLECT.

AND THE SHOW HAS THIS ABILITY TO ELICIT A CHILD-LIKE REACTION. NO MISTAKE THIS FOR SIMPLE NOSTALGIA (HULK NEVER WATCHED THE SHOW SO THERE NOTHING TO ACTUALLY NOSTALG-TO). HULK SIMPLY TALKING ABOUT THE CAPACITY FOR THAT OH-SO-CHILD-LIKE EMOTION: GUILT-FREE JOY. IT HARD FOR THE MODERN/AWARE AUDIENCE, WHOSE CYNICISM DEFINED NOT NECESSARILY BY NEGATIVITY, BUT FROM THE IMMENSE DEARTH OF MEDIA EXPERIENCE. WE SEEN EVERYTHING, SO WHAT COULD BE NEW AND PURE? THIS SHOW PROVES THAT SOME THINGS CAN STILL BE PURE. THAT ONE CAN HAVE GUILT FREE JOY WITHOUT “TURNING BRAIN OFF.”

DR. WHO MAY NOT THE BEST SHOW EVER MADE.

BUT IT HULK’S FAVORITE.

YOU MAY NOT KNOW THIS GUY BUT HE FREAKING GENIUS

PART TWO – FOR THOSE WHO NEVER WATCHED THE SHOW BUT NOT CONVINCED BY MERE HYPERBOLE, HERE NINE TANGIBLE REASONS FOR DR. WHO’S RELATIVE GOODNESS IN THE PANTHEON OF TELEVISION

THIS FOR THOSE OF YOU LOOKING FOR FILM-Y/MORE OBJECTIVE REASONS

1. STEPHEN MOFFAT A GENIUS – SOMETIMES IT THAT SIMPLE. MOFFAT FIRST A WRITER ON THE SHOW AND HE NOW THE SHOW-RUNNER. HE HAS BECOME ONE OF HULK’S FAVORITE WRITERS. PERIOD. ONE OF THINGS THAT MAKE HIM DISTINCTIVE, ASIDE FROM UNCANNY ABILITY TO WRITE WITTY-YET-GOAL-ORIENTED DIALOGUE, THAT HE USES THE ENTIRE CANVAS OF TIME AND SPACE TO ACHIEVE ENDS OF GIVEN STORY. IT RARELY A SIMPLE CASE OF “NOW WE DOING THIS KIND OF STORY IN CENTRALIZED LOCATION.” HE DEEPLY MOTIVATED BUT THE POSSIBILITIES THAT DR. WHO PROVIDE. IT EXTREME STORYTELLING. BETTER YET, IT TRUE SCI FI.

2. ACTUALLY, THE SHOW HAD TWO BRILLIANT SHOW-RUNNERS. RUSSEL T. DAVIES RESURRECTED THE SHOW IN 2005 AND WAS THE ONE RESPONSIBLE FOR IT’S CURRENT STYLE. THANKFULLY, HE MADE THE EXACT RIGHT CHOICES IN EVERY REGARD. IT SHOWCASED TREMENDOUS RESPECT AND ADORATION FOR THE ORIGINAL SERIES BUT KNEW EXACTLY WHAT TO AUGMENT. AND WHILE MOFFAT MAY BE THE BETTER INDIVIDUAL WRITER, DAVIES HAD TRUE GIFT FOR DEVELOPING THE ARC OF A SEASON. NOT JUST WITHIN THE CENTRAL ARC, BUT THE INTERTWINING PLOTS YOU HAD NO IDEA WERE ACTUALLY INTERTWINED. REALLY, DAVIES AN EXPERT OF GRAND GESTURES AND WORLD BUILDING, WHICH MAKE HIM PERFECT FOR SHOW-RUNNING.

3. CONCEPTUAL/PSYCHOLOGICAL VILLAINS – IN THE MOST RECENT YEARS, DR. WHO DISPLAYS WONDERFUL PENCHANT FOR CREATING VILLAINS THAT HAVE INTRINSIC PSYCHOLOGICAL COMPONENT. WHILE THE HISTORIC ONES MORE STRAIGHT ALLEGORIC-STAND-INS (THE DALEKS ARE NAZIS, THE CYBERMEN ARE COMMUNIST, ETC). THE MODERN WORK IN MORE ABSTRACT CONCEPTS. MOFFAT SEEMS PARTICULAR INTERESTED IN WHAT UNSEEN: THERE A GROUP OF VILLAINS THAT MOVE THAT WHEN YOU DON’T LOOK AT THEM. ANOTHER THAT YOU INSTANTLY FORGET WHEN NOT LOOKING AT THEM. WHAT SOUNDS SO SIMPLE, ACTUALLY HANDLED WITH STUNNING COMPREHENSIVENESS, DIVING INTO THE DETAILS OF WHAT THAT REALLY MEANS (WHAT IF YOU HAVE TO BLINK? OR HOW REMEMBER AN ENEMY YOU CAN’T ACTUALLY REMEMBER?). IN WORLD WHERE J.J. ABRAMS REALLY SEEM CONTENT JUST GIVE US BORING OLD SAMEY ALIENS THAT HAVE NO EFFECT, DR. WHO ACTUALLY INTERESTED IN PROVING THINGS THAT REALLY FEEL NEW AND DISTINCT.

4. WHILE THE SHOW CAN TAKE ON ANY FORM, IT STILL HAVE REMARKABLE SIMILARITY OF TONE TO BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER, WHICH IN CASE NO HAVE SEEN ONE OF THE BEST SHOWS OF ALL TIME.(5) IT GOES BEYOND THE SIMPLE BALANCING OF INDIVIDUAL ADVENTURES WITH THE OVERALL ARC AND “BIG BAD.” IT EMBRACE MANY OF THE SAME STORYTELLING CONVENTIONS: THE NARRATIVE CAN SHIFT, CHARACTERS CAN REVERSE PERSONALITIES FOR A TIME (ALL IN THE NAME OF GOOD-OLE TV FUN), BUT IT ALSO DONE SO WITH ACUTE SENSE OF HOW TO PLAY THOSE TROPES. THE ONLY MAJOR DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE TWO COMES BACK TO OPTIMISM. NOT TO IMPLY THE WORLD OF BUFFY A CYNICAL ONE, BUT OFTEN SHE SEEMED A MERE CANDLE IN THE DARK, STEMMING THE ONSLAUGHT OF HORROR. MEANWHILE, THE WORLD OF DR. WHO MORE INCLUSIVE OF MAN’S OWN CONTRIBUTIONS AND THE INNATE GOODNESS OF ALL PEOPLE.

5. EVERY SHOW HAVE INHERENT PROBLEMS OR LIMITATIONS OF CONCEIT, BUT DR. WHO HAS NEIGH-UNCANNY ABILITY FOR GLIDING OVER IT’S PROBLEMS WITH GRACE AND HUMOR. FOR ONE, IT A SHOW THAT SELF-AWARE, BUT NOT PAINFULLY OR PARALYZINGLY SELF AWARE. . THINK WHAT HAPPEN WITH THE SIMPSONS AND HOW IT STOPPED TELLING STORIES BECAUSE IT BECAME TOO PAINFULLY SELF-AWARE OF ITS OWN STORYTELLING DYNAMICS.(6) AND LIKE ANYTHING, THERE BEEN SOME MORE DULL EPISODES, BUT RARELY AN ACTUAL MISSTEP. AND WHEN THERE ACTUAL MIS-STEPS, THEY ALWAYS SEEM TO RECOVER. ALSO THE PROBLEMS OF INDIVIDUAL EPISODES TEND GET FORGIVEN EASIER WHEN BLASTING THROUGH SHOW AT RAPID PACE, BUT IN TURN, THE LEGITIMACY OF ARCS AND THEIR PACING WAY MORE ACUTELY SENSED. IT REWARD GOOD GRADUAL STORYTELLING. WHICH DR. WHO SURPRISINGLY HAVE.

THE SIMPSONS STRETCHED THE IN-JOKE AND FOREVER LOST THE AFFECT OF SCENES LIKE THIS

6. ONE OF HULK’S FAVORITE ASPECT THAT THERE A COMPLETELY LACK OF FAUX-DRAMA. FAUX-DRAMA A SPECIFIC THING WHERE THEY SUDDENLY DECIDE TO MAKE A CHARACTER DO SOMETHING UNLIKABLE TO CREATE THEIR OWN DRAMA, RARELY FOR GOOD REASON. IT A TV STAPLE DONE BUT IN NAME OF CREATING CONFLICT BUT IT VERY DIFFICULT THING TO ACHIEVE. IT SEEM FALSE BECAUSE IT FEEL FALSE. THINK JULIE TAYLOR SUDDENLY BECOMING INSUFFERABLE BRAT IN SEASON 2 OF FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS. HULK SENSED THE WRITERS WANTED TO EXPLORE CONCEPT OF HOW TEENS SUDDENLY BECOME SELFISH, BUT SUDDENLY SHE WAS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PERSON. PEOPLE DON’T JUST SUDDENLY BECOME UNADJUSTED. THIS NOT IMPLY HULK ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO DISLIKE WHEN CHARACTERS DO THINGS HULK NO LIKE. THAT INSIPID. IT JUST SOME SHOWS HAVE TACT WITH THEIR UNLIKABLE-NESS (THINK SIX FEET UNDER), IN WHICH CHARACTERS MOSTLY DO HORRIBLE THINGS TO EACH OTHER. ANYWHO, AS OF 5 AND 1/2 SEASONS OF DR. WHO THEY YET TO DO THAT ONCE. IT JUST A MARK OF GOOD WRITING.

