HULK HAVE DEEP AND ABIDING LOVE OF CINEMA. HULK RECOGNIZE INHERENT VALUES OF POPULAR, NARRATIVE, AND EXPERIMENTAL STYLES. WWW.TWITTER.COM/FILMCRITHULK
[HULK AND BETTY WATCHING TV]
HULK: “WAIT. HULK THINK THAT A YOUNG BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH.”
Betty: “Oh… Wait, what?!?”
HULK: “BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH. HE A BRITISH ACTOR.”
Betty: [Heart swooning at name alone] “… Don’t tease.”
HULK: “NO SERIOUSLY. HE THE NEW SHERLOCK.”
Betty: “Sorry Hulk. I must marry him. It’s fate.” [Wipes single tear from eye]
…..
THANKS BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH’S PARENTS! [KICKS OVER CAR]
“THIS ONE WAS A BITCH”
THUS BEGINS MARTIN’S ACKNOWLEDGMENTS SECTION AT END OF A FEAST FOR CROWS, THE FOURTH BOOK IN HIS SONG OF ICE AND FIRE FANTASY SERIES. AND YES, G.R.R. MARTIN, YOU RIGHT. NOTHING SO OBVIOUSLY CLEAR AS FACT THAT THIS BOOK = A BITCH FOR YOU WRITE. HULK BET YOU HAD FUCK-ALL TIME DRUDGING THROUGH IT. AND IT CLEARLY JUST AS AGONIZING CHORE FOR YOU AS IT WAS FOR YOUR READERS TO READ. YOU KNOW WHAT? HULK ACTUALLY HAPPY YOU MADE IT SO CLEAR THAT YOU HATED WRITING THIS BOOK AND IT NOT SOME MERE INSANITY OF MISPLACED PRIDE WITH WHICH YOU DECIDED RELEASE IT.
HULK JUST WANT CONVEY SOMETHING VERY SIMPLE: IF A FEAST FOR CROWS NOT ONLY ONE OF “WORST” BOOKS HULK EVER READ, IT MOST DEFINITELY THE LEAST SATISFYING.
TWO QUICK MATTERS OF PREFACE:
1) THE “HULK READ A BOOK!” TITLE ABOVE RATHER MISLEADING. HULK READS LOTS OF BOOKS. HULK NOT ONE OF THOSE MOVIES GUYS WHO NO READ. SINGULARITY SEEM LIKE STRANGE WAY TO APPROACH ANY ART.
2) HULK FIRST PICKED UP SERIES SOME YEARS AGO, BACK WHEN HULK HEARD IT BEING DEVELOPED BY H.B.O. HULK THOUGHT THAT GOOD ENOUGH DISTINCTION SO HULK BOUGHT THE FIRST 3 BOOKS. HULK ENJOYED THE FIRST BOOK A GAME OF THRONES VERY MUCH. FOR ONE, IT HAD MASSIVE BALLS. AND WHILE THINGS FLYING OFF HANDLE HULK THOUGHT IT SET UP WHAT HULK ASSUMED WOULD BE GREAT OVER-ARCHING STORY. THEN CAME A CLASH OF KINGS AND HULK FOUND IT BE RELENTLESSLY DOUR AND AIMLESS. RATHER THAN HEAD OFF INTO MEAT OF OVERARCHING CONFLICTS, THE STORY SHIFTED TO THE MINUTIAE WITH MIDDLING RESULTS. LUCKILY, THE ENDING OF THAT BOOK MORE OR LESS OKAY SO HULK KEPT READING. BUT IN THE FIRST HALF A STORM OF SWORDS MARTIN JUST TROTTED OUT MORE OF SAME AIMLESSNESS AND AT ONE POINT HULK TOSSED BOOK ACROSS ROOM IN ANGER AND STOPPED READING IT (NOT AT WHAT YOU PROBABLY THINK THOUGH. HULK EXPLAIN LATER) … A YEAR-PLUS LATER, RIGHT AFTER HULK WATCHED THE FIRST EPISODE OF THE FULLY-REALIZED “GAME OF THRONES” SERIES HULK SAID, “DAMMIT, THIS REALLY GOOD. HULK SHOULD REVISIT THE BOOKS SO HULK KNOW WHERE THIS GOING.” IN MANNER THAT TRULY FITTING, HULK STOPPED READING EXACTLY 8 PAGES BEFORE SWORDS REALLY STARTED COOKING. THE SECOND HALF OF SWORDS FILLED WITH TRULY BIG, BOLD, GREAT + BATSHIT STUFF. SO HULK IN FULL-TILT AGAIN AT THAT POINT.
AND THEN A FEAST FOR CROWS HAPPEN.(1)
LET HULK FOCUS ON THE GOOD FIRST.
ON PURE STYLISTIC LEVEL, HULK THINK CROWS ON PAR WITH REST OF SERIES. IT NOT LIKE G.R.R. MARTIN A TERRIBLE WRITER. HE JUST NOT THAT GREAT.(2), HE HAVE PASSABLE SENSE OF LYRICISM AND CANDOR. WHEN HE NOT SIMPLY LISTING BUNCH OF HEDGE KNIGHTS AND THEIR COMPLETE GENEALOGIES, HE MANAGE PROVIDE HOST OF RICH, TEXTURED, OR WONDERFULLY HATE-ABLE CHARACTERS. AND ASIDE FROM SOME TRULY AWFUL HANGUPS INVOLVING SEXUALITY AND REPETITIVENESS (HULK GET TO THOSE LATER), MARTIN’S INTENTIONS FOR CHARACTERIZATION AND MOOD COME ACROSS PRETTY FREAKING CLEAR.
MARTIN EVEN MANAGE CREATE A FULLY-IMMERSIVE WORLD IN WESTEROS. IT NOT EXACTLY A “FUN” WORLD LIKE STAR WARS/HARRY POTTER/LOTR. INSTEAD IT REFLECT THE LIKELY TRUTH OF MIDDLE-AGES-HORRIBLENESS AND HOW IT MUST HAVE SUCKED FOR JUST ABOUT EVERYONE. UNLIKE MOST FANTASY, THERE NO GOOD OR EVIL. JUST LOTS OF FOLKS ACTING SELFISHLY OR OUTRIGHT AMORALLY. EVEN THE POLITICS TEND TOWARDS SHADES OF GRAY, IF NOT SLIGHTLY WIRE-ESQUE. AND WHEN GOOD, IT GREAT. FOR EXAMPLE, HULK’S FAVORITE THEMATIC POINT IN CROWS HAD DO WITH THE RAVAGING NATURE OF WAR. ONCE THEIR SOLDIERS SCATTERED, IT TURNS OUT THE NOBLE AIM OF THE STARKS ONLY ENDED IN DEVASTATION AND HORROR FOR COUNTRYSIDE. SO OFTEN THE CALL TO WAR PAINTED AS HEROIC THING, BUT HERE IT BECAME MORE EVIDENT THAT STARKS UPROOTED AND RUINED THOUSANDS OF LIVES IN NAME OF A VALID, BUT-ULTIMATELY-JUST-PERSONAL GRUDGE. MARTIN ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT THE COST OF JUSTICE. WHICH RATHER POIGNANT AND UN-FANTASY-LIKE.
MEANING THE WORLD OF SONG OF ICE AND FIRE MORE INTERESTED IN BEING “REAL” THAN MOST STANDARD FANTASY. IT REALLY TRYING BE LIKE OUR WORLD, THEY JUST GOT DRAGONS AND SHIT.(3) AND EVEN IF HULK THINK MARTIN’S EXECUTION IN SERIES = CONSISTENTLY MIDDLING, AND HE TEND SLAM THESE POIGNANT THEMATICS OVER HEAD WITH FORCE OF SLEDGE HAMMER, THERE STILL ONE OTHER THING THAT G.R.R. MARTIN HAVE IN SPADES:
DARING.
MARTIN PERHAPS WORK BEST AS NARRATIVE DAREDEVIL. HIS HUGE RISKS PRETTY WELL-KNOWN AT THIS POINT AND THEY JUSTIFIABLY LAUDED/HATED. HULK SURMISE THAT THE RISKS IN THRONES WORK BEST BECAUSE THAT BOOK SET UP FAIRLY STANDARD NARRATIVE AND WHEN EVERYTHING GO TO SHIT, IT TRULY RESONATE BECAUSE IT BOTH NEW AND UNEXPECTED. BUT THEN THE OTHER BOOKS COME ALONG AND MARTIN NOT AFRAID GO DEEPER DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE AND TORTURE/KILL OFF MORE BELOVED CHARACTERS IN UNCEREMONIOUS WAYS.
AT WORST, THIS COME OFF AS PURE SADISM, A WRITER WHO CAN ONLY DELIGHT IN TORTURING THE READER. HULK ARGUE THAT IT MORE LIKELY HE JUST A WRITER WHO MISTAKE SURPRISE AND SHOCK FOR ACTUAL GRAVITAS AND SIGNIFICANCE, SOMEONE WHOSE ONLY WAY TO EMOTIONALLY RESONATE WITH YOU TO PISS YOU OFF EVERY 40 PAGES OR SO. BUT AT BEST, MARTIN UNDERPIN THESE MOMENTS WITH THE SLIGHTEST TRAPPINGS OF HOPE. BUTH THOSE PRETTY RARE. HULK MOST CONSOLED THROUGH THE META-REALIZATION THAT THERE ACTUALLY A WRITER OUT THERE MORE THAN WILLING TO BE BOLD; TO TRY AND ARTICULATE THE RANDOMNESS AND CHAOS OF NATURAL LIFE AND BRING IT INTO GENRE WRITING RATHER THAN MODERN FICTION. IT A BOLD AIM. BUT THE TRUTH THAT HULK NOT REALLY SURE… G.R.R. MARTIN SEEM ALTERNATE BETWEEN THESE TWO ENDS OF SPECTRUM AND OFTEN APPEAR BE DOING BOTH AT ONCE.
BUT EVEN HULK CAN DISTINGUISH THAT A FEAST FOR CROWS THE LEAST DARING BOOK HULK EVER READ.
THERE TRULY NOT ONE SINGLE NARRATIVE “RISK” MARTIN SO FAMOUS FOR. NOW, HULK NOT SAYING HULK INNATELY REQUIRE THESE RISKY-RISKS TAKE PLACE, AS IF HULK SOME READER TAKING THIS IN ON PURE OCD LEVEL. IT JUST THAT WITHOUT THESE RISKS, MARTIN NOT REALLY HAVE NARRATIVE BACKBONE FALL BACK ON. FACED WITH THE COMPLETE ABSENCE OF SHOCK, HULK REALIZED MARTIN HAVE PISS POOR-CONCEPT OF DRAMA (BUT AGAIN, MORE ON THAT LATER).
ACTUALLY, KNOW WHAT? IF HULK TALKING ABOUT BOOK ON META LEVEL, THEN HULK COULD ARGUE CROWS THE MOST DARING OF ALL FOUR BOOKS; IN THAT MARTIN RELEASE OF BOOK WHERE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING OF INTEREST HAPPEN OVER 1000 PAGES AND THE BEST CHARACTERS ALL REMOVED. BETTER YET, IT WEAKLY IMPLY THE NARRATIVE MOVING TOWARD BIG CHANGES AND CLIMACTIC ACTION, BUT THEN PROMPTLY END BOOK ON SERIES OF EMPTY THREATS AND FUCK-ALL GESTURES… SO YEAH… IN THAT WAY THE BOOK SUPER DARING.
DOES CROWS TRULY WASTE ALL THAT TIME ON POINTLESS NARRATIVE?
YES.
IT TOTALLY DOES.
CONCEPTUALLY, CROWS JUST GO WITH EVERY WRONG INSTINCT POSSIBLE. IT SORT OF AMAZING.
SO LET HULK DELVE:
… AND OH YEAH, BEWARE THE SUPER-DUPER-SPOILERS:
FOR STARTERS, WHERE DID HULK LAST LEAVE SOME AWESOME CHARACTERS AT END OF SWORDS? DANEYRS = NOW IN CHARGE OF MINI-EMPIRE ACROSS THE SEA AND SHE TOTALLY A BADASS. TYRION = JUST KILLED HIS DADDY AND TOTALLY A BADASS. JON SNOW = NOW BEING PUT IN CHARGE OF WALL AND TOTALLY A BADASS. CATELYN = REVEALED TO BE STILL ALIVE AND HANGING FREYS WITH THE LORD OF LIGHT AND NOW TOTALLY A BADASS ZOMBIE. STANNIS = NOW A KING WHO SAVED THE WALL AND WANTS TO MAKE JON SNOW LORD OF WINTERFELL AND TOTALLY A BADASS. DAVOS = NOW AT ODDS WITH MELISSANDRE AND STANNIS, YET STILL SOMEWHAT A BADASS.
AFTER ALL THAT, HULK COULD NO WAIT READ CROWS.
EXCEPT THAT ALMOST ALL THOSE CHARACTERS NOT IN THE BOOK WHATSOEVER.
IN FACT, THEY BARELY EVEN MENTIONED BY OTHERS. AND IF ONE OR TWO DO APPEAR IN BOOK, IT ONLY FOR LIKE TWO SECONDS. AND OH YEAH, IN THE WORST CASE, ONE APPARENTLY KILLED OFF.
… UGH.
SO WHAT HULK TREATED TO INSTEAD? HULK GET CERSEI, JAIMIE, BRIENNE, AND SAMWELL…GOOD GOD. ..MARTIN REALLY IS A SADIST. AND WAIT TIL YOU SEE HOW LITTLE FOCUS ARYA AND SANSA GET WHEN COMPARED TO THE THESE FUCKERS. THEY EVEN GET WAY LESS TIME THEN WHOLE BUNCH OF NEW ASSHAT CHARACTERS.
LOOK. HULK MAYBE BELIEVE THERE SOME VERSION OF THIS STORY THAT SUCCEED IN ITS AIM AND HANDLE THE DIRECTION OF THESE CHARACTERS. HULK TRULY DO. HULK NOT REACTING OUT OF SOME O.C.D. SPASM HERE. THE PROBLEM THAT WHAT IN MARTIN TRYING ACCOMPLISH, HE DO PISS POOR JOB OF. MARTIN’S APPROACH TO STRUCTURING THIS NOVEL = DEEPLY PROBLEMATIC.
TO HIGHLIGHT, HULK GOING SUMMARIZE THE ENTIRE PLOTS OF EACH CHARACTER AND LOOK AT CHAPTER/PAGE COUNTS INVOLVED TELLING THE STORIES. NOW, THIS NOT IMPLY PAGE COUNTS SOME MAGIC INDICATOR OF WASTE, HULK JUST TRYING SHOW EXACTLY WHERE MARTIN’S FOCUS WAS WHILE WRITING:
CERSEI – THIS SHOULD HAVE BEEN HER SWAN SONG. WHEN STORY STARTED HULK SOMEWHAT INTERESTED BECAUSE SHE FINALLY GIVEN THE POWER SHE ALWAYS CRAVED. AND MARTIN MAKE IT CLEAR EARLY ON JUST HOW PROBLEMATIC THIS GOING TO BE. THE LARGER PROBLEM = CERSEI STILL A CHARACTER THAT MARTIN HAVE NO INTEREST IN MAKING SOMETHING OTHER THAN CRAZY-PSYCHO-BITCH. THERE LITERALLY NOTHING ELSE GOING ON WITH HER ON CHARACTER LEVEL. CERSEI SIMPLY IS. SO NATURALLY, IN THE BOOK THIS HORRIBLY STAGNANT CHARACTER GET RECORD-SETTING 10 CHAPTERS OF SINGULAR FOCUS AND RECORD-SETTING 207 PAGES OF PLOT LINE. WHAT COULD DESERVE SO MUCH ATTENTION? NOT MUCH. THE FOLLOWING ALL THAT CERSEI DO IN BOOK: SHE HIRE “YES MEN” AS ADVISERS, SHE HAVE COMPLETELY ABSURD THROWAWAY LESBIAN AFFAIR, SHE SIT AROUND THINKING ABOUT HOW SHE NOT LIKE THE INFLUENCE OF TOMMENS NEW OLDER BRIDE, SHE SCHEME IN HER MIND TO TAKE THEM DOWN BY ARMING THE HIGH SEPTONS, AND THEN THE HIGH SEPTONS ULTIMATELY ARRESTING HER FOR TREASON… NOW… THIS SOUND LIKE DECENT-IF-SORT-OF-OBVIOUS ARC, FOR SURE. THE SPECIFICS FINE… BUT IT ABSOLUTELY COULD HAVE BEEN HANDLED IN 4 CHAPTERS OVER ABOUT 70 PAGES. INSTEAD, THERE HAVE BE ABOUT 100 PAGES OF CERSEI JUST THINKING PEOPLE ARE ASSHOLES. OVER + OVER + OVER AGAIN. HULK REALLY JUST WANTED HER TO SHUT UP. AND THEN THERE WERE LIKE 90 TIMES PRINCESS MARGEARY DO SOMETHING THAT MAKE YOU THINK CERSEI GONNA BLOW GASKET AND INTERVENE, BUT THEN CERSEI DO NOTHING. SHE JUST THINK OF SOMETHING BAD TO SAY IN HER HEAD. HULK UNDERSTAND HOW THIS TRYING SHOW THAT CERSEI BEING CAUTIOUS FOR CHANGE AND WAITING FOR FOR BIG MOVE, BUT AFTER DOING THAT 40 TIMES, HERE HULK’S QUESTION… HOW THE FUCK IS THAT DRAMA? GUESS WHAT? IT NOT! AND THIS WHOLE PLOT LINE THAT TAKE UP 1/4 OF THE BOOK! AND THE BIG CLIFFHANGER = CERSEI WRITING LETTER TO JAIME PLEADING FOR HELP… THAT IT.
JAIME – A CHARACTER THAT GROWING INCREASINGLY LIKABLE/INCREASINGLY HONORABLE GET 7 CHAPTERS AND 140 PAGES AND DO NOTHING BUT: GET BITCHED AT BY CERSEI, GO ON WALK ACROSS COUNTRYSIDE, OBSESSES OVER HOW CERSEI CHEATED ON HIM, STAY WITH RELATIVES AND LISTEN TO THEM BITCHING, THEN FINALLY GETS TO GOAL OF THE SIEGE OF RIVERRUN! ONLY INSTEAD OF DOING ANYTHING BIG, HE JUST NEGOTIATE PEACE. THE TRUTH = THAT HULK LIKE JAIME SEEM BE FINDING HIS SOUL. BUT THERE JUST SUCH NAKED OBVIOUSNESS ABOUT WHOLE THING. AND HIS MOVE TOWARD INACTION WORSENED BY THE FACT THAT THE BOOK NOTHING BUT INACTION. THERE NO POIGNANCY. AND THE BIG CLIFFHANGER = JAIME HAVING NO INTEREST IN ANSWERING CERSEI’S PLEA AND THROWING AWAY LETTER… A NICE GESTURE, BUT STILL, JUST A GESTURE. THERE NO BIG CONFLICT IN ANY OF JAIME’S ARC. IT A MAN BECOMING INCREASINGLY BORED AND ANNOYED BY HIS ROLE. SO GUESS WHAT THE READER EXPERIENCE?
BRIENNE – SHE PROBABLY THE MOST LIKABLE CHARACTER, BUT THAT NOT EXACTLY MEAN SHE INTERESTING. SHE OFTEN NOTHING BUT BLIND FAITH AND NAIVETY. AND SO THE BOOK TAKE 8 CHAPTERS AND 164 PAGES OF BRIENNE WANDERING AROUND ON AIMLESS QUEST THROUGH THE FIELDS NORTH OF KINGS LANDING, ASKING THE SAME EXACT QUESTION: “HAVE YOU SEEN A MAIDEN OF TEN AND THREE WITH AUBURN HAIR?” SHE ASK THAT QUESTION AT LEAST 4 MILLION TIMES (GIVE OR TAKE). ASIDE FROM THAT, BRIENNE MEET A WHOLE BUNCH OF FALSE LEADS, TAKE ON A FEW BORING TRAVELERS, AND HAVE A COUPLE SKIRMISHES WITH CHARACTERS HULK LITERALLY FORGOT EXISTED. BUT THE BIG CLIFFHANGER = DRAMA! CONFLICT! FINALLY! BRIENNE BROUGHT TO LADY CATELYN, THE VERY PERSON THE READER BEEN WANTING TO FOLLOW UP WITH FOR 1000 PAGES. AND CATELYN WHO NOW ASSUME BRIENNE A TRAITOR! THIS THE EXACT KIND OF STUFF MARTIN DO WELL. SO RIGHT WHEN THEY ABOUT TO STRING UP BRIENNE AND HANG HER SHE MANAGE SAY ONE WORD JUST BEFORE IT HAPPEN. END STORYLINE… OKAY… NOW THIS ENDING NOT ACTUALLY AN ACTION. IT THE THREAT OF ACTION. WHICH MEAN THIS GESTURE WOULD BE INTERESTING IF HULK THOUGHT THIS REALLY THE END OF BRIENNE… BUT IT JUST SO NAKEDLY A FAKE-OUT. EVERYONE KNOW SHE ABOUT SAY “ARYA” OR “SANSA” AND LADY CATELYN WILL NOT HANG HER TO LEARN WHAT SHE KNOW ABOUT HER DAUGHTERS. BUT HERE THE THING: EVEN IF HULK WRONG AND THAT THE ACTUALLY THE END OF BRIENNE, THE ALL RESONANCE STILL LOST. MARTIN TELEGRAPHED THE FEINT SO BADLY THAT HULK NOT EMOTIONALLY INVESTED EVEN IF IT HER LAST MOMENT. IT COMPLETELY COLLAPSE IN ON SELF. WHICH MEAN HULK LITERALLY NOT CARE WHAT HAPPEN NEXT WITH CHARACTER HULK LIKE VERY MUCH… HURRAY.
SANSA – SANSA, AN ACTUAL STARK, MEANWHILE GET JUST 3 CHAPTERS AND 73 PAGES. REALLY, SHE BARELY IN IT. THE BIGGER PROBLEM THAT HER STORYLINE JUST AS UNINTERESTING AS THE OTHERS. SANSA MOSTLY SIT AROUND TAKING CARE OF SICKLY BOY ROBERT. THEN SANSA ACTUALLY GETS PRETTY NEAT THING REVEALED TO HER BY LITTLEFINGER AT END… THE ONLY THING IS IT WOULD HAVE BEEN LOT NICER SEE LITTLEFINGER’S SCHEME AT PLAY AND NOT SIMPLY RECAPPED TO US IN FOUR PAGE MONOLOGUE. EVER HEAR “SHOW DON’T TELL?” MARTIN FUCKING LOVES TO JUST TELL. AND EVEN THEN IT NOT EVEN AN ACTION, JUST A PLAN. ABOUT AS WORTHWHILE DRAMATICALLY AS THE EMPTY GESTURES. OF COURSE, THE BIGGER PROBLEM OF HANDLING SANSA IN SUCH ECONOMIC FASHION THAT IT MAKE YOU WONDER WHY THE FUCK THE OTHER OTHER CHARACTERS COULDN’T HAVE ENJOYED THE SAME ECONOMY.
