HULK WANT TALK ABOUT MASTERPIECES FOR A MOMENT IF YOU NO MIND.
FOR PHRASE THROWN AROUND LOT, IT SOMETHING NOT AS WELL-DEFINED AS SHOULD BE. SURE, WHEN SOMEONE SAY MASTERPIECE WE UNDERSTAND THE IMPLICATION; IT MEAN “BEST OF THE BEST” OR “TIMELESS” OR SOMETHING OF EQUAL MEASURE. BUT WHAT WE NO CAN AGREE ON = WHAT IT TAKE FOR MOVIE TO GET SUCH RAREFIED STATUS.
IN INTEREST OF UNDERSTANDING, HULK GOING ATTEMPT DEFINE MASTERPIECE AS FOLLOWING: A FILM THAT SEEK TO ACCOMPLISH SOMETHING (OFTEN VERY SPECIFIC) AND IT EXECUTE THAT GOAL (OR SET OF GOALS) FLAWLESSLY THROUGHOUT.
OK, THAT STILL LEAVE LOTS OF GRAY AREA. HULK WANT ILLUSTRATE BETTER. FOR EXAMPLE, PEOPLE MIGHT ARGUE “WELL, MICHAEL BAY JUST HAVE GOAL OF ENTERTAINING YOU AND THROW COOL ACTION ON SCREEN. ARE THEY MASTERPIECES TOO?” NO. NOT AT ALL. IF YOU SAY THAT THEN YOU AN IDIOT WHO TOTALLY MISSING POINT. THE GOAL CANNOT BE “MAKE YOU LAUGH A FEW TIMES” AND IT CAN NO BE “KEEP YOU OCCUPIED FOR 2 HOURS.” UNLIKE MICHAEL BAY MONSTROSITIES, AN AUDIENCE MEMBER CAN LOOK AT EVERY SCENE OF A MASTERPIECE AND SAY THIS SCENE DIRECTLY AIMING TOWARD ONE OF THE GOALS OF MOVIE AND THEN IT EXECUTE SAID GOAL BEAUTIFULLY.
IT CAN BE ANY GOAL REALLY: ESTABLISHING CHARACTER, MOTIVATION, PLOT, TONE, EVEN JUST PROVIDING A MOMENTARY THRILL (BUT OFTEN YOU NEED TO EXECUTE THAT OTHER STUFF TO GET PEOPLE TO CARE ABOUT THE THRILL). LOOK AT MOVIES WITH PERFECTLY TOLD PLOT ECONOMY, LIKE THE FRENCH CONNECTION OR ALL THE PRESIDENT’S MEN. LOOK AT CHARACTER PIECES LIKE CITIZEN KANE, WHICH PEEL BACK LAYERS TO SHOW THE COMPLETE PICTURE OF A TRAGIC HUMAN BEING. THEY CAN BE MASTERPIECES OF VISUAL AND LANDSCAPE STORYTELLING LIKE THE WORK OF TERENCE MALICK. OR LOOK AT TONAL MASTERPIECES LIKE 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY, WHICH SHAPE A PICTURE OF HUMANITY IN THE COSMIC SCALE USING LARGELY SYMBOLIC MEANS. AND FOR SOME REASON, SOCIETY THINK MASTERPIECES CAN ONLY BE HIGH-BROW FARE. HULK CONSIDER SPIDER-MAN 2 JUST AS MUCH A MASTERPIECE AS ANY OF THOSE OTHER MOVIES. IT A FILM THAT BEST CAPTURE BOTH GOLDEN AGE SPIRIT OF COMICS, BUT ALSO THE THINGS COMICS ABOUT: HEROISM, DUTY, AND BALANCING LIFE AMIDST THOSE DIFFICULTIES. WE MAY TAKE THOSE CONCEPTS FOR GRANTED, BUT NO FILM DONE IT BETTER. AND THEN THERE ABSURD COMEDIES LIKE DUCK SOUP WHICH AIM AND SUCCEED IN PILING GAG AFTER GAG OF LAUGHS ON TOP OF ONE ANOTHER AT LUDICROUS PACE. THERE HORROR MOVIES LIKE HALLOWEEN AND LET THE RIGHT ONE IN WHICH DELIVER PERFECT FRAME AFTER FRAME OF QUIET, UNSETTLING ATMOSPHERE AND EVEN BETTER HORRIFIC CONCEPTS THAT KEEP AUDIENCE GOING LONG AFTER THE JUMP SCARES. ALL THESE MOVIES AIMING AT DIFFERENT THINGS, BUT ALL THESE MOVIES SUCCEED BRILLIANTLY. BETTER YET, THEY OFTEN TRANSCEND THE SHACKLES OF THEIR GENRE OR SIMPLE AIMS TO BECOME SOMETHING MORE. WE USE WORDS LIKE “CLASSICS” BUT WHAT WE REALLY SAYING IS THEY STRIKE DEEP INTO THE HEARTS OF THEIR AUDIENCE, NO MATTER HOW GENERAL OR SPECIFIC THAT AUDIENCE MAY BE.
IN OTHER WORDS, A MASTERPIECE HAS TO BE THE BEST POSSIBLE VERSION OF WHAT IT TRYING TO BE.
SO LET HULK GET DOWN TO IT: ATTACK THE BLOCK = A FUCKING MASTERPIECE.
THE POSTER PERHAPS NOT CONVEY THAT
*** NOTE: IF HULK HAD WORD LIMIT HULK WOULD TALK ABOUT ONE THING IN THIS FILM VERY SPECIFICALLY AND IT AT BOTTOM. AS MUCH AS HULK WANTED TO TALK ABOUT THIS ASPECT AND ONLY THIS ASPECT FOR WHAT MAKE THE FILM SO GREAT, IT REALLY MAKE MORE SENSE LOGICALLY TO END WITH IT… BUT STILL, THIS A LONG REVIEW AND HULK REALLY WANT YOU READ THE LAST PART MOST OF ALL. SO IF INTEREST WANING AT POINT IN THIS, SKIM TO BOTTOM TO WHERE YOU SEE THESE AGAIN *** THANKS – HULK.
BACK TO REVIEWING THE MASTERPIECE!
THE PLOT DESCRIPTION OF ATTACK THE BLOCK RATHER STRAIGHTFORWARD: FIVE URBAN YOUTHS FROM THE SOUTH LONDON PROJECTS DEFEND THEIR HOME WHEN ALIENS ATTACK FROM THE SKY. A FEW OF YOU MAY BE SHAKING YOUR HEADS. SERIOUSLY, HULK? YOU CALLING SOMETHING LIKE THAT A MASTERPIECE? YIKES.
FIRST OFF, YES.
SECOND OFF, HULK JUST SPEND GIANT PARAGRAPH EXPLAINING HOW ANY KIND OF FILM CAN BE MASTERPIECE SO YOU NOT REALLY LISTENING.
THIRD OFF, MOST EVERYONE ELSE HULK KNOW WHO SEEN IT HAD EXTREMELY POSITIVE REACTION TOO.
FOURTH OFF, IF IN VERY LEAST YOU JUST WANT A GOOD FUN/SCARY MOVIE THEN IT PLAY LIKE GANGBUSTERS.
FIFTH OFF, YOU SHOULD PROBABLY EMBRACE MORE GENRE STUFF. JUST SAYIN.
OKAY, BACK TO WHAT IMPORTANT. ATTACK THE BLOCK MAY BE TRYING TO SIMPLY MAKE EFFECTIVE “LOCALIZED INVASION” MOVIE, BUT IT DO SO ON A WHOLLY STUNNING LEVEL. FOR A SMALL BUDGET /SMALL LOCATION, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ABOUT THE PRODUCTION FEEL LIMITED. THE CAMERA WORK REEK OF EXPERT CARE. IT GIVE GREAT SENSE OF GEOGRAPHY AND SPACING. AND ANY TINY BIT OF STYLIZATION ONLY DONE FOR MAXIMUM EMOTIONAL IMPACT. THE EDITING? RAZOR SHARP AND FOCUSED. EVERY CHASE BREATHLESS. EVERY ATTACK PULSE POUNDING. EVERY QUIET MOMENT = TENSION-FILLED. HECK, EVERY JOKE BETTER TIMED THEN IT WRITTEN (A MAGNIFICENT COMPLIMENT). IT ONE OF THE FEW PULPY MOVIES THAT UNDERSTAND TENSION > GORE AND ACT ACCORDINGLY. BUT AT TIMES WHEN GORE CALLED FOR, THEY PUNCTUATE SO THE IMPACT DEEPLY FELT IN CHARACTERS. AND THE SOUNDTRACK, GOOD GOD, THE SOUNDTRACK… IT ABSOLUTELY PROPULSIVE. IT NOT JUST COMPLIMENT TONE AND MOOD BUT CREATE THEM. IT HAVE THIS INESCAPABLE TEXTURE AND RHYTHM. IT ON THE LIST OF HANDFUL OF MOVIE SCORES THAT HULK WANTED TO FIND IMMEDIATELY AND BUY AFTER SEEING (OTHER RECENT EXAMPLES: ONCE, THE SOCIAL NETWORK).
NEEDLESS FOR HULK SAY, JOE CORNISH AND HIS TEAM TO BE COMMENDED FOR SOME TOP-FLIGHT FILMMAKING. HULK VERY EXCITED ABOUT THEIR FUTURE.
HULK EXPECTING SOME VERY GOOD MOVIES FROM THIS GUY
“TRUTH.”
AND DESPITE THIS ALL-CONSUMING PROFESSIONALISM THERE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING HOMOGENIZED ABOUT ATTACK THE BLOCK. THESE ACTORS NEVER SEEN BEFORE. THEY, LIKE THE MOVIE, COMPLETELY EARNEST. IT ONLY HELP CEMENT WHAT FEEL DEEPLY ORIGINAL. CUE: THE GREAT LOOKING MONSTERS! THEY SOMETHING BETWEEN XENOMORPHS AND GORILLAS, ALL WITH WITH ONE DISTINCT, REOCCURRING VISUAL CUE THAT SO GOOD HULK NOT WANT TO SPOIL. LIKE THE MONSTERS, THE SETTING OF THE FILM VIBRANT AND FRESH, YET THERE NO INTEREST IN BEING MYOPIC. THE AUDIENCE GET UNDERSTAND THE WORLD OF THE FILM WITHIN MINUTES.
FUCK… THERE SO MANY GREAT ASPECTS TO THE FILM THAT HULK JUST GO ON LISTING. WHICH MAKE FOR KIND OF CRAPPY REVIEW SO HULK GOING TO STOP. IT ALL AMOUNT TO REALLY WELL-MADE FILM. SO LET’S TALK ABOUT THE STORY…
ACTUALLY, BEFORE DISCUSSING THE STORY, IT FIRST IMPORTANT TO TALK ABOUT BLACK CINEMA IN THIS COUNTRY… OR THE COMPLETE LACK THERE OF; FOR EVERY DAUGHTERS OF THE DUST OR DO THE RIGHT THING, THERE 1 AMISTAD, 15 SOUL FOODS, OR 37 TYLER PERRY MOVIES. THE MODERN BLACK FILMMAKING MOVEMENT HAD SO MUCH PROMISE IN EARLY 80S, BUT IT NEARLY AND COMPLETELY DISINTEGRATED. IT AMAZING TO HULK THAT SPIKE LEE GET SO MUCH CRAP WHEN HE SEEMINGLY THE ONLY ATTEMPTING TO PUT OUT CULTURALLY RELEVANT FILMS. THE TRUTH IS THAT AFRICAN-AMERICAN CINEMA (LIKE NEARLY ALL HOLLYWOODIZED CINEMAS) HAS BECOME A NAKEDLY PANDERING ECONOMIC ENTERPRISE. SEEMINGLY EVERY MOVIE INVOLVE OVERTLY SIMPLE FAMILY DRAMA WITH HAM-FISTED MESSAGES AND THIS WHOLE OVERT CHRISTIAN THING… LET BE PLAIN ABOUT THIS. THERE ONLY ONE GOAL TO THESE MOVIES AND IT TO GET AN ENTIRE AFRICAN-AMERICAN FAMILY IN THE THEATER TO WATCH IT. THIS NOT OVER STATING. HULK WORK ENOUGH YEARS IN MARKETING TO CONFIRM THIS NOT ONLY TRUE, BUT THE ONLY TRUTH OF “BLACK CINEMA.” HOLLYWOOD WILL NOT MAKE AFRICAN AMERICAN FILMS UNLESS THEY AIMED AT WHAT THEY CALL THE “AFTER-CHURCH FAMILIES.”
WHY NOT? BECAUSE THAT THEY ONLY THING THAT CAN MAKE ENOUGH MONEY AS A “BLACK ONLY” AUDIENCE. AND ALSO BECAUSE AFRICAN-AMERICAN FAMILIES GO TO THE FREAKING MOVIES TOO. THEY SEE GENRE STUFF. THEY SEE COMIC BOOK MOVIES AND HORROR MOVIES. HATE TO BREAK IT TO THE ASSUMPTIVE WHITE FOLK BUT THEY SEE THE KINGS SPEECH TOO. THEY SEE EVERYTHING WE SEE. WHY? BECAUSE THEY’RE FUCKING HUMAN BEINGS. SADLY, BECAUSE OF THIS OBVIOUS FACT, NO MARKETING EXEC WILLING TO TAKE A CHANCE ON HAVING RACIALLY DIVERSE CAST SO NO ONE ITCHING TO MAKE SOMETHING MAINSTREAM THAT COULD POSSIBLY BE PERCEIVED AS A “BLACK FILM” UNLESS IT STAR WILL SMITH (AND AGAIN, THIS DUE TO FACT THEY DIG THEMSELVES IN WHOLE BY MAKING PANDERING FILMS AIMED SQUARELY AT AFTER CHURCH AFRICAN-AMERICAN FAMILIES)… AFRICAN-AMERICAN CINEMA IN DIRE STRAIGHTS RIGHT NOW.
AND IT MAKE ATTACK THE BLOCK SO FUCKING REFRESHING.
LET PUT THIS IN PERSPECTIVE: 1) THIS FILM STAR FIVE, YOUNG BLACK LEADS. 2) IN A MOVIE THAT BEING MARKETED TO BLACK AND WHITE AUDIENCES ALIKE. 3) IT HAVE NO INTEREST IN HAM-FISTED “RACISM IS BAD!” MESSAGES WITH THAT PARTICULAR AFTER-SCHOOL SPECIAL CANDOR AND 4) IT FULLY EMBRACE THE CULTURAL URBAN IMPRINT, WHILE TRANSCENDING THAT IMPRINT ALL TOGETHER TO BECOME SOMETHING MORE.
WELL GOD DAMN IF THAT AIN’T A FUCKING MIRACLE. HELL, ONE OF ONLY OTHER MOVIE HULK CAN THING OF LIKE THAT = SPIKE LEE’S INSIDE MAN.
SPIKE LEE MADE EXECUTING A HEIST FILM WITH PESONALITY LOOK SO FUCKING EASY IT KEEP HULK UP AT NIGHT
SO YEAH, ATTACK THE BLOCK TAKE PLACE IN LONDON, BUT SUCKS TO THAT. THIS ALL ENCOMPASSING URBAN LIFE STUFF. IT COULD JUST AS EASILY BE ANY CITY IN THE USA. MORE TO THE POINT, EACH OF THESE YOUNG LEAD HAVE UNIQUE VOICE, PERSPECTIVE AND HUMOR. THEY ARE VIVID. THEY ARE REAL. AND THEY EXIST IN A WORLD FAMILIAR TO MANY OTHER CHARACTERS WE RECOGNIZE MORE EASILY: THE LILY WHITE DO-GOODER. THE STONER. THE WHITE RICH KID SLUMMING FOR DRUGS. ONLY JUST LIKE OUR LEADS, THESE MORE FAMILIAR CHARACTERS ALSO SHOWCASE A NICE LIVED-IN SHADE OF GRAY. AND SINCE THIS A MOVIE WE’RE TALKING ABOUT, THE CHARACTERS ALL LEARN TO EXIST AND SHARE BUT AT LEAST THEY HAVE THE DIGNITY TO DO SO IN A WELL-OBSERVED, ORGANIC WAY… THE KEY DIFFERENCE BEING THEY DO SO AMIDST SOME FUCKING INSANE ALIEN INVASION SHIT. BUT THIS NOT LIKE THAT SUBPLOT FROM VOLCANO WITH THE RACIST POLICE OFFICER (REMEMBER THAT? IT ALWAYS TAKES HULK’S PROVERBIAL CAKE AS THE “MOST SHOEHORNED RACISM PLOT IN AN OTHERWISE COMPLETELY FORGETTABLE SUMMER MOVIE”). NO FOLKS, THIS SO MUCH MORE DIGNIFIED. JOE CORNISH KNOWS HOW TO CONVEY THESE BITS OF CHARACTER STORY AND DEVELOPMENT IN BITE-SIZE ECONOMY… PERHAPS THE ONLY COMPLAINT HULK COULD RECOGNIZE = SOMEONE FEELING LIKE THIS DEVELOPMENT TOO BITE-SIZED. SURE IT NEVER, EVER BECOME DIDACTIC OR CLOYING, BUT IT CERTAINLY DIRECT WITH WHAT IT SAYING AT TIMES… BUT, KNOW WHAT? HULK RECOGNIZE WHY THAT SO. THIS AN ALIEN INVASION MOVIE AFTER ALL. LETTING THINGS PLAY OUT MORE WOULD ONLY TAKE THE AIR OUT OF THE TENSION. SO CORNISH KNOWS THE LITTLE MOMENTS AND EXCHANGES AMIDST THE CHASES AND MONSTERS AND MAYHEM WORK BEST (HE DOES COME FROM THE EDGAR WRIGHT SCHOOL). AND WHAT MATTER IF THE BITE-SIZED STUFF COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY LEGIT? YUP…
… THIS IS AN ALIEN INVASION MOVIE BY WAY THE WIRE.
“BELIEVE.”
ALL THIS SECRETLY AMUSE HULK, KNOWING THAT SUPER 8 COMING OUT SOON, WHICH BY ALL ACCOUNTS SEEM TO BE AMBLIN-AIMED, E.T. MEETS GOONIES FARE. HULK HAVEN’T SEEN AND WHO KNOWS, THE FILM COULD BE QUITE GOOD… BUT ATTACK THE BLOCK SEEM LIKE EVERYTHING THAT SUPER 8 WANTS TO BE AND MUCH, MUCH MORE.
AT LEAST PEOPLE WILL SEE OUR MASSIVELY MARKETED MOVIE
***OKAY NOW FOR WHAT MOST SPECIAL OF ALL: ATTACK THE BLOCK DONE SOMETHING THAT HULK CAN NO REMEMBER A SINGLE OTHER FILM.
IT GOT MOSES RIGHT.
TO CLARIFY, HULK NOT TALKING ABOUT THE COMMANDMENT GUY, BUT INSTEAD THE LEAD CHARACTER OF ATTACK THE BLOCK AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, THE KIND OF CHARACTER HE IS AND WHY IT SO IMPORTANT.
HULK NOTICING THAT SOME FOLKS SORT NOT REALLY GETTING WHAT MAKE MOSES GREAT. THEY CERTAINLY GET THE FEELING AND UNDERCURRENT OF WHAT OCCUR (IT SO WONDERFULLY ENGAGING IT HARD NOT TO), BUT THE COLLECTIVE SUMMARY OF MOSES’ CHARACTER’S JOURNEY SEEM TO BE MORE OF A “HE TAKING RESPONSIBILITY NOW!” KIND OF THING… AND THAT TOTALLY FAIR BECAUSE HULK NOT ENTIRELY SURE IT OBVIOUS:
MOSES IS AND ALWAYS WAS THE KIND OF PERSON WHO WOULD RISK HIS LIFE FOR SOMEONE ELSE. AND IN REAL LIFE, THOSE KIND OF PEOPLE EXTREMELY COMPLICATED.
LET’S GET ONE THING STRAIGHT. MOST SCREENWRITERS HAVE A PRETTY SHITTY CONCEPT OF HOW HEROES WORK.
1) MOST OF THE TIMES THE AUDIENCE IS TREATED TO AN ENDLESSLY REGURGITATED JOSEPH CAMPBELL VERSION, WITH THE SAME PAINT BY NUMBERS ANSWERING THE CALL BULLSHIT WE SEE TIME AND TIME AGAIN. HULK TOO THOUGHT IT A NOBEL CONCEPT ONCE… IN 8TH GRADE. ANYONE WHO CITES THAT STUFF AS GOOD STORYTELLING HAS TO TAKE SCREENWRITING 102 NOW. YES, IT A HANDY ARCHETYPE AND UNDERCURRENT OF ALL HEROES (EVEN MOSES), BUT SOLE DEPENDENCE ON IT FOR STORYTELLING WILL RENDER ANYTHING YOU TRYING TO DO COMPLETELY ROTE AND POINTLESS. STAY AWAY WRITERS. STAY AWAY.
2) MOST REAL LIFE HEROES ARE ALPHA PERSONALITIES. MOST SCREENWRITERS ARE BETA PERSONALITIES. A.K.A. PEOPLE WHO POSSIBLY SPENT THEIR FORMATIVE YEARS BEING TERRORIZED BY ALPHA PERSONALITIES.
TO COMBAT THIS OBVIOUS PROBLEM HEROES ARE WRITTEN BY BETA PERSONALITES IN SEVERAL WAYS:
A) THE BETA BECOMES THE PASSIVE HERO, WHO MEANT TO REFLECT DECENCY AND EVENTUALLY GET THE GIRL JUST BY BEING DECENT GUY! (HINT: THIS ACTUALLY NOT HOW IT WORKS AND SAID HERO WHO THINK THEY DECENT GUY NOT ACTUALLY A DECENT GUY. JUST UNDERDEVELOPED AND LIKELY WILL TURN INTO BITTER ASSHOLE ONCE THEY ENCOUNTER THE TERRIFYING EQUALITY OF ADULTHOOD). OH AND ALL THE WHILE THEY TERRORIZED BY IDIOTIC ALPHA PERSONALITY VILLAINS. THEY WILL LIKELY BE RICH OR FOOTBALL PLAYERS. HULK JUST DESCRIBED 99% OF 80S MOVIES. MOVING ON…
B) THE BETA IMAGINES A HERO NOT BASED ON HEROIC QUALITIES BUT INSTEAD JUST THE ANTITHESIS OF ALL THEIR WEAKNESSES. PERFECT EXAMPLE? JAMES BOND. THE IMPOSSIBLY SUAVE GUN-TOTING LADY-FUCKER EXTRAORDINAIRE WHO NEARLY NEED TO SLAP A GIRLS BUT TO SHOW HER WHAT’S WHAT… HULK KNOW LOTS ABOUT BOND. AND NEEDLESS TO SAY THERE PROBLEMS WITH THE CONCEPT.