6. ONE OF HULK’S LITTLE FAVORITE THINGS HOW IT CONSTANTLY THROW OFF OUR SENSE OF AMERI-CENTRISM. IT JARRING TO SEE ALIENS LAND ON EARTH AND MAKE WAY FOR THIS MYSTERIOUS “LONDON” PLACE. IT ACTUALLY JARRING BECAUSE AMERICANS, WHO IN CONTROL OF MEDIA AND STUFF, REGULARLY SEE THEMSELVES AS CENTER OF UNIVERSE: “WHY THOSE ALIENS NOT LANDING IN NEW YORK?!?!!?” THIS, OF COURSE, JUST A CONDITIONED RESPONSE. THOUGH IT BEAR MENTIONING THAT THE DAVIES ERA ONCE OR TWICE WENT A LITTLE TOO FAR IN ITS OWN RIGHT OF LONDON THINKING IT THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE. BUT REALLY THE ANGLO-CENTRICISM JUST WONDERFUL. IT HAVE THIS ADDED BENEFIT OF INCORPORATING MULTI-ETHNIC CAST THAT SOMEWHAT FREE FROM THE ETHNIC ASSOCIATIONS WE MAKE OF THEM IN AMERICA AND THE SHOW NOT BAT AN EYE AT THE INCLUSION OF BLACK OR PAKISTANI ACTORS.(7)

7. THE MUSIC OF MURRAY GOLD. WITH THE INCLUSION OF SEASON 5’S WORK, IT NOT JUST THE BEST SCORED SHOW ON TELEVISION, IT TRANSCEND TELEVISION. IT “REALLY GOOD MOVIE SCORE” GOOD.

OBVIOUSLY, THIS JUST NOT THE FREQUENT TELEVISION “MOOD MUSIC” AND “TONES.” NOPE. DR. WHO NOT AFRAID TO BIG, BOMBASTIC. AND IMPOSSIBLY GRAND. BUT AGAIN, THE SCALE OF THE MUSIC FIT THE SCALE OF THE SHOW. AND THE OTHER PART OF THE MUSIC’S SUCCESS BECAUSE THEY SUBSCRIBE TO KUBRICKS “MUSIC WORKS LIKE A CHORUS” THEORY A BIT MORE THAN MOST… HINT: KUBRICK AIN’T NO SLOUCH.

8. BILLIE PIPER, FREEMA AGYEMAN, CATHERINE TATE, AND KAREN GILLAN MANAGE TO INFUSE MORE PERSONALITY AND NUANCE INTO THEIR CHARACTERS THAT JUST ABOUT EVERY OTHER FEMALE IN AMERICAN SCI FI/GENRE. WAIT, THAT WAY TOO LIMITED. THEY MIGHT BE FOUR OF HULK’S FOUR FAVORITE WRITTEN WOMEN IN TV… EASY … ALSO HULK FULLY WILLING TO ACKNOWLEDGE IT MAYBE JUST THE ACCENTS.

9. EVERY TIME YOU THINK YOU NO LIKE A CHARACTER… WAIT. THE SHOW KNOW HOW TO EXECUTE CHARACTER ARCS BETTER THAN ALMOST ANY OTHER SHOW.

PART THREE – FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO SEEN THE ENTIRE SHOW AND BEEN WAITING FOR HULK TO TALK SPECIFICS!

SERIOUSLY. IF YOU NO SEEN GO AWAY. THIS WILL ONLY RUIN THINGS.

[WAITING TIL YOU GO AWAY]

OKAY…

LET’S TALK WHO!

CHRISTOPHER ECCLESTON – AT THIS POINT IT SORT OF HARD TO REMEMBER HOW MUCH HULK LIKED CHRISTOPHER ECCLESTON AND HOW HE COMPARE TO THE OTHER TWO GUYS. HE HAVE BENEFIT OF BEING HULK’S “FIRST DOCTOR” BUT HULK ABSORBED HIM IN SUCH RAPID WAY THAT HE NOT REALLY SINK IN. AND THEN THERE THE MATTER THAT THE FIRST SEASON SOMEWHAT UNEVEN. HULK REMEMBER FINDING HIM QUITE LIKABLE FOR WHAT IT WORTH, THOUGH HULK ALSO REMEMBER HIM ONLY REALLY HAVING TWO DOCTOR MODES – DOPEY + SMILEY AND THEN YELLING + SERIOUS. THAT PROBABLY NOT FAIR, BUT IT WHAT HULK REMEMBER.

DAVID TENNANT – ACTUALLY, ECCLESTON MUST HAVE HAD MORE NUANCE THAN HULK REMEMBER, BECAUSE HULK AT FIRST THOUGHT TENNANT COMING OUT THE GATE A BIT BROAD AND MANIC FOR HULK’S TASTE. HULK REMEMBER MISSING THE LACK OF CONTROL. AND THEN… WELL… YEAH. TENNANT ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC. HIS RUN SPANNED 4 YEARS AND HE JUST REMARKABLE, MIXING ABOUT 9 DIFFERENT KINDS OF COMIC PERSONAS. AND AS FOR HIS MOMENTS OF SOLEMNITY HE CAN ACQUIT HIMSELF BEAUTIFULLY. HIS “I’M SO SORRY” SPEECHES BECAME BIT OF CLICHE, BUT FOR GOOD REASON. THEY ABSURDLY EFFECTIVE AND NONE BETTER THAN HIS FINALE “SO SORRY” SPEECH AT THE END OF “THE WATERS OF MARS.” AS HE TALKED INTO THAT CAMERA HULK NOT GONNA LIE. THERE SOME HULK TEARS. JUST INCREDIBLE. THERE FAMOUS ANECDOTE ABOUT HOW DAVID TENNANT WATCHED DR. WHO AND SAID “I WANT TO DO THAT.” AND THEN WENT ABOUT HIS LIFE TURNING THAT INTO REALITY. FOR MOST PEOPLE WATCHING THE SHOW TODAY, TENNANT IS “THEIR DOCTOR.”

MATT SMITH -WELL IF DAVID TENNANT BORN TO PLAY DR. WHO THEN MATT SMITH BORN TO PLAY ANYONE. HOLY SHIT WHAT AN ACTOR. HIS RAPID SPEED DELIVERY, WHICH TOTALLY JARRING AT FIRST, COMES TO BE ONE OF THE MOST ENJOYABLE THINGS ON PLANET. IT AN UNSTOPPABLE WEAPON. LIKE KAREEM’S SKYHOOK OR JORDAN’S FALL-AWAY.(8) THE SHOW GET IMPOSSIBLE MILEAGE OF WATCHING SMITH WALK INTO A GROUP OF PEOPLE AND JUST START TALKING. AND BY THE END OF SEASON 5 (AND ESPECIALLY IN THE FIRST PART OF SEASON 6), SMITH HAVE TOTAL CONFIDENCE TOO. HE KNOW EXACTLY WHAT HE DOING AND HOW TO PACE THE PERSONA THAT MAKE THE RAPID-FIRE DOCTOR WORK (ALSO THE WRITERS HAVE A BETTER SENSE OF HIS AMAZING CAPACITY TO FLING WORDS ABOUT). THERE JUST A LITANY OF AMAZING MOMENTS WITH SMITH: THE “I’M THE DOCTOR” SPEECH AT THE END OF HIS FIRST EPISODE. THE INCREDIBLE SPEECH AT STONEHENGE. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF HIS INTERACTIONS WITH RORY. AND ONE OF THINGS HULK LIKE THAT MATT SMITH’S DOCTOR FEELS MORE OUT OF CONTROL. ALL THE DOCTORS SORT OF UNHINGED, BUT THE DARKNESS IN SMITHS FEEL LESS “SAFE” THAN THE OTHERS. FROM A NARRATIVE PERSPECTIVE IT GREAT BECAUSE IT ALLOW FOR REAL FEELING OF DANGER INSTEAD OF JUST THE IDEA OF DANGER.

