THINGS HULK THINKS ABOUT WHEN THERE IS NO POWER

HULK FINISHING UP OTHER COLUMNS SO IN THE MEANTIME, HERE’S EXACTLY WHAT HULK JUST SAID, A LIST OF THINGS HULK THINKS ABOUT WHEN THERE IS NO POWER:

-WHAT EVERY SINGLE OTHER MOVIE WOULD HAVE BEEN LIKE IF DIRECTED BY STANLEY KUBRICK

-HOW JOHN HAMM DEALS WITH KNOWING THAT EVERY SINGLE PERSON TALKING TO HIM, MALE OR FEMALE, JUST IS THINKING ABOUT KISSING HIM AT THAT MOMENT.

-SPORTS!

-WHY NO ONE SEEMS TO TALK ABOUT THE FACT WOLVERINE SMELLS BAD

-BUT NOT AS BAD AS BEAST

-WHY IS EVERYONE ON X-BOX LIVE SO DAMN RACIST? AND WHEN WILL THE POWER COME BACK ON SO HULK CAN PLAY X-BOX AGAIN?

-IF HULK’S MASSIVE HATE OF BRETT RATNER STEMS FROM A CHILDHOOD INCIDENT INVOLVING RATNER TOUCHING HULK’S BATHING SUIT AREA.

-WHAT IT’S LIKE TO RIDE A ROLLERCOASTER. HULK TOO BIG FOR ROLLERCOASTERS. #HULKPEOPLEPROBLEMS

-HOW THE MOST RIDICULOUS CAPITAL-H-HYPOCRISY STEMS FROM ANYONE BEING ANTI-IMMIGRATION IF THEY’RE NOT, LIKE, NATIVE AMERICAN. BUT THIS GOES DOUBLE FOR ANYONE OF THE ANYONE OF LATE 1800-1900’S WAVE OF IRISH, JEWISH, ITALIAN, OR GERMAN.

-ROCKS

-WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO THAT ONE GUY HULK KNEW FROM HIGH SCHOOL (WHO ISN’T ON FACEBOOK).

-HOW THE LAST DECADE WOULD BE DIFFERENT IF GEORGE LUCAS HAD SOMEONE AROUND HIM TELLING HIM “NO.”

-THE PARENTS OF THE FOLLOWING PEOPLE WHO SHOULD GET MEDALS FOR NAMING THEIR KIDS PERFECTLY: KIRBY PUCKETT, NAOMI WATTS, BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH, HANK AZARIA, HONEYSUCKLE WEEKS, AND HERBIE HANCOCK (THAT HIS REAL NAME?).

-WHAT’S UP WITH ALL THE BUGS?

-HOW FUCKING SMART STEVEN SODERBERGH IS.

-WHAT HULK WILL SAY IN THE EVENT OF A SURPRISE ARRIVAL THE PEARLY GATES (AFTER YEARS OF ATHEISM)