C) IGNORE ALL THIS AND CREATE YOUR HERO CENTERED AROUND A LARGER SOCIAL CONCEPT. IT CAN BE ANYTHING FROM FEMALE EMPOWERMENT TO CIVIL RIGHTS TO WHATEVER. POPULAR IN COMICS, DISNEY FILMS, BLAXPLOITATION AND OTHER STUFF.
AND D) THE MUCH MORE INTERESTING AND SUCCESSFUL RECENT SOLUTION HAS BEEN THE ADVANCEMENT OF THE MODERN ANTI-HERO. AT BEST THEY REPRESENT THE HUMANE AND UN-PERFECT QUALITY OF THE SEMI-HEROIC FIGURE THE AUDIENCE INVESTS IN… AT WORST THEY REFLECT THE BETA WRITER’S OWN SHORTCOMINGS, BUT WITH BETTER LINES THEY WISH THEY SAID IN REAL LIFE AND A FORCED AUDIENCE TO ROOT FOR THEM… HULK PRETTY SURE WOODY ALLEN IS THE ONLY ONE WHO EVER DID THIS WELL (BTW, HULK KNOW A LOT ABOUT ALPHA AND BETA PERSONALITIES. WHY? CAUSE HULK THE FUCKING HULK. HE BEEN DEALING WITH THIS BANNER/BIG GREEN GUY SHIT FOR LIFE. SO HULK GOT IT DOWN).
BUT WOULDN’T YOU KNOW IT? THERE’S ACTUALLY THAT RARE ANSWER E)… ONE SO IMPOSSIBLY RARE HULK CAN ONLY ACCOUNT THE HANDFUL OF TIMES HULK SEEN IT.
THE ACTUAL, REAL HERO.
WHAT WOULD IT TAKE FOR YOU TO PICK UP A GUN, SWORD, WHATEVER THE HELL, AND RUN OUT IN FRONT TO DEFEND YOUR FRIENDS? TO LEGITIMATELY SACRIFICE YOURSELF.
… THINK ABOUT IT.
IT SOMETHING PEOPLE SEE TIME AND TIME AGAIN IN MOVIES AND YET IT SOMETHING WE NEVER REALLY QUESTION WITH OUR OWN LIVES. WHAT WOULD IT TAKE FOR YOU TO DEFEND YOUR FRIENDS? THE MOST OBVIOUS EXAMPLE IS THE MILITARY. GRANTED, THE MILITARY AND THE REASONS FOR JOINING OFTEN PAINTED IN ROSES. IN BRUTAL HONESTY, LOTS JOIN BECAUSE THEY WANT TO KILL STUFF, IT WAS FORCED ON THEM, OR MOST OFTEN THEY JUST NEED THE MONEY. BUT LOST IN THESE CYNICAL REASONS ARE THE THOUSANDS OF MEN AND WOMEN FROM ALL WALKS OF LIFE WHO JOIN TO CONTRIBUTE TO SOMETHING BIGGER THAN THEMSELVES. IT’S HEADY, HONORABLE STUFF. SOMETHING THAT THE POSH, LIBERALLY MINDED WORLD OF HULK AND EVERYONE ELSE FORGET. SACRIFICE = REAL. BUT IF OFTEN TAKE A FLAWED, INTERESTING, AND DEEPLY WOUNDED KIND OF PERSONALITY TO GET TO THAT PLACE OF SACRIFICE. IT RARELY A WHOLLY NOBLE PURSUIT.
AND HULK HATE TO BREAK IT TO YOU, BUT YOU ALSO MEET A LOT OF THESE HEROIC PERSONALITIES IN INNER CITIES.
AND OFTEN THEY IN GANGS.
THIS ALL SOUND VERY COUNTER INTUITIVE HULK KNOW, BUT HEAR HULK OUT. THERE ARE INNER CITY ALPHA MALES BUILT UP AROUND POMP, CIRCUMSTANCE, AND POSTURE (THIS ALPHA MALE WELL REPRESENTED BY THE LEAD, BAD DRUG CHARACTER IN THE FILM). THE OTHER ALPHA MALE IS EQUALLY COMPLICATED. BUT THEIR PERCEIVED STRENGTH COMES NOT FROM FEAR, BUT SURVIVAL INSTINCT. THAT BECAUSE THIS KIND OF ALPHA MALE OFTEN BROKEN BY HOME LIFE. THEY ARE OFTEN ABUSED. AS SUCH, THEY WILL LIKELY BULLY OUTSIDERS. THEY WILL OFTEN GET INTO SELLING DRUGS. THEY DON’T HAVE THE SOCIAL TOOLS FOR EDUCATION AND SCHOOL. THEIR PAIN OFTEN BROUGHT ON THEMSELVES AS MUCH AS IT IS DEALT TO THEM. IT CYCLICAL.
BUT IN THAT NEED TO SURVIVE, THEY WILL BE WHOLLY TERRITORIAL. THEY WILL DEFEND THEIR FRIENDS TO THE DEATH. AND THEY WILL DO SO IN THE MOST HEROIC TERMS THAT TOTALLY INCONCEIVABLE TO YOU AND HULK. THEY WILL DEAL WITH ADULT CONCEPTS OF RESPONSIBILITY OFTEN BY AGE 8 OR 9. THEY TAKE THE WEAKER UNDER THEIR WING. THEY WILL POSSESS A STRENGTH AND A WILL SO BEYOND WHAT WE HAVE AS TO ONLY BE DESCRIBED AS SOLDIERLY; ONE THAT IS OFTEN UNCHECKED, UNREGULATED, AND UNCARED FOR AS TO RENDER THE VERY CONCEPT OF SUCH A PERSON TO BE TERRIFYING.
THEY ARE THE HEROIC ALPHA MALE, JUST NOT WHAT WE ENVISION. THEY ARE THE MOST EXTREME VERSION OF THE SAME PSYCHOLOGY THAT CAUSE SOMEONE TO JOIN THE FIRE DEPARTMENT OR THE ARMY… IT JUST IN THE HAZE OF TRUE, HORRIBLE PEOPLE THAT GET INVOLVED IN THE INNER CITY NIGHTMARE, WE OFTEN HAVE HARD TIME SEEING THE GOOD PEOPLE WHO JUST DOING BAD THINGS.
WHY HULK KNOW ALL THIS SHIT? WHY HULK FEEL SO STRONGLY ABOUT IT? HULK’S FAMILY SPENT THEIR LIFE DEALING WITH IT. IT THE SUBJECT OF MAMA AND PAPA HULK’S LIFE WORK. HULK KNEW DOZENS OF MOSES’ (MOSII?). THEY IN EVERY CITY, ALMOST EVERY GROUP OF FRIENDS LIKE THIS. THEY NOT UNDESERVING OF OUR ATTENTION OR OUR COMPASSION. THEY OFTEN DO ALL KINDS OF WRONG, BUT THEIR PLIGHT FUCKING MATTERS. THEY MAY NOT GIVE A SINGLE SHIT ABOUT YOU, OR I, OR ANYONE WHO TRY TO HELP THEM. BUT THEY WILL MAKE A FAMILY IN THEIR MIND. AND THEY WILL PROTECT IT TO THE DAY THEY DAY. WHICH WILL LIKELY BE AT A VERY YOUNG AGE.
AND HULK SITTING HERE, RACKING BRAIN, TRYING TO THINK OF ANOTHER MOVIE THAT UNDERSTAND THE MOSES’ OF THE WORLD (THERE PROBABLY ONE. IN TELEVISION THERE THE CHARACTER OF MICHAEL FROM THE WIRE… THAT ALL HULK GOT). AND WHY THEY MATTER MORE THAN ANYTHING TO PEOPLE OF THE COMMUNITY. HULK LOOK BACK AT ATTACK THE BLOCK AND IT BRINGS TEARS TO HULK’S EYES. TRULY. IT SOUND IMPOSSIBLY DUMB, BUT HULK SWEAR. IT NOT DUMB. THE MOVIE AND CHARACTER OF MOSES COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND THE WORLD AND PSYCHOLOGY THEY TALKING ABOUT. JOE CORNISH BRILLIANTLY USE THE OUTWARD ALIEN THREAT THEY EXPLORE THE HEART AND STRANGE HEROISM OF THESE CONCEPTS. AND THE YOUNG ACTOR, JOHN BOYEGA SO TOTALLY BRING HIM TO LIFE. HE HAVE THIS AMAZING STOIC SCREEN PRESENCE THAT JUST GRAB YOU.
SO WHY THE STRANGE TITLE ATTACK THE BLOCK? BECAUSE THIS A FILM ABOUT TERRITORY. AND TERRITORY BEST MEANS “HOME” AND “COMMUNITY” IN THIS CASE; BEST EXPLORED THROUGH THAT SINGLE, AMAZING CHARACTER.
HULK SIMPLY CANNOT BELIEVE SOMEONE MADE A MOVIE ABOUT MOSES.
HULK PRETTY GOOD AT AVOIDING MOVIES HULK KNOW WILL MAKE HULK WANT SMASH. BUT THROUGH CIRCUMSTANCE, HULK HAVE WATCH EAT, PRAY, LOVE THE OTHER NIGHT…. IT SO ENRAGING HULK HAVE GO TO DESERT FOR SOME TANK-TOSSIN’ JUST TO BLOW OFF STEAM… BUT NOW, HULK FINALLY READY TALK ABOUT IT.
YOU MAY EXPECT HULK SIMPLY TEAR APART A FILM THAT SEEM LIKE FROU-FROU NONSENSE ON OUTSIDE. THAT NOT WHAT YOU GOING GET THOUGH . HULK WORK HULK’S ASS OFF ON THIS SO YOU GOING TO GET A FOUR-PART, 7000+ WORD TREATISE ON SELF-DELUSION, SELFISHNESS, THE TRUE VALIDITY OF MENTAL HEALTH, FEMINISM, AND WESTERN MALAPROPISM.
ENJOY!
FIRST, A FEW THINGS CONSIDER:
1) HULK NOT AGAINST “CHICK FLICKS.” HULK EVEN FIND THAT TERM REASONABLY OFFENSIVE. MANY PEOPLE CONFUSE THE LOW QUALITY AND PANDERING NATURE OF RECENT HOLLYWOOD ENTRIES WITH THE ACTUAL POTENTIAL QUALITY OF THE GENRE. THAT BIG MISTAKE. IN HULK’S VIEW, THERE SIMPLY GOOD MOVIES AND BAD MOVIES. HULK NOT CARE ABOUT GENRE OR INTENDED AUDIENCE. SO EAT PRAY LOVE = MOVIE ABOUT FEMININITY AND PERSONAL ENLIGHTENMENT? SURE, PERFECT! IT TOPIC NOT EXPLORED ENOUGH IN MOVIES, SO SIGN HULK UP! BUT HULK’S EVENTUAL PROBLEM WITH EAT, PRAY, LOVE THE ACTUAL CONVEYING OF SAID MESSAGE/SOLUTIONS/THEME AND NOT MESSAGE/SOLUTIONS/THEME ITSELF.
2) HULK NOT HATE JULIA ROBERTS. SHE BELOVED FIGURE FOR REASON. SHE ALWAYS CHARMING. AND IN RECENT YEARS SHE EVEN BECOME DECENT-TO-PRETTY-GOOD ACTRESS… BUT EVEN SHE NO SAVE THIS PIECE OF SHIT.
THIS MOVIE AWESOME THOUGH
3) WHAT REALLY ODD THE MOVIE ITSELF NOT BADLY MADE. IT ACTUALLY FAIRLY WELL-REALIZED AND MARK MAJOR STEP FORWARD FOR DIRECTOR RYAN MURPHY.
IN SENSE THAT MOST OF HIS PREVIOUS WORK JUST TERRIBLE
THE PROBLEM THAT WHAT BEING WELL-REALIZED IN FILM = GARBAGE. THIS GET INTO PROBLEMATIC ARGUMENT OF “WHAT FILM ABOUT” VS. “HOW IT ABOUT” BUT HULK FEEL LIKE THE THEMATIC SUBTEXT OF EAT, PRAY, LOVE SO PUSHED INTO REALM OF “TEXT” IN FILM THAT IMPOSSIBLE TO SEPARATE THEME FROM THE STORY. HERE THEY ONE IN SAME. SO HULK FEEL THE “WHAT IT ABOUT” = MORE THAN FAIR GAME.
4) ALL PROBLEMS STEM BACK TO THE BOOK WRITTEN BY ELIZABETH GILBERT. HULK REALIZE HULK NOT KNOW ELIZABETH GILBERT. HULK REALIZE HULK COULD TOTALLY BE WRONG ABOUT ANY AND ALL ASSUMPTIONS MADE HERE. HULK JUST SEE HOLLYWOOD MOVIE WITH HER “VOICE” AND CHARACTER BASED ON HER HULK READ HALF HER TERRIBLE BOOK BEFORE HULK COULD TAKE NO MORE. HULK WENT BACK AND READ ALL HER ARTICLE. BUT THAT ALL HULK CAN KNOW BOUT HER. HULK KNOW THIS LIMITATION AND ACCEPT IT. BUT CANNOT HULK DEDUCE FROM EVIDENCE OF WHAT SHOWN/READ? REALLY, THAT ALL HULK DOING DESPITE INTENSITY OF HULK’S REACTION (HULK CAN’T HELP BE INTENSE. HULK = HULK). POINT IS, HULK FULLY REALIZE THIS NOT BE ALL END ALL OF DISCUSSION. IT JUST STARTING POINT… BUT IT A STRONG ONE:
SO HERE HULK’S CONCLUSION AFTER WATCH/READ EAT, PRAY, LOVE AND DOING TONS RESEARCH:
“ELIZABETH GILBERT”, BOTH THE CHARACTER AND THE PERSON, SEEM BE A HORRIBLY SELF-CENTERED PERSON. THIS SELF-CENTERED-NESS CRIPPLING. SHE HAVE NO REAL UNDERSTANDING OF HOW NOT BE SELF-CENTERED DESPITE IT BEING HER VERY GOAL. SHE A WOMAN WHO TOOK COMPLICATED-YET-FAIRLY-COMMON RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS AND DECIDE BEST COURSE OF ACTION = CHEAT, GLOSS OVER SAID CHEATING, AND THEN ACT LIKE SHE THE ONE WHO BEEN RUINED WITHOUT EVEN ACKNOWLEDGING HER OWN BADNESS OR WHAT SHE DONE. AND IN TRYING TO DIG DEEP IN SPIRITUAL JOURNEY, SHE NEVER ACTUALLY DIG DEEP AND ADDRESS COMPLETELY OBVIOUS ISSUES AT PLAY AND INSTEAD OFFER ONE-NOTE, OBVIOUS, AND WHOLLY CLASSIST WAYS TO MERELY SIDE-STEP ISSUES THAT EVERYONE FACE INSTEAD OF ACTUALLY BEING FUCKING USEFUL.
SORRY… THAT HARSH, BUT THAT THE ESSENCE OF HULK’S ARGUMENT… NOW LET HULK ILLUSTRATE FURTHER.
PICTURED: THE PROBLEM
PART ONE: THE PROBLEM
MOVIES NEED DRIVING FORCE THAT PROPEL NARRATIVE. CHARACTERS NEED REASON TO BE DOING WHAT THEY DOING. IN ACTION FILMS IT CAN BE AS ELEMENTARY AS “ESCAPE!”,”GET THAT THING!”, OR “HELP!” AND EVEN THOUGH THAT SIMPLE IT ACTUALLY ACCEPTABLE BECAUSE AT LEAST IT MAKE SENSE.
MEANWHILE, THE NARRATIVE OF EAT, PRAY, LOVE … WELL, IT ACTUALLY ABSENT. THE MOVIE LARGELY IN-CONGRUENT. STRUCTURALLY, IT END UP REALLY BEING SERIES OF VIGNETTES; LITTLE LIFE LESSONS AND PECULIAR LITTLE INSIGHTS OFFERED UP AS “DEVELOPMENT.” NOW, THERE ACTUALLY MANY EXAMPLES OF MOVIE THAT ACCOMPLISH THIS STRUCTURE. MOST OBVIOUS EXAMPLE = THE CLASSIC FILM ANNIE HALL, BUT THAT FILM WORK BECAUSE OF STRENGTH OF CHARACTERS AND STRONG COMIC VIEWPOINT. BY THAT HULK MEAN THAT AUDIENCE UNDERSTAND THE MOTIVE AND VIEWPOINT OF CHARACTERS IN ALL THOSE MOMENT DESPITE THE MOMENT BEING PRETTY RANDOM. THESE KIND OF “VIGNETTE-BASED” MOVIE WORK WHEN THEY HAVE THAT CRUCIAL UNDERSTANDING, WHEN IT HAVE A BACKBONE.
THE PRESUMED BACKBONE OF EAT, PRAY, LOVE (BOTH FILM/BOOK) PREDICATED ON THE GOAL TO ESTABLISH SELF-WORTH. HULK FIRST WANT STATE THIS NOT TERRIBLE IDEA FOR BACKBONE OF MOVIE/BOOK. THERE INNUMERABLE NUMBER OF PEOPLE THAT COMBAT DEPRESSION AND HAVE ISSUE OF SELF-WORTH. LIKE ANYONE WITH CONFLICT, THEY NEED HELP. THEY NEED ADVICE. THEY NEED GUIDANCE. AND ELIZABETH GILBERT POSITION HERSELF AS SOMEONE WHO CAN OFFER THAT. WHY? BECAUSE SHE SOMEONE WHO NEEDED IT TOO.
HERE THE PROBLEM: ELIZABETH GILBERT NOT ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE… BUT SHE THINK SHE IS.
IN FICTION IT CALLED A PROBLEM OF A “UNRELIABLE NARRATOR.” IN SOMETHING NON-FICTION-Y LIKE THIS, IT INVOKE A PROFOUND LACK OF HONESTY WHEN HONESTY MOST IMPORTANT THING TO OFFER. HULK NOT DISPUTING ACTUAL FACTS OF BOOK/FILM (THOUGH SOME REMAIN SUSPECT). IT JUST HULK SEVERELY DISTRUST THE VIEWPOINT OF THESE EVENTS.
PICTURED: UNTRUSTWORTHY PERSON
ELIZABETH GILBERT SEEM BE ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WITH EVERYTHING: SUCCESS, MONEY, PRESTIGE, AND HAPPINESS… YET SHE FRAME A REALITY OF HER LIFE THAT = PERPETUAL VICTIM-HOOD AND DIFFICULTY. NOW, YES THE PROBLEMS = VERY REAL TO ELIZABETH GILBERT. THIS THE VERY DEFINITION OF DEPRESSION. BUT THAT THE PROBLEM, IT SO OBVIOUSLY NOT TO US. IT SUCH A CANYON-LIKE DISCONNECT. NOW IF THE BOOK/MOVIE MORE ABOUT HER BATTLE WITH SELF-CREATED DEPRESSION, THE OVERWHELMING EMOTION SHE FEEL, AND HOW COMBAT SELF-CREATED DEPRESSION IN A WORLD THAT CANNOT SEE IT? WELL, THEN THIS BE ENTIRELY DIFFERENT BLOG-POST. THAT WOULD ACTUALLY BE SOMETHING TO BE COMMENDED. BUT THAT NOT WHAT EAT, PRAY, LOVE ABOUT AND THAT WHY IT FAIL. ULTIMATELY, SHE ONLY TACKLING SURFACE PROBLEM WITH SURFACE ANSWER AND NOT GET TO ROOT OF HER DELUSIONAL DEPRESSION. THAT THE MOST IMPORTANT DISTINCTION IN WORLD.
INSTEAD, GILBERT SEEMINGLY HAVE NO ABILITY TO ARTICULATE THE REALITY OF HER DEPRESSION BEYOND THE EXTREME DESCRIPTIONS THE PUSH READER AWAY. WORSE, SHE GIVE VAGUE WORDING TO THE ORIGINS OF EACH PROBLEM THAT MAKE EVERYTHING SEEM LIKE SOCIETAL PROBLEM, NOT HERS. IT FULL OF ALL THOSE ROTE REFERENCES TO “WHITE-PICKETT FENCES” AND HOW THINGS “SUPPOSED” BE, ETC. IT THE SAME SHIT ONE SEE IN VAST NUMBER OF “BLAME UPPER-CLASS SUBURBANISM” BOOKS/MOVIES AND ALL JUST SO DAMN JUVENILE. ONLY THIS BOOK/MOVIE ABOUT HER AS RICH NYC ELITE, WHICH TURN IT FROM TIRESOME TO DOWNRIGHT INSUFFERABLE. GILBERT ACTUALLY MAKER HER CONFLICT AN OUTWARD THING… A ME VS. THE WORLD THING….WHICH ANYONE WHO KNOW FIRST THING ABOUT DEPRESSION, KNOW THIS AN ISOLATING MENTALITY THAT MAKE DEPRESSION WORSE (THE EVENTUAL SOLUTIONS OF CONNECTIONS GILBERT OFFER, ACTUALLY FLEETING TOO, BUT HULK GET TO THAT LATER).
"IM SO DEPRESSED. ITS YOUR FAULT!"
THE QUEST FOR SELF-WORTH IN EAT, PRAY, LOVE ACTUALLY DO HAVE GENESIS STORY. IN TERRIBLY CONVOLUTED FASHION WE PRESENTED TO A “REALITY” IN WHICH GILBERT IN TERRIBLE, DEPRESSED MARRIAGE WITH PERSON WHO NOT “GET HER” WHATSOEVER. THE PROBLEM = WE RARELY SEE ANYTHING THAT REALLY SHOWCASE THIS. IT MORE JUST LIKE “HE DOES THINGS THAT GET ON MY NERVES SOMETIMES” OR “HE DOESN’T DO WHAT I WANT HIM TO DO SOMETIMES”… SERIOUSLY THAT IT. FOR MOST PART, HE CARING/FUN INTERESTING GUY SHE ONCE LOVE VERY MUCH. BUT SOMEHOW WE JUST SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE “MY MARRIAGE WAS AWFUL AND MAKING ME SUICIDAL.” IT MAKE NO SENSE TO READER/VIEWER WHATSOEVER. ALL WE SEE JUST A MARRIAGE THAT NOT 100% PERFECT. IT ONLY 90% PERFECT OR SOMETHING.
SO HER SOLUTION?
SHE CHEAT ON HIM, BREAK HIS HEART, THEN PRETEND LIKE SHE THE VICTIM AND HAVE TO SPEND ALL HER MONEY SO HE NOT GET ANY OF IT IN THE DIVORCE… NOW OFF TO ENLIGHTENMENT! OH AND IN THE MIDDLE SHE HAVE ANOTHER RANDOM RELATIONSHIP WITH ACTOR THROWN IN THERE (THE ONE SHE OBVIOUSLY CHEAT WITH BUT NOT ADMIT FOR SOME REASON) AND THE REASONS FOR THAT BREAK UP EVEN MORE CONVOLUTED.
TO BE FAIR IF THIS ACTOR LOOK ANYTHING LIKE JAMES FRANCO EVEN HULK WOULD GET IN ON THAT
THERE THOSE OF YOU SAYING, “WAIT, WHAT!??!?!?!?”