BILLIE PIPER – SHE SORTA BOXY, SORTA TRASHY, BUT SHE OUT-AND-OUT JOY. HAS THE FLIRTATIOUS SMILE DOWN TO A SCIENCE AND YOU COMPLETELY BUY HER AS SOMEONE GENUINELY CONCERNED WITH PEOPLE. HER ARC DOWNRIGHT FANTASTIC. SHE “THE COMPANION” OF THE NEW INCARNATION AND DESERVE EVERY BIT OF PRAISE SHE EVER GOTTEN. THE SHOW KNEW EXACTLY WHO SHE WAS AND WHAT TO DO WITH HER.

FREEMA AGYEMAN – ALSO INCREDIBLE. HULK THINK HULK LIKED HER MORE THAN MOST, BUT THIS IN LARGE PART DUE TO WHAT HULK THOUGHT WAS GREAT INTRODUCTION EPISODE. IT TRUE HER ARC SORT OF PETERED OUT AND HERS THE STORY OF UNREQUITED LOVE (AREN’T THEY ALL IN THIS SHOW?) BUT THERE SOME SORT OF JUST “OH WELL” ABOUT HOW SHE WENT ON HER DEPARTURE. ALSO, HULK SORT OF DISAPPOINTED WITH HOW HER POST-SEASON 3 GUEST SPOTS TURNED OUT… OH WELL.

CATHERINE TATE – WHAT A TURN… THE ONE EVERYONE HATED BECAME OH SO LOVED… SHE ALSO THE FUNNIEST COMPANION BY END OF HER RUN.

KAREN GILLAN – SHE NOT POLISHED ACTRESS THE SAME WAY THE OTHERS WERE AND SHE NOT HAVE INNATE FLIRTATIOUSNESS THAT PIPER HAD, BUT SHE HAVE OTHER THINGS THAT PERHAPS LESS EVIDENT. OKAY THE MOST EVIDENT THING THAT SHE FREAKING GORGEOUS, BUT THAT NOT DO IT FOR ACTRESSES. NOT BE LONG SHOT. LUCKILY, THERE SO MUCH MORE. SHE, LIKE ALL COMPANIONS, MADE BEAUTIFUL NOT BY WHAT THEY LOOK LIKE BUT WHO THEY ARE. FOR ONE, A FASCINATING STORY BUILT AROUND A SUBTLE CASE OF ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT. A CHARACTER WHO EQUALLY NEVER QUITE COMFORTABLE WITH HERSELF, ALWAYS UNSURE. THE SHOW KNOWS EXACTLY HOW TO WRITE FOR KAREN’S STRENGTHS, HER WIDE EYED VULNERABILITY, HER ALPHA-FEMALE INSTINCTS, AND HER GANGLY-AWKWARD PRESENCE. HULK FASCINATED BY THE CHARACTER OF AMY POND AND CAN NO WAIT FOR MORE.

RUSSELL T. DAVIES – HE A GREAT SHOW-RUNNER AND KNEW HOW TO CONSTRUCT A SEASON OF TELEVISION, BUT HULK THINK HE HONESTLY NOT THAT THAT GREAT A WRITER. LOOKING OVER HIS ENTIRE WORK IN THE SERIES, HE WROTE MOST OF THE SPECIALS, PREMIERS, FINALES, ETC. BUT THOSE CATERED TO HIS BIG GRAND GESTURES. THEY WERE NOT REALLY TIGHT BITS OF STORYTELLING. HULK ACTUALLY FEEL LIKE “SMITH AND JONES” (FREEMA’S INTRODUCTION TO SERIES) ACTUALLY HIS BEST EPISODE BY FAR. HULK THINK HIS WORST EPISODE ACTUALLY “MIDNIGHT” WHICH START PROMISING AND HAVE SOME GREAT IDEAS, BUT HE NEVER REALIZED HAVING PEOPLE YELL AT EACH OTHER FOR 1 HOUR STRAIGHT THE LEAST EFFECTIVE MODE OF STORYTELLING EVER (HORROR MOVIES MAKE THIS MISTAKE ALL THE TIME).

STEVEN MOFFAT – AND THEN THERE THIS GENIUS. MOFFAT’S INDIVIDUAL EPISODES PROBABLY INCLUDE 13 OF THE 17 BEST IN THE SERIES. BUT OVERALL WORK AS SHOW-RUNNER STILL SLIGHTLY UNEVEN (THE ONE-OFF STORIES IN SEASON SIX MUCH BETTER THAN SEASON 5. “HUNGRY EARTH” / “COLD BLOOD” = LEGITIMATELY BAD). HULK THINK THAT SOME PEOPLE CRITICIZE THE MOFFAT ERA AS NOT BEING AS “FUN” BUT HULK LARGELY BELIEVE THAT BECAUSE THEY CHANGED THE CINEMATOGRAPHY MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE. EVERYTHING SORT OF HAVE WASHED-OUT GRAY LOOK NOW, WHICH HAVE PLUSES AND MINUSES, BUT IT ONE OF THOSE STRANGE THINGS WHERE IT REALLY AFFECTING SOME PEOPLE. BUT AGAIN, STEPHEN MOFFAT’S SCRIPTS SHOULD BE TAUGHT IN FILM SCHOOLS.

YES THAT CAREY MULLIGAN

BEST EPISODE – HOW IN THE WORLD HULK GOT TO REACH THE EPISODE WITH ABSOLUTELY ZERO BUILDUP HULK NOT KNOW, BUT “BLINK” ONE OF THE BEST HOURS OF TELEVISION. PERIOD.

LITTLE THINGS HULK LOVES:

-THE INCREDIBLE ARC OF RORY WILLIAMS – THE SCHLUBBY “OTHER GUY” A STAPLE OF STORYTELLING AND IT ONE THAT MOFFAT SOUGHT TO REVISE WITH LASER LIKE ACCURACY. RORY’S JOURNEY TO BECOMING “THE LAST CENTURION” ONE OF THE TRUE JOYS OF GETTING TO WATCH A CHARACTER ARC AND NOW IT IN SUCH AN INTERESTING PLACE. RORY HAS 1000 YEARS ON THE DOCTOR AFTER ALL.

-NEIL GAIMAN’S EPISODE = PERFECT.

-THE INFINITE POSSIBILITIES OF RIVER SONG

-ROSE SAYING “EVFREEFING.”

-ROSE’S MOM

-THE JUXTAPOSITION OF DONNA NOBLE BEING GREAT SET-UP FOR WHY HE PICK MARTHA JONES.

-MARTHA JONES IN THE LAB COAT.

-THEN COMING AROUND ON DONNA NOBLE

-DAVID TENNANT PULLING OUT THE GLASSES

-THE ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT OF AMY POND AND HOW THE SHOW DEALS WITH SUCH CARE.

-THE FACE OF BOE AND WHO IT MIGHT BE

-THAT THEY CAME TO UNDERSTAND THAT DALEKS ARE MOSTLY JUST FUNNY.

GENERAL QUESTIONS:

-WHY DID MICKEY AND MARTHA END UP TOGETHER AGAIN? SORTA SEEMED A LITTLE THROW-AWAY-Y AND SHE HAD HER OTHER DUDE WE LIKED.

-WHO THOUGHT “VOYAGE OF THE DAMNED” WAS GOOD IDEA?

-WATCHING THE SHOW ALL AT ONCE… IT REALLY KINDA ANNOYING TO HAVE SO MUCH TORCHWOOD CROSSOVER FUCKING EVERYWHERE. ESPECIALLY CONSIDERING HULK BARELY WATCHED IT. BAD MOVE ON THEIR PART? ON HULK’S?

HULK’S FAVORITE LINES:

“I THOUGHT YOU WERE JUST A MADMAN WITH A BOX.” / “THERE’S SOMETHING YOU BETTER UNDERSTAND ABOUT ME, ‘CAUSE IT’S IMPORTANT AND ONE DAY YOUR LIFE MAY DEPEND ON IT. I AM DEFINITELY A MADMAN WITH A BOX.”

DOCTOR: “_____ ARE COOL”

“FEAR ME I’VE KILLED HUNDREDS OF TIME LORDS” / “FEAR ME I’VE KILLED ALL OF THEM.”

“BITING’S EXCELLENT. IT’S LIKE KISSING ONLY THERE IS A WINNER.”

“DO THE SMART THING. LET SOME ONE ELSE TRY FIRST”

DALEK LINES: “EXPLAIN! EXPLAAAAAAIN!” / “ENJOY THE TEA! ENJOOOOOOOOY!” / “MERCY! MERCYYYYYY!”

“AM I… GINGER?”

“NEW-NEW DOCTOR.”

“I’M AMELIA AND YOU’RE LATE.”