ARYA – NOW… THIS ONE COULD HAVE BEEN PRETTY NEAT, BUT IT ONLY ENDED UP BEING MERE INTRODUCTION. ARYA JUST GET 3 CHAPTERS AND JUST 58 PAGES (THE LOWEST TOTAL ANY CHARACTER GET IN ANY BOOK) TO TELL HER TALE. AND THAT SUCKS BECAUSE ARYA NOW IN BRAVOS AND SHE BEGIN LEARNING THE WAYS OF THE ONE WITH MANY FACES. AND WHAT LITTLE THERE = TOTALLY FANTASTIC. IT A RESONANT, EMOTIONAL, DARK, AND HAUNTING PLOT-LINE…. SO OF COURSE MARTIN BARELY GIVE IT ANY ATTENTION. THE WORST OFFENSE THAT HULK ACTUALLY FORGOT WHAT HAPPENED AT END OF HER PLOT BECAUSE IT HAPPENED SO MUCH EARLIER IN BOOK THEN THE REST OF STORY’S “CLIMAXES”… BOO.
SAMWELL – UGH. SAM. AT BEGINNING HE SENT BY JON TO OLDTOWN BECOME A MAESTER. HULK SORT OF GET ON BOARD WITH THAT IDEA AND HULK EXCITED FINALLY BE PULLED INTO THAT WORLD, ESPECIALLY AFTER THE TEASE AT BEGINNING WHICH INSINUATE SOME MAJOR INTRIGUE GOING ON THERE… BUT SAM’S JOURNEY TAKES 5 CHAPTERS AND 87 PAGES AND IT BARELY GET THERE. THE MOST SIGNIFICANT THING THAT HAPPEN ALONG THE WAY = AEMON DIES. AND SAM MAYBE HAD SEX WITH A GILLY. IT SORT OF GLOSSED OVER. FOR THE MOST PART SAM JUST FUTZES AROUND AND FEELS HELPLESS. AGAIN, HULK LIKE HIS CHARACTER, BUT DRAMATIZING FROM HIS PERSPECTIVE JUST SO ENDLESSLY ANNOYING. AND WITH SAM, MARTIN CONTINUALLY USE ONE OF HIS WORST DRAMATIC CONVENTIONS OF HAVING SAM AT NEW/DIFFERENT PLACE THAT RECOUNTING HOW HE GOT THERE. THIS CAN BE FINE, BUT OFTEN IT SAP THE ENERGY OF NARRATIVE RIGHT OUT. ANYCRAP, SAM EVENTUALLY GET TO OLDTOWN AND THE BIG ENDING GESTURE OF HIS STORY? THE ONE THAT CAPPING OFF THIS LONG-ASS JOURNEY? THE SAME GESTURE THAT SUPPOSEDLY WORTHY ENOUGH TO BE THE ENDING GESTURE/CLIFFHANGER FOR THE ENTIRE BOOK? SAM MEET A TINY CHARACTER WHO DIED FOR SOME REASON IN THE OPENING TEASE. A CHARACTER WE NO CARE ABOUT. AND THE READER STILL HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT HAVE DO WITH ANYTHING WHATSOEVER OR WHAT IT EVEN IMPLYING… UGH… FUCKING GARBAGE.
THE DORNISH FOLK! – NOW THIS WHERE THE NEW BOOK TAKE LEFT TURN AND INTRODUCE LOTS NEW CHARACTERS. ONLY INSTEAD OF GETTING ONE CHARACTER TO FOLLOW AND GET TO LIKE, THERE A ROTATION OF “ONE-OFFS” THAT ALL HAVE DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE ON STORY. ON SURFACE THIS SEEM LIKE INTERESTING IDEA. SOME CHARACTERS COULD HAVE DIFFERENT KNOWLEDGE OF EVENTS AND HOW THINGS PIECING TOGETHER. IT SEEM LIKE GOOD OPPORTUNITY FOR INTRIGUE… EXCEPT IT USED FOR SHIT. HULK CAN LITERALLY THINK OF NO ADVANTAGE GAINED BY HOW MARTIN USES THIS DEVICE IN CROWS. NONE. THE WHOLE DORNISH PLOT-LINE INVOLVE THE VARIOUS FAMILY MEMBERS OF THE RED VIPER WANTING TO GO TO WAR AND THEN THE CURRENT PRINCE JUST PREVENTING THEM. AT FIRST HE JUST SEEMS LIKE WUSS, BUT AFTER 4 CHAPTERS AND 85 FUCKING PAGES IT JUST REVEALED THAT THE PRINCE ALREADY HAVE MASTERPLAN WITH DANY ACROSS THE SEA… MAYBE… IT ACTUALLY NOT ALL THAT FUCKING CLEAR. THE POINT IS IT NOTHING BUT MORE INACTION.
THE FUCKING IRON ISLANDS GANG – QUICK! WANTED TO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT THE IRON ISLANDS? EVERY PERSON WHO LIVED THERE? THEIR TRADITIONS? EVER HEARD OF A KINGSMOOT? WELL YOU IN LUCK! AND BY THE WAY, THERE’S NO THEON, WHO THE ONLY ACTUAL MEMBER OF THIS CREW IT BE NICE REVISIT AND FIND OUT WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED WITH HIM…. BOO… BUT REALLY THE PROBLEM WITH THIS WHOLE IRON ISLANDS THING THAT WE EVENTUALLY INTRODUCED TO WHAT ASSUMED TO BE MAJOR CHARACTER: THE CROW’S EYE. HIS STORY ABOUT GOING TO VALYRIA = ALLURING AS FUCK, AND HE EVEN REVEALED TO HAVE THIS GAME CHANGING WEAPON AT HIS DISPOSAL (WOW, THESE MAGIC GIANT HORNS PRETTY POWERFUL HUH? REMEMBER THE ONE THAT CAN TAKE DOWN THE WALL? BET YOU DIDNT REMEMBER IT CAUSE IT NOT EVEN MENTIONED IN THIS BOOK). THIS NEW IRON ISLANDS RULER IMPLIED THAT HE CAN BE THE GUY WHO CAN TAKE DOWN DANY’S DRAGONS! CRAZY! THAT PRETTY INTERESTING… SO PARDON HULK BUT WHY SPEND 5 CHAPTERS AND 96 PAGES AND NOT REALLY KNOW ANYTHING SUBSTANTIAL ABOUT THIS FUCKER. OH HULK COULD TELL YOU ALL ABOUT AERON, OR ASHA, OR VICTARION, OR THE LIBRARIAN OR WHOEVER ELSE THE FUCK. WE GET SPEND HOURS WITH THEM FOR SOME REASON. BUT THE ACTUAL INTERESTING GUY WHO FULL OF INTRIGUE? BEST KEEP HIM ON THE PERIPHERAL. AND HOW DOES HIS STORY ROUND OUT? OH YEAH. MARTIN NEVER MENTIONS THEM OR THEIR STORYLINE FOR THE LAST 1/3 OF THE BOOK. SERIOUSLY, ALL THE IRON ISLANDS CHARACTERS STOP BEING MENTIONED ON PAGE 633. IT SO FAR FROM END THAT HULK FORGOT ABOUT YET ANOTHER CLIFFHANGER. AND HULK MEAN, WHY DEAL WITH THAT STORY, WHEN YOU CAN HAVE BRIENNE WANDER A BIT MORE?
SO THAT = A FEAST OF CROWS IN ALL IT GLORY.
HULK WORRY THAT WHAT HULK JUST DESCRIBED SEEM LIKE A LOT. BUT TRULY IT NOT. IT THE PLOT FOR WHAT HULK ESTIMATE TO BE A 400 PAGE BOOK THAT STILL FEEL ORGANIC… IN FACT, HULK MORE OR LESS COVERED EVERY SINGLE PLOT POINT IN FEW HUNDRED WORDS… SO OVER 1000 PAGES OF IT = FUCKING TEDIUM. BORING. REPETITIVE. MIND-NUMBING. TEDIUM.
TO HIGHLIGHT JUST HOW THIS SO, HULK WANT THINK ABOUT THE POSSIBLE SEASON OF TV BASED ON THIS BOOK (THAT NOT GOING HAPPEN, IT WILL BE TIED WITH DRAGONS, BUT STILL, HEAR HULK OUT). WHAT PARTICULARLY TELLING THAT THERE JUST SO LITTLE ACTION TO DRAMATIZE. HULK NOT TALKING ABOUT “ACTION SCENES” BUT EVEN JUST CONFRONTATIONS AND CONFLICT. EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENING IN BOOK HAPPENING ON OBSERVATIONAL LEVEL. THERE LIKE 4 ACTUAL EVENTS OF CONFLICT. MAYBE IT GET SOME MILEAGE OUT OF CERSEI’S POLITICAL DECISIONS, BUT FOR MOST PART THOSE EQUALLY REPETITIVE. THERE LITERALLY NOTHING TO USE IN TERMS OF DRAMA. AND EVEN IF THE TV SHOW USE A DANCE WITH DRAGONS THEY STILL GOING HAVE DIVIDE MATERIAL UP OVER TWO SEASONS (AT LEAST THAT THE PLAN) SO THEY ONLY HAVE HALF MATERIAL FROM EACH TO GO WITH… AND GIVEN HOW LITTLE THERE ALREADY IS, HULK JUST NO SEE HOW IT POSSIBLE. IF THE NEW BOOK ANYTHING LIKE THIS LAST ONE, IT WOULD MEAN THERE LIKELY ONLY 1 SEASON OF MATERIAL TO GET OUT OF 2,500 FREAKING PAGES. THIS TV-ADAPTING THING MATTER TO HULK BECAUSE IT REFLECT JUST HOW MUCH THIS BOOK = A NON-STORY.
ULTIMATELY, IT JUST MAKE CROWS THE MOST UN-CONSCIENTIOUSLY UNSATISFYING AND MAYBE THE “WORST” BOOK HULK EVER READ. OH SURE, STUFF LIKE TWILIGHT FAR MORE INSIPID.(4) BUT HULK NEVER READ A BOOK THAT SO AMAZINGLY FORGET ITS CORE IDENTITY AND MISSION. HULK GET ALL OF MARTIN’S INCLINATIONS, BUT IT JUST SEEM LIKE THE COMPLETE MISUNDERSTANDING OF WHY PEOPLE READING THE BOOK. THE TANGENTS AND REALISM OF ROAD TRAVEL = THE WINDOW DRESSING THAT HELP ONE ENJOY THE OBJECTIVE, NOT THE OBJECTIVE ITSELF. THIS LIKE IF J.K. ROWLING WROTE A VOLUME OF HARRY POTTER THAT JUST THE CAMPING.
WHAT COULD TRULY POSSESSED GEORGE R.R. MARTIN TO WRITE THE BOOK LIKE THIS?
IT POSSIBLY JUST ONE TERRIBLE DECISION. MARTIN APPARENTLY GOT MOST WAY THROUGH WRITING CROWS BUT HE THOUGHT IT TOO LONG… SO HE JUST, YA KNOW, TOOK OUT ALL BEST CHARACTERS AND EITHER NO EDIT THE OTHERS OR STUFF THEM FULL OF EVERY DETAILED WHIM. IT LIKE MARTIN HAVE SOME SECRET REQUIREMENT THAT THESE FUCKERS BE OVER 1000 PAGES. AGAIN, THIS EXACT STORY COULD HAVE BEEN 400 PAGE BOOK AND EVEN THEN IT STILL NOT VERY INTERESTING. AND NO TELL HULK PAGE COUNT NO MATTER. ECONOMY HELP DRIVE STORY AS WELL AS CHARACTERIZATION. IT NO ACCIDENT THAT THE BEST BOOK IN SERIES, A GAME OF THRONES, ONLY 694 PAGES. IT HAVE MUCH, MUCH BETTER PACING.
BUT REALLY THE DECISION TO STRUCTURE BOOK LIKE THIS GO BACK TO WHAT HULK CONSIDER HIS BIGGEST PROBLEM:
GEORGE R.R. MARTIN WRITE LIKE AN ANT WALKS.
HEAR HULK OUT: THIS NOT TO IMPLY HIS WRITING JUST SLOW (WHICH IT IS), BUT INSTEAD THAT MARTIN SEEMS TO TREAD SLOWLY AND DELIBERATELY THROUGH EVERY WORD HE WRITING WITHOUT GIVING SINGLE THOUGHT TO PACING, ARC, BEATS, ETC. THIS NOT TO IMPLY HE UNAWARE OF THEM. BUT HE DEVISE A POINT A AND POINT B AND THEN JUST TAKE THESE LONG, STEADY STEPS, ONE AFTER ANOTHER TOWARD CONNECTING THEM. THE NARRATIVE FOR EACH CHARACTER JUST A STRAIGHT LINE, WHICH DESCRIBING EVERY LITTLE BIT OF NEEDLESS DETAIL ALONG WAY (EVEN WHEN THE DETAILS INTERESTING, THEY NEVER TRANSCENDENT… AND MOST OF THE DETAILS NOT THAT INTERESTING). NOT ONLY THE PROCESS = TEDIOUS, IT CAUSE THE NOVELS BE DISTINCTLY “A-DRAMATIC.” LOOK, HULK LIKE AN ORGANIC FLESHED-OUT NOVEL AS MUCH ANYONE. GIVE HULK JOYCE, FAULKNER, PYNCHON, OR DFW ANYTIME. (5) BUT THOSE VERY DIFFERENT KIND OF BOOKS WITH VERY DIFFERENT SORTS OF AIMS. THE VERBOSE NATURE OF THE DETAILS WITHIN THEM SPEAK TO LARGER THEMATIC POINTS. AND THE LARGER POINT OFTEN SEEM ESCAPE MARTIN.
MARTIN TRULY SHOWCASES A DISTINCT LACK OF SELF-AWARENESS. HE SEEM IN CONTROL OF THE WRITING AND CHARACTERIZATION, BUT IT LIKE THE ACTUAL STORY VOMITTED FROM HIS ID, PAGE BY PAGE. PERHAPS HE KNOW THE ENDGAMES FOR CHARACTERS. BUT FOR LONG STRETCHES IT JUST SEEM LIKE THERE NOT EVEN SLIGHTEST INKLING OF PLAN OR DEVELOPMENT. THE CHARACTERS SIMPLY ARE AND RARELY CHANGE. THE STORY HAPPENS AROUND THEM.
AND THE VOMITING ID NOWHERE MORE OBVIOUS THEN THE LUDICROUS SEXUAL HANG-UPS ON DISPLAY THROUGHOUT THE SERIES. HULK KNOW SOME WRITERS BORDER ON MASTURBATORY, BUT THIS THE ABSOLUTE PINNACLE OF MASTURBATORY WRITING. HULK WOULD BET LIFE SAVINGS THAT GEORGE RR. MARTIN TOTALLY JERKED IT TO VAST MAJORITY OF HIS SEX SCENES. THEY THAT ABSURD. THE LANGUAGE USED LIKE NOTHING ELSE IN THE BOOKS. THE NARRATIVE WILL ABSOLUTELY STOP FOR FULL-ON PAGES SO THAT WE CAN HAVE LURID DESCRIPTIONS OF WOMEN’S BODIES (SORRY STRAIGHT LADIES, MARTIN NOT INTERESTED IN EQUAL OPPORTUNITY OGLING). THE TRUTH INESCAPABLE: GEORGE R.R.R MARTIN TOTALLY MASTURBATES TO OWN WRITING.
YEAH, TOTALLY GROSS.
IN THRONES IT ALL SEEMED INNOCENT ENOUGH. WE GOT A MARRIED COUPLE AND FEW OTHER BITS. AT FIRST THE THREATS OF RAPE AND SEXUAL VIOLENCE WORK EXACTLY AS INTENDED (TO MAKE READER FEEL VULNERABLE AND SCARED) AND THEN AT ONE POINT IT JUST ERUPT INTO MARTIN’S DISTURBING SEXUAL ID. MARTIN GO FULL PAST IMPLYING THAT RAPE A FACT OF LIFE IN THESE DAYS, AND INSTEAD IT BORDER ON MANIACAL INSISTENCE. THE WHOLE “PEOPLE = HORRIBLE” HYPOTHESIS LOST ALL NARRATIVE EFFECT. MARTIN PROVED IT. AND ULTIMATELY IT JUST MAKE HULK FEEL EITHER TIRED AND UNSEEMLY. THE WORST REACTION HULK CAN HAVE = TO READ SOME HORRIBLE STUFF AND JUST SHRUG. BUT THAT WHAT MARTIN DO. THERE NO HINT OF META-UNDERSTANDING TO VIOLENCE AND SEX . THIS NOT A CLOCKWORK ORANGE TREATMENT. IT A COMPULSION.
FRANKLY, THE CONSENSUAL SEX NOT ANY BETTER. SWORDS HAVE ONE INCREDIBLE MOMENT WHERE MARTIN WRITE HIS PAINFULLY-OBVIOUS REDHEAD FANTASY WITH JON AND YIGRITTE. IT FILLED WITH ALL THIS MODERN VERNACULAR AND INANITY THAT IT MADE HULK HURL THE BOOK ACROSS ROOM IN DISGUST. HULK NOT EXAGGERATING WHATSOEVER WHEN HULK SAY IT READ LIKE A HIGH SCHOOLER’S SLASH FIC PORN.
AND CROWS HAVE THE DISTINCTION OF INTRODUCING READER TO MARTIN’S SWEET NIPPLE FETISH! AND THANKFULLY, THE COLOR, SIZE, AND PROXIMITY OF EVERY NIPPLE IN THE BOOK ACCOUNTED FOR IN EARNEST. HULK ESTIMATE A HEALTHY 50 PAGES DEVOTED TO NIPPLES AND THE VARIOUS THINGS PEOPLE WANT TO DO WITH NIPPLES. AND FOR THOSE OF YOU NOT INTERESTED IN THIS STRAIGHT-UP SEXUALITY SHIT, NO WORRY! THERE PLENTY OF SUDDEN AND STRANGE S+M BITS WITH IN-DEPTH DETAIL ABOUT HOW WOMEN TORTURED AND THEIR NIPPLES CUT OR BITTEN OFF. IT FUN FOR ALL!
OKAY, HERE THE THING ABOUT MARTIN’S CREEPY-ASS SEXUAL HANGUPS: IN BOOK FORM THEY INSUFFERABLE. BUT ON TV, THE SEXUALIZATION PRESENTED THROUGH THIRD PARTIES. WE NOT GOING DIRECTLY INTO SOME WEIRD GUYS HEAD, WE JUST GETTING SEX PRESENTED BY HOST OF ACTORS AND WHOLE SERIES OF DECISION MAKERS, ETC. NOW HULK KNOW THERE SERIOUS AND OFTEN UNSEEMLY SEXUAL POWER-POLITICS THAT GO INTO ON-SCREEN NUDITY (AND FOR SURE AND HULK NOT DISCOUNTING THEM), BUT HULK JUST TRYING TO POINT OUT THAT THERE A MORE DEMOCRATIC AND LESS-ICKY SENSIBILITY TO IT ON TV. THE SEX “EXIST” IN A WAY THAT VIEWER SEEMLY WATCH.(6) WHEN READING, HOWEVER, THE READER COMPLICIT IN CONSTRUCTING THE SCENES FROM MARTIN’S FUCKED UP IMAGINATION. HULK KNOW THIS ALL SORT OF MACLUEN-ESQUE, BUT IT PARAMOUNT. THE NUDITY ABSOLUTELY GRATUITOUS ON THE SHOW, BUT RARELY IT FEEL OUTRIGHT PORNOGRAPHIC. MEANWHILE, MARTIN’S BOOKS = ABSOLUTELY PORNOGRAPHIC.
WHICH BRINGS HULK TO A DECLARATION OF INTENSE SACRILEGE:
THE TV SHOW = WAY BETTER THAN THE BOOKS.
IT TRUE. AND NOT JUST BECAUSE OF THE SEXUALITY. ALL THROUGHOUT FIRST THREE BOOKS HULK JUST KEPT SAYING TO HULKSELF: “THIS WILL WORK REALLY WELL ON TV!” AND IT DID. ALL THE BEATS OF THRONES CAME OFF LIKE GANGBUSTERS. BETTER YET, ALL THE NARRATIVE PROBLEMS OF BOOKS DRIFT AWAY AND WE LEFT WITH THE GREAT CHARACTERS, A GREAT ENVIRONMENT, AND SOME GREAT OVER-ARCHING CONFLICTS. THE AMAZING ACTORS PROVIDED THE CHARACTERS WITH A SUBTLE, ROUNDED NATURE THAT MARTIN NEVER COULD. THE FAT GOT TRIMMED. THE PACE FOCUSED. THE THEMATICS RAMMED HOME. THE SHOW FEEL BALANCED IN WAY THE BOOKS NEVER EVEN COME CLOSE ACHIEVING. YES, IT ALL STEM FROM MARTIN’S DELIGHTFULLY MESSED-UP ID AND HULK THANKFUL FOR BOTH HIM AND HIS VISION, BUT THE SHOW GET FILTERED THROUGH MANY TALENTED FOLKS TILL IT APPROXIMATED INTO SOMETHING BETTER.
AND IF HULK BEING SUPER HONEST, HULK THINK THE LOVE OF THE BOOKS MISGUIDED IN GENERAL. HULK KNOW THIS MIGHT BE UNPOPULAR OPINION OR MAKE HULK SOUND LIKE A FUDDY-DUDDY. THE FANS OF SERIES REALLY DEVOTED AND HULK UNDERSTAND THE DEVOTION. THEY VALUE THE PROPERTY BECAUSE IT DO THINGS FEW OTHER THINGS EVEN TRY TO DO. BUT HULK JUST BEING HONEST ABOUT OPINIONS AND ONLY THINGS GOOD COME FROM HONESTY. SO HERE GOES:
HULK THINK THE FIRST BOOK = A GREAT STORY AND THE SECOND HALF OF THE THIRD = THE PERFECT KIND OF NUTS. BUT HULK THINK THE GOODWILL OF ENTIRE SERIES TRULY INDEBTED TO BRUTAL, DEEPLY RESONANT MOMENT WHERE THEY KILLED OFF NED STARK. HULK TALKED ABOUT THE SHOCK OF THAT INITIAL READ AND HOW ELECTRIFYING IT FELT. SO FROM THAT POINT ON, READING THE BOOKS = TRYING RECAPTURE WHAT MAKE THAT SINGULAR MOMENT SO GOOD. ONLY THIS A FALSE AIM. THE REASON FOR THIS TWO-FOLD: 1) BECAUSE WE SUBCONSCIOUSLY CRAVE “THE SHOCK” THE READER CAN NO LONGER EXPERIENCE IT IN SAME WAY AS ONCE DID. THIS AMPLIFIED BY 2) MARTIN NOT REALLY HAVING MUCH ELSE TO DRAW BACK ON WHICH CAN ACHIEVE SAME LEVEL OF RESONANCE. HE NO WRITE BEAUTIFUL MOMENTS. HE NO WRITE CATHARTIC MOMENTS. TIME AND TIME AGAIN, MARTIN COME AT YOU WITH THE SAME EXACT TACTICS OF DOURNESS, DEATH, AND SHOCK. ONLY NOW THEY LESS AND LESS EFFECTIVE . HECK, IN NEXT BOOK, ANY CHARACTER COULD DIE FOR ANY REASON AND IT NO SURPRISE HULK WHATSOEVER. FUCK, DANY COULD GET HIT BY A BUS.