YES DEAR READER, THAT THE ACCURATE SUMMARY OF WHAT HAPPEN. AND IN BOTH BOOK/MOVIE IT PRESENTED SO QUICKLY AND NONSENSICALLY AS TO BE TERRIBLY CONFUSING. NOTHING ABOUT IT MAKE SENSE. SO IF WE HAVE TO TRUST MOVIE IN “THESE THE MOTIVES/INTERESTS OF MY CHARACTERS’ SENSE THEN THE BACKBONE IS LOST. ALL HULK GIVEN = UGLY, BANAL PLATITUDES OF RELATIONSHIP SENTIMENT. THINGS LIKE “WE FELL OUT OF LOVE”/ETC. ALL STUFF COMPLETELY OUT OF LINE WITH WHAT WHAT PRESENTED. WE SIMPLY TOLD TO TRUST HER VERSION OF STORY… HULK CALLING SHENANIGANS.
LOOK, THERE PLENTY OF GREAT LEGIT STORIES ABOUT THE SUBJECT OF LOVE COMING UNDONE AND HOW WE BUILD SELVES BACK UP. RELATIONSHIPS INCREDIBLY UNIQUE AND INFINITELY COMPLEX, AND HULK NEVER BEGRUDGE IT WITH OVER-SIMPLIFICATION… BUT GILBERT GIVE AN ODDLY SELF-CENTERED AND DOWNRIGHT STRANGE ACCOUNT OF HER STORY. AGAIN, SHE FRAME IT LIKE SHE THE VICTIM WHEN A) THE SOURCE OF DEPRESSION SELF-CREATED AND B) SHE THE ONE DOING SERIOUS DAMAGE TO PEOPLE. LATER ON SHE SORT OF ADMIT TO “HURTING PEOPLE” BUT THAT REALLY AS DEEP AS IT GO. SHE COMPLETELY GLOSS OVER HER OBVIOUS AFFAIR (HULK MEAN, REALLY, HUSBAND GETTING ALL THE SETTLEMENT IN DIVORCE? IT TAKE MAJOR THINGS FOR MAN TO GET THE SETTLEMENT… HULK NOT ARGUING MERITS OF THIS AND PLEASE NO THINK THIS MEANT AS SEXIST STATEMENT WHATSOEVER, JUST IN HULK’S RESEARCH IT JUST THE COMMON REALITY OF HOW THESE THINGS TEND GO. AND THEN THERE HER MEAN-SPIRITED “I HAVE TO SPEND MONEY SO MY INCREDIBLY HURT HUSBAND NOT GET IT THING. WHICH, AGAIN, SHE TREAT LIKE SHE THE VICTIM… FUCKING BIZARRE.
DEEP DOWN, THERE SOME PART OF GILBERT THAT TERRIBLY AWARE OF WHAT SHE DOING. SHE MAKE ALL THESE VAGUE ATTEMPTS WHERE SHE TRYING SAY SHE A JERK WHO NEED TO FIX HERSELF, THAT SHE DO HORRIBLE THINGS TO PEOPLE AND SHOULD ACKNOWLEDGE THAT… BUT SHE NEVER GET THERE… EVER. IT FEEL ALL SO AIMLESS.
WHICH MEAN HER CHARACTER JOURNEY, NO MATTER WHICH WISE OLD MAN IMPARTED HER WITH WISDOM, OR GREAT FRIEND SHE MAKE (OFTEN TEMPORARILY), AND NO MATTER WHICH “TRUE-FEELING” CONCLUSIONS SHE MAKE… IT INEVITABLY AND EQUALLY AIMLESS.
PICTURED: THE CURE TO YOUR CRIPPLING CHEMICAL DEPRESSION!
HULK ARGUE THAT THE REASON THE MOVIE DISCONNECT WITH SO MANY PEOPLE. THAT THE REASON CRITICS HATE IT EVEN THOUGH BY ALL ACCOUNTS THE FILM-MAKING (OR “GLOSS”) PRETTY DECENT. IT THERE JUST NO RATIONAL MOTIVATION FOR ANY PART OF HER QUEST. IT FRAMED LIKE ALL THE THINGS THAT SEEM LIKE THIS KIND OF STORY: A DIVORCE. A QUEST FOR SELF EXAMINATION AND HAPPINESS. THE ACTUAL “WHAT” MAKE SENSE TO EVERYONE, ESPECIALLY TO ALL PEOPLE HAVE DEAL THESE KIND PROBLEMS BEFORE… BUT IT REALLY AN EMPTY RUSE.
MAKE IT A COMPLETELY DISHONEST AND BULLSHIT RUSE.
ELIZABETH GILBERT SEEM LIKE INTELLIGENT PERSON IN PROSE OF EAT, PRAY, LOVE (HER EARLIER WORKS NOT SO MUCH). HER WRITING CLEAR AND ARTICULATE, BUT, AGAIN, HER RATIONALIZATION AND VERSION OF HER OWN STORY REEK OF NONSENSE. SHE SEEM LIKE KIND OF PERSON WHO SO INTELLIGENT IN SOME WAYS THAT SHE CAN REASON HERSELF INTO ANY CONCLUSION THAT FITS HER IMPULSES. HULK WATCH IT ALL THE TIME. BRIGHT PEOPLE WHO CAN FIGURE OUT A LOGISTICAL WAY BE AWFUL PEOPLE; PEOPLE WHO CAN INTELLECTUALLY JUSTIFY THEIR OWN ARROGANCE.
COUGH* DR. STRANGE *COUGH
IT ALSO THE PSYCHOLOGICAL CASE IN MANY WEALTHY DRUG ADDICTS, WHITE-COLLAR CRIMINALS, AND, WELL, LAWYERS IN GENERAL (HULK KID, HULK KID… SORT OF). AND IN GILBERT’S CASE IT NOT SO EXTREME. SHE NOT A DRUG ADDICT (THAT WE KNOW OF), BUT SHE FIND A NUMBER OF WELL-ARGUED REASONS TO BE MEGALOMANIAC BENT ON QUEST FOR SELF-HELP.
IT EQUIVALENT OF SAYING: “THE WORLD IS TELLING ME I’M SELFISH AND DESPONDENT, SO I’M GOING TO GO ON SPIRITUAL QUEST THAT JUST MAKES ME MORE SELFISH AND DESPONDENT.”
IT NO MISTAKE SHE KEEP SAYING IN FILM/BOOK THE THIS JOURNEY SHE ON “THE GETAWAY.” HULK ARGUE THOSE WORDS SUBCONSCIOUSLY VERY IMPORTANT. THIS NOT SPIRITUAL REBUILDING. EMOTIONALLY SPEAKING, THIS A WOMAN DRIVING IN A GETAWAY CAR AFTER COMMITTING A CRIME.
NOT THE WAY TO START ENLIGHTENMENT.
PICTURED: THE CURE FOR DEPRESSION OM NOM NOM
PART TWO: THE TEXT ITSELF
SO LET HULK NOW TALK ABOUT THE ACTUAL CONCLUSIONS AND LIFE LESSONS CONVEYED IN BOOK/FILM. HULK GOING TO SPLIT INTO INHERENT PROBLEMS WITH GILBERT’S DISPOSITION AND THEN PROBLEMS WITH SPECIFIC SOLUTIONS IN AND OF THEMSELVES.
INHERENT PROBLEMS:
I). HULK ARGUE GILBERT’S DODGY NATURE CONCERNING THE ROOT OF HER ACTUAL PROBLEMS = THE SAME THING THAT CAUSE THE “SOLUTIONS” TO LACK EFFECTIVENESS. THE SOLUTIONS CAN’T PRESENTED INHERENTLY EMPTY.
II). THE BIG ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM FOR HER SPIRITUAL QUEST? SHE GETTING PAID TO DO IT. SHE GOT AN ADVANCE AND TONS OF HER EXPENSES COVERED. NOW, THIS VERY TRICKY AREA AND HULK NOT GOING TO ASSUME MORE THAN HULK SHOULD. BUT IT EXACTLY THE KIND OF THING THAT CAN 1) CAUSE AUTHOR ON SPIRITUAL QUEST TO CREATE FICTIONAL PROBLEMS FOR SAKE OF NARRATIVE. AND 2) INHERENTLY UNDERMINES THE ESSENTIALLY “PURITY” OF HER GOAL. IT’S A JOB, INSTEAD OF SOMETHING “SHE HAD TO DO.” SO JUST KEEP IN BACK OF MIND. AFTER ALL, A QUEST FOR SPIRITUAL ENLIGHTENMENT CAN NO BE A PROP.
III). SO MUCH OF THE QUEST ABOUT SEARCH FOR LASTING PERMANENCE IN HER LIFE (SHE TEND TO BE ALL OVER PLACE IN CASE YOU NO NOTICE). BUT BOTH HER APPROACH AND ACTUAL CONNECTIONS IN THIS JOURNEY REEK OF IMPERMANENCE. SHE MAKE CONNECTION WITH PERSON OR BREAKTHROUGH OF AN IDEA… THEN SHE LEAVE. EVERY TIME IT HAPPEN, SHE LEAVE. SHE ALWAYS OFF TO NEXT THING AND RARELY DO THE CONNECTIONS STICK TOGETHER BEYOND “THIS HAPPENED TO ME” (AND VERY OFTEN THESE LEARNING MOMENTS INVOLVED HER IMPARTING SOME TWO-BIT WISDOM… WHICH IS OBVIOUSLY THE POINT OF A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY… UGH). IT JUST SO OBVIOUSLY FLEETING. AND HULK KNOW THIS POINT MERELY TANGENTIAL, BUT HULK BELIEVE PERSONAL GROWTH ALWAYS ABOUT HOW WE RESPOND TO WHEN DEALING WITH CONSTANTS, IT EASY TO “CHANGE” IN THE FACE OF VARIABLES. BUT BASICALLY THE SPEED OF THE NARRATIVE IN BOOK/MOVIE ONLY HELP SOLIDIFY THE HOLLOWNESS.
IV). HULK JUST LOVE THAT” EAT, PRAY, LOVE” WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT, ACTUALLY A SERIES OF COMMANDS. YEAH IT NOT EXACTLY SEEM LIKE COMMANDS, BUT SECRETLY, THAT WHAT THEY ARE… SORT OF CHANGE THE WHOLE DYNAMIC, RIGHT? THESE NOT SUGGESTIONS. THEY SNEAKY COMMAND FROM THE AUTHORITY (RE: GILBERT). HULK KNOW THAT SORT OF SEEM UNFAIR BUT IT TOTALLY DESERVED. READ SO MANY PARTS OF BOOK. WATCH SCENES IN MOVIE WHERE GILBERT CHARACTER TELL PEOPLE WHAT TO DO. IT AMAZING. THEY TOTALLY COMMANDS.
SO ONTO THE SPECIFIC PROBLEMS.
DOUBLE NOM NOM!!
1) EAT
BEFORE HULK START DIATRIBE ON THE FIRST PART OF GILBERT’S BOOK/MOVIE, KNOW THIS… HULK KNOW ALL TO WELL THE DANGERS OF ANOREXIA. ONE OF HULKS BEST FRIENDS DIE OF IT. NOT BATTLED. NOT FLIRTED WITH. DIED. HULK WATCH THE WHOLE THING UNFOLD SINCE FRIEND A SMALL CHILD AND HULK PROBABLY KNOW THE IN AND OUT OF THE PSYCHOLOGICAL AND SOCIETAL INFLUENCES OF IT BETTER THAN ANYONE. IT AN AMAZINGLY SERIOUS PROBLEM THAT TIE INTO MANY CULTURAL ISSUES. SO LET HULK JUST SAY THIS… THERE HUGE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THOSE TRULY BATTLING ANOREXIA AND THOSE WHO WRESTLE WITH FAIRLY COMMON (THOUGH DEFINITELY UNHEALTHY AND SERIOUS) BODY ISSUES… AND IT WAY FUCKING DIFFERENT FROM THOSE WHO USURP THE LANGUAGE OF THESE SERIOUS PROBLEMS TO DEAL WITH SOME BASIC “I DON’T FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF” SOCIETAL BULLSHIT.
ELIZABETH GILBERT STRIKE HULK AS A USURPER.
HULK NOT DOUBTING THE SINCERITY OF HER FEELINGS, JUST THE VERACITY FOR THE ORIGIN OF THESE FEELINGS. ELIZABETH GILBERT A NATURALLY SKINNY, NATURALLY ATTRACTIVE PERSON WHOSE ENTIRE FIRST SECTION OF THE BOOK/MOVIE DEAL WITH HER PLIGHT OF GOING UP A FEW JEAN SIZE… NO, REALLY THAT THE DEPTH OF WHAT WE TALKING ABOUT. THE SERIOUSNESS OF CULTURAL IMAGERY MADE NAUSEATINGLY TRITE. HER SPIRITUAL JOURNEY IN ITALY BASICALLY AMOUNTS TO HER DEALING WITH EATING CARBS, ICK!
AND LOOK, HULK GET THE PARLANCE OF OUR TIME AND HOW VAST NUMBER OF AMERICAN WOMEN DO ACTUALLY DEAL WITH THINGS LIKE THE ANNOYANCE OF FINDING A GOOD PAIR OF JEANS. OR HOW SLIGHT ALTERCATIONS TO APPEARANCE CAN DRAMATICALLY IMPACT WARDROBE ISSUES. MANY PEOPLE ROLL EYES AT THIS CLICHE, BUT IT CLICHE FOR REASON AND IT RELATE-ABLE TO MOST PEOPLE FOR REASON. HULK KNOW THIS AND, AGAIN, HULK KNOW THAT THE SOCIETAL PRESSURE TO LOOK CERTAIN WAY IMMENSE. BUT INSTEAD OF PUTTING THIS IN APPROPRIATE CONTEXT, ELIZABETH GILBERT GO INTO HYSTERICS. SHE USURP THE VOICE OF TRUE STRUGGLE OF ANEXORICS AND THEN HAS THE GOD-DAMN GALL TO ACT LIKE FUCKING AUTHORITY ON IT. HER “STRUGGLE” ANYTHING BUT THAT.
AND WORSE, THIS NOT ALL PART OF SOME SPIRITUAL JOURNEY. IT OBSERVATIONAL ONE-NOTE-ISM. SHE TREAT HER BASIC, DISCIPLINED APPROACH TO “IT’S SOMETIMES OKAY TO TREAT YOURSELF” AS A FUCKING REVELATION. HULK’S FAVORITE DRAMATIZATION OF THIS INSANITY? THE OVERTLY DRAMATIC SCENE IN THE PIZZERIA. IT JUST RIDICULOUS. EVERY TIME THE SUPREMELY WELL-OFF GILBERT USURP THE LANGUAGE OF PEOPLE WITH REAL EATING DISORDER IT MAKE HULK WANT SMASH LIKE HULK’S NEVER SMASHED BEFORE.
BUT THE BIGGEST PROBLEM OF HER “EAT” SOLUTION SOMETHING SHE NEVER FUCKING SEEM TO ACKNOWLEDGE: THAT MOST THE WOMEN AND MEN WHO READING/WATCHING IN SEARCH OF ANSWERS OF SELF-ESTEEM ARE PEOPLE DEALING WITH AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT BODY ISSUE: OBESITY AND BEING OVER-WEIGHT. SERIOUSLY, THERE ABOUT 3 TIMES THE AMOUNT OF PEOPLE BATTLING OBESITY COMPARED TO THOSE BATTLING EATING DISORDERS (THOUGH THERE SOME OBVIOUS OVERLAP BETWEEN TWO). WHICH MAKE GILBERT’S THROW-CAUTION-TO-THE-WIND APPROACH WHOLLY RECKLESS. SERIOUSLY, THE ENTIRE “EAT” SOLUTION SEEM AIMED AT VERY PARTICULAR SUBSET OF PEOPLE WHOSE SELF-ESTEEM ISSUES ARE MERE TRIFLE WHEN COMPARED TO THE CRIPPLING SELF-ESTEEM ISSUES DEALT WITH BY PEOPLE MARGINALIZED BY CONSUMER SOCIETY. AND HULK CAN TELL YOU ONE THING…
EATING A WHOLE FUCKING PIZZA IS NOT THEIR SOLUTION TO SELF DISCOVERY.
PERHAPS WE SHOULD RE-VISIT OUR FRIEND HERE
SORRY, MOVING ON.
2) PRAY
THIS SOLUTION SORT OF THE MOST BENIGN OF GILBERT’S THREE COMMANDS, YET THERE ONE OBVIOUS DEEP FLAW HULK GET TO IN MINUTE. IN “PRAY” WE SEE GILBERT’S EMBRACE OF MEDITATION AND EASTERN PHILOSOPHY. BUT HER HANGUPS IN GETTING THERE OFTEN COMICAL. SHE NO CAN FIND INNER PEACE CAUSE SHE KEEP WANTING DECORATE THE MEDITATION ROOM (OH THOSE KOOKY UPSCALE AMERICANS AND THEIR SENSE OF AESTHETICS!).
THERE ANOTHER GREAT MOMENT GILBERT TAKE THE TIME TO CRY ABOUT HER OLD DIVORCE (AGAIN, HER FAULT) DURING A YOUNG GIRLS ARRANGED MARRIAGE CEREMONY (ONE WHICH THE GIRL TERRIBLY DISTRAUGHT OVER MIND YOU). AND GILBERT STORM AWAY FROM WEDDING SO THAT THE YOUNG GIRL HAVE TAKE TIME TO CONSOLE HER. CAUSE REALLY, THAT THE OPPORTUNE TIME AND NATURALLY, IT NEVER DAWN ON THE GILBERT CHARACTER TO OFFER ANY KIND OF HELP. UGH. IT JUST SORT OF THING THAT DRIVE HULK NUTS. IT BASIC SELF-CENTERED BEHAVIOR AND SHE NOT EVEN AWARE.
THEN THERE ANOTHER GREAT MOMENT WHICH HIGHLIGHT GILBERT’S PSYCHOLOGICAL BLOCK AND NOT GETTING IT. THE MOVIE SPEND LARGE TIME OF THIS SECTION WITH CHARACTER NAMED “RICHARD FROM TEXAS” (PLAYED BY THE WONDERFULLY BY THE SOULFUL RICHARD JENKINS). HE SORT OF BRAZEN AND IN YOUR FACE CHARACTER, BUT ULTIMATELY HE REVEAL TRAGIC PAST. SPECIFICALLY A MOMENT WHERE HIS ALCOHOLISM NEARLY KILL HIS SON. THERE A REASON HIS STORY TAKE SUCH PRECEDENCE AND YET TELLING OF IT MADE SO OBVIOUS AND BANAL (MADE ALL THE MORE ODD BY FACT GILBERT A DECENT WRITER)… HULK ARGUE IT JUST SEEM LIKE GILBERT SO DESPERATELY TRYING TO CONVEY HER OWN FEELINGS OF GUILT (BECAUSE AGAIN, SHE RUINED HER MARRIAGE AND CAN’T SEEM TO ADMIT IT) BY OVER PLAYING HER OWN SENTIMENT INTO RICHARD’S-OBVIOUSLY-MUCH-MORE-TRAGIC STORY. SO ONCE, YET A-FUCKING-GAIN, SHE DEFLECTING THE TRUE ISSUES AT HAND.
TANGENT: THERE ALSO THIS IDIOTIC DIRECTING MOMENT WHEN MOVIE MAKE BEYOND DUMB CHOICE TO HAVE RICHARD JENKINS GIVE SOULFUL SPEECH ABOUT TRAGEDY BY HAVING HIM TURN AWAY FROM CAMERA. INTERESTING? SORT OF. IN THAT OBVIOUS WAY HULK GUESS. BUT IT BEYOND DUMB NOT LET US SEE RICHARD JENKINS HAUNTED EYES. HULK WOULD HAVE BEEN SOBBING LIKE A LITTLE SCHOOLHULK IF ACTUALLY GOT TO SEE THE PERFORMANCE THAT HULK ONLY GOT TO HEAR. ANYCRAP. BACK TO DIATRIBE.
AS FOR HULK’S FAVORITE MOMENT OF NONSENSE? (HULK ACTUALLY CAN NO REMEMBER IF IT TOOK PLACE DURING NEXT SEGMENT, BUT IT TIE INTO SPIRITUALITY SO IT GOING HERE) WHEN PRESENTED WITH MENTAL EXERCISE/TRUE HONOR OF HAND-COPYING A HOLY TEXT, AND WHEN SHE SPECIFICALLY ASKED NOT TAKE BOOK OUT TO GET IT COPIES… GILBERT FINDS “COMICAL” MOMENT TO STEAL BOOK TO GO GET COPIES MADE… WHICH SHE THEN LATER GIVE AS PRESENT. THIS CAUSE HULK’S JAW DROP. NOT ONLY SHE NO RESPECT WHAT ASKED TO DO, NOT ONLY SHE FUCKING SHOW INCREDIBLE DISRESPECT TO SACRED TEXT (THE PLACEMENT WITHIN HOLY CONFINES KEY TO INTEGRITY OF TEXTS) SHE JUST SORT OF SMILES THE WHOLE THING OFF. IT SUCH GREAT EXAMPLE OF BRAZEN AMERICANISM (I’M GONNA DO WHAT I WANT CAUSE IT’S EASIER AND FUCK RULES!). AND IT EVEN BETTER EXAMPLE OF “NOT GETTING” THAT THE POINT WAS TO LEARN THE DISCIPLINE OF THE COPYING AND NOT THE FINISHED RESULT. AND IT SUCH A PERFECT EXAMPLE OF HER SHORT CUT TO SPIRITUALISM! THE WHOLE THING SHOW HER INSULTING PSYCHOLOGY IN A NUTSHELL.
PICTURED: SMIRKING
OVERALL, HULK NOT REALLY WANT GET INTO THE RELIGIOUS ASPECTS OF THIS WHOLE SECTION. GILBERT SORT OF INFURIATINGLY NOT REALLY GET INTO SPECIFICS OF HER TAKE ON GOD/RELIGION THEN HAVE MOMENTS WHERE SHE INVOKE SPECIFICITY OF PARTICULARS AS IF TO HAVE PERSONAL MEANING. RELIGION ALWAYS ONE’S OWN AND HULK FEEL LIKE IT MAY START WHOLE OTHER ARGUMENT THAT HAVE NOTHING DO WITH GILBERT’S PROBLEMS. EVEN WITH THIS, HULK FEEL IT OKAY TO TALK ABOUT CONCEPT OF “PRAYER.”
HULK NOT RELIGIOUS, BUT HULK FEEL LIKE HULK UNDERSTAND WHAT IT MEAN TO ENGAGE IN PRAYER. HULK CONSIDER PRAYER TO BE A RITUAL IN WHICH ONE ENGAGE IN COME TO GRIPS WITH WORLD, CLEAR MIND, ENGAGE IN SELF-REFLECTION, FIND INNER PEACE, OR DEVELOP SHARP INCISIVE MINDFULNESS AND DISCIPLINE.