“IT DOESN’T DO WOOD.”

“CALL HER MUMMY, NOT ‘BIG MILK THING.'” / “YOU SPEAK BABY?” / “I SPEAK EVERYTHING.”

“BASICALLY, RUN.”

“CROSSING INTO ESTABLISHED EVENTS IS FORBIDDEN. EXCEPT FOR CHEAP TRICKS.”

“I’M SORRY AMY, BUT YOUR HOUSE IS TOO BIG.”

[REACHES FOR TOP OF HEAD] “I CAN BUY A FEZ”

“OH AND I MET A HORSE”

[TURNS] “YOU WERE FANTASTIC.”

“____ THE GIRL/BOY WHO WAITED.”

‘I’VE SEEN FAKE GODS AND BAD GODS AND DEMIGODS AND WOULD-BE GODS; OUT OF ALL THAT, OUT OF THAT WHOLE PANTHEON, IF BELIEVE IN ONE THING… JUST ONE THING… I BELIEVE IN HER.”

“BUT FOR ONE MOMENT. ONE SHINING MOMENT. SHE WAS THE MOST IMPORTANT WOMAN IN THE UNIVERSE.”

AND THEN… THERE THIS:

EPIC.

ENDNOTES

(1) – THERE A FAIR AMOUNT OF ADULTS WHO SOME WATCHED THE OLDER ITERATION OF THE SHOW (THE ONES WHO COULD GET PAST THE VIDEO PRODUCTION AESTHETICS), BUT WITH THE MODERN ITERATION, ESPECIALLY HULK’S GENERATION, IT JUST NOT KNOWN ON LEVEL OF POPULARITY IT SHOULD BE. IT NOW JUST REACHING THE LEVEL OF SMALL-CABLE-SIZED HIT WITH LITTLE CULTURAL PENETRATION BEYOND THE FANS THAT DESPERATELY LOVE IT. STILL, THERE DEFINITELY A MOVEMENT GROWING BEHIND AND HULK WANT THROW SUPPORT BEHIND THAT. SO, YOU KNOW, THIS COLUMN.

(2) – WHY NO OLDER SHOWS ON THAT LIST? THE TRUTH THAT THERE JUST TOO SEVERE A DIFFERENCE IN QUALITY OF TELEVISION POST-SOPRANOS AS OPPOSED TO PRE-SOPRANOS. IT HAVE THE SAME EFFECT AS THE HAYS CODE. OF COURSE THERE A MILLION INCREDIBLE TV SHOWS OF NON-MODERN INTEREST: MARY TYLER MOORE (SHOULD BE  A TV-WRITERS TEXT BOOK), CHEERS, ALL IN THE FAMILY, THE WONDER YEARS, HILL ST. BLUES, ETC. THEY GREAT THEY JUST LIMITED IN THEIR SCOPE AND POSSIBLITY. IT TOTALLY NOT A MATTER OF JUST BEING ABLE TO SAY “FUCK.” IT A MATTER OF BEING ABLE TO EXPLORE CONCEPTS IN A CINEMATIC WAY, OR SERIALIZED CHARACTER STUDY. THAT THE BIG CHANGE. TV SHOWS NEVER MEANT TO HAVE SHELF LIFE AND DURATION BEYOND REPEATS. EVEN HILL STREET BLUES WAS ABOUT BEING INTERESTING “THAT WEEK” AND NOT TELLING A LARGER STORY (THOUGH THEY COULD DO THAT). AND THE SERIALIZED STORYTELLING OF THE ERA WAS EITHER JUVENILE OR NOT-SO-GOOD PULPY. THERE JUST TOO MANY DIFFERENCES IN THE APPROACH. A POSSIBLE COMPARISON = THE DEAD-BALL ERA IN BASEBALL. IT JUST NO COMPARE.

(3)  -THERE GREAT THEORY THAT JAMES BOND ACTUALLY A TIME LORD. THINK ABOUT IT. IT MAKE PERFECT SENSE.

(4) – IT NO MISTAKE IN MULHOLLAND DRIVE TOO.

(5) – UGH. HERE WE GO. HULK LOVE WHEDON’S WORK BUT HULK NOT A “WHEDON PERSON” IF THAT MAKE SENSE. THERE THIS WEIRD TENDENCY OF HIS FANDOM TO BORDER ON MEGALOMANIA, AS IF HE THE ONLY ONE MAKING TRULY EXCELLENT PROGRAMMING WITH DISTINCT VOICE, WHEN ACTUALLY HE JUST ONE OF MANY. HULK IMAGINE THIS HAPPEN FOR SEVERAL REASONS: A) IT CAME AT TIME IN THEIR LIFE THAT THERE JUST NOT MUCH ELSE LIKE IT SO IT HUGELY INFLUENTIAL B) THE WHEDON FANS SO USED TO BE ON THEIR OWN ISLAND AND RIDICULED BY OTHER NERD FANS THAT DIDN’T GET IT THAT THEY CREATED THIS SOLIPSISTIC LIKE MINDSET. NOW IT JUST THIS INGRAINED DEFENSIVE MECHANISM DESPITE THE FACT LOTS PEOPLE FINALLY COME AROUND ON JOSS. WHY TAKE SO LONG? WELL IT DID FOR HULK TOO. HULK SUSPECT IT BECAUSE THERE SERIOUS HURDLES IN JUMPING INTO JOSS’S TONE BECAUSE ON SURFACE IT ALL JUST SEEM KINDA STUPID. BUT ONCE GET INTO IT, IT TRANSCENDENT. WELL, THE SAME WAS TRUE OF DR. WHO. HULK HAVE NO IDEA WHY WE KEEP DOING THIS. WE ASSUME THESE BELOVED THINGS ARE SOME “LESS THAN” AND IT ALWAYS A MISTAKE. AND REMEMBER THIS FROM SOMEHULK WHO LIKE ALL HIS WORK OUTSIDE OF DOLLHOUSE (WHICH STILL FASCINATING IN ITS FAILURE). AND IF YOU KNOW THINK HE NOT GOING TO TURN AVENGERS INTO VERY GOOD MOVIE YOU LIKELY MISTAKEN.

(6) – EVERYONE TALKS ABOUT PROBLEMS WITH THE SIMPSONS, BUT NO ONE SEEMS MENTION THE FACT THAT THE STORYTELLING DISAPPEARED UP ITS OWN ASSHOLE. THEY USED TO USE THE JAMES L. BROOKS MODEL. SEASON 10 IS UNRECOGNIZABLE TO THAT.

(7) – ONE LITTLE THING HULK FIND INTERESTING: THE USE OF THE WORD “BLACK” IN U.K. FAR DIFFERENT THAN HERE. AFRICAN-AMERICAN = THE PROPER WRITTEN NOMENCLATURE IN AMERICA, BUT NOT NECESSARILY IN U.K. WHERE “BLACK” CONSIDERED PERFECTLY PROPER. THIS NOT TO IMPLY BLACK NECESSARILY A “BAD WORD” HERE. IT INTERESTING BECAUSE A LOT OF OTHER EUROPEAN NATIONS HAVE ADOPTED “AFRO-____” NOMENCLATURE, BUT SOMETIMES WE FORGET THAT P.C. TERMINOLOGY NOT NECESSARILY TRANSLATE ACROSS CULTURE. OH AND FOR LOVE OF GOD, NO THINK HULK COMPLAINING P.C. VERBIAGE NOR THINK ONE HAS TO ADHERE TO IT. HULK JUST HIGHLY INTERESTED IN THE LINGUISTIC DISCUSSION. THAT ALL. HULK WANT U.K. READERS INPUT!

(8) – SORRY. THOSE ARE REALLY GOOD BASKETBALL PLAYERS WHO EACH HAD AN UNSTOPPABLE MOVE THAT ALWAYS WENT IN.

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HULK ANSWERS YOUR QUESTIONS – PART 1

HELLO ALL!

TIME FOR THE FIRST ROUND OF HULK MAILBAG QUESTIONS. THIS LOT OF FUN! A COUPLE OF THEM TAKEN FROM HULK’S “ABOUT” PAGE THAT PEOPLE BEEN LEAVING QUESTIONS ON. HULK FEEL THIS BETTER FORMAT. HULK STILL HAVE MORE QUESTIONS TO ANSWER SO FEEL FREE ASK MORE IN COMMENTS BELOW. THEY BE ANSWERED IN NEXT ROUND.

QUESTION #1:

It’s 1,000,000 years in the future and some alien race has made it to earth.  All trace of humanity has been erased from the planet earth except for, miraculously, one piece of pop culture and the means for which to view/read/listen to it.

If you had a say in what it is, what would it be?  I don’t care how you go with this, it could be something that you feel does a great job at conveying the human condition, it could be something completely mystifying that only serves to confuse or misinform the aliens.  It’s up to you.

