HULK HAS SAID THIS TO YOU MANY, MANY TIMES OVER THE COURSE OF THIS BLOG.
SADLY, A LOT OF FILMMAKERS FAIL TO REALIZE THIS, EVEN SOME GOOD ONES. BUT THE PROBLEM ONLY GROWS BECAUSE IT IS ALLOWED TO FESTER. HOLLYWOOD IS AN INDUSTRY WHERE MOVIES ARE SOLD ON HALF-GESTATED CONCEITS AND THE ATTACHED-TALENT ALONE, THUS THEY REGARD THAT PESKY ENDING THINGY AS JUST SOMETHING THAT CAN BE “FIGURED OUT LATER.” THE FUNNY THING IS THAT THIS NOTION DENIES THE REALITY THAT ANY IDEA HAS TO HAVE A RELATIVE POINT TO IT, BUT HEY, WHAT DOES HULK KNOW? THE RESULT OF THIS CONFUSION IS THAT MOVIE-GOERS ARE OFTEN TREATED TO A SERIES OF LIMP-DICK ENDINGS THAT NO ONE REALLY EVER BOTHERED TO THINK ABOUT IN TERMS OF THE MOVIE THAT CAME BEFORE… BUT PERHAPS HULK BEING A BIT CYNICAL.
MOST OF THE TIME WE GET PLAIN, OLD CLICHE ENDINGS; THE ONES THAT COME TO PASS WITHOUT ANY SENSE OF BEING EARNED. THEY ARE DESIGNED TO MERELY SATISFY OUR MOST BASIC AND FAMILIAR EXPECTATIONS OF THE MOVIE-GOING EXPERIENCE AND WHY? “BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT MOVIES DO.” HULK ARGUES THIS KIND OF CINEMATIC EXECUTION IS ACTUALLY A SOCIOPATHIC BEHAVIOR.
TO EXPLAIN: HULK DOESN’T MEAN SOCIOPATHIC IN THE “I WANT TO KILL PEOPLE” WAY PEOPLE COMMONLY MISTAKE IT FOR, BUT IN THE WAY THAT ONE HUMAN BEING POORLY TRIES TO RELATE TO ANOTHER HUMAN THROUGH CONCEPTS THEY DON’T ACTUALLY UNDERSTAND. THIS IS TECHNICALLY THE TRUE DEFINITION OF SOCIOPATHY (IF THE LESS HARMFUL ONE). THIS MEANS THAT SOCIOPATHS ONLY EXHIBIT FEELINGS BECAUSE THEY THINK THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO, WHICH IN TURN MEANS YES, THESE KINDS OF MOVIES ARE DEFINITELY SOCIOPATHIC. HULK KNOWS THIS IS ON ODD WAY TO CHARACTERIZE THE WHOLE PHENOMENON. WHEN DESCRIBING THESE MOVIES IT IS PERHAPS BETTER TO USE TERMS OF NON-PERSONIFICATION; TO MERELY CALL THIS THINKING MECHANICAL, BACKWARDS, OR JUST SILLY. BUT HULK REALLY WANTED TO MAKE THE POINT THE PRACTICE IS A KIND OF HOLLOW HUMANITY. MOVIES ARE MADE SO THAT WE SHOULD CONNECT WITH THEM AND TO FAIL IN THAT AIM IS TO SADLY FAIL AT THE VERY INTENTION OF FILMMAKING.
THIS ISN’T TO SAY TRADITIONAL ENDINGS CAN’T BE WELL-EARNED OR NICELY OBSERVED, NOT AT ALL. FILMS LIKE THE KINGS SPEECH COME TO MIND AS A GOOD EXAMPLE… THOUGH YOU’D HAVE TO IGNORE THE INFLUENCE OF ACTUAL HISTORY IN THAT CASE, BUT YOU TOTALLY GET THE IDEA. THESE WELL-EARNED ENDINGS WORK BECAUSE, EVEN WITH ALL THE FAMILIAR AFFIRMATIONS AT PLAY, THE MOVIE HAS LIKELY FOLLOWED THE CONCEIT THROUGH TO A FULL-ON CONCLUSION. THIS IS UPSTANDING THE POWER OF THEME. IT GIVES FILMS THINGS LIKE, YOU KNOW, “WEIGHT” AND “MEANING.” WHICH IS GOOD BECAUSE IT’S ALL SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT CATHARSIS AFTER ALL.
AGAIN, THE ENDING IS THE CONCEIT.
THERE IS ANOTHER KIND OF ENDING THAT PERHAPS PROVES THAT THIS CONCEPT IS TRUE BEYOND A SHADOW OF A DOUBT. THESE ARE THE TRANSFORMATIVE ENDINGS; THE KIND OF ENDINGS THAT CAN EITHER NARRATIVE-LY OR THEMATICALLY RESHAPE EVERYTHING YOU’VE JUST WATCHED. ONES WHERE YOU SLAP YOURSELF ON THE HEAD AND REALIZE JUST EXACTLY WHAT KIND OF MOVIE YOU WERE WATCHING THE ENTIRE TIME. OH. IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE SOME RUG-PULLING PLOT TWIST WHERE SOMEONE WAS DEAD THE WHOLE TIME OR SOMETHING. NO, THE KIND OF ENDINGS HULK IS TALKING ABOUT ARE A LOT MORE RESONANT THAN CHEAP TRICKS. THEY ARE THE WONDERFUL MOMENTS WHERE YOU GO “OHHHHH, SO THAT’S WHAT IT WAS REALLY ABOUT!” IT DOESN’T EVEN NEED TO BE SOMETHING GRAND OR OBVIOUS EITHER, AS THE SMALLEST GESTURE WILL DO, BUT THE KEY TO THESE ENDINGS IS THAT WHATEVER HAPPENS, IT REVEALS THE LONG-PRESENT HEART OF A MOVIE IN A TRANSFORMATIVE WAY.
WELL… JAMES GUNN’S SUPER HAS ONE OF THOSE ENDINGS.(1)
BUT PERHAPS HULK GETTING AHEAD OF HULK-SELF. LET’S BACK UP A BIT, SHALL WE?
HULK GOING TO BE UPFRONT ABOUT THIS: THE IMPORTANT THING TO DO BEFORE WATCHING SUPER IS TO ADJUST YOUR EXPECTATIONS AND MINDSET. THAT IS BECAUSE FOR MANY VIEWERS, JAMES GUNN’S SUPER IS A TRULY GREAT MOVIE THAT SIMPLY DOES NOT BENEFIT FROM CLOSE PROXIMITY OF RELEASE TO KICK ASS. THEY ARE VERY, VERY DIFFERENT FILMS AND MOST OF YOU HOPEFULLY SEE THAT DIFFERENCE, BUT IT IS HARD NOT TO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT MANY OF THE THINGS THAT WOULD HAVE MADE SUPER SOMETHING “SPECIAL” ON THE LARGER, TANGIBLE LEVEL OF CULTURAL PENETRATION (THINGS LIKE: SOCIOPATHY-AS-SUPERHERO [HULK MEANS IT IN THE KILLING WAY THIS TIME], CARTOONISH SKEWING OF GRISLY VIOLENCE, AND THE SAME VIOLENCE THEN USED FOR GUT-DROPPING DRAMA) ARE SOMEWHAT MUTED BECAUSE THERE IS ANOTHER RECENT FILM THAT KINDA SORTA DOES SOME OF THE SAME THINGS… UGH… THIS IS ADMITTEDLY DUMB, BUT THERE IS THIS WEIRD PRECEDENCE WHERE WE THINK ALL MOVIES SEEM TO EXIST TO THE SAME “WORLD” WITH THEIR OWN TIME-LINED HISTORY EVEN IF THEY ACTUALLY DON’T. EVEN THE MOST ASTUTE MOVIE GOER FALLS VICTIM TO IT.(2) THIS KIND OF THINKING IS BOTH UNFORTUNATE, PERPLEXING, AND YET IT IS ALSO UNAVOIDABLE.
PICTURED: CONTINUITY POLICE
BUT THIS IS OKAY.
THIS IS ACTUALLY VERY, VERY OKAY.
BECAUSE THE SIMILARITIES ONLY HELP TO HIGHLIGHT THE KEY DIFFERENCES. IT IS NOT THE SUPERHERO TREATMENT OF VIOLENCE THAT MAKES THE SUPER DISTINCT, NOR IT’S DECONSTRUCTION, NOR THE ALLEGORY OF SOCIOPATHY OR FASCISM… WHAT MAKES THE FILM SPECIAL IS THAT IT USES SUPERHEROISM AS A NEAR-PERFECT ALLEGORY OF PSYCHOLOGICAL DISPLACEMENT. SPECIFICALLY, IN REGARDS TO… BREAK-UPS?
YUP. BREAK-UPS.
SUPER IS THE STORY OF FRANK, A SAD SACK, INEFFECTUAL LINE COOK (RAINN WILSON) WHOSE WIFE SARAH (LIV TYLER) IS CURRENTLY FALLING OFF THE WAGON. FRANK MAY BE A LOSER, BUT HE IS A LOSER WHO WANTS SIMPLE, PURE THINGS FROM LIFE: TO BE GOOD AND TO LOVE HIS WIFE… ONE COULD CERTAINLY DO WORSE. IN FACT, WE LEARN THAT THIS SIMPLICITY AND INNATE GOODNESS IS WHAT ATTRACTED SARAH TO FRANK IN THE FIRST PLACE. ALAS, SARAH SLIPS BACK ONTO HARD DRUGS AND IS PROMPTLY SWEPT UP AS THE NEW GIRLFRIEND OF A LOCAL DRUG BOSS.
THIS SENDS FRANK, SOMEONE WHO SEES THE WORLD IN SUCH SIMPLE BLACK & WHITE TERMS, COMPLETELY OVER THE EDGE. IT IS IMPORTANT TO REALIZE THAT FRANK IS NOT A COMIC BOOK-LOVING INDIVIDUAL. THE SUPERHERO THING IS ALMOST INCIDENTAL, A WAY TO TRANSFER THE INJUSTICE OF THE BREAK UP (AND THE GUY WHO MADE IT POSSIBLE FOR HER TO FALL) ONTO THE LARGER INJUSTICES OF SOCIETY AT LARGE. IT SHOULD BE MENTIONED THAT FRANK CHOOSES THIS MODE OF EXPRESSION AFTER BEING HILARIOUSLY TOUCHED/TENTACLE-RAPED BY THE FINGER OF GOD, WHICH IS EITHER A GENUINE EVENT OR ONE OF MANY PREVIOUSLY-ALLUDED-TO SCHIZOPHRENIC HALLUCINATIONS.(3) BUT WHAT IS MORE IMPORTANT IS THAT FRANK’S GOAL OF ATTAINING SUPERHEROISM IS ONLY A COINCIDENTAL VEHICLE TO PURITY… MAYBE EVEN NIRVANA. OF COURSE, FRANK IS COMPLETELY OUT OF CONTROL IN HIS APPROACH AND BEATS THE LIVING FUCK OUT OF CRIMINALS WITH A WRENCH. IT’S A HILARIOUS AND DISTURBINGLY ACCURATE DEPICTION OF PURITY PERVERTED. THIS IS WHAT ABSOLUTISM LOOKS LIKE FOLKS.
IT LOOKS HURTY
MAKE NO MISTAKE, THE PERVERSION OF PURITY IS EXACTLY WHAT IS GOING ON HERE. IT IS NO ACCIDENT THAT FRANK’S INSPIRATION FOR HIS SUPERHEROICS ORIGINALLY CAME FROM A CHEESY/BAD TV SHOW ABOUT A CHRISTIAN SUPERHERO, ONE THAT IS SIMPLY DRIPPING WITH BACKWARDS APPROACHES TO SEXUALITY AND THE SACRED MIND. FOR ONE, THE SHOW ADDRESSES THEIR WRONG-HEADED NOTION OF SECULAR SEXUALITY BY DRESSING UP THEIR ACTORS AS TITILLATING NYMPHOMANIACS… CAUSE THAT WILL WORK. WHICH THEN MEANS THE DUPLICITY OF PURE INTENTIONS GONE AWRY IS CLEARLY SOMETHING THAT IS NOT LOST ON GUNN. FRANK, IS EXACTLY LIKE THIS CHRISTIAN TV SHOW, GOING ABOUT HIS QUEST FOR PURITY IN A COMPLETELY WRONG-HEADED WAY. THEY’RE BOTH SIMULTANEOUSLY GIVING INTO URGES WHILE DECRYING THEM: CRIME VIA CRIME, SEX VIA SEX. THE ONLY DIFFERENCE IS THE VIEWPOINT AND IN THE INNATE BELIEF IN ONE’S OWN GOODNESS. HEROIC INDEED.
HULK WILL STOP FOR A MOMENT HERE TO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT RAINN WILSON DELIVERS AN EXCEPTIONAL PERFORMANCE IN SUPER. THERE’S SOMETHING INHERENTLY CHILD-LIKE ABOUT WILSON, SO HIS FITS OF RAGE COME ACROSS LIKE THAT OF AN INDIGNANT TODDLER. BUT THERE IS ALSO SOMETHING UNIQUE TO HIS MAN-CHILD. IT IS NOT FRATTISH AMATEURISM ON DISPLAY BUT SOMETHING ELSE. WILSON IS RAW AND UNFORMED, CHANNELING SOMETHING DARK, PRIMORDIAL AND YET SOMEHOW INNOCENT AT THE SAME TIME. LOTS OF PEOPLE PROBABLY WON’T SEE IT, BUT WILSON REALLY DIGS DEEP HERE AND FINDS SOMETHING KIND OF AMAZING. AT THE SAME TIME, ELLEN PAGE DESERVES PRAISE FOR WHAT HULK WILL CALL PURE COURAGE. ONE OF THOSE THINGS ABOUT ACTING THAT MOST PEOPLE DON’T UNDERSTAND IS THAT YOU ARE CONSTANTLY PUTTING YOURSELF OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE… COMPLETELY OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE IN MOST CASES… AND THERE IS A WAY THAT PAGE THROWS HERSELF INTO THIS BRAZEN, UNHINGED ROLE WITH RECKLESS ABANDON. HULK NOT SURE IF SHE’S SHE ALWAYS IN CONTROL OF THE PORTRAYAL OF THE SOCIOPATHY THAT EMERGES FROM HER, BUT THE ENERGY AND COMMITMENT IS UNDENIABLE. MORE IMPORTANTLY, THE EFFECT ON RAINN AND THE MOVIE AT LARGE IS WONDERFUL.(4) ANYWHO, THE TWO OF THEM EVENTUALLY GO FULL-RETARD IN TERMS OF SUPERHEROISM AND TAKE TO IT’S LOGICAL, HORRIBLE ENDPOINT.
THE ENSUING COMIC BOOK DECONSTRUCTION IS HILARIOUS AND RATHER DARK… LIKE, JET-BLACK DARK. BUT WE APPROPRIATELY GET LOST IN THE MANIACAL JOY AND BACKWARD ETHOS THE SAME WAY THAT FRANK DOES… OF COURSE, THIS DOES NOT LAST FOREVER. BECAUSE ULTIMATELY THE MOVIE NOT ONLY BECOMES ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE, BUT IT BECOMES SOMETHING ELSE… AND THAT IS SOMETHING ELSE IS POIGNANT.
YOU HEARD HULK
IT IS ABLE TO BECOME THAT SOMETHING ELSE DUE TO POWER OF THAT TRANSFORMATIVE ENDING THINGY HULK MENTIONED EARLIER (SEE, HULK EVENTUALLY GETS TO HULK’S POINTS!). HULK WARN WE GOING TO GET ALL SPOILERY NOW, BUT THAT’S OKAY, THE MOVIE BEEN OUT FOR LONG ENOUGH HULK THINK. AND MORE THAN THAT IF IT’S TRUE THAT “NO GOOD MOVIE CAN BE SPOILED” THEN HULK’S PRETTY SURE THIS WOULDN’T TRULY AFFECT YOUR VIEWING AND MAY INSTEAD GIVE YOU A BETTER LENS TO VIEW IT WITH.
SO…
SUPERHEROISM IS ABOUT MANY THINGS, BUT ONE OF THEM IS THE LACK OF AMBIGUITY. THE GUY DEALING DRUGS IN A PARK IS NOT PART OF A LARGER SYSTEMIC PROBLEM, BUT INSTEAD HE IS A PERSON GIVEN A CHOICE TO DO RIGHT OR DO WRONG AND THEY CHOSE WRONG. AS SUCH, FRANK BRINGS THE PAIN ACCORDINGLY. THE END OF THE FILM ACTUALLY HAS FRANK GIVE AN IMPASSIONED (AND PRETTY CONVINCING) SPEECH ABOUT THIS VERY TOPIC. FRANK GETS RIGHT INTO A BAD GUY’S FACE, SCREAMING AT HIM THAT, “THE RULES WERE MADE A LONG TIME AGO” AND BASICALLY IMPLYING THAT WE’VE BECOME SO COMFORTABLE BREAKING MOST THEM THAT WE’VE ALMOST FORGOT WHY WE MADE THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE. IN A WAY, FRANK IS ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. SOCIETY IS A NECESSARY CONSTRUCTION AND SOMETIMES THE OLD FASHIONED CONCEPT OF “RIGHT AND WRONG” IS ABSOLUTELY CRITICAL TO OUR SURVIVAL… THEN AGAIN, THE VALIDITY OF THIS MESSAGE IS TEMPERED BY THE FACT THAT FRANK ROUNDS OUT THIS SPEECH BY MANIACALLY STABBING A GUY TO DEATH, BUT HEY, AMBIGUITY IS NOT FOR STABBIN’.
BUT AGAIN, HULK DOESN’T THINK GUNN IS REALLY INTERESTED IN THE MORALISTIC IMPLICATIONS OF SOCIETY OR EVEN REALLY IF FRANK IS RIGHT OR WRONG. GUNN IS INTERESTED IN THE THINKING AND THE DYNAMIC THAT CREATES IT. THIS IS ABOUT HOW WE ADOPT MORALS TO DISGUISE WHAT’S REALLY BOTHERING US.
SUPER IS ABOUT DISPLACEMENT.
WE KNOW THIS BECAUSE, AFTER THE BLOODY CLIMAX, THE FILM MOVES TOWARD THE REAL ENDING. FRANK REUNITES WITH SARAH, BUT ONLY FOR A SHORT TIME OUT OF HER “SENSE OF OBLIGATION.” THIS MOMENT SHOULD BE MORE UNNERVING, A HAPPY ENDING SLIPPING OUT OF GRASP, BUT FRANK EXPLAINS IT ALL A WAY THAT MAKES IT ALL OKAY. FRANK CONTINUES: SARAH MOVES ON FROM HIM, FINDING SOMEONE WHO IS BETTER SUITED FOR HER TROUBLES, HER HUMANITY, HER AMBIGUITY. FRANK NARRATES THESE EVENTS WITH A KIND OF SWEET HONESTY AND UNDERSTANDING. NOT ONLY HAS FRANK CHANGED, BUT WE BEGIN TO REALIZE/REMEMBER THAT THIS WAS ACTUALLY THE SORT OF PERSON HE WAS IN THE BEGINNING. THEN, IN THE AGONY OF THE BREAK-UP, FRANK LOST SIGHT OF JUST HOW MUCH “RIGHTEOUSNESS” MATTERS IN A HAZE OF ANGER, RESENTMENT, AND LACK OF UNDERSTANDING. BUT NOW THAT FRANK HAS GONE THROUGH THE RING OF FIRE TO PULL SARAH OUT, NOW THAT SHE IS IN A BETTER PLACE, HE TOO IS IN A BETTER PLACE. HE STILL EVEN GETS TO BE A PART OF HER LIFE, BECOMING “UNCLE FRANK” TO HER KIDS. THE MONTAGE GUNN PUTS TOGETHER HERE IS UNDERSTATED, DISARMING, AND QUIETLY STUNNING. IT IS WHOLLY REPRESENTATIVE OF A KIND OF BEAUTIFUL CATHARSIS FOR A CHARACTER WHO NOW UNDERSTANDS EXACTLY WHAT HE DID, WHY, AND THE WAYS IN WHICH IT IS NOT NECESSARY ANYMORE.
FRANK AND THE MOVIE HAVE TRANSFORMED.
BETTER YET, THIS ENDING RESHAPES THE COMIC BOOK BLACK COMEDY THAT PRECEDED IT, BRINGING IT ALL BACK AROUND TO MAKE THE ENTIRE FILM A NEAR-PERFECT ALLEGORY OF BREAK-UPS. HULK IMAGINES THERE ARE A WHOLE BUNCH OF VIEWERS WHO DON’T FULLY SEE HOW THIS MOVIE CONNECTS TO THE DARK, FUNNY SUPERHERO MOVIE THAT CAME JUST BEFORE, BUT INDULGE HULK FOR A MOMENT:
THINK ABOUT BREAK UPS. THINK ABOUT YOUR BREAKUPS. THINK ABOUT HOW WE DISPLACE OUR FEELINGS. THINK OF WHO WE BLAME AND WHY. THINK THE LACK OF AMBIGUITY WE ADOPT. THE RAGE. THE EMOTION. THE LACK OF GOD DAMN REASON. HECK, IS THERE ANYTHING ON EARTH THAT FUELS US MORE TO CHANGE? NOT JUST TO, SAY, LOSE WEIGHT OR CHANGE APPEARANCE, BUT TO ADOPT NEW THINKING? TO TRANSFORM?(5) THIS IS THE POWER OF BREAK UPS. HULK ARGUE THERE ARE FEW THINGS MORE POTENT TO OUR MENTAL VIEWPOINT. BUT SINCE THIS IS AN ALLEGORY, FRANK DOES NOT GET BURNED IN HIS TRIP INTO THE RING OF FIRE, NO FRANK MAKES IT OKAY THROUGH THE OTHER SIDE, JUST AS WE ALL DO WITH BREAK-UPS. FRANKS LITERAL BATTLES ARE OUR METAPHORICAL ONES. AND THEN THIS BLATANTLY LOVABLE AND DANGEROUS SOCIOPATH COMES TO HIS MOMENT OF TRUE UNDERSTANDING AND MOVES ON AS A MORE COMPLETE PERSON… IT’S KIND OF BEAUTIFUL REALLY.
YOU CAN SEE IT TOO, CAN'T YOU?!?!
OH BY THE WAY, HULK TOTALLY LIED TO YOU EARLIER.
HULK SAID WHAT MADE SUPER INTERESTING HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH COMICS, AND THAT’S ONLY HALF TRUE. THE MOVIES DOES HAVE MANY WONDERFUL THINGS TO SAY ABOUT THE NATURE OF RELATIONSHIPS AND BREAKUPS, BUT ONCE YOU ESTABLISH THOSE IDEAS, THEY CAN THEN BE RE-INTERPRETED BACK INTO HOW DISPLACEMENT WORKS IN COMICS AND SUPERHEROES. PLEASE KEEP IN MIND THAT, LIKE ALL THINGS, THIS IS HULK’S INTERPRETATION OF THE MOVIE. HULK JUST ONE PERSON (THOUGH, COME ON, HULK COUNT AS MUCH AS TWO PUNY HUMANS). BUT HULK REALLY BELIEVES THIS APTITUDE FOR DISPLACEMENT GETS TO THE HEART OF WHY SUPERHEROES RESONATE WITH US MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE.
THINK ABOUT IT. LET’S GO TO AN EXAMPLE. LET’S GO TO SUPERMAN. WHY IS DISPLACEMENT IMPORTANT WITH SUPERMAN? BETTER QUESTION: WHY ISN’T SUPERMAN AS POPULAR AS HE ONCE WAS? BECAUSE SUPERMAN WORKS BEST AS A VEHICLE FOR OUR DESIRE TO BE INVINCIBLE. MORTALITY USED TO BE A REGULAR FIXTURE OF CHILDREN’S LIVES. SPECIFICALLY THINK ABOUT POST-WAR SUBURBIA: POLIO, THE COLD WAR, NUCLEAR ARMAGEDDON, POORER MEDICAL CARE IN GENERAL. BASICALLY, DEATH WAS VERY MUCH A PRESENT AND TANGIBLE THING. AND WHAT WOULD ANY KID WANT WHEN THEY ARE LIVING IN THAT KIND OF REALITY? THE SAME REALITY WHERE MOST KIDS NEVER FLEW ON AN AIRPLANE? THE SAME REALITY WHERE MOST OF THEIR FATHERS WATCHED THEIR BROTHERS-IN-ARMS DIE IN WORLD WAR 2? IN THAT CULTURE IT IS NOT QUITE A STRETCH TO SAY WHY SUPERMAN RESONATED SO DEEPLY. IT WAS A MATTER OF DISPLACEMENT: THEY WANTED TO BE INVINCIBLE.
BUT NOW? INVINCIBILITY IS THE SURBURBAN EXPECTATION. KIDS DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT FANTASIZING ABOUT BEING INVINCIBLE ANYMORE BECAUSE THEY ALREADY ARE. SO THE POPULARITY OF SUPERMAN PLUMMETED. IT’S NO ACCIDENT THAT ROCK BOTTOM WAS HIT ALONGSIDE THE MUCH PUBLICIZED “DEATH OF SUPERMAN”… THE WRITERS DIDN’T EVEN REALIZE THEY QUELLED THE MOST IMPORTANT THING ABOUT HIM: HIS INVINCIBILITY.
"MOMMY, I WANT TO BE THAT GUY!"
BUT WHO’S POPULARITY SKYROCKETED? BATMAN’S DID. NOTHING QUITE LIKE THE UNHINGED SOCIOPATH WHO IS DARK, BROODING AND TAKE OUT ALL THE TROUBLES AND INJUSTICES OF THE WORLD BY BEING THE GODDAMN BATMAN AND BEATING THE CRAP OUT OF PEOPLE. THAT’S WHAT KIDS WANT THESE DAYS. INJUSTICES AREN’T WORLDLY THEY ARE SCHOOLYARD AND PERSONAL. WHERE SUPERMAN EFFORTLESSLY STOPPED BULLIES AND DID THE RIGHT THING, BATMAN EMBRACED HIS INNER DARKNESS AND TOOK OUT THE INJUSTICE OF HIS PARENTS’ DEATH ON THE WHOLE CRIME AT LARGE. BATMAN IS THE VERY MODEL FOR ANGER DISPLACEMENT. HE ISN’T GIVEN A GREAT POWER. HE ISN’T A BOY SCOUT. HE IS AN ANGRY YOUNG MAN. AND WE WANT TO BE HIM SO WE CAN TAKE DOWN THE BULLIES… OKAY SO MAYBE OUR MOTIVATIONS ARE A LITTLE MORE NUANCED THAN THAT LATER ON IN LIFE, BUT THERE IS NO DENYING BATMAN FANS ARE STILL CHANNELING SOMETHING INTO THEIR DESIRE TO BE THE DARK KNIGHT… AND LIKE FRANK, HULK ARGUE THE ACT OF DOING SO IS NOT SO PRETTY.
DISPLACEMENT IS ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS TO SUPERHERO GENRE AND JAMES GUNN SEEMS TO KNOW THAT. SURE KICK ASS HAS A LOT OF INTERESTING THINGS TO SAY ABOUT HOW WE RELATE TO COMICS, BUT SUPERIS COMICS IF THAT MAKES SENSE.
SUPER GIVES US AN ORIGINAL ONE AFTER ALL: THE CRIMSON BOLT! A SUPERHERO WHO CAN OVERCOME BREAKUPS. IT GIVES US WISH FULFILLMENT BY UNDOING THE INJUSTICE/SAVING THE GIRL WE LOST, AND ALSO TEACHES US WHY WE WANT TO BE SUPERHEROES IN THE FIRST PLACE. BUT IT ALSO TRANSFORMS…
AGAIN, THE ENDING IS THE CONCEIT. AND JAMES GUNN GIVES US AN ENDING THAT SHOWS US HOW WE CAN HOPE TO OVERCOME IT. NOT JUST BREAK UPS, BUT THE MORAL INCLINATION TOWARD ABSOLUTE PURITY. TO AVOID THE KINDS OF ABSOLUTISM THAT ONLY BREEDS CONFLICT. TO EMBRACE OUR AMBIGUITY WHILE STILL HOLDING ON TO THAT SHINING LIGHT OF GOODNESS TUCKED DEEP IN OUR HEARTS.
AND BY DOING THAT. JAMES GUNN CREATES A RARE, UNIQUE MOVIE THAT MAKES US FEEL BETTER.
AFTER ALL, THIS IS ABOUT CATHARSIS, RIGHT?
MAYBE WE CAN EVEN GET A RABBIT.
ENDNOTES!
(1) FOR REFERENCE, THE LIST OF OTHER MOVIES THAT INCLUDE THESE SORTS OF TRANSFORMATIVE ENDINGS INCLUDE THE ALTERCATION WITH KAY/CLOSING DOOR OF THE GODFATHER, THE ZIPPING OF THE BAG IN ALL THAT JAZZ, THE “HAIL SATAN!” OF ROSEMARY’S BABY, THE SEAT-BELT SIGN IN SAY ANYTHING, THE WALK ACROSS THE POND IN BEING THERE, THE LAST FEW MINUTES OF FIGHT CLUB (“YOU’VE MET ME AT A VERY STRANGE TIME IN MY LIFE”), AND THE ENTIRETY OF PAUL THOMAS ANDERSON’S WORK (THINK ABOUT IT: HIDING THE BLOOD ON THE CUFF, “YOU’RE A STAR,” THE HINT OF A SMILE, A HUG FROM BEHIND, AND LASTLY, “I’M FINISHED.” PTA IS THE MASTER OF THE SMALL GESTURE).
(2) FOR EXAMPLE, “HOW COME NO ONE HAS EVER BEEN A SUPER HERO BEFORE?” NOT ONLY HAS THIS QUESTION BEEN ASKED IN A MULTITUDE OF RECENT META-COMIC BOOK FILMS, BUT WE ACTUALLY DO HAVE REAL LIFE SUPERHEROES THESE DAYS AND THEY’RE IN SEATTLE. CHANCES ARE YOU’RE ALREADY AWARE, BUT IF NOT, THEY’RE CALLED THE RAIN CITY SUPERHERO MOVEMENT. IF YOU HAVEN’T HEARD OF THEM… WELL THEN THERE’S THE ANSWER TO HOW AMERICANS WOULD REACT IF BATMAN WAS REAL: WE WOULDN’T. ANYCRAP, THE POINT TO ALL OF THIS IS THAT ASKING IF THESE META QUESTIONS AND SPECIFIC DETAILS ARE CHANGED BY CURRENT EVENTS IT CAN THROW US OFF… AGAIN, SOMETHING TOTALLY UNFAIR BUT SOMETHING WE CAN’T HELP BUT DO.
(3) ALSO, THE IDEA THAT JAMES GUNN EITHER SEES GOD AS A TENTACLE RAPIST OR THE FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER, IS SOMETHING THAT WILL DELIGHT HULK UNTIL THE END OF TIME.
(4) THIS IS NOT TO SINGLE THEM OUT FROM THE REST OF THE CAST, IT’S JUST TOO MANY MOVIE REVIEWS END UP LISTING WHAT’S GREAT ABOUT EVERY ACTOR. HULK COULD EASILY DO THAT HERE. KEVIN BACON CONTINUES HIS ANNOYING HABIT OF NEVER GIVING A BAD, UNCALLED FOR PERFORMANCE (SERIOUSLY IT’S INCREDIBLE) AND THEN GUNN’S REGULARS LIKE ROOKER AND FILLION KNOW EXACTLY HOW TO MAKE HIS MATERIAL WORK. AND HEY IT’S BUBBLES FROM THE WIRE EVERYONE! BUBBLES! HOW AWESOME IS THAT!
(5) BATMAN: “DEATH OF PARENTS, DEATH OF PARENTS, DEATH OF PARENTS.”
IT IS A FASCINATING ACADEMIC PURSUIT; A JOURNEY INTO OUR CULTURAL HISTORY, TO THE TIES OF COMMUNICATION THAT BONDED OUR EARLY CIVILIZATIONS. IT EVEN EXPLAINS HOW OUR STORYTELLING ROOTS ARE DIRECTLY BORN FROM THAT SHARED HISTORY. YES, THE LESSONS AT THE CORE OF THE MONOMYTH ARE MANIFOLD, RICH, AND TEXTURED; A THOUSAND VERSIONS OF A HERO’S JOURNEY, ALL BOUND BY THE HUMAN CONDITION, ALL CRUCIAL TO OUR UNDERSTANDING OF WHY WE TELL STORIES IN THE FIRST PLACE. SIMPLY PUT, THE HERO’S JOURNEY IS VITAL TO OUR HUMANITY.
AND NOW IT’S A TOTAL FUCKING CRUTCH.
A LOT LIKE HULK’S DISMISSAL OF 3 ACT STRUCTURE, THE PROBLEM WITH JOSEPH CAMPBELL’S THE HERO WITH A THOUSAND FACES IS NOT IT’S LACK OF ACCURACY, BUT INSTEAD WHAT WE DO WITH THE INFORMATION IT PROVIDES. CHIEFLY, THE FACT THAT OUR SOCIETY HAS OVERTLY ADOPTED THE BOOK’S BREAKDOWN OF THE HERO JOURNEY AS SOME KIND OF READY-MADE APP FOR “PAINT BY NUMBERS” STORYTELLING. HULK’S NOT EVEN REALLY SURE HOW MANY PEOPLE WHO REGULARLY CITE THE HERO’S JOURNEY HAVE ACTUALLY READ THE DAMN BOOK PAST A FEW CHAPTERS. IT’S ACTUALLY OBVIOUS BECAUSE THE BOOK’S REAL VALUE IS DEEPLY, EVEN MADDENINGLY ACADEMIC (AT TIMES IT GETS DOWNRIGHT ANTHROPOLOGICAL). THE TRUTH ABOUT CAMPBELL’S LAUDED BOOK IS IT ACTUALLY DOESN’T HAVE A TON TO DO WITH ALL THOSE NEAT THE LITTLE DIAGRAMS AT THE BEGINNING, IT’S MORE INTERESTED IN CULTURAL DEDUCTION BASED ON THOSE CONCEPTS. BUT SINCE THOSE DIAGRAMS ARE ALL WE SEEM TO REMEMBER IT IS THUS ALL WE SEEM TO TAKE FROM IT: UNIVERSAL STORYTELLING MADE EASY.