WHAT DOES HULK DO FOR PRAY? HULK PRAY BY WATCHING MOVIES. HULK PRAY BY PLAYING VIDEO GAMES. HULK PRAY BY BLOGGING/TWEETING INCESSANTLY ABOUT THINGS RANGING FROM STUPID TO SEMI-IMPORTANT. HULK FILLS HULK’S MIND NOT WITH HULK’S TROUBLES (OF WHICH THERE MANY. SERIOUSLY, THE LEADER CAN SUCK IT) BUT WITH THINGS AND MATTERS HULK CONSIDER INTERESTING. SURE HULK CAN WASTE 7000 WORDS ON A THE NONSENSICAL PHILOSOPHICAL ARGUMENT MADE BY A HORRIBLE BOOK/MOVIE (AHEM), AND HULK KNOW THIS SEEM LIKE ANTI-PRAYER, BUT HULK USUALLY FIND SOME KIND OF CENTER OR STASIS IN THIS PRACTICE.
BETTER YET, HULK UNDERSTAND THAT WHAT HULK SAYING NOT SOME RELIGIOUS THING BE ASCRIBED TO, AS THIS NOT SOME ADVICE HULK THINK ALL SHOULD PARTAKE IN TO HAVE BETTER LIFE… HULK JUST CASUALLY EXPLAINING HULK’S TAKE; THAT THESE JUST SOME THINGS THAT HELP GET HULK THROUGH DAY. HULK TREAT IT AS SIMPLE AS IT NEED BE TREATED.
IT RATHER DIFFERENT FROM THE TAKE OF ELIZABETH GILBERT’S SECOND COMMAND.
… HULK DIDN’T REALLY HAVE A LOT OF FUNNY PICTURES FOR THIS SECTION… SORRY.
MOVING ON…
BECAUSE THATS OBVIOUSLY WHAT THESE DOGS ARE EXPERIENCING
3) LOVE
IT ALL COME FULL CIRCLE. HULK FEEL LIKE PART OF THE REASON GILBERT SHOEHORN THE RELATIONSHIP-PROBLEM NARRATIVE INTO BEGINNING, SO THAT SHE HAVE REASON TO “FIND LOVE” AT END. LOGISTICALLY IT MAKE SENSE, BUT THE PROBLEM IT TOTALLY NOT READ LIKE THAT WHATSOEVER. IT ACTUALLY REEK FAR MORE OF NAKED COMMERCIALISM THEN WHATEVER THE CONFUSED, EMOTIONAL VOMIT IS ON DISPLAY HERE.
IN ALL HONESTY, HULK NOT SURE GILBERT KNOW WHAT LOVE IS.
IT HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS ALL THE TIME AND IF IT NOT OH MY GOD MY HUSBAND DOESNT GET ME ARE YOU SINGLE?
SERIOUSLY. HULK REALLY DON’T KNOW. AT LEAST NOT WITH WHAT HULK PRESENTED. HER ABSURD CHARACTERIZATION OF BREAKUP OF HER MARRIAGE AND THE NONSENSE CRAZY RELATIONSHIP WITH ACTOR SET UP A MUDDLED VIEWPOINT, ONE WHICH EVENTUALLY MIRRORED BY THE RELATIONSHIP THAT TAKE ULTIMATELY TAKE PLACE IN “LOVE” SECTION.
FOR STARTER, GILBERT GET INVOLVED WITH GUY WHO NOT BEEN WITH WOMAN FOR 10 YEARS. THAT WORTH NOTING IN AND OF SELF. SECOND, HE DEEPLY HURT IN DIVORCE. HE ALSO DEEPLY LOVE HIS SON. AND SHE INVOLVE HERSELF IN THESE DEEPLY PERSONAL FAMILY AFFAIRS. FROM THERE, AFTER BURROWING IN, SHE ULTIMATELY ENGAGE WITH HIM IN PHYSICAL RELATIONSHIP. AND THEN WHEN THINGS GOING AMAZINGLY, SHE GET SUDDEN COLD FEET AFTER STRINGING ALONG SO BLATANTLY. SHE WAS LOOKING AT THIS AS SOME BIG ROMANTIC AFFAIR. HE WAS CLEARLY OPENING HIS LIFE UP AGAIN.
SO OUT OF NOWHERE SHE SUDDENLY BACK TO THE DOGMATIC MANTRA OF HER PRAYER AND “I DON’T WANT TO LOSE MY BALANCE” AGAIN, JUST ANOTHER BIZARRE REACTION FROM GILBERT. WE RECOGNIZE THE SOCIETAL UNDERSTANDING OF WHAT SHE SAYING, BUT NOT HER MOTIVATION. IT STUFF LIKE “WE’RE MOVING TOO FAST!” FREAK-OUT WE SEE SO MUCH IN MEDIA. AND SHE FRAME THIS ENTIRE RELATIONSHIP WITHIN THE CONTEXT OF HERSELF, COMPLETELY FUCKING IGNORANT OF THE ISSUES HE MUST BE GOING THROUGH TOO (AND OBVIOUSLY, THEY ARE OF EXTREME DEPTH. HIS PAST MUCH MORE TRAGIC. HERS LARGELY A PUT ON). IT ONE OF THE MOST RIDICULOUSLY OFFENSIVE THINGS HULK EVER SEE/READ. HIS FEELINGS ABOUT MATTER NOT EVEN AN AFTERTHOUGHT. HECK, THEY NOT EVEN A THOUGHT. EVER. SHE TRULY IN HER OWN WORLD.
AND THEN TO GET OVER THIS “CLIMACTIC DIFFICULTY” AND EMBRACE LOVE, SHE DECIDE SHE HAVE TO “LET GO” OF PAIN CAUSED TO HER IN DIVORCE. SHALL HULK GO OVER THE ACTUAL EVENTS OF HER MARRIAGE BREAK-UP AGAIN? GIVE HULK BREAK! YES, HULK KNOW BREAK-UPS TOUGH. BUT TO PRETEND YOU ENTITLED TO SAME MISERY AS PERSON’S HEART YOUR TORE OUT RIDICULOUS AND SHOW FUNDAMENTAL LACK OF BASIC HUMAN UNDERSTANDING. HULK KNOW THIS JUST SOUND SO REPETITIVE, BUT IT THE REASON SHE NOT HELPING SELF AT ALL.
HULK MEAN… JUST WHO THE HELL SHE THINK SHE IS?
THIS BUT IN PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE FORM?
ONCE AGAIN, HULK CAN’T PRESUME SUCH HORRIBLE THINGS ABOUT PERSON HULK NOT KNOW. HULK CAN JUST GO OFF TEXT GIVEN… BUT THE CHARACTERIZATION OF THESE EVENTS IN THE TEXT JUST HORRID. HALF OF IT THROUGH THE FILTER OF HER OBVIOUS SOCIAL FEARS/ANXIETY/DEPRESSION BUT IT WRITTEN LIKE TRIVIAL UPPER-CLASS, SELF-INVOLVED BULLSHIT. IT SORT OF MAKE HULK ANGRY (AND IN CASE YOU NOT KNOW… YOU NOT LIKE HULK WHEN ANGRY). MAINLY, CAUSE THE ACTUAL ISSUES BEING “TACKLED” IN EAT, PRAY, LOVE PRETTY IMPORTANT.
FOR ALL HULK GATHER, ELIZABETH GILBERT COULD BE LIKE THIS PERSON:
TO BE FAIR. THERE WEIRD TENDENCY TO PUT A NEAT, CLIMACTIC BOW ON THINGS. HER BANAL-ALBEIT-NICE DECREE AT END DO GOOD JOB OF MAKING HULK FEEL GOOD… BUT IN CONTEXT OF ALL IT JUST AS PUT ON AS EVERYTHING ELSE. JUST AS IMPERMANENT.
TO ALSO BE FAIR, IT SEEM THAT MANY OF THE ISSUES HULK HAVE WITH GILBERT’S THOUGHTS IN THIS PART = FURTHER EXPLORED IN HER FOLLOWUP BOOK “COMMITTED” ABOUT HER ENSUING RELATIONSHIP/MARRIAGE WITH THIS NEW MAN SHE MEET. IT SEEM LIKE SHE REALIZING A BIT MORE ABOUT THE IMPORTANCE OF CONSTANT SOLUTIONS (AS OPPOSED TO TEMPORARY), BUT STILL FROM EVERYTHING HULK READ (E.g.) WE STILL DEALING WITH IMPOSSIBLE EXTREMES AND NONSENSICAL CHARACTERIZATION OF A PROBLEM, WHICH HULK STILL CONSIDER PART OF AN UNRELIABLE NARRATOR. AND BESIDES, MUCH OF THE SEEMING GOAL OF “COMMITTED” REALLY SEEM TO UNDERMINE MANY OF THE EXACT POINTS SHE MAKE IN EAT, PRAY, LOVE SO SHE EVEN UNDERMINE HERSELF!
"OR HOW MY LAST BOOK DOESNT ACTUALLY MAKE SENSE" ADDITIONAL NOTE: THIS ONE NOT REALLY MAKE SENSE EITHER
WHAT PERHAPS SO INFURIATING THAT GILBERT SEEM SO CLOSE MOST OF TIME. AGAIN, SHESMART BUT SHE CONSTANTLY MISS THE POINT OR UNDERLYING PROBLEM. AND ANYTIME SHE MAKE BREAKTHROUGH, SHE THEN DO SOMETHING THAT THE ANTITHESIS AND THEN NEVER ACKNOWLEDGE IT. LIKE SHE NEVER FULLY REALIZE THE PERFECTLY REASONABLE SOLUTION OF “HEY, MAYBE PERMANENCE JUST NOT REALLY MY THING.” HULK KNOW PLENTY OF PEOPLE WITH NOMADIC LIFESTYLE. THEY LEARN EMBRACE IT AND MAKE PEACE WITH LIFE OF CONSTANT CHANGE. BUT GILBERT LITERALLY WRITE STORY ABOUT BEING NOMADIC THEN SHE NEVER SEEM CLUE INTO FACT THAT ACTUALLY WHAT SHE DOING. AGAIN, IT JUST BIZARRE.
THE NOMADIC THING ACTUALLY MAKE RYAN MURPHY THE PERFECT DIRECTOR FOR THE FILM. HULK MOST APPRECIATE MURPHY’S WILLINGNESS TO PUSH BOUNDARIES INTO GREAT TOPICS AND EXPLORE INTERESTING CONCEPTS (HULK PRETTY MUCH REFERENCING THE GOOD EARLY SEASONS OF NIP/TUCK). BUT THERE ALSO LIKELY NO OTHER FIGURE IN HOLLYWOOD WHO GET BORED WITH SAID TOPICS/PROJECTS SO QUICKLY. HE WORK FOR BRIEF MOMENT ON SOMETHING THEN IMMEDIATELY MOVE ON. HIS TV SHOWS LEFT IN WASTE AFTER HE ALREADY RUN THEM DRY IN THE BRIEFEST OF SPANS. SO WHO BETTER TO CHARACTERIZE THE JOURNEY OF A WOMAN EXPLORING THE “JOURNEY” OF PASSING FANCY?
PICTURED: DISINTEREST
AGAIN, TO BE FAIR, THERE ACTUALLY A LOT HULK ENJOY ABOUT THE MOVIE IN TERMS OF TONE AND DIRECTION. THE MOMENTS IN AND OF SELF WELL-EXECUTED (THE LANDSCAPE, THE SENSE OF PEACE, EVERYTHING RICHARD JENKINS). AND MURPHY NEVER TRY GO FOR UNCALLED-FOR “EDGY” STUFF. HE JUST SEEM SURPRISINGLY FOCUSED ON SCENE AT HAND. BUT, LIKE GILBERT, THE OVERALL BACKBONE JUST MISSING.
HONESTLY, THE MOVIE ABOUT A LOT OF CONCEPTS THAT HULK FIND FASCINATING: EASTERN PHILOSOPHY, TRAVEL, FOOD, SOCIETAL PRESSURE, PSYCHOLOGY… BUT IT IT NEVER QUITE GET TO THAT REAL PLACE.
HULK GOING USE WORD “OPRAHISM” IN SENSE THAT LIKE MANY OF OPRAH’S LIFE SOLUTIONS IT NEVER GET TO SOURCE. IT ONLY ADDRESS SURFACE. AND HULK ACTUALLY NOT AN OPRAH-HATER. IN WORLD FULL OF POWERFUL MEDIA FIGURES SHE ONE OF EW WHO SEEM TRULY SERIOUS ABOUT PHILANTHROPIC CAUSES. AND IT OFTEN SHOCK HULK HOW MANY NOT KNOW THE STORY OF HER LIFE AND INCREDIBLE THINGS SHE OVERCOME. TRUST HULK, THE PAIN OF HER LIFE = ANYTHING BUT FALSE. SHE GO FROM THE MOST DESTITUTE OF SITUATIONS TO TRY AND MAKE SOMETHING POSITIVE.
ELIBETH GILBERT? SHE GROW UP ON PICTURESQUE CHRISTMAS TREE FARM IN CONNECTICUT.
GOOG GOD, THE OPRESSIVE HORROR!
SERIOUSLY. NOW AGAIN, HULK MAY NOT KNOW DETAILS, BUT FROM ALL ACCOUNTS SHE LARGELY CHARACTERIZE EARLY LIFE AS GLOURIOUS. IT NOW WONDER THAT MANY OF OPRAH’S REAL LIFE CONTRIBUTIONS = REAL AND PERMENANT. THE PROBLEM WITH OPRAH THAT IN TV FORM IT OFTEN COME OF AS FANCIFUL AND BITE-SIZED. SOMETHING PROMOTED AND INSINCERE. IN ONE WAY IT WHAT THE SHOW REQUIRE, BUT IN ANOTHER WAY IT PAINT VERY DIFFICULT CONCEPTS IN TOO BROAD STROKES.
HULK WILL EXPLAIN THIS ONE BETTER BELOW, BUT ONE OF BIGGEST PROBLEMS THAT THE SOLUTIONS OF SELF-ESTEEM IN EAT, PRAY, LOVE NOT APPLICABLE TO EVERYONE. WHATSOEVER. SO MUCH PRESENTED ONLY FOR THE RICH. THE FINANCIAL COSTS OF JOURNEY ASTRONOMICAL. AT LEAST OPRAH DO ABOUT HALF HER SHOWS FOR PEOPLE WHO NOT HAVE RIDICULOUS MONEY (AKA 95% OF HER AUDIENCE).
AND IT WOULDN’T BE ALL THAT BAD IF GILBERT NOT ACT INSUFFERABLE ABOUT THE SPECIFICS OF WHERE SHE TRAVEL. THE TONE OF HER VOICE “THIS NOT WHAT I LEARNED IN THIS SPECIFIC, HOLY PLACE AND HOW YOU, THE READER CAN USE IT!” BUT MORE “WOW, THIS IS WHAT YOU CAN LEARN ONLY IN THIS SPECIFIC PLACE. YOU HAVE TO COME HERE” IT RIDICULOUS. IT READ LIKE A TRAVEL AD. OR WORSE, A BUNCH OF RICH PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT THEIR VACATION AND TRYING ONE UP ONE ANOTHER.
"NO, REALLY HAITI HAS THE BEST ORPHANS!" - NOTE: HULK ACTUALLY ONCE HEAR WIFE OF HOLLYWOOD PRODUCER SAY THIS WITHOUT ONE HINT OF KIDDING
PART THREE: SO WHAT THE HELL REALLY WRONG WITH ELIZABETH GILBERT ANYWAY? HAS SHE ALWAYS BEEN LIKE THIS?
AGAIN HULK NOT KNOW HER. THIS ONLY ASSUMPTIONS BASED ON WHAT MATERIAL OUT THERE.
SO HULK WANT BE THOROUGH AS POSSIBLE IN BE SURE THAT THIS SLANDEROUS-BUT-NOT-IN-A-ILLEGAL-WAY SENTIMENT NOT UNFOUNDED. HULK WANT GO THROUGH EVERYTHING OUT THERE AND FIND THE SIMILARITIES (AND POSSIBLE COUNTERPOINTS) TO HULKS ADMITTEDLY-MEAN-SPIRITED POINT. AND THANKFULLY, THERE LOT OF MATERIAL OUT THERE ON ELIZABETH GILBERT. HULK MUST LOOK AT HER HISTORY AND SAY “WHO THIS PERSON SEEM LIKE AND WHY HULK SHOULD TRUST HER?”
SO HULK GO TO THE START OF HER CAREER… YUP, SHE THE NINCUMPOOP THAT HELP POPULARIZE THE COYOTE UGLY PHENOMENON.
PICTURE THE REVERSE: FROM THE CREATOR OF "EAT, PRAY, LOVE" COMES "GIRLS DANCING ON BAR!"
IN 1997 SHE WRITE GQ ARTICLE THAT GO ON BE THE BASIS FOR THE MOVIE. HERE THE ARTICLE. PLEASE READ.
QUITE FRANKLY, THE ARTICLE TERRIBLE. HULK NOT SURE HOW IT EVEN PUBLISHED LET ALONE BECOME SOME KIND OF ODD LAUNCH TO A QUASI-POPULARIZATION (HULK NOT SURE THE QUALITY OF GQ CAUSE HULK NEVER READ IT, BUT HULK PRETTY SURE HULK BEEN LINKED TO ARTICLES IN PAST AND THEY NOT REALLY LIKE THIS). HULK MEAN, IT RAMBLE. IT NIGH INCOHERENT. MORE IMPORTANTLY, SOME FOLKS READ ARTICLE AND MAY SAY “HOW THE HECK THIS SAME PERSON WHO WRITE EAT, PRAY, LOVE“? IT A GOOD QUESTION. TO BE FAIR, SHE IN HER 20’S WHEN WRITE THAT SO IT CERTAINLY FAIR TO ALLOW FOR GROWTH.
IT MUCH MORE IMPORTANT TO KEY IN ON THE SIMILARITIES. FIRST THING HULK NOTICE THAT FOR A SEEMINGLY DEEPLY PERSONAL ARTICLE ABOUT HER LIFE AND EXPERIENCE, THERE VERY LITTLE ACTUAL CONTENT OF SELF. MEANING IT SURPRISINGLY DISTANT. AND NOT DISTANT LIKE AN OBSERVATIONAL PIECE, IT JUST A RUN-ON LIST OF UNCONNECTED ANECDOTES. WHICH NOT EXACTLY A PROBLEM IN AND OF SELF, BUT THESE ANECDOTES CONTINUOUSLY MENTION HER AS AN ACTIVE PART OF THE SITUATION; TO EFFECT OF: “I COULD MAKE MEN WANT TO MARRY ME” AND SUCH (SHE MAKE THIS POINT A LOT). YET THERE IS ABSOLUTELY ZERO FUCKING INSIGHT INTO WHAT THAT MEANS FOR THESE PEOPLE AND WHAT HER CONTRIBUTION TO THE DYNAMIC SITUATION WAS… AGAIN… DOWNRIGHT BIZARRE. SHE WROTE DISTANT, OBSERVATIONAL PIECE WITH FIRST PERSON SINGULAR PROVOCATION. IT BETRAY ITSELF.
ULTIMATELY, GILBERT HAVE A SUBCONSCIOUS OBSESSION WITH SELF, YET IT A DECEPTIVE SELF. SHE JUST HAS TO THROW HERSELF INTO THE STORY DESPITE ANY RELEVANCE. AND SHE NEVER EVEN ATTEMPT TO LOOK HONESTLY AT THE SITUATION.
ALL HER WORK HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM: IT UNTRUSTWORTHY. HULK ACKNOWLEDGE THE “STORIES” MAY BE TRUE, BUT THE SENTIMENT/CONVEYANCE ALWAYS FEEL FALSE. ALL THE QUESTIONS OF THE STORY ALWAYS LEFT UNANSWERED. PERHAPS THE EDITORS WANTED IT TO BE SEX-ED UP, BUT IT IN THERE AND IT SO AMAZINGLY DISINGENUOUS. AND, HILARIOUSLY, NOTICE ON LAST PAGE THE MENTION OF ANOTHER “HEARTBREAK STORY.” NOTICE HOW EVEN IN TRUNCATED FORM THE READER GIVE THE SAME EXACT STORY ABOUT LOVE GONE AWRY. WE SENSE THEME HERE? HILARIOUSLY, OR PERHAPS TRAGICALLY, IN ARTICLE GILBERT MENTION HOW HAPPY SHE IN HER MARRIAGE NOW… AND THIS SAME MARRIAGE SHE HATE LATER ANNIHILATE AND USE AS GENESIS OF EAT, PRAY, LOVE… TOO BAD SHE WRITES IN INK.
OKAY NOW READ THIS OTHER ARTICLE ON “THE LAST AMERICAN MAN” AND DO HULK FAVOR: NOTICE HOW MUCH ELIZABETH GILBERT MENTION HERSELF. “I”, “MY”, ETC. READ THE ARTICLE:
WE RARELY ACTIVELY NOTICE THE HABIT (GOOD EDITORS DO THOUGH) BUT GILBERT = ALL OVER THE STORY. AND NOT IN GOOD WAY. IT ABOUT HER OBSERVATIONS (WHICH OFTEN PRETTY ROTE), NOT THE OBSERVATIONS THEMSELVES. THERE A CRUCIAL DIFFERENCE IN JOURNALISM. LIKE READ THIS:
“I felt as if I’d stepped into an eighteenth-century Quaker household. I felt as if I’d brought a bad smell in with me. I felt that I reeked of the stupidest features of modern American society (diet dog food, beepers for children), and I felt tragically incompetent. (I don’t work the land. I don’t make venison stew.)”
THE JOB OF WRITER TO APPROXIMATE EXPERIENCE FOR READER, AND SOMETIMES, YES, DO THAT THROUGH PERSONAL INPUT. BUT THIS EXEMPLARY OF HOW SHE GO FAR BEYOND IT. AND EVEN IF NOT OBVIOUS, SUBCONSCIOUSLY WE ABSORB THIS STUFF. IT MAKE US SEE THE WRITER PRESENT, BUT IT COME WITH GREAT COST OF DISTANCING. LOTS OF FOLKS OFTEN MAKE FUN OF THE USE OF “ONE FEELS” OR “ONE MIGHT THINK” AND EVEN THOUGH HULK GET WHY THAT MIGHT SEEM PRETENTIOUS, IT STILL DO THE NECESSARY JOB OF CREATING DISTANCE BETWEEN THE AUTHOR AND THE SUBJECT. IT MAKE THE AUTHOR = PURE OBSERVATION. IT UNIVERSALIZE THE THOUGHTS OF AUTHOR INTO THOUGHTS THAT COULD BE HAVE BY ALL.
INSTEAD, GILBERT TREAT HULK TO SHIT LIKE THIS:
“I didn’t mind the hard work, and I appreciated the beauty of Turtle Island, but my thoughts strayed—not to my family, not to hot running water, but to the really gorgeous and expensive Calvin Klein suit I’d purchased recently. While I was up there plowing that field, while Eustace was teaching me how to handle that draft horse, my thoughts were constantly wandering to that Calvin Klein suit, which is the nicest thing I’ve ever owned. I’d picture it hanging in my closet. I’d wonder how it was doing. And, I’m sorry to confess, I’d sigh with deep longing.”