So, FilmCriticHulk, what say you?

-Ben W.

GREAT QUESTION. IT VASTLY SUPERIOR TO THE FAMILIAR ONE WITH THE “DESERT ISLAND” PARAMETERS. ANYCRAP, HULK BELIEVE THE ANSWER = THE WIRE.

WHILE CAPTURING PERFECT TRUTH OF “REALITY” AN IMPOSSIBILITY FOR FILM/TV, THERE SOME THINGS THAT COME CLOSE… OR AT LEAST STRIVE TO COME CLOSE. THE BEST PART ABOUT YOUR QUESTION THAT IT IMPLY GREAT RESPONSIBILITY. AFTER ALL, HULK FEEL OUR LEGACY ACTUALLY MATTERS. SO HULK WOULD WANT  TO CONVEY TO ALIENS SOMETHING THAT BOTH “TRUE” IN A REALISM SENSE, BUT ALSO “TRUE” IN WHAT COULD TEACH THEM THE MOST ABOUT HOW WE LIVED AND ULTIMATELY HOW WE CREATED A SYSTEM DOOMED TO FAIL. AND NOTHING HIGHLIGHT OUR CULTURAL FAILURES LIKE THE WIRE. BUT AT THE SAME TIME, THE GREAT THING THAT IT WOULD ALSO SHOW OUR CAPACITY FOR INNATE GOODNESS. AND THAT WE WERE FUNNY. AND KIND. AND SOMETIMES IRREVERENT. IT WOULD SHOW THAT WE DRANK TOO MUCH. AND MOST OF ALL. THAT WE HAD A PSUEDO-VOLTAIRIAN UNDERSTANDING OF THE WORLD IN WHICH WE TRIED TO CONTROL THE IMMEDIATE THINGS AROUND US, AND SIMPLY DID NOT REALIZE HOW MUCH WE LIVED IN A SYSTEMIC WORLD OF FORCES MUCH BIGGER THAN OUR OWN NATURE. WE BUILT A SOCIETY UPON INSTITUTIONS AND THEN LET THEM GO ASTRAY, EITHER OUT OF PERSONAL GREED OR TURNING OUR BACKS ON OUR COMMUNITY IDEALS. AND WHEN IT MATTERED MOST, WE BARELY LISTENED.

THE WIRE WOULD LET THEM KNOW THAT WE WERE, OFTEN AT THE SAME TIME, OUR BEST AND OUR WORST SELVES.

❤ HULK

QUESTION #2:

Broad question, but what’s the best book regarding film (whether it be filmmaking, film theory, film criticism, etc) you’ve ever read?

Always enjoy reading your stuff. Thanks for doing what you do!

-Mark P.

ANOTHER GREAT QUESTION. HERE A BUNCH BY GENRE: 1) FILM HISTORY – “EASY RIDERS, RAGING BULLS” GREAT NO-BULLSHIT OVERVIEW OF AMERICA’S FILMMAKING APEX IN THE 70’S. REALLY ENJOYABLE READ. AND THE GOSSIPY SHIT TEND TO BE WORTH IT. 2) BEST ESSAY – DAVID FOSTER WALLACE’S ESSAY ON DAVID LYNCH AND THE MAKING OF “LOST HIGHWAY” IN HIS BOOK “A SUPPOSEDLY FUN THING I’LL NEVER DO AGAIN.” IF YOU’VE NEVER READ WALLACE. START WITH THAT BOOK AND THEN “CONSIDER THE LOBSTER” THEN MOVE TO HIS FICTION. HULK WILLING BET MOST PEOPLE HERE READ HIS STUFF, BUT YOU BE SURPRISED HOW MANY UNFAMILIAR, SO IT ALWAYS WORTH MENTIONING. 3) BEST SUPER COMPLICATED FILM THEORY BOOK: ANDREI TARKOVSKY’S “SCULPTING IN TIME” HULK ARGUE THIS THE PINNACLE OF ALL HIS WORK AND HULK A HUGE TARKOVSKY FAN (LESS SOLARIS, MORE THE MIRROR, THE SACRIFICE, ET ALL). 4) BEST BOOK ON INDIVIDUAL FILMMAKER: “KIESLOWSKI ON KIESLOWSKI” HULK ARGUE HE DEFINITELY ONE OF BEST FILMMAKERS OF ALL TIME. GREAT BOOK. AND LASTLY 5) BEST SCREENPLAYS: NO BUY BOOKS ABOUT SCREENWRITING. THEY MOSTLY GARBAGE. FIRST GET RID OF BAD HABITS. FOR HOW TO RESOURCES BUY ACTUAL SCREENPLAYS CAUSE THEY WAY MORE INFORMATIVE (NOT NECESSARILY ORIGINAL DRAFTS, MOST GOOD SCREENPLAYS HAVE BOOK VERSIONS). FOR THE MOST INFORMATIVE ONES, HULK SUGGEST THE WORKS OF PRESTON STURGES (SPECIFICALLY SULLIVAN’S TRAVELS), PADDY CHEYAFSKY (NETWORK, THE HOSPITAL, ALTERED STATES… EVEN MARTY), AND FOR MODERN GUY PAUL ATTANASIO (QUIZ SHOW) EASILY ONE OF THE BEST IN TERMS OF SHOWING HOW USE ECONOMY/ACTION LINES.

❤ HULK

QUESTION #3:

Will hulk be doing a review of the Fooly Cooly (FLCL) I would love to read your take on the TV show? as I can not figure out what makes the show work so well.

-Tommy A.

HULK PROBABLY NOT BEST PERSON ASK ABOUT ANIME. HULK JUST NOT SEEN ENOUGH. AND WHAT HULK SEEN, HULK NOT CRAZY ABOUT. ANIME INTERESTING THING IN THAT HULK FEEL LIKE IT MORE NICHE THAN OTHER NICHE GENRES… OR MAYBE THAT JUST BECAUSE IT ONE OF FEW NICHE GENRES HULK NOT REALLY EXPERIENCED… STILL, HULK WAGER EVERY PERSON HAVE THAT FRIEND WHO TRIED GET THEM WATCH COWBOY BEBOP… DIDN’T REALLY TAKE.

ANYWHO, SINCE HULK NEVER SEEN IT, THE REASON THE SHOW WORK SO WELL BECAUSE IT AN ANIME AND THEREFORE IT PROBABLY HAS ROBOTS, A CORPORATION, AND CONFUSED FEELINGS ABOUT PUBERTY. THAT WHY.

… OKAY SORRY HULK JUST JOKING. TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION FOR REAL HULK WILL LOOK INTO AND TRY AND FIGURE IT OUT. HULK LOVE AN INVESTIGATION AND THIS SEEM LIKE GOOD ONE.

❤ HULK

QUESTION #4:

Sucker Punch. What did you think of it? Doesn’t have to be a full review. Gut reactions are fine.

-Michael S.

BASICALLY, IT DIDN’T WORK.  ON A PURE LOGISTICAL LEVEL THE REASON IT NO WORK BECAUSE HULK SURMISE THAT ZACK SNYDER NOT FULLY HONEST WITH HIMSELF ABOUT HIS OWN INTENTIONS. FOR STARTERS, THE IDEA CAME FROM HIS BABYDOLL DRAWING THAT HE BEEN DOODLING FOR YEARS. SO SNYDER LIKE THE BABYDOLL IMAGE. HE ATTRACTED TO IT. HE THINK IT KICK ASS. THIS ALL VERY CLEAR. AND HE WANTED TO EXPLORE THAT CONCEPT USING A MOVIE. THE PROBLEM COME FROM FACT THAT ZACK SNYDER ACTUALLY PRETTY SMART. HIS WIFE ALSO PRETTY SMART. HE KNOWS THAT BABYDOLL AN INFANTILIZING IMAGE. HE KNOWS INFANTILIZATION A PROBLEM AND “NOT RIGHT.” AND SO BECAUSE HE, YOU KNOW, NOT SEXIST AND STUFF, HAD TO TRY AND APPROPRIATE IT INTO SOMETHING THAT MADE STATEMENT ABOUT THIS COMPLEX. HE BUILT ELABORATE NARRATIVE ABOUT MEN ABUSING WOMEN AND DRESSING THEM AND MAKING THEIR FIGHT THEIR OWN BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. THIS NOT TO SAY IT NOT TRUE, IT JUST THAT HULK NOT SURE WHY IT IN THIS PARTICULAR MOVIE. WHY NOT? WELL, LETS JUMP TO RELEVANT TANGENT: LOTS OF FOLKS MAKE THE COMPARISON THAT SUCKER PUNCH THEMATICALLY DUPLICITOUS. IT EXPLOITING YET HIGHLIGHTING THE EXPLOITING. TO BE HONEST HULK THINK DUPLICITY ACTUALLY FINE, IF AND ONLY IF, THE DUPLICITY AN UPFRONT AND HONEST ONE. LIKE IT THE REASON EXPLOITATION LIKE I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE WORK TONALLY.  IT EXPLOITATION YET FOR ITS TIME*, IT A REAL PIECE OF FEMINISM (3RD WAVE) BECAUSE HER RAGE, HER VENGEANCE, HER REACTION = ALL HONEST. AND HONESTY MATTERS MORE THAN ANYTHING.