QUITE FRANKLY, IT’S HURTING MORE THAN IT’S HELPING.
HERE ARE THE REASONS WHY:
FOR STARTERS, THERE IS A FUNDAMENTAL ERROR MADE IN HOW WE INTERPRET THE APPARENT “SIMPLICITY” OF THESE MYTHS, MAINLY THAT THEY ARE ACTUALLY NOT SIMPLE WHATSOEVER. THE UNIVERSAL BREAKDOWN OF THEM MAY BE SIMPLE, BUT THE STRUCTURE ON DISPLAY IS ANYTHING BUT. FOR INSTANCE, YOU’LL NOTICE THAT ONE OF THE MAIN REFERENCED MYTHS IN THE BOOK, THE EPIC OF GILGAMESH, IS ANYTHING BUT PAINT-BY-NUMBERS.
PICTURED: JAPANESE INTERPRETATION OF GILGAMESH. WARNING: THIS INTERPRETATION IS JAPANESE.
THE 12 TABLET EPIC OF GILGAMESH IS ACTUALLY PRETTY FUCKING COMPLEX EVEN THOUGH IT’S CONSIDERED THE ROSETTA STONE FOR THE HERO JOURNEY. SURE IT CONTAINS BIG PICTURE REFERENCE POINTS (THE PASSING INTO THE STRANGE WORLD, THE CALL/RETURN, ETC), BUT THESE AMOUNT TO NOTHING BUT THE LOOSE STRUCTURE OF THE WORK AND ARE BY NO MEANS THE ENGINE OF THE NARRATIVE OR PLOT. NO, WHAT DRIVES THOSE ARE THE DYNAMIC THEMES IN PLACE: THE IN-FLUX RELATIONSHIP WITH ENKINDU, WHICH ARE BORN OUT OF STOPPING GILGAMESH FROM ENGAGING IN HIS MORE, UM, SORDID ACTIVITIES (RAPE MOSTLY). THERE’S ALSO THE QUEST FOR IMMORTALITY (L’MORTE D’ARTHUR ALERT!), SOME OTHER STUFF ABOUT RELIGION, PROSTITUTION, DREAM STATES, YOU NAME IT. HULK HAS EVEN READ MORE ANALYSISSESS OF GILGAMESH AND ENKINDU AS HIDDEN LOVERS THAN YOU WOULD IMAGINE IS POSSIBLE (OH, COLLEGE KIDS!… ACTUALLY THEY MAY HAVE A POINT WITH THAT ONE). THE POINT IS THERE’S A SHIT TON GOING ON IN THE STORY BEYOND IT’S FUN LITTLE ABILITY TO BE OUTLINED IN TERMS OF THE HERO’S JOURNEY. THESE ARE THE THINGS THAT MAKE THE WORK COMPELLING AND INTERESTING, NOT THE MERE FACT THAT IT TOO MOSTLY FITS WITHIN THE CONFINES OF MONOMYTH CLASSIFICATION.(1)
YET, GILGAMESH ONLY SEEMS TO SURVIVE IN OUR CULTURAL CONSCIOUSNESS BECAUSE OF THE CAMPBELLIAN HERO DIAGRAM AND OUR DESIRE TO TALK ABOUT IT IN THOSE VERY SPECIFIC AND UNIVERSAL TERMS: THE CALL! THE REFUSAL! THE TRIALS! THE RETURN! YAY!
YAY!
NOW, IS MOST OF THAT STUFF IN GILGAMESH? ABSOLUTELY.
IS THAT WHAT MAKES IT A STORY? EH, MAYBE.
IS THAT WHAT MAKES IT A GOOD STORY? NO.
IS THAT WHAT MAKES IT A WELL-TOLD STORY? FUCK NO.
THIS SPEAKS DIRECTLY TO WHAT HULK BELIEVES IS THE GREAT FUNDAMENTAL ERROR OF ACADEMIA. WHAT PEOPLE DON’T SEEM TO REALIZE IS THAT WHEN YOU ACADEMICALLY TRY TO BOIL NARRATIVE ELEMENTS DOWN TO THEIR MOST BASIC ELEMENTS, YOU ARE THEREFORE BOILING DOWN STORYTELLING TO THEIR MOST BASIC ELEMENTS! HULK MEAN… GAAAHHH. THAT’S ALL YOUR DOING! AND THE INTENTION OF THIS ANALYSIS IS TO FIND SIMILARITIES AND UNDERSTAND CULTURAL AND PSYCHOLOGICAL INCLINATION! WHICH MEANS IT IS NOT THE KEY TO UNLOCKING STORYTELLING, BUT A KEY TO MAKING YOUR STORY AS SIMILAR AS POSSIBLE TO EVERYTHING ELSE OUT THERE.
SERIOUSLY, IT'S NO BETTER THAN THIS
THERE IS A GREAT VALUE TO THE CAMPBELLIAN BREAKDOWN, SPECIFICALLY CONCERNING THE FORMATIVE NATURE OF CULTURE AND WHY WE VALUE/TELL THESE STORIES, BUT IT IS ACTUALLY THE FURTHEST THING AWAY FROM A HOW-TO GUIDE. WHOEVER ARE THE FOLKS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE ORAL TRADITIONS BEHIND STUFF BEOWULF AND GILGAMESH, THEY WEREN’T SITTING DOWN SAYING “OKAY, OKAY, NOW HE HAS TO REFUSE THE CALL AND THEN BY TABLET 2 THE NEXT BEAT SHOULD…” GAAAAH. SMASHY! WHAT’S SO INTERESTING ABOUT THE HERO’S JOURNEY IS THE WAY THESE THEMES AND DYNAMICS SEEPED NATURALLY OUT OF THESE DIFFERENT STORIES, NOT THAT EVERYONE FELT OBLIGATED OR WAS PURPOSELY TRYING TO DO IT. THE HERO’S JOURNEY SECRETLY HAS NOTHING TO DO WHATSOEVER WITH GOOD STORY STRUCTURE! JUST THEMATIC CONTENT!
IF THERE IS ANYTHING THAT HULK SO DESPERATELY WANTS TO CONVEY TO ALL OF YOU IN THIS BLOG IT IS THAT THERE IS A STARK DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE LANGUAGE USED IN THE BROAD STROKES OF CATEGORIZATION AND THE LANGUAGE WE SHOULD USE FOR PRACTICAL APPLICATION.
IT’S LIKE THE MYTH OF 3 ACT STRUCTURE VS. HULK’S PREFERRED METHOD OF FLOW STRUCTURE (MULTI-ACT WORKING ON CHARACTER/RELATIONSHIP CENTRIC ARENAS THAT ARE NOT MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE). OR POST-MODERNISM VS. THE PRAGMATISM OF CONSTRUCTIVE IDEAS. OR ACTION’S “COOL” DESIGNATION VS. THE POWER VISUAL CAUSE + EFFECT STORYTELLING. IN A STRANGE WAY THESE ARE ALL THE SAME ONGOING PROBLEM OF BAD LANGUAGE. (2) THE WAY WE BREAK THINGS DOWN AND DESCRIBE THEM ARE NOT NECESSARILY HELPFUL TO UNDERSTANDING HOW TO CONSTRUCT THEM. YET WE CONSTANTLY MISTAKE THESE MODELS OF DESCRIPTION FOR “HOW TO”S AND THUS WE KEEP RUNNING INTO THE SAME BASIC STORYTELLING PROBLEMS AGAIN AND AGAIN.
WE HAVE TO REFORM AND BROADEN OUR MODELS. WE HAVE TO REVISE OUR LANGUAGE. TO PUT HULK’S ‘CATEGORIZATION VS. PRACTICAL APPLICATION” ARGUMENT INTO METAPHOR: KNOWING THAT A HOUSE IS MADE FROM WOOD WITH PLASTERED WALLS AND A ROOF DOES NOT ALLOW ONE TO SIMPLY BUILD A HOUSE, YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND HOW TO LITERALLY “BUILD” AND SHAPE THOSE THINGS, NOT JUST KNOW THAT THEY EXIST AND WHERE THEY SHOULD MORE OR LESS GO… WAIT THAT METAPHOR WAS TERRIBLE… HULK CAN DO BETTER… MAYBE… HULK’S TIRED… UM… FINE, THAT’LL DO HULK. THAT’LL DO.
BACK TO THE TOPIC AT HAND: EVERY YEAR WE SEE MOVIES THAT DESPERATELY CLING TO THE HERO JOURNEY MODEL, AS IF IT IS THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS.
SERIOUSLY, HOW MANY MOVIES HAVE WE SEEN THAT ARE BEAT-FOR-BEAT THE SAME STORY AS STAR WARS? IT DOESN’T HELP THAT THERE ARE LITANY OF WRITERS WHO SIMPLY EQUATE STAR WARS WITH THE ONLY EXISTING MODEL OF THE HERO’S JOURNEY (HINT: IT’S NOT) AND THEN JUST REGURGITATE IT AS IF THEY WERE PHOTOCOPYING THE SCRIPT AND CHANGING THE NAMES ( ERAGON TAKES THE PROVERBIAL CAKE ON THAT ONE, THOUGH TO BE FAIR, STAR WARS TAKES A STUNNING AMOUNT OF ITS DYNAMICS FROM DUNE). BUT SINCE IT IS SO SEEPED INTO OUR CONSCIOUSNESS, WE SEE IT ALL THE TIME.
THERE ARE ALSO THE NOW UBIQUITOUS COMIC BOOK ORIGIN STORIES, WHICH HAVE BECOME UNIVERSAL IN THEIR CONSTRUCTION (EXCEPT HULK’S ORIGIN. HULK’S IS TRULY UNIQUE… IN THAT IT’S A BLATANT RIP OFF OF DR. JEKLL & MR. HYDE). THERE IS RARELY A SUPER HERO ORIGIN THESE DAYS THAT FEELS INTERESTING OR DIFFERENT. THE ONE EXCEPTION? ONE OF THE REASONS THAT THE IRONMAN MOVIE WORKS SO WELL IS THAT IT KNOWS WHEN TO COMPLETELY AVOID THE BEATS THE HERO JOURNEY THAT DON’T MATTER TO THE STORY IT WANTS TO TELL. THINK OF HOW MANY BEATS IN THE “HERO JOURNEY” WOULD NOT BE CALLED FOR WITH THAT CHARACTER. THEIR SOLUTION? THEY JUST DON’T USE EM! INSTEAD, EACH STEP OF TONY’S JOURNEY TO BECOMING SHELLHEAD IS AN ARTICULATED, CHARACTER-BASED MICRO-STEP; A SINGULAR DECISION THAT DEALS WITH THE MOMENT AND IS DIRECTLY RELATED THE SITUATION AT HAND. WHICH MAKES IT REAL FUCKING WRITING.
LASTLY, THERE’S HULK’S FAVORITE EXAMPLE OF THE PAINT BY NUMBERS VERSION OF THE HERO’S JOURNEY… VIDEO GAMES.
FORGIVE THE FOLLOWING NON-MOVIE DIGRESSION, BUT NOTHING SHOWCASES BACKWARD THINKING QUITE LIKE THE OBLIVIOUS WRITING OF VIDEO GAMES (MORE IMPORTANTLY, THIS SHIT WILL GET FUCKING HILARIOUS).
FIRST OFF, PLEASE KNOW THAT HULK LOVES HULK SOME VIDEO GAMES. THEY’RE FUN, UNIQUE, AND IMMERSIVE. BUT THE STORYTELLING CRAFT IS USUALLY NOT FIT FOR EVEN THE WORST HOLLYWOOD MOVIES. EVEN THE COMPANIES THAT SUPPOSEDLY DO IT WELL, LIKE BIOWARE, ARE REALLY TELLING THE SAME EXACT STORIES WITH THE SAME EXACT CHARACTERS IN THE MOST NON-INTERESTING WAY AS POSSIBLE. AGAIN, IT’S NOT A MATTER OF THINGS MERELY BEING SIMILAR, BUT THAT THEY ARE ALL SO SIMILAR IN THE MOST ROTE, SOUL-CRUSHING WAY POSSIBLE. THEY NAKEDLY USE THE MONOMYTH MODELS AS HOW-TO GUIDES.(3)
THE BIOWARE CHART HULK JUST LINKED TO ABOVE ACTUALLY LED TO VERY FUNNY SITUATION THAT HAPPENS OFTEN ENOUGH TO BE ONE OF HULK’S FAVORITE THINGS EVER. SEE, WHEN THE PEOPLE RESPONSIBLE FOR THESE HERO-JOURNEY REGURGITATIONS ARE CALLED OUT ON IT, THEY SOMETIMES HAVE THE GALL TO DEFEND THEMSELVES IN A RATHER PISSY WAY, OFTEN WITH FAUX-INTELLECTUAL SMUGNESS. SOMETHING AKIN TO “UH, SORRY GUYS IT’S CALLED “THE HERO WITH A THOUSAND FACES” AND IT PROVES ALL STORIES ARE THE SAME STORY. PSSSSH. IDIOT.”
SERIOUSLY, HERE IS EXACTLY HOW BIOWARE WRITER RESPONDED [VIA MESSAGE BOARD AT THAT]: “So I’m supposed to believe someone is smart enough to do a big Excel spreadsheet with color coding and stuff but not smart enough to know about Campbellian archetypes? Yeah, guys, every BioWare game has the same plot! See, things are kind of normal, and then things change and you have to go out and do stuff, and you go to crazy weird places! Aaaaaand so yeah, totally the same story. That’s asinine.”
HULK WOULD SIMPLY REPLY: “YES. HULK TOO IS FAMILIAR WITH THIS BOOK YOU SPEAK OF. THAT’S BECAUSE WE ALL READ IT IN, LIKE, 9TH GRADE. AND THAT’S REALLY NOT WHAT THE BOOK IS SAYING, BUT THANKS FOR PLAYING!” AND THANKFULLY A LOT OF WRITERS MADE IT 10TH GRADE WHERE THEY READ SHAKESPEARE OR T.S. ELLIOT OR SOMETHING AND THE WORLD OF NUANCE OPENED UP.
HULK MEAN, THAT IS SERIOUSLY WHAT THE WRITER THINKS THAT CHART IS SAYING? THAT UBER-SPECIFIC CHART THAT DETAILS EXACTLY HOW THEY’RE DOING THE SAME EXACT GAME OVER AND OVER? UGH. HIS PURPOSEFULLY SARCASTIC ARGUMENT DOESN’T EVEN MAKE SENSE. HE STARTS ARGUING FOR THE SAMENESS OF CAMPBELLIAN ARCHETYPES AND THEN PROCEEDS TO SARCASTICALLY ARGUE THE CRITICS ARE OVER-TYPIFYING SAID SAMENESS? WHAT!??! HULK CONFUSED. AND THE FUNNIEST FUCKING PART IS THE WAY HE MAKES FUN OF HOW THEY’RE SUMMARIZING “STORY TELLING” IS ACTUALLY FAR MORE INDICATIVE OF HIS OWN APPROACH.
Weekes said the “intro, four planets, finale” structure familiar to BioWare games is picked for a number of good reasons.
Firstly, it’s “easy” in the sense of QA, as areas can be culled if they’re not ready in time for launch with minimal impact on the final product.
Secondly, “players understand it”. Weekes explained that four is a golden number of objectives for an area that may confuse, overwhelm and frustrate once exceeded.
Thirdly, “There’s nothing wrong with it.”
“It’s a structure, like any other,” he wrote. “Humorously snarking that our games have a beginning part that is streamlined and introduces you to the game, a middle that allows you the freedom to go to several places and have adventures, and then a tightly focused ending is like riffing on how romance novels generally start out with two people being attracted to each other but having emotional issues, then gradually building trust, then having a complication that splits them up, and then in the end they get together and are happy.
“People who create fiction in any form use a structure appropriate to that form. They do it because their audience understands and responds on an emotional level to that structure,” he concluded.
HULK DOESN’T REALLY MEAN TO SINGLE THIS WELL-MEANING PERSON OUT… BUT SERIOUSLY, THAT IS THE RESPONSE?!??!?!? DO THEY NOT SEE THAT THEY ARE STARTING OFF ON THE COMPLETE WRONG FOOT IN THEIR APPROACH TO DESIGNING A GAMING “WORLD AND STORY”?!?!??!?!
GET READY...
IT’S “EASY”? FUCK RIGHT IT’S EASY. HULK GLAD TO SEE YOUR FIRST INCLINATION IN STORYTELLING IS OPTING FOR THE EASIEST POSSIBLE PATH, YOU KNOW, FOR “PRAGMATISM” OF COURSE. NOTHING INANE ABOUT THAT!
AND “PLAYERS UNDERSTAND IT”? WHAT?! THEY WOULDN’T BE ABLE TO UNDERSTAND GOING TO VISIT MORE WORLDS OR NOT BEING OPEN TO CHARACTERS WHO DON’T FIT IN WITH THE SAME LAZY ARCHETYPES? ARE YOU ACTUALLY IMPLYING THAT THEY WOULDN’T BE ABLE TO UNDERSTAND A NEW KIND OF CHARACTER? ESPECIALLY WHEN YOUR GAMES “CHARACTERIZE” BY SIMPLY HAVING SAID CHARACTERS GIVE UNIFORM, LONG-WINDED MONOLOGUES WHERE THEY SPELL OUT THEIR PERSONAL HISTORY, PEOPLE’S CUSTOMS, AND WHAT THE HAD FOR BREAKFAST, ALL BY TALKING DIRECTLY TO THE CAMERA? YEAH, PLAYERS SOOOOOOO WOULDN’T UNDERSTAND SOMEONE CHARACTERIZED IN THOSE COMPLEX, SUBTLE TERMS. GOSH DAMMIT. HOW THE HELL CAN THE DEVELOPERS AIM SO LOW AND THINK THAT’S WHAT MAKES THEM SUCCEED?
AND THEN “THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH IT”? NO, EVERYTHING IS WRONG WITH IT. YOU ARE GOING ABOUT YOUR STORYTELLING ASS-BACKWARDS. YOU’RE LOOKING FOR THE SIMPLEST AND EASIEST WAY TO MAKE WHAT YOU DO LOOK AND FEEL LIKE EVERY SINGLE OTHER THING ON THE PLANET. YOU SAY THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT? READ HULK’S LAST SENTENCE AGAIN. YOU ARE NOT GETTING TO THE HEART OF STORYTELLING. YOU ARE CASUALLY, EVEN CAVALIERLY MILKING IT AND YOU’RE NOT EVEN REALIZING IT. AND FUCK, UNLIKE MOVIES, VIDEO GAMES HAVE AT LEAST 8-30 HOURS OF STORY TO TELL AND THEREFORE SHOULD HAVE TO EMPLOY FAR DIFFERENT STRATEGIES (LOOK AT TELEVISION!). BUT INSTEAD THEY JUST OPT FOR CUT + PASTE NOT ONLY BECAUSE THEY THINK IT’S THE EASIEST WAY PLACATE THE GAMER AND JUST FUCKING GET ON WITH IT, BUT BECAUSE THEY’RE MISINFORMED THAT THIS IS THE RIGHT THING TO DO. AND THE HUMOROUS SNARKING IS PERFECTLY ALLOWED: NOT BECAUSE YOU EMPLOYED THE SIMPLE STRUCTURE YOU DID, BUT BECAUSE THAT’S ALL YOU EMPLOYED. SO UNFORTUNATELY, YOUR BELIEF THAT WHAT YOU’RE WRITING IS “STRUCTURALLY SOUND” AND THEREFORE GOOD, COMPLETELY OPENS UP YOUR LAZY-ASS STRUCTURALISM TO BEING VIEWED BY HULK AS SO OBVIOUSLY AND HIDEOUSLY EMPTY. A;LJSDFL;ASJKDF;AJSD
… SORRY, HULK GOT SMASHY, IT’S OVER NOW, IT’S OVER… YOU CAN COME ON OUT OF THERE.
HULK BROUGHT ALL THIS BIOWARE/VIDEO GAME STUFF BECAUSE THIS IS OBVIOUSLY THE MOST EXTREME EXAMPLE OF THE HERO’S JOURNEY GONE HORRIBLY, HORRIBLY WRONG. THE IRONY IS THAT WHILE BIOWARE IS CLEARLY F-ING UP THEIR APPROACH TO STORY IN ONE WAY, THEY HAVE ACTUALLY HAVE REALLY MADE STRIDES IN THE “INTERACTIVE” PORTION OF STORY GAMING, BY GIVING YOU THE OPTION TO, SAY, KILL CHARACTERS AND RESHAPE THE NARRATIVE. GAMERS REALLY RESPONDED TO IT. IT IS EXACTLY THE KIND OF FORWARD-THINKING THEY SHOULD IMPLORE WITH THEIR STORY STRUCTURE AND WORLD BUILDING, BUT BECAUSE “THE HERO’S JOURNEY” SAYS IT’S A-OKAY, THEY ARE PERFECTLY HAPPY JUST DOING THE EASIEST POSSIBLE THING.
THE HERO’S JOURNEY HURT THEM MORE THAN IT HELPED.
NOW MOST MOVIES ARE NOT SO WOEFULLY OFFENSIVE AS THIS EXAMPLE, BUT THE SAME EXACT THINKING IS AT PLAY. TO WIT, LET HULK FOCUS ON POPULAR MOVIE TROPES AND EXPLAIN THE 7 FUN WAYS PEOPLE USE THE HERO’S JOURNEY TO RUIN STORIES:
#1 – PEOPLE ARE HEROES SIMPLY BECAUSE THEY ARE THE MAIN CHARACTER FOR SOME REASON… AND THEY ARE GETTING CALLED TO ADVENTURE OR SOMETHING
WHAT MAKES A HERO? THERE SEEMS TO BE SOME CONFUSION OVER THE MATTER. WE KNOW ONE OF THE GREAT THINGS IS THAT A HERO COULD BE ANYONE. EVEN YOU! IT’S A NICE THOUGHT AND HAS SIGNIFICANT NARRATIVE VALUE, BUT THE PROBLEM IS THAT WE A MISTAKE IN THE ASSESSMENT AND SAY ANY OLD HUMAN QUALITIES WILL DO… EVEN “NONE.” WE DO APPARENTLY THIS TO ENSURE THAT THE MAIN CHARACTER IS A CONDUIT FOR AUDIENCE DESIRES AND AS A RESULT WE CREATE MAIN CHARACTERS WHO ARE JUST VACUOUS, BLANK SLATES. YOU KNOW THE ONE HULK IS TALKING ABOUT (PSSSST… MOST OF THEM). OR HELL MAYBE IT’S JUST LAZINESS. THESE CHARACTERS ARE PICKED TO BE HEROES BECAUSE, WELL, THAT IS WHAT THEY THINK HAS TO HAPPEN IN ORDER TO TELL A HERO STORY.
YOU REMEMBER THE END OF RATATOUILLE WHERE THE CRITIC ANTON EGO SURMISES THAT HE WAS MISTAKEN ABOUT SOMETHING OF GRAVE IMPORTANCE: IT’S NOT THAT “ANYONE COULD COOK BUT THAT A GREAT COOK COULD TRULY COME FROM ANYWHERE”? IT’S SPEAKS DIRECTLY TO THIS PROBLEM. IT’S NOT THAT ANYONE CAN BE A HERO, BUT THAT A HERO CAN COME FROM ANYWHERE. BUT THE KEY IS THAT THEY HAVE TO HAVE SOMETHING INSIDE THEM. A SPARK. A YEARNING. REMY THE RAT WAS SOMEONE WITH AN INNATE ABILITY (SMELL) AND A DESIRE (APPRECIATION OF FOOD BEYOND HIS ENVIRONMENT). HE NEVER HAD A SENSE OF BELONGING. LUKE SKYWALKER? SAME THING. HE HAD THIS SAME HUMAN YEARNING FOR ADVENTURE BEYOND HIS FARM. AND YET WE CONSTANTLY MISAPPLY THIS “ANYONE CAN BE A HERO” TROPE TO MEAN THAT ANYONE WITH A VACUOUS PERSONALITY CAN BE A HERO/MAIN CHARACTER SIMPLY BECAUSE SOME OLD MAN SHOWS UP AND TELLS THEM THEY ARE. WE ARE TREATED TO HERO AFTER HERO YOU COULD BASICALLY RENAME THEM MILQUETOAST MCBLANDERSON.
SO NOW HULK IS GOING TO DO ONE OF HULK’S FAVORITE THINGS TO DO ON THIS BLOG AND BRING IT BACK TO INDIANA FUCKING JONES. THE GREAT THING ABOUT INDY IS THAT DUDE’S A FUCKING CHARACTER. FUNNY, SMART, FLAWED, AND AWESOME. YES, YOU WANT YOUR MAIN CHARACTER TO WORK AS A CONDUIT, BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN THEY HAVE TO BE AN EMPTY SHELL, IT MEANS THEY ARE A FLESH AND BLOOD PERSON WHO WE CAN BE HUMAN WITH, NOT HUMAN FOR. IF PROJECTING OUR DESIRE TO BE IN THEIR SITUATION ONTO THEM AS THE ONLY MEANS OF IDENTIFICATION, THE THE CHARACTER IS A COMPLETE FAILURE. THERE HAS TO BE A REASON WE WANT TO BE LIKE THEM. THEREFORE, THEY SHOULD HAVE A FUCKING PERSONALITY. SO DON’T BE AFRAID TO THROW IN SOME DRAMA INTO THAT CONDUIT! DON’T WASTE YOUR PERSONALITY ON SECONDARY CHARACTERS (THOUGH THEY SHOULD OBVIOUSLY HAVE THEM TO). DON’T USE YOUR MAIN CHARACTER AS SOMEONE WHO IS ONLY FUNCTIONAL IN TERMS OF PLOTTING. AND OOH, OOH AND DON’T FORGET! WHEN WRITING HEROIC CHARACTERS ALWAYS REMEMBER: EXASPERATED = GOOD! BUT WHINING = BAD! SO TOE THE LINE!
#2 – REFUSING THE CALL FOR THE ENTIRE DURATION OF THE MOVIE
COUGH* GREEN LANTERN* COUGH. HOW MANY MOVIES, IN AN EFFORT TO SLAVISHLY STICK TO THE HERO JOURNEY MODEL THROW IN AN OBLIGATORY AND WHOLLY UNNECESSARY SCENE(S) WHERE THE CHARACTER DENIES ANSWERING THE CALL FOR NO GOOD REASON WHATSOEVER? THERE IS NOT A MORE HOLLOW EXERCISE IN WRITING. WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN SO MUCH? EITHER BECAUSE (A) THEY ARE FOLLOWING THE HERO’S JOURNEY AND THINK THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO, OR (B) BECAUSE THE WRITER THINKS IT WILL MANUFACTURE DRAMA, WHEN REALLY THEY ARE GIVING US NO SET UP FOR THIS BEHAVIOR WHATSOEVER. CUE IMAGINARY GREEN LANTERN DISCUSSION:
“WE NEED A LANTERN! C’MON RING, PICK A FEARLESS GUY!”
“BUT THIS GUYS IS SECRETLY AFRAID OF EVERYTHING!”
“RIGHT, WE CAN’T JUST HAVE HIM KICK ASS IMMEDIATELY HE HAS TO FIT THE HERO MODEL AND DENY THE CALL! SO HAVE HIM DENY WHAT HE CAN OBVIOUSLY DO FOR SOME REASON… UM…YEAH THIS MAKES NO SENSE, BUT WHO CARES. LET’S GET ON WITH IT.”
“THIS IS GOING TO BE THE PLOT FOR THE ENTIRE MOVIE.”
“WELL, SHIT.”
OKAY, OKAY, THIS ISN’T EVERY MOVIE. OCCASIONALLY, A MOVIE CAN HANDLE THE REFUSAL IN AN OKAY WAY AND GIVE LEGITIMATE REASONS WHY THE MAIN CHARACTER WOULDN’T WANT TO JUST ABANDON THEIR LIFE AND GO TO THIS CRAZY ADVENTURE, BUT THOSE OCCASIONS ARE FAR MORE RARE THAN THEY SHOULD BE. BECAUSE USUALLY THE REASONS EXPRESSED ARE BASICALLY: “I CAN’T GO WITH YOU, IT’S CRAZY! THIS IS WEIRD!” OR SOMETHING. HINT: IT’S NOT WEIRD. IN FACT, YOUR AUDIENCE WILL ALREADY KNOW THAT THIS IS EXACTLY WHERE IT IS GOING SO EMBRACE ECONOMY AND GET IT ON WITH IT. DON’T DEVELOP YOUR CHARACTER WITH ONE SINGULAR REFUSAL EITHER, AS IF ANSWERING THE CALL IS THE SOLUTION TO ALL THEIR PROBLEMS. DEVELOP THEIR CHARACTER EVOLUTION INCREMENTALLY INSTEAD.
REMEMBER, ONE OF THE DELIGHTFUL THINGS THAT NO ONE SEEMS TO REALIZE IS THAT IN STAR WARS, LUKE SKYWALKER REFUSES THE CALL FOR APPROXIMATELY 38 SECONDS OF TOTAL SCREEN TIME. SERIOUSLY. WATCH THE FUCKING MOVIE. HE SAYS NO TO BEN KANOBI, IMMEDIATELY REALIZES HIS AUNT AND UNCLE ARE IN DANGER, SEES THEIR CHARRED CORPSES AND SAYS “THERE IS NOTHING FOR ME HERE NOW, I WANT TO BE A JEDI LIKE MY FATHER”… IT’S LIKE, 38 FUCKING SECONDS. LOGICAL A, B, C STORYTELLING, DONE WITH ECONOMY, DOES WONDERS FOLKS.
#3 – OVER-RELYING ON THE WISE OLD CRONE
OBI-WAN KANOBI AND YODA. WONDERFUL CHARACTERS. AND NOW EVERY MOVIE HAS THEIR NOT-NEARLY-AS-GOOD VERSION OF THEM. WORSE, THE THINGS THEY ARE REALLY GOOD AT HAVE NOW BECOME THEIR SOLE, GRATING DUTY IN MOVIES: THEY’VE BASICALLY BECOME EXPOSITION MACHINES. FUCK, BEING A MOVIE’S “YODA” HAS ACTUALLY BECOME SHORTHAND FOR AUDIENCES. OF COURSE ANYTIME THIS IS TOO PAINFULLY OBVIOUS, WE DO THE EQUALLY OBVIOUS THING AND TRY TO BRUSH OFF THIS LAZY WRITING WITH A DUMB JOKE: “DO THIS THING. IT’S YOUR DESTINY.” / “HEY, EASY YODA!” … CAUSE THAT WILL WORK [READ: SARCASM].
HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU SAID TO YOURSELF “I’LL FORGIVE THIS BLATANT APING OF [INSERT POPULAR MOVIE] BECAUSE AT LEAST SELF-AWARE BLATANT APING!” … HULK GONNA WAGER NOT A LOT.(4) AND HULK CAN USUALLY TELL YOU THE EXACT MOMENT EACH ONE THESE CRONE MENTORS WILL BE KILLED OFF TO SEND THE MAIN HERO ON HIS WAY ALONE (JUST BECAUSE THEY’RE SUPPOSED TO). LOOK, HULK DOES MEAN TO IMPLY THAT USING A FIGURE IN YOUR STORY THAT IS THE CRONE FIGURE ISN’T SUPER-USEFUL, BUT FOR PETE’S SAKE, TRY TO HIDE WHAT YOU’RE DOING. DO NOT JUST “MAKE A YODA FIGURE.” IN CASE HULK HAS TO KEEP REMINDING YOU THAT WAS NOT WHAT THE CHARACTERS IN STAR WARS WERE SOLELY ABOUT EITHER. REMEMBER THAT YODA WAS FIRST INTRODUCED TO US AS “BATSHIT INSANE LITTLE ANIMAL” AND IT WORKED BEAUTIFULLY. SO IN YOUR OWN STORIES GIVE THEM INTERESTING AND UNIQUE STUFF TO DO. GIVE THEM A ROLE IN THE STORY BESIDES BEING THE CRONE. ASK YOURSELF, “HOW CAN I MAKE THIS CRONE UNIQUE?”
#4 – MISTAKING THE NOTION OF “THE TRIALS” FOR “THE HERO FIGHTING A BUNCH OF THINGS”
HULK HOPES THIS ONE IS PRETTY SELF EVIDENT, BUT HERE GOES: THE TRIALS ARE NOT A SERIES OF FIGHTS. THIS IS NOT TO IMPLY THAT THE TRIALS CANNOT CONTAIN A SERIES OF FIGHTS. IN FACT, A SERIES OF FIGHTS ARE USUALLY PRETTY SWEET. BUT WHAT EACH FIGHT SHOULD DO IS HAVE SOME SORT OF THEMATIC RESONANCE AND REFLECT ON A PERSONALITY DEVELOPMENT OF THE MAIN CHARACTER HERO TYPE PERSON. FOR EXAMPLE, ONE FIGHT COULD ADDRESS HIS PRIDE. ONE FIGHT COULD ADDRESS HIS LUST (IN GENERAL THE SEVEN DEADLY SINS WORK GOOD FOR THESE KIND OF PERSONALITY-MADE-PHYSICAL BRAND OF OBSTACLES). ONE COULD ADDRESS HIS ACCEPTANCE OF DEFEAT, TEACH HIM LOSS, HUMILITY, OR WHATEVER HE MAY NEED TO GO FORWARD AS A BETTER, MORE COMPLETE PERSON.