WHAT IT MEAN THAT THE READER PARTICIPATE IN THESE NOVELS LIKE A DRUG ADDICT.
HULK KNOW THIS SOUND LIKE HYPERBOLE. BUT IT TRUE. HULK GOT THE “FIRST HIGH” AT NED STARK’S DECAPITATION AND NOW BEEN CHASING THAT HIGH WITH DIMINISHING RETURNS EVERY TIME. THAT EXACTLY WHAT IT MEAN TO BE DRUG ADDICT. BUT HULK KEEP DOING IT NO MATTER HOW ENRAGING AND AWFUL BECAUSE, FOR BETTER OR WORSE, HULK SIMPLY IN AT THIS POINT. HULK JUST ADDICTED AS ALL THE OTHER DEVOTED READERS.
EVEN IF CROWS FEEL LIKE A “BOTTOMING OUT” MOMENT.
SO, IF EXCUSE, HULK HAVE PREPARE HULK-SELF FOR OBLIGATION OF A DANCE WITH DRAGONS IN FEW DAYS.
…HERE’S HOPING SOMETHING HAPPEN IN IT.
ENDNOTES:
(1) – HULK READ IT IN ABOUT 5 DAYS. THAT SEEM A LITTLE EXTREME FOR 1000 PAGE BOOK, BUT IT JUST THAT THOSE DAYS COMPRISED TWO CROSS COUNTRY FLIGHTS AND FREAKING TON OF DOWN TIME. SO JUST KNOW HULK NOT TRYING IMPLY IT “ELECTRIFYING-CAN-NO-PUT-IT-DOWN-READ!” NOT AT ALL. HULK WOULD HAVE BARELY SLOGGED THROUGH IT IN DIFFERENT CIRCUMSTANCES.
(2) – HULK REALIZE STATEMENTS LIKE THIS CAN BE OFF-PUTTING. IT NOT MEANT LIKE THAT. THE GOOD WRITER/BAD WRITER ARGUMENT TEND BE MOST BIZARRE ONE. LIKE HULK ARGUE J.K. ROWLING NOT A “GREAT WRITER” BUT SHE MAYBE ONE OF THE MOST EFFECTIVE IN THE WORLD. WHEREAS, HULK THINK UPDIKE ONE OF THE BEST WRITERS IN WORLD, BUT HULK THINK HE TOTALLY INEFFECTIVE. MEANWHILE, MARTIN JUST SOMEWHERE IN MIDDLE WITH BOTH. BACK TO EXPLAINING WHY…
(3) SOMETIMES MARTIN’S DESIRE BE LIKE REAL LIFE, YET SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT COME OFF KIND OF HILARIOUS. HE FILL THE BOOKS WITH SUPER-SPECIFIC MODERN PROPER NOUNS AND THEN THROW IN THE OCCASIONAL CHANGE UP: “MILK OF THE POPPY”, “HE’S BUT FOUR-AND-TEN”, “GOOSE PRICKLES,” ETC. THE FUNNIEST PART ABOUT THESE THAT MARTIN BECOME OBSESSED WITH THE SAYING FOR LIKE A GOOD 200 PAGES AND THEN FORGET ABOUT THEM COMPLETELY. “GOOSE PRICKLES” WAS USED IN THE FIRST BOOK LIKE 90 TIMES AND NOT MENTIONED SINCE. IN CROWS, EVERYONE SUDDENLY EAGER SAY HOW OLD THEY ARE “I’M FOUR-AND-FORTY YEARS!” WHEN HULK SERIOUSLY CAN NO REMEMBER THE CONVENTION EVEN BEING USED BEFORE (IT MIGHT HAVE). THE POINT THAT MARTIN ALWAYS HAVE THESE LAZY, TEMPORARY LANGUAGE OBSESSIONS WHEN TRYING TO FANTASY SHIT UP.
(4) – HULK ACTUALLY GOT 2/3 THE WAY THROUGH IT. BUT THIS WAS LONG BEFORE IT WAS “TWILIGHT” AND JUST SOME BOOK SOME TEENAGERS READING… WHAT?… SERIOUSLY?… SHUT UP! HULK LIKE STAY UP ON YOUNG-ADULT FICTION BECAUSE IT FUCKING IMPORTANT, THAT’S WHY!
(5) – HULK WOULD ACTUALLY LOVED TO SEE ANY OF THOSE GUYS TRY WRITE THEIR VERSION OF FANTASY BOOK.
(6) – THIS GET INTO ISSUES OF VOYEURISM, BUT THAT ANOTHER CONVERSATION.
HEY EVERYONE! HULK HERE! PLEASE NOTE THAT THERE IS A FULLY RE-WRITTEN, UPDATED VERSION OF THIS COLUMN RIGHT HERE: http://badassdigest.com/2013/12/11/hulks-screenwriting-101-excerpt-the-myth-of-3-act-structure/
PLEASE CHECK IT OUT! HULK THANK!
* * *
HULK HEAR IT ALL THE TIME: “PROBLEMS IN THE FILM’S SECOND ACT.”
ALL… THE FUCKING… TIME.
NOW HULK UNDERSTAND THE INTENTION OF THE STATEMENT, IT USUALLY IMPLY WHEN FILM TREADING WATER, OR LOSE TRACK CHARACTERS, OR RUNNING OUT OF STEAM, OR CRAMMING STUFF IN, OR WHATEVER. HULK GET HOW COMMENT INTENDED. THE PROBLEM WITH THIS GENERIC “SECOND ACT” DESIGNATION THAT REALLY IT CAN IMPLY A PROBLEM WITH ANYTHING IN THE “MIDDLE PART” OF STORYTELLING. IT BEYOND VAGUE. SO WHAT CREATE SUCH WISHY-WASHY STORYTELLING? AND THE EVEN WISHY-WASHY-IER WAY OF EXPLAINING IT?
IT BECAUSE EVER-POPULAR NOTION OF THE 3 ACT STRUCTURE = THE MOST ABOMINABLE WAY TO EXPLAIN STORYTELLING IMAGINABLE. EVEN IF SOMEONE WROTE A STORY USING THE MODEL AS GUIDE, IT STILL, ESSENTIALLY, A MYTH.
IN ORDER TO EVEN DISCUSS, HULK FIRST MUST DEFINE WHAT CONSTITUTE AN “ACT.” PEOPLE USE THE WORD ALL THE TIME WITH OUT REALLY BOTHERING THINK WHAT IT MEAN. IT SORT OF JUST GENERAL PLACEHOLDER FOR “BEGINNING, MIDDLE, AND END.” AND WELL… THAT MEAN NOTHING.
SO HULK, AS WELL AS MANY SCREENWRITERS, PROFESSORS, ACTUAL GOOD BOOKS ON SUBJECT, AND MANY OTHER SMARTER PEOPLE THAN HULK, DEFINE THE END OF AN ACT AS FOLLOWING: A POINT IN STORY WHERE CHARACTER(S) MAKE CHOICE AND CAN NO LONGER “GO BACK.”
THE “POINT” OF COURSE = PURPOSELY VAGUE. AFTER ALL, THERE MANY DIFFERENT KINDS STORIES, ALL WITH MANY DIFFERENT KINDS GOALS. BUT YOU MAY SAY “BUT HULK, COULDN’T THAT POINT REALLY BE ANYTHING? LIKE A CHARACTER JUST LEAVING HIS HOUSE AND GRABBING COFFEE OR SOMETHING?” OKAY IT HAVE BE SLIGHTLY MORE VALID THAN SIMPLE CHANGE IN ACTION OR ENVIRONMENT. THE ACT BREAK CAN BE NEW AND INTERESTING PLOT POINT, A POIGNANT CHARACTER DECISION, A PERSONALITY REVEAL, TWO PREVIOUSLY UN-MET CHARACTERS BECOMING FRIENDS, OR EVEN, IF HANDLED CORRECTLY, SOMETHING AS INSIPID AS “NO! THE BAD GUYS ARE HERE! RUN!” … IT CAN BE ANYTHING AS LONG AS IT HAVE CHANGING NARRATIVE VALUE. THE CHARACTERS ALWAYS HAVE MOVE FORWARD IN SOME NEW REALITY/SITUATION.
THE TRUE END OF ACT CREATE PROPULSION.
WITH THIS DEFINITION, IT MEAN FILM CAN HAVE ANY NUMBER OF ACTS DEPENDING ON WHAT TRYING TO SAY/DO. A MOVIE LIKE MALCOLM X HAVE ABOUT 9 DISTINGUISHABLE ACTS IN HULK’S ESTIMATION, EACH FOCUSING ON TIME IN HIS LIFE WHERE MALCOLM GO THROUGH PERIOD OF FOCUS AND COME TO NEW KIND OF ENLIGHTENMENT OR CHARACTER REALITY. IT TRULY EPIC FILM THAT TAKE THE STANDARD BIOPIC (WHICH TEND JUST JUMP FROM EVENT TO EVENT IN PERSONS LIFE) AND SEPARATE THEM INTO VERY OBVIOUS “SECTIONS” OF CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT. IT ONE OF HULK’S FAVORITE MOVIES TO POINT TO WHEN COMES TO MULTI-ACT-LABELING.
AND HECK, SOME MOVIES HAVE UPWARDS OF 20 ACTS. IT ALL A QUESTION OF WHAT STORY YOU WANTING TELL AND THE BETTER YOU UNDERSTAND THIS “MOVING FORWARD” MARKING OF ACT BREAKS, THE BETTER THE SCREENPLAY AT PROPELLING NARRATIVE IN MEANINGFUL WAY.(1)
IT STRANGE WHEN YOU LOOK AT CERTAIN-OH-SO-TERRIBLE MOVIES WITH THIS DEFINITION OF AN ACT-DEFINING AND REALIZE “HOLY CRAP, SOME OF THESE MOVIES DO NOTHING LIKE THAT!”
YUP. THIS TINY BIT OF ADVICE OF IGNORING 3 ACT STRUCTURE IN FAVOR OF CONSTANT CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT WOULD SAVE HUNDREDS OF MOVIES.
FOR EXAMPLE, THE RECENT-AND-UTTER-SHIT-FEST GREEN LANTERN HAVE ONE REAL GENUINE ACT BREAK. REPEAT. ONE. OH SURE, THERE STUFF THAT HAPPEN, BUT IN TERMS OF MAIN CHARACTER PROPULSION? NOPE. TO REITERATE THE PLOT: HAL JORDAN = A PISSY-ASS FIGHTER PILOT, HE GIVEN LANTERN RING, ZAPPED TO OA (NEITHER HIS DECISION), TRAIN FOR ALL OF TWO SECONDS AND QUIT TO GO BACK BEING PISSY-ASS NON-FIGHTER PILOT. IT NOT UNTIL 90 DIFFERENT SCENES OF RELATIVE MOPING, FUTZING AROUND IN SUIT, AND FUCKING REJECTING BLAKE LIVELY’S ADVANCES, THAT HE EMBRACE BEING LANTERN AND MAKE ACTUAL FUCKING DECISION TO CHANGE CHARACTER AND GO BACK TO OA. AND NO TELL HULK THAT HAL GETTING THE RING = AN “ACT BREAK” BECAUSE HE THEN SPENT THEN ENTIRE “MIDDLE” OF MOVIE GOING BACK ON THAT. REPEAT, THE FILM HAVE ONE ACT BREAK. THAT IT. EVERYTHING ELSE, OUTSIDE OF HECTOR HAMMOND WHO THE ONE AN ACTUAL STORY ARC, JUST = STUFF HAPPENING. THERE NO CLEAR CHARACTER MOTIVATION AT PLAY IN ANYONE ELSE. THE FILM, ALONG WITH HUNDREDS OTHER MOVIES, PLAIN NO REALIZE WHAT “ACTS” MEAN. THEY NO REALIZE THAT CHARACTERS HAVE MAKE DECISIONS.
AND HULK BLAME THIS STRINGENT BELIEF IN EXISTENCE OF “3 ACT STRUCTURE” FOR CRAP LIKE THIS. HULK REALLY DO.
FOR STARTERS, IT GO BACK TO THAT PROBLEM OF PEOPLE NOT EVEN TRYING DEFINE “ACT BREAKS” WHATSOEVER. THIS WHOLE BEGINNING, MIDDLE, AND END THING MAKES SOME BASIC SENSE IN TERMS OF “SUMMARIZING” A PLOT, BUT IT LITERALLY GIVE ZERO INDICATION OF HOW ACTUALLY WRITE THAT STORY. IF USING THE TRADITIONAL MODEL OF 3 ACT STRUCTURE THEN THE 1ST ACT ALL “INTRODUCTION/SET UP” AND THE 3RD ACT “THE CLIMAX!” WHICH BOTH VAGUE BUT PRETTY SELF-EXPLANATORY… BUT THEN THERE THAT SECOND ACT WHICH OFTEN JUST DEFINED AS “RISE IN CONFLICT”… SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK THAT EVEN MEAN?
“YOU KNOW… THE CONFLICT! JUST, UM, RISE IT!”
WHATEVER IT MEAN, IT CERTAINLY NOT GOOD STORYTELLING. SURE, HULK GUESS IT AN INCREDIBLY VAGUE SUMMARY OF WHAT HAPPENING, BUT AGAIN, IT NOT INSTRUCTING HOW ACTUALLY DO THAT. NONE OF THE GOOD STUFF WHICH CRITICAL TO CHARACTER ARCS, MOTIVATION, RELATIONSHIPS, PROPULSION. NONE OF IT!
MOST OF TIME IT LEAD WRITERS TO JUST TRY MAKE CONNECTING POINTS BETWEEN THE BEGINNING AND ENDING. THAT ABOUT IT. WHICH MEAN CHARACTERS NOT MOVING FORWARD IN ANY DISCERNIBLE WAY. JUST WAITING AROUND FOR 80 MINUTE MARK SO THAT THEY CAN BEGIN THAT ENDING THINGY. IT A SHELL GAME OF UNMOTIVATED EVENTS ALL BECAUSE THE DEFINITION OF 3 ACT STRUCTURE = COMPLETE ASS.
AS RESULT, WE HEAR IT ALL THE TIME: “THE PROBLEMS IN THE FILM’S SECOND ACT.”
SO OKAY, LET’S GET SERIOUS. IF THE 3 ACT MODEL SUCKS AND ACTS MERELY JUST CAN-NO-GO-BACK, HOW ACTUALLY APPROACH STRUCTURE THEN? LET HULK COMPARE THE TRADITIONAL 3 ACT MODEL WITH THAT OTHER OH SO FAMOUS ACT MODEL CREATED BY THE GREATEST STORYTELLING GENIUS OF ALL TIME: WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE.
FACT: SHAKESPEARE’S PLAYS HAD 5 ACTS… REPEAT: 5… NOT 3.
AND FOR SAKE OF EXPLANATION, HULK WILL USE MOST SHAKESPEARE’S MOST POPULAR PLAY, ROMEO AND JULIET (2), TO HELP ILLUSTRATE HULK’S UPCOMING POINT ABOUT NATURE OF STORY STRUCTURE.
THE 1ST ACT COMPRISED OF INTRODUCTIONS AND ESTABLISHING OF PRE-EXISTING CENTRAL MAIN CONFLICT (I.E. TWO FAMILIES AT ODDS, ROMEO LOVESICK PUP OVER ROSALINE, JULIET NAIVE AND LOVELORN GIRL). NOW, THIS PRE-EXISTING CONFLICT IN BACKGROUND SORT OF IMPORTANT BECAUSE IT CREATE A CONDITION OF THE WORLD THE AUDIENCE ENTERING. IT CREATE SENSE OF SPACE, HISTORY, AND BELIEVABILITY. AND IT BIG SURPRISE TO HULK HOW OFTEN IT IGNORED IN TRADITION OF GRAND BLOCKBUSTER FILMMAKING THAT SO POPULAR NOWADAYS. AND HECK, EVEN IF IT SOME INTRICATE HUMAN DRAMA, THE PRE-EXISTING CONFLICT GIVE REASON FOR THE OCCURRENCE OF THE MAIN ACTION WHICH SPUR PLOT INTO EFFECT.
THE 2ND ACT USUALLY COMPRISED OF SOME KIND OF TURN OR REVERSAL WHICH CHALLENGE OR DEEPLY WORSEN THE MAIN CONFLICT, USUAL IN FORM OF RELATIONSHIP DEVELOPMENT, REVEAL, OR SURPRISE (I.E. STAR-CROSSED TEENAGERS ROMEO AND JULIET MEET AND GO GA-GA OVER ONE ANOTHER, WHICH HUGE PROBLEM GIVEN THE NATURE OF THE PRE-EXISTING CONFLICT). BASICALLY THIS ACT FEATURE THE MAIN DEVELOPMENT OF THE STORY. MEANING IF HAD TO EXPLAIN WHAT THE MOVIE ABOUT, THE CONFLICT BEING DESCRIBED SHOULD BE THE THING HAPPENING SOMEWHERE IN HERE, REVEALED IN WHICHEVER WAY BENEFIT THE STORY MOST.(3)
THE 3RD ACT COMPRISE A TURNING POINT. NOW, HULK REMIND YOU THIS NEED NOT BE A “TWIST” BUT MORE A SPURRING ACTION THAT MAKE THE CONFLICT INFINITELY MORE COMPLICATED (I.E. MERCUTIO DYING, ROMEO THEN KILLING TYBALT). OFTEN THESE MOMENTS SURPRISING. THEY DEEPLY AFFECT NOT ONLY THE SERIOUSNESS OF MAIN CONFLICT, BUT EVEN ALTER THE ACTUAL DIRECTION OF IT. THIS THE SORT OF THING ALLUDED TO IN THE “RISE IN CONFLICT” STATEMENT, BUT YOU KNOW, WAY MORE SPECIFIC. THE 3RD ACT SUCH GREAT OPPORTUNITY IN STORYTELLING AND SHAKESPEARE’S 3RD ACTS OFTEN THINGS OF BEAUTY: GREAT INVERSIONS. BEST INTENTIONS GONE AWRY. DEATHS! LOSS! CONFUSION! SUDDEN CHAOS! THE MOST IMPORTANT THING THAT EVEN THOUGH THESE THIS 3RD ACTS DON’T FINISH THE ARC OF THE STORY, THEY STILL CLIMAX-WORTHY IN SCALE, AND NOT JUST “HEY, LET’S PUT AN ACTION SCENE HERE!
BUT THE REAL KEY WITH THE THIRD ACT TO MAKE THE “TURNING POINT” ONE THAT DEEPLY AFFECTING AND TO CHANGE THE ARC OF THE STORY. IT SOMETHING FAR MORE IMPORTANT THEN JUST “PUTTING THINGS IN PLACE FOR CLIMAX”. SPEAKING OF WHICH…
THE 4TH ACT THEN “THE SPIRAL” AND IT ACTUALLY FULL OF DECISIONS THAT CAUSE CHARACTERS SINK TOWARD THE REAL CLIMAX (I.E. ROMEO AND JULIET DECIDE GO ON THE LAMB, HATCH PLAN TO FAKE DEATHS, ETC). IN TRUTH THIS THE POINT WHERE YOU REALLY ARRANGING AND SETTING UP THE CLIMAX, BUT IN THAT GOAL IT IMPORTANT REMEMBER THAT STAYING TRUE TO CHARACTER ARCS. IT REALLY THE BEST PLACE TO EXPOSE THE DEEP CHARACTER FLAWS THAT WILL EITHER BRING DOWN HERO OR ALLOW THEM SUCCEED. (MEANWHILE, THE THIRD ACT TURNING POINT CAN SOMETIMES ALLOW FOR MAIN CHARACTER ACTING OUT OF CHARACTER. IT A NEAT LITTLE DISTINCTION). THE 4TH ACT ALSO GREAT OPPORTUNITY FOR QUIET MOMENTS OF REFLECTION BEFORE THE FINALE, BUT IT CAN NO JUST BE ALL REFLECTION AND PAUSING (COUGH COUGH GREEN LANTERN). AGAIN, THAT “FULL OF DECISIONS” ASPECT NEED BE THERE. THE PACE SHOULD QUICKEN. THINGS SHOULD FEEL LIKE THEY FALLING OUT OF CONTROL. IT THE SPIRAL.
AND THE 5TH ACT WHERE AUDIENCE GET THE CLIMAX/RESOLUTIONS/WEDDINGS/TRAGEDY/FALLOUT/ETC. (I.E. ROMEO AND JULIET KILL SELVES, FAMILY HEARTBROKEN AND DECLARE PEACE). (4) THE MOST IMPORTANT THING REMEMBER THAT IT NO JUST “WRAPPING THINGS UP” BUT THE ENCAPSULATION OF THE STORY AND SHOULD EXHIBIT ALL THE POINTS ONE TRYING MAKE IN MOVIE. THE CLIMAX AND RESOLUTION = THE GOAL OF YOUR MOVIE. IT SHOULD BE THE SUMMATION OF EVERYTHING YOU WRITTEN SO FAR. IT SHOULD NO BE FREAKIN’ AFTERTHOUGHT.
AGAIN, THIS 5 ACT STRUCTURE THING JUST AN EXAMPLE. CAN DO WHATEVER YOU THINK BEST. LIKE THE 9 ACTS IN MALCOLM X. BUT IF LOOKING FOR TOOL TO HELP STRUCTURE YOUR STORY THEN, WELL, ONE COULD DO A LOT WORSE THAN SHAKESPEARE. NO MATTER WHAT THE STORY: TRAGEDY, COMEDY, OR HISTORY, HE USED THIS SPECIFIC 5 ACT STRUCTURE EVERY TIME. THE INTRO, THE CONCEIT, THE TURN, THE SPIRAL, THE CLIMAX. HE GET HEAPED WITH PRAISE OVER MASTERY OF LANGUAGE AND THE DEEP RESONANCE OF THEMATICS, SOME EVEN CREDIT HIM AS THE FATHER OF PSYCHOLOGY, BUT HE JUST SO FUCKING BRILLIANT AT STORY STRUCTURE TO BOOT… IT SORT OF UNFAIR. AND HULK KNOW IT MAY SEEM LAME BRING UP SUCH AN OBVIOUS CHOICE AS “BEST WRITER EVER” BUT, WELL, HE WAS.
SO NOW THEN.