MEANWHILE, THE REASON SUCKER PUNCH NO SUCCEED BECAUSE ZACK SNYDER REALLY WANTED TO MAKE THE MOVIE WHERE BABY DOLL AN ACTION HERO SLAYING SAMURAI ROBOTS, AND THEN BUILT THE REST OF THE MOVIE TO TRY AND INTELLECTUALLY JUSTIFY IT.

… DIDN’T WORK.

*HULK HATE THE EXPRESSION “FOR ITS TIME” CAUSE IT A CRUTCH. PLENTY OF PEOPLE HATED I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE AND FOUND IT SEXIST AND EXPLOITATIVE, E BUT WITHIN THE CONTEXT OF POPULAR DIGESTION “AT THE TIME,” IT WORKED IN TERMS OF 3RD WAVE FEMINISM. SO OKAY.

❤ HULK

QUESTION #5

Do you wear a Stetson now? Because stetsons are cool

http://twitter.com/#!/FuschiaBegonia

HULK GOT THIS QUESTION CAUSE HULK SAID ON TWITTER THAT HULK WEAR A FEZ NOW. FEZZES ARE COOL.

… OKAY HULK CURRENTLY BALLS DEEP INTO THE MOFFAT ERA… IT GLORIOUS. ALMOST ALL CAUGHT UP!

❤ HULK

QUESTION #6:

What did Hulk think of RedLetterMedia’s classic, and eviscerating, series of 90 minute reviews on the new Star Wars trilogy?

-Nerdlinger

HULK LOVED IT. SURE, THE SERIAL KILLER JOKE GETS OLD VERY, VERY, VERY QUICK (BUT HULK IMAGINE SAME TRUE OF HOW HULK WRITE). BUT HE DISPLAY TRULY EXCELLENT SENSE OF STORYTELLING 101! HULK’S FAVORITE THING! IT DO REALLY GOOD JOB EXPLAINING BASICS OF CHARACTER APPROACH, SPECIFICALLY WHEN ASK PEOPLE DESCRIBE THE CHARACTERS WITHOUT USING NAME, JOB, OR CLOTHING. THE ORIGINAL CHARACTERS ALL CLASSIC ARCHTYPES, NOTHING SPECIAL. BUT THE PREQUEL CHARACTERS NO EVEN ARCHETYPES! THEY BIG NOTHINGS. HONESTLY, STORYTELLING 101 SHOULD BE THE HEART OF POPULAR CINEMA-GOING. RIGHT? HULK ARGUE IT THE REASON EVERYONE DIGGING ON CAPTAIN AMERICA. HULK THINK THIS RE-EMPAHSIS OF CLASSIC STORYTELLING SHOULD BE “THE NEW THING.” A CINEMATIC NEO-CLASSICIST MOVEMENT IF YOU WILL.

THEN AGAIN, THERE WAY COULD ARGUE THERE A NEO-CLASSICIST MOVEMENT EVERY FEW YEARS IN HOLLYWOOD WITH MORE FOCUS ON TRADITIONAL STORYTELLING WITHIN THAT GENRE. WHETHER IT A RE-BIRTH OF THE TRADITIONAL ROM-COM (POST-FOUR WEDDINGS). THE FANTASY ADVENTURE (LOTR, HARRY POTTER). HULK EVEN ARGUE THAT WHY COMIC BOOK MOVIES ROSE TO PROMINENCE. LOOK AT THE STATE OF THE 90’S BLOCKBUSTER WHICH NOTHING MORE THAN BLOATED RECKLESSNESS. THE FIRST COMIC BOOK MOVIES CAME OUT AND THEY HAD BASIC ARCHETYPES! CHARACTERS DEVELOPING AND GOING ON JOURNEYS AND SHIT! GOOD! EVIL! ALL THAT STUFF. PEOPLE RESPONDED BECAUSE WE HAD STOPPED MAKING POPULAR NARRATIVES LIKE THAT. OF COURSE, NOW, WE COME DANGEROUSLY CLOSE TO BURNING OUT ON THAT GENRE SO WHO KNOWS WHAT NEXT NEO-CLASSICIST THING BE.

QUESTION #7

I can’t really think of a more obvious question than this:

Why do non-creative, corporate types interfere with the creative vision of artistic filmmakers when history has proven that said interference usually results in compromised product that suffers both artistically and financially? For example, every comic book geek groaned the moment the Fantastic Four showed up in their iconic vehicle, not b/c of the effects work, but for the gratuitous placement of a Dodge logo on the seats. Clearly this was not an artistic decision, and while im sure it generated some ancillary revenue, what was the real price paid in terms of fan respect and word of mouth? It happens time and again but the costly lessons which I imagine are critical to their job security never seem to take root in the movie business.

Why?

Jeff S.

IN ALL HONESTY, FAN RESPECT AND WORD OF MOUTH NOT MEAN MUCH ECONOMICALLY. REALLY. THEY DON’T. THEY NICE IDEA AND CERTAINLY CAN’T HURT, BUT A WHOLE BUNCH OTHER THINGS MEAN LOT MORE. AND IT ACTUALLY NOT RELEVANT TO THEIR JOB SECURITY. HERE FIVE PART ANSWER THAT WILL SORT OF GO BEYOND YOUR QUESTION AND WORTHY OF ITS OWN COLUMN. SO HERE A BRIEF SUMMARY OVERVIEW.

1. THE REALITY – HOLLYWOOD IS A BUSINESS. THE MOVIES ARE, AT BEST, JUST PRODUCT AND AT WORST, INCIDENTAL. AS MUCH AS IT PAIN HULK SAY THAT IT INESCAPABLY TRUE. MOVIES ARE ULTIMATELY OKAYED BY BIGGEST CORPORATIONS ON PLANET. CORPORATIONS HAVE RESPONSIBILITIES TO STOCK HOLDERS. AS RESULT A SAFE BET BETTER THAT A HIGH RISK ONE. THEY WILL SUFFER CREATIVITY ONLY TO THE POINT OF EXACTING COMMERCE FROM IT.

2. THE AUDIENCE – “IT BEAVIS AND BUTTHEAD OUT THERE” AN EXECUTIVE ONCE TOLD HULK. ONE COULD ARGUE WE ONLY NEED GIVE BETTER CINEMA ALTERNATIVES, BUT THAT USUALLY NOT PAN OUT IN PRACTICE AND IT SORT OF REFLEXIVE ARUGMENT ANYWAY. THE AUDIENCE SUPPOSEDLY DEMAND QUALITY (AND HULK AGREE TO THAT POINT) BUT IN CONCRETE TERMS THE TREE OF LIFE MADE 11 MILLION DOMESTIC AND 34 MILLION WORLD-WIDE (ON A BUDGET OF 34) WHILE MEET THE SPARTANS MADE 38 MILLION AND 84 WORLD WIDE (ON A BUDGET OF 20-ISH). IN CONCRETE TERMS IT NOT LOOK GOOD. ONE COULD ARGUE THAT TREE OF LIFE WILL MAKE ANCILLARY INCOME DOWN THE LINE WITH DVD SALES AND HAVE “A LEGACY” AND SPARTANS WILL BE FORGOTTEN. IN SOME WAYS GREAT MOVIES ALWAYS MAKE THEIR MONEY BACK EVENTUALLY. GREAT CULT MOVIES WILL FIND THEIR AUDIENCE SO THEY NOT TOTAL DISASTER.  SOME WILL EARN STUDIOS MONEY FOR GENERATIONS. AFTER ALL, PEOPLE STILL RENTING THE PHILADELPHIA STORY. BUT ON AVERAGE, CULTURAL PENETRATION DOWN THE LINE ECONOMICALLY WORTH NOTHING COMPARED TO UPFRONT BOX-OFFICE. EVEN WITH TV ANCILLARIES,  MALICK’S MOVIES AND, SAY, FOR EXAMPLE SIDEWAYS DO TERRIBLE ON TELEVISION. AND SUPER-DUMB, TERRIBLE MOVIES DO VERY, VERY WELL. BELIEVE IT OR NOT, THE TV AUDIENCE OFTEN DUMBER THAN THE MOVIE-GOING AUDIENCE. IT TRUE. “IT BEAVIS AND BUTTHEAD OUT THERE.”