THE POINT IS THAT THE TRIALS CANNOT BE EMPTY EXERCISES IN NEATO ACTION. THIS IS A STORY AND STORIES DEVELOP. GOING BACK TO STAR WARS, REMEMBER HOW FUCKING PYSCHOLOGICAL LUKE’S TRIALS ARE DURING HIS TIME ON DAGOBAH? THERE’S, LIKE, NO ACTUAL FIGHTING. HE’S BATTLING HIS PERSONALITY AND HIS MIND, TRYING TO MOVE ROCKS AND HAVE SELF-CONTROL. AND IT’S ALL SO INCREDIBLY FANTASTIC. SO REALLY EACH TRIAL SHOULD BE TREATED AS IT’S OWN MINI-STORY ADDRESSING THE CHARACTER COMPONENTS OF THE LARGER JOURNEY… AND YES YOU CAN USE ACTION TO DO THAT, BUT INTEGRATE THEM TOGETHER. DON’T JUST MAKE AN EMPTY SERIES OF “COOL” FIGHTS.
#5 – MEETING THE GODDESS / WOMAN AS TEMPTRESS
HULK, YOU GOT YOUR FEMINISM IN MY HERO’S JOURNEY COLUMN! DARN TOOTIN’ HULK DID. DEAL WITH IT CAUSE IT’S FUCKING IMPORTANT.
WHY? BECAUSE WHILEWRITING SO MANY PEOPLE LOOK AT HERO JOURNEY MODEL AND GO: “WHEN IT COMES TO WOMEN WE CAN JUST WRITE THEM AS THE GODDESS/TEMPTRESS (READ: MADONNA/WHORE)? SWEET! THANKS MONOMYTH!” UGH. HONESTLY, THESE TROPES ARE AS OLD AS TIME BECAUSE A LOT MEN HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO GET OVER THIS DYNAMIC SINCE THE BEGINNING OF TIME. AND PLEASE KNOW HULK IS NOT DERIDING THIS BAD HABIT OUT OF SOME MODERN, REVISIONIST P.C. INCLINATION. NOT AT ALL. THE TRUTH IS THERE HAVE BEEN INTERESTING, HUMAN DEPICTIONS OF WOMEN SINCE JUST ABOUT FOREVER (PROOF? ATALANTA FOR ONE, NOT A MISSPELLED CITY BUT THAT FIGURE OF GREEK MYTH. ALSO SEMIRAMIS, AND AS FAR AS ACTUAL GODDESS CONDUITS GO HATHOR WAS PRETTY COOL). THE PORTRAYAL OF WOMEN IN MOVIES/MEDIA IS HUGE OTHER BALL OF WAX, ONE THAT HULK CAN’T WAIT TO WRITE ABOUT IN FULL, BUT THE POINT IS THAT THERE IS A CAPACITY TO WHICH THE GODDESS/TEMPTRESS MODEL HAS ALWAYS BEEN OUTDATED. SO IF YOU’RE STILL WRITING WOMEN WITH JUST THESE BASIC ARCHETYPES IN MIND, FUCKING STOP IT.
AGAIN, GOING BACK TO STAR WARS, THAT MOVIE WAS ACTUALLY PRETTY GOOD ABOUT AVOIDING THAT SHIT. WELL… SORT OF. IT’S NOT EVEN LIKE LEIA IS A PERFECT EXAMPLE OF FEMINISM, BUT SHE WAS AT LEAST PRETTY DAMN GOOD. LEIA IS A FULLY-FORMED AND INTERESTING CHARACTER WHO WASN’T INTERESTED IN BEING EITHER GODDESS OR TEMPTRESS, WHO STILL HAD THE INNATE CAPACITY TO BE BOTH. WHICH MADE HER, YOU KNOW, A HUMAN BEING.
YET THE MADONNA/WHORE IS STILL EVERYWHERE THESE DAYS. YES, A LOT OF TIMES IT’S BECAUSE THE MALE WRITER SERIOUSLY VIEWS WOMEN THIS WAY, BUT MOST OF THE TIME IT’S UNINTENTIONAL! WHY DOES THAT HAPPEN? BECAUSE EITHER A) THAT’S WHAT THE HERO’S JOURNEY SAYS TO DO OR B) BECAUSE THEY JUST HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO DO ANYTHING ELSE. SO WHENEVER HULK READS THIS UNINTENTIONAL HORSESHIT HULK ALWAYS GIVES PEOPLE THE SAME ADVICE: “FUCK IT, JUST WRITE HER LIKE LEIA.” IT SOUND SO STUPID AND SIMPLE, BUT THE PERSON WHO CLAIMS TO HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO WRITE WOMEN INSTANTLY THEN ‘GETS IT. ” LEIA IS THAT MUCH A CENTRAL AND POSITIVE FIGURE. THIS TRICK ISN’T SOME MAGIC CURE-ALL EITHER, BUT IT INSTANTLY MAKES THEIR FEMALE CHARACTERS LIKE 50% BETTER.
HULK KEEPS BRINGING UP STAR WARS FOR A REASON. IT OUR MAIN CULTURAL TOUCHSTONE FOR THE HERO’S JOURNEY AND WE CAN’T EVEN IMITATE IT PROPERLY. WE’RE LOOKING AT THE MOST BASIC CONTENT AND MOTIFS AND NOT THE ENGINES THAT REALLY DROVE IT’S SUCCESS, LIKE ITS SENSE OF ECONOMY, THE POWER OF ITS CHARACTERIZATION, THE HUMOR OF ITS CRONES, THE PSYCHOLOGY AT PLAY IN THE TRIALS, AND ITS STRONG FEMALE LEAD. WE’RE LITERALLY MISSING THE BEST STUFF ABOUT IT BECAUSE WE’RE TOO BUSY LOOKING AT HOW IT FITS THE HERO’S JOURNEY ALONG WITH EVERYTHING ELSE. GUESS WHAT FOLKS? THE SEEKER: THE DARK IS RISING FITS THE HERO JOURNEY EVEN BETTER, BUT NO ONE IS FUCKING INTERESTED IN COPYING THAT. WHAT MAKES THE ORIGINAL STAR WARS TRILOGY SO AWESOME AFTER ALL THESE YEARS IS NOT HOW IT’S THE SAME, BUT HOW IT’S STILL TRULY DIFFERENT.
#6 – BLATANTLY USING THE ELIXIR REMEDY / DEUS EX MACHINA
THIS ONE SORT OF DEALS WITH THE “RETURN WITH ELIXIR” COMPONENT, BUT BASICALLY HULK JUST WANT TO POINT OUT THAT WAY TOO MANY STORYLINES RESOLVE WITH DEUS EX MACHINA. ANYTIME YOUR BIG HERO STORY SOLVES PROBLEMS THE WAY ENTOURAGE DOES, YOU SHOULD PROBABLY JUST STOP DOING THAT.(5) BECAUSE THERE IS NO DEVICE IN POPULAR STORYTELLING THAT, WHEN USED POORLY, CAN FEEL SO DAMN CHEAP TO EVEN THE MOST UNAWARE AUDIENCES.
LOOK. DEUS EX MACHINA IS FUCKING HARD. NO TWO BONES ABOUT IT. HULK RECOMMENDS THAT EVEN MOST INTERMEDIATE WRITERS SHOULD STAY AWAY (HULK INCLUDES HULK-SELF IN THIS). THAT IS BECAUSE CHANCES ARE YOU WILL DO IT IN MEDIOCRE FASHION AND WILL THUS FAIL. BUT THAT’S OKAY. THERE ARE BETTER WAYS TO SOLVE STORY PROBLEMS.
IS THERE A WAY TO DO IT RIGHT? OF COURSE. BUT YOU SORT HAVE TO DIRECTLY ENGAGE THE THEME. FOR MOST OF ITS RUN, LOST WAS A SHOW THAT HANDLED THEIR MOMENTS OF DEUS EX MACHINA IN A KIND OF BRILLIANT WAY. MOST OF THE TIME, THESE “SAVING THROWS” WOULD TIE DIRECTLY INTO SPIRITUAL OVERTONES OF THE SHOW. BUT THAT ALONE IS NOT WHAT MADE IT WORK. IT WORKED BECAUSE THE SHOW SET UP THEIR MOMENTS OF DEUS EX MACHINA WITH THE APPROPRIATE SENSE OF NEED AND LONGING. THEY ADDRESSED THE VERY IDEA AT THE THEMATIC CENTER OF THE DEVICE AND WHETHER OR NOT DIVINE WILL/INTERVENTION/WHATEVER-YOU-CALL-IT PLAYS A PART IN THEIR LIVES. AS A RESULT THEY COULD SEAMLESSLY INTEGRATE THOSE MOMENTS OF DEUS EX MACHINA INTO THE CHARACTER’S CATHARSIS. LIKE AS JOHN LOCKE BEGS AND PLEADS FOR A SIGN FROM GOD, HIS EMOTION SWELLING, AT HIS WIT’S END… CUE: LIGHT FROM THE HATCH. THEY GAVE THE MOMENT CHARACTER-BASED MEANING, NOT PLOT MEANING. THE SUCCESS OF DEUS EX MACHINA NEVER LIES IN THE DELIVERY, BUT IN THE SET-UP AND IT’S IMPORTANCE TO THE CHARACTER TURNS.(5)
LET’S GO BACK YET AGAIN: REMEMBER THE HAN SOLO “YEEE HAW KID! NOW LET’S BLOW THIS JOINT!” MOMENT FROM STAR WARS? OF COURSE YOU DO. IT WORKS BECAUSE THEY SPEND THE ENTIRE MOVIE SHOWING HOW HAN DOESN’T DO STUFF LIKE THAT AND HAVE THE CHARACTERS TUG AT HIS HEART STRINGS TRYING TO GET HIM TO DO STUFF LIKE THAT. THE LAST MOMENT OF SET-UP SETS IT UP PERFECTLY, AS HE SHUFFLES AWAY WITH ALL HIS MONEY GRUMBLING TO A RELUCTANT CHEWY “I KNOW WHAT I’M DOING.” THE FILM THEN SPENDS THE EXACT RIGHT AMOUNT OF TIME AWAY FROM HIM SO YOU COMPLETELY FORGET, UNTIL THE VERY SECOND HE STREAMS IN, STARLIGHT-BEHIND-FALCON, AND SAVES LUKE. IT’S A BEAUTIFUL, GORGEOUS MOMENT BUT IT WORKS BECAUSE OF ALL THE GREAT CHARACTER SET-UP!… GOSH… HULK KEEPS WRITING ABOUT STAR WARS AND KINDA FALLING IN LOVE WITH IT AGAIN… THIS AFTER SWEARING IT OFF… OH WELL, THAT’S WHAT HAPPENS WITH GOOD THINGS.
OH YEAH... HULK KNEW THERE WAS A REASON. AND IT FITS OUR NEXT POINT:
#7 – “THE RETURN” APPARENTLY JUST MEANS THE CHARACTERS SHOULD JUST COME HOME AT THE END
PERHAPS WE CAN MAYBE BLAME THE ODYSSEY FOR THIS ONE, BUT THERE IS DEFINITE LACK OF UNDERSTANDING FOR WHAT “THE RETURN” ACTUALLY MEANS AND IT IS RESPONSIBLE FOR DOZENS OF HYPER-POINTLESS ENDINGS. WRITERS GET IT STUCK IN THEIR HEAD THAT WE SOMEHOW HAVE TO RETURN HOME AND THIS MAGICALLY BRINGS THINGS FULL CIRCLE… YEAH… “THE RETURN” MEANS A THEMATIC RETURN. NOT A LITERAL ONE. YET WE SEE MOVIES THAT RETURN THE ACTION OF THE HERO TO “HOME” AND THINK THAT INHERENTLY IMPLIES SOME KIND OF MEANING. BUT UNLESS YOU GIVE THE RETURN THEMATIC RESONANCE AND HAVE TRULY CHANGED THE CHARACTER IT MEANS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
HULK’S PERSONAL FAVORITE FOR THE NONSENSICAL, “LITERAL RETURN” OCCURS IN THE OPPOSITE OF THE ORIGINAL STAR WARS TRILOGY… ALSO KNOW AS THE PREQUELS. THOSE MOVIES ARE ALL TERRIBLE FOR HUNDREDS OF REASONS, BUT IN THIS SPECIFIC CASE THE RETURN TO NABOO IN THE PHANTOM MENACE IS DOWNRIGHT BIZARRE. THAT IS BECAUSE, ASIDE FROM PICKING UP A LITTLE ANAKIN SKYWALKER, THEIR JOURNEY TO CORUSANT YIELDS ABSOLUTELY ZERO RESULTS THAT AFFECT THE PLOT, SITUATION, OR CHARACTER. SERIOUSLY. THEY RETURN BECAUSE THEY HAVE NOTHING LEFT TO FAIL AT AND ABSOLUTELY NOTHING IS DIFFERENT ABOUT THEIR SITUATION WITH THE TRADE FEDERATION, OR THEIR PERSONAL SITUATIONS OR CHARACTER GROWTH. EVEN WHEN PADME SHOWED UP IN THE SENATE AND BEGS HER CAUSE, THE SENATE BASICALLY LIKE “WHAT? NO! OF COURSE NOT. YOU CAME ALL THIS WAY FOR THAT? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?” SO THEY JUST GO HOME TO REALLY START DEALING WITH THE ISSUE. AGAIN. DOWNRIGHT BIZARRE.(6)
BUT THE SADDEST PART IS WE SEE THE EMPTY “LITERAL RETURN” ALL THE TIME. AT THIS POINT HULK URGE YOU TO NOT EVEN BOTHER. IT DOESN’T FIT WITH MOST STORIES ANYWAY, EVEN FOR SOME BIG EPICS. NOT TO GET TO LITERAL, BUT IT MAKES WAY MORE SENSE IN CLASSIC MYTH OR AN INTERGALACTIC COMMUNITY OR SOMETHING, WHERE GOING ON ANY KIND OF JOURNEY IS SOME GIANT UNDERTAKING. WE NOW LIVE IN A TRANSIENT, NOMADIC, AND WHOLLY INTERCONNECTED SOCIETY SO HULK ARGUES THE THEMES AREN’T AS RESONANT. WE ARE INTERCONNECTED ALL THE TIME. SO THE THEMATIC POINT OF THE RETURN, TO HAVE A CHARACTER “STUCK TWO WORLDS,” IS ACTUALLY OUR MODERN CONSTANT, SO GO WITH THAT.
WHEN IT COMES TO YOUR ENDING JUST HAMMER HOME YOUR DAMN THEMES, IT DOESN’T MATTER WHERE THEY ACTUALLY ARE LOCATED. AND AS FAR AS YOUR PLOTTING GOES YOU DON’T NEED TO HAVE IT COME TOGETHER IN SOME UNIFIED MOMENT OF BIZARRE AMALGAMATION (THOUGH IF YOU CAN DO THAT WELL ENOUGH, IT PUTS YOU UP THERE WITH THE GENIUSES. DR. WHO IS A SHOW THAT DOES THIS QUITE WELL, BUT REMEMBER, PULLING IT OFF IS A HIGHWIRE ACT. SO TREAD CAREFULLY). JUST BE SURE ALL YOUR CHARACTERS/BEATS HAVE PLAYED A FULL PART IN THE STORY BY THE TIME OF THE ENDING BE SURE THAT THINGS YOU’VE INTRODUCED HAVE NOT BEEN DROPPED OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH. ECONOMY AND FOCUS FOLKS. THE RETURN IS A THEMATIC ONE.
NOW THIS IS A FILM ABOUT HEROES! NOTE: HULK SO WORRIED YOU MIGHT ACTUALLY THINK THIS THAT HULK JUST GOING TO CLARIFY HULK JOKING
PERHAPS A BETTER TITLE FOR THIS ARTICLE WOULD HAVE BEEN “A BETTER WAY OF APPROACHING THE HERO’S JOURNEY” BUT SOMETIMES IT’S BETTER TO JUST DIVE IN AND START SMASHING SHIT. WE HAVE TO LOOSEN UP THE WAY WE DEAL WITH THESE STRUCTURAL MATTERS BECAUSE THIS WEIRD SENSE OF FORMALISM IS CRIPPLING OUR ABILITY TO FOCUS ON MORE PRODUCTIVE FORMS OF STORYTELLING.
WARNING: THIS DOES NOT GIVE US CARTE BLANCHE TO DEVOLVE OUR MOVIES INTO A STORY-LESS, BAY-ESQUE MALAISE OF ACTION, (7) BUT WE HAVE TO REMEMBER THESE ARE INTRODUCTORY FORMS OF STRUCTURE DESIGNED TO HELP US UNDERSTAND THE THEMES AT PLAY. THEY ARE NOT “THE RULES.” SO DON’T BE SO DAMN RIGID WITH THEM OR THINK THEY DO ALL THE WORK FOR YOU. EMBRACE A CHANGE TO THE MODEL WHEN IT SUITS YOUR CHARACTER IN THE STORY. REMEMBER, THERE’S NO “REFUSING THE CALL” IN INDIANA JONES AND HE’S STILL A DAMN HERO. HE’S SIMPLY LIKE “THE ARK OF THE CONVENANT? FUCK YEAH, I’M IN.” AND EVERYONE WAS TOTALLY COOL WITH THAT.
BEYOND THAT, IT IS IMPORTANT AS A CULTURE TO CONSTANTLY EVALUATE OUR TRIED AND TRUE SYSTEMS. THIS IS NOT AN INVITATION TO DISAPPEAR UP OUR OWN ASSHOLE WITH REFLEXIVE ACADEMIC TALK, BUT WE HAVE TO BE MORE PERCEPTIVE TO WHAT ACTUALLY HELPS US DO THINGS. AND THE POPULARIZATION OF THE HERO’S JOURNEY IS SIGNIFICANT TO OUR CULTURAL UNDERSTANDING, BUT NOW OUR OVER-RELIANCE ON IT FOR PRAGMATIC STORYTELLING HAS REACHED A KIND OF CRITICAL MASS.
WE ARE SIMPLY TELLING STORIES WRONG.
“SO HULK, WHAT DO WE TURN TO INSTEAD?”
HULK ARGUE YOU ALREADY KNOW EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THE HERO BUSINESS AND THE BASICS ARE INGRAINED. SO HULK GOING TO ASK YOU TO APPROACH YOUR STORY STRUCTURE IN A MUCH SIMPLER, BUT FAR MORE HELPFUL WAY; ONE THAT WILL GET YOU TO WRITE SMARTER, MORE ECONOMICAL STORIES WHILE STILL CATERING TO YOUR PERSONAL IDEAS AND NOT STALE BULLSHIT.
LET’S TURN TO THE SOUTH PARK GUYS. CLICK ON THIS FUCKING LINK, IT’S JUST 2 MINUTES LONG AND IT’S INVALUABLE. CLICK ON IT:
HULK THANKS A FRIEND FOR SENDING HULK THIS VIDEO, BECAUSE TREY PARKER AND MATT STONE JUST DID MORE FOR ANY SINGLE STORY YOU WANT TO TELL THAN ANYTHING THE HERO’S JOURNEY WILL EVER DO.
THAT IS BECAUSE THE HERO’S JOURNEY TELLS YOU THE BEATS IN A GENERAL ORDER BUT IT GIVES YOU NO IDEA HOW TO LINK THEM. IF YOU USE THE HERO JOURNEY THEN THE VAST MAJORITY OF YOUR STORY IS CONSTRUCTED WITH AN “AND THEN”!!!! BECAUSE OF THIS, OUR HERO STORIES HAVE BECOME SEGMENTED NONSENSE. PEOPLE HITTING OBVIOUS AND REPEATED BEATS WITH NO FLOW.
LINKING THINGS TOGETHER IS THE SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT FACTOR IN CRAFTING A WELL-TOLD STORY. THIS IS WHAT HULK MEANS BY “FLOW” STRUCTURE. IT’S LIKE CLIMBING STAIRS: EACH SCENE SHOULD LEAD TO NEXT AND SO ON IN A WAY THAT ADVANCES THE PLOT, CHARACTER, OR THEME. EVERY PLACE SHOULD MAKE SENSE.
SO IF YOU ALREADY “GET” HEROES AND COME UP WITH YOUR OWN BEATS AND IDEAS (THAT’S THE EASY PART ODDLY ENOUGH), THE THING YOU HAVE TO TO THEN LEARN IS HOW TO LINK THE STORY COHESIVELY.
DO EXACTLY AS THEY SAY: LINE UP EVERY SINGLE BEAT IN YOUR STORY. THEN REWORK THE BEATS IF THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN LINK THEM IS WITH THE PHRASE “AND THEN.” IT SHOULD ALWAYS BE “THEREFORE” OR “BUT.”
DOING THIS CREATES A SINGLE STORY; TIGHT, ECONOMICAL WRITING THAT IS GOOD FOR YOUR IDEAS, RATHER THAN AUGMENTING YOUR STORY TO FIT SOMETHING THAT IS THE EQUIVALENT OF TWO-THOUSAND-YEAR-OLD CLIFF NOTES ANALYSIS, WHICH AGAIN, WAS REALLY SOMETHING THAT WAS MADE TO INVESTIGATE WHY WE CREATED MYTH AND NOT FOR HOW-TO INSTRUCTION. IF YOU ARE TAKING WHATEVER IDEAS YOU HAVE AND JUST PLUGGING THEM INTO THE HERO’S JOURNEY THEN YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG.
WOW… THIS ARTICLE CAME OUT SARCASTIC AS FUCK, BUT THAT’S OKAY.
SOME THINGS CALL FOR IT.
OUR RITUAL BUTCHERING OF THE ACADEMIC WORK OF JOSEPH CAMPBELL IS ONE OF THEM.
STAY IN SCHOOL!
ENDNOTES!
(1) AND DEPENDING ON THE TRANSLATION, GILGAMESH IS KINDA PRETTY TOO… IN CASE IT’S NOT OBVIOUS HULK LOVES GILGAMESH. YOU SHOULD READ IT. SERIOUSLY, IT’S ONLY 128 PAGES… OR IN HULK-TERMS, HALF AN ARTICLE.
(2) GASP! A MONO-PROBLEM! THINGS JUST GOT REFLEXIVE UP IN THIS BITCH.
(3) THIS IS ALSO NOT TO IMPLY THE BIOWARE GAMES DON’T DO SOME THINGS WELL. THEY ACTUALLY DO A BUNCH OF THINGS WELL. BUT FOR VIDEO GAMES IN GENERAL, THE QUALITY OF THE GAME PLAY DIRECTLY EFFECTS THE DEGREE TO WHICH WE ARE WILLING TO ACCEPT SHIT STORY AND CHARACTERIZATION. THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT HULK REALLY BELIEVES THAT THINGS ARE GOING TO CHANGE IN THE NEXT FEW YEARS. MORE AND MORE ARTICULATE AND INTELLIGENT PEOPLE ARE COMING INTO THE FOLD WHO 1) GREW UP ON STORY-BASED GAMING AND THEREFORE RESPECT THE FORM AND 2) MORE AND MORE WRITERS/FILMMAKERS ARE RECOGNIZING THE UNIQUE STORYTELLING OPPORTUNITIES THAT GAMING AFFORDS (BECAUSE IT IS EXPERIENCED INSTEAD OF WATCHED). WE’VE ALREADY STARTED TO EXPERIMENT (BIOSHOCK, ROCK STAR’S OUTPUT, ETC) AND WHILE WE’RE NOT THERE YET, THINGS ARE LOOKING UP.
… THEN AGAIN, BADASSDIGEST READER “THEMACNAUGHTON” POINTED HULK IN THE DIRECTION OF THIS:
… OKAY, ABANDON ALL HOPE.
(4) THIS DOES NOT INCLUDE FILMS THAT DIRECTLY USE THESE TOUCHSTONES TO INVERT THE MEANINGS FOR COMEDY PURPOSES AND YET STILL INFORM THEIR OWN STORIES. THINK OF EMPEROR ZERG’S “I AM YOUR FATHER” MOMENT FROM TOY STORY 2 OR THE POINT BREAK SCREAM AND FIRE IN THE AIR REFERENCES IN HOT FUZZ. THERE ARE WAYS TO DO EVERYTHING, BUT GUILE AND INTENTIONS ARE KEY.
(5) WHICH FEEDS BACK INTO ENTOURAGE. THE SHOW FAILED FOR MANY REASONS BUT CHIEFLY BECAUSE THERE WERE NEVER ANY REAL SET-UP TO THESE MOMENTS OF RELIEF BECAUSE THERE WERE NEVER ANY REAL STAKES. TRY AS THEY DID, THERE WAS ALWAYS AN AIR OF INVINCIBILITY. PARTIALLY BECAUSE THE MAIN CHARACTER ROUTINELY REMINDED EVERYONE THAT HE DIDN’T CARE IF HIS WHOLE WORLD DISAPPEARED, SO QUESTION ENTOURAGE WRITERS, WHY THE FUCK SHOULD WE? SERIOUSLY, THE SHOW’S GREATEST MOMENT DANGER, HULK SHIT YOU NOT, WAS THE THREAT OF DRAMA AND TURTLE’S WIENERS ACCIDENTALLY TOUCHING DURING A THREESOME…. WHICH IF YOU ASK HULK, WAS WHAT BOTH CHARACTER SECRETLY WANTED ALL ALONG*
*IN SOME BIZARRE UNIVERSE THAT EPISODE ENDS WITH THEIR WIENERS TOTALLY TOUCHING, THUS IGNITING THE BEGINNING OF A SERIES-ALTERING PLOTLINE WHERE THEY FALL IN LOVE, MOVE TO WE-HO AND ADOPT CHINESE BABIES. HONESTLY, HULK WOULD RATHER LIVE IN THAT UNIVERSE BECAUSE OUR UNIVERSE IS ONE WHERE PEOPLE THINK THAT SHOW IS GOOD**
** BY THE WAY, THE SHOW IS ALSO THE MOST SEXIST PIECE OF SHIT ON THE PLANET. JANE LYNCH WILL FOREVER HAVE HULK’S RESPECT FOR PULLING OFF HER WAY-MORE-STINGING-THAN-YOU-THINK “WHY I’M A LESBIAN” JOKE IN FRONT OF MILLIONS (NOTE: THE CAST ACTUALLY THOUGHT SHE MEANT THAT AS SAYING THEY WEREN’T THAT ATTRACTIVE. SHE MEANT THEY WERE HORRIBLE, SEXIST HUMAN BEINGS. WHICH IS PERFECT).
(6) OKAY NOT GO ALL FAN-FIC ON YOUR ASS BUT THEY COMPLETELY MISSED THE BOAT ON STRUCTURING THAT MOVIE IN THE BEST POSSIBLE WAY. ONE SMALL CHANGE COULD HAVE AFFECTED SO MUCH: PADME SHOULD HAVE STAYED ON NABOO AND DEALT WITH THE FACT HER PLANET WAS UNDER FUCKING ATTACK. QUI GON SHOULD HAVE LEFT OBI-WAN THERE TO PROTECT HER AND THEY COULD HAVE DEVELOPED A FRIENDSHIP AND SHE COULD HAVE HAD A SCHOOLGIRL CRUSH. MEANWHILE, QUI-GON WOULD HAVE BEEN THE ONLY ONE TO GO BACK TO THE SENATE AND GET STRANDED ALONG THE WAY ON TATOOINE. HE FINDS A NEW, BETTER PADAWAN IN YOUNG ANAKIN AND THEIR STUPID MISSION TO CORUSANT COULD HAVE STILL FAILED. BUT HERE’S THE REAL KEY, WHEN THEY RETURNED ALL THE TENSION AND GOT ON WITH THE REST OF THE STORY (INCLUDING THE TWO OTHER MOVIES) IT WOULD HAVE ACTUALLY COME TOGETHER IN A WAY THAT MADE SENSE. ANAKIN ENTERS AS THE DARK STRANGER WHO LOVES PADME, THE OBI-WAN CRUSH EVAPORATES, OBI WAN IS PISSED THERE’S A NEW PADAWAN AND EVERYONE WOULD HAVE REAL MOTIVATIONS. BUT INSTEAD THEY GOT TO TRAVEL TOGETHER IN A BIG, NOT FUN AND USELESS GROUP! ALSO GET RID OF JAR JAR. ALSO THEY SHOULD HAVE DONE A MILLION OTHER THINGS. WAIT, WHY THE HELL IS HULK EVEN DOING THIS? YOU CAN’T POLISH A TURD. ASSUMING THERE IS ONE PROBLEM THAT FIXES THE PREQUELS IS LIKE SWATTING A MISQUITO AND CALLING THEM EXTINCT.
(7) IN A SMALL AND TOTALLY-INCORRECT WAY YOU HAVE TO ADMIRE HOW MUCH BAY JUST DOESN’T GIVE A SHIT. IF HE WAS INTERESTED IN ART HE COULD MAKE BRILLIANT ANTI-MOVIES. SADLY, HE IS NOT.
WE CAN DRESS IT UP ALL WE WANT. WE CAN TALK ABOUT FILM’S OBJECTIVE QUALITIES: THE DIFFICULTY OF EXECUTION. MISE EN SCENE. BALANCE OF TONE. HEROIC PERFORMANCES. STORY STRUCTURE. LEVEL OF ASS-KICKERY. PICK YOUR TOPIC. THEY’RE ALL MORE THAN VALID, AS ENTIRE BOOKS ARE WRITTEN ABOUT THESE SUBJECTS. THEY CONSTITUTE WHOLE, FASCINATING WORLDS UNTO THEMSELVES. MORE IMPORTANTLY, IT’S THE CRITIC’S JOB TO CONVEY HOW THESE QUALITIES MAKE SENSE AND HOW THEY DO/DO NOT WORK IN A GIVEN MOVIE. AND HULK TAKES THAT JOB VERY SERIOUSLY.
BUT EVEN WITH THESE OBJECTIVE QUALITIES, MOVIES ARE STILL INEXORABLY ATTACHED TO OUR HEARTS AND MINDS. FOR ONE, THEY ARE FULLY DEPENDENT ON OUR OWN DEFINITION OF “OBJECTIVE.” BUT EVEN MORE, THEY ARE DEPENDENT ON OUR EXPERIENCES, FEELINGS, AND EMOTIONS. WE CAN STRETCH OUR NETS OF CINEMATIC INTEREST AS WIDE AS ONE CAN GO AND ARE CERTAINLY BETTER FOR IT. IT ENABLES US TO EXPRESS, CONVEY, SHARE, AND EDUCATE REGARDLESS OF WHO WE ARE. BUT THERE ARE THOUSANDS OF OBJECTIVELY GOOD MOVIES AND TO DECIDE WHAT IS TRULY SPECIAL, IT ULTIMATELY BECOMES A QUESTION NOT JUST OF WHAT ATTACHES, BUT TRULY RESONATES DOWN INTO OUR BONES.
IN THE END, MOVIES ARE PERSONAL.
AND 50/50 IS VERY, VERY PERSONAL TO HULK.
CANCER IS ONE OF THOSE THINGS THAT HAS SEEMINGLY TOUCHED EVERYONE. YOU’VE PROBABLY HAD SOME LEVEL OF PROXIMITY TO IT. IF YOU HAVEN’T? WELL, HULK’S NOT RELIGIOUS OR ANYTHING BUT COUNT YOUR DARN BLESSINGS. THAT’S BECAUSE SOME OF US HAVE GOTTEN THE FRONT-ROW SEAT. SOME OF US HAVE EVEN HAD IT… AND SOME OF US HAVE HAD IT ALONG WITH MOST EVERYONE ELSE IN OUR FAMILIES (HOW TO PUT THIS? GAMMA RADIATION IS A BITCH).
YOU’VE ALL PROBABLY HEARD THIS IN SOME WAY OR ANOTHER, BUT IN CASE IT’S NOT CLEAR: CANCER DOES NOT CARE ABOUT YOUR BELIEFS, OR HEALTH, OR AGE, OR WHAT’S FAIR. FOR ALL HULK KNOWS, IT COULD BE SOME SORT OF KARMIC AGENT THAT THE UNIVERSE HAS DEVISED TO PREVENT HUMANS FROM OVERTAKING THE EARTH MORE THAN THEY ALREADY HAVE. NOW, THIS KIND OF THINKING IS OBVIOUSLY CYNICAL NONSENSE, BUT IT CERTAINLY CAN FEEL TRUE.
THAT’S BECAUSE CANCER TEARS PEOPLE AWAY. THAT’S WHAT IT DOES. AND HULK DOESN’T KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT HULK IS FOND OF PUNY HUMANS QUITE A BIT. NO ONE WANTS TO HAVE THEM TORN AWAY, PIECE BY PIECE INTO NOTHINGNESS.
PEOPLE USUALLY DIE IN MOVIES BECAUSE THEY DO BAD THINGS. BECAUSE THEY DESERVE IT. AND IF THEY DIDN’T DESERVE IT, WE USUALLY SPEND COPIOUS AMOUNTS WITH THE PARTY RESPONSIBLE AND LEARN ABOUT GUILT OR SOMETHING. OR WE SPEND ALSO COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF TIME WITH THE ONES WHO ARE BEING TAUGHT / HAVE TO LEARN TO “LET GO” OF SOMEONE WHO DIES. HECK, EVEN FATAL ACCIDENTS IN MOVIES SORT OF WORK THE SAME WAY. PEOPLE DIE BUT THE SEARCH GOES ON FOR SOME SORT OF MEANING. THESE MOVIES, AND THE PEOPLE WHO WRITE THEM, TRY TO TEACH US THESE THINGS.