HULK WANT YOU GO BACK TO TRADITIONAL DEFINITION OF 3 ACT STRUCTURE FOR SECOND. YOU MAY NOTICE SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT WHEN COMPARING IT TO SHAKESPEARE’S MODEL. THE WAY THE SECOND ACT DESCRIBED IN 3 ACT STRUCTURE = THE SAME WAY ACT 4 DEFINED IN SHAKESPEARE’S MODEL. HIS “SPIRAL” REALLY SIMILAR TO THE “RISE IN CONFLICT.”
HULK ARGUE THIS SO FUCKING TELLING IT NOT EVEN FUNNY.
IT MEAN THAT THIS LITTLE WAY SHAKESPEARE ESCALATING THE STAKES AND POSITIONING THE ENDGAME = THE SAME EXACT WAY HOLLYWOOD SCREENWRITERS HANDLE THE ENTIRE MIDDLE PARTS OF THEIR GODDAMN MOVIE.
NO WONDER THEY AIMLESS AND BORING.
FOR ONE, IT NO MISTAKE THAT SHAKESPEARE’S ACT 4 ALWAYS THE SHORTEST, LEAST INTERESTING, AND LEAST COMPELLING OF EVERY SINGLE ONE HIS PLAYS. SO IMAGINE TRYING FIT THAT SAME STORY TELLING LOGIC INTO THE 30-60 SUM ODD PAGES THAT MAKE UP SECOND ACTS? IT MEAN THEY CHARACTERS JUST WAITING AROUND. IT MEAN THE WRITERS JUST TRYING COME UP WITH DISTRACTIONS AND B.S. CONFLICTS THAT NO HAVE DO WITH THE POINT OR AFFECTING THE ARC OF STORY. IT MEAN THAT WRITERS END UP CRAMMING TOO MUCH GOOD STUFF IN “FIRST ACT” TO TRY AND ESTABLISH ALL NEEDED DETAILS WHEN REALLY THEY MISSING GREAT OPPORTUNITY FOR DEVELOPING A STORY AT ORGANIC PACE.(5)
SO MAYBE SHAKESPEARE NOT YOUR THING. YOU MAY ASK “HULK, HOW THIS 5 ACT WORK WITH POPULAR MOVIE GOING? I NO REMEMBER SEEING FIVE ACT MOVIE BE BIG HIT.”
THIS WHERE HULK POLITELY REQUEST YOU LOOK AT HOST OF EXAMPLES. HECK, LOOK HULK’S OLD BUDDY/GREAT MOVIE IRON MAN, WHICH HAVE EXCEPTIONAL STORY STRUCTURE. THE ONE THING EVERYONE SEEMED LOVE THAT IT SPENT SO LONG BEFORE TONY ACTUALLY BECOME “IRON MAN” SO THEY GET EXPERIENCE ALL THE GREAT CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT TO GET THERE. EVERYONE LAUDED THE FUN SENSE OF ADVENTURE THAT CAME FROM HIM ACTUALLY BUILDING THE SUIT. IT NEVER RUSHED GETTING TO “THE ACTION” THAT CAUSE THE STORYTELLING = THE ACTION. BUT THIS BIG BUDGET MOVIE!!! HOW THIS HAPPEN? GOOD STRUCTURE THAT’S HOW. GUESS HOW MANY ACTS THE MOVIE HAVE?
YUP. FIVE.
NO BELIEVE HULK?
ACT ONE – INTRO + STATE OF PRE-EXISTING CONFLICT – WE GET SEE TONY AS PLAYBOY AND THE EXTERNAL MORAL CONFLICT OF SUPPLYING WEAPONS.
TWO – THE CONCEIT AND PUTTING AT ODDS WITH PRE-EXISTING CONFLICT – TONY CAPTURED AND PUT IN TERRORIST CAMP. DISCOVERS REALITY ABOUT HIS WEAPONS BUILDING AND LIFE THREATENED. BUILDS PROTOTYPE SUIT AND ESCAPES.
THREE – THE TURNING POINT – TONY NOW BACK AT HOME, HE MAKES MORAL DECISION SHUTS DOWN WEAPONS OPS CHANGE DIRECTION OF HIS LIFE. TONY DECIDES TO CONTINUE ON PATH AND BUILD NEW SUIT. OBADIAH REVEALED AS BAD GUY BEHIND TONY’S KIDNAPPING. TONY GOES LIVE W/ SUIT.
FOUR – THE SPIRAL/ESCALATION OF CONFLICT – TONY CONTINUES USE THE SUIT OUT IN REAL WAR CONFLICT AND HAS “HERO TRIALS” SO TO SPEAK, ADMITS TRUTH TO RHODES, GETS SIDELINED BY OBIDIAH, NOW IN GRIM CIRCUMSTANCE. NOTICE THAT THESE DEVELOPMENTS FEEL MORE OF THE ACTION-Y WHEEL-SPINNING ACTIVITIES THAT REEK OF STANDARD ACT 2 DEVELOPMENTS ONE SEES IN 3 ACT STRUCTURE. BUT IN THIS MOVIE? BECAUSE IT COME AFTER THE AWESOME SUIT-BUILDING TURN OF ACT 3, IT FEEL FRESH AND EXCITING TO NOW SEE IRON MAN IN ACTION. AND IT GO ON FOR PERFECT SHORTER LENGTH OF TIME BEFORE MOVING TO INEVITABLE FINALE.
FIVE- = CLIMAX/CONCLUSION/RESOLUTION – TONY’S CONFLICT WITH OBIDIAH COMES TO CONCLUSION BOTH PERSONALLY AND AS, YOU KNOW, BIG IRON MEN FIGHTING IN DEATH SUITS. THE IMPORTANT PART THAT ALL THE PLOTS ALL COME TOGETHER EVEN THOUGH THE ACTION FELT UNDERWHELMING. HULK ACTUALLY FIND THAT PART KINDA NEAT AS IT MEANT “THE ACTION” = THE LEAST INTERESTING PART OF BIG SUMMER BLOCKBUSTER. THAT AN ACHIEVEMENT.
SOME OF YOU MAY ARGUE THERE LOTS OTHER POSSIBLE ACT BREAKS IN IRON MAN. THAT THAT ABSOLUTELY TRUE. GREAT WRITING FILLED WITH “MICRO-ACTS” WHICH HELP PROPEL EVERY SCENE FORWARD. THERE REALLY MANY DIFFERENT STORIES: TONY’S ARC WITH PEPPER HAVE IT OWN ACT BREAKS. TONY’S RELATIONSHIP WITH OBIDIAH HAVE ITS OWN BREAKS. IT WHAT MAKE A STORY FEEL PROPULSIVE + ORGANIC. AFTER ALL, EVERY SCENE SHOULD HAVE REAL GOAL AND OBJECTIVE TO IT. SO GOING BACK TO THE POINT AT HAND, LABELING ALL THAT GREAT CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT AND DECISION-MAKING IN THE MIDDLE OF MOVIE AS JUST “RISE IN CONFLICT” = FUCKING ASININE.
AND IT NOT JUST SHAKESPEARE AND IRON MAN FOLKS. HULK FIND MOST TRADITIONAL NARRATIVES (AT LEAST THE WELL TOLD ONES) HAVE ABOUT 5-6 ACTS. IT JUST A GREAT MODEL FOR TRADITIONAL STORYTELLING. NOTICE THAT ALL ONE HOUR TV DRAMAS ALL SEGMENTED INTO 5 ACTS? YES IT FOR COMMERCIAL BREAKS, BUT THIS MAGIC NUMBER NO REAL ACCIDENT AND IT REALLY HELP MAKE TV SHOWS PROPULSIVE. AGAIN, LIKE ANYTHING, YOU MORE THAN ALLOWED TO BREAK AWAY FROM THIS MODEL, BUT YOU BE SURPRISED HOW MANY NON-TRADITIONAL NARRATIVES UTILIZE 5-6 ACTS.
PEOPLE LOOOOOOOOVE TALK ABOUT QUENTIN TARANTINO’S NON-LINEAR STORYTELLING AS COUNTER EXAMPLE TO “ACT-BASED” STORYTELLING. PARTICULARLY WITH PULP FICTION. BUT GUESS WHAT? THAT MOVIE EXACTLY 5 ACTS (PLUS LITTLE VIGNETTES). RESERVOIR DOGS? 5 ACTS. BOTH KILL BILLS? EACH ONE HAS 5 ACTS. INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS? 5 ACTS. YOU SENSE THEME?
HULK JUST CAN NO EMPHASIZE THIS ENOUGH.
A STORY A MULTIFACETED THING. IF YOU WANTING TO STRUCTURE YOUR STORY, REMEMBER TO HAVE BOTH ACT STRUCTURE FOR THE MAIN PLOT AND ACT STRUCTURE FOR THE EACH OF YOUR CHARACTERS PERSONALITY DEVELOPMENTS. BY HAVING ALL THESE VARYING STRUCTURES, EACH WITH THEIR OWN BEATS, IT CREATE A CONSTANT SENSE OF “MOVING FORWARD” FOR MOVIE. THAT WHY THEY CALL IT “DEVELOPMENT” AND IT THE KEY TO BRINGING YOUR AUDIENCE ALONG FOR JOURNEY.
PERHAPS YOU THINK HULK BEING TOO HARD ON 3 ACT STRUCTURE. THAT PERHAPS HULK SIMPLIFYING IT IN EFFORT TO TEAR IT DOWN.
FINE.
READ THIS “SUMMARY” OF 3 ACT STRUCTURE AND ENJOY THE BIGGEST EXAMPLE OF MISSING THE FUCKING POINT IN HISTORY:
http://www.lavideofilmmaker.com/filmmaking/screenplay-tips-three-act-structure.html
… WOW. HULK MEAN… WOW. THIS GIVEN AS ACTUAL ADVICE. AND WHAT ABOUT THAT AMAZING PART WHERE HE TAKE ACT 2-4 OF SHAKESPEARE’S WRITING AND ESTABLISH IT AS HIS “ACT 2” WHICH NOT ONLY HILARIOUS IN ITS OVER-SIMPLIFICATION BUT IT ACTUALLY IGNORE 3 ACT STRUCTURE RULES BECAUSE THE CONCEIT INTRODUCED IN SECOND ACT NOT END OF FIRST. THE WHOLE THING LAUGHABLE.
PLEASE. IF YOU WRITING SCREENPLAY. HULK TELLING YOU. THE 3 ACT STRUCTURE = GARBAGE.
STOP CITING IT IN ARTICLES.
STOP TALKING ABOUT IT WITH FRIENDS.
IT WILL NOT HELP YOU.
IT CAN ONLY HURT YOU.
STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ANYONE WHO EVEN CLAIM IT EXIST. IF THEY SAY IT DO. SAY “OR COURSE SHIT HAS BEGINNING, MIDDLE, AND ENDING YOU INSUFFERABLE TURD” THEN THROW A DRINK IN THEIR FACE AND RUN AWAY…
… OKAY, MAYBE HULK GETTING CARRIED AWAY. PERHAPS ALL THIS ADVICE USELESS.
AFTER ALL, IT PARTICULARLY TELLING OF HOLLYWOOD THAT THEY EVEN FAIL AT THE BASICS OF THIS SUPPOSED 3 ACT STRUCTURE. BECAUSE SO MANY MOVIES GREEN-LIT ON JUST A “PITCH” AND SOME STARS ATTACHED, YOU BASICALLY HAVE MOVIES BEING MADE THAT HAVE ONLY FIGURED OUT THE CONCEIT, MEANING THEY ONLY KNOW THE FIRST ACT… AND THAT FUCKING IT. THE ENDINGS OF THESE BARELY ESTABLISHED CONCEITS UNIFORMLY TEND BE TERRIBLE. IT BECAUSE THE WRITERS JUST KEEP WRITING IN STRAIGHT LINE FROM THEIR STARTING POINT, PURSUING THE FALLOUT TIL THEY JUST RUN OUT OF STEAM. YOU BE STUNNED BY AMOUNT WRITERS THAT NO PLAN OUT MOVIE AND JUST SORT OF WRITING STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS. AND YES, THERE SOME GENIUSES WHO GET AWAY WITH WRITING LIKE THAT BUT TRUTH IS, THOSE GENIUSES HAVE INHERENT UNDERSTANDING OF PACING, DEVELOPMENT, CHARACTERIZATION, AND PROPULSION SO IT FLOWING OUT NATURALLY TO THEM.
IT REALLY INCONCEIVABLE TO HULK THAT FOLKS CAN START MAKING MOVIE WITHOUT TRULY “KNOWING” THE ENDING. IF YOU WANT BE WRITER, ALWAYS KNOW YOUR ENDING. HECK, YOUR ENDING SHOULD BE IT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING YOU DOING. TO REITERATE, NO ONE EVER SEEM REALIZE THAT THE ENDING IS THE CONCEIT. IT LITERALLY THE COMPLETE SUMMATION OF WHAT YOU FUCKING TRYING TO SAY.
TO SUMMARIZE THIS INSANE RANT:
THE AMOUNT OF ACTS MOVIE SHOULD BE DEPENDENT ON STORY WANT TO TELL. EACH ACT SHOULD REACH THIS MOVING FORWARD POINT IN ORGANIC, EARNED WAY. AND TOTAL NUMBER DEPENDENT ON HOW MUCH TRYING ACCOMPLISH WITH STORY. MORE IMPORTANTLY, THEY SHOULD ALL TIE TOGETHER IN COHERENT WAY. AND THEN, ULTIMATELY, IT SHOULD TRY BE DONE WITH BEST ECONOMY POSSIBLE WITHOUT LOSING ANYTHING CRITICAL OR AFFECTING THE ORGANIC QUALITY.
HULK LOVE BRINGING UP THE ORIGINAL KUNG FU PANDA ALL THE TIME, NOT BECAUSE IT GREAT MOVIE, BUT BECAUSE IT KNOW PERFECTLY HOW TO INTEGRATE SIMPLE STORIES INTO COHERENT AND ECONOMIC NARRATIVE. IT SO TRUE TO THE BASICS AND YET COMPLETELY EFFECTIVE. IT STORYTELLING 101.(6)
HULK KNOW, HULK KNOW. HULK REFERENCE STORYTELLING 101 ALL FREAKING TIME. IT SORT OF BECOMING HULK’S MANTRA. BUT IT STUNNING HOW OFTEN PEOPLE FORGET THE MOST BASIC TENANTS.
AGAIN, HULK’S EMPHASIS ON STORYTELLING 101 NOT A HOW-TO-GUIDE OF STRINGENT RULES, IT MERELY A TOOL HELP MAKE WHAT YOU WANT DO MORE FOCUSED. BECAUSE IN ORDER INVERT RULES, ONE MUST UNDERSTAND THE RULES IN FIRST PLACE. HULK HEARD THIS ALL TIME IN WRITING CLASSES AND THE REBELLIOUS MINDED YOUTH TEND PAY IT NO HEED. BUT IT NOT UNTIL MUCH LATER IN LIFE, AFTER LOGGING ABOUT 1000-2000 HOURS OF SCREENWRITING THAT HULK REALLY “GOT IT” SO TO SPEAK.(7)
NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE, STORYTELLING LARGELY ABOUT PROBLEM SOLVING. ONE CAN ALWAYS COME UP WITH GREAT IDEAS THAT MOTIVATE AND EXCITE, BUT THE OTHER HALF THAT EQUATION FIGURING OUT HOW MAKE TRANSLATE TO FULLY FORMED REALITY. HOW MAKE A MOVIE THAT TRUE TO THAT CONCIET? ONE THAT WORK ON EVERY LEVEL? ULTIMATELY, THE WRITER ASK HOW MAKE THIS SCENE WORK? HOW ESTABLISH WHAT WANT SAY?
IT PROBLEM SOLVING.
AND TAKE HULK’S ADVICE. THE 3 ACT STRUCTURE NO HELP YOU PROBLEM SOLVE.
ENDNOTES:
(1) YES, EVEN WITH “CHASE MOVIES” THE SIMPLE ACT OF “IT THE BAD GUYS! RUN!” WORK IN TERMS OF CHANGING THE SITUATION REALITY, BUT IT OFTEN BECOME SO DULL AND REPETITIVE THAT MORE INTERESTING THINGS HAVE BE GOING ON/DEFINING THE SITUATION. THIS THE CHIEF REASON MICHAL BAY MOVIES NO WORK. IT ONLY THE CHASE. SURE, HE SOMETIMES ABLE TO MASK THIS MACGUFFIN/SET-PIECE-JUMPING WITH DISTRACTING VISUALS OR ATTEMPTS AT QUASI-RACIST COMEDY, BUT THE CHASE ALWAYS BECOME BORING. THERE NO ACTUAL INTRIGUE.*
*OKAY MR. HULK THERE A CHASE MOVIE THAT JUST ALL PLOT BUT STILL WORK?” YES. IT CALLED THE FRENCH CONNECTION. THAT MOVIE KICKS 100% ASS BECAUSE IT WORK OFF PURE INTRIGUE AND TWO LIKABLE CHARACTERS/ACTORS YOU FOLLOW DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE. IT PERFECT. ALSO FX’S “THE SHIELD” KNEW HOW DEAL CREATE A STREAM OF SHIFTING NARRATIVE INTRIGUE ACROSS 6 SEASONS. IT CAN BE DONE.**
**MEANWHILE, JJ ABRAMS ONLY SEEM KNOW HOW PRESENT THE MOST APPETIZING INTRIGUE EVER, BUT THEN HE NOT KNOW HOW DELVE INTO IT… WHATSOEVER. EVERYONE ALWAYS DEMAND “ANSWERS” OF JJ’S WORK, BUT REALLY THEY JUST WANT CATHARSIS. OR HECK EVEN DEVELOPMENTS WILL DO… YOU KNOW WHAT? FUCK IF THEY DON’T JUST WANT STORYTELLING… THE MYSTERY ONLY GO SO FAR.
(2) SORRY FOLKS, IT NOT HULK’S FAVORITE PLAY, BUT IT BEST KNOWN. SO IT HELPS WHEN TRYING EXPLAIN.
(3) AND NOW, HULK HAVE A HELPFUL TOOL FOR YOU! SOMETIMES THERE EXPRESSION USED IN SCREENWRITING CALLED “PAGE 17” WHICH MEAN THAT BY PAGE 17 THE AUDIENCE SHOULD NOW HAVE IDEA WHERE THE FILM GOING. IT SOUND DUMB AND IT CERTAINLY NOT HARD OR FAST RULE, BUT YOU BE STUNNED BY NUMBER OF SCRIPTS THAT HIT THE CONCEIT OF THEIR MOVIE EXACTLY ON PAGE 17. IT JUST SORT OF GOOD PLACE TO AIM BECAUSE IT GIVE ENOUGH ROOM BOTH ESTABLISH THE WORLD AND THEN BE ON WAY. NOT ALWAYS, BUT GENERALLY IF YOU WAITING TIL PAGE 30 TO GET TO FREAKING CONCEIT YOU WAITED TO LONG. ANYCRAP. AIM FOR PAGE 17-ISH.
(4) HULK JUST WANT MENTION THAT ROMEO AND JULIET MIGHT BE MOST MISUNDERSTOOD PLAY IN HISTORY. YES, SHAKESPEARE CRITICIZING OVERZEALOUS AND DOMINEERING PARENTAGE (AND RACISM BY PROXY) AND EVEN THOUGH HE UNDERSTANDING OF YOUNG LOVE AND ALL THAT, SHAKESPEARE ALSO CLEARLY EXPRESSING THAT ROMEO AND JULIET WERE DUMBASS BRATS WHO TOOK THEMSELVES WAY, WAY, WAY TOO SERIOUSLY. THEY WEREN’T IN LOVE. THEY WERE INFATUATED. THE PLAY ABOUT THE PRATFALLS OF INFATUATION. THERE. HULK SAID IT*
*OOOOOH, AND RANDOM NOTE ON SHAKESPEARE: HULK TALKED ABOUT CHARACTERS HAVING MAKE DECISIONS. WELL HAMLET A PLAY THAT LITERALLY ABOUT INDECISIVE CHARACTER. THE KEY THAT IT STILL HAVE TONS NARRATIVE STEAM AS IT DEAL WITH OTHER ASPECTS OF HIS CHARACTER AND EXPLORE THE EFFECTS OF HIS MIS-STEPS ON ACCOUNT OF SAID INDECISIVENESS. AND IT MAYBE BEST PLAY EVER. MOVING ON!
(5) LET HULK EVEN THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX HERE. SO MANY MOVIES SO CAREFUL TO TELL EVERYTHING ABOUT CHARACTERS RIGHT UP FRONT SO YOU KNOW EVERYTHING RIGHT AWAY. HULK THINK THIS MISTAKE. THINK ABOUT IT. IF A CHARACTER REVEAL AND “TWIST” WORK SAME WAY IN TERMS OF PROVIDING NEW INFORMATION TO AUDIENCE, WHY NO TAKE LONGER REVEAL SOME GOOD INFORMATION AND MAKE SECOND ACTS MORE INTERESTING? ATTACK THE BLOCK GREAT EXAMPLE OF MOVIE THAT TAKE LONGER TIME REVEALING THE CHARACTERS AND PROVIDING INTRIGUE WHILE THE A PLOT DEVELOPED AROUND THEM. SO HULK ASK, WHY NOT INTRODUCE A CHARACTER OVER LONGER PERIOD OF TIME? HULK RECENTLY ESPOUSE THE INCREDIBLE MERITS OF HAPPY-GO-LUCKY BECAUSE IT GRADUALLY REVEAL THE MORE DIMENSIONS OF ITS MAIN CHARACTER OVER ENTIRE COURSE OF MOVIE. AND NOT TO BEAT DEAD HORSE, BUT GOING BACK TO GREEN LANTERN THAT MOVIE SO QUICK TO HURRY UP AND ESTABLISH ALL THE ASPECTS OF HAL JORDAN THAT PERTINENT BEFORE HE GET RING THAT THERE LITERALLY NOTHING TO SAY ABOUT HIM AFTER HE GET IT. AND HEY REMEMBER THE FAMILY THEY INTRODUCED AT THE BEGINNING THAT NEVER SHOW UP IN REST OF MOVIE? UGH.