HULK NOT GOING TO SUDDENLY GET DOWN ON THE PERILS OF HIGH FASHION OR ANYTHING. JUST CAUSE IT NOT HULKS INTEREST NOT MEAN HE BEGRUDGE THE INTEREST AS A WHOLE… BUT GOOD LORD, COME ON! YOU ACTUALLY GOING TO SAY THAT? JESUS CHRIST LADY. DOES SHE NO REALIZE THAT SHE NOT DOING THAT THING WHERE SHE ADMITTING SELF HUMAN FOIBLE IN A VERY HUMAN WAY THAT MAKE US LIKE HER? THAT SHE BASICALLY ADMITTING SOMETHING THAT ONLY JUST HORRID AND IN A RATHER HORRID WAY. UGH. DAMMIT…. SORRY HULK MOVING ON.
BUT WHAT MOST STRIKING, HOW THE ARTICLE HAVE STUNNINGLY LITTLE TO SAY.THE ARTICLE’S SUBJECT MATTER OF MAN IN BATTLE WITH NATURE SEEM LIKE SO MUCH COULD BE GET INTO… BUT IT JUST DOESN’T. HULK WOULD NO EVEN MIND A VERY PLAIN ASSESSMENT, BUT ALL HULK GET BRIEF FLIRTATIONS WITH THE VERY PLAIN IDEAS.
LIKE NEAR END OF ARTICLE SHE MISS THE MOST INTERESTING THING HER SUBJECT SAY: “Because,” Eustace said, “they recognized right away that I was a real person, and they’ve probably never met one before.
The next day…”
SERIOUSLY!?!? IT JUST TO THE NEXT DAY WITHOUT EVER REFERENCING?
SHE JUST LEAVE THE MOST INTERESTING THING THE MAN EVER SAY SHE JUST LEAVE THERE. IT NOT LIKE IT AN INSPIRING QUOTE, BUT THERE REAL OPPORTUNITY TO GET INTO THE MAN’S PSYCHOLOGY AND MOTIVATION FOR WHAT HE (I.E. WANTING TO BE A “REAL MAN”). IT NEVER REALLY TAPPED INTO.
HULK NOT GOING TO PUT HULK-SELF THOUGH HELL TO READ HER OTHER BOOK “PILGRIMS” AND PROVE POINT FURTHER (HULK DONE ENOUGH AND FRANKLY PRETTY TIRED), BUT HULK WANT POINT OUT ONE LAST THING FROM ELIZABETH GILBERT, THE PERSON.
NOT LONG AGO, GILBERT INVITED TO THE TED CONFERENCE (A SUMMIT ON TECHNOLOGY, CREATIVITY, AND FORWARD THINKING). SHE GET UP THERE AND, YOU GUESS IT, GIVE A SPEECH FOCUSING ON A NON-EXISTENT + SELF-INVOLVED PROBLEM. IT BASICALLY THIS: “AFTER EAT, PRAY, LOVE BIG SUCCESS ARE YOU AFRAID YOU’LL NEVER DO SOMETHING AS GOOD AGAIN??” AND IT TURN OUT, YES SHE WAS AFRAID! IT MADE HER TERRIFIED TO THINK ABOUT IT! BUT GUESS WHAT EVERYONE? THAT SHOULDN’T KEEP ANYONE DOWN! CREATIVITY SHOULD BE DARING RISK! AND THESE THE STEPS YOU NEED TO OVERCOME CRIPPLING FEAR OF ONGOING AND WELL DESERVED SUCCESS!
SERIOUSLY THAT WAS HER FUCKING TED SPEECH. SHE JUST FRAME AN IMAGINARY COMPLICATION AND THEN ACT LIKE SHE ABOVE THE CRIPPLING PRESSURE OF MEGA-SUCCESS. AND HULK NOT SAYING MEGA-SUCCESS NOT A REAL PROBLEM. IT HAVE GREAT PRESSURES. BUT KNOW WHO DEAL WITH MEGA-SUCCESS WELL? PEOPLE WHO UNDERSTAND THAT IT THE GREATEST GIFT THAT CAN EVER BE AFFORDED. PEOPLE LIKE GEORGE CLOONEY AND STEVEN SPIELBERG . PEOPLE WHO RECOGNIZE NOT THE BURDEN, BUT THE UNQUANTIFIABLE FREEDOM OF THAT PUBLIC SUCCESS AT MOST BASIC LEVEL.
CHECK OUT VIDEO HERE:
NOTICE HER WEIRD HABIT OF HER CONSTANTLY LAUGHING AT SELF WHILE AUDIENCE NOT LAUGHING AT ALL? IT JUST ANOTHER WAY THE WORLD INSIDE HER HEAD DIFFERENT FROM THE ONE WE EXPERIENCING.
PART FOUR: ELIZABETH GILBERT AND THE IMPLICATION ON CULTURE
HULK WANT HONESTY.
IT THE MOST IMPORTANT QUALITY IN A WRITER/FILMMAKER/WHATEVER-THE-HECK. EVEN IF THE STORY UNTRUE. EVEN IF THE WORK ABOUT AN EMOTION. EVEN IF JUST TRY MAKE US LAUGH. EVEN IF IT A BIG INTERGALACTIC SPACE OPERA… IT JUST HAVE FEEL HONEST. EVEN THE COMIC PRATFALL HAVE TO LOOK REAL.
HULK NO THINK GILBERT HONEST.
SHE PROBABLY EVEN NEED HELP. BUT IN FIT OF IRONY, SOCIETY HAVE REWARDED GILBERT’S SELF-DELUSION AND GIVEN HER UNIMAGINABLE SUCCESS. IT NOT WHAT SHE NEED. SHE SELF-TREATED FALSELY AND TO OUR OWN AMUSEMENT.
THERE WAY IN WHICH GILBERT COMPLETELY SYMBOLIC OF WHAT WRONG WITH (A CERTAIN ASPECT OF) AMERICA.
HULK HAVE NO IDEA WHY HULK BRINGING UP THE WIRE, BUT HULK GOING TO DO IT ANYWAY.
OH INDEED
THE SHOW’S CREATOR DAVID SIMON OFTEN USE PHRASE “THE OTHER AMERICA” TO TALK ABOUT THE PEOPLE OF THIS COUNTRY NOT USUALLY REFLECTED IN OUR TRADITIONAL MEDIA. THE AMERICA THAT DEAL WITH SET OF SOCIO-ECONOMIC PROBLEMS SO CRIPPLING, WE CAN NO EVEN BEGIN TO CONTEMPLATE. THE ONES THAT CANNOT BE FIXED WITH A BLANK CHECK, OR SWEEPING PROMISES, OR EVEN BEST INTENTIONS. BUT IT SO IMPORTANT TO REALIZE HOW OUR SOCIETY NO POSSIBLY IMPROVE OUR OWN LIVES WITHOUT ADDRESSING THE MASSIVE THINGS THAT NEED HAPPEN TO FIX “THE OTHER AMERICA.”
HULK’S POINT ON ELIZABETH GILBERT THIS: HOW THE FUCK CAN PEOPLE IN THE OTHER AMERICA ENJOY THE DELICIOUSNESS OF ITALIAN PASTA? HOW CAN THEY ENJOY THE PRISTINE TEMPLES? THE CALM OF BALI RAIN? THEY CAN’T.
AND LET NOT PRETEND “THE OTHER AMERICA” NOT PART OF THE AIM OF SELF HELP BOOKS. THE OTHER AMERICA READ/SAW EAT, PRAY, LOVE IN DROVES. HECK, EVEN MOST OF OPRAH’S AUDIENCE “THE OTHER AMERICA.” BUT THE SOLUTIONS PRESENTED IN BOOK NOT FOR FOR THEM. THEY DON’T WORRY ABOUT THE FUCKING CHANEL SUIT. THEY DON’T HAVE TO SPEND ALL THEIR EXTRANEOUS MONEY SO THEIR EX-HUSBAND DOESN’T GET IT. THEY DON’T WORRY ABOUT NOT BEING A SIZE 6.
SO SHOULD THEY EMBRACE EATING THE OVER-PROCESSED GARBAGE OF THE MEGA MART AND INDUSTRIAL FARMS?. OF COURSE NOT. BUT IT A NON-ISSUE IN GILBERT’S MIND. SHE NOT GET HOW PAINFULLY CLASSIST HER SOLUTIONS ARE. THINK HOW ODDLY GILBERT SEEM SIDE-STEP THE OVERWHELMING POVERTY OF INDIA AT EVERY STEP. THEN THERE THAT CHARITABLE GESTURE IN BALI, GILBERT’S SOLUTION TO THIS PROBLEM APPARENTLY RAISE MONEY FOR PERSON SHE MET TO BUY HOUSE. DON’T GET HULK WRONG, IT A WONDERFULLY NOBLE ACT IN SINGULARITY, BUT THE WAY IN WHICH IT REGARDED AS LIKE “ALL WE HAVE DO IS WRITE CHECKS AND MOVE ON.” SHE NOT USE THOSE WORDS OF COURSE, BUT THAT HER ACTIONS… IT THE EXACT PROBLEM WITH MODERN CHARITY. SHE CAPTURE HER RELUCTANCE, BUT NOT THE DEEPER PROBLEMS IN HERSELF.
ALL THIS ADD UP ONE SIMPLE THING: ELIZABETH GILBERT’S BIGGEST PROBLEM THAT THE PROBLEMS IN HER MIND EQUAL PLIGHT TO THE PROBLEMS IN THE WORLD… THEY ARE NOT.
SHE ULTIMATELY HAVE NO PERSPECTIVE IN A BOOK/FILM ABOUT GAINING PERSPECTIVE.
… SO…
PERHAPS 7000+ WORDS NOT NECESSARY. HULK EVEN CALLED UP MAMA-HULK TO TALK ABOUT IT AT ONE POINT AND MAMA-HULK PUT IT SIMPLY “HATED IT. ALL SHE DID WAS WHINE.” YUP… COULD HAVE SAVED YOU LOTS OF TIME. BUT THERE TIME FOR BROAD STROKES AND TIME FOR EXORBITANT, WELL-ARGUED TAKE-DOWNS. HULK FELT SHE SUCH A WELL-REGARDED AND POPULAR FIGURE, ONE WHO LARGELY CRITICIZED FOR WRONG AND ODDLY SEXIST REASONS… SO HULK FELT IT LIKE ONE OF THOSE TIMES TO DRONE.
IN MANY WAYS, HULK NOT NEARLY AS ANGRY AS WHEN HULK FIRST SEE MOVIE. BY ARTICULATING IT IN THIS LONG RAMBLING ESSAY, HULK LEARNED TO DEAL WITH MUCH SMASHY-ANGER ACTUALLY… IN END, EAT, PRAY, LOVE PROBABLY A FAIRLY INERT PROPERTY THAT NOT HAVE A FAR REACHING EFFECT ON WORLD.
BUT EVEN THAT NOT CHANGE FACT THAT EAT, PRAY, LOVE A BOOK/MOVIE DESIGNED TO HELP PEOPLE AND IT ABSOLUTELY FUCKING USELESS TO MOST AMERICANS, THE AMERICANS HULK SEE EVERY DAY. IN FACT, HULK THE ADVICE HARMFUL TO THEM (EAT MORE! SPEND ALL YOUR MONEY!).
DON’T MISUNDERSTAND HULK WHEN HULK SAY THIS, BUT IT OFTEN LIKE THE RUNNING INTERNET JOKE “WHITE PEOPLE PROBLEMS”… WELL ELIZABETH GILBERT’S PROBLEMS = THE EXACT DEFINITION OF “WHITE PEOPLE PROBLEMS.”
ACTUALLY… IT SO LACK UNDERSTANDING THAT IT LIKELY EVEN HARMFUL TO THE SELF-ABSORBED PEOPLE IT SEEM DESIGNED FOR.
SO MAKE THAT ZERO AMERICANS.
THATS NOT COUNTING GILBERT, WHO OBVIOUSLY MADE LOTS AND LOTS OF MONEY AND CAN BE SEEN COMPLAINING TO THIS VERY DAY.
LIKE MANY, HULK HAD GREAT LOVE OF JAMES BOND FILMS WHEN HULK WAS A LITTLE HULK. HULK RECENTLY FIND OUT THAT BETTY SEEN, LIKE, TWO OF THE ACTUAL BOND MOVIES. SO HULK MADE IT HULK’S MISSION TO WATCH ALL THE BOND FILMS, IN ORDER, WITH BETTY. IN SOME CASES IT BEEN OVER 20 YEARS SINCE HULK SEEN SAID BOND MOVIE.
THE RESULTS WERE SURPRISING.
BOND ENTRY #3: “GOLDFINGER” (1964)
GOLDFINGER CONSIDERED ONE OF BEST BONDS ALL TIME.
… HULK DISAGREE.
BUT IN ORDER DISCUSS GOLDFINGER HULK HAVE TALK ABOUT DIRECTION. LET JUST GET THIS BIT OBVIOUSNESS OUT OF WAY: DIRECTION THE MOST IMPORTANT THING ABOUT MOVIE. THIS NOT UNDERMINE WRITER WHATSOEVER. THEY MOST UNDERVALUED BY FAR. IT JUST GO WITHOUT SAYING THAT DIRECTION NEXT COLOSSAL STEP IN PROCESS AND IT POSSIBLE DESTROY GOOD SCRIPT W/ BAD DIRECTION/CASTING/EDITING ETC. ALL OF WHICH DIRECTOR’S RESPONSIBILITY ANYWAY.
IT VERY EASY DESTROY A GOOD SCRIPT. AND THAT EXACTLY WHAT ALMOST HAPPEN HERE.
IT WEIRD, BUT PEOPLE TEND THINK BOND FILMS NOT REALLY BEING “DIRECTED.” IT ALMOST LIKE PEOPLE THINK BOND FILMS EVOLVE AND EXIST IN NATURAL STATES WITH GOOD AND BAD CHOICES MADE BY ACTOR PLAYING BOND. THAT OBVIOUSLY NOT CASE BUT FOR SOME REASON IT JUST HAPPEN. PROBABLY CAUSE THEY ALL SO SIMILAR.
THE FIRST TWO BOND FILMS DIRECTED BY MAN NAMED TERENCE YOUNG (HE ALSO DIRECT THE 4TH FILM “THUNDERBALL”). ALL THREE FILMS RANK AMONG HULK’S FAVORITE BONDS. HE HAVE SUCH GOOD SENSE OF PACING AND IMBUE CONNERY’S WORLD WITH ORGANIC SENSE OF “REALITY” NO MATTER WHAT MAY HAPPEN. YOU ALWAYS BELIEVE HIS BOND MOVIES IF THAT MAKE SENSE. HULK EVEN CONSIDER HIM BY FAR THE BEST AT INTEGRATING SEXUALITY IN NON-CHEESY WAY INTO BOND MOVIE. AND HIS SUCCESS NOT JUST LIMITED TO BOND EITHER. YOUNG DIRECT THE CLASSIC FILM “WAIT UNTIL DARK”(1967) WITH AUDREY HEPBURN. BASICALLY, THE MAN GOT SKILLS AND HE LAUNCH THE FRANCHISE
BUT THE THIRD ENTRY, GOLDFINGER = DIRECTED BY MAN NAMED GUY HAMILTON… AND THE MAN A FREAKING HACK. YOU MAY SAY “BUT HULK! I LIKE GOLDFINGER! IT PRETTY GOOD!!! HOW HE A HACK, HULK,?!?!”
TRUE, GOLDFINGER NOT THAT BAD. HULK WILL ARTICULATE WHY IT SUCCEED IN MANY WAYS IN MINUTE, BUT FIRST LOOK AT OTHER FILMS GUY HAMILTON DIRECTED IN BOND SERIES…YUP… THREE OF WORST BONDS EVER (DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER, LIVE AND LET DIE, AND THE MAN WITH GOLDEN GUN). ALL MOVIES WITH SUCH BIZARRE AND DUMB CHOICES AS MAKE HULK SPEECHLESS. HIS ENTIRE CAREER AN EXAMPLE OF POORLY-AGED, BAT-SHIT DECISION-MAKING. SERIOUSLY, HULK CAN’T WAIT TEAR THOSE OTHER MOVIES APART….
BACK TO GOLDFINGER.
SEE THIS THE FIRST BOND TO HEAD FULL TILT IN “GIMMICKY” DIRECTION THAT LATER BE ITS UNDOING. HAMILTON OBSESSED WITH THIS KIND OF STUFF. BUT SINCE IT FIRST TIME WE SEEING GIMMICKS WE GET KIND OF EXCITED BY IT. IT SEEM LIKE NATURAL EVOLUTION OF WHAT WE SEE BEFORE. IT MORE “AWESOME” VERSION OF STUFF IN PREVIOUS MOVIES. NO MORE SIMPLE CAR WITH BULLET SHIELDS, WE GET BAD ASS CAR WITH EJECTOR SEATS! (HULK ALSO ARGUE THIS THE FIRST AND POSSIBLY LAST TIME A BOND GADGET CAR ENTERTAINING). THE GADGETS EVEN MORE CRAZY AND SCI FI. WE GET FIRST COMPLETELY NOVELTY BAD GUY IN ODD JOB (NOTICE THEY RETURN ONCE HAMILTON GET BACK TO SERIES). WE EVEN GET A WHOLE BUNCH OF WOMEN PILOTS IN THE BAD GUYS LAIR IN MATCHING CLOTHES :
PICTURED: NATIONAL THREAT
AND SIMPLY, IN THIS THIRD FILM WE REACH BOND-GIRL-DOUBLE-ENTENDRE-NAME APEX WITH “PUSSY GALORE.” THE SERIES WILL NEVER OUT DO. AND THERE ALL SORTS OF TWISTS/TURNS/INVERSIONS OF BOND CONVENTIONS THAT IT REALLY EXCITING IN KIND OF WAY.
THEY ALSO COME OH-SO-CLOSE TO BEING OUT OF CONTROL RIDICULOUS.
DON’T BELIEVE HULK? WAS WOMAN NOT KILLED BY BEING PAINTED IN GOLD? DID THAT NOT HAPPEN? CAUSE HULK PRETTY SURE THAT HAPPEN.
CUE STRATEGICALLY PLACED PILLOW!
DESPITE THIS KIND OF STUFF, RICHARD MAIBAUM STILL THERE WITH SOLID-ISH SCRIPT (BEFORE TOM MANKIEWICZ SHOW UP AND RUIN EVVV-ERRR-EEE-THING… HULK SAID THAT GARY OLDMAN STYLE). AND IT STILL FIRMLY ROOTED IN 60’S EARLY BONDESS BEFORE WENT TACKY IN 70S. BETTER YET, SEAN CONNERY STILL SEEM CARE A BIT. IT ALL THESE GOOD QUALITIES THAT PREVENT THE GIMMICK INCLINATION FROM PULLING GOLDFINGER TOO FAR. AND AS RESULT IT TOE LINE BETWEEN THE OLD SCHOOL SEXIST BADASSERY PEOPLE LOVE ABOUT SEAN CONNERY’S BONDS AND THE NEW SCHOOL GADGETRY AND CAMP.
PERHAPS THAT WHY PEOPLE LOVE IT SO? IT TOE THE LINE FOR PEOPLE WHO LIKE BOTH?
… BUT FOR HULK IT DIDN’T PLEASE EITHER SIDE OF HULK THAT LIKES THOSE THINGS.
BEST MOMENT: MAIN VILLAIN INVITE CRIME SYNDICATES TO HEAR HIS LONG/IN DEPTH MASTER PLAN THEN IMMEDIATELY KILL THEM FOR NO REASON WHATSOEVER
YEAH, BUT WHAT ABOUT THE BOND GIRLS?:
SHE LOOK LIKE SHE SMOKE A PACK FOR BREAKFAST... THERE ALSO SOMETHING LOHANISH GOING ON HERE
1) SHIRLEY EATON AS JILL MASTERSON – GOLDFINGER PLAY WITH CONVENTION OF BOND GIRL. AT FIRST WE MEET JILL MASTERSON, GOLDFINGER’S ASSISTANT WHO HELP HIM CHEAT AT CARS. BOND SLEEP WITH HER AND CONVINCE HER MESS UP HER JOB, SO GOLDFINGER KILL HER BY PAINTING HER IN GOLD THUS SUFFOCATING HER… SO… YEAH… BUT PEOPLE REALLY LIKE HER CAUSE SHE SUPER PRETTY IN THAT BOMBSHELL WAY AND GET NAKED PAINTED IN GOLD DESPITE CLEARLY SEEING HER UNDERWEAR. ANYWAY HULK FIND HER KIND OF FORGETTABLE. MOVING ON.
HULK ADORE HER
2) TANIA MALLET AS TILLY MASTERSON – AHHH. THIS MORE LIKE IT. HULK BE HONEST. HULK THINK TANIA MALLET BEAUTIFUL. SHE GRACE-KELLY-LIKE. HER STORY ALSO INTERESTING IN THAT SHE ONE OF RARE PEOPLE WHO JUST NOT THAT INTO BEING ACTRESS. SHE LIKE WORKING AS MODEL MORE AND LEFT ACTING AFTER GOLDFINGER. SHE ONLY HAVE COUPLE CREDITS TO HER NAME. ANYCRAP, HER CHARACTER ALSO INTERESTING IN THAT SHE THE 2ND “FALSE START” BOND GIRL IN THE MOVIE. SHE JILL’S SISTER AND WANT AVENGE DEATH BY KILLING GOLDFINGER. BOND THINK SHE ACTUALLY HUNTING HIM, BUT A FEW NEAT SCENES LATER THEY COME TO UNDERSTANDING AND THEN SHE RANDOMLY (AND CONFUSINGLY) SHOT DEAD. SO MUCH FOR TANIA.
SHE PITIES FOOLS
3) HONOR BLACKMAN AS PUSSY GALORE – ENTER PUSSY GALORE, GOLDFINGER’S RASPY-VOICED PILOT HENCHWOMAN WHO TOUGH AS NAILS AND COMPLETELY NO NONSENSE. BESIDES HAVING MOST RIDICULOUS NAME IN BOND ICONOGRAPHY, BOND ALSO DATE RAPES HER. SERIOUSLY. GO BACK WATCH SCENE… YIKES. ANYWAY SHE ENTER GAME SO LATE THAT HULK REALLY HAVE NO INTEREST IN THEIR RELATIONSHIP (THE DATE RAPE DOESN’T HELP EITHER). NATURALLY SHE PART OF BOND GIRL ARCHETYPE 3 “DEVOTED HENCHWOMAN TURNED TO GOOD THROUGH THE POWER OF JAMES BOND’S WIENER.”…. THIS WILL HAPPEN… A LOT.
MOMENT OF MISOGYNY: TWO WORDS: “MAN TALK”
HULK THINK THAT TAKE THE CAKE FOR ENTIRE BOND SERIES.