DISEASE MAKES THIS A LITTLE MORE PROBLEMATIC. GENETIC RANDOMNESS DOESN’T REALLY ASCRIBE ITSELF TO ANY SORT OF MEANING, OTHER THAN EXISTENTIALISM HULK GUESS. BECAUSE WHEN IT’S YOUR LIFE ON THE LINE THE PESKY LITTLE MATTER OF HOW OTHER PEOPLE WILL GO ON AFTER YOU IS A NEAT AND IDEAL THOUGHT, BUT IT’S NOT NECESSARILY A REAL OR COHERENT THOUGHT (ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU’RE YOUNGER). YET, WE SEE CANCER MOVIES ADDRESS THESE KINDS OF THINGS CONSTANTLY, EITHER WITH SOME WISTFUL NONSENSE OR SACCHARINE WHIMSY. WE’VE SEEN MOVIE AFTER MOVIE OF WELL-ADJUSTED CANCER CHILDREN TEACHING THEIR PARENTS AND FAMILY HOW TO “LET GO.” HECK, EVEN JAMES L. BROOKS A CERTIFIED WRITING GENIUS WHO KNOWS HOW TO ALTERNATE CUT THROAT/SUBLIME SAP AT A MOMENTS NOTICE, IS BASICALLY ENGAGING IN THOSE KIND OF IDEAS JUST IN A MUCH MORE ENTERTAINING WAY. MORE OFTEN THAN NOT THESE FILMS ARE WRITTEN ABOUT OUR ABILITY TO PROCESS WHAT “CAN” HAPPEN TO “SOMEONE ELSE.”
IT’S AN UNDERSTANDABLE INCLINATION IN ALL HONESTY, BUT HULK NOT SURE THAT’S NOT REALLY WHAT DISEASE IS ACTUALLY ABOUT. PLEASE NOTE THAT THE FOLLOWING PARAGRAPH IS VERY DIFFICULT TO EXPRESS CLEARLY AND HULK DID HULK’S BEST:
HULK DOESN’T THINK CANCER STORIES SHOULD BE MADE “FOR OTHER PEOPLE.” IT SEEMS LIKE MUCH MORE CAN BE DONE IN TERMS OF UNDERSTANDING BY TRANSLATING THE EXPERIENCE OF THE PERSON WHO ACTUALLY HAS THE DISEASE, RATHER THAN MAKE SOMETHING THAT IS DESIGNED TO MAKE THE EXPERIENCE “OKAY” FOR THE REST OF US. BECAUSE FOR THE INDIVIDUAL, CANCER/DISEASE IS ABOUT THE SIMPLE AND HEARTBREAKING REALITY OF HOW ORDINARY IT ALL IS. WHEN YOU’RE YOUNGER, DISEASE ACTUALLY FORCES YOU TO STOP SEEING THE WORLD IN THESE GRAND TERMS OF “LEGACY” AND “MEANING.” WHY? BECAUSE THOSE THINGS ARE ABOUT THE PRESERVATION OF THE FUTURE SELF IN SOME WAY AND THAT’S NOT WHAT YOU’RE ACTUALLY FACING. NO, HULK ARGUES CANCER JUST FORCES YOU TO LOOK AT THE REGULAR LIFE AROUND YOU IN NON-GRAND TERMS. DISEASE DOES NOT PROVIDE SOME CRYSTALLINE, OMNISCIENT FOCUS. IT DOESN’T GIVE YOU THE SUPER POWER TO REALIZE WHAT LIFE IS REALLY ABOUT. YOU DON’T EVEN “CHERISH THE MOMENT” REALLY. YOU’RE TOLD THIS HAPPENS, BUT THIS IS NOT WHAT HAPPENS. WHAT DISEASE DOES IS THAT ACTUALLY CLARIFIES THE HEARTBREAKING REALITY OF THE ORDINARY PRESENT. MEANING, THERE IS NOTHING ALL THAT SPECIAL ABOUT IT. THERE IS JUST YOU, YOUR FAMILY, YOUR FRIENDS AND WHATEVER THEY ACTUALLY ARE (SELFISH, LOVING, SMOTHERING, ETC), AND THEY ARE ALL NOW DEALING WITH FACT YOU ARE SICK.
HULK HOPES THIS MAKES SENSE. DISEASE DOES NOT GET YOU TO SEE “LIFE” BUT REALLY THE JUST ORDINARY NATURE OF “YOUR LIFE.” AND THAT’S WHY EVERYONE AROUND YOU FREAKS OUT SO BADLY, BECAUSE IT MAKES THEM SEE HOW IT’S ALL JUST SO IMPOSSIBLY REGULAR: CANCER/DISEASE IS SOMETHING HORRIBLE YOU HAVE TO LIVE WITH UNTIL YOU POSSIBLY DIE FROM IT… AND THAT’S IT.
50/50 IS THE FIRST MOVIE HULK’S EVER SEEN THAT UNDERSTANDS AND CONVEYS THAT.
AND THAT IS WHY THE FILM IS TRANSCENDENT.
WHAT’S SORT OF WEIRD IS THAT HULK WAS GOING INTO IT NOT WITH ANY SORT OF GRAND EXPECTATION, GIVEN THE NATURE OF ANY PERSONAL ATTACHMENTS. HULK WASN’T REALLY ANTICIPATING TO CONNECT LIKE THAT AT ALL. HECK, HULK ALMOST DECIDED TO SPEND THE NIGHT IN. HULK JUST THOUGHT IT WOULD BE A FUNNY FILM THAT TRIED TO STAY AWAY FROM SAPPY, TRITE STUFF WE HAVE SEEN BEFORE. ONE THAT TRIED TO DISPLACE THAT STUFF WITH COMEDY. HULK EVEN KNEW FROM PAST MOVIES THAT DIRECTOR JONATHAN LEVINE WOULD BE ABLE TO CREATE SOMETHING THAT FELT LIVED IN AND IMMEDIATE. AND FOR MOST PEOPLE THAT MAY BE ALL 50/50 ACTUALLY IS… WHICH AGAIN, IS FINE.
BUT FOR HULK IT WAS SOMETHING MORE. HULK MELTED INTO THE MOVIE AND EXPERIENCED IT WHOLLY AS IF IT WAS HAPPENING RIGHT THEN AND THERE, AS IF HULK WAS DIRECTLY INVOLVED. FOR MOST CRITICS THIS HAPPENS ALL TOO RARELY. SO OFTEN THEY WATCH A MOVIE TO PROCESS HOW IT IS “WORKING” WITHOUT REALLY EXPERIENCING. THOUGH IT SHOULD NOT THAT MOST GOOD CRITICS ARE ACTUALLY PROCESSING THE EXPERIENCE AND THUS EFFECTIVELY DOING BOTH AT ONCE, BUT SOMETIMES IT’S DICEY. AND CRITICS OFTEN FORGET THAT MOST PEOPLE JUST EXPERIENCE MOVIES IN SOME SORT OF CHILDLIKE STATE OF TRANSIENCE. IT’S THE REASON A LOT OF PEOPLE CAN’T EXPLAIN MOVIES, TAKE THEM SO PERSONALLY, AND ARE SO DAMN SUSCEPTIBLE TO TONE CHANGES (AND MAYBE ARE EVEN BETTER FOR IT).YES FOR THE AVERAGE MOVIE-GOER, FILMS ARE HYPER-PERSONAL BECAUSE THEY ARE an EXPERIENCE. SO WHEN A CRITIC CAN ENJOY A MOVIE THIS WAY? IT IS A GIFT.
STILL, “OBJECTIVELY” SPEAKING HULK THOUGHT 50/50 WAS FANTASTIC. THE PERFORMANCES ARE ALL STANDOUTS AND THERE ARE MANY REASONS WHY (MOSTLY BECAUSE THEY KEEP THINGS GROUNDED). BUT HULK WOULD BE REMISS NOT TO MENTION JOSEPH GORDON LEVITT’S ABILITY TO PLAY HIS QUIET TROUBLES OFF OF EVERYONE ELSE’S LEVELS OF RELATIVE SADNESS AND HYSTERIA. IT FEEDS DIRECTLY INTO THE VERY THING THAT ENABLES THE FILM TO SUCCEED: THE TONE.
LEVINE DEFTLY WEAVES SCENES TOGETHER TURNING A FILM THAT ALTERNATES BETWEEN COMEDY AND SOMBERNESS INTO A SINGULAR, COHERENT REALITY. YOU LIKELY HAVE NO IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IT IS TO PULL THAT OFF, BUT LEVINE DOES SO ADMIRABLY. ONE OF THE KEYS TO THAT IS TAHT THE FILM IS GENUINELY FUNNY WITHOUT FEELING LIKE IT IS STRIVING TO DO SO. IT IS WHOLLY COMFORTABLE GOING WHOLE SCENES WITHOUT ANY JOKING WHATSOEVER AND THIS ALLOWS THE FILM TO PUNCTUATE ITS MOMENTS. IT CHOOSES REALITY AS A MORE IMPORTANT GOAL THAN THE JOKE, GIVING THE TONE FLEXIBILITY. THE SUM TOTAL OF THESE DECISIONS IS THAT IT MEANS LEVINE MADE ONE OF THOSE RARE MOVIES WHERE EVERYTHING SIMPLY “IS.”
BUT THAT ACHIEVEMENT ALL STARTS WITH WILL REISER’S SCRIPT, WHICH FLOWS BEAUTIFULLY, SHIFTING FROM EXPERIENCE TO EXPERIENCE WITH A QUIET, PROPULSIVE FOCUS. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN EXACTLY? IT MEANS SCENES ARE WRITTEN TO BUILD THE RELATIONSHIPS, BUT NO SINGULAR SCENE IS TRYING TO DESPERATELY DRIVE HOME A SINGULAR POINT, JUST TO CONVEY THE PERSPECTIVE. AND THAT IS BECAUSE THE PERSPECTIVE IS THE POINT. THE FACT THAT THIS IS REISER’S PERSONAL STORY IS WELL-PUBLICIZED, BUT HULK WANTS TO REMIND YOU JUST BECAUSE IT “HAPPENED” DOESN’T MEAN SHIT WHEN IT COMES TO WRITING. IT’S ABOUT THE ABILITY TO MAKE IT RESONATE. AND REISER SHOWCASES HIS ABILITY TO WRITE THROUGH THE SHEER DETERMINATION TO EXPRESS THE INNATE REALITY OF DISEASE, NOT BY TRYING TO OVERTLY TURN IT INTO “A MOVIE.” THIS IS NOT SAY THE FILM IS SOME EXERCISE IN VERITE, NOTHING OF THE SORT. BUT LIKE THE WAY LEVINE BALANCES THE TONE, REISER BALANCES THE GOAL OF INNATE REALITY WITH THE DESIRE TO ENTERTAIN AND MOVIE-FY THE EXPERIENCE.
BUT AGAIN, THIS WAS HOW IT AFFECTED HULK.
SOME OF YOU MAY HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY ABOUT THIS CHOICE OR THAT CHOICE, OR THIS PERSON OR THAT PERSON AND THAT’S FINE. HONESTLY, HULK DOESN’T REALLY CARE. FOR EXAMPLE, THERE’S BEEN A LOT OF TALK OF THE TERRIBLE TITLE, ONE DOWNGRADED FROM THE ADMITTEDLY FAR-MORE-EFFECTIVE “I’M WITH CANCER.” SAY WHAT YOU WILL, BUT THE TITLE 50/50 IS STILL SOMETHING THAT AT LEAST MEANS SOMETHING TO HULK. FOR ONE, IT SPEAKS TO IMPLICIT NATURE OF THE RESULTS: YOU EITHER DIE, OR YOU DON’T. TECHNICALLY SPEAKING, THOSE ARE EVERYONE’S CANCER ODDS. AND EITHER WAY YOU HAVE TO GO ON LIVING WITH THAT REALITY. GOING EVEN FURTHER WITH THE TITLE, OF ALL THE IMPORTANT PEOPLE WHO HAD CANCER IN HULK’S LIFE. HALF DIED. THE OTHER HALF SURVIVED. SIMPLE MATH. AGAIN, A RANDOM PROCESS WITH TWO POSSIBLE RESULTS. THAT’S WHAT THE MOVIE MEANS. SO THAT’S WHAT THE TITLE CAN MEAN TOO.
OBJECTIVELY SPEAKING 50/50 IS A MOVIE WORTH SEEING. IT IS A WELL-MADE, FUNNY, EMOTIONAL WITHOUT NECESSARILY BEING SAD, AND CHANCES ARE YOU WILL ENJOY IT.
UN-OBJECTIVELY SPEAKING, THIS WAS A MOVIE HULK NEEDED IN HULK’S LIFE.
WARNING! THIS COLUMN DETECTS HIGH LEVELS OF GAMMA RADIATION IN THE FORM OF OVER-INDULGENT SELF-AIMED ANALYSIS!
SO YESTERDAY THERE WAS A BIT OF A DISCUSSION ON TWITTER ABOUT HULK, THE HULK-SPEAK, AND WHETHER OR NOT HULK SHOULD DROP IT ALL TOGETHER AND GO PERMANENT BANNER-MODE FOR THE SAKE OF EVERYONE’S BLISS.
ON ONE SIDE, A GOOD DEAL OF REALLY SMART PEOPLE FIND IT GIMMICKY, DISTRACTING, AND LIMITING. ON THE OTHER SIDE, THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO SEEM TO REALLY DIG IT. A STUNNING AMOUNT OF PEOPLE WEIGHED IN ON THE TOPIC, INCLUDING SOME OF HULK’S MOST VOCIFEROUS READERS, AS WELL AS A GREAT MANY OF HULK’S FAVORITE CRITICS, ONES THAT HULK HAS READ, LOVED, AND RESPECTED FOR YEARS. NOT TO MENTION A BEVY OF WORKING FILM PROFESSIONALS AND WRITERS , INCLUDING BUDDING UBER -PRODUCER KEITH CALDER (BEHIND SOME GREAT FILMS LIKE THE WACKNESS AND THE APPARENTLY FANTASTIC YOU’RE NEXT ON THE WAY) AND EVEN, GULP, THE UTTERLY-BRILLIANT EDGAR WRIGHT.
THE IDEA THAT HULK WOULD BE A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION AMONG THESE PEOPLE DOES NOT EVEN QUALIFY AS HUMBLING, BUT OUTRIGHT STUPEFYING. IT IS THE KIND OF SURREAL MEASURE OF FATE THAT CAUSES HULK TO QUESTION EXISTENCE. IS HULK REALLY HERE? IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING?
BUT AS DUMB AND WHOLLY UNINTERESTING AS ADDRESSING THIS CONCERN IS, THE PROBLEM IS THAT THE ISSUE HAS GROWN ENOUGH IN SIZE TO BECOME THE PROVERBIAL ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM. AS SUCH IT IS TIME TO TALK ABOUT IT WITH YOU, THE READER, AND EXPLAIN WHY EXACTLY HULK DOES WHAT HULK DOES.
DIRECTLY REFERENCING THE CONUNDRUM ON THE BLOG MAY SEEM SORT OF WEIRD AND DEFINITELY SELF-INDULGENT. HULK JUST WANT TO ASSURE YOU THAT THE GOAL HERE IS NOT TO HULK TO BE LIKE “HERE’S WHY HULK IS AWESOME!” BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE ABSOLUTELY MORTIFYING.
NO, THE GOAL IS HERE IS ONLY TO JUSTIFY WHY THIS IS HAPPENING AND TO DO THAT HULK WOULD HAVE TO EXPLAIN WHY HULK BELIEVES IN THE HULK BLOG. AND THAT CAN GET A TAD CLOYING FOR SOME, HULK UNDERSTAND.
PERHAPS MORE WORRYING IS THE DREADED ISSUE OF “OVER-EXPLAINING THE JOKE.” BUT SINCE OVER-EXPLAINING THE JOKE IS SORT OF WHAT HULK DOES HERE, PERHAPS IT’S TIME TO DIRECT IT INWARDS. AFTER ALL, HULK HAS SPENT MORE TIME THINKING ABOUT THE WHOLE CIRCUMSTANCE THAN ANYONE ELSE ON THE PLANET.
SO IN EFFORT TO PUT IT BEHIND US, IT IS NOW TIME FOR HULK TO GIVE YOU A DECENT ANSWER.
NO HULK DON'T DO IT!
THE FIRST THING YOU SHOULD UNDERSTAND IS THAT HULK HONESTLY GETS THE FACT THAT ALL-CAPS WRITING CAN HARD TO READ. THIS MAY JUST HAVE TO BE A GIVEN. AND CONCERNING THE DISJOINTED SENTENCE STRUCTURE AND GRAMMAR HULK DID YA’LL A SOLID AND ADOPTED THOSE PESKY THINGS LIKE PREPOSITIONS, APOSTROPHES, AND THE ALL-TOO CRITICAL WORD “IS.” THAT’S RIGHT, HULK LEARN GOOD! BUT REALLY IF YOU’RE GONNA READ 10,000+ WORDS THERE HAS TO BE SOME MEASURE OF MEETING YOU HALFWAY. WHAT THIS MEANS IS THAT RIGHT NOW, ALL HULK IS REALLY DOING IS JUST SWITCHING OUT “I” FOR “HULK” AND TURNING ON CAPS LOCK… OTHERWISE YOU’RE JUST READING REGULAR OLD ENGLISH… DISAPPOINTING, HULK KNOW… THOUGH HULK WON’T DENY USING A FEW MOMENTS OF WELL-TIMED, TRUE-BLUE HULK SPEAK FOR A CHEAP JOKE. BUT COME ON, WHO COULD RESIST THAT?
AS FOR THE CHARGE THAT HULK IS MERELY WRITING IN-CHARACTER AND THIS SOMEHOW IMPLIES A LACK OF VERACITY OR THE ABILITY TO TAKE WHAT IS BEING SAID SERIOUSLY, HULK ARGUES THIS A BIT OF A MISS-CHARACTERIZATION.
FOR STARTERS, THERE HAS NOT BEEN A SINGLE THING THAT HULK HAS WROTE THAT WASN’T SOMETHING TRUE IN HULK’S HEART OF HEARTS. THE CONTENT IS GENUINE. HULK HOPES THIS IS MADE CLEAR PARTIALLY BY THE FACT THAT HULK GETS TO WRITE ABOUT WHATEVER THE HECK HULK WANTS. THERE IS NO PRESSURE FOR HITS. HULK MAKES ABSOLUTELY ZERO MONEY OFF OF THIS THING. IN FACT, HULK WORKS 60+ HOUR WEEKS AND SQUEEZES MOST OF THIS WORK IN WHEN HULK SHOULD BE SLEEPING. WHICH MEANS, VERACITY OF INTENTION IS THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS HERE.
ADMITTEDLY, THERE IS AN ADDED BENEFIT TO BEING THE HULK AND THAT IS THAT HULK IS UNIQUELY FREE OF CERTAIN POLITICAL EXPECTATIONS OF BEING “A CRITIC.” HULK IS INSTEAD THOUGHT OF AS SOME SORT OF GENIAL, AMORPHOUS BEING THAT LIVES IN THE INTERNET TUBES AND LIKES MOVIES AND SHIT. THE FREQUENT CHARGE AGAINST CRITICS IS THAT THEY CARRY PERSONAL VENDETTAS, SOMETHING THAT IS RARELY TRUE, BUT DUE TO HULK’S NEBULOUS QUALITY, HULK IS NEVER CHARGED WITH ULTERIOR MOTIVES. THAT IS BECAUSE THE HULK CAN BE ANYTHING: THE WILD RAMBLING ID OF THE MOVIEGOER. THE JESTER OF THE COURT. HULK CAN BE YOU JUST AS YOU CAN BE HULK. THERE IS A DISTINCT VALUE TO THIS ANONYMITY OF BEING THE GIANT GREEN ONE, TO WIT THE AMAZING RESPONSE OF ONE DAMON HOUX:
@FilmCritHULK “Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth,” Oscar Wilde.
A GREAT HUMAN TRUTH AND ADMITTEDLY, ONE OF THE DISTINCT ADVANTAGES TO BEING THE HULK… BUT IT’S ALSO CRITICAL TO MENTION THAT’S NOT THE REASON WHY HULK DOES IT. NO, IT COMES FROM SOMEWHERE A LITTLE MORE INNOCENT AND PERHAPS SILLY. YOU SEE, OVER THE LAST YEAR AND HALF THERE IS SOMETHING THAT HULK HAS UNDOUBTEDLY LEARNED:
EVERYONE LOVES THE HULK.
AND WHY THE FUCK WOULDN’T THEY? HULK NOT TALKING ABOUT HULK-SELF, BUT THE IDEA OF THE HULK. ISN’T THERE SOMETHING SO LOVABLE ABOUT THE BIG GREEN GUY? THE WAY THE HULK IS IMPLICITLY YOUR FRIEND; A KIND OF BLUNT INSTRUMENT OF DOE-EYED INNOCENCE COMBINED WITH OUT OF CONTROL SMASH-TASTIC CAPABILITIES. THE HULK IS THE PROVERBIAL BULL IN A CHINA SHOP, OR THE UNBREAKABLE MARE. BUT THE SECRET HUMAN TRUTH OF THESE WILD AND OUT OF CONTROL ANIMALS IS THAT DEEP DOWN, MOST EVERYONE JUST WANTS TO CALM THE ANIMAL DOWN AND CONNECT TO THE SPIRIT INSIDE. WE SEE THIS TROPE ALL THE TIME IN MOVIES, HECK IT’S CLICHE AT THIS POINT, BUT IT SPEAKS TO OUR OWN NATURE: WE’RE ATTRACTED TO BIG STUPID THINGS THAT WIELD ENORMOUS POWER. AND IT’S SOMETIMES EASY TO FORGET THAT THE HULK IS OBVIOUS SUPERHEROIC RIFF ON JEKYLL/HYDE AND THEREFORE IT’S PLACE OUR OTHER PSYCHE. IT MAKES FOR THE EASIEST POSSIBLE REPRESENTATION OF OUR OUR HIGH / LOW SELVES.
HULK'S NOT SURE WHETHER HULK IS HIGH OR LOW THOUGH
IF ALL THIS SOUNDS LIKE A BIG CIRCLE JERK OF PONTIFICATING NONSENSE, HULK WOULD DISAGREE WITH YOU. ALL THIS IS AT PLAY IN OUR MINDS IT JUST HAPPENS RAPIDLY AND AT AN INSTANT. MOST OF YOU HAVE GOTTEN TO HEAR THE REAL HULK VOICE UNDERNEATH IT ALL, BUT REMEMBER THERE WAS ALL A MOMENT WHERE YOU FIRST HEARD ABOUT THE HULK BEING A FILM CRITIC AND THAT WAS LITERALLY ALL YOU KNEW. IN THAT INSTANT IT WAS A SINGULAR, SMALL, AND HOPEFULLY FUN CONCEPT THAT DREW YOU IN. HULK HAS GOT SEE IT HAPPEN HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF TIMES THROUGH THE BLOG AND TWITTER AND OVER THAT TIME THE PATTERN HAS BECOME OBVIOUS:
PEOPLE JUST FUCKING LOVE THE HULK.
PERHAPS IT’S BEST EXEMPLIFIED BY ONE OF HULK’S FAVORITE MOMENTS EVER: HULK TWEETED THE YOUNG ACTOR JOHN BOYEGA, OFFERING HUGE PRAISE OF HIS PERFORMANCE IN ATTACK THE BLOCK AND THIS WAS HIS RESPONSE:
Did the HULK just tweet me? I’m flipping honoured!!!!!! thanks big guy
HOW AWESOME IS THAT REACTION? AGAIN, PEOPLE LOVE THE HULK. EVEN IF YOUR REACTION ISN’T AS STRONG, THE HULK HAS THIS TREMENDOUS POWER TO REVERT PEOPLE TO SIMPLE JOY.
BUT YOU KNOW WHO REALLY LOVES THE HULK MOST OF ALL?
HULK DID. GROWING UP ON A STEADY DIET OF MARVEL COMICS AND THE WONDERFUL TV SHOW THERE IS A REAL, TANGIBLE HISTORICAL AFFINITY HERE FOR THE BIG GREEN ONE. WHICH MEANS THIS WHOLE MATTER COULD HAVE BEEN SETTLED WITH A SIMPLE STATEMENT OF “BECAUSE HULK LIKES IT. THAT’S WHY!” BUT THAT WOULDN’T BE ALL THAT FAIR TO YOU.
SO IS BEING THE HULK SOMEHOW… CHEATING? A CHEAP GIMMICK?
YES AND NO.
IT IS A GIMMICK FOR SURE, THERE’S NO DENYING THAT IMPLICIT, WONDERFUL DRAW. BUT THE TRUTH IS IF HULK WAS JUST A CHEAP GIMMICK HULK WOULD BE CRACKING JOKES AND YA’LL WOULDA TUNED OUT BY NOW. THIS IS FOR CERTAIN. BESIDES, THESE LONG-FORM HULK ARTICLES ARE A SERIOUS UNDERTAKING SO REALLY IT’S ABOUT COMMITMENT AND PATIENCE. HULK TRULY TRIES TO OFFER YA’LL SOMETHING OF REAL VALUE WITH EVERY SINGLE POST.
OF COURSE, PART OF THE HULK JOKE IS THAT MOST PEOPLE COME EXPECTING THE DUMB-TALK SMASHY TIME, BUT THE ACTUAL CONTENT OF THE ARTICLES HERE ARE FAIRLY SOFT, MEASURED, AND THOROUGH. OH SURE THERE’S THE OCCASIONAL POINTED BARBS OR THINGS THAT REALLY DO SET OFF HULK’S SMASH MODE. BUT FOR THE MOST PART ,HULK TRYING TO PUT FORTH THE BETTER ANGEL OF HULK’S NATURE. A GENUINE OPTIMISM ABOUT MOVIES, THE INTERNET, YOU GUYS, AND OUR SHARED CULTURE.
HULK CANNOT STATE MORE CLEARLY: NONE OF THIS IS ABOUT ADORATION, BUT THE TRUE JOY OF CONNECTING WITH IDEAS. THE RESPONSES HULK HAS GOT FROM SOME OF YOU, LIKE FOR EXAMPLE THOSE WHO WROTE IN SAYING HOW HULK’S MYTH OF 3 ACT STRUCTURE PIECE CHANGED THE SHAPE OF YOUR WRITING AND HAD A REAL FREEING EFFECT, THAT IS THE BIGGEST KIND OF JOY ANYONE CAN RECEIVE. SERIOUSLY.
LIKE COOKIES!
AND HERE’S ONE LAST TRUTH FOR YA’LL: OUTSIDE OF THE WONDERFUL PEOPLE IN HULK’S PERSONAL LIFE, HULK EMBRACING HULK’S INNER-HULK WAS THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO HULK… GOOD GOD THE HULK SPEAK IS REALLY NOT HELPING WITH THAT PARTICULAR SENTENCE, BUT WHATEVER.
THE POINT IS THAT HULK HAS GOTTEN TO CONNECT WITH SO MANY AMAZING PEOPLE ABOUT MOVIES, GOTTEN TO WRITE ARTICLES WITH BRAZEN GENIUSES LIKE TOM TOWNEND, AND HAD INTERACTIONS WITH PEOPLE WHOSE MOVIES HULK ADORES. AND IT SEEMS LIKE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF HULK’S READERS WHO COMMENTS ARE WONDERFUL, THOUGHTFUL INDIVIDUALS. HULK HAS EVEN SINCERELY TRIED TO READ EVERYTHING YOU’VE EVER SENT TO HULK AND HULK TRULY APPRECIATES THE INPUT. SOMETIMES WE TRULY LOSE SIGHT OF THE FACT THAT THE INTERNET IS WHOLLY POWERFUL THING, CAPABLE OF SUCH AMAZING CONNECTION. TRULY AMAZING.
SO WHAT THIS “HULK SPEAK” STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS BASICALLY COMES DOWN TO IS THAT THIS IS ULTIMATELY JUST A MATTER OF BEING “COOL WITH IT” OR “NOT COOL WITH IT.” THAT’S ALSO TOTALLY OKAY. IN FACT, IT’S WHAT HAPPENS WITH MOST THINGS.
SO HERE’S WHAT YOU SHOULD DO… WHEN YOU READ HULK’S BLOGS OR TWEETS OR WHATEVER THE HELL, GO WITH WHAT YOUR MIND FIRST JUMPS TO: A 12 FOOT TALL, GREEN, MUSCULAR BEING CRAMMED IN FRONT OF A LITTLE COMPUTER SCREEN AND POURING HIS HEART OUT ABOUT MOVIES. A HEART THAT IS, LIKE THE REAL HULK’S, GENUINE, HUMAN, AND REAL.
BECAUSE WHETHER YOU REALIZE IT OR NOT, THAT’S WHAT IS REALLY HAPPENING HERE.
YES, INTERNET, THERE IS A FILM CRIT HULK. THE HULK EXISTS AS CERTAINLY AS LOVE AND GENEROSITY AND DEVOTION EXIST, AND YOU KNOW THAT THEY ABOUND TO YOUR LIFE ITS HIGHEST BEAUTY AND JOY. ALAS! HOW DREARY LIFE WOULD BE IF THERE WERE NO HULK. IT WOULD BE AS DREARY AS IF THERE WERE NO YOU. THERE WOULD BE NO CHILDLIKE FAITH THEN, NO POETRY, NO ROMANCE TO MAKE TOLERABLE THIS EXISTENCE. WE SHOULD HAVE NO ENJOYMENT, EXCEPT IN SENSE AND SIGHT. THE ETERNAL LIGHT WITH WHICH CHILDHOOD FILLS THE WORLD WOULD BE EXTINGUISHED.
HULK COULD PERHAPS JUST LEAVE YOU WITH THAT SACCHARINE BIT OF USURPERY, BUT THAT WOULDN’T BE THE OVERLY-CAUTIOUS GREEN GUY YOU’VE COME TO KNOW. THE TRUTH IS THAT IF BEING THE HULK EVEN AFFORDS THE SLIGHTEST BIT OF IRREVERENCE AND CHILD-LIKE FUN TO BE HAD IN THIS ENTIRELY-TOO-DRAB ARENA WE CALL FILM CRITICISM, EVEN IF IT’S FUN JUST TO ONE PERSON, THEN EMBRACING THE INNER-HULK WAS ABSOLUTELY THE RIGHT DECISION.
HULK SPEAK STAYS.
NOW THAT THAT’S SETTLED, HULK CAN FINALLY GET BACK TO BUSINESS AND ADDRESS THE STUFF THAT’S ACTUALLY FUN FOR HULK TO WRITE AND FOR YOU TO READ. LIKE THE REVIEW OF JAMES GUNN’S SUPER COMING UP ALONG WITH THE MOST DRUNKEN, SARCASTIC THING HULK HAS WRITTEN YET. GOOD TIMES!
OKAY. LET’S STOP PUSSYFOOTING AROUND WITH THIS BECAUSE HULK IS NOT PLAYING NICE ANYMORE.
IN FACT, HULK IS FUCKING TIRED OF YOUR SHIT.
IF YOU ARE NOT WATCHING COMMUNITY, YOU HAVE TO START WATCHING COMMUNITY RIGHT NOW. THAT’S RIGHT, HULK MAKING YOU.
WHY THE SUDDEN URGENCY WHEN HULK HAS JUST PLAIN OLD “RECOMMENDED IT” BEFORE?
LAST WEEK, THE SHOW PREMIERED TO A MASSIVE RATINGS DROP.
… THIS IS A PROBLEM. THE SHOW CANNOT GO OFF THE AIR. HULK WILL GO INTO AN ABED-LIKE SHUTDOWN IF THIS SHOW GOES OFF THE AIR.
THIS A BIG PROBLEM FOR HULK AND GUESS WHAT? HULK’S PROBLEM IS YOUR PROBLEM [CRACKS KNUCKLES]
SO IF YOU HAVEN’T WATCHED THE SHOW, EITHER JUST JUMP INTO IT THIS WEEK (SOMETHING HULK WOULD USUALLY NEVER RECOMMEND BUT THESE ARE DESPERATE TIMES), OR IF YOU ARE LIKE HULK AND LIKE WATCHING THINGS FROM BEGINNING, GO OUT BUY THE DVD OF SEASON 1.
TODAY.
DO IT. CANCEL YOUR PLANS. ON THE WAY HOME AFTER WORK JUST BUY THE DVD. THIS SHIT IS NOT THAT EXPENSIVE AND REALLY, CAN YOU PUT A PRICE ON JOY? THEN WHEN YOU GET HOME GO AHEAD MAKE YOURSELF A NICE SANDWICH (YOU KNOW, THE ONE YOU LIKE) AND JUST START WATCHING. 8 EPISODES IN YOU WILL BE HOOKED (THE PILOT WORKS BETTER WHEN YOU SEE HOW THE SHOW ACTUALLY DEVELOP). HULK PROMISE.
IF HULK WRONG HULK AND YOU DO NOT LIKE THE FIRST SEASON, HULK WILL DONATE THE AMOUNT OF MONEY YOU SPENT ON DVDS TO CHARITY. SERIOUSLY.
IN FACT, HULK SO SERIOUS THAT AT THE END OF THIS COLUMN THERE WILL BE TRIVIA AND IF YOU HAVEN’T WATCHED THE SHOW HULK WILL FUCKING BUY YOU SEASON 1 OF THE SHOW. HEAR THAT? THIS IS THAT SERIOUS. YOU ARE OFFICIALLY OUT OF FUCKING EXCUSES.