(6) TO ILLUSTRATE FURTHER, HULK GOING COMPARE IT TO AVATAR, WHICH ALSO HIGHLY AWARE OF ALL IT’S STRUCTURAL BEATS. YET KUNG FU PANDA ACTUAL KNOW HOW INVEST SENSE OF EMOTION AND MAKE THE STORY FEEL BOTH REAL AND INTEGRATED TO ALL THE CHARACTERS AT HAND. YES, THEY BOTH SIMPLE APPROACHES TO STORY. BUT KUNG FU PANDA USED THAT SIMPLICITY TO ACHIEVE A COHESIVE NARRATIVE, WHILE AVATAR WAS PAINT-BY-NUMBERS. ANYCRAP…
(7) IT BRING UP INTERESTING DILEMMA WITH REGARD FILM CRITICS. THE SCREENWRITER SEEM LOVE LAMBAST THE CRITIC AS KNOW-NOTHING-WANNABE. THIS STRIKE HULK AS MISGUIDED AND GROSS MISUNDERSTANDING OF THE ROLE OF CRITICS. THEIR JOB, IN THIS ERA ESPECIALLY, TO FOSTER AND ENGAGE IN A DIALOGUE WITH CONSUMERS. AND TO DISMISS THE CRITIC’S REACTION = TO INDIRECTLY INSINUATE CONSUMER HAVE NO VALUE EITHER. WHICH A BIG, BIG PROBLEM. BUT, ON OTHER END OF SPECTRUM THEY DO HAVE POINT. WRITING A COHESIVE NARRATIVE AN EXTREMELY DIFFICULT TASK AND UNLESS HAVE REAL FAMILIARITY WITH THE PRACTICE ITSELF, NOT JUST THE END RESULTS, IT EASY TO NOT UNDERSTAND HOW THE PROBLEMS ONE ENCOUNTERS MANIFEST ON SCREEN. THERE A MILLION WAYS A GOOD SCRIPT CAN BE MASSACRED BY FINAL PRODUCT OR WAYS A CRAPPY SCRIPT CAN BE ELEVATED TO SOMETHING MORE FUNCTIONAL, BUT ALL OF THAT COMPLICATION CAN BE OBSCURED WHEN VIEWING THE FINAL PRODUCT. WHAT CRITICS MISS MOST OF ALL = THAT WRITERS OFTEN ACUTELY AWARE OF THEIR OWN WORK’S FAILINGS. BUT THEY WENT WITH THEIR CHOICE BECAUSE THEY FELT IT MAY HAVE ACHIEVED A LARGER GOAL, OR IT WOULD COME OFF DIFFERENTLY, OR SIMPLY BECAUSE SOMEONE ELSE DID SOMETHING DIFFERENT AND THEY HAD NO CHOICE. WRITING LARGELY A GAME OF “WHAT LOSES HERE?” IN ORDER CONCENTRATE ON A, B, AND C, SOMETIMES D FALLS BY WAYSIDE. AND THERE ALWAYS SOMEONE IN AUDIENCE WHO CARE ABOUT D. ULTIMATELY, THE BEST FILMS NAVIGATE THIS DIFFICULT PATH SEAMLESSLY. THEY PICK THE RIGHT THINGS FOCUS ON AND KEEP EVERYTHING BALANCED WITH TONE… AND IT ABSURDLY DIFFICULT.
(PLEASE NOTE: THE ACTUAL INTERESTING PART OF THIS ARTICLE ABOUT HALFWAY THROUGH. THE BEGINNING MORE SUMMARY SO BEAR WITH IT)
“RYAN DUNN, THE GUY FROM JACKASS, HE DIED IN CAR CRASH.”
THIS HOW HULK FIRST HEARD.
AND AT FIRST, EVERYONE SAD. HULK UNDERSTAND WHY. FOR ALL THEIR HOOLIGANISM, THE JACKASS CREW MAINTAINED ODD SENSE OF GENUINE LIKABILITY AS WELL AS STRIKING PENCHANT FOR TAPPING INTO THE UN-SANCTIMONIOUS TEEN ID. WHILE THEIR ENTERPRISE NOT SOMETHING HULK OUTRIGHT LOVE OR EVEN REALLY IDENTIFY WITH, HULK CERTAINLY FOUND ENJOYMENT IN THEIR OUT-OF-CONTROL THEATRICS. AND FOR WHAT LITTLE IT WORTH, HULK ACTUALLY MET DUNN ONE TIME AND HE SEEM LIKE GENUINELY NICE GUY.
FINE.
IT LATER CONFIRMED, AFTER SOME PREVIOUS SUSPICION, THAT RYAN DUNN DRIVING AT 140 MPH AND HAD WELL OVER TWICE THE LEGAL BLOOD ALCOHOL LIMIT. NATURALLY, THERE VARIOUS LEVELS OF MORAL INDIGNATION THAT FOLLOWED, INCLUDING ROGER EBERT’S NOW INFAMOUS TWEET: “Friends don’t let jackasses drink and drive.”
IF HULK BE HONEST, THE MORAL INDIGNATION AT DRUNK DRIVING = BOTH TOTALLY OBVIOUS AND YET STILL COMPLETELY JUSTIFIED. DRINKING AND DRIVING ONE OF THE MOST-BULLSHIT SOCIAL ALLOWANCES IN EXISTENCE. SURE, HULK RECOGNIZE THAT IT HAPPEN ALL TIME AND THAT BECAUSE IT VERY NATURAL RESULT OF HUMAN PSYCHOLOGY. HULK KNOW THAT DRUNK DRIVING WILL HAPPEN AGAIN AND AGAIN. AND HULK KNOW IT CAN HAPPEN TO ANYONE AND IT NOT INDICATIVE OF SOMEONE BEING “BAD PERSON. IT JUST TOO EASY TO BE ANYTHING LIKE THAT.
BUT JUST BECAUSE IT FAIRLY COMMON INCLINATION, THAT NO MEAN IT SOMETHING THAT DESERVE THE DIGNITY OF BEING CALLED TRAGEDY.
NOPE. DRUNK DRIVING JUST GOOD OLD FASHIONED INSANELY-STUPID BEHAVIOR. IT DESERVE BE REGARDED AS NOTHING MORE THAN SHAMEFUL, PLAIN AND SIMPLE.
ASK ANYONE WHO EVER LOST SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO THEM TO A DRUNK DRIVER… ASK HULK.
AND YET, EVEN UNDER THE SUSPICIOUS CIRCUMSTANCES, EVEN WITH VAST AMOUNT OF EVIDENCE SHOWCASING THAT THIS NOT ONE-TIME BEHAVIOR FOR DUNN AS HE BEEN RECKLESS/DRUNK DRIVER BEFORE, A SURPRISING AMOUNT OF MODERN MEDIA OUTLETS (TMZ, GOSSIP SITES, MOVIE SITES, ETC) STILL SEEM WEIRDLY INCLINED TO MEMORIALIZE AND CANONIZE THIS SOMEONE WHO, QUITE FRANKLY, NOT DESERVE IT WHATSOEVER.
IT STRANGE REALLY.
THE MEDIA USUALLY CAN NO WAIT TEAR DOWN CELEBRITIES FOR DESTRUCTIVE BEHAVIOR. SO WHY TMZ CAMERA MEN SUDDENLY SHOWING RESPECT TO JACKASS GANG AND RYAN DUNN? HECK, DUNN NOT EVEN REALLY ONE OF PROMINENT MEMBERS. HULK KNOW THE INESCAPABLE TRUTH THAT OTHERS TEND BE MORE FORGIVING WHEN SOMEONE ACTUALLY DIE, BUT THERE SOMETHING MORE TO THIS. HULK WAGER IT HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH JACKASSES A-TRADITIONAL CELEBRITY ROLE. UNLIKE SELF-SERIOUS MOVIE STARS, THE JACKASS GANG = OUTSIDERS. THEY SORT OF INDICATIVE OF WHERE PUNK ROCK ANTI-ESTABLISHMENT ATTITUDE WENT ONCE IT LEFT THE ACTUAL MUSIC. AND HULK GUESS THERE SOME SORT OF STRANGE KINSHIP CREATED WITH THESE A-TRADITIONAL MEDIA FOLKS. BOTH SEEM TAKE PRIDE IN THEIR NON-SELF-SERIOUS ATTITUDES TOWARD LIFE AND THEIR ABHORRENCE OF TRADITIONAL CELEBRITY CULTURE. MAYBE IT MORE ETHEREAL THAN THAT… A PAPARAZZI WALKING UP TO GEORGE CLOONEY TO BE APOLOGETIC OVER A FRIEND’S DEATH SEEMS INVASIVE AND INAPPROPRIATE. THE SAME PAPARAZZI GOING UP TO JOHNNY KNOXVILLE SOMEHOW SEEMS “RIGHT.”
BUT THIS UNDESERVING CANONIZING OF RYAN DUNN MAKE HULK RATHER ANGRY + SMASHY… AT ONE POINT, HULK EVEN DEBATED PUTTING UP THE FOLLOWING MEAN-AS-HELL JOKE ON TWITTER:
GUESS WHAT? RYAN DUNN DIED AS HE LIVED: WITH A CAR SHOVED UP HIS ASS #FORANYONEWHOLOSTSOMEONETODRUNKDRIVINGASSHOLE
… HULK REALLY DEBATED IT. HULK WOULD PROBABLY GET PASS DUE TO PERSONAL NATURE OF TOPIC. BUT THAT NOT REASON DO SOMETHING. BETTER YET, IT ULTIMATELY JUST NOT SOMETHING HULK WANT SAY. IT BANAL. IT MEAN. IT NOT MEASURED. PLUS IT SORT OF HAVE THIS WEIRD GAY PANIC ELEMENT TO IT THAT SO NOT HULK.
BASICALLY, IT JUST NOT SOMETHING AN ADULT SAY.
HULK ALREADY MENTIONED THAT IT JUST SO FUCKING EASY TO DO DRINK AND DRIVE, BUT THE TRUTH THAT IT JUST AS EASY BE PATRONIZING ABOUT SOMETHING SO OBVIOUSLY WRONG. SO HULK NOT GOING TO PRETEND THAT BECAUSE HULK SO TERRIFIED OF DRUNK DRIVING THAT THIS BEHAVIOR MAKE HULK ANY BETTER.(1) BASICALLY, THERE NOTHING INTERESTING ABOUT THE ARGUMENT SO WHY WRITE ABOUT IT OTHER THAN TO SING THE PRAISES OF AN UNDESERVING DRUNK DRIVER, OR TO BASICALLY GO OTHER WAY AND PROVIDE NOTHING OTHER THAN A PSA?(2)
NO, THE REASON TO WRITE ABOUT RYAN DUNN BECAUSE THERE FAR MORE INTERESTING THING GOING ON:
AS TMZ SWARMED ALL OVER THE JACKASS CREW, THEIR REACTIONS WERE FASCINATING TO HULK. ONLY THE BODY LANGUAGE OF JOHNNY KNOXVILLE (WHO 40 YEARS OLD BY THE WAY) SEEMED HAVE APPROXIMATE SENSE OF PERSPECTIVE ABOUT THE WHOLE ISSUE AND THIS BASED ON LITTLE EVIDENCE, QUITE FRANKLY. AS FOR THE REST OF THE GANG?
WELL, THEY EXTREMELY DISTRAUGHT TO SAY LEAST. WEE MAN MEMORIALIZED DUNN WITH A “RANDOM HERO!” TATTOO. AND BAM SEEM BE TAKING THE POSITION OF FOCAL POINT AFTER HAVING COUPLE OF ON-CAMERA BREAKDOWNS. AND THEN THERE HIS TWO TWITTER RESPONSES TO EBERT’S COMMENT ABOUT DRUNK DRIVING:
“I just lost my best friend, I have been crying hysterical for a full day and piece of shit roger ebert has the gall to put in his 2 cents”
“About a jackass drunk driving and his is one, fuck you! Millions of people are crying right now, shut your fat fucking mouth!”
NOT EXACTLY A DIGNIFIED RESPONSE. HECK, THE FIRST THING BAM MAY REALIZE THAT EBERT CAN NO SHUT HIS FAT FUCKING MOUTH BECAUSE HE NO LONGER HAS A JAW BONE. IT WAS TAKEN FROM HIM BY CANCER AND HE CAN NO EVEN TALK. THE SECOND THING BAM MAY REALIZE THAT EBERT JUST SPEAKING OUT ON DANGERS OF DRUNK DRIVING AND NOT CALLING FOR MOCKERY OF DUNN. THE THIRD THING BAM MAY REALIZE THAT IT DOUBTFUL THAT “MILLIONS” PEOPLE CRIED. NOT BE A DICK, BUT COME ON, HAVE SOME SENSE OF AWARENESS.
THE FOURTH AND MOST IMPORTANT THING THAT BAM MAY REALIZE THAT THESE ALL THE EMOTIONAL REACTION OF A POORLY-ADJUSTED HIGH SCHOOL KID. SURE, HULK NOT REALLY SURE ANYONE PRETENDING THAT BAM’S REACTION THE PINNACLE OF REASON OR ANYTHING, BUT IT WEIRD TO HULK THAT HE SEEM BE GETTING PASS AS JUST BEING “EMOTIONAL.” IT NOT JUST EMOTIONAL, IT ALSO IRRESPONSIBLE. THE SAME KIND OF IRRESPONSIBLE THAT LEAD TO PEOPLE THINKING THAT THEY CAN BEHAVE LIKE THIS, READ: CONSEQUENCE-FREE, IN THE FIRST PLACE.(3)
WHICH IN TURN SPEAK TO SOMETHING VERY, VERY INTERESTING…
WHY THE JACKASS CREW SO DISTRAUGHT AND SURPRISED BY DEATH, WHEN IT WHAT THEY BEEN CHASING FOR WELL OVER A DECADE?
MAKE NO MISTAKE. THAT WHAT JACKASS ABOUT. CHASING AND CHEATING DEATH.
YES, IT A VIOLENT + ENTERTAINING MIX OF BRAVADO, FRATTY ANTICS, AMPLIFIED JUVENILE TENDENCIES, AND SCATOLOGICAL NIGHTMARES. BUT DURING VAST MAJORITY OF ALL THEIR CRAZY/STUPID STUNTS, ANY OF THEM COULD HAVE BROKEN THEIR NECK AT ANY POINT. AND, YOU KNOW, DIED.
HOW COULD THEY SERIOUSLY DO ANY OF THEIR WORK AND LIVE THAT LIFESTYLE WITHOUT EMBRACING THIS VERY SIMPLE REALITY? NOT DOING SO SEEM VERY, VERY STRANGE TO HULK. REALLY, HOW COULD THEY DO THAT?
TURNS OUT RATHER EASILY.
THAT BECAUSE JACKASS PERFECTLY ENCAPSULATE THE “I’M INVINCIBLE!” PSYCHOLOGICAL DYNAMIC OF THE HIGH-SCHOOLER/YOUNG ADULT. HECK ALL THE SCATOLOGICAL STUFF AND PRANKS GO JUST AS MUCH ALONG WITH IT TOO. THE HIGH-SCHOOLER LOOKS AT THEIR OWN MORTALITY AS INCONCEIVABLE NOTION. THE ONLY WAY TO PROCESS IT, IS TO ACT AS IF IT NOT A REALITY. IN OTHER WORDS, TO BE RECKLESS.
MAYBE JACKASS NEEDED THAT AIR OF INVINCIBILITY TO BE HONEST. MAYBE IT THE ONLY WAY TO MAKE WHAT THEY DOING “OKAY” FOR PUBLIC CONSUMPTION. MAYBE THE WHOLE “FUN AND GAMES” TREATMENT AND LAUGH RIOT ASPECT THE ONLY WAY TO MAKE SEEM NOT LIKE WHAT IT WAS: DOWNRIGHT SCARY.
BUT AS THE JACKASS CREW GOT OLDER, AND THE STUNTS GOT MORE INSANE, THE RETARDED(4) NATURE OF THEIR ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT BECAME EVEN MORE PROMINENT:
THEY CHALLENGED DEATH BECAUSE IT WHAT KEPT THEM YOUNG.
IT THE ONLY WAY TO MAINTAIN THE AIR OF INVINCIBILITY. THEY DEFINED THEMSELVES BY THE HIGH SCHOOL AESTHETIC. BUT AS REALITY OF THEIR AGES SET IN… THEY HAD TO CHALLENGE DEATH AS FREQUENTLY AS THEY COULD. IT PURE INSTINCT TO THEM AT THIS POINT.
PUT IT THIS WAY: THERE NO OTHER REASON TO GET TRASHED AND DRIVE 140 MPH ON THE HIGHWAY, KILLING YOUR FRIEND IN PROCESS… ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NONE.
DEATH = WHAT THE JACKASS CREW WANTED WHETHER THEY EVEN KNEW IT OR NOT. FOR ONE, HULK WOULD ARGUE THEY CERTAINLY NOT AWARE OF IT. THEY ALL SEEM INCREDIBLY BROKEN UP ABOUT DUNN’S DEATH FOR ONE.(5) WHICH AGAIN SURPRISING GIVEN THEIR LIFESTYLE, BUT MORE TELLING = HOW QUICK THEY ARE TO MEMORIALIZE HIS BEHAVIOR. WHY SO QUICK?
CAUSE NOW DUNN GET TO BE YOUNG FOREVER AND THEY GET TO CELEBRATE/REVEL IN IT.
CHEATING DEATH AND BECOMING FAMOUS REALLY THE SAME GOAL WITH THE SAME MOTIVATION. OH TO MAINTAIN THAT YOUTHFUL, EVERLASTING GLOW! TO LIVE IN THAT REALITY WHERE NOTHING CAN EVER TOUCH YOU. AND THE BEST WAY TO DO THAT BY DYING YOUNG. SUBCONSCIOUSLY THEY ALL KNEW IT.
THE GREATEST JACKASS STUNT OF ALL WOULD BE THE ONE WHERE ONE OF THEM DIED. RIGHT? THAT THE SUBCONSCIOUS LOGIC TO THE WHOLE THING. WELL, UNFORTUNATELY, NO ONE THERE TO FILM RYAN DUNN’S DEADLY PRANK OF DRINKING A SHITLOAD THEN DRIVING HIS PORSCHE AT 140 MPH.
HULK NOT FEELING LIKE HULK GOING OUT ON LIMB WITH ANY OF THIS CRAP EITHER. IT FAIRLY STANDARD STUFF. IT THE SAME REASON EVERY CELEBRITY WHO OBSESSES WITH THEIR “OUTSIDER-NESS” COME TO THE SAME INEVITABLE END OF DYING YOUNG: KURT COBAIN, MORRISON, HENDRIX, JOPLIN, ALL OF THEM. THEY SO DEFINED BY THEIR YOUTHFULNESS THAT HULK BELIEVE IN SOME PART THEY JUST NO CONTAINED THE ABILITY TO GET OLD.(6)
AND IT SEEMS THAT NEITHER CAN SOME MEMBERS OF THE JACKASS CREW…
THERE PART OF HULK THAT HAVE APOLOGIZE FOR THIS ESSAY.. PERHAPS THIS CHEATING DEATH THEORY AND YOUTH CULTURE’S EMBRACING OF THE “TRAGEDY” NARRATIVE GETTING TO HULK…
YOU SEE, WHILE WRITING THIS PIECE, HULK’S STEPMOTHER DIED SUDDENLY TODAY OF HEALTH COMPLICATION. HULK KNEW HER WHOLE LIFE AND SHE VERY CLOSE WITH HULK. HULK STILL SORT OF IN SHOCK AND DEALING WITH IT. HULK FEEL INCREDIBLY CHEAP EVEN BRINGING IT UP, BUT IT JUST BRING UP IMPORTANT MATTER THAT STRIKING CHORD WITH WHAT HULK WAS ALREADY TALKING ABOUT.
THE FRAGILITY OF LIFE HARD TO COME GRIPS WITH BECAUSE BY EVEN ACKNOWLEDGING IT POSSIBLE, THAT WE ALL HUMAN, IT INSTANTANEOUSLY MAKE YOU “OLD.” THAT CAUSE THE SECOND YOU TRULY ACCEPT THE REALITY THAT AT ANY MOMENT YOU CAN DIE, THAT IT ALSO MEAN YOU COULD HAVE ALREADY LIVED YOUR ENTIRE LIFE.
MOST PEOPLE RUN FROM THIS ASPECT OF ACCEPTANCE.
IT WHY JACKASS CREW SHOCKED BY DUNN’S DEATH. IT WHY MANY YOUNGISH PEOPLE ONLINE RALLYING BEHIND THEM . IT WHY SO MANY THRILL-SEEKER JUSTIFY THEIR ACTIONS BY SAYING “LIFE IS TOO SHORT.” THIS SAYING ALWAYS IRONIC TO HULK BECAUSE THEY ACTUALLY JUST RUNNING FROM LIFE. THERE NO RATIONAL WAY TO PROCESS THE “LIFE IS TOO SHORT” REALIZATION OTHER THAN NOT JUMPING OFF A CLIFF AND GOING TO HUG YOUR LOVED ONES. IF LIFE SO PRECIOUS, IT SHOULD BE TREATED AS PRECIOUS.(7) THE JACKASS GANG AND THRILL-SEEKERS ONLY WAY OF DEALING WITH “LIFE TOO SHORT” TO TRY AND WALK UP TO REALITY AND PROVE IT NOT TRUE.
AGAIN, THIS NOT TO BE MORALLY SUPERIOR. HULK NOT TRYING SAY THRILL-SEEKERS AND JACKASS GANG = IDIOTS OR ANYTHING. NOTHING OF SORT. THEIR BEHAVIOR FAIRLY TYPICAL OF HUMAN BEHAVIOR.
IT JUST THAT HULK STILL FIND THE MANTRA OF THESE GROUPS TO BE DISHONEST.
IT NOT LIFE AFFIRMING. THEY TRYING TO CHEAT DEATH.
AND IT JUST MAKE HULK SAD.
BECAUSE RIGHT NOW HALF OUR CULTURE NOW FAWNING OVER AN EMOTIONALLY STUNTED PRACTITIONER OF RECKLESS ABANDON, WHILE THE OTHER HALF BEHAVES MORALLY SUPERIOR TO HIM.
MEANWHILE, THE DEATH OF AN ACTUAL BRILLIANT, FORWARD-THINKING, KIND, CONSCIENTIOUS, AND COMMUNITY-DRIVEN, ADULT WILL GO LARGELY UNNOTICED.
AND SHE THE ONE WHO SAW DEATH AS A FACT OF LIFE…
… NOT A SUBCONSCIOUS GOAL.
ENDNOTES:
(1) BESIDES, THE BEST WAY NOT TO SUCCUMB TO DRUNK DRIVING TO SIMPLY REALIZE JUST HOW EASY IT IS TO DO IT. IT NOT EXACTLY HEROISM, BUT SIMPLY MAINTAINING AWARENESS.
(2) THOUGH IF IT BETWEEN THE TWO, HULK OPT FOR THE CHEESY PSA EVERY TIME
(3) HULK THINK OF COURSE THEY CAN BEHAVE LIKE THIS. IT WITHIN THEIR RIGHTS AND THEY MAKE LIVING AT IT. BUT IT THE CONSEQUENCE FREE PART THAT SEEM OBVIOUS.
(4) PROPER USE OF WORD, SLOWED/STUNTED.
(5) AGAIN, SAVE FOR KNOXVILLE, WHO ALWAYS THE MORE INTERESTED IN NORMAL HOLLYWOOD STUFF, SEEMED THE MOST MATURE, MELLOWED OUT WHEN HE HAD KIDS, AND GENERALLY JUST SEEMS TIRED OF THE WHOLE THING AT THIS POINT. MOST OF HIS STUNTS SEEM BORN FROM SENSE OF RESPONSIBILITY TO THE GROUP.