SO THE CINEMA GOING AUDIENCE THAT CARE ABOUT INTEGRITY AND RESPECT AND ALL THAT WORTH AN AMOUNT, BUT IT A SMALLER AMOUNT THAN THE CRAP.

GIVEN POINTS #1 AND #2, HERE A HYPOTHETICAL: IF ALL YOUR SAVINGS WERE TAKEN FROM YOU AND THE THIEF SAID, “YOU CAN DOUBLE YOUR MONEY IF YOU PICK THE MORE SUCCESSFUL FILM AND IF YOU DON’T GUESS RIGHT YOU YOU LOSE IT ALL. HERE YOUR OPTIONS:  THE NEW UNTITLED TERRENCE MALICK MOVIE OR ADAM SANDLER’S UPCOMING ABORTION JACK AND JILL.” THE ANSWER, SADLY, OBVIOUS.  WHEN YOU HAVE SUBSTANTIAL RISK IN THE MONEY IT CHANGE THINGS. AND THE PEOPLE HAVING STUDIO GIGS AT SUBSTANTIAL RISK. AND AS CINEMA LOVERS WE WANT THE BEST QUALITY PRODUCT FOR OUR TASTES, BUT THOSE MOVIE NOT EVEN CLOSE TO SAFE BETS.

3. THE PEOPLE RESPONSIBLE – HULK HAS GOTTEN OPPORTUNITY TO WITNESS “THE HOLLYWOOD MACHINE” UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL. NOT JUST FROM A CREATIVE PERSON’S PERSPECTIVE (FROM WHICH APPEARS TO BE THE DEVIL FOR HOST OF DISPARAGING REASONS) BUT HULK ALSO WITNESSED FROM THE MACHINE’S PERSPECTIVE AS WELL. AND… WELL… THE ANSWER SORT OF MUNDANE. HULK REFERENCED THE WIRE ABOVE AND IT RELEVANT BECAUSE IT GREAT WAY TOO LOOK AT THE LARGER HOLLYWOOD SYSTEM. MOST PEOPLE WELL-INTENTIONED BUT THEY ONLY CONTROLLING SMALL AREA OF INFLUENCE SO IT THE SYSTEM THAT CREATING MOST OF THE PROBLEMS. IN FACT, MOST OF THE INDIVIDUALS ARE ACTUALLY AMAZING/SMART PEOPLE WHO COULD EASILY BE DOING CREATIVE THINGS (AND OFTEN HAVE). THEY JUST ENDED UP ON A DIFFERENT SIDE OF FENCE. AND THEY GIVE HONEST-TO-GOD GREAT NOTES. THERE ARE, ALSO, IDIOTS (ACTUALLY MORE DOUCHEBAGS THEN IDIOTS, BUT YOU GET POINT).

HULK BELIEVE THE BIGGEST PROBLEM LIES IN NUMBERS. STUDIO RANKS SORT OF DEVELOPING INTO MASS OLIGARCHY AND IT MAKE IT MORE OF PROBLEM OF TOO MANY COOKS IN KITCHEN. DEALING WITH ONE OR TWO EXECS? EASY PEASY. MORE THAN THAT? UGH. PATTON OSWALT HAS GREAT ANECDOTE ABOUT THIS JR. EXECUTIVE NOT UNDERSTANDING A VERY SIMPLE JOKE AND SINCE ALL THE OTHER EXECUTIVES HAD TO HUMOR HIM, THEY HAD TO SIT THERE FOR A FUCKING HOUR AND SUSS IT OUT. THESE ARE THE THINGS THAT COME WITH OLIGARCHY AND BLOAT. AND WITH THE BLOAT COMES EVERY YOUNG STUDIO EXEC BASICALLY GOING AROUND TRYING TO JUSTIFY THEIR JOBS. WHICH LEAD TO NEEDLESS ADDITIONS. IT OLD ADAGE THAT THE BEST PRODUCERS/EXECS ARE THE ONES WHO HIRE THE RIGHT PEOPLE AND GET OUT THE WAY. BUT THE UPCOMING EXEC NOT POWERFUL ENOUGH TO DO NOTHING AND GET OUT OF THE WAY. MORE THAN THAT, IF THEY GET IN HOT WATER THEY CAN SAY THINGS LIKE “IT A POPULAR COMIC BOOK!” AND “THE PLACEMENT SAVED US SO MUCH ON THE BUDGET!” WHICH WORK CAUSE THEIR BOSSES EVEN MORE BUSINESS PEOPLE THAN THEY ARE. IT NOT THEIR FAULT. IT JUST THE SYSTEM.

BUT GIVEN POINTS #1 AND #2 EVEN THE BEST PRODUCERS TAKE HITS. UNIVERSAL RECENTLY TOOK HUGE NUMBER CHANCES ON GREAT AND/OR “DIFFERENT” FILMS LIKE: SCOTT PILGRIM, GREEN ZONE, KICK-ASS, MACGRUBER, DRAG ME TO HELL, FUNNY PEOPLE, AND DUPLICITY. IT NOT LIKE THESE MOVIES SOLD POORLY, THEY GIVE THEM BIG SELLS AND THEY JUST BIT THE DUST. HULK BELIEVE IF YOU MAKE QUALITY PRODUCT THE AUDIENCE FIND EVENTUALLY AND THAT THE CASE WITH LOTS OF THOSE MOVIES, BUT REALLY THEY MISSED THE BOAT. IT ANOTHER INESCAPABLE TRUTH: THE AUDIENCE NOT HELPING.

4. AS FOR AS FOR PRODUCT PLACEMENT – IT SUCKS. IT DOES. BUT THE STUDIO ARGUE IT NO MATTER CAUSE NOBODY NOT LIKE A MOVIE SOLELY BECAUSE OF THE PRODUCT PLACEMENT. TO DEGREE, THEY ACTUALLY RIGHT. MOST JUST NO CARE. FANTASTIC FOUR BIGGEST PROBLEM THAT IT A TERRIBLE, TONE DEAF MOVIE. MOST PEOPLE DIDN’T CARE ABOUT THE DODGE LOGO. REMEMBER, THERE ALSO GOD-AWFUL MOMENT IRONMAN WHERE RIGHT AFTER HE HAVE THAT GREAT LINE WHERE HE SAY “I WANT AN AMERICAN CHEESEBURGER” THEY SHOW HIM EATING FUCKING BURGER KING. BUT EVERYONE STILL LOVE THAT MOVIE CAUSE IT GET STORYTELLING AND DO THE IMPORTANT THINGS RIGHT.

IF WANT DIRECT ANYTHING, THEN PRODUCT PLACEMENT JUST A REALITY THESE DAYS. THE STUDIO WILL FIGHT YOU TO USE AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE BECAUSE IT HELP REMOVE THEIR RISK AND LOWER COST. IT JUST TOO PRUDENT (REALLY, THE AMOUNT OF BUDGETS PAID OFF BY PRODUCT PLACEMENT MIND-BOGGLING. IT NOT A MIDDLING COST). AT THIS POINT IT MANDATED IN CONTRACTS. THE ONLY WAY AROUND IT TO BE A “NAME” LIKE SPIELBERG OR NOLAN WHO CAN OPEN A PICTURE WHERE YOU GUARANTEED TO MAKE IT UP. BUT EVEN THEN IT A BATTLE.

PLUS, THEY SEE THE REALITY WHERE WE DO NOT: AS SOON AS THE YOUNGER GENERATION GROWS UP (HINT: ONLY 6-8 YEARS AWAY) PRODUCT PLACEMENT WILL NOT BE STRANGE TO THEM AT ALL. THEY WILL EXPECT THINGS TO BE ADVERTISED TO THEM IN ALL MEDIA FORMS. IT UNDENIABLE. TO US THOUGH? IT ALIEN TO THE WAY WE WATCH MOVIES. IN ARTISTIC TERMS IT COMPLETE BULLSHIT FOR SURE. DAVID LYNCH USED TO USE PRODUCTS CAUSE HE LOVED USING POP CULTURE BRANDS FOR ARTISTIC MEANS (“I LIKE HEINEKEN!” OR “PABST BLUE RIBBON!”). BUT NOW HE CAN’T CAUSE PEOPLE ASSUME IT PRODUCT PLACEMENT. WHICH THE OPPOSITE OF ART.