OH, WHAT’S THAT? YOU DON’T CARE WHAT HULK THINKS? YOU STILL AREN’T GOING TO DO IT? TOO LAZY?
FINE. HERE ARE 13 BLATANTLY OBVIOUS REASONS TO WATCH COMMUNITY:
1) IT IS CURRENTLY THE SMARTEST/FUNNIEST COMEDY ON TV
DO YOU LIKE SMART AND FUNNY THINGS? YOU SAY YOU DO. BUT APPARENTLY YOU FUCKING DON’T. WELL THE MAD GENIUS DAN HARMON HAS CRAFTED A BIZARRELY WONDERFUL SHOW FULL OF SCOPE, GENRE JUMPING HILARITY, SIMPLE HUMANITY, HIGH BROW/LOW BROW, AND CHOCK FULL OF ETHOS AND PATHOS.
2) ANNIE’S BOOBS AND ANNIE’S BOOBS
ONE IS A MONKEY AND THE OTHER IS BOOBS. THAT’S RIGHT, HULK WILLING TO GO SEXIST FOR COMMUNITY’S FUTURE AND THE SAKE OF YOUR VERY OWN EYEBALLS. THE POINT IS BOTH THE MONKEY AND THE BOOBS ARE GREAT.
3) FOR REALS ANNIE AND THE SHOW’S RESPECT OF FEMALE CHARACTERS
THE BETTER REASON TO WATCH COMMUNITY IS BECAUSE ALISON BRIE IS ACTUALLY HILARIOUS AS THE TIGHTLY-WOUND, OVERLY-STUDIOUS YOUNG ANNIE. DESPITE HULK’S ANNIE’S BOOBS COMMENT ABOVE, THE SHOW IS ACTUALLY ONE OF THE BEST IN TERMS OF IT’S TREATMENT/CREATION OF DYNAMIC FEMALE CHARACTERS. THIS IS NOT TO IMPLY THE SHOW IS A WEEKLY ESPOUSING OF GENDER IDEALS (IT IS A COMEDY AFTER ALL), JUST THAT IT TREATS ALL THE WOMEN ON THE SHOW AS DEEPLY TEXTURED, HUMAN, FLAWED, AND DISTINCTLY FUNNY PEOPLE. WHICH THIS DAY IN AGE IS, SADLY, REMARKABLE. AND ANYTIME IT DELVES INTO PLAYING UP SEXUAL ELEMENTS IS ALMOST ALWAYS IN THE NAME OF COMMENTARY.
THE POINT IS THE 3 WOMEN ON THE SHOW ARE HULK’S 3 FAVORITE CHARACTERS ON THE SHOW. CASE IN POINT…
4) BRITTA PERRY IS BEST CHARACTER ON TV
BRITTA BEST EXEMPLIFIES EVERYTHING THAT HULK WAS JUST TALKING ABOUT. SHE IS A PERFECT MIXED BAG OF GREAT INTENTIONS, AWKWARDNESS, BLINDING PALENESS, WHITE GUILT, FALSE CONFIDENCE, GORGEOUSNESS, ALL COMBINING INTO UNINTENTIONAL HILARITY. GILLIAN JACOBS IS SNEAKILY THROWING 99MPH RIGHT NOW. WATCH:
EH WHAT THE HELL. ONE MORE. THIS ONE GIVES A SENSE OF HER INTERPLAY WITH THE GROUP:
5) EVERY WEEK COULD BE THE BEST GENRE MOVIE YOU’LL SEE ALL YEAR
DO NOT MISTAKE WHAT COMMUNITY DOES AS MERE “REFERENCES” (THOUGH THERE ARE A SHIT TON OF THOSE TOO). THE SHOW DELVES INTO DIFFERENT GENRES FOR ENTIRE EPISODES, TRANSCENDING WHAT MAKES THOSE GENRES UNIQUE AND USING THEM TO COMMENT ON THEIR OWN CHARACTERS/STORIES/IDEALS. NO TV SHOW HAS EVER EVEN COME CLOSE TO DOING THIS AS WELL. ALREADY, THEY HAVE SUCCESSFULLY INTEGRATED THE FOLLOWING GENRES: MOB MOVIES, ACTION FILMS (“MODERN WARFARE” CANDIDATE FOR ONE OF THE BEST EPISODES OF TV EVER), CONSPIRACIES, WESTERNS, ZOMBIE MOVIES, CHRISTMAS CLAY-MATION SPECIALS, DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS (TOLD WITH LOTR STYLIZATION EVEN THOUGH IT’S JUST ALL OF THEM SITTING AROUND A TABLE TALKING. IT’S PERFECT), BOTTLE EPISODES, A TV CLIP SHOW MADE OUT OF ENTIRELY NEW MATERIAL, A PULP FICTION/MY DINNER WITH ANDRE MASH-UP, APOLLO 13, 2001, AND COUNTLESS, COUNTLESS OTHERS.
5) ABED
DANNY PUDI PLAYS ABED, THE SHOW’S BREAKOUT CHARACTER. HE SPENDS MUCH OF THE FIRST SEASON AS CONDUIT FOR META COMMENTARY AND DEADPAN SEMI-ASPERGIAN WIT, BUT THE SHOW SLOWLY, SOMEHOW MANAGES TO TURN THAT SEEMINGLY LIMITED PERSONALITY INTO OF THE MOST LOVABLE PEOPLE ON TELEVISION. WON’T LINK TO ANYTHING BECAUSE IT’S NOT WORTH RUINING IT.
6) DONALD GLOVER
DONALD GLOVER IS SO FREAKING TALENTED IT IS KIND OF NOT FAIR. SERIOUSLY, NOT ONLY WAS HE ON THE FOREFRONT OF INTERNET SKETCH COMEDY WITH DERRICK COMEDY, HE THEN WROTE FOR 30 ROCK’S FIRST 3 (AND BEST) SEASONS. THEN HE GOT A LEAD IN THIS AMAZING SITCOM (A ROLE TRANSFORMS BRILLIANTLY OVER THE COURSE OF THE SHOW). AND NOW GUESS WHAT? HE IS SIMULTANEOUSLY TOURING UNDER HIS HIP HOP ALTER EGO CHILDISH GAMBINO… AND DOUBLE GUESS WHAT? HE’S FREAKING REALLY, REALLY GOOD... IT’S KIND OF RIDICULOUS.
7) IT IS BETTER THAN THE BIG BANG THEORY
YOU LIKE NERDY THINGS? HULK LIKE NERDY THINGS TOO. WHO DOESN’T THESE DAYS? THE PROBLEM IS THAT EVERY WEEK THE BIG BANG THEORY MANAGES TO DESTROY COMMUNITY IN THE RATINGS. THIS IS A HUGE PROBLEM BECAUSE, WHILE THE BIG BANG THEORY IS WELL MEANING, HAS SOME LIKEABLE ACTORS ,AND DOES TECHNICALLY REFERENCE “STUFF” THAT HULK LIKES, THE SHOW IS 1) NOT THAT FUNNY 2) SAFE 3) CLOYING AND 4) A PRETTY BULLSHIT TREATMENT OF NERDS/NERD CULTURE. SERIOUSLY, IT’S PATRONIZING BULLSHIT. MEANWHILE, COMMUNITY MANAGES TO EXPLORE MANY OF THE SAME THINGS IN A FAR MORE PROFOUND WAY AND TREAT PEOPLE LIKE ACTUAL HUMAN BEINGS EXISTING IN A WORLD WITH OTHER HUMAN BEINGS (EVEN WHEN SHIT GETS CRAZY). THE BIG BANG THEORY IS A DINOSAUR STRAIGHT FROM THE MIND OF 80’S NERDISM.
EVIDENCE:
8 ) CHEVY CHASE PLAYS AN OLD RACIST MAN
REPEAT: CHEVY CHASE PLAYS AN OLD RACIST MAN.
NO OTHER INFORMATION NECESSARY.
9) YVETTE NICOLE BROWN PLAYS SHIRLEY, THE MOST UNDERREPRESENTED CHARACTER ON TV
YVETTE PLAYS A YOUNG, BLACK, CHRISTIAN MOTHER INTEGRATED INTO A GROUP OF PEOPLE WHO ARE TECHNICALLY NOTHING LIKE HER, TECHNICALLY CAN’T UNDERSTAND HER, AND YET THE SHOW COMPLETELY UNDERSTANDS HOW TO TREAT THAT DYNAMIC HONESTLY. YOU SEE, COMMUNITY DOES NOT USE SHIRLEY TO CRAM IN ANY HAM-FISTED IDEAS ABOUT RACE OR RELIGION. SHE IS NOT A MOUTHPIECE FOR ANYTHING, NOR MEANT TO REPRESENT ANYTHING. NOR DOES IT HAPLESSLY APE HER IDENTITY FOR COMEDY PURPOSES (AND ANY TIME IT DOES SO ARE GENIAL/LIGHT, OR PIERCE RELATED). NO, WHAT THE SHOW WANTS MOST OF ALL WITH SHIRLEY IS TO UNDERSTAND HER AND RELATE IN AS NON-CLOYING WAY AS POSSIBLE. HULK CONSIDERS THIS A TINY REVOLUTION IN TERMS OF TELEVISION’S USUAL STANCE. DAN HARMON REGULARLY ADMITS HE WOULD NOT KNOW HOW TO WRITE/REPRESENT SHIRLEY, AND SO HE MAKES THE SHOW ABOUT BOTH HOW THE CHARACTERS LEARN HOW TO RELATE TO HER, HOW TO RESPECT HER,AND MORE IMPORTANTLY HOW SHE MAKES DUE WITH THIS KIND OF EXISTENCE. SHE IS, OF COURSE, JUST A PERSON LIKE EVERYONE ELSE ON THE SHOW. YVETTE CLEARLY BRINGS SO DAMN MUCH TO THE ROLE, BUT THERE IS A KIND OF CULTURAL HONESTY AT PLAY WITH HER/SHIRLEY THAT IS FAR TOO RARE IN MEDIA THESE DAYS. OH AND IDENTITY POLITICS ASIDE, YVETTE IS A HILARIOUS WITH AMAZING RANGE AND CONTROL. WATCH:
AND WHEN THE SHOW DOES TACKLE RACE? IT OFTEN LOOKS MORE LIKE THIS:
10) KEN JEONG
AFTER HIS BRILLIANT TYRANNY IN SEASON 1, THEY HAVEN’T REALLY FIGURED OUT WHAT TO WITH HIM BUT THAT’S FINE. HE’S PLAYING A SPECIAL KIND OF BATSHIT THAT TRANSLATES BEAUTIFULLY AS PERHAPS THE BEST “JUST OFF FRAME” / “CUT TO” CHARACTER IN TV TODAY. EVIDENCE:
11) JIM RASH
IT IS A TESTAMENT TO JIM RASH’S ABILITY THAT HE IS NOW A PART OF THE MAIN CAST. HE PLAYS THE DEAN OF GREENDALE… JOHN GOODMAN CALLED HIM PANSEXUAL IN THE MOST RECENT EPISODE… THAT’S PROBABLY THE BEST DESCRIPTION. HE GETS BETTER AND BETTER WITH EVERY EPISODE. HULK’S FAVORITE MOMENT IS WHEN HE STEALS THE JEFF WINGER “COOL CAT” POSTER.
12) JOEL MCFUCKINGCHALE
COMMUNITY IS A TRUE ENSEMBLE, BUT THE GROUPS “LEADER” IS A DISGRACED LAWYER TRYING TO EARN A NOT-FAKE DEGREE. AND HE’S PLAYED BY ONE OF THE FUNNIEST PEOPLE ON THE PLANET: JOEL MCHALE. THERE IS PERHAPS NO ONE BETTER AT VOCAL INFLECTION, POINTED BARBS, AND DEFTLY WOVEN COMIC NARRATIVE THEN MCHALE. FYI, COMIC NARRATIVE IS WHEN YOU CAN EXTEND A SINGLE NUGGET OF AN IDEA/JOKE INTO A LARGER “NARRATIVE” OF A SINGLE SCENE/LINE/EXCHANGE . YES, IT’S IN THE WRITING BUT IT REALLY TAKES CERTAIN KIND OF PERFORMERS TO PULL IT OFF. LIKE THIS:
STILL, THE SHOW IS NEVER AFRAID TO PUT JEFF IN THE BACKGROUND WHEN NEEDED (ONE OF IT’S STRENGTHS) BUT IT WHEN IT PUTS HIS BEST SKILLS ON THE FOREFRONT? PERFECT COMBINATION OF CHARACTER/ACTOR. HERE IS THE FIRST OF HIS NOW-FAMOUS COMMUNITY “SPEECHES” FROM THE PILOT.
13) BECAUSE IF YOU DON’T WATCH IT WE HAVE FAILED AS A CULTURE
AS LITTLE AS TWELVE YEARS AGO, THE FUNNIEST AND BEST SHOWS WERE ALSO THE MOST WATCHED. SERIOUSLY. THE SIMPSONS? SEINFELD? BOTH DOMINATED. NOW THERE ARE CERTAIN REASONS THAT ALL RATINGS NUMBERS ARE DIPPING (MORE FRACTURED AUDIENCES, DVRS, PEOPLE WATCHING IN OTHER WAYS) BUT THAT DOES NOT NEARLY ACCOUNT FOR THE NUMBERS COMMUNITY IS EXHIBITING. FOR ALL PEOPLE’S B.S. TALK OF THE SHOW BEING TOO “META” OR INSULAR OR WEIRD, THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING DIFFERENT GOING ON FROM THE SIMPSONS OR SEINFELD. NONE. HELL, IT’S NOT EVEN COMING CLOSE TO THE MILE A MINUTE PACE AND CONSTANT REFERENCES OF THE SIMPSONS. THE ARGUMENT THAT IT IS SOMEHOW A CASE OF AVERSIONARY CONTENT HOLDING THE SHOW BACK, MAKES ABSOLUTELY NO DAMN SENSE.
SO WHAT THIS IS COMES DOWN TO IS THIS: YOU ARE NOT WATCHING IT BECAUSE YOU DO NOT REALIZE HOW MUCH YOU WILL END UP LOVING IT. SIMPLE AS THAT.
REALLY IT IS.
WHY? BECAUSE THAT’S HOW IT WAS FOR HULK.
THE FIRST SEASON ENDED AND HULK HADN’T WATCHED IT. OH HULK WAS STILL BUSY “SORT OF” WATCHING THE OFFICE AND DIDN’T “HAVE TIME” FOR COMMUNITY. ESPECIALLY SINCE HULK HAD WATCHED THE PILOT, WHICH WAS SOLID BUT NOT ENOUGH TO KEEP HULK COMING BACK (IN RETROSPECT, IT WAS BRILLIANT SET UP). IT BASICALLY TOOK A FRIEND’S INSTANCE THAT THE SHOW ABSOLUTELY HAD TO BE WATCHED. THEY DEMANDED. SO HULK GAVE IN AND NETFLIXED THE FIRST SEASON.
… HULK FINISHED IT IN 52 HOURS.
THEN HULK WATCHED THE SECOND SEASON AS IT AIRED AND WAS DELIGHTED BY THE FACT IT WORKS BEAUTIFULLY AS A WEEK-TO-WEEK SHOW TOO.
IT IS SIMPLY THE BEST COMEDY ON TV.
BUT SOMETHING HAS HAPPENED… WE’VE STOPPED WATCHING THE BEST COMEDIES ON TV… AND WE NEED TO CORRECT IT…. DESPERATELY.
YOU ARE OUT OF EXCUSES UNIVERSE.
SO FUCKING STOP IT.
WATCH THE SHOW OR HULK WILL SMASH YOUR ASS.
❤ HULK
P.S.! – BONUS TRIVIA FOR A FREE DVD OF COMMUNITY SEASON 1: WHILE THE TONE OF THE SHOW IS A BIT MADCAP, DAN HARMON FREQUENTLY CITES CHEERS AS A MAIN INFLUENCE ON THE SHOW. IN THAT SPIRIT THE FIRST PERSON TO ANSWER THESE FOUR QUESTIONS IN THE COMMENTS BELOW AND HAS NOT SEEN COMMUNITY BUT WANTS TO WILL BE SENT A FREE SEASON 1 COMMUNITY DVD BY HULK.
SO HERE GOES (IN ASCENDING DIFFICULTY): 1) WHAT WAS NORM’S WIFE NAME?
2) WHAT WAS THE NAME OF THE RESTAURANT ABOVE THE BAR?
3) WHO PLAYED THE CONMAN “HARRY THE HAT” AND WHAT OTHER POPULAR SITCOM DID HE GO ON TO STAR IN?
4) NAME THE TWO ITEMS THAT CLIFF CLAVIN KARATE CHOPS IN A DEMONSTRATION OF HIS MARTIAL ARTS ABILITIES? AND WHO CARRIES HIM UP THE STAIRS AFTERWARDS?
SOMETIMES IT’S NOT FAIR TO ADORE DAVID CRONENBERG… SPECIFICALLY TO DAVID CRONENBERG.
SEE, FOR THOSE OF US WHO LOVE EVERYTHING HE’S EVER DONE: HIS BODY HORROR, HIS TRANSCENDENT WORK IN THE FLY AND DEAD RINGERS, HIS CAR CRASH SEX EPIC, HIS SO-CALLED ARTISTIC “FAILURES”, HIS RECENT ACTION/DRAMA OUTPUT, HIS SENSE OF KUBRICKIAN CONTROL, HIS ECONOMY, HIS CAPACITY TO SHOWCASE UNCANNY VIOLENCE, HIS ABILITY TO BALANCE TONE, HIS ABILITY TO BE SIMPLY BE UNIQUE…
… IT CAN BE HARD FOR US WHEN HE JUST MAKES A GREAT, REGULAR MOVIE.
WHICH IS, OBVIOUSLY, SUPER UNFAIR TO HIM.
OH THERE’S REASONS THAT TOTALLY MAKE SENSE FOR CRONENBERG TO DIRECT A DANGEROUS METHOD. BUT THE FILM IS NOT THAT CRONENBERG-Y EVEN THOUGH IT’S TALKING ABOUT CRONENBERG-Y THINGS (IF THAT MAKES SENSE). DESPITE THE NATURE OF THE CONVERSATIONS AND THE OCCASIONAL GLIMPSE OF S+ M SEXY-TIME, IT’S THOROUGHLY RESERVED IN PRESENTATION AND TONE. THE PROBLEM IS CRONENBERG USUALLY USES RESERVATION AS BUILD UP BEFORE THESE MOMENTS OF UNRESTRAINED CHAOS AND THE ABJECT WEIRDNESS HE FAMOUS FOR… BUT THOSE MOMENTS NEVER REALLY COME. WHICH MEANS THE FILM IS SOMETHING ELSE. IT’S TALKY. IT’S PERIODY. IT’S HISTORICALLY ACCURATE. IT’S LOW-ENERGY. IT’S SORT OF CRONENBERG’S VERSION OF AN MERCHANT-IVORY PIECE.
BUT IT IS ALSO VERY, VERY GOOD. DO NOT THINK OTHERWISE.
THE PAST FEW YEARS WE’VE SLOWLY BEEN SEEING HIS TRANSITION FROM DAVID CRONENBERG, MAKER OF THE SHOCKINGLY UNIQUE, TO DAVID CRONENBERG, SERIOUS FILMMAKER. THIS IS NOT TO IMPLY HIS EARLIER FILMS WERE NOT “SERIOUS” BUT THE POINT IS YOU COULD SHOW NAKED LUNCH TO A REGULAR PERSON AND FREAK THE-LIVING-FUCK OUT OF THEM AND NOW HE’S MAKING THE KINDS OF MOVIES THAT PROBABLY WON’T. THIS IS OKAY FOR HIS FANS THOUGH BECAUSE HE’S STILL IMBUING HIS STYLE, CONTROL, AND “CRONENBERGNESS” INTO THESE MORE TRADITIONAL NARRATIVES. MORE IMPORTANTLY, IT TOTALLY WORKS.
BUT A DANGEROUS METHOD IS SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT. IT IS CERTAINLY A CONTINUATION OF THAT EVOLUTION AND THE TAMEST FILM HE’S EVER MADE, BUT THERE IS AN INTERESTING WAY THAT HE IS SHOWING US SOMETHING NEW:
A DANGEROUS METHOD IS ONE OF THE DRIEST COMEDIES YOU WILL EVER SEE.
VIGGO MORTENSEN, HULK SHIT YOU NOT, IS HILARIOUS AS SIGMUND FREUD. WATCHING HIM HULK REALIZED WE’VE NEVER REALLY SEEN MORTENSEN HAVE A WHOLLY COMIC ROLE BEFORE. KEEP IN MIND HE’S NOT DOING PRATFALLS OR ANYTHING- WAIT, NO THERE’S TOTALLY A PRATFALL, HULK TAKE THAT BACK… BUT THE POINT IS HE’S NOT DOING BROAD COMEDY. THIS IS DRY COMEDY. DEADPAN STARES, UNDERSTATED EXHIBITIONS OF GLARING EGO AND JEALOUSY, QUIET SHIFTS IN CONVERSATION ALWAYS COMING BACK TO THE PENIS. HULK READILY ADMITS THAT FAMILIARITY WITH FREUD IS ALMOST NECESSARY TO GET A LOT OF WHAT’S FUNNY ABOUT THE PERFORMANCE, BUT VIGGO AT ONCE DELIVERS SOMETHING THAT IS ORGANIC AND HUMAN AND YET SOMETHING THAT WHOLLY COMMENTS ON THIS LARGER-THAN-LIFE FIGURE. IT’S SMART, HILARIOUS AND MAYBE HULK’S FAVORITE PERFORMANCE OF THE YEAR.
MICHAEL FASSBENDER IS JUST AS GOOD. HIS CARL JUNG ALSO GETS MILEAGE OUT OF KNOWING ABOUT A LOT ABOUT THE EQUALLY LARGER-THAN-LIFE FIGURE, BUT THE PORTRAIT OF HIM AS A YOUNGER MAN IS FASCINATING: COMPASSIONATE, IDEALIST, YET REPRESSED, ACUTELY UNAWARE. THE COMPLETE PORTRAIT OF THE HYPOCRISY OF THE WELL-INTENTIONED MAN. BUT HE IS ALSO, YES, RATHER FUNNY. FASSBENDER MANAGES TO EVOKE LAUGHS FROM THE SIMPLEST AWKWARD BACK AND FORTHS WITH HIS WIFE, THE PLAYFUL ENTRANCES AND EXITS INTO ROOMS, AND THE WAY HE SERVES HIMSELF DINNER. WE’VE KNOWN FASSBENDER IS THE REAL DEAL FOR A FEW YEARS NOW, BUT IN THIS FILM WE GET YET ANOTHER WHOLLY DIFFERENT AUGMENTATION OF HIS SO-CALLED PERSONA. HIS RANGE SEEMS LIMITLESS.
KEIRA KNIGHTLEY IS A DIFFERENT SITUATION AND PROVIDES HULK AN OPPORTUNITY TO TALK ABOUT A WEIRD ISSUE THAT COMES UP WHEN PEOPLE DISCUSS PERFORMANCE:
THERE IS THIS FREQUENT CRITICAL COMMENT WHERE SOMEONE SAYS THEY “COULDN’T GET PAST” THE ACTOR TO SEE THE CHARACTER. HULK IS ALWAYS SORT OF SUSPICIOUS OF THIS COMMENT BECAUSE IT REEKS OF THINGS LIKE BIAS AND NOT UNDERSTANDING WHAT “ACTING” IS EVEN ABOUT. BUT FOR THE FIRST TIME IN YEARS, HULK SORT OF FELT THAT WAY. PLEASE UNDERSTAND, IT’S NOT SOMETHING LIKE HULK LOOKS AT HER SEES ELIZABETH SWANN EVERYTIME. IF FACT, HULK THOUGHT SHE ACTUALLY WONDERFUL IN ATONEMENT, BUT WITH THIS PERFORMANCE SPECIFICALLY THERE IS SOMETHING THAT DOESN’T TRANSLATE. WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO REALIZE IS IT’S NOT BECAUSE SHE IS SIMPLY “KEIRA KNIGHTLEY.” THAT WOULD BE WRONG ON EVERY CRITICAL LEVEL. EVEN IF HULK FELT LIKE HULK CAN’T GET PAST THE ACTOR, IT IS ALWAYS A MATTER OF SOMETHING ELSE MORE NUANCED. WHETHER IT IS A COMBINATION OF THE ACCENT OR DISTANCE HULK FELT FROM HER, HULK CANNOT LET THE AMBIGUITY FOR HULK’S REASONS MAKE IT COME SO HULK DEFAULTS TO SAYING SHE “MISCAST” OR SOMETHING.(1) HULK PROBABLY WAGER THAT IT IS MOST LIKELY THE FACT THAT MORTENSEN AND FASSBENDER ARE ABLE TO TELL THE EMOTIONAL STORY OF THE FILM WITH DEADPAN STARES AND LONGING EYES, WHILE KNIGHTLY HAS TO VERBALIZE HER TRAUMA/DRAMA/ID. AND EVEN STILL, THE PROBLEMS OF THE PERFORMANCE ARE NOT FROM LACK OF COURAGE. SHE THROWS HERSELF IN FULLY AND THAT IS MORE THAN ADMIRABLE.
BUT ANY PERFORMANCE SHORTCOMINGS ARE MADE UP BY THE FACT THAT HER CHARACTER, SABINA SPIELREIN, IS A REAL PERSON OF STUNNING HISTORICAL IMPACT AND ALL TOGETHER FASCINATING. IT IS INCONCEIVABLE TO HULK THAT HULK COULD KNOW SO MUCH ABOUT FREUD AND JUNG AND YET NOT KNOW OF SABINA AND HER INCREDIBLE IMPACT ON BOTH FIGURES, AS WELL AS HER IMPACT ON THE FIELD OF PSYCHOLOGY AT LARGE. THE FILM IS WORTH PRICE OF ADMISSION ALONE FOR THE HISTORICAL ILLUMINATION AND DOUBLES AS A GREAT COMMENT OF FEMINISM.
THUS, A DANGEROUS METHOD IS WORTH DOUBLE THE PRICE OF ADMISSION TO SEE CRONENBERG USE THIS HISTORICAL PRECEDENCE TO ALSO MAKE SOMETHING THAT IS ALSO WEIRDLY HILARIOUS. WHAT DOES A CRONENBERG HISTORI-COMEDY LOOK LIKE? SORT OF LIKE THE COEN BROTHERS MIXED WHATEVER MAKES TAYLOR HACKFORD MOVIES FUNNY…. HULK HAS NO IDEA WHAT THAT MEANS… THE POINT IS THAT THE EFFECT IS INTERESTING BUT NOT REVOLUTIONARY. AND PLEASE KEEP IN MIND THE FILM IS ALSO VERY SERIOUS AND OFTEN SAD. DON’T EXPECT WALL TO WALL LAUGHS, LIKE AT ALL, IT’S JUST THE COMEDIC ASPECTS STAND OUT TO HULK. IT’S FUNNY THE WAY KAFKA IS FUNNY.
SO REALLY THE ONLY LINGERING QUESTION IS HOW TO ACCEPT THIS CONSTANT EVOLUTION OF CRONENBERG, A FILMMAKER WHO DOES SOMETHING THAT IS SO PARTICULAR SO WONDERFULLY AND NOW HE HAPPENS TO BE DOING LESS AND LESS OF IT.
HULK AND HIS FANS DESPERATELY WANT TO SEE THE STRANGE THINGS THAT ENDEARED HIM TO OUR HEARTS AND INSTEAD? HE’S JUST INTERESTED IN DOING DIFFERENT THINGS.
WE STILL COOL, IT’S JUST PART OF THE PROBLEM OF ADORING CRONENBERG.
❤ HULK
ENDNOTES!
(1) THERE GREAT RECENT EXAMPLE OF SAYING CHRISTINA HENDRICKS MISCAST IN DRIVE. THIS IS INSANE. THERE IS A VERY, VERY SPECIFIC REASON SHE WAS CAST IN THAT ROLE AND HULK ARGUE IT HAS A HUGE EFFECT ON THE MOVIE. HULK WON’T SAY CAUSE IT SPOILER-Y. AND ATTENTION PERVERTS: IT’S NOT HER BOOBS.
RANDOM TRUE STORY: HULK’S FRIEND ONCE CREATED/T.A.’D A COLLEGIATE FILM STUDIES CLASS CALLED “IT CAME FROM CANADA! THE WORK OF DAVID CRONENBERG” WHICH QUITE SIMPLY HAS TO BE THE GREATEST NAME FOR A CLASS EVER.
HULK JUST FOUND OUT THAT JOHN SINGLETON DIRECTED ABDUCTION LIKE 5 SECONDS AGO.
THIS IS CONFUSING. WHY?
BECAUSE JOHN SINGLETON DIRECTED A WHOLE BUNCH CULTURALLY IMPORTANT FILMS OF THE 90’S, FILMS ON THE SUBJECT MODERN AFRICAN-AMERICANS AND THEIR PLACE IN AMERICAN CULTURE: THE INCREDIBLE BOYZ IN THE HOOD IS THE STANDOUT, BUT EVEN POETIC JUSTICE, HIGHER LEARNING, AND THE PERIOD PIECE ROSEWOOD ARE DRIPPING WITH TOPICALITY. AFTER THAT HE SHIFTED AWAY FROM BEING DIRECTLY TOPICAL TOWARD “BIGGER” MORE GENRE-INCLINED FILMS LIKE SHAFT, BABY BOY, AND THE (WONDERFULLY HOMOEROTIC) 2 FAST 2 FURIOUS. WHILE THEY MIGHT NOT BE AS “IMPORTANT” FILMS AIMING FOR HIGHER-BROW IDEAS, THERE IS STILL A CLEAR PRESENCE OF THE “AFRICAN-AMERICAN VOICE” OR “REPRESENTATION” IN THESE FILMS. HECK, EVEN IN FOUR BROTHERS IT STILL COMES ACROSS.
AND THEN THERE IS ABDUCTION…. ONE OF THESE THINGS IS NOT LIKE THE OTHER.
TO BE VERY,VERY FAIR, HULK HASN’T SEEN IT. BUT BASED ON TRAILERS AND THE FILM’S CLEAR CULTURAL IDENTITY (TEEN ACTION VEHICLE STARING LEAD FROM POPULAR TWEEN GIRL MOVIE SERIES) IT IS CLEAR THAT THE FILM IS ABOUT AS LILY-WHITE AND NOT-CULTURALLY-SIGNIFICANT AS IT GETS (NOTE: HULK CHOSE THE WORDS “LILY-WHITE” KNOWING THE STRONG IMPLICATION OF THE LANGUAGE).
BUT HERE’S HULK’S QUESTION: DOES THIS EVEN MATTER?
HULK HAS HAD A COLUMN IDEA LONG-GESTATING ON THIS VERY SUBJECT, SO HULK GUESS A QUICK EVALUATION THAT POSITS A QUESTION INSTEAD OF AN ANSWER IS WAY BETTER FOR WHAT WE WANT TO DO HERE.
SO WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH JOHN SINGLETON DIRECTING ABDUCTION?
IS HE SELLING OUT? IS IT THAT IT JUST LOOKS LIKE A TERRIBLE MOVIE? SHOULD HE HAVE TO MAKE THE FILMS WE WANT HIM TO MAKE? IS HE “LETTING DOWN” AFRICAN-AMERICAN CULTURE?
IT’S NOT LIKE RACIAL PROBLEMS HAVE JUST GONE AWAY IN OUR SOCIETY AND WE SHOULD IGNORE THE SUBJECT. IF ANYTHING, THIS “POST-RACIAL” GLOSS OF THE WHOLE SUBJECT IS VERY PROBLEMATIC IN ITS OWN WAY. IT IS THIS REASON (AMONG MANY) THAT HULK STILL ADORES SPIKE LEE BECAUSE ALL HIS FILMS ARE STILL HEAVILY IMBUED WITH THE LANGUAGE AND AESTHETICS OF RACE. EVEN A GREAT HEIST MOVIE LIKE INSIDE MAN HAS ALL THESE WONDERFUL, COMPLEX THINGS TO SAY ABOUT THE CULTURAL MELTING POT OF NEW YORK AND IT DOES IT IN AN ENTERTAINING AND FUNNY WAY.
BUT WHY SHOULD HULK REQUIRE THIS SAME THING OF SINGLETON? AND BY EXTENSION ALL AFRICAN AMERICAN FILMMAKERS?
AWHILE AGO, HULK HAD A GREAT CONVERSATION WITH AN AFRICAN-AMERICAN FRIEND/FILM-MAJOR (AND YES HULK AWARE THAT CALLING SOMEONE THEIR “AFRICAN-AMERICAN FRIEND” IS PATRONIZING, BUT IT’S DIRECTLY RELATED TO THE SUBJECT) ON THE VERY TOPIC OF WHAT HE CALLED “THE CULTURAL DUTY AND RESPONSIBILITY OF A BLACK FILMMAKER” AND SPECIFICALLY IF HE FELT THAT RESPONSIBILITY.
HE DIDN’T AT ALL.
FRIEND: “Hulk. I love Spike Lee. But I don’t think that’s what Spike Lee was arguing that everyone should be making these films about the cultural state of Black America. That’s what he was interested in and that’s what he’s amazing at. But for what he might want for me? Or more importantly, what I want for me? I want to make WOLVERINE (this was way before even X2). I love genre stuff. I want to make, and be allowed to make films that I love that have nothing to do with the fact that I’m black. And if they do have to do have that affectation? It will just be a natural thing because of my life and perspective. It won’t be overt.”