(6) IT NOT SIMPLY A ROCK/ROLL LIFESTYLE THING, BUT VERY PARTICULAR PERSONALITY TRAIT. THE ROLLING STONES NEVER REALLY CHASED. MICK JAGGER WAS PURE VANITY AND OBSESSED WITH FAME, BUT IT THE KIND OF NARCISSISM THAT CAN’T LET GO OF LIFE. THE YOUTHFUL DEAD MEANWHILE, HAD NO SUCH VALUE ON LIFE, JUST THE ATTITUDE.
(7) THIS NOT MEAN ONE SHOULD LIVE IN PERPETUAL FEAR OR ANYTHING. NOTHING OF THE SORT. JUST THAT THE END NOT SOMETHING TO BE “SOUGHT OUT” PREMATURELY.
IT REALLY THE MOST EPIC HAIR SNIFF IN HISTORY OF CINEMA.
PURE JOY
*HULK THANK GO TO BETTY FOR THE Q+D P.S.
THE GOOD:
-PETER SARSGAARD
THE BAD:
-THE REST OF IT
MIKE LEIGH MIGHT BE BEST FILMMAKER IN THE WORLD.
THAT TOUGH DISTINCTION GIVE ANYONE, ONE THAT LOADED WITH ALL SORTS EXPECTATIONS FROM EVERY KIND OF DISCERNING TASTE IMAGINABLE. STILL, IT ONE THOSE THINGS THAT JUST FEEL TRUE. SURE, IF HULK JUST WANTED BE SAFE ABOUT THE WHOLE THING, HULK COULD HAVE JUST SAID LEIGH ONE OF “FAVORITE” FILMMAKERS… BUT REALLY THAT JUST FEEL LIKE A WASTE OF WORDS.
MIKE LEIGH MORE SPECIAL THAN THAT.
IT NO HELP THAT LEIGH ALSO ONE OF MOST MISUNDERSTOOD FILMMAKERS ON PLANET. THE CENTRAL TALKING POINT FOR HIS CAREER ABOUT HIS PROCESS AND “IMPROVISATIONAL” STYLE, BUT THIS MISCONSTRUED DEDUCTION. THE POPULAR UNDERSTANDING OF MIKE LEIGH’S PROCESS THAT HE COME UP WITH IDEA, GET ACTORS TOGETHER, THEN THEY JUST SORT OF DICK AROUND AND REHEARSE, FIGURE IT OUT, AND THEY SHOOT THE MOVIE LOOSELY CREATING THIS “NATURAL” TONE HE SO FAMOUS FOR.
BUT THIS NOT WHAT HAPPEN. WHATSOEVER.
IT ACTUALLY BEGIN WHEN LEIGH WRITE A FIRST DRAFT OF MOVIE. HULK, HAVING PERSONALLY READ SOME OF THESE FIRST DRAFTS, CAN ASSURE YOU THAT THESE NOT JUST SET OF BLUEPRINTS OR OUTLINE, BUT TRUE-BLUE PROTO-VERSIONS OF THE EVENTUAL FILM. AND THEY OFTEN BETTER THAN MOST SCRIPTS HULK EVER READ. WHAT FOLLOW NEXT A PERIOD OF REHEARSAL FOR SEVERAL WEEKS WITH CAST. THROUGH VERY ORGANIC PROCESS, THE REHEARSAL ESSENTIALLY INFORM A NEW VERSION OF THE SCRIPT BASED ON WHAT THEY DISCOVERED TOGETHER. SOMETIMES IT SIMPLE AS LINES ADJUSTED TO FIT ACTOR’S CADENCE. OCCASIONALLY THEY DISCOVER WHAT NOT WORKING. AND YES, IDEAS STREAMLINED FOR SURE, BUT IT NOT LIKE THE MOVIE MADE UP THERE ON THE SPOT. THEY THEN SHOOT THE FILM WITH NEWLY-ESTABLISHED, FULLY-DEVELOPED SCRIPT IN PLACE.
THE TRUTH IS THIS LIKE LOT OTHER PRE-PRODUCTION PROCESSES IT JUST LEIGH’S: 1) A LOT LONGER 2) VERY CAREFUL + EXACTING, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY 3) SCHEDULED BEFOREHAND.
…IF ONLY ALL MOVIES COULD DO THIS.
WHAT FUNNY THAT THIS FAMOUS PROCESS SPUR ON ANOTHER WORD PEOPLE ALSO LOVE THROW AROUND WHEN DESCRIBING LEIGH’S WORK: “THEATRICAL.” WHICH ONLY TRUE IN SENSE THAT THIS REHEARSAL-HEAVY STYLE DELIBERATELY TAKEN FROM LEIGH’S DAYS OF DIRECTING THE LONDON STAGE. BUT THAT REALLY WHERE COMPARISONS END. IN TERMS OF ACTUAL SCREEN CONTENT AND “STYLE, HIS WORK LACK ALL SENSE OF THEATRICALITY. SURE, LEIGH NOT ONE FOR OVERT CINEMATIC STYLINGS. HE JUST FAVOR THE FORGOTTEN ART OF “INVISIBLE FILMMAKING.” EVERY EDIT CONTROLLED AND SPECIFIC WHILE BARELY NOTICING. THE CINEMATOGRAPHY GENTLE AND MEASURED, THE AUDIENCE ALWAYS FEEL LIKE THEY JUST ANOTHER PERSON IN ROOM INVOLVED IN CONVERSATION. THE CAMERA RARELY MOVE, BUT THE CHARACTERS AND SETTING MANAGE FILL THE SPACE INSTEAD. HULK FASCINATED BY HIS CONTINUOUS USE OF TWO-SHOTS. LEIGH USE THEM MORE THAN ANY DIRECTOR HULK EVER SEEN (1) AND HE FAVOR THESE SLIGHTLY ASYMMETRIC PERSPECTIVES TO HIGHLIGHT THE IMPORTANCE OF THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN THE CHARACTERS. TO LEIGH, THAT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING, ALL THE TIME, ALWAYS. THE EFFECT OF DOING SO TWO-FOLD: 1) IT ACHIEVE THE NATURALISM THAT LEIGH SEEKING ESTABLISH IN HIS WORLDS AND 2) IT AN EXAMPLE OF TRULY PURE ECONOMICAL FILMMAKING.
BUT THIS JUST AESTHETICS. IT THE THEMATICS WHERE LEIGH TRULY THRIVE.
SEE, MORE THAN ANYONE, MIKE LEIGH KEENLY AWARE OF THE CONVENTIONS OF MOVIES. AND HE UTILIZE AUDIENCE EXPECTATIONS SO SLYLY AS TO MAKE HULK SHAKE HEAD IN WONDER AND AWE. NOW THESE CINEMATIC CONVENTIONS THAT USED NOT THE SAME AS, SAY, QUENTIN TARANTINO OR EDGAR WRIGHT, WHO OFTEN THEM IN A CINEMATIC SENSE; MEANING THEY MAY BREAK SUDDENLY BREAK INTO A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT STYLE OF FILM: ACTION, ROMANCE, ANYTHING THAT SERVE THE LARGER STORY. THIS NOT TO IMPLY TARANTINO AND WRIGHT SIMPLY APING THE FORMATS AS EMPTY GESTURES. THEY USE THEM TO REINFORCE AN EMOTIONAL OR CHARACTER BEAT IN SPIRIT OF “CINEMATIC AMPLIFICATION.” BUT HULK JUST SAYING THAT LEIGH’S FILMS INSTEAD TROD ALONG WITH THEIR REALISTIC STYLE, UNVEILING THE WAYS IN WHICH THEY PLAY WITH YOUR EXPECTATIONS ON PURE STORY LEVEL. THAT RIGHT, MIKE LEIGH WORK LIKE TARANTINO BUT ON PURE STORYTELLING 101 LEVEL! AND THE RESULTS ALWAYS SPECTACULAR.
WHICH BRING HULK TO HAPPY-GO-LUCKY.
HULK TRULY WARY OF DESCRIBING IT AS “ONE OF BEST MOVIES EVER” BEFORE SOMEONE HAVE SEEN IT. THE TRUTH THAT EVEN WHILE WATCHING IT YOU PROBABLY HAVE NO IDEA WHY HULK THINK SO HIGHLY OF IT. THIS CAUSE IT ONE OF THOSE MOVIE THAT NOT GOOD UNTIL YOU REALIZING EXACTLY WHAT IT DOING AND WHY. AND HONESTLY, LARGELY DEPENDENT ON HOW INTERESTING YOU FIND SAID ALTERATIONS OF EXPECTATION. HULK NO EVEN REALIZE WHAT SO TRULY PROFOUND UNTIL HULK HAD TIME TO CONTEMPLATE AFTERWARDS.
BASED SIMPLY ON PREMISE ALONE, HAPPY-GO-LUCKY ABOUT THE TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS OF BEING A HAPPY, OPTIMISTIC PERSON IN AN OH-SO-CYNICAL WORLD. THE FILM’S MAIN CHARACTER, POPPY, A FLIGHTY SCHOOLTEACHER WHO ALWAYS ASSUME THE BEST IN PEOPLE NO MATTER HOW IT MAY GET HER IN “TROUBLE.” FIRST OFF, AS SIMPLE AS THIS PREMISE SOUND, HULK FIND IT INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT KIND OF SUBJECT THAT NOT NEARLY EXPLORED ENOUGH… IF AT ALL. AND WHILE THE FILM NEVER QUITE VEER FORM THIS STORYLINE (MEANING THERE NO TWIST OR ACTUAL NARRATIVE SHIFT) IT TRULY ALTER HOW IT GOING ABOUT THAT STORY IN VERY SUBTLE WAY. AND THAT WHY IT ONE BEST MOVIES EVER MADE.
COMPLETE AND TOTAL “SPOILERS” FROM HERE ON IN (2):
EVEN THOUGH THE MOVIE VERY REALISTIC -FEELING (NO HIGH-KEY LIGHTING, ETC), IT STILL CAREFULLY SET UP TO RESEMBLE THE STORY OF STANDARD ROMANTIC-COMEDY. THERE POPPY, THE TITULAR HAPPY-GO-LUCKY FIGURE WHOSE FRIENDS AND FAMILY TELL HER SHE HAVE BE MORE GUARDED WITH HER TRUST AND THAT SHE NEED BE MORE SERIOUS ABOUT LIFE. POPPY THEN MEET SCOTT, HER BY-THE-BOOK CURMUDGEONLY DRIVING INSTRUCTOR. POPPY’S HAPHAZARD AND CARE-FREE JOYFUL WAYS BOTH INFURIATE AND YET STILL DEEPLY ATTRACTIVE TO SCOTT. REMEMBER THIS EXPERTLY MADE FILM, SO THIS WHOLE DYNAMIC NO FEEL STAGED OR CAMPY OR INDIE OR TWEE OR ANYTHING REMOTELY CLOSE TO THAT. STILL BASED ON OUR ENTIRE HISTORY OF WATCHING MOVIES, IT ABSOLUTELY CLEAR WHAT THE EXPECTATION FOR THESE TWO CHARACTERS…
… AND THEN… THINGS BECOME DIFFERENT… AND YOU REALIZE THAT NOT THE KIND OF MOVIE YOU WATCHING AT ALL.
IT NOT LIKE LEIGH PULL RUG OUT FROM AUDIENCE. THERE NO SUDDEN TURN IN PLOT, OR STYLE, OR EVEN NARRATIVE. HE NEVER THAT CHEAP. IT JUST IN THAT THERE A SUDDEN MOMENT OF VIOLENCE THAT CULMINATE IN SCOTT GRABBING POPPY BY THE HAIR IN UNCONTROLLABLE ANGER AND IT SUDDENLY DAWN ON YOU: SCOTT HAVE REAL EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS. AT FIRST WE JUST WILLING DISMISS THEM AS IDIOSYNCRASIES, EVEN THE TIMES WHERE IT SKEWED A BIT ODD. BUT THEN THE VIEWER FORCED REALIZE THEY MUCH MORE THAN THAT. AND THAT THE ENTIRE MOVIE BEEN BUILDING TO THIS POINT. SCOTT’S PARANOID CONSPIRACY THEORIES? THE (SEEMINGLY HUMOROUS) STALKING. THE DEEP-SEEDED SEXUAL ATTRACTION AND HIS LACK OF COMFORT WITH IT. LEIGH CAREFULLY SHOWED THE UNBALANCED REALITY OF SCOTT THE WHOLE TIME, BUT BECAUSE IT IN FRAMEWORK OF TRADITIONAL MOVIE DYNAMIC, THE AUDIENCE ALWAYS ASSUME THESE TWO CRAZY LOVE BIRDS GOING FIND HAPPINESS TOGETHER DESPITE THE ODDS. BUT LEIGH NO INTERESTED IN TERRIBLE ROMANTIC PSYCHOLOGICAL CLAP TRAP. HE INTERESTED IN THE GREATER TRUTHS OF HUMAN NATURE, SPECIFICALLY THE ONES THAT FLY IN THE FACE OF CINEMATIC EXPECTATION. SO INSTEAD OF ROMANTIC FIREWORKS, POPPY PUT HERSELF AT PHYSICAL RISK TO ONCE AGAIN EMBRACE HER KIND NATURE AND GENUINELY TRY HELP SCOTT. SHE FEEL PITY FOR HIM AND IT GENUINELY HEARTBREAKING MOMENT.
AND THIS POPPY’S SOLE REWARD FOR HER RELENTLESS POSITIVE NATURE? NOT BY LONG SHOT.
EARLIER IN FILM WE MEET TIM, A HANDSOME AND SENSITIVE SOCIAL WORKER WHO AUDIENCE INSTANTLY DISTRUST CAUSE HANDSOME PEOPLE ALWAYS JERKS IN MOVIES. AND BESIDES, IN AUDIENCE’S MIND POPPY ALREADY “PROMISED” TO SCOTT. BUT EVENTUALLY WE REALIZE THESE STUPID ASSUMPTIONS. TIM TURNS OUT BE AN AMAZING PERSON AND HE FULLY UNDERSTAND AND POPPY. BETTER YET, THEY UNDERSTAND WHAT IMPORTANT ABOUT WORLD, BASED ON EARLIER SCENE IN WHICH THEY BOTH HELP A TROULBED CHILD IN POPPY’S CLASS. WHAT PERHAPS MOST BRILLIANT ABOUT ALL THIS THAT LEIGH NOT GIVE US ANY INDICATION WHATSOEVER THAT SCOTT A ROMANTIC HERO OR THAT TIM A JERK OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT. IT PURELY A CONSTRUCT OF THE AUDIENCE’S MIND.
HULK LOVE IT BECAUSE IT SERVE AS ABSOLUTE EVISCERATION OF SOME HORRIBLE THEMATIC CONVENTIONS OF THE ROMANTIC COMEDY GENRE, FOR EXAMPLE:
(1) THE MODERN HIGH-MINDED WOMAN FALLING FOR THE ASSHOLE
(2) ALL THE ASSHOLE NEEDING JUST TO BE CHALLENGED
(3) OR THE ASSHOLE JUST NEEDING BE LOVED
(4) THAT THE HANDSOME “OTHER” GUY INHERENTLY A JERK
(5) THAT GOOD PEOPLE SOMEHOW BAD JUDGE OF CHARACTER OR “LIKE ALL THE WRONG GUYS”
(6) FUNNY + SILLY TYPES CANT BE SEXY AND IF ARE THEY RELEGATED TO SIDEKICK STATUS AND YET STILL MAN-EATERS FOR SOME REASON
(7) IT IMPOSSIBLE TO FIT SMART, SERIOUS CONTENT ALONG WITH THE ROMANCE CAUSE IT “A DOWNER”
(8) THAT PEOPLE BECAUSE PEOPLE ATTRACTED TO THINGS FOREIGN TO THEM, THEY MUST CREATE REALITY WHERE THESE INCONGRUITIES SOMEHOW WORK
AND MOST HORRIBLY, (9) THAT KINDNESS WILL BE PUNISHED.
… SERIOUSLY, WHAT REALISTIC OR HUMAN ABOUT ANY OF THESE?
AND WHAT CAUSE WRITERS TO EVEN CREATE THESE ODD, DISGUSTING THEMES FOR ROMANTIC?
FOR ONE, IT EASIER. STORIES HAVE BE ABOUT CONFLICT AND DRAMA SO REALLY THERE NO EASIER SOLUTION THAN “THEY HATE EACH OTHER, THEY LOVE EACH OTHER!” THIS ACTUALLY OKAY IN SOME WAYS. TONS OF HULK’S FAVORITE MOVIES FROM 40’S KICK ASS WITH THIS CONCEIT. BUT IT THE KIND OF STALE THIS DAY AND AGE WHERE IT NOW SO RECYCLED YET POPULAR THAT WE SOMEHOW CONDITIONED TO THINK THIS HUMAN TRUTH… UGH.
AND THIS MAY BE SHOCK, BUT HULK HAVE TELL YOU WRITERS CAN TEND TO BE MISANTHROPIC BUNCH. WHICH MEAN THAT HAPPY PEOPLE PUNISHED AND FORCED LEARN TO EMBRACE SADNESS AND REALITIES OF WORLD. ATTRACTIVE PEOPLE SUCK. RICH PEOPLE SUCK. AND SO MANY OF THEM CAN BARELY UNDERSTAND THE OTHER SEX OUTSIDE WHAT THEY HATE ABOUT THEM. GUESS THAT WHERE THE “WRITE WHAT YOU KNOW” PART COME IN. THE ONLY DIFFERENCE THAT THEY PUT HAPPY LITTLE BOW ON END.
IT REGRETTABLE THAT ROMANTIC COMEDIES BECOME SOME HORRIBLE BUZZWORD. HULK OF THE SHAKESPEAREAN MIND THAT ALL STORIES THAT NO END TRAGEDY = JUST COMEDIES. AND UNLESS INDULGING IN ABSURDITY, THEN ALL THOSE MOVIES JUST REALLY ROMANTIC COMEDIES.(3) BUT THE CONSCIOUS AMERICAN-CINEMA-GOING-ADULT COME TO HATE THE TRADITIONAL VERSION OF THESE MOVIES CAUSE THEY ALWAYS SOME DUMB BATTLES OF SEXES WITH COMPLETELY UNCALLED FOR HAPPILY-EVER-AFTER. IT IT JUST BECAUSE THE WRITER HAVE MAKE WORLD WHERE THE CHARACTERS PROBLEMS MAGICALLY WORK OUT.
BUT NOT HAPPY-GO-LUCKY.
THE FILM NOT ABOUT HAPPY PEOPLE COMING TO GRIPS WITH CYNICAL WORLD. IT ABOUT HAPPY PEOPLE GETTING THE THINGS THEY BOTH DESERVE AND EARN THROUGH THEIR EFFORTS. POPPY A CONCERNED TEACHER. TIM A CONCERNED SOCIAL WORKER. HULK THINK IT NO MISTAKE THEY BOTH PART OF “THE SYSTEM.” THEY BOTH PEOPLE WHO BELIEVE IN THE SANCTITY OF EFFORT, OTHER PEOPLE, AND WORKING FOR COMMUNITIES.(4) THEY NOBLE PEOPLE AND THEY CERTAINLY NOT DISILLUSIONED. THEY FACE PROBLEMS, CONFLICT, ALL THAT STUFF. BUT THEY JUST WORK HARD AND CHOOSE HAPPINESS. LEIGH FIND HIS STORY BY LOOKING THROUGH LENS OF REALITY AND NOT THE WARPED REALITY OF MOVIES.
SO WHERE THE DRAMA? THAT NOT NECESSARY? HOW THIS EVEN A GOOD MOVIE?
AFTER ALL, POPPY HAVE NO ARC. SHE NO GROW UP BEFORE AUDIENCE EYES. SHE NO HAVE EPIPHANIES. SHE STAY THE SAME. THE THING THAT CHANGE THE AUDIENCE AND OUR UNDERSTANDING OF HER. WHEN DONE WELL, THESE SOME OF HULK’S FAVORITE MOVIES. WHEN DONE POORLY, THESE SOME OF HULK’S LEAST FAVORITE MOVIES. THE AUDIENCE START OF THINKING OF POPPY AS THE VICTIM, THE DITZ WHO WILL FAIL AT LIFE. BUT THE FILM SLOWLY REVEAL HER AS NOT JUST COMPETENT, NOT JUST VERY SERIOUS ABOUT HER JOB, BUT SOMEONE WHO TRULY SPECIAL. LEIGH EVEN DEFTLY HANDLE HER SEXUALITY. WE FIRST THINK HER A FLIGHTY, CRAZY-DRESSING BEAN-POLE, BUT IN THE SCENE AFTER HER FIRST NIGHT WITH TIM, WE SEE THEN POPPY IN HER UNDERWEAR AND LIKEWISE IN A NEW CONTEXT. THE SCENE NON-OVERTLY BATHED IN GENTLE GRAYISH SUNLIGHT. IT BOTH REALISTIC AND POSITIVE. HER SEXUALITY= QUIET, STILL, AND CONFIDENT. BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY IT FIRST TIME THE FILM TREAT HER AS UNDENIABLY SEXY. SHE NOT DIFFERENT. THE CINEMA STYLE NOT GO ALL BODY HEAT ON US. IT JUST PRESENT NEW LIGHT. IT AN INCREDIBLY SUBTLE SCENE, YET ABSOLUTELY EFFECTIVE.
AND AS FOR EVERYBODY’S CRITICISMS OF POPPY’S JOVIAL QUALITIES? THE ONES AUDIENCE THINK GOING TO EVENTUALLY CATCH UP WITH HER? THEY JUST REFLECTIONS OF THE OTHER CHARACTER’S DISAPPOINTMENTS. THEIR OWN DEPRESSION. THEIR CHOICES.(5)
SO POPPY DEFIES THEM AND TRUSTS HER OWN HUMANITY.
AND REALLY, POPPY’S GREATEST HEROISM NOT JUST STANDING UP TO THEM, BUT STANDING UP AND BEING DEFIANT TO THE AUDIENCE.
MIKE LEIGH, ALWAYS, AND WITH NO EXCEPTION HERE, HAS CREATED A WORK SO COMPLETE WITH BRILLIANT STORY TELLING AND YET IT SO ACHINGLY COMPASSIONATE.
AND FOR THAT HAPPY-GO-LUCKY ONE OF HULKS FAVORITE MOVIES OF ALL TIME.
…. OH AND ONE LAST THING…
IF YOU THINK HULK OVERESTIMATING LEIGH’S WORTH, THAT THIS JUST HULK BEING OVER GRACIOUS TO FILMMAKER NOT A LOT “LOVE” OR EVEN “HEARD OF,” AND THAT THIS APPRAISAL NOT IN LINE WITH “GENERAL CONSENSUS” AND HULK JUST TALKING OUT “HULK BUTT”, THEN KNOW THIS YOU OH-DEFENDER-OF-POPULISM…
MIKE LEIGH HAVE THE HIGHEST PER-MOVIE-FRESH-RATING AVERAGE ON ROTTEN TOMATOES.
SO HEY, MAYBE MIKE LEIGH THE BEST FILMMAKER IN THE WORLD?