5. THERE ANY WAY TO FIX THE SYSTEM? – NOT REALLY. ALL THIS STUFF CORPORATELY MANDATED. AND THE FUN WAYS TO HINT AND JOKE AROUND WITH PRODUCT PLACEMENT ALREADY USED UP. AND FIGHTING THE SYSTEM AT LARGE? IMPOSSIBLE. FILMMAKING COST TOO MUCH MONEY. AND THERE NO WAY TO TRULY MAKE AND MARKET INDEPENDENT MOVIES ANYMORE… SO… QUITE FRANKLY HULK NOT SURE. PERHAPS FIGHTING THE BEAN COUNTERS CREATE THE NOTION OF SUBVERSION. HULK THINK IT IMPORTANT TO ALWAYS REMEMBER THE PERIOD OF THE 60/70’S THAT SAW CREATIVE TYPES TAKE OVER THE STUDIO SYSTEM WHEN THEY WERE ON HUGE UPSWING OF POPULARITY. THEY WENT ON TO CREATE A FEW MORE GOOD MOVIES, GREEN LIT A WHOLE BUNCH OF SHIT (WE JUST REMEMBER THE GOOD ONES), AND THE WHOLE THING COLLAPSED VERY, VERY QUICKLY. THE CREATIVE TYPES HAD NO IDEA HOW MANAGE MONEY.

HULK NOT SURE HULK ANSWERED QUESTION RIGHT.

❤ HULK

QUESTION #8:

Hulk, I have a question that I hope you can answer for me. Why does the camera add ten pounds to the actors? I used to think it was just figure-obsessed actresses finding fault with the reality of their appearance as opposed to their mental picture of it (says the lady who hates every photo ever taken of her), but I heard someone talking about how different lenses can actually cause this. Do you know why? Or even why they continue to be used if the picture is distorted that much? And why do we never seem to notice with male actors? This is confusing me and I feel like I should know more about it.

-Bevin

AWESOME QUESTION.

HULK HERE TO TELL YOU THAT IT ABSOLUTELY TRUE: THE CAMERA DOES ADD WEIGHT (MOST OF THE TIME) DEPENDING ON THE LENS.

TO SORT OF EXPLAIN: THIS REALLY NO HAVE DO WITH CAMERA LENS BEING DIFFERENT, BUT THE LENS OF OUR EYE BEING DIFFERENT. THE EYE SEE SO MUCH OF PERIPHERY AND YET HAS AMAZING ABILITY TO FOCUS ON CENTRAL AREA IN FRONT OF IT. THAT MAKE THE EYE A COMPLETELY UNIQUE LENS. MORE THAN THAT IT, IT HAVE ABILITY TO LOOK AT REAL LIFE 3D SPACE AND APPROXIMATE SIZE CORRECTLY (OR AT LEAST WHAT WE DEEM “CORRECT”). MEANWHILE, MOVIE SCREENS NO WORK THAT WAY. FOR ONE THEY BIG RECTANGULAR 2:35 : 1. THE ONLY SCREEN THAT “OBSERVE” LIKE OUR EYEBALLS = THE OMNI THEATER IN BOSTON. HERE LINK: http://www.flickr.com/photos/25729481@N03/2784467950/ BUT KEEP IN MIND THERE SO MUCH ON THE PERIPHERY TO SEE SO IT “IMMERSIVE” JUST LIKE REAL LIFE VISION.

HERE THE PROBLEM: WE NO WANT MOVIES BE LIKE REAL LIFE VISION. ANY ATTEMPTS TO DO SO NOT WORK CORRECTLY ON SCREEN. WE MUST BE ABLE TO CONTAIN THE WHOLE FRAME IN ORDER PROCESS THE ACTION AND SPACE. WHICH MEANS THAT IN ORDER FOR THE SPACE TO LOOK “REAL” ON SCREEN, THE LENSES OF THE CAMERAS MUST SLIGHTLY AFFECT THE PERCEIVED MASS OF THE CENTER POINTS (READ: THE ACTORS OR OBJECTS) IN ORDER TO GET THE SURROUNDING SPACE TO LOOK CORRECT. OTHER WISE EVERYTHING ELSE ON SCREEN LOOK LIKE WALL EYE VISION. http://www.espn.go.com/photo/2006/0410/nhl_g_kings_275.jpg.  WHICH OBVIOUSLY NOT LOOK RIGHT CAUSE OUR EYES ALREADY FOCUSING ON PERIPHERY. SO WE HAVE USE LENSES THAT CREATE MORE FOCUSED CENTRAL OBJECT.

NOW, EVEN WITH THE “SCREEN APPROPRIATE” LENSES, THERE STILL ONES THAT MORE SLIMMING THAN OTHERS. THE GREAT DIRECTOR ROBERT BRESSON TRIED TO ONLY USE THE 50MM LENS CAUSE HE THOUGHT IT CAME CLOSEST TO APPROXIMATING THE ‘CENTER” POINT OF THE HUMAN EYE, AND AS RESULT IT KIND OF SLIMMING.

BUT YES: THE CAMERA USUALLY ADDS TEN POUNDS. IF IT DID NOT, THE REST OF MOVIES WOULD NO “LOOK RIGHT.” AND YES AGAIN, IT ULTIMATELY SPURS ON COMPLEXES IN ACTRESSES EVERYWHERE. HULK MET A GOOD DEAL OF POPULAR ACTRESSES IN REAL LIFE. THE SO-CALLED-LARGER ONES LOOK PERFECTLY NORMAL IF NOT AMAZING. THE NORMAL ONES LOOK VERY SKINNY. THE SKINNY ONES = CRAZY SKINNY. AND THE SAME TRUE OF MALE ACTORS. YOU BE SURPRISED TO SEE HOW SKINNY THEY ARE IN REAL LIFE.

ANYWHO THERE MORE OPTICAL DETAILS THAT GO INTO IT, BUT THIS ANSWER WORK?

This answer works, thank you very much… Does this apply to still-shot cameras as well, or is it only motion picture ones? It seems like it must, given what you said here, but I’m curious.

-Bevin

IT DEPEND, MOST HIGH LEVEL STILL-SHOT CAMERAS USE A ZOOM LENS THAT RANGE FROM ABOUT 28MM-135MM. LOWER QUALITY CAN HOVER BETWEEN 30-55MM. MEANING THAT IT CAN RUN THE GAMUT BUT DEPENDING ON HOW MUCH ONE “ZOOMING” IT EFFECT HOW SOMEONE LOOK IN THE PICTURE. THAT LARGELY WHY THERE “FLATTERING PICTURES” AND “NOT FLATTERING WHATSOEVER PICTURES.” THINGS TO REMEMBER 1) A ZOOM LENS NOT A “TRUE” LENS, MEANING IT MORE SIMULATING THE EFFECTS OF USING THAT SIZE A LENS AND NOT GIVING THE SAME IMAGE QUALITY. THAT WHY CAMERA CREWS USE LIKE 20 DIFFERENT LENSES AND NOT JUST ONE ZOOM LENS. THEY JUST NOT AS GOOD. AND 2) IT NOT LIKE THERE SOME IDEAL LENS FOR PHOTOGRAPHING PEOPLE IN ORDER MAKE LOOK GOOD. IT DEPEND ON HOW FAR AWAY PERSON IS, THE SURROUNDING SPACE, THE SHAPE OF PERSON/PERSON’S FACE, THE LIGHTING, EVERYTHING. YOU CAN SORT OF MAKE ANYONE LOOK GOOD WITH ANY LENS AT ANY DISTANCE, THINGS JUST NEED BE ADJUST TO BE PHOTOGRAPHED CORRECTLY.

NATURALLY MOST PEOPLE JUST POINT AND SHOOT AND TRY TO GET THE CAMERA TO DO AS MUCH OF THE WORK AS POSSIBLE. HONESTLY, CAMERAS ADJUST PRETTY WELL NOWADAYS, BUT STILL IT NOT MAGIC AND IT REASON LOTS OF PHOTOGRAPHS NO COME OUT FLATTERING. MEANWHILE, GREAT PHOTOGRAPHERS ARE EXPERTS OF NUANCE…. WELL… TECHNICALLY ALL GREATLY SKILLED PEOPLE ARE EXPERTS OF NUANCE.

❤ HULK

QUESTION #9

How my fist taste?

-Abomination

HULK THINK THERE MANY PROBLEMS WITH ARGUMENT SIR.

FIRST OFF, WHEN YOU EVER BEAT HULK? NEVER.

SECOND OFF, YOU ONCE BEAT BY NAMOR… FUCKING NAMOR.

THIRD OFF, YOU LOOK LIKE KILLER CROC HAD SEX WITH A MUPPET.

FOURTH OFF, YOU ONCE PAID MONEY FOR “WITLESS PROTECTION

FIFTH OFF, THAT MOVIE SO BAD IT ONCE GAVE SOMEONE CANCER. TRUE FACT.

LAST OFF, SHUTYOURSTUPIDFACE.

NO ❤ HULK

THAT END THE QUESTIONS!

HULK GOT LOADS MORE QUESTIONS. THEY COMING MAILBAG PART 2. KEEP EM COMING!