MEANING JOHN SINGLETON SHOULD HAVE EVERY FUCKING RIGHT IN THE WORLD TO MAKE ABDUCTION AND EVERYTHING IT MAY COUNTER-INTUITIVELY REPRESENT. IT’S AS SIMPLE AS “HE SHOULD HAVE THE RIGHT BECAUSE HE IS A GOOD DIRECTOR.”
THERE IS A WAY THAT THIS IS ALL OBVIOUS, BUT IT IS IMPORTANT TO NOTE JUST HOW OFTEN THIS OBVIOUSNESS DOES NOT COME TO FRUITION. PARTIALLY BECAUSE THE IMPLIED SOLUTION IS THAT THERE SHOULD BE LARGE GROUPS OF AFRICAN-AMERICAN FILMMAKERS MAKING BIG BUDGET HOLLYWOOD FARE, AND JUST AS MANY MAKING PROVOCATIVE FILMS ABOUT RACE… AND RIGHT NOW THERE IS NEITHER. THUS WE LOOK TO PEOPLE LIKE SINGLETON AND LEE TO SOMEHOW SATISFY BOTH RESPONSIBILITIES AT ONCE.
THE “SHOULD BE” CUTS TO THE HEART OF A YOUNG AFRICAN-AMERICAN FILMMAKER BOTH WAYS: AS ODDLY DANGEROUS AS GLOSSING OVER RACIAL TOPICALITY IN THE NAME OF “POST-RACIAL” SOCIETY IS, YOU RUN THE EQUALLY DANGEROUS POSSIBILITY OF CONFINING THEM TO FEEL DUTY BOUND TO “TALK” RACE.
IT’S A PARADOX. WHAT DO YOU ALL THINK?
PERHAPS HULK’S BIGGEST/ONLY POINT IS THAT IF YOU LEAVE IT TO WHITE PEOPLE TO MAKE FILMS ABOUT RACE THEN WE GET PAUL HAGGIS’S CRASH.
NOTE: WARNING FOR THE LITERAL MINDED, IGNORANCE IS NOT ACTUALLY BLISS. IN FACT, IGNORANCE IS ACTUALLY BAD WHEN COMES TO THE FOLLOWING: KNOWING IF YOU HAVE EARLY STAGE CANCER, VOTING, ATTEMPTING HOME REPAIR, KNOWING IF THAT MILK IS PAST-DUE, ENGAGING IN ANY SORT OF COHERENT DISCUSSION, THE EXISTENCE OF [INSERT TOTALLY AWESOME BAND HERE], AND WHICH OF THOSE SPIDERS ARE POISONOUS, YES THE ONES RIGHT FREAKING THERE!
BUT WHEN IT COMES TO GOING TO THE MOVIES AND ASSUMING EVERYTHING IS ALL FINE AND DANDY WITH THE PROJECTION SO THAT YOU CAN JUST SIT BACK, RELAX, AND ENJOY A MOVIE, THEN YES…
IGNORANCE IS TOTALLY BLISS.
WHEN YOU KNOW A BUNCH ABOUT THEATER PROJECTION (HULK NEVER ACTUALLY WORKED IN ONE. HULK IS JUST, YOU KNOW, A NERD) YOU WILL LIKELY BE ASSAULTED WITH A BEVY OF VERY STUPID TECHNICAL ISSUES. THESE DAYS, HULK PRETTY GOOD ABOUT STAYING OUT OF THEATERS THAT ARE CARELESS WITH THIS STUFF, BUT EVEN THE BEST WILL HAVE THEIR MINOR ISSUES.
EXAMPLE OF HULK’S INNER DIALOGUE: “THE FRAME LOOKS AN INCH TOO HIGH ON THE SCREEN… SHOULD HULK SAY SOMETHING? THAT NOT THAT BIG A DEAL. BESIDES, HULK’S IN THE MIDDLE, GETTING OUT COULD BE AWKWARD. GOD HULK CAN’T WAIT TO STOP THINKING ABOUT THE FRAME BEING AN INCH TOO HIGH [GRUMBLE, GRUMBLE] WHOA, THAT GUY IN THE 3RD ROW LOOKS LIKE MANDY PATINKIN.”
… THIS HAPPENS A BUNCH. SOMETIMES YOU SAY THINGS TO THE THEATER MANAGEMENT. SOMETIMES YOU DON’T. IT LARGELY DEPENDS ON YOUR ENERGY LEVEL/NOT WANTING TO SEEM LIKE A PRICK/YOUR SIZING UP OF THE COMPETENCY OF THE USHER.
PLEASE UNDERSTAND THAT HULK IS NOT LOOKING TO FIND PROBLEMS WITH THINGS. THERE IS NOTHING MORE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD HULK WANTS THAN TO JUST GO TO THE MOVIES AND EVERYTHING BE AWESOME, SO THAT HULK CAN SIT BACK AND HAVE A WHOLLY VISCERAL AND THRILLING EXPERIENCE. THE LAST THING HULK WANTS TO THINK IS “I’M IN A THEATER RIGHT NOW.” REALLY, HULK WANTS WHAT WE ALL WANT.
THE MOVIE THEATER SUPPOSEDLY PRIDES ITSELF ON PROJECTION AND THESE SORTS OF TECHNICAL ISSUES, AND THIS IS, FOR ALL INTENTS AND PURPOSES, A BIG ONE.
MEANING IT WAS A FRONT SPEAKER, ON THE LEFT SIDE OF THE SCREEN, SO THE DIALOGUE WAS WAY, WAY LOW. NORMALLY HULK WOULD JUST LEAVE IF THIS THE CASE AND SEE THE FILM IN DIFFERENT SHOWING (THIS SADLY, THE EASIEST OPTION IN MOST CASES), BUT GIVEN HULK’S SCHEDULE RIGHT NOW THERE WAS SIMPLY NO OTHER TIME OR WAY HULK WOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO SEE THE DARN MOVIE. THEREFORE, HULK WENT TO TELL AN USHER, WHICH AGAIN, AT THIS THEATER YOU ARE TOTALLY ENCOURAGED TO DO.
CONVERSATION GO LIKE THIS:
HULK: “HI. SORRY. I’M PRETTY YOU HAVE A BLOWN SPEAKER, THE FRONT SCREEN-SIDE LEFT. THE DIALOGUE IS WAY, WAY TOO LOW.”
USHER: “Oh no sometimes trailers have different volumes.”
HULK: “NO. SORRY, THAT NOT WHAT HULK SAYING. HULK PRETTY SURE THE SPEAKER’S BLOWN.”
USHER: “Um. Well… let’s see… [LONG SILENCE].”
HULK: MOST THEATERS HAVE REPLACEMENT SPEAKERS CAUSE IT HAPPENS LOT. YOU SHOULD TELL THE PROJECTIONIST. A LOT OF TIMES THEY CAN EVEN BE REPLACED MID-MOVIE.” (NOTE: THIS LARGELY DEPENDS ON YOUR ELECTRICAL RIGGING AND WHETHER YOU CAN ISOLATE CURRENT TO A SPEAKER TO SHUT IT DOWN FOR REPAIR. MOST OF THE TIME YOU CAN. SOMETIMES YOU CAN’T. AND DEPENDING ON SPEAKER SIZE THEY HAVE TO CALL IN TECHNICIANS SO THAT COULD DELAY TOO.)
USHER: “Sounds okay to me though.”
HULK: “HULK THINK IT’S JUST CAUSE YOU’RE STANDING ON THE EDGE BY THE WALL SPEAKERS, IF YOU COME 10 FEET OVER TO WHERE PEOPLE SITTING IT COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. HULK CAN POINT TO SPEAKER THAT BROKEN.”
SHITTY DIAGRAM FOR HOME AUDIENCE! (SERIOUSLY THERE'S A PROBLEM WHEN YOU TRY TO FIND MOVIE THEATER SCHEMATICS ONLINE AND THEY GIVE YOU NOTHING BUT STUFF FOR HOME THEATER SPEAKERS. UGH)
USHER: “Okay, Thank you sir I’ll tell the projectionist.”
NEEDLESS TO SAY IT NOT REPLACED AND HULK PRETTY SURE, LIKE A GAME OF TELEPHONE, THE MESSAGE WAS GARBLED (OR EVEN CONVEYED).
BUT AGAIN, HULK JUST MADE DUE AND LUCKILY DRIVE IS THE KIND OF MOVIE WHERE THERE’S BARELY A WORD SAID AND ALL THE OTHER AMBIENT SOUND TELLS THE STORY. AFTER FIVE MINUTES HULK WAS EVEN ABLE TO TRICK HULK’S BRAIN INTO THINKING IT A DELIBERATE CHOICE TO MAKE AN UBER QUIET MOVIE. AGAIN, HULK USUALLY OKAY AT CREATING THESE SORTS OF MIND GAMES, BECAUSE, WELL MOVIES ARE PROJECTED INCORRECTLY A FUCK TON.
THE KEY IS JUST TO UNDERSTAND HOW THEY AFFECT WHAT YOU SEEING.
SO ANYCRAP, AFTER THE MOVIE HULK WENT TO GUEST SERVICES (WHO HULK SHOULD HAVE GONE TO RIGHT AWAY BUT HULK DIDN’T WANT TO MISS A FRAME) AND THE PERSON THERE TOTALLY UNDERSTOOD THE PROBLEM IMMEDIATELY. THEY SAID THEY DIDN’T HEAR ABOUT IT AND WERE VERY SORRY AND WENT TO GO FIX IT.
SO WHY DOES THIS MATTER SO MUCH? BESIDES ESTABLISHING THAT HULK IS EITHER SUPER ANAL ABOUT MOVIE WATCHING OR JUST LOOKS FOR ANY OPPORTUNITY TO TALK ABOUT PROJECTION NUANCE ON THIS BLOG?
BECAUSE SOUND DIRECTLY AFFECTS YOUR EXPERIENCE.
CUT TO A FEW MINUTES EARLIER, AS PEOPLE AS THEY WERE LEAVING SOME GUY IN A IRON MAN T-SHIRT SAID: “The movie was too fucking quiet. Seriously it was shit. How could anyone make a movie like that? I couldn’t hear him talk. Ryan Gosling fucking sucks.”
TO PEOPLE WHO CARE ABOUT PROJECTION, THE STATEMENT IS BOTH HILARIOUS AND SOUL-CRUSHING. THERE IS A WHOLE CREW OF AMAZINGLY TALENTED PEOPLE WHO SPEND MONTHS OF THEIR LIVES TRYING TO ORCHESTRATE EVERY SINGLE DETAIL IN TERMS OF PICTURE AND SOUND AND THEN THEY HAND THEM OFF TO THE THEATERS THAT PRESENT THEM AND ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN.
HULK KNOW THERE A HUGE MOVEMENT OF LATE TO CORRECT PROJECTION WHETHER IT IN REGARDS TO HIGH-VALUE/HIGH COST THEATER CHAINS LIKE THE ALAMO DRAFT HOUSE OFFERING HIGHER STANDARDS, THE APPROPRIATE BULB BRIGHTNESS FOR 3D, OR TERRENCE MALICK WRITING LETTERS, BUT IT JUST ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE IMPORTANT CONVERSATIONS IN MOVIES.
SHOULD THE THEATER TRIED TO DO MORE? (MAYBE) COULD THEY HAVE DONE MORE? (MAYBE) SHOULD THEY HAVE STOPPED THE SCREENING AND REFUNDED EVERYONE? (PROBABLY NOT) SHOULD THE USHERS HAVE REALIZED THE OBVIOUS PROBLEM BEFOREHAND AND FIXED PRE-SCREEENING? (PROBABLY THE BEST SOLUTION?)
HULK KNOW HULK SAID THIS A “HULK SMASH” COLUMN BUT IT NOT REALLY LIKE THAT. HULK JUST LOOKING TO RAISE THE PROFILE OF A CONVERSATION ABOUT NERDY TECHNICAL ISSUES.
IT’S NOT JUST FOR NICOLAS WINDING REFN AND THE HOST OF FILMMAKERS, CINEMATOGRAPHERS, SOUND EDITORS, AND PRODUCTION PEOPLE WHO POURED YEARS OF THEIR LIVES INTO IT AND WOULD HATE TO HEAR STORIES LIKE THIS.
IT’S ABOUT YOU. BECAUSE EVEN IF IT’S A HUGE PAIN IN THE ASS TO BE AWARE OF THIS KIND OF STUFF, BECAUSE WHETHER WE ARE IGNORANT OF IT OR NOT, IT DIRECTLY AFFECTS OUR EXPERIENCE.
GOING INTO THE FILM, THE ONLY THING HULK HAD SEEN WAS THIS CLIP: http://www.festival-cannes.com/en/mediaPlayer/10934.html AND FOR HULK THAT WAS ENOUGH, HULK WAS NOW “IN.” AND GOING OFF THAT CLIP ALONE, HULK WAS READY FOR SOME SERIOUS TAUT FILMMAKING, A WALL-TO-WALL EXHIBITION OF WHAT WE SAW RIGHT THERE. THUS, HULK DIDN’T WATCH THE OTHER TRAILERS. HULK DIDN’T READ ANY REVIEWS. HULK ONLY HEARD THAT GENERAL CONSENSUS WAS THAT PEOPLE EITHER LIKED IT OR LOVED IT. GIVEN THAT LACK OF MEDIA AWARENESS, HULK CAN’T NECESSARILY SPEAK AS TO WHAT OTHERS WERE EXPECTING, BUT IT FAIR TO SAY THAT MOST PEOPLE WERE EXPECTING A WELL-MADE ACTION/CHASE FILM.
THAT’S NOT NECESSARILY WHAT WE GOT.
OH, IT WAS WELL-MADE ALL RIGHT, BUT IT WAS ALSO SOMETHING FAR MORE STRANGE, SILLY, HYPER-VIOLENT, CAUTIOUS, AND OFTEN COUNTER-INTUITIVE.
IN OTHER WORDS, WE GOT SOMETHING WONDERFUL.
PERHAPS HULK WAS A LITTLE FOOLISH. GIVEN THAT NICOLAS WINDING REFN HAD PREVIOUSLY MADE BRONSON AND THAT FILM IS BAT-SHIT INSANE (IN THE BEST POSSIBLE WAY), HULK DEFINITELY SHOULD HAVE EXPECTED SOMETHING… YOU KNOW… WEIRDER.
BUT FOR WHOEVER THE PEOPLE WHO WERE SITTING BEHIND HULK, IT WAS APPARENTLY NOT SO OKAY. UPON TURNING AROUND TO LEAVE HULK OVERHEARD A GROUP OF CONFUSED ADOLESCENT MALES SITTING ABOUT, LOOKING AT EACH OTHER IN A POST-CREDIT MALAISE…
GUY: “Um… What did you think man?”
OTHER GUY: “I dunno. Not what I expected it was weird. I mean… guh… Lame. I thought it would be different.”
HULK KEPT WALKING PAST EAR SHOT, BUT THE BRIEF EXCHANGE STUCK WITH HULK.
IT BEGS AN IMPORTANT QUESTION FOR MOVIE-GOERS: WHY IS GETTING EXACTLY WHAT YOU EXPECT SO IMPORTANT?
ONE ONE HAND, THERE IS THE SIMPLE MATTER OF SEEING THE BASIC GENRE OF FILM THAT YOU INTEND TO. ONE DOES NOT WALK INTO A KATE HUDSON ROMANTIC COMEDY AND EXPECT DECAPITATION-LEVEL HORROR (WHILE HULK WOULD ENJOY THAT KIND OF SURPRISE, MANY WOULD OBVIOUSLY… NOT). BUT IN TERMS OF THOSE MOST BASIC GENRE EXPECTATIONS, HULK WOULD ARGUE THAT A DIFFERENT CONCERN ALL TOGETHER BECAUSE LET’S FACE IT, THE EXAMPLES OF FILMS THAT HAVE OUTRIGHT LIED ABOUT THEIR CORE IDENTITY ARE FEW AND FAR BETWEEN.
SO WHAT ARE WE REALLY TALKING ABOUT? WE ARE REALLY TALKING ABOUT THE TINIEST OF SUBVERSION: A SCENE HERE OR THERE THAT MAY SKEW WILDER, FUNNIER, DARKER, OR SADDER THAN YOU IMAGINED THE ENTIRE MOVIE TO BE.
THIS SEEMS TO MATTER FOR SOME REASON. PEOPLE GET MAD AT ROMANTIC COMEDIES WITH A SAD SCENE IN THEM. PEOPLE GET MAD WHEN ACTION MOVIES HAVE A SILLY SCENE IN THEM. PEOPLE GET MAD WHEN FAMILY FILMS TRY TO TEACH THEIR KIDS LIFE LESSONS OR SHOW DEATH INSTEAD OF JUST BABY SIT THEM. WHY DO WE GO SO FAR WITH GENRE EXPECTATION TO NOT EXPECT A HINT OF DEVIATION FROM MONOGAMOUS TONE?
IS THAT WHY WE LOVE NOLAN? BECAUSE WE KNOW THAT WE GOING TO GET SUPER-SERIOUS MOVIES THROUGH AND THROUGH? IS THAT WHY SOME PEOPLE CAN’T GET BEHIND RAIMI’S SPIDERMAN MOVIES BECAUSE THEY EMBRACE TOO MUCH CAMP? WHY DO SOME PEOPLE REQUIRE MOVIES TO BE SO DAMN SINGULAR?
BECAUSE IF YOU ASK HULK, EVERY GENRE SHOULD HAVE A LITTLE LEEWAY TO PLAY WITH THE RULES.
AND THAT’S ALL THAT DRIVE DOES. IT PLAYS WITH RULES. IT STILL SATISFIES THE BASIC PROMISE OF AN ACTION/CHASE FILM, NO DOUBT ABOUT IT, BUT IT GOES TO SO MANY OTHER MORE INTERESTING PLACES ALONG THE WAY.
PLAYING WITH THE RULES SHOULD BE MORE THAN OKAY. SOME FILMS BRING THEIR SUBVERSION RIGHT INTO THE TEXT OF THE FILM (THE ORIGINAL SCREAM, TV’S COMMUNITY), SOME INVERT AND ASSIMILATE GENRES CONSTANTLY TO CREATE THEIR OWN VIVID WORLDS (TARANTINO, WRIGHT, WHEDON) AND SOME DO ALL THIS IN LESS OBVIOUS WAYS (EVERYTHING COEN BROTHERS). BUT IN ONE GENERAL BROAD STROKE OF MOVIE FANDOM, WE SHOULD BE MORE APT TO EMBRACE IT BECAUSE IT OFFERS US ONE OF THOSE ALL TOO RARE THINGS:
SURPRISE.
SURPRISE IS ONE OF THE MORE RARE THINGS WE HAVE LEFT AS A MOVIE GOING CULTURE. IT’S ONE OF THOSE THINGS THAT GETS US TO RESPOND. FOR BETTER, WORSE, WHATEVER. ISN’T THAT WHY WE GO TO MOVIES? TO HAVE EMOTIONAL REACTIONS TO THINGS?
MAYBE SURPRISE HAS BEEN BEAT OUT OF US BY A POOR, CYNICAL THINKING, BEST SUMMED UP BY MATT GROENING OF ALL PEOPLE: “SMART THINGS MAKE PEOPLE FEEL STUPID, AND SURPRISING THINGS MAKE PEOPLE FEEL SCARED.” PLEASE NOTE THAT HULK NOT SURE HOW ENTIRELY SERIOUS HE IS ABOUT THAT STATEMENT, GIVEN THAT HE CREATED ONE OF THE SMARTEST, SURPRISING SHOWS IN THE HISTORY OF TELEVISION (HULK TALKING GOLDEN AGE HERE), BUT HOLLYWOOD EXECS HAVE CERTAINLY RUN WITH IT HOOK LINE AND SINKER.
PERHAPS HULK COMING OFF A LITTLE MORALIZING WITH ALL THIS, BUT SHOULDN’T THAT NOT BE THE CASE? SHOULDN’T WE CELEBRATE THE PLAYFUL DEVIATION FROM OVERT-TRADITION AS LONG AS WE SET IT UP WITH APPROPRIATE GRACE AND FORETHOUGHT?
SHOULDN’T WE BE HAPPY WHEN WE GO TO THE MOVIES EXPECTING A GOOD, STANDARD ACTION MOVIE AND GET SOMETHING THAT OFFERS YOU A REAL ALTERNATIVE. AN ACTION MOVIE WITH: STRANGE PINK FONTS, 80’S-EURO-STYLE POP SONGS, SCORPION JACKETS, A DOWNRIGHT-SCARY ALBERT BROOKS, A QUIETLY OBSERVED ROMANCE, SPLATTER-LEVEL VIOLENCE, AND RYAN GOSLING’S BLUE GOOGLY-EYES THAT MAKE HIM SEEM EXTRA-STOOPID….
WHEN WE GET SOMETHING LIKE THAT, SHOULDN’T WE CHERISH IT?
❤ HULK
BETTY’S REVIEW: “Fucking loved it. But really it should have been called ‘Stare.'”
*******UPDATE:
HULK HAD A PASSING THOUGHT THAT IT IMPORTANT TO MENTION. AN AMENDMENT IF YOU WILL.
SOMETIMES IT IS IMPORTANT FOR CRITICS/ENTHUSIASTS TO RECOGNIZE THAT WE ARE, IN TERMS OF OUR MASSIVE AMOUNT OF CONSUMPTION, A MINORITY. WE CAN RECOGNIZE TROPES, TONES, DEVICES, WHATEVER-THE-HELL THUS TONAL “SURPRISE” IS ACTUALLY MUCH MORE OF A RARE COMMODITY TO US THAN FOR THE AVERAGE MOVIE GOER. IN OTHER WORDS, WE VALUE DIFFERENT THINGS. WHICH PERHAPS RENDERS HULK’S ARGUMENT ABOUT “NOT WHAT YOU THOUGHT” A LITTLE ESOTERIC.
HULK ADMITS THIS.
NOW HULK ABSOLUTELY STANDS BY IDEOLOGY THAT A MOVIE THAT IS HYPER IN TUNE TO HOW AN AUDIENCE WATCHES IT, WILL LIKELY GO OVER GREAT. BUT THE NATURE OF “SURPRISE” MIGHT BE A LITTLE DIFFERENT.
HULK JUST THINKS IT IS IMPORTANT TO MENTION THAT MOVIES IN GENERAL AREN’T NECESSARILY “BUILT” FOR EITHER ONE OF US OVER THE OTHER (THOUGH IN CERTAIN CASES, THEY ARE). GOING OFF THAT, HULK STILL BELIEVES THAT ANYONE WHO WATCHES A SHIT-TON OF MOVIES IS HONESTLY IN A BETTER PLACE TO COME AT A MOVIE IN TERMS OF CRITICISM THAN SOMEONE WHO DOESN’T (GOING BACK TO HULK’S THEORY ON THE MEANING OF EXPERTISE AND HOW IT SHIFTS THE DIALOGUE).
THUS, THE GOAL OF THIS ARTICLE SHIFTS A LITTLE IN TERMS OF MESSAGE. HULK URGES YOU NOT TO HAVE AN OPEN MIND ABOUT YOUR EXPECTATIONS NOT BECAUSE IT’S THE “RIGHT” WAY, BUT BECAUSE IT SIMPLY OPENS YOU UP TO THE POSSIBILITIES OF EVERYTHING CINEMA CAN BE. BECAUSE IT’S LIKE ANY LEARNING PROCESS.:IF YOU WANT TO ENJOY MORE MOVIES YOU HAVE TO SEE MORE MOVIES.
IT SOUNDS WAY TOO SIMPLE, BUT REALLY IT GOES BACK TO HULK’S IDEA THAT THE CRUX OF ALL FILM ARGUMENTS BASICALLY COME DOWN TO THE ISSUE OF “SEE MORE MOVIES.”
HERE WE FIND OURSELVES ONCE AGAIN, READY TO GO BACK INTO THE DEPTHS OF ACTION FOR THE FINAL CHAPTER OF OUR JOURNEY.
AT THE VERY START HAS TO SINGLE OUT AND THANK THE WONDERFUL TOM TOWNEND, THE INCREDIBLE CINEMATOGRAPHER AND HULK’S PARTNER IN THIS SERIES. HULK STATED THIS AT THE BEGINNING, BUT DO NOT DARE MISTAKE THE MOMENTS WHERE HE SPEAKS UP IN THESE COLUMNS AS HIS “SOLE CONTRIBUTION.” EVERY SINGLE CONCEPT AND IDEA ON DISPLAY HERE WAS BORN OUT OF OUR CONVERSATIONS AND COLLABORATION.
ON DAY 1 HULK & TOM TALKED ABOUT HOW ONE GOES ABOUT THE INCEPTION OF ACTION SCENES, HOW IT WORKS FOR AUDIENCES, AND WHAT STORY-TELLING CONCEPTS ARE AT THAT CORE.
ON DAY 2 WE EXPLAINED THE WAY TO EXECUTE THE ACTION WITH COMPOSITION, CLARITY, SOUND DESIGN, AND CAREFUL EDITING CHOICES.
AND TODAY? WELL, TODAY WE PULL BACK AND EXAMINE THE EXCEPTIONS OF PERSONAL STYLE/TONE WORK, BUT ALSO THE PROBLEMS THAT CAN ARISE FROM ANY OVERT “STYLIZATION.” THEN WE’LL DELVE INTO THE REAL-WORLD PROBLEMS/OBSTACLES OF PRODUCTION LOGISTICS, AND FINALLY WHAT TO TAKE AWAY FROM ALL OF IT.
LET’S GET TO IT.
PART 6 – THE BOURNE EXCEPTION
SO HULK & TOM ATTEMPTED TO PROVE YESTERDAY THAT TAUT FILMMAKING = THE SHIT, BUT THERE IS ANOTHER REASON IT IS SO REFRESHING… AND THAT IS BECAUSE WE ARE COMING OFF A NEAR-DECADE OF BAD SHAKY-CAM.
IT’S NOT A HUGE LEAP OF FAITH TO SAY THAT PEOPLE HATE SHAKY-CAM RIGHT NOW, BUT LOST IN THIS HATE IS THE FACT THAT JUST A MERE DECADE AGO, IT SEEMED REVOLUTIONARY. BUT THE RELATIVE TIMELINESS OF THE STYLE IS ACTUALLY NEITHER NEITHER HERE NOR THERE. WHAT IS HERE AND THERE, HOWEVER, IS THAT MOST PEOPLE SEEM TO BE HATING THE DEVICE ITSELF INSTEAD OF THE POOR USE OF THE DEVICE. JUST LIKE THE EXPOSITION EXAMPLE A FEW DAYS AGO, THE SHAKY-CAM AESTHETIC DOES NOT INHERENTLY SUCK.
FOR THE RECORD ANY CONCEIVABLE CINEMATIC DEVICE, WHEN USED CORRECTLY, CAN BE EFFECTIVE. THE PROBLEMS ONLY START WHEN THE DEVICE IS USED POORLY. WHAT CONSTITUTES POOR USE? USUALLY THE CAUSE FOR OFFENSE IS REVEALED THROUGH THE MERE USE OF A DEVICE FOR THE WRONG REASONS: CRAMMING IT WHEN IT DOESN’T SERVE A REAL PURPOSE OF TONE OR NARRATIVE, MERELY TRYING TO COPY A POPULAR STYLE, OR OUTRIGHT STRIVING FOR “COOL.” IT’S ALMOST A GUARANTEE TO FAIL MISERABLY.
THE PROBLEM SORT OF STRIKES DEEP INTO THE HEART OF ANY FILMMAKER, SOMETHING AKIN TO “OKAY WHY AM I REALLY DOING THIS SHOT IF I’M HONEST WITH MYSELF?” BUT IT’S A GOOD QUESTION TO ASK BECAUSE MORE OFTEN THAN NOT IT WILL STEER YOU INTO THE RIGHT DIRECTION, SOMETHING THAT SERVES THE STORY, CHARACTERS, AND CERTAINLY THE TONE.
SHAKY-CAM CAN STILL DO THESE THINGS, WONDERFULLY EVEN.
THE POPULAR USE OF SHAKY-CAM FIRST CAME INTO THE MAINSTREAM IN A BIG WAY WITH SPIELBERG’S AFOREMENTIONED SAVING PRIVATE RYAN. THE EFFECT OF THE AESTHETIC WAS HOW IT THREW THE AUDIENCE INTO AN EXPERIENCE OF HARROWING REALISM. EVERYONE ALWAYS SAID THE SAME THING, THAT THEY FELT LIKE “THEY WERE REALLY THERE.” IN USING THIS DOCU-STYLE(12A) SPIELBERG CREATED A IMMEDIACY TO HIS NARRATIVE. THIS WAS, AND IS STILL, THE GREAT ADVANTAGE OF SHAKY-CAM: THAT IT CAN MAKE THINGS FEEL TRULY “REAL” IN A WAY THAT STYLIZED ACTION NEVER QUITE CAN.(12B)
BUT SAVING PRIVATE RYAN DIDN’T SUCCEED JUST BECAUSE THE FREAKING CAMERA SHOOK.
HERE IS THE ENTIRE LONG-ASS, HARROWING, AND BRILLIANT OPENING SCENE OF THE MOVIE. HULK SPOKE OF THE CAUSE + EFFECT BEATS ON DISPLAY IN THIS SEQUENCE IN THE EARLIER IN THE SPIELBERG SECTION, BUT CHANCES ARE YOU DON’T ACTUALLY REMEMBER A LOT OF IT. SO LET’S REVISIT THIS SUCKER VISUALLY.
THE SCENE IS AMAZING BECAUSE IT COMBINES THE HARROWING SHAKY AESTHETIC WITH SPIELBERG’S UNCANNY FOCUS ON BASIC CAUSE + EFFECT (THE DOOR OPENING AND PEOPLE GETTING SHOT, THE HELMET, THE PHONE OP, THE CARRYING PEOPLE WHO TURNS OUT DIDN’T HAVE LEGS). BUT REALLY, ALL THE PRINCIPALS WE’VE TALKED ABOUT ARE ON DISPLAY: IT HAS FREQUENT OBJECTIVES BEING CALLED OUT (SENDING THE SNIPER TO TAKE OUT THE TWO ON THE RIDGE, HOW TO TAKE THE RIDGE), EVEN WITH MOMENTS OF CHAOS IT STILL HAD NUMBER OF SHOTS ESTABLISHING SENSE OF THE IMPORTANT GEOGRAPHY (WORKING THE WAY UP THE BEACH, TO THE RIDGE AND THEN OVER INTO THE BUNKERS), IT SILL HAD NUMBER OF MOMENTS AFFECTING THE TONE (THE SOUND DESIGN GOING OUT WITH THE RINGING IN THE EARS, THE COMPARATIVE STILLNESS BEFORE THE SNIPER TAKES THE SHOTS, AND THEN THE MOMENT OF CALM WHEN THE BATTLE IS OVER). EVEN THE SHAKY-CAM SEEMED TO USE FIRST-PERSON AT TIMES TO HELP THE IMMEDIACY SEEM EVEN MORE RELEVANT, AND ANOTHER BRILLIANT TONE-AFFECTING MANEUVER. HULK MEAN, THERE IS JUST SO MUCH MORE GOING ON THAN THE STUPID SHAKY-CAM DEVICE… BUT, SADLY, THAT’S ALL PEOPLE SEEMED TO TAKE AWAY.
HOLLYWOOD TOOK NOTE, BUT IT REALLY WASN’T UNTIL THE BOURNE FILMS BECAME SYNONYMOUS WITH SHAKY- CAM AND PROVED THAT IT COULD TRANSLATE TO HOLLYWOOD ACTION BLOCKBUSTERS, THAT THE FORM REALLY TOOK OVER. AT THAT POINT EVERYONE SEEMED TO THINK THAT SHAKY-CAM WAS NOW THE WAY TO GO INSTEAD OF A WAY TO GO. A HOST OF IMITATORS FOLLOWED AND BUTCHERED THE DEVICE TO NO END. MOVIES USED IT WHERE IT MADE ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE WHATSOEVER. PEOPLE USED IT AS AN EXCUSE TO THROW UP 10 MINUTES OF ILLOGICAL CHAOS. NO WONDER PEOPLE JUST GOT SICK OF IT SO DAMN FAST.(12C)
ALL THE WHILE, NO ONE SEEMED TO REALIZE THAT IT THE ACTUAL PLOT, GRAVITAS, AND CHARACTERIZATION OF THE BOURNE FILMS THAT MADE THE REALISM FEEL SO DAMN VIBRANT, NOT JUST THE STYLE. AND BESIDES, PAUL GREENGRASS IS ONE OF THOSE GENIUS TYPES WHO KNOWS HOW TO, FOR LACK OF A BETTER PHRASE, MAKE IT WORK.
TOM: Yeah, I love the ‘mess’ of the Moscow tunnel car chase in the 2nd Bourne film even if it seemingly goes against so many traditional action principals. The mess panics the viewer – and the panic = excitement.
RIGHT. AND LUCKILY, THE BOURNE SUPREMACY ONE OF HULK’S FAVORITE ACTION FILMS EVER. BUT HULK ARGUE CAR CHASE WORK BECAUSE GREENGRASS UNDERSTANDS IT IS ACTUALLY A BALANCING ACT. HE BUILDS UP ENERGY WITH HIS SHAKY AESTHETIC, BUT EVERY 3-7 SECONDS OR SO THERE’S A WIDE, NON-SHAKY SHOT THAT REALLY SHOWS OFF WHAT IS HAPPENING. THESE ARE THE PUNCTUATION MARKS. HE CREATES REAL, FOLLOWABLE MOMENTS AMONGST THE “MESS.”