(1) THIS NOT COUNTING KEVIN SMITH. WHOSE EARLY FILMS USED TWO SHOTS OUT OF NEED. THEY ALSO FRAMED HORRIBLY.
(2) IT FEEL WEIRD USING TERM “SPOILER” IN A MOVIE AS MEASURED AND HUMAN AS THIS ONE. HULK COULD HAVE JUST SAY “HULK GOING TALK ABOUT ENDING NOW.”
(3) APATOW MOVIES? ABSOLUTELY JUST ROMANTIC COMEDIES. THOSE INDIE “DRAMADIES’ JUST ROMANTIC COMEDIES WITH MORE SERIOUS OVERTONES. EVEN THE BIG BUDGET SUMMER BLOCKBUSTERS END WITH EVERYTHING SET RIGHT AND HERO “GETTING THE GIRL.”* IN TERMS FORMULA, THEY ABSOLUTELY COMEDIES.
*IF THEY NO GET THE GIRL THOUGH IT USUALLY THE TURN BEING SOME WEIRD SEXUAL OBSTRUCTION WHERE THE HERO AND GIRL CAN NO BE TOGETHER, BUT USUALLY THIS SOME JUST TO DELAY ACTUAL STORYTELLING SINCE THEY HAVE NOTHING MORE TO SAY FURTHER THAN “THEY LOVE EACH OTHER NOW!” OR WORSE OUT OF SOME STRANGE PURITANICAL INCLINATION TO KEEP SUPERHEROES A-SEXUAL… HULK JUST REALIZED HE USED SUPERHERO/BIG BUDGET SUMMER MOVIES INTERCHANGABLY… IT BEEN WEIRD DECADE.
(4) IT NO ACCIDENT SCOTT ACHINGLY PROUD OF HIS INDEPENDENCE AND OUTSIDE BUSINESSES AND NOT BEING RELIANT ON OTHER PEOPLE. NOT SURPRISINGLY IT ONLY BREED UNHAPPINESS. AND WHAT A COINCIDENCE, HULK JUST HAD LOTS THOUGHTS ON ISOLATING OUTWARD NATURES.
(5) HULK NOT REALLY TALKING ABOUT IT MUCH CAUSE CONCENTRATING ON LEIGH, BUT SALLY HAWKINS AND THE ENTIRE CAST IN THIS MOVIE SO FUCKING GOOD THAT HULK NO EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
RANDOM: IF CURIOUS ABOUT MIKE LEIGH’S CRITICAL STUFF CHECK OUT WORK OF RAY CARNEY. HE THE WORLDS LEADING AUTHORITY ON CASSAVETES AND WHEN HE WROTE EVERY POSSIBLE WORD ON HIM, CARNEY TRANSITION TO MIKE LEIGH. A STELLAR DECISION AND THERE HUGE SIMILARITIES IN THE WORK, NAMELY THEY BOTH MISTAKEN FOR THEIR IMPROVISATIONAL STYLES (CASSAVETES WROTE HIS MOVIES)… CARNEY ALSO CRAZY SEXIST.
SELF AGGRANDIZING UPDATE! LOTS OF FOLKS COMING INTO THIS PIECE AFTER CLICKING THE LINK FROM THE ESCAPIST. HI! THIS HULK. HULK LIKE MOVIES AND WRITE ABOUT THEM. FOLLOW HULK ON TWITTER IF SO WISH. ENJOY THIS ARTICLE. KTHANKSBYE.
IT HAD TO GET HERE EVENTUALLY.
IN LAST WEEK’S SEASON FINALE OF SOUTH PARK ENTITLED “YOU’RE GETTING OLD” THE MAIN CHARACTER(S), AND BY PROXY THE WRITERS THEMSELVES, CAME TO A POINT OF CRITICAL MASS: THEY OPENLY ACKNOWLEDGED THEY SICK OF THEIR SHOW’S MODUS OPERANDI AND IT TIME CHANGE. THIS NOT AN INTERPRETATION. IT EXPRESSED RATHER DIRECTLY. THE SHOW’S MAIN CHARACTER, STAN, CAME TO POINT OF INCREDIBLE ISOLATION WHERE HE JUST HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT THE WORLD AND HAVE VOICE HIS CRITICISM. THE, EVER LITERAL, COMICALLY SHOWCASE A WORLD WHERE INDEED, “EVERYTHING IS SHIT.”
OBVIOUSLY, THE EPISODE STAND AS OBVIOUS OUTWARD CRITIQUE OF THE “CYNICAL ASSHOLES” OF THE WORLD, I.E. THE JERKS WHO SEEMINGLY CAN NO ENJOY ANYTHING. BUT ULTIMATELY, IT ONE OF RARE MOMENTS THAT SOUTH PARK POINT THE CRITICISM INWARD. MATT + TREY SEEMED SAY THEY ABSOLUTELY SICK WITH WHAT THE SHOW HAS BECOME. WORSE, THEY PERHAPS REALIZED THEY HAD BECOME LIKE STAN. AS RESULT, SOMETHING HAD TO CHANGE. CHANGE IT DID. STAN’S OFF BY HIMSELF. RANDY AND SHARON DIVORCE (FOR REAL, NOT A ONE-OFF GESTURE MAKING FUN OF DIVORCE), AND KYLE AND CARTMAN MIGHT NOW BE… GULP.. FRIENDS?
IN THIS SENSE OF ADDRESSING INWARD, CHANGING THE SHOW FOR REAL, AND NOT JUST FOR CHANGE’S SAKE, HULK FOUND IT TO BE THE BEST EPISODE THE SHOW HAS EVER PRODUCED. NOT FUNNIEST, MIND YOU. BEST. THERE DIFFERENCE. BUT THIS ESTIMATION SHOULD NO BE SURPRISING EITHER. THERE SOMETHING ALWAYS MORE POWERFUL ABOUT INWARD RESONANCE THAN OUTWARD RESONANCE. IT A BASIC DIFFERENCE OF “I HAVE” INSTEAD OF “YOU SHOULD” AND IT THE VERY NATURE OF BEING INCLUSIVE.
IT LIKELY HELP THAT HULK THINK SOUTH PARK CONTINUE GET BETTER EVERY SEASON.(1) THE SHOW DEBUTED WITH A PUNK ROCK-NON-POLISHED SENSIBILITY,(2) THEN TURNED TO WEEK-TO-WEEK TOPICAL CONTRARIANISM, THEN EMBRACED ABJECT LIBERTARIAN CENTERISM, TO FINALLY BECOME SHOW THAT BALANCED THIS “SUBJECT OF THE WEEK” WITH FULLY-EXPLORED CHARACTERS AND RELATIONSHIPS THAT DEFINE SHOW. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, THE FLESHING OUT OF THEIR WORLD FROM ONE-NOTE JOKES TO DYNAMIC PERSONALITIES (TOKEN, CLYDE, JIMMY, NOT KILLING KENNY AND INSTEAD SORTA TURNING HIM INTO POON HOUND, AND EVERYTHING BUTTERS… ESPECIALLY HIS PARENTS) MADE THE SHOW CONSISTENTLY FUNNY, NOT SOLELY FUNNY DEPENDING ON POINTEDNESS OF MATT + TREY’S COMMENTARY. AS RESULT, THE SOUTH PARK HULK WATCH TODAY SOMETHING FAR MORE TEXTURED AND POLISHED THAN YEARS PAST.
STILL, DESPITE THIS POLISH, THE SHOW REACHED CRITICAL MASS DUE TO SINGULAR CONCEPTUAL REASON, ONE GIANT-HULK-SIZED FATAL-FLAW THAT ALWAYS PREVENT HULK FROM TRULY LOVING IT:
IT NEVER ACTUALLY STOOD FOR ANYTHING.
THE PROBLEM THAT THIS “NOT STANDING FOR ANYTHING” ALSO PART OF THE INITIAL ATTRACTION. WE LIVE IN TIME WHERE ANYTHING EVEN APPROACH TRADITIONAL “WHOLESOMENESS” THEN REGARDED AS ABJECT PREACHINESS, SENTIMENTAL SAP, AND JUST SOMETHING TO BE REVILED. AFTER ALL, PRACTICALITY = THE ENEMY OF COOL. AND LOVE + OPTIMISM= THE ENEMY OF HUMOR. AS RESULT, MODERN COMEDY “EDGE” SO RELIANT ON DETACHMENT THAT THINGS LIKE CHARACTER ARCS AND “BELIEVING IN THINGS” INADVERTENTLY REGARDED AS THINGS FOR EMOTIONAL SUCKERS. BUT SOUTH PARK PROMISED PLACE WHERE NEVER HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT SAP OR SQUARE-ISM. IT AFFRONT YOU WITH VALUES.
WHICH MAKE IT ODD THAT SOUTH PARK ACTUALLY AN INCREDIBLY PREACHY SHOW. GRANTED, IT RARELY COME OFF AS SUCH BECAUSE OF THE MATT + TREY ALWAYS TRY APPEAL TO COMMON SENSE INSTINCTS AND AVOID FEATHER-RUFFLING PRATFALLS WITH THEIR DISTINCTLY LIBERTARIAN POLITICS. STILL, THIS A SHOW WHERE MAJORITY EPISODES END WITH STAN (OR SOMETIMES KYLE) GIVING APPROPRIATION OF SITUATION WITH DIRECT MONOLOGUE TO AUDIENCE. AND THIS RARELY OFFEND CAUSE SAID MONOLOGUE ALWAYS EITHER APE, OR GENUINELY REFLECT, GOOD OLE FASHIONED HUMANISM.
THE PROBLEM THAT THESE MESSAGES, WEEK AFTER WEEK, ALWAYS ABOUT WRONG WITH SOMETHING. REGARDLESS OF HOW “CORRECT” THEY ARE IT ALWAYS ABOUT WHAT WRONG WITH SOMEONE’S VIEW, BEHAVIOR, OR PERCEIVED EXCESSES. YES, IT MATT +TREY’S PREROGATIVE. THEY HUMORISTS/SATIRISTS AND THERE ALWAYS A TOPIC TO BE SKEWERED. MOST OF THESE TOPICS EVEN DESERVE IT. BUT IT NO CHANGE REALITY THAT EVERY WEEK THEY TAKING ON SOMETHING THEY FIND WRONG/ANNOYING/SILLY ABOUT SOCIETY.(3)
IT REALLY THE ONLY THING THE SHOW ABOUT.
IF PERSONIFYING SOUTH PARK, EVEN WHEN IT BEING MEASURED, EVEN IF IT JUST TRYING BE RATIONAL, THEY STILL THE CYNICAL ASSHOLE THAT HATE EVERYTHING AND TELL YOU WHY IT WRONG. AND SO OFTEN THESE MESSAGES ABOUT STUPID BEHAVIOR NOT ACTUALLY DEFENDING ANYTHING. THEY JUST TEARING A CONCEPT DOWN, OFTEN OFFERING NO BIGGER SOLUTION BEYOND THE SENSIBILITY OF MODERATION.(4) THE SHOW ONLY SEEM HAVE AN ATTACK-MODE. AGAIN, THIS SERVICEABLE, A MEANS TO AN OFTEN SUCCESSFUL COMEDIC END. AND AGAIN, MANY TIMES THE MESSAGES RESONATE AND POINT OUT SOMETHING THAT REALLY NEEDED OBSERVANCE.
IT JUST ULTIMATELY, HULK BELIEVE A SHOW HAVE BE MORE ABOUT SOMETHING THAN OUTWARD RESONANCE.
HULK NOT SAYING THEY HAVE HAVE SOME WHOLESOME BOY-SCOUT RAH-RAH MESSAGE. NOT AT ALL. BUT YOU HAVE THINK OF A SHOW LIKE A PERSON. THIS SOUND ODD, BUT VIEWERS, WHETHER AWARE OR NOT, TREAT SHOWS LIKE PEOPLE. THEY INVITE SHOWS INTO LIVING ROOM. SPEND TIME WITH THEM. IT ACTUAL RELATIONSHIP. AND UNLESS THERE SOMETHING TO THEM, AN INNATE KINDNESS OR GENEROSITY, AN INCLUSIVENESS, OR EVEN SELF-EFFACING HUMANISM, THEN THE RELATIONSHIP INHERENTLY LIMITED. THEN THE SHOW NOTHING MORE THAN THAT HILARIOUS GUY YOU CAN’T STAND ACTUALLY BEING AROUND.
IN FACT, THE ONLY WAY BE “INCLUDED” IN SOUTH PARK, TO COMMISERATE ABOUT SOMETHING YOU BOTH HATE. WHICH MEAN IT BREED COMMISERATING ONLY VIA SEPARATION FROM OTHERS. SIMPLY PUT, SOUTH PARK KINDA A HORRIBLE HUMAN BEING.
WHICH ODD CAUSE HULK PRETTY SURE THAT NOT WHO MATT + TREY ACTUALLY ARE. LIBERTARIAN POLITICS ASIDE, IN INTERVIEWS THE TWO OF THEM VERY FRIENDLY AND GROUNDED. HULK EVEN MET MATT STONE A FEW TIMES AND COULD NOT BE NICER. THIS ACTUALLY MARGINAL EVIDENCE. WHAT FAR MORE TELLING = THAT IN THESE SAME INTERVIEWS THEY ALWAYS INSIST THEY SORT OF FIND “TOPIC OF WEEK” TO BE BOTHER AND THERE FAVORITE PARTS OF EPISODES WHERE KIDS JUST BEING KIDS OR WHEN THEY CAN JUST GO NUTS WITH THEIR OWN FUNNY STORY (IMAGINATIONLAND, THE TRAPPER KEEPER, ETC.). THESE OCCASIONAL FLOURISHES TEND TOUCH ON THESE MORE HUMAN, INCLUSIVE, INTIMATE MOMENTS. THEY NOT SAPPY. JUST MOMENTS WHERE THE LAUGHTER COME FROM RELATING INSTEAD INSTEAD OF MOCKING. HULK FIND THESE MOMENTS VERY TELLING, SOMETHING BUBBLING UNDER SURFACE, BUT THEY JUST SEEM TOO AFRAID MAKE IT HAPPEN IN LARGER CONTEXT. SOUTH PARK HAD BECOME DEFINED BY THE PUNK ROCK OR CRITIQUING SENSIBILITY, SO HULK FIGURE THEY MOSTLY COME DANCE WITH THE GIRL THEY BROUGHT. BUT IT ALWAYS IN THEM. TO DO SOMETHING BETTER. TO DO SOMETHING WE BARELY SEEN BEFORE.
LAST WEEK’S EPISODE FINALLY STRUCK OUT IN NEW DIRECTION.
AND HULK THINK THAT BASED ON HOW LONG THEY BEEN DOING THE UNSENTIMENTAL GAME (15 SEASONS) THE EARNED THE SHIT OUT OF THE RIGHT TO. HULK ACTUALLY FOUND KYLE AND CARTMAN GLANCING AT EACH OTHER PLAYING VIDEO GAMES TO BE MAYBE THE MOST CATHARTIC MOMENT IN SERIES. AND THERE NO SHOW THAT COULD THAT COULD HAVE PULLED OFF “LANDSLIDE” ENDING MONTAGE THIS DAY AND AGE WITHOUT ROLLING EYES, BUT SOUTH PARK CAN. BECAUSE THEY BOTH CLEARLY MOCKING IT AND YET, FOR ONE OF FIRST TIMES, MEANING IT FOR REAL.
AND NOW MAYBE SOUTH PARK CAN BECOME A TRULY GREAT SHOW INSTEAD OF JUST VERY FUNNY, SMART ONE. IF RANDY’S SEEMING REMOVAL, MEANS A SHIFTING FOCUS TO COMING OF AGE SHOW THEN HULK ON BOARD FOR FUTURE. NO MATTER WHAT IT WILL STILL BE SOUTH PARK FOR SURE, THAT UNDENIABLE. IT JUST DEPEND IF MATT AND TREY REALLY EMBRACE WHERE THEY AT.
EVEN SOUTH PARK HAS TO GROW THE FUCK UP.
STILL. THERE A CHANCE THAT NEXT SEASON COME AND TREY AND MATT SET EVERYTHING SQUARE AGAIN AND IT OFF ON THE WEEKLY ADVENTURES OF “WHAT TREND IDIOTIC NOW?” HULK WOULD NO BLAME THEM ENTIRELY.
THAT CAUSE THEY LIKELY HAVE WORRY ABOUT HOW THE CHURCH OF SOUTH PARK WILL REACT.
“THE CHURCH OF SOUTH PARK” AS HULK CALL IT = ONE OF THE UNINTENDED CONSEQUENCES OF THE SHOW’S APPEAL TO MIDDLE OF THE ROAD PRAGMATISM. IN ADDRESSING THE SHOW WAY THEY DID, IT BECAME RALLYING POINT FOR NOT JUST THE LIBERTARIAN MINDED, BUT THOSE FOLK WHO DID NOT REALIZE THEY COULD BE LIBERTARIAN MINDED (READ: MARGINALLY DISILLUSIONED WITH CURRENT STATE OF THINGS OR SIMPLY NOT INTERESTED). AS RESULT A STEADY AUDIENCE GREW THAT TAUGHT RELY ON SOUTH PARK TEACHING THEM NEW IDEALS… NEW IDEALS TERRIBLE OF PUTTING IT… IT JUST TEACH THEM NOT TO EMBRACE SOMETHING STUPID. GOING WITH THAT, IF THE SHOW ALREADY REFLECT SIMILAR IDEALS TO YOUR OWN, THEN THE SHOWS WEEK-TO-WEEK SKEWERING OFTEN TACKLE SUBJECT VIEWER NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT MUCH BEFORE. AND SINCE THEY TEND AGREE WITH SOUTH PARK’S TAKE MOST OF TIME, THEN THEY INCLINED TO AGREE WITH THIS TAKE ON THE OTHER THING.
BUT THE SHOW’S IDENTITY SO CENTERED AROUND SELF-RELIANCE THAT HULK GUESS THAT TREY + MATT COULD HARDLY IMAGINE HAVING SUCH INFLUENTIAL EFFECT, BUT IT UNQUESTIONABLY CAPTIAL-T-TRUE. HULK WATCH IT ALL THE TIME. THE SHOW, AS RALLYING POINT FOR SELF-RELIANCE, UNWITTINGLY CREATE JUST ANOTHER GROUP THAT THINK THEY SELF-RELIANT TYPES. AND THUS, THEY LOOK OUTWARDLY AND MOCK. AND IN THAT GROUP, SOUTH PARK HAVE THE BIGGEST SOAPBOX BY FAR. IT ONE OF THOSE PARADOXES ESPECIALLY FOR SHOW WITH PUNK ROCK SENSIBILITIES. BUT THAT WHAT HAPPENED (AND IT NO COINCIDENCE THAT IT HAPPEN WITH PUNK ROCK TOO).
AND THIS WHERE THE TRUE COMPLICATION COME IN. SINCE ALL THEY STOOD FOR = RIDICULING SOMETHING WEEK TO WEEK, THAT MAKE THE SHOW NOT JUST A PERSONIFIED CYNICAL ASSHOLE, BUT IT UNINTENTIONALLY PREACHED BECOMING A CYNICAL ASSHOLE TOO.
OKAY, THIS SORT OF OVERSTATING THINGS. HULK NOT THINK EVERYONE WATCHING SOUTH PARK = CYNICAL ASSHOLES. THAT INSIPID (AND HULK WATCH SOUTH PARK TOO SO COME ON). NOR HULK IMPLYING THAT THERE SOMETHING STUPID ABOUT FOLKS TAKING LOT OF SOUTH PARK TAKES ON SUBJECTS TO HEART. MOST WHO DO OFTEN FAIRLY MEASURED PEOPLE.
IT JUST HULK BELIEVE WE DEFINED BY WHAT WE ACTUALLY EMBRACE IN THIS WORLD. LIKE THE THINGS WE LOVE. HULK LOVE MOVIES. YOU MAY LOVE SOMETHING ELSE: TEACHING, POTTERY, ART, MUSIC, BEER-BREWING, SPORTS, WHATEVER. THE KEY TO ENJOYING IT THAT YOU HAVE EMBRACE IT. EMBRACING THINGS WHAT PUT GOOD STUFF IN THE WORLD. AND SOUTH PARK ENDORSE A CULTURE THAT TERRIFIED TO EMBRACE ANYTHING. ONLY ONE THAT ENDORSE BEING CRITICAL OF PERCEIVED EXCESS.
ASIDE FROM LAUGHTER (WHICH BEYOND VALUABLE AND TOTALLY MERITORIOUS) THE ONLY THING SOUTH PARK VIEWERS CAN ACTUALLY EMBRACE = SOUTH PARK.
AND THAT THE PART HULK NOT SURE MATT + TREY ENTIRELY REALIZED YET: THEIR ROLE IN CREATING THE CYNICAL ASSHOLE EPIDEMIC THEY A) SKEWERING AND B) REALIZING PART OF THEIR SELF-PERPETUATING PROBLEM.
THIS ALL SPEAK TO LARGER ISSUE TOO. HULK HATE GET POLITICAL IN THESE THINGS, BUT HERE IT SORT OF QUALIFIED BECAUSE IT DIRECTLY RELATED TO SUBJECT. THE PROBLEMS WITH LIBERTARIANISM INTRINSIC TO WHAT OUTLINED ABOVE. MAINLY, THAT THE ABSENCE OF SYSTEM IS NOT A SYSTEM. WORSE, ABANDONING STRONG SYSTEMS LEAD TO VACUUMS WHICH ALWAYS CREATE WORSE SYSTEMS.
THE GENERIC HISTORY OF THE LIBERTARIAN INCLINATION GO LIKE THIS: A LONG, LONG TIME AGO PEOPLE REALIZED THAT BY FORMING GROUPS THEY HAD STRONGER CHANCES SURVIVE, THRIVE, AND BE CONTENT (BIOLOGICAL IMPERATIVES TO MATE WITH NON-FAMILY MEMBERS HELPED TOO). THESE GROUPS CREATE COMMUNITIES, ONES THAT REALIZED THEY NEEDED PALPABLE SYSTEMS OF ORDER SO THAT RISE ABOVE ANARCHY. EVENTUALLY THESE SYSTEMS BECAME “LAWS” AND “GOVERNMENT.” EVEN IN MOST RUDIMENTARY STATE, THESE SYSTEMS BY VERY NATURE, DEEPLY FLAWED. THUS BORE THE LIBERTARIAN NOTION, WHICH, LOGICALLY, SEEKS TO LIMIT THE POWER OF THIS FLAWED SYSTEM. THE PROBLEM THAT THEY SOMEONE FORGETTING THE INCREDIBLE NEED THAT DEVELOP THESE SYSTEMS IN FIRST PLACE. SINCE SUMERIAN TIMES THIS DYNAMIC EXISTED (READ: IT NOT A NEW PROBLEM). THE INHERENT COMPLICATION COME FROM FACT THAT STRICT ADHERENCE TO THE LIBERTARIAN VALUE PRODUCE A REALITY THAT FAR WORSE. EVERY TIME WE SEEK TO LIMIT THE AFFECT OF SYSTEMIC COMMUNITY SERVICES, WE ESSENTIALLY ADVOCATING A MOVE BACK TOWARD ANARCHIC SQUALOR. AND IF THERE’S ANYTHING THAT ANARCHIC SQUALOR BREEDS IT’S DESPERATION. AND IF THERE ANYTHING DESPERATION BREEDS IT’S OPPORTUNISM. AND OPPORTUNISM BREEDS OPPRESSION (HULK GOING ALL YODA ON YOU) .ONLY THIS OPPRESSION FREE FROM GOVERNMENT INSTEAD OF BEING OF THE GOVERNMENT (WHICH HAVE CHECKS, BALANCES, PRESS, AND GENERAL ACCOUNTABILITY). IT A BIT OF A PARADOX BUT IT MAKE SENSE. BY ADVOCATING POLITICAL LIBERTARIANISM, THEY NO REALIZE IT ACTUALLY AN EXTREME POSITION.