SUPPORTING CAST:
SINCE HULK COVERED THE BOND GIRLS, REALLY IT ONLY ABOUT AURIC GOLDFINGER HIMSELF. FIRST OFF, GOLDFINGER PLAYED BY MAN NAMED GERT FRöBE COMPLETE WITH UMLAUT. THAT NAME AWESOME. AND DESPITE HIS “I LIKE GOLD!” GIMMICK HULK SORT OF FIND HIM BE ONE OF MOST BORING VILLAINS OF BOND OEUVRE. HIS PLAN = STUPID. HIS TEAM OF PILOTS OBVIOUSLY NOT SHARE HIS INTERESTS. HIS HENCHMEN THROWS A HAT. HE CHEAT AT GOLF. AND ONCE OVERPOWERED HE RUN AROUND HELPLESS. THE ONLY INTERESTING THING HE EVER DO = THREATEN KILL THE SOURCE OF JAMES BOND’S POWER…
AND NO FORGET CEC LINDER’S ONE AND ONLY PERFORMANCE AS FELIX… THAT ALL HULK GOT HONESTLY.
I EXISTED!
DUMB OBLIGATORY RATING SYSTEM: THREE SMASHES OUT OF FIVE.
BETTY’S TAKE: “Was that the one where the chick was dipped in gold? I think I remember that one. How many freaking bonds have we watched so far? When does Sean Connery come back cause I’m not feeling Roger Moore one iota.”
THIS MAY SOUND ODD, BUT CHARLIE SHEEN NOT NEARLY AS INSANE AS YOU THINK.
REALLY?
YOU SAY “BUT HULK! HE TALKING RAVING NONSENSE! HE PISS AWAY MILLIONS OF FUTURE EARNINGS! HE HAVING COCAINE BINGE WITH PORNSTARS! HOW HE NOT INSANE HULK!?!?”
YES, THIS ALL TRUE. BUT WHAT YOU SAY IF HULK SUGGESTED THAT LOT OF SHEEN’S BEHAVIOR LARGELY CALCULATED? NOT THE ACTUAL WORDS OF RAVINGS, OR SPECIFICS OF PARTYING. NO, THIS NOT A WRITTEN PLOT. THIS NOT AN ELABORATE RUSE. THIS STUFF REALLY WHAT CHARLIE SHEEN WANT BE DOING AND THIS COMING FROM REAL PLACE.
HULK JUST THINK HE MAKING VERY SPECIFIC DECISION TO COME OUT WITH THIS INNER RIDICULOUSNESS (WHICH ALWAYS BE THERE) AND BE LIVING VERSION OF RON BURGUNDY.
WHAT HULK SAYING = THIS NOT A OUT-OF-CONTROL “MELTDOWN” BUT VERY CONTROLLED/FUN COMING OUT PARTY OF GUY WHO, WELL, JUST WANT TO QUIT WORK AND PARTY.
WHY WOULD SHEEN HAVE SOMETHING TO PARTY ABOUT ALL OF SUDDEN? WELL, IF YOU CONSIDER SHEEN’S HISTORY, HE JUST PULL OFF BIGGER HEIST THAT THE ONE IN OCEAN’S 11.
HULK CAN PROVE IT.
GO AND WATCH THE WORK IN CHARLIE SHEEN’S CAREER. WATCH WALL STREET AND PLATOON. SHEEN SHOW HE A YOUNG KID WITH BROODING INTENSITY. TRUE THERE THERE NOT LOT RANGE THERE, BUT IT PLAYED STRAIGHT AND IT PLAYED WELL. THEN WATCH THE “HOT SHOTS” MOVIES, WHERE PLAY THE SAME STRAIGHT-FACED MODE BUT IN CONTEXT IT CAME OFF FOR GREAT LAUGHS. IT CALLED BEING DEAD-PAN AND SHEEN GOT IT. GO WATCH HIS GREAT DRUGGED OUT SCENE IN “FERRIS BUELLER’S DAY OFF” AND IT WORK EVEN BETTER. WATCH THE FIRST TWO MAJOR LEAGUES. WATCH “EIGHT MEN OUT.” WATCH HIS GREAT SCENE IN “BEING JOHN MALKOVICH.” ALL WATCHED UP?
YOU NO HAVE WATCH THIS THOUGH
YOUR FIRST REACTION, “WOW CHARLIE SHEEN BEEN IN LOTS OF GOOD OR DECENT MOVIES.”
YOUR SECOND REACTION, “WOW CHARLIE SHEEN ACTUALLY PRETTY KINDA GOOD IN LOTS OF THOSE MOVIES.”
YOUR THIRD REACTION “NO MATTER WHAT CONTEXT, CHARLIE SHEEN GIVING SAME DELIVERY/PERFORMANCE EVERY TIME.”
HULK ARGUE THAT WIDE-EYED STRAIGHT FORWARD SERIOUSNESS = CHARLIE SHEEN’S ONLY ACTING MODE. THIS NOT MEANT BE INSULT. AT ALL. LOTS OF ACTORS HAVE ONE “MODE.” HECK. HULK KNOW HOW DIFFICULT IT TO EVEN HAVE ONE “MODE.” WHAT HULK SAY = SHEEN’S CHARACTER IN WALL STREET THE EXACT SAME CHARACTER FOR HOT SHOTS. AND THE SAME MODE AS PLATOON. HE DONE IT HIS WHOLE CAREER AND IT REASONABLY EFFECTIVE IN BOTH DRAMA/COMEDY.
NOW WATCH SHEEN IN “TWO AND A HALF MEN.”
NOTICE ANYTHING? YUP… NOT ONLY WHAT HE DOING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT FROM HIS “ACTING MODE,” BUT IT NOT REALLY ACTING AT ALL. THERE NO DELIVERY. THERE NO INFLECTION. IT LAZIER THAN LAZY. HE JUST SMIRKING THE ENTIRE WAY THROUGH.
SERIOUSLY. HE DO IT IN NEARLY EVERY SINGLE MOMENT OF SHOW. AUDIENCE NEVER GET ONE OF THOSE GREAT STRAIGHT-FACED, WAY-SERIOUS LINE DELIVERIES THAT GIVE HIM COMEDY CAREER. YOU MAY SAY “HULK, BUT THAT NOT APPROPRIATE FOR SHOW!” HULK DISAGREE. EVERY TIME HULK CATCH SNIPPET OF SHOW, THE “USUAL SHEEN DELIVERY” OF OVERT SERIOUSNESS WOULD IMPROVE COMEDY OF GIVEN LINE TEN FOLD.
NOPE. CHARLIE SHEEN ONLY HAVE THE “MONA LISA SMILE” THE WHOLE TIME.
IT KINDA LIKE THIS... YEAH HE NOT UP TO SOMETHING
THAT CAUSE UP TIL NOW, HE ONLY ONE IN ON JOKE.
AND IT A PRETTY GOOD JOKE: CHARLIE SHEEN HAS EARNED OVER 150 MILLION FROM “TWO AND A HALF MEN” AND HAS NEVER TRIED FOR ONE SECOND.
THINK ABOUT IT. IMAGINE SHOWING UP A FEW DAYS A WEEK. NOT TRYING. DOING YOUR ABSOLUTE WORST JOB. REAPING BENEFITS OF SUCCESS. AND EARNING 150 MILLION FOR YOUR WORST EFFORT. IT AMAZING THIS CHARADE LAST AS LONG AS DID.
AND HONESTLY, SHEEN PRESUMABLY TAKE JOB BECAUSE OF MONEY IN FIRST PLACE. WITH SITCOM, NEVER KNOW IF IT BE SUCCESS, BUT IF IT HIT, THEN THE SKY THE LIMIT. IT FAIR TO SAY SHEEN NEVER REALLY BELIEVE OR TAKE PRIDE IN SHOW (THAT DEFINITELY CLEAR NOW). HE JUST KEEP SHOWING UP AND NOT BELIEVE HIS DUMB LUCK.
HULK NOT TRYING CRITICIZE AUDIENCE OF TWO AND HALF MEN. NOT AT ALL. THE SHOW FIGURE OUT HOW MIX LOT OF DIFFERENT AUDIENCES AND THAT BE COMMENDED IN SOME WAY. IT JUST NOT HULK’S CUP OF TEA AND THAT FINE. BUT HULK DEFINITELY FEEL COMFORTABLE SAY THAT SHEEN HIMSELF COAST BY ON MEDIOCRITY. AT LEAST JON CRYER, MELANIE LYNSKEY, AND OTHER ACTORS SEEM BE TRYING AND THAT SEEM BE BACKBONE OF SHOW. EVEN IN “SPIN CITY” HE SEEMED HAVE MORE INTERE3ST.
BUT FOR THIS SHOW? SHEEN JUST SIT THERE. BARELY INFLECTING. SMIRKING WHOLE TIME.
AND SO CHARLIE SHEEN BEEN CASHING CHECKS FOR 8 YEARS WAITING TIL THE GIG FINALLY FLAME OUT. OR UNTIL HE HAVE TRUE “F-U MONEY” AS CHUCK KLOSTERMAN PUT IT. AND THEN?
CHARLIE CAN DO ANYTHING HE WANT NOW.
AND HE SEEM TO BE ENJOYING THAT “ANYTHING”
THE SPECIFICS OF STUFF HE DOING SEEM BE BIG TOPIC OF DISCUSSION. AFTER ALL, A LOT OF IT PRETTY ENTERTAINING. IT CERTAINLY RATHER QUOTABLE. AND LOTS OF OTHER OUTLETS BEEN WRITING ABOUT HIS POSSIBLE PSYCHOLOGY AT MOMENT AND DOING MUCH BETTER JOB THAN HULK COULD. REALLY, HULK JUST WANTED CONTRIBUTE TWO THOUGHTS TO CONVERSATION. 1) IT NOT A MELTDOWN. AND 2) NO ONE SEEMING TO TALK ABOUT THE CELEBRATION OF HIS “WIN.” SERIOUSLY, WHY ELSE WOULD SHEEN BE BURNING BRIDGES LIKE IT HIS JOB. ESPECIALLY AS SHEEN’S RECENT BEHAVIOR TOTALLY LIKE THAT OF A “GETAWAY.” (NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH THIS)
SO SHEEN HAVING CRAZY IRRESPONSIBLE FUN. HE MESSING WITH US. HE TALKING NONSENSE. HE PARTYING. YOU THINK OTHER HOLLYWOOD STARS NOT PARTY LIKE THAT? YOU BE SURPRISED. WAY MORE DO THAN JUST IN TABLOIDS. (THO BE FAIR, THE OTHER HALF LEAVE SURPRISINGLY NORMAL LIVES).
BECAUSE THING IS CHARLIE SHEEN BEEN PARTYING LIKE THIS SINCE HE, WHAT, 16? AND IN THAT TIME IT RARELY AFFECT HIS “WORK.” HE JUST HAVE A PROJECT WHERE HE INTERESTED AND TRYING… OR HE HAVE PROJECT HE NOT CARING ABOUT.
THAT IT.
THIS NOT A MELTDOWN.
IT THE AMUSING AFTERMATH OF A GUY WHO PULL A 150 MILLION DOLLAR HEIST.
YUP
*FINAL NOTE: HULK NOT ENDORSING ALL THINGS SHEEN. NOT BY LONG SHOT. E.G. HULK DEFINITELY NOT ON BOARD WITH THE 9/11 TRUTHER NONSENSE. AND THERE BEEN LOTS OF RUMBLINGS OF OTHER SORDID THINGS, BUT THAT STUFF NOT EXACTLY PART OF CURRENT CONVERSATION (AT LEAST NOT HULK’S NARRATIVE OF SITUATION)… SO… YEAH
LIKE MANY, HULK HAD GREAT LOVE OF JAMES BOND FILMS WHEN HULK WAS A LITTLE HULK. HULK RECENTLY FIND OUT THAT BETTY SEEN, LIKE, TWO OF THE ACTUAL BOND MOVIES. SO HULK MADE IT HULK’S MISSION TO WATCH ALL THE BOND FILMS, IN ORDER, WITH BETTY. IN SOME CASES IT BEEN OVER 20 YEARS SINCE HULK SEEN SAID BOND MOVIE.
THE RESULTS WERE SURPRISING.
BOND ENTRY #2. “FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE” (1963)
THE SECOND ENTRY IN BOND SERIES DEFINITELY IN HULK’S RUNNING FOR “BEST BOND EVER.” BUT IN ORDER QUALIFY THAT, HULK FIRST DISCUSS “WHAT MAKE A GOOD BOND FILM?”
TO SOME, THEY JUST WANT GOOD MOVIE. ONE THAT OBSCURE THE NONSENSICAL ELEMENTS OF BOND SERIES IN ORDER GRAVITATE TOWARD THINGS LIKE “STORY” AND “EMOTION.” FOR OTHERS, THEY WANT AS MANY BOND CONVENTIONS TO BE LOADED INTO 2 HOURS AS POSSIBLE. HULK ARGUE THIS SORT OF “ANTI-MOVIE-MAKING” BUT HULK UNDERSTAND IT TOO. BECAUSE THERE THINGS THAT MAKE JAMES BOND UNIQUELY JAMES BOND. AND EVERY COUPLE YEARS PEOPLE WANT GET THEIR FILL. HULK TOTALLY GET IT, BUT IT ALSO CAN GET A BIT PAVLOVIAN AT TIMES (CHECK OUT THE ABSURDLY FRIGHTENING “CRAIG NOT BOND” CAMPAIGN FROM FEW YEARS BACK THAT PREDICATED PURELY ON FACT DANIEL CRAIG HAVE BLONDE HAIR. IT BEYOND FUCKING INSANE.)
B-B-BUT HE BLONDE! AND HIS TIE UNTIED! UNSPEAKABLE!
HULK LEAN A LITTLE HEAVY ON THE “STORY” DIRECTION (HULK MEAN, ARE THESE MOVIES OR ARE THESE MOVIES?) BUT REALLY HULK DEEPLY APPRECIATE THE SUCCESSFUL BLENDING OF THE TWO. WHAT MAKE THE EARLY CONNERY RUN SO EXCITING THAT THEY MAKING THE RULES OF SERIES RIGHT THEN/THERE. IT GENUINELY FUN SEE HOW THE SHADOW S.P.E.C.T.E.R. EXTEND FURTHER AND FURTHER INTO WORLD INFLUENCE. AND THE INCREASING GRANDEUR OF EVIL LAIRS = GENUINELY THRILLING TO AUDIENCE (IT NEAT FOR MODERN AUDIENCE SEE ACTUAL THINGS CALLED “SETS”). SO HULK LOVE IT WHEN LATER FILMS MANAGE TO CAPTURE SAME SENSE OF AWE, ESPECIALLY CONSIDERING HOW DIFFICULT DO SINCE AUDIENCE KNOW IT COMING.
MOVING ON: HULK ACTUALLY HAVE THEORY THAT EVERY BOND FILM MERELY A RESPONSE TO THE RESPONSE OF THE ONE BEFORE IT. NOT ENOUGH GADGETS? THE NEXT ONE HAVE CRAZY GADGETS EVERYWHERE. TOO MANY GADGETS EVERYWHERE? THE NEXT ONE GO EASY ON GADGETS… AND SO ON. FOR EXAMPLE PEOPLE LIKE THE GRITTY, REALISTIC MANNER OF CASINO ROYALE, BUT WANTED MORE ACTION SCENE, SO QUANTUM OF SOLACE GO EVEN FURTHER WITH GRITTY AND ALSO CRAM IT CHOCK FULL OF ACTION SCENE. OF COURSE PEOPLE COMPLAIN ABOUT THIS SO NEXT ONE WILL GO MORE WITH INTRIGUE/SUAVENESS.
AND THIS “REACTION TO LAST ONE” EVEN QUALIFY FOR “FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE.”
THE FIRST FILM “DR. NO” COME OUT AND IT MASSIVE HIT. PEOPLE LOVE THE GAGDET STUFF SO THIS TIME BOND GET REALLY NEAT BRIEFCASE FULL OF THEM. LIKEWISE, SOME PEOPLE FELT DR. NO NOT SERIOUS ENOUGH SPY MOVIE SO “RUSSIA” OBSCURE SOME OF THE CAMP OF FIRST ONE AND FAVOR A MORE CONCENTRATED AND CLASSIC ESPIONAGE/LOVE STORY. IN FACT, THE FILM HAS HITCHCOCK INFLUENCE ALL OVER IT: THE HELICOPTER CHASE RIGHT OUT OF “NORTH BY NORTHWEST”. THE SNIPER SCENE SHOT COMPLETELY IN HITCHCOCKIAN STYLE. THEN THERE WHOLE WONDERFULLY QUIET/TENSE “STRANGERS ON A TRAIN” FINALE.
SOME PEOPLE THINK “FROM RUSSIA” A LITTLE TOO BORING AND NOT “BOND ENOUGH,” BUT HULK THINK THE WHOLE MOVIE WORK GREAT AS PERFECT BLENDING OF PURE BOND ENTRY AND INDEPENDENT PIECE OF CINEMA. IT DEFINITELY ONE OF HULK’S FAVORITES.
BEST MOMENT: SURPRISINGLY EFFECTIVE CLOSE-QUARTER FIGHT CHOREOGRAPHY IN THE TRAIN / ROSA KLEBB IN THE MAID OUTFIT (TIE)
GENIUS
YEAH, BUT WHAT ABOUT THE BOND GIRLS?:
1) DANIELA BIANCHI AS TATIANA RAMANOVA – ARCHETYPE: THE RIVAL AGENT SET UP BE VILLAINESS (THOUGH IN THIS VARIATION SHE SORT OF UNWITTING ONE) BUT SHE ACTUALLY FALL FOR HIM. SHE CONTINUE THE BOND GIRL TRADITION OF VACUOUSNESS (WHICH ALL MORE WEIRD CONSIDERING SHE A QUALIFIED RUSSIAN AGENT?)… BUT HERE THING. DESPITE ALL THIS NONSENSE, TATIANA RAMANOVA STILL FEEL LIKE REAL PERSON. HULK KNOW, HULK KNOW. THAT SEEM LIKE WEIRD STATEMENT, BUT FILM JUST SPEND SO MUCH TIME WITH HER (WAY MORE THAN ANY OTHER BOND GIRL) THAT EVEN IF SHE BIT NAIVE, HER LOOK AND CHARACTER JUST MUCH MORE OF A “ADULT WOMAN” IN COMPARISON TO THE PARADE OF INFANTILE GIRLS BOND FILM USUALLY SHOVE OUT THERE. BIANCHI’S RAMANOVA MUCH MORE OF A HITCHCOCKIAN FEMALE LEAD (COMPLETE WITH THEIR OWN PROBLEMS OF SEXISM) RATHER THAN THE COMPLETE FEMALE IDIOT AUDIENCE WILL GROW USE TO. AND PERHAPS THAT WHY SHE ONE OF HULK’S FAVES.
THIS MAY BE ANOTHER REASON
2 + 3) MARTINE BESWICK AND ALIZA GUR – BOTH PLAY TWO GYPSIES IN WHAT ALSO HAPPEN TO BE OUR:
MOMENT OF MISOGYNY: TWO GYPSY WOMEN MADE TO FIGHT TO DEATH FOR RIGHT TO JAMES BOND’S DONG… OF COURSE THEY BOTH WIN.
WHY MURDER WHEN CAN SHARE?
SUPPORTING CAST – DR. NO HINTED AT END OF FIRST FILM THAT HE JUST PART OF LARGER ORGANIZATION S.P.E.C.T.E.R. HERE WE SEE MORE OF SHADOWY WEALTHY GROUP. AND 1) THE MAIN “VILLAIN” IN THIS ONE SIMPLY AN ARYAN BLONDE HITMAN NAMED “DONALD GRANT” WHO SENT TO KILL HIM. HE SPEND MOST OF MOVIE LOOKING MENACING AND TRACKING BOND ACROSS EUROPE (WHILE USING RAMANOVA AS PAWN) BUT RARELY SPEAKING. WHICH MEAN HE SIMPLY NEED HAVE GREAT LOOK/NATURAL PRESENCE. SO WHO BETTER THAN ROBERT SHAW! THAT RIGHT! QUINT FROM JAWS! ANYWHO, HE MOSTLY SET UP AS SILENT BAD ASS. THEN IN FINALE HE SURPRISE AUDIENCE WITH COVERT WITH BRITISH ACCENT IN GREAT TETE-A-TETE SCENE WITH BOND. THE BUILD UP SO GOOD THAT “ARYAN BLONDE ASSASSIN” ACTUALLY ONE OF HULK’S FAVORITE BOND VILLAINS.
ACTUALLY, HE LOOK LOT LIKE DANIEL CRAIG... WEIRD
2) PEDRO ARMENDARIZ AS ALI KERIM BEY – YET ANOTHER OF THE MINORITY SUPPORTING CHARACTERS WHO SHOW UP AND DIE IN SERVICE OF JAMES BOND. THIS ONE MADE ALL THE BETTER BY HAVING A FAMOUS MEXICAN CHARACTER ACTOR PLAY TURKISH GUY (THE 60S CAN GET AWAY W/ THAT STUFF… THEN AGAIN, HOLLYWOOD STILL GET AWAY WITH PAN-ASIAN CASTING LIKE NOBODY BUSINESS). TO BE FAIR, PEDRO PRETTY GOOD IN FILM. MEANING HE SORTA LIKABLE AND HE NOT TOTALLY EMBARRASSING. IT THE LITTLE THINGS… HIS STORY A SAD ONE AS HE FIND OUT HE HAVE TERMINAL CANCER WHILE FILMING AND DIE SHORTLY AFTER COMPLETION.
3) DESMOND LLEWELYN MAKE FIRST APPEARANCE AS Q! OK, HE JUST “BOOTHROYD” AT THIS POINT AND NOT IN FULL Q GLORY YET, BUT WE GET SEE FIRST BITS OF HIS SHTICK. HULK SAVE HIS “Q” TAKE FOR LATER.
4) LOTTE LENYA AS ROSA KLEBB – TOO FANTASTIC TO DESCRIBE. HER MINCING ALPHA LESBIANISM AND PATENT ABSURDITY EVEN BETTER THAN HER AUSTIN POWERS DOPPELGANGER.
DUMB OBLIGATORY RATING SYSTEM: 5 HULK SMASHES OUT OF5!
BETTY’S TAKE: “I still can’t get over his thighs ”
LIKE MANY, HULK HAD GREAT LOVE OF JAMES BOND FILMS WHEN HULK WAS A LITTLE HULK. HULK RECENTLY FIND OUT THAT BETTY SEEN, LIKE, TWO OF THE ACTUAL BOND MOVIES. SO HULK MADE IT HULK’S MISSION TO WATCH ALL THE BOND FILMS, IN ORDER, WITH BETTY. IN SOME CASES IT BEEN OVER 20 YEARS SINCE HULK SEEN SAID BOND MOVIE.
THE RESULTS WERE SURPRISING.