SERIOUSLY, PAY REALLY CLOSE ATTENTION TO THE SCENE. THE SHAKING IS WHAT YOU NOTICE AT FIRST, BUT IN BETWEEN THE SHAKING, YOU HAVE TRADITIONAL MOVIE SEQUENCE. AND THAT’S WHAT ALLOWS THE SCENE AND AESTHETIC TO WORK PROPERLY.
DAMN THAT GOOD.
AGAIN, GREENGRASS USES THE SHAKY SHOTS TO ESTABLISH THE TONE OF CHAOS AND GET THE HIGH LEVEL OF ENERGY AND REALISM THAT HE WANTS, BUT HE STILL GIVE US ENOUGH OF WHAT WE NEED. THE ACTUAL CHASE IS COMPLETELY BLOCKED OUT AND ARTICULATED. THERE STILL ENOUGH CLEAR GEOGRAPHY. WHEN SOMETHING CHAOTIC HAPPENS, THE CAMERA PULLS BACK AND RESTORES ORDER. NOTICE WE HAVE SENSE OF WHERE CHARACTERS ARE IN RELATION TO EACH OTHER. NOTICE WE STILL UNDERSTAND HOW BOURNE NEGOTIATES THE FINAL TAKE-DOWN OF KARL URBAN’S CAR. NOTICE HOW IT WORKS. GREENGRASS USES THE SHAKY-CAM TO GET THE ENERGY HE WANT, BUT HE THEN BALANCES/INTER-CUTS WITH MORE TRADITIONAL ACTION SHOOTING.
SO REMEMBER, SHAKY-CAM, EVEN IF FALLING OUT OF STYLE, CAN STILL BE VERY EFFECTIVE.(12B)
IT’S NOT THE DEVICE, IT’S THE EXECUTION.
PART 7 – “BAYHEM” AND THE PROBLEM OF SO-CALLED-STYLIZATION
QUICK! NAME ONE, SINGULAR MOMENT FROM THE TRANSFORMERS 2 ACTION SCENES.
CHANCES ARE YOU CAN’T. WHY DO YOU THINK THAT IS?
FOR STARTERS, BAY’S ACTION TENDS TO HAVE NO ACTUAL SEQUENCING OR PUNCTUATION MARKS. IT AN ENDLESS SLOG OF MOVEMENTS THAT “LOOK COOL” BUT COMPRISE NO REAL “MOMENTS.” SURE A CHARACTER MAY DIE IN SOME “COOL” SLO-MO WAY, BUT IT NOT A PUNCTUATION MARK BECAUSE IT NOT REALLY CONNECTED TO ANY MEANING, EITHER CHARACTER-BASED OR TO THE ACTION THE PRECEDED IT.
MOST OF THE TIME YOU CAN’T EVEN TELL WHO IS WHO (THIS WAS EVEN BEFORE THE ROBOTS).
AND THEN THERE IS THE MATTER OF TONE. BECAUSE WITH BAY IT SEEMS BE ALL THE SAME SINGULAR, BIZARRE TONE. SERIOUSLY, EVERY SINGLE ACTION SCENE IN THESE MOVIES FEEL THE EXACT SAME EVEN IF THE SETTINGS JUMP. DAY. NIGHT. DOESN’T MATTER. WE TALKED ABOUT HOW IMPORTANT IT IS TO HAVE DIFFERENT TONES AND HE NEVER, NOT ONCE UTILIZES ANYTHING OTHER THAN THE TONE OF… WELL… LET’S JUST CALL IT “MICHAEL BAY TONE.” IT’S LIKE HE COMPLETELY FAILS TO REALIZE THAT ACTION IS JUST ANOTHER WAY OF STORYTELLING. AND TO HULK THAT CREATES CINEMATIC CATASTROPHE WHEN THE ACTION SCENES TAKE UP THE ENTIRE RUNNING TIME OF YOUR MOVIES.
YES FOLKS: MICHAEL BAY,WHOSE MOVIES COMPRISE ALMOST NOTHING BUT ACTION FROM START TO FINISH, IS ACTUALLY BAD AT ACTION.(12D)
BUT THAT’S WEIRD RIGHT? TO BE FAIR, LOTS OF PEOPLE LIKE MICHAEL BAY… OR AT LEAST NO MIND HIM… OR AT LEAST LIKE LAUGHING AT HIS STUFF… OR JUST HATING ON… WHATEVER IT IS PEOPLE KEEP SEEING HIS FUCKING MOVIES. THERE HAS TO BE REASON, RIGHT?
FELLOW CRITIC TODD GILCHRIST HAS A UNIQUE TALENT FOR DISCERNING THE COUNTER-INTUITIVE REASONS FOR WHY PEOPLE RESPOND TO CERTAIN MOVIES AND HULK THINK HE CAME UP WITH GOOD, NON-PATRONIZING THEORY ON THIS MATTER. TODD’S POINT THAT WHAT MAKES BAY’S ACTION “WORK” IS THAT HE IS ONE OF ONLY DIRECTORS REMAINING WHO REALLY TRIES TO CONVEY A SENSE OF MASSIVE SCALE TO HIS ACTION SCENES (GIANT BATTLES IN DOWNTOWN LA! ALL OF CHICAGO! BLOWING UP LANDMARKS! GLOBE TROTTING!). THIS WAS A VERY POPULAR CONVENTION IN 90’S CINEMA AND HE NOT ONLY DID IT THE “BEST” THEN, BUT HE SEEMS TO BE THE ONLY ONE STILL DOING IT TODAY. WHICH MEANS THERE REALLY IS A PLACE FOR IT IF THAT MAKES SENSE. LIKEWISE, TODD MENTIONS THAT BAY ALSO ONE OF THE FEW WHO STILL REALLY COMMITTED TO INTEGRATING PRACTICAL EFFECTS WITH CGI. MOST OF US BITCH ABOUT “WEIGHTLESS CGI” IN SO MANY FILMS THESE DAYS, BUT IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT… ISN’T BAY’S CGI OFTEN PRETTY WELL-INTEGRATED INTO REAL WORLD “WEIGHT”? THIS IS A COMPARITIVE STATEMENT OF COURSE BECAUSE THERE ARE PLENTY OF TIMES HE DOESN’T, BUT ON THE WHOLE HE SEEMS TO BE ON THE INTEGRATING PRACTICAL SIDE. HECK, THROW IN THE FACT THAT BAY TRULY WARY OF 3D (INCLUDING HIS OWN RECENT OUTPUT) AND IT MAY SEEM LIKE BAY MIGHT HAVE SOME REALLY GOOD INSTINCTS TO WORK WITH.(13)
I KNEW YOU LIKED ME
SHUT UP.
THIS ALL JUST MEANS THE PROBLEM IS THAT MICHAEL BAY CAN’T PUT THOSE GOOD INSTINCTS AND ABILITIES TOGETHER INTO SOMETHING MORE COHESIVE… AT ALL… AND THE MORE HE LEFT TO HIS OWN DEVICES, THE WORSE IT SEEMS TO GET. THERE’S NO REAL WAY TO SAY IT OTHER THAN HIS ACTION IS JUST PUT TOGETHER ALL WRONG. THERE RARELY CAUSE + EFFECT, THERE NO LINKING, THERE NEVER A SEEMING OBJECTIVE, HE CONSTANTLY INTERRUPTS TENSION WITH BAD JOKES, PEOPLE SCREAM ALL THE TIME, YOU NEVER KNOW WHO ANYONE IS, THE SENSE OF GEOGRAPHY AND SPACE COMPLETELY ABSENT (WHICH MAYBE HIS WORST OFFENDER), AND THE TONE CAN OFTEN FEEL BORDERLINE-BIPOLAR.
WHAT DOES ONE CALL THIS?
ONE CAN ONLY CALL THIS BAYHEM.
THE WORST THING TO INCLUDE IN ARTICLE IS WITH THE SADLY FAMILIAR “WEBSTER’S DEFINES….” WELL HULK GONNA GO ONE UP ON ALL YOUR ASSES…. AHEM.
1. The cinematic conceit of blowing shit up on a large scale, in slow motion and (usually) at sunset.
2. A portmanteau word employing the concept of the inevitable incendiary mayhem employed by uberhack Michael Bay in lieu of characters, a script or a a pube’s-weight of reality.
THAT’S GOLD JERRY, GOLD. IN HULK’S TIME-LINE THE FIRST TIME HULK HEARD THE WONDERFUL TERM “BAYHEM” WAS ACTUALLY FROM YOU TOM AND IT IS COMPLETELY FANTASTIC.
TOM: Nah, ‘Bayhem’ has been knocking around for a while – at least since The Island. I think I first read it in a Drew McWeeny (née Moriarty ) ‘appraisal’ on AICN – and not necessarily used in a pejorative fashion at that time. I don’t know where it was first coined. (HULK NOTE: IT IS UP ON URBAN DICTIONARY IN 2007. KUDOS TO ANYONE WHO TRACES THE PUN’S ORIGIN)
But Hulk, you’ve covered the aesthetic problems, but I’ll show you why it’s not exclusive to his action. Armageddon is a guilty pleasure -a quite dreadful film but one that I derive endless amusement from. But there is an approach to the narrative that serves well as an illustration of what is generally wrong with the way action sequences are also handled in a Michael Bay film.
The US Navy fly Bruce Willis off his oil drilling platform, take him to (Washington DC? Kennedy Space Centre? I forget… It’s not important) and tell him that an asteroid is coming in 2 weeks time and only his skills can make NASAs plan to destroy it work. Immediately he announces that he can only help if the collection of rednecks and social reprobates that he works with are part of the team. So far, so silly; so good.
Then there is a montage in which the army and police round up his cohorts and Brucie goes to remonstrate with Ben Affleck who he was in the process of trying to shoot with a shotgun when the Navy helicopter turned up to collect him. Bruce has been away from his oil platform for what? A day? With a limited time until doomsday I doubt the authorities waste a moment before finding Brucie’s guys. But seemingly, in (at most) a 48hr period they’ve managed to scatter themselves to the 4 corners of North America. They’re gambling and hanging out with pole dancers in Vegas, burning across open desert on Harley Davidsons, and Ben Affleck has even managed to buy and manage his own small field of oil derricks in (Texas? California? Again, not the point). What the fuck?
Sure it makes for a funny montage full of sexy women, sexy motorbikes and sexy sweaty oil spattered Ben Affleck but seriously, what the fuck? I don’t think Brucie authorised shore leave in his absence. How have they all got so far in such a short space of time? This makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. Worse than that it’s a complete fucking insult to the audience. Bay is effectively saying ‘none of you dumb fucks will ever question what I’ve done here because I’ll bamboozle you with pounding music, flashing lights, some of the leftover chicks from one of my Victorias Secret commercials and Ben Affleck wearing an oil stained wife beater from a 1980s poster.’ And it’s that disregard for basic temporal logic and utter arrogance towards what any reasonable audience member might expect from rational story telling that also pollutes Michael Bays action sequences.
THIS ACTUALLY VERY INTERESTING POINT BEING RAISED. AS TO THIS SPECIFIC FILM? YES, HULK AGREE. TO THE PROBLEM OF THE CONCEPT IN GENERAL? HULK CAN’T SAY HULK AGREE.
TO EXPLORE THE ISSUE OF “LOGIC” IN FULL THOUGH, HULK IS GOING TO REVISIT IN UPCOMING COLUMN. BUT BASICALLY HULK THINK THE CONVENTIONAL “REAL LIFE LOGIC” ABOUT WHAT SOMEONE WOULD DO NOT ACTUALLY MATTER IN MOVIES AS LONG AS THE TEXT CONCERNING ITSELF WITH MORE IMPORTANT THINGS, MAINLY CHARACTER LOGIC OR DRAMA LOGIC. THE THINKING IS AKIN TO ALL THE CHEATING CUTS AND POOR LOGIC IN SPIELBERG’S MOVIES. THE LOGIC DOESN’T MATTER CAUSE MOST OF THE TIME WHAT IS HAPPENING SERVES A BIGGER NARRATIVE PURPOSE. BUT THINK ABOUT THE TIMES WHERE SPIELBERG’S POOR LOGIC DOESN’T SERVE A BIGGER PURPOSE (HOOK, INDY 4, ETC). THAT’S WHEN PEOPLE FREAKING POUNCE. SO GETTING BACK TO BAY, HULK BELIEVE IT NOT NECESSARILY THE RIDICULOUS PLOTTING AND CRAP LOGIC THAT’S RUINING IT, BUT THE COMPLETE LACK OF COHESION IN TOTALITY, WHICH BLOWS PLOT HOLES IN HIS MOVIES THAT FIVE MILES WIDE. HULK ARGUE THERE A WAY TO PRESENT A MOVIE SO THAT LOGIC DOESN’T MATTER, BUT BAY SUCKS SO GOD DAMN MUCH AT TONE/CHARACTER CONSTRUCTION AND HIS REASONS FOR INCLUDING THESE SCENES ARE JUST SO DAMN NAKEDLY STUPID, THAT THE POOR LOGIC STARES YOU IN THE FACE. IT’S A BALANCING ACT. THE BEST EXAMPLE THAT HULK CAN THINK OF IS NOLAN’S THE DARK KNIGHT. EVERY SINGLE STEP OF THE JOKER’S PLAN, FOR LITERALLY THE ENTIRE MOVIE, NEVER, EVER, IN ANY WAY MAKES ANY SENSE. THE LOGIC IS MIND-BLOWINGLY INANE. SURE, SOMETIMES THE PLAN MAKES THEMATIC/CHARACTER SENSE (SOMETIMES) BUT IT SO DOES NOT MATTER WHATSOEVER BECAUSE NOLAN CRAFTS A BRILLIANT CAT + MOUSE STORY WITH TENSION AND LINKING AND SUCCESSION. THE MOVIE NEVER STOPS STEERING YOU AND YOUR EMOTIONS/INVOLVEMENT WITH ABJECT CLARITY. SO AGAIN, HULK NOT SURE LOGIC-LOGIC MATTERS IF THE MOVIE-LOGIC WORKS. BUT HONESTLY TOM, HULK PRETTY SURE YOU KNOW THIS TOO AND IT WASN’T PART OF YOUR POINT AT ALL. HULK JUST SAW AN OPPORTUNITY TO TALK ABOUT IT AND REALLY IT’S ANOTHER, MUCH BIGGER DISCUSSION.
WHERE WAS HULK? OH YEAH, THE IMPORTANT THING TOM IS THAT YOU ARE ALSO RIGHT. HE SCREWS UP STORY IN THE SAME WAY HE SCREWS UP ACTION.
TOM: Thanks?
HULK LAUGH.
BUT LET’S SHOWCASE EXACTLY WHY THE ACTION DOESN’T WORK, NOW VISUAL AIDS…
…HULK JUST REALIZED YOU COULD CALL BAY’S WORK “VISUAL A.I.D.S.”… GOD THAT’S A TERRIBLE JOKE. HULK GOING TO HELL. MOVING ON…
HOW ABOUT A COMPARISON: TAKE THE IMPLIED CHAOS OF THE BOURNE CHASE ABOVE AND COMPARE IT TO BAYHEM, WHICH HAS ACTUAL CHAOS. HERE’S THE CHASE SCENE FROM THE ROCK.
NOTICE HOW OFTEN THE BEATS ARE NOT LINKED. SURE THERE SOME SHOTS STRUNG TOGETHER, BUT IT’S MOSTLY JUMBLED. THERE’S NO FLOW. THE CLOSE-UPS AND RAPID ZOOMS IN AND OUT ARE RIDICULOUS. THE IMPACT OF EVENTS ARE NOT ORCHESTRATED, THEY ARE EITHER BLUDGEONED TOGETHER OR NON-EXISTENT. THE ACTION IS NOT A STORY. AND YET NONE OF THIS IS THE PROBLEM OF ACTUAL SUBJECT MATTER: THE LAMBORGHINI, THE HUMVEE, THE CRASHES, THE IDEAS THEMSELVES ARE FODDER FOR PUTTING TOGETHER A GOOD, INTERESTING CHASE.
WHICH BRINGS HULK TO ANOTHER IDEA FOR THE REASONS PEOPLE RESPOND TO MICHAEL BAY: HE VERY GOOD, IF NOT THE BEST, AT CATERING TO THE COOL IDEA: GIANT ROBOTS FIGHTING, ADVANCED MILITARY TECH, CONSPIRACIES, BATTLES AT FAMOUS LANDMARKS, COMIC RELIEF CHARACTERS. IT ALL COOL IDEAS AND PEOPLE LIKE WHAT HE TRYING TO DO. AND LET’S FACE IT, THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO GO TO MOVIES AND NO PAY ATTENTION TO THE FACT A FILM IS LACKING STRONG TONE (THOUGH HULK ARGUE A MOVIE WITH STRONG, VISCERAL TONE WILL WORK ON ANYONE, EVEN IF SUBCONSCIOUSLY). WHICH MEANS THEY AUDIENCE DOSN’T CARE IF THE MOVIE PLAYING TO THEM AS LONG AS IT PLAYING IN FRONT OF THEM. IN THAT CASE THE COOLNESS OF THE SUBJECT MATTER THE ONLY THING THAT MATTER. THEY ARE UNENGAGED, DISCONNECTED, AND DETACHED. THE PERFECT OPPORTUNITY FOR “COOL” TO SWOOP IN.
AND WHO HULK TO ARGUE WHAT REALLY “COOL” ANYWAY?
HONESTLY, EVALUATING MICHAEL BAY IS FURTHER COMPLICATED BY THE FACT THAT A LOT OF PEOPLE WATCH HIS MOVIES FOR A KIND OF META ENJOYMENT, MEANING SO MANY PEOPLE WATCH THEM KNOWING THEY’RE GOING TO BE SHIT. PART OF THIS IS BECAUSE THEY ARE BIG MOVIES (AND MOST RECENTLY CENTERED AROUND A BELOVED CHILDHOOD TOY LINE, WHICH APPRENTLY PEOPLE GO APE-SHIT FOR. LOOK FOR HULK’S TEDDY RUXPIN MOVIE IN THE FALL) WHICH MEANS THERE IS THIS WEIRD SOCIETAL PROMINENCE THAT JUST DRAWS PEOPLE IN. THEY WANT TO BE A PART OF THE CAMPFIRE DISCUSSION, EVEN IF THE DISCUSSION IS ABOUT HOW THAT ONE GUY IN THE CAMP SUCKS.
AND BEYOND THAT, THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO WATCH AND ENJOY JUST HOW AMAZINGLY STUPID THEY ARE OR HOWEVER IT IS WE IRONICALLY ENJOY THINGS. KEEP IN MIND HULK INCLUDES HULK-SELF IN THIS CAMP TOO. HULK WILL NOT GO OUT OF WAY TO SEE, BUT FINDS FODDER IN BAYISM ALL THE SAME. EVEN THIS COLUMN IS PART OF IT. TOM MENTIONS THE ARMAGEDDON AMUSEMENT AND THE BAY MOVIE KIND OF LIKES IS THE ONE HULK JUST CRAPPED ON FOR THE BAD CHASE: THE ROCK. HULK LIKE NOT BECAUSE IT IS GOOD OR BADASS OR ANYTHING COOL LIKE THAT, BUT BECAUSE IT SOMETIMES FUNNY… SOMETIMES INTENTIONALLY (NIC CAGE’S PERFORMANCE)… SOMETIMES NOT INTENTIONALLY (CONNERY’S PERFORMANCE). IT IS A DISTINCTLY META WAY OF LOOKING AT MOVIES.
BUT TO RESTATE: THERE IS NO WAY TO ARGUE BAY IS GOOD AT CONSTRUCTING ACTION SCENES BEYOND THE SCALE AND THE SUBJECTS THEMSELVES.
AND WHEN HE STRETCHES FOR ANY KIND OF “STYLE” IT IS STYLIZATION WITHOUT MEANING.
… THEN THERE ARE THE TIMES HE JUST HAS TERRIBLE IDEAS:
SO WAIT, WHY THE FUCK HAVE WE BEEN TALKING THIS LONG ABOUT MICHAEL BAY?
TOM: [Shrugs].
OH YEAH, IT IS BECAUSE MICHAEL BAY IS BOTH 1) A MIRROR OF OUR CULTURAL FOCUS ON “COOL” AND 2) SO BIG IN THE ARENA OF ACTION THAT HE IS A TRENDSETTER. THIS IS, YOU KNOW, DISTURBING AND STUFF, BUT IT WHOLLY INFORMS THE FACT THAT WE CANNOT PRETEND THAT BAY IS IN ANY WAY SINGULAR/ALONE IN THE DISPLAY OF TONE-DEAF ACTIOIN STYLE. HE MAY BE UNIQUE IN HIS BRAND OF BADNESS, BUT STYLE-WITHOUT-MEANING SEEMS TO BE ONE OF, IF NOT THE CENTRAL PROBLEM OF ACTION TODAY.
THE ISSUE CAME UP RECENT PIECE/DISCUSSION OVER ON BADASSDIGEST.(14A) THE INCLINATION TO PROVIDE SOMETHING COOL-LOOKING CAN OFTEN GO AT DIRECT ODDS WITH DRAMA. I.E., DEVIN FARACI MENTIONS IN THE ARTICLE THAT A MOVIE LIKE 300 HAS SO MUCH THAT COOL ABOUT IT, YET OFTEN THE FILM’S ACTION IS OFTEN COMPLETELY INERT IN TERMS OF EMOTIONAL INVOLVEMENT. LOTS OF PEOPLE LOVE THE ACTION IN THE FILM (IT IS PRETTY AND COOL), BUT IT’S COMPLETELY TRUE.
THINK ABOUT THE PRINCIPALS WE DISCUSSED TIME AND TIME AGAIN OVER THE LAST FEW DAYS AND WATCH THIS CLIP:
HULK LOVE THAT THE SCENE LABELED “INSANE” BECAUSE IT’S IN THE SAME VEIN OF CALLING IT COOL. IT’S ACTUALLY A NEAT IDEA FOR A SCENE (HOLDING ON ONE SHOT AS GUY GO THROUGH BATTLE) AND THE EXECUTION MUST HAVE BEEN BITCH TO PULL OFF (IT USES SLIGHT OF HAND OF COURSE). AND SURE THERE’S LOTS OF TANGIBLE, NEAT CONCEPTS, BUT IT DOESN’T WORK ON A BASIC DRAMATIC LEVEL. ANY ENJOYMENT OF THE SCENE IS A DIFFERENT KIND OF “META ENJOYMENT.” SINCE THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO EMOTIONALLY RESPOND TO, THE SHOT IS ONLY PRETTY AND WITHOUT CONSEQUENCE. WEIGHTLESS.
THEY ARE IN GOD MODE. THEY ARE NOTHING LIKE INDY.
AND FOR PETE’S SAKE, THE MAIN REASON CINEMATIC REASON TO HOLD ON A LONG SHOT IS TO GIVE THE MOMENT TENSION (REMEMBER THE TAUT FILMMAKING SECTION?), LIKE THE WAY CUARON HOLDS THE LONG SHOT OF THE CAR ESCAPE IN CHILDREN OF MEN. MEANWHILE, SNYDER’S LONG SHOT HERE DOES NOT ATTEMPT TO HOLD ANY TENSION WHATSOEVER. AND WHEN IS THE CHARACTER EVER IN DANGER? THE SLOW-MOTION IS ONLY USED TO SHOW HOW GNARLY AND COOL IT IS WITH THE SLICING OF RANDOM ENEMIES. IT IS COMPLETELY UNLIKE THE MOMENTS OF SLOW-MOTION IN BRAVEHEART, WHICH WAS TRYING CREATE TENSION BEFORE MOMENTS OF SUBSTANTIAL IMPACT.
AND FOR DOUBLE PETE’S SAKE. SLOW-MOTION ESSENTIALLY STOPS THE DRAMA OF YOUR SCENE. IT HAS TO BE USED VERY, VERY, VERY CAREFUL. YOU HAVE TO BE SETTING UP SOMETHING BIG WITH CHARACTER RESONANCE, WHICH IS WHY THE ATTACK THE BLOCK FINALE WORKS WITH THE SLO-MO.
TOM: Thanks!
NO PROBLEM. ULTIMATELY, SNYDER’S SCENE ONLY SEEM TO WORK AS DEMONSTRATION OF TECHNICAL SKILL. EMOTIONALLY IT IS NOTHING. THE WORST PART THAT THE SCENE MIGHT HAVE BEEN SO MUCH BETTER IF THERE WASN’T ANY SPEED-RAMPING AND IT JUST STRAIGHT THROUGH SHOT OF THE MAIN CHARACTER WREAKING HAVOC. IT MIGHT HAVE HAD TENSION. INSTEAD IT IS LITERALLY A LIKE WATCHING A 2D SIDE SCROLLER VIDEO GAME. AND YES, THE SCENE IS SURE FUCKING “INSANE” BUT IT DOESN’T WORK…
WELL… HULK TAKES THAT BACK… THE SCENE MAYBE WORKS A LITTLE BECAUSE FOR ONE SAVING GRACE (OR PERHAPS A SAVING THROW?).)(14B)
SEE, WHILE MUCH OF THE ACTUAL ACTION IN 300 IS AIRLESS AND COOL, SNYDER IS AT LEAST SMART ENOUGH TO USE SINGLE PUNCTUATION MARKS IN BETWEEN TO SORT OF ADD MEANING TO SOME STUFF… SOMETIMES. LIKE IN THE “INSANE” SCENE ABOVE IT ENDS WITH THE SOLDIERS BRAGGING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEY ALL ARE AND SAY “LET’S MAKE ALL SWIM!” OR WHATEVER. WITH THAT LITTLE ADDITION, NOW ALL THE “‘COOL” PART OF THE SCENE BEFORE ACTUALLY WORKS AS QUALIFYING SET-UP TO THEIR BOAST. IT ALLOWS THE SCENE TO WORK AS A DISPLAY OF THEIR ABILITY WHICH IS THEN USED TO STRIKE FEAR IN THE OTHER SOLDIERS. AND THAT THE MOST IMPORTANT PART. IT WHAT GIVES THE COOL ACTION THE WEIGHT AND MEANING. IT’S WHAT MAKES IT A (KIND OF) STORY… THE PROBLEM THAT IT SORT OF TAKES FOREVER TO GET THERE AND IS STILL KIND OF BORING AND OVER-INCLINED TO COOL. BUT THE IMPORTANT PART IS SNYDER EVENTUALLY FIGURES OUT A WAY TO USE SOME BASIC CAUSE + EFFECT… OF COURSE, HE THEN UNDERMINES THAT WITH THE GORGEOUS, BUT WHOLLY UN-INVOLVING SLO-MO SHOT OF THEM FALLING OFF THE EDGE OF THE CLIFF…
BUT HEY. CAN’T WIN EM ALL.
HULK REALLY WANTS TO CONVEY THAT IT IS NOT NECESSARILY THE SPEED-RAMPING ITSELF THAT IS THE PROBLEM. HULK THINK SNYDER ACTUALLY A PRETTY SMART GUY WITH A FEW HABITS THAT SOMETIMES WORK GREAT AND SOMETIMES DON’T REALLY WORK AT ALL. BUT IF WE RETURN TO THE CONCEPT OF THE BOURNE CHASE, WHERE IT IS POSSIBLE TO BALANCING PERSONAL STYLE WITH THE BASIC TENETS OF ACTION, THEN THERE IS A TOTALLY CONCEIVABLE WAY THAT SNYDER’S SPEED-RAMPING INTERESTS COULD WORK. IT JUST TAKES BALANCE AND A FOCUS ON IMPACT + DRAMA.
IT TAKES SOMETHING LIKE THIS:
IN THIS OPENING SCENE FROM WATCHMEN, SNYDER USES THE SPEED-RAMPING MORE FOR CLARITY INSTEAD OF COOL. THE ENTIRE SCENE IS MORE CONCERNED WITH THE MOMENTS OF IMPACT. CREATING DANGER. THE BEATS OF THE ACTION LARGELY BASED ON CAUSE + EFFECT (THE KNIFE THROWS, THE REVERSALS, THE BREAKING OF WALLS + CONCRETE). BETTER YET, THE SOUND DESIGN IS COMPLETELY SHARP AND FOCUSED. THERE IS EVEN AN ADDED LITTLE BIT OF TONE WORK AND COMMENTARY, AS SNYDER USES “UNFORGETTABLE” UNDERNEATH THE SCENE, THUS IMBUING THE ACTION WITH A KIND OF LYNCHIAN-IRONY-LITE. AND THE MORE YOU LEARN ABOUT THE COMEDIAN AND THE PLOT LATER IN THE FILM (THAT THE WORLD IS A CRUEL, VIOLENT JOKE), THEN THE MORE “CORRECT” THE SCENE FEELS.
THIS SEEMS LIKE A GOOD TIME TO MENTION SOMETHING THAT IS TOTALLY IMPORTANT: WE ALL HAVE THE NATURAL INSTINCT TO BE COOL. IT’S ALL PART OF THE HUMAN INCLINATION TO BE ACCEPTED AND MAKING MOVIES JUST AN EXTENSION OF THAT IN SOME WAY. BUT REMEMBER THE KID ON PLAYGROUND WHO TRIES TO BE COOL INSTEAD OF GENUINE? YEAH. IT OFTEN GOES POORLY.
WELL, THE SAME IS TRUE OF MOVIES. THE NOTION OF STYLE IS SO DAMN SEDUCTIVE AND YET IT IS A WHOLLY FALSE GOAL. IT DOESN’T MATTER IF YOU’RE ZACK SNYDER OR MICHAEL BAY, IT IS JUST SO CRITICAL TO IDENTIFY AND SUPPRESS THE INCLINATION TO MAKE THINGS COOL BEFORE YOU MAKE THEM WORK. IT’S WHAT MAKES YOUR WORK COME OFF AS “GENUINE,” JUST LIKE IN REAL LIFE! AND THUS STRIVING FOR COOL ABOVE ALL ELSE CAN ONLY HURT YOUR WORK.
BESIDES, HONESTLY THE CHANCES ARE THAT DECENT-TO-GOOD CHARACTER DESIGN CAN TAKE CARE OF ALL THE “COOL” YOU NEED (LIKE INDIANA JONES’ AWESOME OUTFIT) SO THAT’S AS FAR AS THE CONCERN REALLY NEEDS TO GO. AND THE FUNNIEST PART OF ALL OF THIS IS THAT IT IF YOU MAKE ACTION THAT WORKS AND INVESTS PEOPLE, THAN NO MATTER WHAT IT WILL INHERENTLY BE COOL. SO THERE NO REAL NEED TO WORRY ABOUT IT IN THE FIRST PLACE.
SO WHY DOES COOL IN MOVIES MATTER SO MUCH? WHY THIS IMMENSE PRESSURE? IT CAN’T JUST BE THE INCLINATION OF THE DIRECTORS RIGHT?
RIGHT.
WHICH BRINGS US TO THE REAL CRUX OF THE “COOL” PROBLEM: MARKETING.
HULK NOT ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO DERIDE MARKETING, HELL HULK WORKED IN MARKETING AND FIND DEMOGRAPHICS AND SYSTEMIC ANALYSIS TO FASCINATING… BUT HULK RECOGNIZE IT HAVE DISTINCTLY DIFFERENT GOAL FROM STORYTELLING:
MARKETING IS PURELY ABOUT SALES.
STORYTELLING IS ABOUT CAPTIVATING AN AUDIENCE THAT IS ALREADY THERE.
THE TWO ARE AT ODDS. AND THEREFORE “THE BUSINESS OF COOL” IS WAY MORE IMPORTANT IN MARKETING THAT IT IS IN MOVIES. MEANING THE IMAGERY OF 300, WHICH IN TERMS OF STORYTELLING IS OFTEN WEIGHTLESS, SURE WORKS DAMN FUCKING WELL IN A TRAILER. THE SLO-MO AND SPEED-RAMPING ADHERE BEAUTIFULLY TO THE PRESENTATION OF SUCCESSIVE, A-CONTEXTUAL MOMENTS, SUGGESTING A LARGER EXPERIENCE OF COOL AND ATTITUDE.(15)
THE NET RESULT OF THIS KIND OF ALLURE IS THAT IT GETS BUTTS IN SEATS AND MISREPRESENTS THE NOTION OF SUCCESS. YES WELL-SOLD MOVIES ON THE FIRST WEEKEND DRIVE THE BUSINESS, BUT IT IS STILL SHORT SIGHTED WHEN IT COMES TO ACTION TENT-POLES. WHY? BECAUSE THE MOST VALUABLE COMMODITY IN SUMMER MOVIES IS A PROPERTY AND PROPERTIES ARE BUILT OFF OFF GOOD PRODUCTS WHICH HAVE LONGER BOX OFFICE PLAY. AND GOOD PRODUCTS ARE GOOD MOVIES WITH GOOD STORIES (99% OF THE TIME). SO IF YOU MAKE A FILM WHERE THE ACTION/CHARACTERIZATION IS GOOD, THAN IT CAN TRANSCEND THE AUDIENCE THAT JUST LOOKING FOR THE MARKETED COOL, THEN YOU WILL CREATE A MOVIE THAT HAS LONG -ERM ECONOMIC VALUE. REMEMBER, EVERYONE CAN ENJOY SOMETHING THAT IS GOOD. IT DOESN’T MATTER WHETHER IT IS THRILLING, FUN, OR WHATEVER. BUT IF YOU WANT THE LONG TERM FUTURE FOR YOUR FRANCHISE THEN IT HAS TO BE GOOD.
GOING BACK TO EVERYTHING WE’VE TALKED ABOUT: “GOOD-NESS” IN ACTION IS ABOUT RELATING AND PARTICIPATING: INDIANA JONES HAS THE WHIP AND THE HAT BUT HE ALSO HAS THE FEAR AND THE TERRIBLE LUCK. WE FOLLOW JASON BOURNE NOT BECAUSE HE CAN KICK ANYONE’S ASS AND CAN GET OUT OF ANY SITUATION, BUT BECAUSE HE IS DESPERATE, AFRAID, AND TORMENTED. WE CARE ABOUT NEO’S FIGHT SKILLS BECAUSE WE CAN ACTUALLY SEE THEM. WE CARE ABOUT THE VIOLENCE IN TARANTINO MOVIES BECAUSE HE BUILDS UP THE ANTICIPATION WITH INCREDIBLE SKILL. AND WE ARE EXHILARATED BY TWO GUYS STANDING ON SIDES OF A HOTEL DOOR BECAUSE OF THE ACTION-COMPOSING-SKILL OF FILMMAKERS WHO BROUGHT YOU BARTON FINK.
IF YOU MAKE SOMETHING THAT COMPELLING, THEN IT WILL INHERENTLY BE COOL.
TOM: This discussion of cool is pretty interesting because there is something evasive about it too. There’s real questions about veracity of image. For example, now here’s an angle. For the record, I love watching this sort of stuff:
There’s been such a proliferation of high quality amateur footage of people throwing themselves off fucking cliffs and buzzing hillside spectators posted online in the last few years that it was crushingly inevitable that such a sequence would make it’s way into a big action movie and low and behold Mr M. Bay skewered the zeitgeist by shoehorning it into Transformers 3: Dorks of the Moon. In fact, so heralded was the flying suit sequence, all I knew about the film’s story before I saw it was ‘the Apollo moon landings had a secret agenda’, ‘in this one the kid who talks too fast is looking for a job’ and ‘THERE’S DUDES IN FLYING SUITS’. That’s 3 generations of idiots lining up at the box office right there with those 3 promises!
But the flying suit sequence was crap. Really crap. Not just because the plot purpose for people to be risking life and limb in that fashion seemed pretty tenuous but visually it failed to evoke even a 10th of the visceral thrill crappier YouTube footage does.
Why is that? The presentation of the ‘flying’ in Bay’s film was competently filmed (though the cheaty CGI comps were better than the real McCoy) and even he can’t fuck up geography when it comes to ‘objects heavier than air will always fall to the ground’. Sure, we don’t care much whether a bunch of ‘red shirts’ make it in one piece but surely the sight of a human being performing such a perilous action is innately thrilling? No, it would seem not.
It’s no accident that I knew that there was a flying suit sequence in the film. The Transformers publicity juggernaut had been very careful to give maximum exposure to the fact that the sequence had been performed by seasoned flying suit nut-nuts, had been filmed ‘for real’ in downtown Chicago and represented a ‘cinematic first’. As a prospective audience member you would be handing over hard earned cash at the box office to see a faithful documentation of a spectacular event especially staged for Transformers 3. P.T. Barnum would’ve approved of the hoopla and, in industry parlance, ‘awareness’ surrounding this particular action scene. None of your ‘CGI robots that can do anything’ here folks, real life death defying human beings performing a unique stunt. Pass the smelling salts.
But when we see amateur footage on YouTube it IS real. That implies a lot of things including the ghoulish potential that we’ll see a really hideous injury or fatality occur, that the requisite ‘health & safety’ considerations that rule a film set haven’t been adhered to and as a consequence what we see will be far more dangerous.
Simple distinction, right? Well no. What cinema can construct for us should be equally compelling, if no more so, by attaching narrative importance to the action depicted. ‘If these guys fuck up the ENTIRE HUMAN RACE IS DOOMED!’ Compelling.
But not half as compelling as ‘JESUS WEPT, THAT LUNATIC MISSED THAT PINE TREE BY INCHES! FUCK ME HE’S DOING 180mph AND IN SERIOUS DANGER OF GETTING A GRASS STAIN ON HIS KNEES!’-
HEY, HEY YOU ENCROACHING ON HULK SPEAK!
TOM: Deepest apologies green one.
If memory serves me (and did you know that we struggle to form memories of images presented in 3D as easily as those in 2D – MRI scans show quite different patterns of brain activity depending on which format; shit you’ll never hear about from James Cameron) Bay made a basic error in the way in which he covered the sequence. Amateur footage always interpolates two basic camera positions – cameras fixed to the flyer and a straight man at ground level who captures the flyer’s as they ‘blow by’. Edited with a modicum of skill and some groovy techno music there’s always a neat rhythm of exhilarating ‘reach out and touch the sky’ moments punctuated with window shattering near misses which vitally give a sense of speed in relation a fixed position. By contrast Bay’s many methods of covering the same action too often failed to show how fast people were traveling against a static point or tried to enhance that by pushing the camera against the direction of travel. Though, in fairness, this isn’t why the scene failed.
As I’m sure you can tell I’m finding the precise reason a bit nebulous. After all a very similar sequence (strictly ‘sky diving’) in Star Trek was fun and thrilling. It had clearer stakes (stop the bad guys from destroying an entire planet, oh and by the way, the only way to do this, with minutes to spare, is to plummet head first towards a tiny target) but involved a very similar spectacle.
Can that be the only reason why the Transformers scene failed to thrill? The relative irrelevance of why people were performing their stunt? Or is there more to it than that. After all, the people in YouTube clips have no clear objective beyond ‘FUCKING GNARLY THRILL SEEKING’. And by most accounts that shouldn’t be enough to be a compelling ride for the passive observer.
Anyways, I’m all out of synonyms now.
TOM. YOU JUST BLEW HULK’S BRAIN OUT BACK OF HULK’S HEAD.
TOM: Thanks?
NO, THAT WAS TREMENDOUS. VERACITY IS A REALLY INTERESTING COMPONENT TO ACTION. ONCE AGAIN IT ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE TOPICS THAT PROBABLY NEEDS IT’S OWN COLUMNS AND INVOLVES A LOT OF SEMIOTICS AND STUFF. BUT IT REALLY, TRULY RELEVANT TO ASKING US “WHAT ARE WE REALLY RESPONDING TOO?”
AND IT REMINDED HULK OF SOMETHING.
THERE IS ONE LAST TID-BIT TO ADD TO THIS “COOL” CONVERSATION ABOUT STYLE AND IT IS A VERY, VERY IMPORTANT ONE.
THERE ARE DIRECTORS CURRENTLY OUT THERE WHOSE WORK IS SO STEEPED IN THE LANGUAGE OF POPULAR AND CLASSIC GENRE/ACTION/AESTHETICS THAT THEY ARE BOTH DIRECTLY ENGAGING WHAT IS THE CURRENT “COOL” CINEMA AND YET WHOLLY TRANSCEND IT. THIS GROUP OF FILMMAKERS INCLUDES SOMEONE YOU PERHAPS FAMILIAR WITH:
EDGAR WRIGHT.
PICTURED: BADASS
HULK MENTIONING HIM FOR SOLE REASON OF ACKNOWLEDGING THAT THERE IS A WAY OF HANDLING THE DIRECT USE OF IN-VOGUE CINEMATIC STYLINGS WITH A HIGH-WIRE ACT OF NARRATIVE/META FILMMAKING. SHAUN OF THE DEAD, HOT FUZZ, AND SCOTT PILGRIM VS. THE WORLD ARE NOT ONLY HIGHLY PROPULSIVE, HILARIOUS FILMS, BUT MANAGE TO DIRECTLY ENGAGE THE TRENDS AND STYLE OF COOL CINEMA, AND YET SUBVERT IT, YET STILL NAKEDLY LOVE IT, YET FURTHER COMMENT ON IT, AND ULTIMATELY TRANSCEND IT. HE CAN LOOK DIRECTLY INTO THE ID OF BAD BOYS 2 AND FIND A KIND OF WONDERFUL CINEMATIC JOY AND IMBUE THE LANGUAGE OF BAYHEM INTO HIS OWN FULLY-FORMED, UNIQUE CINEMA. BUT WHAT ENSURES THAT ALL THESE HIGHFALUTIN COMPONENTS WORK IS ALWAYS THE FACT THAT HIS MOVIES ARE STEEPED IN NOT JUST THE LANGUAGE OF THE MORE CURRENT CLIMATE, BUT DEEPLY IN THE HISTORY OF ALLCINEMA. AND WAY MORE IMPORTANT THAT ANY OF THIS COMPLICATED STUFF, IS THE FACT THAT HIS MOVIE ARE JUST GREAT, RELATE-ABLE HUMAN STORIES AT THEIR CORE.
TOM: I hear he produces things too.
INDEED! HULK JUST THOUGHT WE REALLY SHOULD ACKNOWLEDGE THAT IT POSSIBLE TO REALLY ENGAGE THE LANGUAGE OF CURRENT CINEMA, BUT THE PROBLEM OF EVEN BRINGING THIS UP IS THAT IT WOULD START SOMETHING THAT IS SOOOOOO NOT A BASICS CONVERSATION. ANALYZING THE DIFFERENT LEVELS THAT HIS FILMS WORK ON (OFTEN SIMULTANEOUSLY) WOULD TAKE SOME SERIOUS DEEP TISSUE ANALYSIS AND THIS SUCKER IS LONG ENOUGH. SO CONSIDER THE DISCUSSION A PROMISE FOR THE FUTURE.
YOU’VE PROBABLY NOTICED THAT THIS PART OF THE ESSAY ON STYLIZATION WAS FAIRLY TANGENTIAL AND SCATTERED IN CONVERSATION, BUT THE NATURE OF THE CONVERSATION SORT OF CALLS FOR IT. THERE’S A LOT MORE ABSTRACT, PSYCHOLOGICAL REASONS FOR THESE PROBLEMS SO BY ADDRESSING EVERYTHING AT PLAY YOU CAN SORT OF GET A CLEARER PICTURE, BUT THERE’S REALLY NO A, B, C THINKING WHEN IT COMES TO WHY PEOPLE OVERLY-STYLIZE THERE FILMS. STILL, HULK THINKS WE’VE SUFFICIENTLY COVERED THE PROBLEMS OF COOL + STYLIZATION RIGHT?
TOM: Er….Safe to say.
MOVING ON!
PART 8 – LOGISTICS, LIMITS, AND THE REALITY OF THE 2ND UNIT
A LOT OF PETER JACKSONS ACTION WORK IS JUST WONDERFUL. IT’S FULL OF WONDER AND AWE, OBJECTIVES, BEATS, CAUSE + EFFECT AND ALL THAT GREAT STUFF. AND THEN THERE FEW SCENES THAT ARE SORT OF INFAMOUSLY BAD AND PEOPLE TOTALLY POOP ON THEM. FOR INSTANCE, PETER JACKSON SOMETIMES GETS CRAP FOR THE LAME WIZARD FIGHT SCENE IN FELLOWSHIP. AND TO BE HONEST, YEAH, THE FIGHT SCENE PRETTY LAME.
HERE’S THE PROBLEM… PETER JACKSON DIDN’T FILM IT.
IT WASN’T EVEN FILMED BY THE 2ND UNIT DIRECTOR, BUT ONE OF THE MANY 3RD UNIT DIRECTORS. IF HULK REMEMBERING THE DOCUMENTARY RIGHT, HE WAS SOME FRESH FACED KID GETTING CALLED UP TO THE MAJORS. AND TO BE FAIR HE HANDLES THE EMOTION OF THE SCENE RIGHT AND THAT’S WHAT MATTERS, BUT THE ACTION ITSELF PRETTY AWKWARDLY STAGED.
HOW DOES SOMETHING LIKE THIS HAPPEN? HOW CAN JACKSON LET IT SLIP THROUGH THE CRACKS? WELL. LET’S LOOK AT THE DIRECTING/2ND UNIT CREDITS OF FELLOWSHIP SHALL WE?
additional second assistant director: second unit (uncredited)
YOUR REACTION: HOLY CRAP THAT A LOT OF PEOPLE.
HULK + TOM’S REACTION: THIS THE REALITY OF BIG-BUDGET FILMMAKING.
IN ALL LIKELIHOOD, EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE IS EITHER SOLELY RESPONSIBLE OR PARTIALLY RESPONSIBLE FOR A SHOT THAT ENDED UP IN THE FINAL MOVIE. WITH THE VAST NUMBER OF LOCATIONS, HUGE PRODUCTION CREWS, AND DAUNTING SCHEDULES, ACTION SCENES JUST TAKE WAY, WAY, WAY TOO MUCH TIME TO BE SOLELY HANDLED BY THE MAIN DIRECTOR. AND HONESTLY, DIRECTING ACTION IS PRETTY FREAKING BORING COMPARED TO THE NUANCE OF HANDLING AN ACTING PERFORMANCE. THIS IS NOT TO IMPLY DIRECTING ACTION NOT A VERY EXACTING PRACTICE. IN FACT, IT REQUIRE SUCH PATIENCE AND SKILL BECAUSE IT SO DAMN MONOTONOUS, THAT IT TAKES SERIOUS CHOPS. BUT SO MUCH OF IT JUST COMES DOWN TO SPENDING FOREVER TRYING TO GET THE NATURAL CHAOS TO FALL INTO PLACE JUST RIGHT.
TOM: have you read Vic Armstrong’s autobiography? It’s a nonsense ‘aeroplane’ book but very telling. It’s distressing to read how ‘action’ is seconded away from the director ALL THE TIME. Who’s film is it then? Action scenes are the raison d’être of summer tentpoles but I still want an auteurs stamp on everything. Tone & character are built on the specifics of these shots and sequences and editing style as much as anything else. It’s an unfortunate function of Hollywood economics and working practises that one ends up with essentially two authors on action films. The flip side of course is people like Chris Nolan. Highly publicised rejection of 2nd unit but shitty bad action director as well 😦
HULK HAS NOT READ IT, BUT WILL DEFINITELY CHECK IT OUT NOW. BUT YOU’RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. MOST OF OUR ACTION IS BEING DIRECTED BY PEOPLE WE DON’T KNOW, LIKE IN THE CREDITS ABOVE. THIS IS NOT TO IMPLY 2ND UNIT DIRECTORS AND THEIR CREWS BAD OR LACKING IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM (HONESTLY MOST OF THEM PRETTY AMAZING), BUT IT SPEAKS TO YOUR EXACT POINT CONCERNING THE “AUTEUR STAMP.” WE ALWAYS WANT THAT SPECIAL THING THAT IS HANDLED BY THE VERY BEST CINEMATIC MINDS.
THAT AMAZING COEN BROTHER SCENE IN NO COUNTRY? THAT WASN’T SECOND UNIT. NO, THAT STUFF WAS PERSONALLY HANDLED BY THE TWO OF THEM AND HULK THINK THAT COMES ACROSS COMPLETELY.
BUT WITH THE BIG BUDGET STUFF, EVEN IF THE SEQUENCE BEEN STORY-BOARDED COMPLETELY, THE REALITY AND PRACTICALITY ON-SET JUST A DIFFERENT THING. EVEN SOMETHING AS SIMPLE AS A DIFFERENT LENS MAKES IT A DIFFERENT SHOT COMPLETE WITH A DIFFERENT FEELING. SOMETIMES A DIRECTOR JUST HAS TO ACCEPT THAT IT’S OUT OF THEIR HANDS. HULK BEEN IN THE ROOM WHILE DIRECTORS WATCHED DAILIES OF STUFF DONE BY 2ND UNIT AND EVEN IF IT NOT EXACTLY WHAT THEY WANT, THEY HAVE MAKE THAT DECISION OF IF THEY WANT RE-SHOOT IT. WHICH NOT ONLY COSTS LOTS OF MONEY/FUCKS UP THE SCHEDULE, IT TAKES UP TREMENDOUS AMOUNT ENERGY AND FOCUS, WHICH CAN OFTEN BE SPENT IN BETTER WAYS.
A LOT OF TIMES THEY RIGHTFULLY RECOGNIZE THAT WORKING ON A DRAMATIC SCENE IS WAY MORE IMPORTANT
AND BY THE WAY TOM, HULK COMPLETELY AGREE ON YOUR NOLAN POINT. AND SO DOES THIS GUY WHO HAS A VERY POPULAR VIDEO GOING AROUND THE INTERWEBS NOW. HE APPROACHES IT WITH EDITOR-LIKE PRECISION THAT WHOLLY ON POINT, BUT HULK WISH HE’D BRING A FEW MORE QUALIFIERS IN BEFORE HE STARTED TALKING. IN TERMS OF EDUCATION IT LOOSES PEOPLE TOO QUICK… ALSO, SALT? REALLY?
BACK TO THE POINT, NOLAN HAS INCREDIBLE STRENGTHS AS DIRECTOR AND HULK ADORES INCEPTION, BUT INDEED. THE VAST MAJORITY OF HIS BASIC ACTION = CRAP. AND WHAT IS PERHAPS MOST ODD ABOUT IT, IS THAT HE’LL THEN HAVE THESE PARTS OF SEQUENCES THAT ARE SO FANTASTIC (THE TUMBLING DREAM HALLWAY, THE BATPOD EJECTION, THE 18 WHEELER FLIP) THAT PRETTY MUCH REDEEM EVERYTHING ABOUT THE SEQUENCE. HULK JUST THINKS IT’S STRANGE THAT PEOPLE THINK HE A GOOD ACTION DIRECTOR. HIS ACTION MOSTLY WORKS BECAUSE HE USUALLY MAKES REALLY, REALLY GOOD MOVIES FIRST (AND THE AFOREMENTIONED GREAT MOMENTS ROUND IT OUT). BUT HULK WORRIES THAT PEOPLE ONLY GO NUTS FOR NOLAN BECAUSE HE MAKE THESE SUPER-SERIOUS MOVIES WHICH LEGITIMIZE PULPY STUFF. DOES IT REALLY NEED TO BE LEGITIMIZED LIKE THAT? OR HECK MAYBE PEOPLE LIKE HIM FOR THE SAME REASON HULK DOES, HE’S NOT AFRAID TO BE COMPLICATED, NARRATIVE-WISE OR CHARACTER MORALITY-WISE.
BUT YOU’RE RIGHT TOM, IT REALLY JUST MAKES THE WHOLE “NO 2ND UNIT” THING KIND OF SILLY.
TOM: They’d likely help.
THE ISSUE INFORMS ANOTHER ONE THOUGH…
AS DEEP AS HULK DIVES INTO MEANING AND SEMIOTICS OF MISE EN SCENE FOR THESE CRITICAL ESSAYS, HULK ALSO HAVE ONE FOOT IN THE REALISM OF PRODUCTION LOGISTICS. THERE IS THE FAMOUS ANECDOTE (THAT HULK IS ABOUT TO POSSIBLY BUTCHER) ABOUT A REPORTER ASKING KUROSAWA WHY HE CHOSE TO COMPOSE A CERTAIN SHOT THE WAY HE DID. KUROSAWA ANSWERED HONESTLY: [BECAUSE THERE WAS A SHOPPING MALL TO THE LEFT OF THE FRAME AND A HIGHWAY TO THE RIGHT OF IT]. IT’S SUCH AN AMAZING ANECDOTE, BECAUSE IT’S TRUE. HALF THE TIME THAT WILL BE THE CASE WITH ANY GIVEN SHOT. THERE ARE REAL LIMITS TO THESE THINGS.
FOR ALL HULK’S TALK OF “ACTION IS SO SIMPLE! BE SMARTER’ HULK KNOWS THAT MAKING AN ACTION SCENE IS REALLY NOT EASY WHATSOEVER.
THE FOLLOWING IS A PERSONAL STORY TO HIGHLIGHT: HULK ONCE WORKED ON A SCENE AND BUDGET-WISE HULK X AMOUNT OF TIME TO FILM IT. THERE WAS NO WIGGLE ROOM AND NO EXTRA MONEY. NOW YOU WILL KNOW THAT HULK LOVES “TAUT FILMMAKING” AND HULK HAD ENTIRE ACTION SEQUENCE STORY-BOARDED AND FULLY PLANNED WITH D.P. BUT THE PROCESS OF TRYING TO GET THE ACTION TO WORK IN A LOCKED FRAME, WAS QUITE SIMPLY TAKING FAR TOO LONG, DESPITE THE FACT WE WERE MOVING FAIRLY QUICKLY AND THE FOOTAGE WAS COMING OUT GREAT. BUT NOT FINISHING WAS SIMPLY NOT AN OPTION. SO WE ADAPTED IN TWO WAYS: UNLOCKING THE HEAD TO MOVE THE CAMERA AND BE SURE OUR ACTION WAS ACTUALLY CAPTURED IN FRAME, BUT THUS AFFECTING THE STILL AND “TAUT” TONE WE WANTED. AT THE SAME TIME, WE HAD TO ABANDON OUR PLAN TO ALTERNATE OUR SET-UP POSITIONS SO THAT THE ACTORS POSITIONS IN THE “GEOGRAPHY” WERE KEPT AS COHERENT AS POSSIBLE. BOTH DECISIONS ALTERED THE FINAL PRODUCT AND GAVE US A “MESSIER” SCENE THAN WE INTENDED, BUT THE DECISIONS WERE WHOLLY NECESSARY. WE ADAPTED THE BEST WE COULD IN THE EDIT AND STILL MADE THE WHOLE THING WORK. WAS OUR ORIGINAL PLAN TOO AMBITIOUS? MAYBE. SHOULD WE HAVE SCHEDULED EXTRA TIME? ABSOLUTELY. BUT THIS THE REALITY OF ALL FILMMAKERS. IT DOESN’T MATTER IF YOU’RE A BIG BUDGET FILM, BECAUSE IF YOU ARE THAT MEANS YOU PROBABLY HAVE A MOVIE STAR. AND IN CASE YOU ARE UNAWARE, MOVIE STARS HAVE SET TIME LIMITS AND CRAZY SCHEDULES SO THEY’RE ALWAYS OFF TO THE NEXT PROJECT. THE TIME CONSTRAINTS ON BIG BUDGET FILMS ARE NOT BETTER, THEY ARE WORSE. AND THE PRESSURES CAN COME FROM ANY AND ALL PLACES: WEATHER, HEALTH PROBLEMS, YOU NAME IT! BUT YOU HAVE TO BE READY TO ROLL WITH THE PUNCHES.
WHICH WHY WE MUST UNDERSTAND THIS A HUMAN PROCESS. THERE IS NO PRESS THE “GOOD ACTION SEQUENCE BUTTON” IN AN EDIT BAY.
BUT AT THE VERY SAME TIME, HULK & TOM’S ENTIRE ARGUMENT THAT WE CAN STILL DO BETTER. WE CAN STRIVE TO UNDERSTAND WHAT WE DOING WITH CINEMA AS BEST AS POSSIBLE. AND THE MORE WE PREPARE, THE MORE WE INHERENTLY UNDERSTAND WHAT MAKES AN ACTION SCENE WORK, THE BETTER WE CAN DEAL WITH KNOWING HOW ON-SET CHANGES WILL EFFECT THE SCENE’S STORY AND TONE, AND THUS, THE MORE WE WILL BE ABLE CONTROL WHAT SHOWS UP IN THE FINAL PRODUCT. WE JUST CAN’T LOSE SIGHT OF THE CORE PRINCIPALS. LIKE WITH THE CAUSE + EFFECT THING. THERE IS A REASON HULK SPENT SO MUCH TIME WITH THIS PART AND IT IS BECAUSE HULK THINKS PEOPLE LOST SIGHT OF IT.
PART 9 – EPILOGUE / YOU
SO CONSIDER THIS LAST BIT A PIECE OF ADVICE-
TOM: Wait, I was promised Ewoks.
HULK TRYING TO BE POIGNANT HERE.
TOM: Sorry.
TO THOSE WHO WATCH MOVIES AND CRITIQUE THEM, HULK & TOM WANT YOU TO HAVE MORE OF A DISCERNING EYE TOWARD WHAT MAKES ACTION WORK. RECOGNIZE WHAT WE CAN DO BETTER BUT ALSO REALIZE WHY WE MAY FALL SHORT. TRY AND RECOGNIZE WHAT MIGHT BE THE FAULT OF POOR CONCEPT AND WHAT MIGHT BE THE THE RESULT OF PRODUCTION LOGISTICS. FOR EXAMPLE ONE AWFUL CUT IN A SEQUENCE IS A PRODUCTION MIS-STEP, WHEREAS 8 OKAY CUTS SHOWS POOR CONCEPT AND UNDERSTANDING. SEE? IT NOT THAT HARD! JUST REMEMBER THAT IN THE WAKE OF REALITY, THERE ARE HUMAN BEINGS INVOLVED.
AND FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO WISH TO GO FORWARD AND MAKE YOUR OWN PIECES OF ACTION?
AT THIS POINT, IT SHOULD BE OBVIOUS THAT FILMMAKING IS INCREDIBLY DIFFICULT. IT TAKES TIME TO UNDERSTAND AND GET BETTER AT IT. THERE ARE REASON YOU ARE A “YOUNG” DIRECTOR AT 35. AND EVEN IF YOU KNOW EVERYTHING THAT IS THE “RIGHT” THING TO DO, YOU WILL MAKE THE WRONG DECISIONS IN MOMENT. BUT WITH REPEATED EXPERIENCE IT WILL WILL COME TOGETHER. IF YOU KEEP YOUR MIND OPEN, EVERYTHING YOU WILL NEED TO LEARN WILL BE TAUGHT TO YOU IN THE ACTUAL PROCESS OF DOING IT. EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT WHAT TO INCLUDE IN SHOOTING-SCRIPTS YOU WILL LEARN IN PRE-PRODUCTION (“IS IT STILL THE SAME DAY?” “WHAT CLOTHES ARE THEY WEARING?”). EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO DO IN PRE-PRODUCTION YOU WILL LEARN IN PRODUCTION (“HEY WAIT, WHERE ARE PEOPLE GOING TO GO TO THE BATHROOM?”). EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO LEARN ABOUT PRODUCTION YOU WILL LEARN IN EDITING (“YEAH, GUESS WE REALLY NEEDED A PICK-UP SHOT THERE… FUCK.”) AND EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO LEARN IN EDITING YOU WILL LEARN ONCE THE WORK IS RELEASED (“I GUESS THAT SCENE DIDN’T WORK” OR “THAT DIDN’T GET A LAUGH” OR “MAYBE THAT RUINED THE MOVIE AFTER ALL”). AND THE NEXT TIME YOU START OVER YOU WILL KNOW EVEN MORE AND THEN IT IS JUST A PROCESS OF GETTING BETTER.
AND MORE SPECIFICALLY, TAKE THE FOLLOWING PIECES OF ADVICE ON YOUR ACTION SCENES:
DON’T THINK OF SOMETHING COOL.
THINK OF A PROBLEM/THREAT AND THEN FIGURE OUT HOW THE CHARACTER COULD SOLVE IT.
THINK ABOUT LINKING THAT PROBLEM IN A SERIES OF PROBLEMS.
THINK ABOUT LAYING THE GROUND WORK AND SETTING FIRST.
THINK ABOUT GIVING THE ACTION SPACE.
THINK ABOUT CLARITY.
THINK ABOUT PURPOSE.
THINK ABOUT CAUSE + EFFECT.
THINK OF IT IS AS A STORY.
AND WITH THAT…
WE ARE ROOTING FOR YOU ALL WITH THE FULL SINCERITY OF OUR HEARTS,
AND WE WISH YOU WAY MORE THAN LUCK.
❤ HULK & TOM
HULK HAVE NO IDEA WHY TOM IS PIPPEN
TOM: Thanks?
IT’S OVER!
ENDNOTES!
(12A) BUT DO NOT DARE CONFUSE WITH TODAY’S POPULARITY OF THE DOCU-STYLE FILMMAKING TREND “FOUND FOOTAGE.” THEY ARE VERY, VERY DIFFERENT THINGS.
(12B) SORRY FOR THE FOOTNOTES SO CLOSE TOGETHER. HULK TRY BE BETTER AT THAT BUT SOMETIMES IT IMPORTANT. HULK JUST SIMPLY HAVE TO MENTION THAT THIS IS ABSOLUTELY NOT TO IMPLY THAT TRADITIONAL, STYLIZED CINEMA CANNOT FEEL “REAL.” IF YOU WRAP UP YOUR AUDIENCE IN THE STORY AND EXPERIENCE THEN ALL CINEMA, WHETHER ANIMATED OR SURREAL, CAN BE TRANSPORT YOU SOMEPLACE “REAL.” AND THAT IS THE TRUE MAGIC. THE POINT WITH SHAKY-CAM IS THAT IT CAN BE USED TO MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE “THIS IS THE REAL WORLD YOU’RE IN RIGHT NOW” IN A SLIGHTED MORE GROUNDED, TONAL WAY. THAT’S ALL.
(12C) THERE WERE OF COURSE MANY MOVIES AND TV SHOWS THAT USED IT BEAUTIFULLY: IT MADE PERFECT SENSE FOR THE INTENSITY OF THE SHIELD AND FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS USED IT FOR HUMANITARIAN AIMS. BUT ONE PLACE WHERE SHAKY-CAM WORKED SO WELL AGAINST SEEMING INTUITION WAS WITH THE NEW BATTLESTAR GALACTICA. SHAKY-CAM WORKED FOR THEM BECAUSE THEY DECIDED THAT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO THEIR TONE WAS TO GROUND THE VIEWER IN THE REALISM OF THEIR SCI-FI WORLD. MEANING IT WAS NOT TO SIMPLY MAKE “SILLY” SCI-FI SEEM MORE REALISTIC, BUT TO AMPLIFY THE TONE OF A SHOW THAT WAS ALREADY STRIVING TOWARD REALISM. MAKE SENSE?
(12D) AND TO BE COMPLETELY FAIR, MICHAEL BAY IS ALSO TERRIBLE AT STORYTELLING.
(13) CONSIDER THIS PART OF HULK’S BELIEF THAT IT NEVER GOOD TO TRY AND DISMISS SOMEONE COMPLETELY… IN THAT CASE YOU’D ALSO HAVE TO IGNORE FOOTNOTE #12.
(14A) NOT TO BEAT THIS DRUM AGAIN, BUT HULK WANT CLARIFY THAT HULK’S THESIS ON “COOL” ACTION SOMETHING HULK STARTED BEFORE THIS ARTICLE COME UP. IF HULK SEEM OVERLY-WORRYING AGAIN IT JUST A MATTER OF WANTING TO CLARIFY HULK NOT LIFTING IDEAS. WE SO USE TO PEOPLE LIFTING IDEAS IN INTERNET CULTURE IT ACTUALLY WORRY HULK. BESIDES, THE FACT THAT LOTS OF PEOPLE ARE SAYING THE SAME THING MORE SPEAKS TO THE FACT THAT THIS ISSUE IS THE REAL F’ING DEAL: ACTION-CRAZY HOLLYWOOD HAS NO IDEA WHAT TO DO WITH ACTION.
(14B) SECOND D+D REFERENCE OF COLUMN! SHIT GETTIN NERDY UP IN HERE!
(15) AND YET AS MUCH AS TRAILERS WANT TO SELL A “VIBE” THEY ALSO HAVE THE PECULIAR TENDENCY TO GIVE AWAY BIG BLOCKS OF STORY, IF NOT ALL OF IT. WHAT’S FUNNY IS THAT TRAILERS ARE SO COMPLETE IN WHAT THEY COVER OF THE PLOT, THAT THEY ESSENTIALLY CREATE 2 MINUTE VERSIONS OF THE MOVIE. PEOPLE THEN GO TO THE THEATER KNOWING ALL THE MAJOR BEATS THAT ARE COMING AND THEY ESSENTIALLY THEREFORE SEEKING A THEATRICAL EXPERIENCE OF THE COOL TRAILER THEY WATCHED. CONCEPTUALLY, IT IS DOWNRIGHT BIZARRE. HULK ALSO KNOW FROM PERSONAL EXPERIENCE THAT THIS TRAILER CHOICE STEMS FROM ONE POORLY WORDED QUESTION. SEE, MARKETING “EXPERTS” USE FOCUS GROUPS TO TEST TRAILERS WITH RANDOM VIEWERS AND ASK THE SAID VERY STUPID QUESTION: “WHAT WOULD YOU WANT TO SEE MORE OF IN THIS TRAILER?” 90% OF MEN SAY “MORE EXPLOSIONS AND BOOBS.” AND 90% OF WOMEN SAY “I WANTED TO KNOW MORE OF THE STORY.” IT’S OUTRIGHT FACT. AND AS A RESULT, WE GET TRAILERS THAT ARE NOTHING BUT EXPLOSIONS, BOOBS, AND THE WHOLE DAMN STORY. WHAT THE MARKETING “EXPERTS” NOT REALIZE WHATSOEVER THAT THEY ESSENTIALLY ASKING A QUESTION THAT LEADS THE AUDIENCE TO A CONCLUSION THAT UNDERMINES THE INTENTION OF MARKETING. MARKETING IS MEANT TO LEAD SOMEONE TO SAY “I WANT MORE OF WHAT I JUST GOT A TASTE OF THERE.” INSTEAD THEY ESSENTIALLY GIVING PEOPLE A COMPLETE PRODUCT EXPERIENCE IN AN EFFORT TO SATISFY THEM RIGHT THEN AND THERE, BARELY REALIZING THEY JUST RUINED IT. THEY THINK THEY ARE SELLING SOMETHING “SATISFYING” BUT THEY ARE UNKNOWINGLY MAKING TRAILERS IN HOPES THE TRAILER-VIEWER THEN GOES “I WANT TO DO THAT AGAIN.” IT IS WHOLLY WRONG-HEADED… THEN AGAIN, YOU COULD GO IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION LIKE J.J. ABRAMS AND TEASE AND PRETEND EVERYTHING ABOUT YOUR STORY A MYSTERY EVEN IF ITS NOT… HULK’S POINT IS THAT, LIKE NEARLY EVERYTHING, IT’S ABOUT BALANCE.