PART ONE: THE FIRST CONNERY RUN
TO MANY, SEAN CONNERY = JAMES BOND. HULK UNDERSTAND THIS. HE NOT ONLY DEFINE ROLE BUT THERE SOMETHING SO EFFORTLESS ABOUT WAY HE DO IT… THOUGH HULK ADMIT IT PROBABLY THIS SAME EFFORTLESSNESS THAT USHER IN HIS “GOING THROUGH MOTIONS” OF LATER FILMS, BUT IN WAY THAT PERFECTLY UNDERSTANDABLE.
CONNERY’S BOND WAS UNAPOLOGETIC-ALLY MALE. STRONG. PURELY CONFIDENT. SURLY. TOTALLY SEXIST… OKAY SO BOND A DEEPLY FLAWED AND ARCHAIC MALE, BUT HULK ARGUE THERE DICHOTOMY THERE. HULK’S POINT NOT HELPED BY FACT THOSE FLAWS NOT REALLY GIVEN CREEDENCE WHATSOEVER… IN FACT A LOT OF THE MOVIES CELEBRATE THESE NEGATIVE TRAITS (AND EVEN CREEPILY GOING OUT OF WAY TO JUSTIFY THEM AS BEING “THE WAY IT SHOULD BE” … MORE ON THIS LATER). TRULY, FEMINIST HULK WOULD HAVE FIELD DAY WITH BOND MOVIES AND JUSTLY SO.
SO PART OF WATCHING BOND MOVIES ABOUT WATCHING THROUGH THAT SUBTEXT. THERE PART OF HULK’S BRAIN THAT GO “HOW RIDICULOUS THAT!” AND JUST SHRUG OFF. AND OFTEN THE SEXIST STUFF SO SERIOUSLY OVER THE TOP WHEN COMPARED TO TODAY, IT JUST SO EASY TO SHRUG OFF AS BEING STUPID. THERE NO WAY TO TAKE IT SERIOUSLY.
WHAT HELP = THE ENTERTAINING PARTS TRULY ENTERTAINING. IN OFFERING WORST OF SLICK HOLLYWOOD ENTERTAINMENT THEY ALSO OFFER THE BEST. THE FILMMAKING USUALLY TOP NOTCH AND TRENDSETTING. THEY ALWAYS BEEN BIG AND BOMBASTIC. THE LOCATIONS ALWAYS WHOLLY SEDUCTIVE. THE ACTORS ALWAYS CARTOONISHLY DRIPPING WITH SEXUALITY. HULK ADMIT WATCHING BOND MOVIES WHOLLY “PORNOGRAPHIC” AND HULK NOT JUST TALKING ABOUT THE SULTRY, NAKED SILHOUETTE OPENINGS AND MORE IN TERMS OF “LIFESTYLE PORN”… IT MALES IN TOTAL CONTROL. *
BOND HIMSELF THE PORNOGRAPHIC VEHICLE, AND NOT JUST FOR HIS WIENER. WHAT BOND REPRESENT ABOUT BEING THE WORST OF MEN, HE ALSO THE BEST OF MEN: IMPOSSIBLY STRONG. HE FAR FROM A BLUNT BRUTE, HE INTELLIGENT. HE DEXTEROUS. HE DEBONAIR. HE CULTURED.
BUT BETTER YET, HE ALWAYS HIMSELF.
AND THAT WHY JAMES BOND ALWAYS REFRAIN FROM COVERT ESPIONAGE. THAT WHY HE RARELY HIDE IN DISGUISE. HE ONLY BOND, JAMES BOND… BECAUSE NOT ONLY THERE NO ONE BETTER, BUT THERE NO ONE ELSE WE WILL ACCEPT.
SO NOW THEN:
1. DR. NO (1962)
THE GREAT THING ABOUT DR. NO THAT NO MATTER HOW MUCH THE NEXT 50 YEARS INFLUENCE THE FRANCHISE, THE FILM STILL COME OFF AS FRESH AND ORGANIC. EVEN THOUGH THERE SO MANY MOMENTS THAT BECOME “CLICHED” LATER, THEY STILL FEEL LIKE LARGELY NEW IDEAS AND THAT AMAZING TO HULK. BETTER YET, HULK COULD NO BELIEVE HOW FULLY FORMED THE BOND FRANCHISE FEEL FROM BEGINNING. SO MANY BOND CONVENTIONS ALREADY IN PLACE, LIKE HOW HULK FORGOT DR. NO PART OF SPECTER. AND THE DEMURE NATURE OF DR. NO HIMSELF SORTA THE BEST PART. THEY SET UP A FEW HOURS OF BRAWLING THUGGERY AND THE SUDDEN GRACIOUSNESS/HOSPITALITY WHICH OFFERED TO BOND FEEL SO UNEXPECTED AND INTERESTING IN THE MOVIE. IN CONTEXT IT ACTUALLY REFRESHING TO SEE THIS BEAUTIFUL ISLAND LAIR. RARELY WAS SERIES ABLE TO CAPTURE THE SAME AND SUDDEN SENSE OF AWE (ODDLY ENOUGH, IT MOONRAKER THAT CAME CLOSEST AND THAT ONE KINDA SUCK). EVENTUALLY ALL THIS STUFF BECOME SO ROTE IN SERIES (LIKE FILMMAKERS JUST GOING THROUGH THEIR “BOND MOVIE CHECKLIST”, BUT IN “DR. NO” IT WORK SO WELL HULK SEE WHY BECOME CLICHE.
BEST MOMENT: FROM THE GREAT “THREE BLIND MICE” OPENING THAT STILL FEEL SO UNIQUE TO THIS VERY DAY. THERE BEEN MANY SIMILAR ATTEMPTS BUT ALL COME ACROSS AS HOKEY, OR, HEAVENS-TO-BETSY, RACIST.
JUST WAIT TIL YOU GUYS SEE "LIVE AND LET DIE"
YEAH, BUT WHAT ABOUT THE BOND GIRLS?:
1) URSALA ANDRESS AS HONEY RIDER. LET JUST BE HONEST, URSALA SET THE STANDARD. HONESTLY, HULK JUST ADORE THAT THEY TRY AND MAKE THIS MORE PALATABLE BY GIVE HER REAL NAME OF “HONEYCHILE” (THIS BEFORE THEY GIVE UP AND BASICALLY GO WITH “FEMALE ANATOMY MCSEXALOT” ). MORE INTERESTING THO IS THAT SHE ONE OF THE BETTER BOND GIRL PROTOTYPES. HONEY = THE GOOD GIRL WHO GET UNWITTINGLY INVOLVED IN BOND ADVENTURE, BUT STILL HAVE PERSONAL TRAGEDY AS RESULT OF MAIN VILLAIN. THESE OFTEN THE LEAST OFFENSIVE BOND GIRLS AND THEY USUALLY SHOW SOMETHING KIND AND BENEVOLENT, DESPITE APPROACHING A KIND OF VACUOUSNESS. OF COURSE, THERE A WAY THIS PURE, MADONNA-LIKE INNOCENCE JUST AS INGRATIATING. IT IT MADE ALL MORE PROBLEMATIC BECAUSE OF HER LATE INTRODUCTION IN THIRD ACT. ANYWAY, IT SOMEWHAT REMARKABLE THAT ONE OF LEAST OFFENSIVE FEMALE IN THE BOND FRANCHISE SPEND ENTIRE TIME IN BIKINI.
FEMINISM
2) ZENA MARSHALL AS MISS TARO = THE FEMME FATALE WITHOUT HINT OF PERSONALITY. SHE WORKING FOR BAD GUYS SO SHE HAVE TRAP BOND TO KEEP HIM OCCUPIED FOR SOME REASON… BUT IT’S ALSO CLEAR SHE’S INTO HIM SORT OF… BUT IT’S ALSO CLEAR BOND JUST USING HER… SO HE JUST GO THROUGH MOTION AND BASICALLY DATE RAPE HER… THESE SORTS THINGS HAPPEN LOT IN BOND MOVIES… THERE CLEARLY ISSUES AT PLAY HERE (GOING BACK TO FLEMING’S BOOKS, BELIEVE IT OR NOT THE ANTI-WOMAN/ANTI-GAY/ANTI-LIBERAL STUFF IN THESE MOVIES ACTUALLY TONED DOWN FROM BOOKS… SO, YEAH).
NOT FEMINISM
3) EUNICE GAYSON AS SYLVIA TRENCH = SHE ACTUALLY ONE OF HULK’S FAVORITE LITTLE BLIPS IN THE BOND SERIES. SYLVIA EVEN SHOW UP AGAIN IN NEXT MOVIE AND IN BOTH SHE PLAY THE SAME BORED SOCIALITE WHO LIKE PLAYING THE FLIRTING GAME WITH BOND (THO ALWAYS END UP DOING IT). REASON IT SO GOOD CAUSE HER FLIRTATION SO CONVINCING. SHE ACTUALLY GOOD AT STONE-WALLING CONNERY, SO IT NOT SO OBVIOUS THEY JUST GOING TO DO IT IMMEDIATELY. THEIR INTERPLAY IDEAL FOR HIM AND MOST WELCOME.
WHEN THIS HEALTHIEST RELATIONSHIP YOU GOT PROBLEM
MOMENTS OF MISOGYNY: PRETTY MUCH THE ENTIRE MISS TARO PLOT LINE. PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING COMING OUT OF BOND’S MOUTH.
SUPPORTING CAST: WHAT GREAT THAT ALMOST ALL THE REGULARS OF FRANCHISE THERE FROM BEGINNING. 1) BERNARD LEE BEGINS HIS LONG REIGN AS M FROM VERY BEGINNING. 2) LOIS MAXWELL BEGINS AN IMPRESSIVE RUN AS REALLY THE ONE AND ONLY MONEYPENNY. IN THIS FILM IT’S SO NATURAL TO SEE HER PINING AND SMITTEN IN WHAT WILL TURN TO BE AT TIMES A GREAT RELATIONSHIP (AND SOMETIMES A FREAKING BIZARRE ONE). HULK MOSTLY REMEMBER HER “OLD MAID” STATE IN LATER FILMS SO IT GREAT SEE HER SO FRESH FACED HERE. SHE RATHER FETCHING. 3) JACK LORD MAKE FIRST AND ONLY APPEARANCE AS CIA AGENT FELIX LITER AND LATER GO ON TO HAWAII 5-0 FAME. 4) JOHN KITZMILLER AS QUARREL ODDLY ENOUGH THE LEAST OFFENSIVE “GENERIC BLACK GUY PAIRED WITH JAMES BOND TO HELP DRIVE HIM AND AROUND IN STUFF” IN THE SERIES. REALLY, THESE GUYS A DIME A DOZEN. IT BASICALLY THERE TO SHOW JAMES BOND COOL WITH MINORITIES AND STUFF. BUT HECK, QUARREL EVEN GOT DEATH SCENE THAT ACTUALLY MAKE YOU FEEL SAD INSTEAD OF NONPLUSSED. SO THAT SOMETHING. AND 5) HULK LOVES JOSEPH WISEMAN’S BROAD TV-SERIAL LIKE TAKE ON THE CARTOONISH DR. NO. IT NOT ONLY SET TONE FOR SERIES BUT HE SEEM HAVING GREAT FUN WITH IT.
DUMB OBLIGATORY RATING SYSTEM: FOUR HULK SMASHES OUT OF FIVE!
BETTY’S TAKE: “I’m in love with Sean Connery’s thighs”
ENDNOTES:
* – THIS SAME REASON PEOPLE WATCH ENTOURAGE. ONLY ENTOURAGE TERRIBLE AND NOT FUNNY.
HULK USUALLY NOT SPEND A LOT OF TIME THINKING ABOUT BOX OFFICE. HULK NOT SAYING CONVERSATION WITHOUT MERIT . JUST PROBABLY THAT THERE LOT A LOT PEOPLE MORE QUALIFIED TO ANALYZE. DAMON HOUX AT CHUD HAVE GREAT ONGOING COLUMN FOR ONE. BUT STILL, HULK FEEL HULK HAVE GOOD ARGUMENT FOR WHY BOX OFFICE PERFORMANCE SUCH PREVALENT CONCERN FOR MOVIEGOERS.
WHEN FRAMING THE ARGUMENT FOR HOW PEOPLE RESPOND TO FILM’S SUCCESS/FAILURE AT BOX OFFICE, THERE ONE KEY USE OF LANGUAGE THAT EVERYBODY SEEM TO IGNORE (BESIDES VERB AND FIRST PERSON. HULK HAVE TROUBLE WITH THOSE)…. AND IT KIND OF HAVE TO DO WITH SPORTS… BOX OFFICE PERFORMANCE REALLY ABOUT “WINNERS” AND “LOSERS.”
IN SPORTS, THERE CLEAR/METHODICAL WINNERS AND LOSERS. THE RESULTS DETERMINED PURELY BY COMPARATIVE SCORES AND IT SO MUCH EASIER TO SAY WHICH ONE “BETTER” THAN OTHER. AND MORE OFTEN THEN NOT, A TEAM’S FINANCIAL SUCCESS DIRECTLY DEPENDENT ON THOSE RESULTS. WHEN A TEAM WIN, PEOPLE WANT TO WATCH IT. WHEN TEAM LOSE, PEOPLE STOP WATCHING. HULK KNOW THIS A SIMPLIFICATION, BUT IT PRETTY EVIDENT ONE.
AND WHAT BOX OFFICE STATISTICS FINALLY DO IS GIVE FILM A “SCORING SYSTEM.” AND PEOPLE’S RESPONSES AFTER THAT ONLY NATURAL. A MOVIE THAT PERFORM WELL SIMPLY A “WINNER.” PEOPLE WANT TO GO SEE THE “WINNER” JUST AS THEY WANT TO SEE A WINNING TEAM. THE SAME KIND OF THINKING APPLY TO “LOSERS.” NOBODY WANT GO WATCH A CRAPPY TEAM, SO WHY THEY WANT TO WATCH A NON-SUCCESSFUL MOVIE?
THE LIONS = THE "THE ADVENTURES OF PLUTO NASH" OF FOOTBALL
OF COURSE THERE A MILLION REASONS THAT A MOVIE’S WORTH HAVE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING DO WITH BOX OFFICE (SERIOUSLY, IT MOSTLY ABOUT MARKETING), BUT STILL THIS THE KIND OF THINKING THAT BECOME PREVALENT. THINK ABOUT ALL THE OVERLAPPING SIMILARITIES BETWEEN INTERNET-INCLINED MOVIE FANS AND SPORTS FANS. WHEN MOVIE (TEAM) YOU DON’T LIKE FOR SOME REASON DO POOR YOU TAKE COMFORT. SOME EVEN RELISH IN THE DEFEAT OF THE OPPOSING FANS BELOVED MOVIE (TEAM). JUST IN THE SAME WAY, WHEN TRULY GREAT MOVIE NOT PERFORM AT BOX OFFICE, SOMETIMES AN AUDIENCE BECOMES MORE EMBLAZONED TO LOVING THEIR “UNDERDOG” PROPERTY. THEY LEARN EMBRACE THE “LOSER” STATUS AND MAKE IT PERSONALIZED. THEY ARE “HARDCORE FANS.” THEY WERE THERE “EVEN WHEN IT WAS BAD” (A FAVORITE A SPORT-DOM CRED CHECKS). THEY’RE NOT “BANDWAGON” FANS OF THE MOVIE.
THINK ABOUT THE RECENT BACKLASH AND BACKLASH-TO-THE-BACKLASH WITH EDGAR WRIGHT’S AMAZING “SCOTT PILGRIM VS. THE WORLD.” DID THE PASSION OF PUBLIC RESPONSES REEK OF SIMILARITY TO THE RESPONSES OF SPORTS FANS? ON BOTH SIDES OF ARGUMENT? ABSOLUTELY IT DID. EVEN HULK GUILTY OF THIS.
HOW THIS NOT AWESOME?
OF COURSE, THIS REALLY NOT CONFINED TO SPORTS AND MOVIES. IT MORE HUMAN BEHAVIOR IN GENERAL. BUT THE REASON THIS ALL NEW TO MOVIES BECAUSE BOX OFFICE INFORMATION JUST NOW FINALLY BEING REPORTED IN LAST 15 YEARS. IT WASN’T THAT PEOPLE NOT INTERESTED IN DECADES BEFORE. IT JUST THAT THEY JUST DIDN’T KNOW. ALL THEY HAD WAS FOOTAGE OF LONG LINES OF MOVIE FANS WRAPPING AROUND THE BLOCK (HENCE TERM “BLOCKBUSTER”). AND THE PUBLIC WAS FASCINATED BY THAT STUFF.
IT JUST THAT WITHOUT THE ACTUAL BOX OFFICE INFORMATION, THE DIALOGUE OF MOVIES STAYED, WELL, A BIT MORE MEASURED. NATURALLY, AWARD SHOWS LIKE OSCARS BROUGHT OUT THE SPORTS-LIKE DIALOGUE, BUT REALLY IT WAS MOSTLY LIMITED TO THAT. FOR MOST PART, HULK WOULD SEE MOVIE AND IF HULK LIKED IT, HULK WOULD SHARE THAT WITH FRIENDS. THAT WAS THE DIALOGUE.
WHAT'S THIS MOVIE CALLED? SOUNDS STUPID.
BUT NOW BOX OFFICE INFORMATION HAVE CHANGE CONVERSATION.
PLEASE KNOW, THIS NOT INDICTMENT OF SPORTS EITHER. HULK ACTUALLY LOVE SPORTS VERY MUCH, BUT THE LINE OF THINKING AND TERMINOLOGY NOT SUITED FOR COMMENTARY ON ART AND COMMERCE (OR POLITICS EITHER, BUT THE EFFECTS OF SPORTS ON SOCIO-POLITICAL ARENAS A WHOLE OTHER AND MUCH MORE PROBLEMATIC DISCUSSION).
BOX OFFICE REALLY A FUNNY THING. HULK HAVE BENEFIT WORKING IN ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY AND CAN TELL YOU THAT ALMOST ALL MOVIES MAKE MONEY EVENTUALLY. YES, EVEN WITH HUGE ADVERTISING BUDGETS.
FOR EXAMPLE, EVERY STUDIO HAVE A COMPLICATED FORMULA FOR EACH OF THEIR MOVIES (ONE BASED ON PAST MODELS/TRACKING INFORMATION/RESTRUCTURING DEALS) WHERE AFTER JUST ONE DAY’S PERFORMANCE (FRIDAY NIGHT) THEY CAN GET A BALLPARK DOLLAR FIGURE FOR HOW MUCH MONEY THE MOVIE WILL EARN THE STUDIO. HULK NOT TALKING ABOUT FOR THEATRICAL RUN, BUT AFTER IT GO THROUGH ALL RENTALS/TELEVISION SALES/LICENSING AND USE. HULK TALKING ABOUT THE FINAL NUMBER YEARS DOWN THE LINE.
JUST IMAGINE ROOMS AND ROOMS LIKE THIS
THAT ORIGINALLY BLEW HULK’S MIND. HULK, LIKE MANY, MAY FORGET ABOUT A CERTAIN MOVIE , BUT THAT MOVIE HAVE LONG, LONG ECONOMIC TIMELINE. AND CLASSICS LIKE “BUTCH CASSIDY AND SUNDANCE KID” STILL RUMBLING AROUND MAKING LOTS OF EXTRA MONEY FOR WHICHEVER STUDIO OWNS RIGHTS. THAT WHY THEY MAKE THESE MOVIES YOU KNOW. BECAUSE ON LONG TIMELINE THEY ACTUALLY PRETTY GOOD BET.
BUT YOU ASK HULK “WHY THERE SO MUCH DIALOGUE OUT THERE ABOUT THESE FILMS NOT EVEN MAKING THEIR PRODUCTION BUDGET BACK?”
THAT SIMPLE. THERE A TON OF PEOPLE WHO HAVE “PERCENTAGE POINTS” ON THE PROFIT OF ANY GIVEN MOVIE AND SO OF COURSE STUDIO NOT WANT SHARE OUT THE “ACTUAL” PROFITS TO THESE MOVIES. STUDIOS EMPLOY HUNDREDS OF VERY, VERY TALENTED PEOPLE TO WORK THE ACCOUNTING AND MAKE IT SEEM LIKE THESE MOVIES NOT MAKING MONEY (FOR PERCENTAGE PAYOUTS/TAX PURPOSES) BUT ALSO DOING WELL ENOUGH TO PLEASE STOCKHOLDERS. IT VERY TRICKY THING, BUT YOU BE AMAZED.
THE POINT OF ALL THIS DISCUSSION BEING WE ACTUALLY KNOW NOTHING ABOUT HOW MUCH A MOVIE ACTUALLY MAKING. WHICH MEAN BOX OFFICE FIGURES ALL THE MORE USELESS AND MAYBE NOT GIVE US “WINNERS” AND “LOSERS” WHATSOEVER. THERE SOME GREAT BUSINESS CONVERSATIONS TO BE HAVE, BUT THOSE OFTEN A VERY COMPLICATED NARRATIVE AND NEED HAVE LOTS OF INSIDE INFO.
HULK KNOW, HULK KNOW. THAT SOUND ASININE. BUT HULK SAW BOTH THIS WEEKEND AND SO IT INVITE THE ODD COMPARISON.
AND HULK UNDERSTAND WHY SOME FOLK MIGHT BE MAD AT HULK . MANY HULK FOLLOWERS LOVE BLUE VALENTINE AND HULK UNDERSTAND WHY. HULK ACTUALLY LIKE ASPECTS OF IT VERY MUCH. FOR ONE, IT HAVE INCREDIBLE CENTRAL PERFORMANCE FROM RYAN GOSLING.
HE ALSO HANDSOME.
HULK ALSO RECOGNIZE HOW SUBJECT MATTER SEEM BE DEEPLY PERSONAL FOR MANY. PERSONAL FILMS HAVE STRONG ABILITY TO REGISTER AND AGAIN, HULK UNDERSTAND.
AND TO JUST AS MANY, MACGRUBER MAY BE CONSIDERED INANE; A DUMB MOVIE BASED ON SNL SKIT THAT BARELY ROSE ABOUT THAT TRUNCATED LEVEL OF THOUGHT. THAT FINE TOO. HULK KNOW HULK CAN’T CONVINCE SOME PEOPLE BEYOND THE “APPARENT TONE” OF MOVIE. AND IT MAKE THIS ARTICLE SEEM CRAZY BECAUSE A FILM LIKE BLUE VALENTINE SIMPLY IN DIFFERENT “CLASS” THAN FILM LIKE MACGRUBER. HULK UNDERSTAND THIS.
BUT WHY ONE FILM INHERENTLY “BETTER” BECAUSE OF THE SERIOUSNESS OF SUBJECT MATTER?
IT SHOULD BE SAY NEITHER ONE OF THESE FILM ON HULK’S TOP 15. WORSE, THESE FILMS ACTUALLY NECK AND NECK ON HULKS RUNNING LIST, WHICH JUST MEAN THAT IN MANY WAYS DEBATING THE RELATIVE “GOODNESS’ OF THESE TWO SORT OF POINTLESS. BUT HULK THINK IT BEAR MENTION BECAUSE IT GET AT ESSENCE OF HULK PHILOSOPHY ON MOVIES IN GENERAL.
WHY MACGRUBER “BETTER” TO HULK? BECAUSE MACGRUBER SHOW HULK SOMETHING HULK NEVER REALLY SEEN BEFORE.
IN END, BLUE VALENTINE A MOVIE THAT GET TO HEART OF WHAT MIGHT BE A VERY BANAL TRUTH. MANY PEOPLE CALLING IT A FILM ABOUT HOW PEOPLE “FALL OUT OF LOVE” BUT HULK DISAGREE STRONGLY. WHY? BECAUSE WE NEVER SEE HOW THAT HAPPEN, JUST THAT IT DID. WE SEE THEM FALL IN LOVE. THEN WE SEE THEM NOT IN LOVE. THAT IT. IT NOT LIKE IT UNJUSTIFIED THOUGH. REALLY WE SEE HOW THE SEED OF DESTRUCTION PLANTED FROM ONSET. A COUPLE CAN BE HELPLESS AGAINST FATE AND THIS SEEM LIKE COUPLE TOTALLY (OR WILLFULLY) NAIVE OF THEIR INHERENT PROBLEMS AT BEGINNING. AND IF THAT THE POINT OF MOVIE? THAT TOTALLY FINE. GOOD EVEN. BUT HULK NOT SURE THAT INTENTION AND REALLY NOT SURE IF THAT AUDIENCE’S REACTION.
STRUCTURALLY BLUE VALENTINE FILM HAVE SOME PROBLEM TOO. HULK THINK IT MAYBE BENEFIT BY SHYING AWAY FROM “500 DAYS OF SUMMER” ALTERNATION MODEL OF GOOD TIMES/BADD TIMES. HONESTLY, IT SEEM BLUE VALENTINE WOULD WORK BETTER AS CLEAN BREAK WITH 1ST-HALF-HAPPY, 2ND-HALF-SAD STRUCTURE. MAYBE THEY AFRAID OF “CARNAL KNOWLEDGE” COMPARISON? OKAY, BUT STILL IT HAVE OWN UNIQUE STORY TO TELL, SO HULK WONDERING WHY SHY AWAY FROM SOMETHING THAT OBVIOUSLY WORK BETTER ON DRAMATIC LEVEL? THAT MAKE 2ND PART SADNESS TO THEIR LIVES ALL MORE DEVASTATING. INSTEAD, THE MISMATCH OF GOOD TIMES WITH BAD MAKE FOR A CONFUSING TONE (NOT THAT HULK LITERALLY CONFUSED, WE TALKING EMOTIONAL CONNECTION HERE). IN END, “BLUE VALENTINE” NOT FEEL LIKE A STORY TO HULK. IT MERELY PRESENT SITUATION. AND WORSE IT MAKE ESPECIALLY WEIRD DECISION BY PUTTING “GOOD TIMES” SEQUENCES AFTER “BAD TIMES” SEQUENCE… THIS MAKE NARRATIVE WORK AS “REMINDERS” INSTEAD OF AN EMOTIONAL LET DOWN. YES, IT CAN BE INTERESTING, BUT IT NOT DRAMA.
HULK DON'T REMEMBER A CAMERA IN THIS MOVIE
IT NOT LIKE A FRACTURED NARRATIVE RUIN CAPACITY FOR DRAMA EITHER. IT JUST A FRACTURED NARRATIVE MUST REGISTER IN COMPELLING WAY TO AUDIENCE. WHAT MAKE DFW’S “INFINITE JEST” SO EMOTIONALLY INTERESTING THAT IT THE STUNNINGLY-FRACTURED NARRATIVE REVEAL AND CLARIFY THE DENSITY AND INTENTION OF ITS CHARACTERS. AND YES, THERE SOME OF THAT IN BLUE VALENTINE (LIKE THE REVEALING HOSPITAL QUESTIONNAIRE SCENE), BUT NOT NEARLY ENOUGH JUSTIFY EDITING CHOICE IN HULK’S MIND.
A LOT BEEN MADE OF “RAWNESS” OF BLUE VALENTINE. AND THAT PROBABLY APT. THE SUBJECT MATTER OF MOVIE PAINFULLY PRESENT TO MANY. IT HAVE SAME CONVERSATIONS MANY A BREAKING-UP COUPLE HAVE IN REAL LIFE. BUT ONCE AGAIN WE GET TO THE ISSUE OF “DRAMATIZATION” VS. “PRESENTING TRUTH.” HULK CALL THIS THE “TELL ME YOU LOVE ME” SYNDROME, A TV SERIES SOME LAUDED AS PAINFUL LOOK AT REALISTIC RELATIONSHIPS. INSTEAD, HULK JUST FOUND IT OBVIOUS. JUST CAUSE IT REALISTIC NOT NECESSARILY MAKE IT GOOD, OR BETTER YET, COMPELLING. IT ONE OF MANY THING HULK LIKE ABOUT “THE WIRE”, WHICH WAS CONCERNED WITH REALISM ONLY TO A POINT. EVERY SCENE IN THAT SHOW HAVE REAL DELIBERATE FOCUS EITHER ON PLOT, CHARACTERIZATION, OR ESPECIALLY THEME AT GIVEN MOMENT. ALWAYS. AND IT DID SO WITH GREAT ECONOMY. THIS PART OF WHY DAVID SIMON VERY CAREFUL TO REMIND FOLKS IT FICTIONAL NARRATIVE AND NOT “REALISM/JOURNALISM/OR DOCU-STYLE.” MEANWHILE, HULK WORRY BLUE VALENTINE SOMETIMES TO CONCERNED WITH ACCURACY.
INDEEEED.
AN EVEN BETTER COMPARISON IS THIS YEAR’S CRITICAL DARLING “THE SOCIAL NETWORK” THAT SHED NOTION OF REALISM CONSTANTLY IN FAVOR OF CREATING SOMETHING INTERESTING TO SAY, OR GET AT LARGER TRUTH. IT A NOBLE GOAL AND ONE PEOPLE SEEM RESPOND TO. YEST THEY BOTH HAVE DIFFERENT GOALS, BUT HULK REALLY NOT ALL THAT SURE THE “LARGER TRUTH” OF BLUE VALENTINE EVEN CLEAR.
IT ALL GET BACK TO NATURE OF “DRAMA.” A FILM NOT HAVE GO THROUGH HIT SAME EXACT BEATS, BUT CONVENTIONS OF DRAMA MUST BE UNDERSTOOD IN ORDER BE ACHIEVED. WHICH NOT SAY BLUE VALENTINE TOTALLY UNFOCUSED (HULK NOT WANT SEEM LIKE TRASHING MOVIE) AND THE PERFORMANCES ARE STELLAR (ESPECIALLY GOSLING’S), BUT HANGUPS OF MOVIE UNFORTUNATELY MAKE IT HARD FOR HULK TO TRULY EMBRACE THOSE SHORTCOMINGS.
ON OTHER HAND, MACGRUBER IS ABSOLUTELY NUTS IN THE BEST POSSIBLE WAY.
IT RAUNCHY. IT ABSURD. IT SOMETIMES INSIPID. BUT IT NEVER, EVER AFRAID. IT SMART ENOUGH TO KNOW IT CAN ONLY GET A TINY BIT OF MILEAGE SENDING UP MACGUYVER AND THE SNL SKIT IT BASED ON, SO IT WISELY SEND UP 80’S MOVIES INSTEAD. IT NEVER REFERENCE TOO DIRECTLY (THE CLOSEST IT COME IS RAMBO), BUT INSTEAD REFERENCE THE MOOD AND CULTURE OF TIME. IT HAVE GREAT MUSIC CUES THAT STRADDLE LINE BETWEEN RIDICULOUS AND COMPLETELY AWESOME (PARTICULARLY THE GENUINELY THRILLING SCENE WHERE MACGRUBER CRASHES THE PARTY SET TO EDDIE MONEY’S “TAKE ME HOME TONIGHT”… TRUST HULK. IT GREAT.)
SHUT UP, IT'S AWESOME
BUT BEST OF ALL, MACGRUBER EXIST IN IT OWN WEIRD MOVIE WORLD. IT KNOW EXACTLY HOW BUILD UP THE WEIRDEST CHARACTER CONVENTIONS ONLY TO THEN RIP THEM DOWN. IT PLAY THE MACGRUBER-LESS OPENING AS COMPLETELY STRAIGHT ACTION MOVIE. IT ADMIRABLE ALONG WITH FACT THE MOVIE SEEM LIKE HAVE ACTUAL BIG-ASS BUDGET (WHICH TOTALLY RISKY AND KUDOS TO WHOEVER GREEN-LIT). AND VAL KILMER LEGITIMATELY GREAT, TOWING LINE BETWEEN STRAIGHT FORWARD AND SILLY (AT LEAST TIL END).
TRY IGNORE THE CHEEKS
BUT MOST STRIKING THING ABOUT THE MOVIE’S SINGULAR WORLD, THAT MACGRUBER AS CHARACTER IS COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY INSANE.
HE A FILTHY, INCOMPETENT ASSHOLE. BUT RATHER THAN BE PURE SMARM (SOMETHING OUT OF TODD PHILLIPS MOVIE?) THE CARTOONISH BRAVADO IS TURNED UP TO 11. AND IT HELPED BY HOW THEY UNDERCUT HIS MACHISMO AT EVERY MOMENT THEY CAN. THE BEST EXAMPLE THE REOCCURRING BIT WHERE IT SMASH-CUT TO THIS “LADY’S MAN” BEING ABSOLUTELY MEEK/DETESTABLE IN BED. IT CAN BARELY BE DESCRIBED BUT YOU HAVE SEE IT. SERIOUSLY (AND YES, SOME GUYS APPARENTLY DO IT LIKE THAT… LIKE CAPTAIN AMERICA… BUT YOU NOT HEAR THAT FROM HULK).
THE FILM IMPRESSIVELY DIRTY. ANY MOVIE THAT HAVE BETTY QUOTING THE GREAT LINE ALL WEEK: “[WITH ULTRA-SERIOUS-CONVICTION] I WILL SUCK YOUR DICK… I WILL LET YOU FUCK ME…” MUST HAVE A GREAT EFFECT. AND THERE A TON QUOTABLE LINES.
HULK COULD GO ON AND ON, BUT HULK SHOULD MENTION HE NOT IN LOVE WITH MOVIE EITHER. CHIEF PROBLEM IS THAT SOMETIME IT TOO OVER-DEPENDENT ON IT’S WEIRD TONE TO POINT WHERE FEEL SLIGHTLY ONE NOTE. HULK KNOW THAT WEIRD STATEMENT, ESPECIALLY CONSIDERING IT PRETTY DAMN GOOD NOTE (FILMMAKERS LIKE ADAM MCKAY BETTER UNDERSTAND HOW GET MILEAGE OUT OF ABSURDITY). DID HULK ADORE MACGRUBER? NOT EXACTLY. BUT HULK APPRECIATE THE SHIT OUT OF IT.
SO GIVEN WHAT HULK EXPLAIN ABOUT THESE TWO MOVIE, WHY MACGRUBER HAVE BE AUTOMATICALLY INFERIOR? ONLY COMEDIES THAT TEND GET LOVE ARE ONES WITH SERIOUS UNDERTONE (LIKE SIDEWAYS OR SOMETHING). HULK NEVER UNDERSTAND THIS.
DREW MCWEENEY OVER AT HITFIX DO GREAT GAME IN HIS PODCAST CALLED “MOVIE GOD”. IN IT, YOU PRESENTED WITH TWO MOVIES AND YOU HAVE DECIDE WHICH ONE NEVER EXISTED. IT TERRIBLY UNFAIR BUT THAT THE POINT. IT MAKE YOU CHOOSE WHAT YOU VALUE IN A MOVIE.
AND HULK KNOW THIS DOUBLY UNFAIR AFTER SPENDING TIME ONLY BASHING BLUE VALENTINE AND ONLY BUILDING UP MACGRUBER, AND TO MAKE REALLY CLEAR I’D RATHER KEEP BOTH…
… BUT MACGRUBER DO SOMETHING HULK NEVER REALLY SEEN BEFORE (SPECIFICALLY THE EXACT WAY IT DO IT). AND BLUE VALENTINE DO THINGS HULK SEEN MANY TIME BEFORE AND NOT AS WELL AS HULK HOPED.
WHEN HULK PUT IN THOSE TERMS, IT NOT OBVIOUS?
CAN YOU HANDLE IT?
FEEL FREE TO AGREE OR TELL HULK THAT HULK IDIOT BELOW.
… THOUGH HULK WARN YOU. YOU KNOW LIKE HULK WHEN HULK ANGRY.
SURE, RECENT FORAY INTO FAMILY FARE DISAPPOINTING, BUT TOTALLY UNDERSTANDABLE. THE MAN GOT OLD AFTER ALL. AND THOSE MOVIES FINANCIALLY SUCCESSFUL FOR MOST PART(YOU BE SURPRISED). REALLY THE ONLY PROBLEM THAT THEY MAKE EASY FORGET THAT FOR OVER 30 YEARS, JACKIE CHAN DELIVER CONSISTENTLY ENTERTAINING KUNG FU MOVIES; STUFFED WITH KIND OF THRILLS EVERY SPECIAL EFFECT IN WORLD CAN NO ACHIEVE.
AND HULK LOVE HULK SOME KUNG FU MOVIE.
ALL JACKIE CHAN HONG KONG FILMS [BASICALLY ANYTHING PRE-RUSH HOUR(1998)] ARE INTERESTING THING. FIRST OFF, THERE ALMOST 100 OF THEM. AND YET THERE WAY IN WHICH THEY ALL THE FREAKING SAME. BUT THE DEGREES IN WHICH THEY DIFFERENT DETERMINE THE RELATIVE SUCCESS OF MOVIE TO HULK. IF THEY ESTABLISH A FUN RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN CHARACTERS, IT WORK. IF PLOT NOT TOTALLY INSIPID, IT WORK. AND EVEN WORST OF THESE MOVIES AVOID BEING BORING FOR MOST PART BECAUSE JACKIE ALWAYS SUPPLY ENTERTAINING AND MAYBE INSANE ACTION SCENE. BUT OF THE HANDFUL OF “BEST” JACKIE CHAN MOVIES, HULK’S FAVORITE UNQUESTIONABLE:
RELEASED SIMPLY AS “SUPERCOP” IN USA, IT ACTUAL HONG KONG TITLE: “POLICE STORY 3: SUPERCOP.” MEANING IT THIRD FILM IN SERIES WITH SAME “INSPECTOR CHAN” CHARACTER. THIS MOVIE HAVE BENEFIT OF BEING IN STAGE OF CAREER WHEN JACKIE CHAN BONAFIDE STAR IN ASIA. WHAT IT MISS IN GRIMY, HOMESPUN FUN OF HIS EARLY WORK, IT MAKE UP FOR ACTUAL PRODUCTION VALUE AND QUALITY CO-STARS (YOU MAY SEE THIS MOVIE AND THINK HULK INSANE, BUT TRUST HULK. THE EARLY MOVIES FAR, FAR WORSE).
JACKIE’S “INSPECTOR CHAN” CHARACTER FOR POLICE STORY MOVIES REALLY NO DIFFERENT FROM OTHERS. JACKIE ALWAYS PLAY EITHER (1) SOME KIND OF LAW ENFORCEMENT/SPY/GOVERNEMENT TYPE WHO ASSIGNED TO SOME CASE (IT REALLY NOT MATTER WHAT KIND). OR (2) HE HAVE SOME RANDOM GENERIC PROFESSION (LIKE, EVEN A COOK) AND THEN HE GET WRAPPED UP IN SOME SORT OF TANGENTIAL PLOT INVOLVING GENERIC GANGS OF GOVERNMENT CONSPIRACY STUFF. THIS USUALLY INVOLVING A FAMILY OF VICTIMS COMPLETELY WITH YOUNG LOVE INTEREST (WHAT GREAT ABOUT THESE IS EVEN IF JACKIE PLAYING A COOK, HE STILL KNOW SHIT TON OF KUNG FU).
THEN YOU KNOW REST: JACKIE FIGHT. HE ACT SILLY. HE JUMP AROUND THINGS. HE PERFORM BATSHIT CRAZY STUNTS. HE USE HOUSEHOLD ITEMS TO BEAT UP THUGS (SOMETHING JASON STATHEM WISELY STEAL). THESE THINGS THAT ALL JACKIE MOVIE HAVE AND NEED.
SERIOUSLY, THE MAN IS COMMITTED TO PROVIDING SERIOUS ENTERTAINMENT:
STILL, HULK INSIST THE PLOT ITSELF MATTER. SEE SUPERCOP ACTUALLY HAVE GOOD PLOT… BY GOOD PLOT, HULK MEAN IT ACTUALLY HAVE PLOT. AND THIS INCREDIBLY BASIC ATTENTION TO STORYTELLING MAKE IT ODDLY COMPELLING MOVIE.
JACKIE’S INSPECTOR CHEN CHARACTER HAVE GO UNDERCOVER TO JAIL AND INFILTRATE DRUG ORGANIZATION OF MAN NAMED CHABAIT. JACKIE HAS HELP CHABAIT ESCAPE AND USE THAT TRUST TO GET IN INNER CIRCLE AND FIND OUT ALL HE CAN ABOUT HIS DRUG TRADE. IT KIND OF LIKE THE DEPARTED ONLY NOT AT ALL. NOW, ALL THIS PLOT STUFF HAPPEN FAIRLY LACKADAISICALLY COMPARED TO OUR MODERN OVERWROUGHT STANDARDS, BUT WHEN COMPARE TO REST OF JACKIE/KUNG FU FILMS AT TIME (WHICH MERELY “PRESENT” THESE PLOT DEVELOPMENTS VERBATIM AND THEN KEEP MOVING), THIS ACTUALLY CRACKLING STUFF. YOU BE SURPRISED JUST HOW MUCH EFFECT THINGS… IT ALMOST LIKE ACTUAL MOVIE.
BUT LET NOT KID HULKSELF. WHAT MAKE SUPERCOP AMAZING ACTUALLY ONE THING:
MICHELLE YEOH = THE PROVERBIAL SHIT.
YOUNGER HULK MAY HAVE FALL IN LOVE WITH MISS YEOH IN THIS MOVIE. THIS ACTUALLY ONE OF HER EARLIER PERFORMANCES AND MAKE HER BREAKOUT STAR. SO MUCH SO SHE GET THE SEQUEL TO THIS MOVIE (SUPERCOP 2) AS HER OWN VEHICLE. WHAT AMAZING (BUT OBVIOUS WHEN WATCH CLOSELY) THAT MICHELLE YEOH HAVE NO MARTIAL ARTS BACKGROUND. SHE A TRAINED DANCER WHO CONVERT OBVIOUS OVERLAP IN SKILLS. STILL, SHE GREAT AND ACQUIT HERSELF AMAZINGLY (MORE ON THAT LATER).
BUT REALLY SHE AN EVEN BETTER ACTRESS.
SEE WHAT MAKE JACKIE CHAN MOVIES REALLY WORK IS WHEN THE SURROUNDING CHARACTERS GOOD (AND NOT INSUFFERABLE CHILDREN AND PERPETUAL VICTIMS HULK KEEP MENTIONING). BILL TUNG A CONSTANT IN JACKIE’S MOVIES OF THIS PERIOD AND FOR GOOD REASON. HIS BUMBLING “UNCLE/CHIEF” CHARACTER TOTALLY EFFECTIVE FOR PURPOSES OF THESE MOVIE. AND MAGGIE CHEUNG’S “GIRLFRIEND” CHARACTER DEFINITELY UNDERRATED. SHE TAKE THAT “PERPETUAL VICTIM” THING HULK HATE ABOUT THESE MOVIES AND TURN IT INTO GREAT PARODY OF SELF. HER CONSTANT BEING IN DANGER JUST PLAY FOR LAUGHS.
BUT MICHELLE YEOH PERFECT. SHE JUST MORE BADASS AND JUST AS CAPABLE AS JACKIE. BETTER YET, THEIR DYNAMIC HELP RELEGATE JACKIE TO HIS MUCH MORE COMFORTABLE “CLOWN STATUS” ALLOWING IT WORK BEAUTIFULLY. YET EVEN WHEN BEING THE STRAIGHT MAN, SHE KNOW JUST HOW TO THROW A PERFECT ALLURING SMILE IN MIDST OF. THIS CREATE THAT WHOLE “CHEMISTRY” THING EVERYONE KEEP MENTIONING ABOUT MOVIE. SHE BRING OUT BEST WORK OF JACKIE’S CAREER.
AND LIKE, JACKIE. SHE WILLING TO THROW HERSELF INTO ANYTHING. JUST WATCH ONE OF HULK’S ALL-TIME FAVORITE STUNT:
INCREDIBLE.
SUPERCOP UNDOUBTEDLY SILLY. BUT IT COME ALONG AT TIME IN HULK’S LIFE WHERE IT JUST TOTALLY MAKE SENSE. THE MOVIE WORK EVEN BETTER TODAY. WATCH ANY BORING BIG BUDGET BLOCKBUSTER (TRON, TRANSFORMERS 2, ETC) THAT DO NOTHING BUT PRESENT SPECIAL EFFECTS WITH NO WEIGHT OR GRAVITY. THEN COMPARE TO THE TANGIBLE NATURE OF JACKIE CHAN MOVIES, AND BY EXTENSION EASTERN KUNG FU MOVIE AT LARGE. AND IT JUST SO REFRESHING.
SO FOR WHAT IT IS, IT HULK’S FAVORITE OF THE GENRE.
AND BECAUSE OF THAT, IT ONE OF HULK’S FAVORITE 30-ISH MOVIES EVER.
ENDNOTE:
*HULK JUST WANT MENTION HILARIOUS ANOMALY IN JACKIE CHAN’S CAREER: THE PROTECTOR. IT TERRIBLE ATTEMPT TO TRANSLATE JACKIE INTO THE “BAD 80’S ACTION MOVIE.” IT EVEN CO-STAR DANNY AIELLO. BUT REALLY THE MOVIE JUST COMPLETE SHIT. IT TRY TURN JACKIE INTO NO-NONSENSE SUNGLASS WEARING BAD ASS (AS WAS POPULAR AT TIME). IT RUIN EVERYTHING THAT MAKE JACKIE CHAN SPECIAL AND UNIQUE. IT FULL OF GRITTY OUT-OF-NOWHERE NUDITY (DON’T GET HULK WRONG. HULK LIKE BOOBS AND ALL, BUT TOTALLY UNECCESSARY IN A JACKIE CHAN MOVIE). AND WORST OF ALL IT HAVE ABSOLUTELY NONE OF JACKIE’S BAD ASS STUNTWORK AND FIGHTING. SERIOUSLY!!! IT A TOTAL WASTE OF MOVIE… HULK MAY ANALYZE AND TEAR IT NEW BUTT-HOLE FOR YOU SOME TIME LATER.