PUT IT THIS WAY: FOR SOUTH PARK, FOR A SHOW ABOUT “BALANCE” THEY DO NOT REALIZE THEY ACTUALLY ON THE EXTREME END WITH THE OPPOSING SIDE BEING TOTALITARIANISM.
THE ABSENCE OF A SYSTEM IS NOT A SYSTEM.
JUST LIKE SAYING THINGS THAT IF ONLY TEARING TRENDS DOWN MAKE YOU A CYNICAL ASSHOLE, CREATING A POLITICAL SYSTEM THAT ONLY TEAR SERVICES DOWN IN NAME OF “RIGHT TO INDEPENDENCE” = EQUALLY HORRIBLE.
AND BORN FROM THIS ABSOLUTE DESIRE TO ABSTAIN FROM EMBRACING TRENDS, HULK CANNOT COUNT THE AMOUNT OF TIMES THE SHOW HAVE CREATED POINTS THAT MEANT AS “MEDIATED,” BUT THEY ACTUALLY ADVOCATING SOMETHING HORRIBLE: PROVERBIAL ANARCHIC SQUALOR. IN EFFORT TO SKEWER THE HYSTERIA, FERVOR, OR EVEN PASSION OF SUBJECT, THEY ALWAYS SKEWER THE CONTENT OF MESSAGE REGARDLESS. AND SOMETIMES THEY SHITTING ON SOMETHING COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY VALID. AND IT NO LIKE THESE JUST SHOWS THAT HULK DISAGREE WITH. IT THE CASE WHERE THEIR MEASURED “CENTEREDNESS” ACTUALLY ADVOCATING AN EXTREME.
EXAMPLES:
-BLOOY MARY
A.K.A. THE STUNNINGLY MISGUIDED SHOW THAT CRITICIZED ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS FOR ITS DISEASE CONCEPT AND RELIGIOUS OVERTONES. IT LAMPOONED THE IDEA OF SUBMITTING ONES PROBLEMS TO SOMETHING STRONGER THAN THEMSELVES. AFTER ALL, THE ONLY ALCOHOLICS NEED IS A LITTLE FUCKING DISCIPLINE. SERIOUSLY. THAT THEIR TAKE…. HULK SEE WHY THEY WENT AFTER THIS AS A.A. MESSAGE SEEM LIKE STARK ATTACK ON THE SANCTITY OF INDIVIDUAL SOVEREIGNTY (A FOCUL-POINT TO THE LIBERTARIAN IDEAL). WHAT IT COMPLETELY MISS THAT VAST MAJORITY OF ALCOHOLICS PEOPLE WHO SIMPLY NO HAVE THE CAPACITY FOR DISCIPLINE. THIS LACK STEM FROM HOST OF OTHER FACTORS AND SINCE ALCOHOL HAVE LITERAL DRUG EFFECTS, THEY SIMPLY ARE FIGHTING SOMETHING BIGGER THAN THEMSELVES. SO FOR THEM, DISPLINE HAS TO BE IN FORM OF ABSOLUTION. AND THAT PARADOX DOES NOT COMPUTE WITH SOUTH PARK’S SENSE OF MEDIATION. ALCOHOL MEDIATION WORK THEM AND IT WORK FOR HULK. BUT NOT FOR EVERYONE. A LITTLE ABSOLUTION SAVE A.A. MEMBER’S LIVES.
-DOUCHE AND TURD
AN ON-THE-NOSE METAPHOR FOR THE 2004 PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION. IT MAKE FUN ANYONE WHO THINK THERE ACTUALLY A DIFFERENCE IN TWO HORRIBLE CANDIDATES. NOW IGNORING POLITICAL INCLINATION ONE WAY OR OTHER, IF THE PRESUMED PROBLEM THAT THEY EQUALLY BAD AND ONE NOT SIMPLY AGREEING/DISAGREEING WITH CONSERVATISM, THEN HULK THINK IF FAIR SAY EVERYONE NOW REALIZE THAT ONE OF THEM WAY, WAY WORSE.(3A)
-TWO DAYS BEFORE THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW
IT LARGELY JUST MAKES FUN OF THE POST-KATRINA HYSTERIA. LEST HULK REMIND ALL THAT PEOPLE BEING HYSTERIC CAUSE AN AMERICAN CITY JUST DESTROYED. AND THAT MAY ACTUALLY BE SOMEWHAT PRUDENT RESPONSE. AND HONESTLY BLAMING THE GOVERNMENT FOR A LOT OF PROBLEMS IN THIS CASE ACTUALLY REALLY, REALLY VALID. BUT HULK’S BIGGEST PROBLEM WITH THE EP THAT THEIR GENERAL RESPONSE TO GLOBAL WARMING HOOPLAH INADVERTENTLY INDICATING THAT GLOBAL WARMING A COMPLETELY MADE-UP PROBLEM. SURE, THE GOAL FOR THIS EPISODE AIMED AT ENCOURAGING BEING MEASURED MEDIATION, BUT ALL THE TOPICS SKEWEREDNOT ACTUALLY CALLED FOR IT… WHATSOEVER AND HULK NOT GOING GET INTO IT HERE, BUT GLOBAL WARMING PRETTY FREAKING VALID (AT THE END FOOTNOTE #2).
-MANBEARPIG
AGAIN. TREY + MATT TREAT ANYTHING POLITICAL AS NOTHING MORE THAN RAH-RAH INCLINATION ONE WAY OR OTHER. HULK HAVE PROBLEM WITH THIS BECAUSE THEY NO SEEM TELL DIFFERENCE THE ASININE NATURE OF POLITICS AND AN ISSUE THAT JUST BECOME POLITICIZED. THERE SUBSTANTIAL DIFFERENCE. AND FAILURE TO RECOGNIZE THIS MAKE THEM NOTHING MORE THEN FLIPPANT. IN THIS EPISODE THEY LAMBAST A SCIENTIFICALLY VALID REALITY AS NOTHING MORE THAN ATTENTION WHORING ON PART OF FORMER CANDIDATE… AGAIN THEY JUST TRYING MAKE FUN OF HYSTERIA AND AL GORE’S BEHAVIOR, BUT THEY GO FURTHER THAN THAT AND SKEWER, YOU KNOW, SCIENTIFICALLY ACCURATE STUFF. IT REALLY DANGEROUS. ESPECIALLY SINCE THE CHURCH OF SOUTH PARK TEND LEGIT FOLLOW THE CREDENCE AND LIKELY AGREE. IF TREY + MATT THINK HULK JUST GOING OVERBOARD AND THEIR SHOW TOO ABSURD BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY, THEY NO REALIZE THAT MANBEARPIG HUGELY COMMON REFERENCE IN THE “DENIALOSPHERE.”
-201
THIS ONE INTERESTING BECAUSE IT ENDED UP SPURRING SOME PRETTY SERIOUS FREE SPEECH DISCUSSION AS FALLOUT. COMEDY CENTRAL HEAVILY CENSORED EPISODE DUE TO ITS FLIRTATIONS WITH SHOWING A DRAWN DEPICTION OF THE PROFIT MOHAMMAD (WHICH THE QURAN FORBID) . IT SPARKED OUTRAGE FROM BOTH SIDES (AND FAIR AMOUNT OF SHRUGGING) AND SPURRED ON “EVERYBODY DRAW MOHAMMAD DAY.”
THIS SORT OF VERY TRICKY CONVERSATION AND HULK WANT BE SURE HULK EXPRESS CONCERNS ABOUT THIS ISSUE VERY CAREFULLY + CLEARLY.
1) YES. HULK TOO FIND IT THE IDEA THAT ONE CAN NO SIMPLY DRAW IMAGE OF THE PROPHET MOHAMMAD TO BE THE ABSOLUTE WRONG KIND OF THINKING. IT WHOLLY BACKWARD AND DOGMATIC. BUT:
2) COMEDY CENTRAL A BUSINESS WHO AIR THEIR SHOW SO IT 100% WITHIN THEIR RIGHT TO CENSOR OR NOT AIR ANYTHING THEY FEEL REFLECT POORLY ON THEM OR EVEN PUT THEM IN DANGER. ANYONE DERIDING THEIR BEHAVIOR AS COWARDLY OR HYPOCRITICAL EQUALLY FREE IN THEIR RIGHT TO SAY SO, BUT THEY STILL PRETTY UNREALISTIC IN THEIR EXPECTATIONS OF A BUSINESS ENTITY. EVEN ONE AS GENERALLY CHILL AND EMPOWERING AS COMEDY CENTRAL.
3) WHICH MAKE THE FALLOUT AND “EVERYBODY DRAW MOHAMMAD DAY” BASICALLY AN EXERCISE IN PURSUIT OF LIBERTARIAN FREEDOM: FREE SPEECH FOR THE SAKE OF FREE SPEECH… IN ALL HONESTY HULK NOT GET THIS AS MOTIVATION. IT HAPHAZARDLY RENDER THE ACTIONS INHERENTLY MEANINGLESS. THE WORDS HAVE MEAN SOMETHING.
4) TO PROVE SUBJECTIVE NATURE OF THIS AND HOW WORDS FAR, FAR MORE IMPORTANT, HULK GOING ENGAGE IN THOUGHT EXPERIEMENT. THERE PART OF AMERICAN NEO-JUDEO-CHRISTIAN MIND THAT VERY MUCH SEE THIS EPISODE AND “EVERYBODY DRAW MOHAMMAD DAY” AS EXCERSIZING FREE SPEECH (AND PARTLY IN THE NAME OF COMEDY AND AS CRITICISM OF DOGMA). BUT WHAT HAPPENS WHEN CHANGE LENS? WHAT HAPPEN IF, SAY, HULK STOOD UP AND IN NAME OF PRACTICING FREE SPEECH STARTED SHOUTING “KILL THE FUCKING NIGGER CUNTS!” … NOW. OBVIOUSLY THESE WORDS DISGUSTING. THERE PART OF HULK THAT CAN NO EVEN BELIEVE HULK JUST WROTE THEM, BUT HULK WENT TO THAT EXTREME TO PROVE POINT. YOU THINK TWICE ABOUT THIS. BUT IF IT THE SAME EXERCIZE IN “FREE SPEECH” WHY NO SAY IT? CAUSE IT NOT SOMETHING YOU BELIEVE? SINCE THOSE WORDS HAVE DIRECT WEIGHT IN THE NEO-AMERICAN CONSCIOUSNESS IT BECOME LESS ABOUT THE EXERCISE IN FREE SPEECH AND MORE ABOUT THE MEANING INFERRED AND WHAT BEING SAID? SO COMPLETELY LOST IN “EVERYBODY DRAW MOHAMMED DAY” THAT THERE HUGE SCORES OF GENERAL PEOPLE WHO OFFENDED BY IT AND NOT JUST THE TERRORISTS WHO ACTUALLY THREATENED OVER THE WHOLE SITUATION. PEOPLE WHO NOT GOING THREATEN AND GO NUTS (WHICH THE REAL THING TREY + MATT CRITICIZING) BUT MANY WHO JUST FOUND IT CALLOUS AND UNCALLED FOR. IT JUST MEANT AS EXERCISE IN FREE SPEECH, BUT THE WORDS ALWAYS MATTER.
5) WHICH MEAN IT WORSE CAUSE THE NATURE OF “EVERYBODY DRAW MOHAMMAD” DAY SUBTLY DECEIVING. IT ALL TIE INTO HULK’S POINT OF SOUTH PARK BEING A SUPPOSED OUTLET FOR MEDIATION BUT REALLY BEING A PLACE THAT CATER TO INADVERTENTLY ASSUMING EXTREME POSITIONS. HULK ARGUE THIS THE MOST POSSIBLE DEGREE OF “DISAFFECTED” ONE CAN BE. EXTREME AND OFFENSIVE WHEN YOU DON’T EVEN CARE OR KNOW WHY YOU CARE. IT PART OF THE DANGER OF THE PROVERBIAL CHURCH OF SOUTH PARK. AND IT STRONGLY TIE INTO THE PROBLEMS THE SHOW FOUND IN ITSELF WITH “EVERYTHING IS SHIT.” SEE IT ALL CONNECTED! HULK NOT TOTALLY RAMBLING!
6) AND LASTLY ONT THIS DRAW MOHAMMAD FREE SPEECH THING. HULK TOTALLY UNDERSTAND THE POINT AND INCLINATION. BUT IF HULK WAS DOING IT, HULK WOULD ONLY DO IT TO MAKE A LARGE POINT ABOUT HOW HULK FELT ABOUT THE TRADITIONS OF MUSLIM CULTURE. AND THAT NOT HOW HULK FEEL ABOUT MUSLIM CULTURE WHATSOEVER. SO THERE NO REASON EFFECTIVELY EVEN IF EXERCISING A “FREEDOM”… AND BESIDES, HULK GONNA PUT THIS ONE SIMPLY: WHEN IT COME TO POSSIBLY INCITING THE WRATH OF SMALL GROUP OF PEOPLE WHO CRAZY-ANGRY THEN EMBRACE SOME COMMON SENSE OF DIFFERENT KIND: DO NOT TAUNT THE DYNAMITE MONKEY.
AND FOR RECORD, FOR EVERY ONE OF THESE EPISODES THAT MISSTEPS THERE SOME EPISODE OF SOUTH PARK THAT SO WONDERFULLY ON POINT THAT THEY INSPIRE GENUINE DELIGHT. (5)
WHICH BRING BACK TO THE OTHER NIGHT AND “YOURE GETTING OLD.”
THE SHOW TRULY STRUCK HULK AS SOMETHING MORE THAN IT EVER BEEN. SOMETHING SO FAR AWAY FROM ALL THE PROBLEMS HULK TALK ABOUT HERE. IT FELT LIKE A DIRECT MESSAGE TO THEMSELVES AND PERHAPS THE CHURCH OF SOUTH PARK…
EVEN SOUTH PARK HAS TO GROW THE FUCK UP.
ENDNOTES:
(1) HULK SHOULD DIVULGE THAT EVEN THOUGH HULK BEEN WATCHING SHOW SINCE INCEPTION, HULK PROBABLY CATCH ABOUT 80% OF GIVEN SEASON. FOR REASONS STATED IN BIT, IT JUST NOT APPOINTMENT TELEVISION. SO HULK JUST SORT OF CATCH UP WHEN COME AROUND NEXT DAY OR WHENEVER.
(2) PUNK ROCK MEANING ORIGINAL PUNK ROCK MANTRA, NOT THE CORPORATIZED VERSION. WHEN IT THE ANTI-ANTI. PURE INVERSIONISM.
(3) THIS SHOWCASED THROUGH THE SHOW’S FUNNIEST CHARACTER RANDY, THE FLIPPANT STOCKHOLM SYNDROME INCLINED DOOFUS, WHO WHILE BEING PERFECT FOR THE “TOPIC OF THE WEEK” SKEWERING IS, ESSENTIALLY, CHEATING… AT LEAST UNTIL LAST WEEK’S EP.
(3A) LIKE SOUTH PARK, HULK KEENLY AWARE THAT ALL POLITICAL CANDIDATES HAVE SOME FORM OF HORRIBLENESS. THERE NO OTHER REASON GET INTO POLITICS OTHER THAN DO THAT. IT JUST THAT BUSH, AS NICE AND DOWN HOME GUY AS HE WAS AND EVEN IF AGREED WITH IS POLITICS, WAS A STUNNING FAILURE OF A PRESIDENT ON EVERY OBJECTIVE LEVEL. SO SOMETIMES THERE A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN DOUCHE AND TURD.
(4) MANY ARGUE SHOW JUST LIVING INCARNATION OF DEVILS ADVOCATE. BUT DEVILS ADVOCATE AT ITS BEST IT CAN ONLY BE A TOOL TO CREATE REFLECTION. IT NOT A LIFESTYLE.
(5) TO PROVE HULK NOT JUST RAGGING ON SHOW, HULK GOING SHARE FAVORITE EPISODES THAT HULK THINK WORK BEAUTIFULLY:: 1. GOOD TIMES WITH WEAPONS 2. CHRISTIAN ROCK HARD 3. MAKE LOVE, NOT WARCRAFT 4. THE IMAGINATIONLAND TRILOGY (AGAIN, HULK LOVE WHEN THEY EMBRACE THE BATSHIT NONSEQUITERS) 5. CARTMAN SUCKS 6. AWESOM-O (IF ONLY FOR THE ADAM SANDLER PITCHES) 7. THE PURITY RING (SELL SEX TO LITTLE GIRLS) 8. 4TH GRADE (WHICH THE ONLY OTHER EPISODE IN SERIES TO ATTEMPT TO COVER RESONANCE OF CHANGE) AND WHOLE BUNCH OF OTHERS.
LET GET ONE THING STRAIGHT: SUPER 8 HAVE QUALITIES THAT TRULY SPECIAL ABOUT IT. FOR ONE, J.J. ABRAMS CONTINUE STREAK OF DIRECTION THE COMPLETELY ASSURED AND IN CONTROL. ALMOST EVERY SINGLE DETAIL PUT TOGETHER WITH IMPECCABLE CARE. ASIDE FROM JJ’S BATSHIT LENS FLARE OBSESSION, EVERY ANGLE, BEAT, AND FRAME CONVEY EQUAL PARTS HUMOR, GRACE, TERROR, OR WHATEVER HE WANT YOU FEEL AT GIVEN MOMENT. THE MAN A GREAT TECHNICAL FILMMAKER AND THERE SO MANY LITTLE THINGS HULK LOVE: THE GRAIN AND TEXTURE OF THE FILM, THE WAY KIDS PRETTY MUCH GOING APESHIT IN THE BACKGROUND ALL THE TIME WITHOUT FEEL TOO FORCED.
BUT THE THING HULK LOVE BEST THAT COLLECTIVE PERFORMANCE OF THE YOUNG CAST SIMPLY TOP NOTCH. FOR ONE, ELLE FANNING SO UNFATHOMABLY GOOD IN IT. THIS TWO IN A ROW NOW FOR HER AND HULK VERY EXCITED FOR HER FUTURE CAUSE SHE SUBTLY HAVE LOT OF RANGE THAT WILL TRANSLATE NICE INTO OTHER ROLES. JOEL COURTNEY PERFECTLY SERVICEABLE AS THE WIDE-EYED-SWEET-NATURED-EVERYKID THRUST INTO MIDDLE OF EVENTS. THE DIRECTOR KID = BIG BRAZEN HILARIOUSNESS. THERE MARTIN THE ADORABLE FOUR-EYED “ACTOR” THAT LOOK SO MUCH LIKE MARTIN STARR HULK CURIOUS IF IT NOT ON PURPOSE. THERE FIREWORKS KID GET THE BEST LINES AND OFTEN STEAL THE SHOW. AND THE KID WHO HAVE FUNNY FACE AND JUST LOOK-TERRIFIED-ALL-THE-TIME A NICE LITTLE ADDITION. BUT AGAIN, THE MOVIE BELONG TO FANNING. BECAUSE IF SHE NOT KIND AND LUMINOUS THEN THE MOVIE NOT WORK AT ALL.(1)
BECAUSE OF EVERYTHING HULK JUST MENTION, THE MOVIE SEEM BE DOING WELL WITH AUDIENCES. SURE THERE A FEW CONVERSATIONS ABOUT NATURE OF NOSTALGIA… WHICH HULK FEEL LIKE SORT OF THE WRONG CONVERSATION BE HAVING. HULK WORRIED ABOUT THIS OVERT-HOMAGE GOING IN BUT WITHIN TWO SECONDS HULK FULLY ACCEPT IT ON TERMS OF OWN MOVIE. IT PRETTY MUCH NON-ISSUE FOR HULK. SO THAT LEAVE THE ONLY REAL THING THAT THE FEW DETRACTORS TALKING ABOUT = THE PROBLEMS WITH THE SCRIPT.
THEY ABSOLUTELY RIGHT TO DO.
THE SCRIPT SECRETLY A MESS. IT “SECRET” BECAUSE THE FILM SHARP ENOUGH IN VERY AREAS WHERE THE MOVIE ABSOLUTELY NEED IT BE STRONG. THE DIALOGUE = NATURAL, ON-POINT, VERY KID-LIKE, OFTEN MOVING, AND ALWAYS FUNNY. THE KID CHARACTERS COMPLETELY FLESHED OUT AND MESH WELL TOGETHER. IT JUST THAT A GOOD DEAL OF PROBLEMS RESULT FROM A FEW MIDDLING STORY DECISIONS. EVEN MORE COME FROM CASE OF “WHAT IN WORKS BUT WHAT MISSING?”AND THE BIGGEST PROBLEM COME FROM A CORE IDENTITY CRISIS. BUT THE FILM JUST PLOD THROUGH THESE THINGS FULL-STEAM AHEAD. SURE, IT HAVE ENOUGH MOMENTUM CARRY YOU THROUGH… BUT… THESE STORY PROBLEMS JUST LEAVE VIEWER WITH TINY BIT SENSE OF BEING UNDERWHELMED. A FEELING THAT SOMETHING NOT QUITE RIGHT. FEW WILL TOTALLY REALIZE THEY JUST SAW MOVIE THAT DREADFULLY NOT KNOW WHAT IT EVEN TRYING TO DO.
THIS BOTHER HULK.
IT BOTHER HULK BECAUSE IT THE KIND OF THING HULK SEE ALL TOO OFTEN. FILMS WITH GREAT, COMPETENT ENERGY YET RIDDLED WITH POOR STORY FOUNDATIONS. NOW, UNLIKE MOST OTHER BLOCKBUSTERS (LET JUST CALL IT THE MICHAEL BAY SCHOOL OF NONSENSE), ABRAMS CRAFT HIS FILMS WITH GENUINE SINCERITY AND GUILE. SO THERE WAY IN WHICH THEY NOT THE SAME TEAM, BUT IN SOME WAYS THEY PLAYING THE SAME SPORT. IT JUST ABRAMS DISTRACTING AUDIENCE WITH WAY, WAY, WAY BETTER FILMMAKING AND OFTEN TIMES MAKING UP FOR IT. IF WANT CONTINUE DUMB SPORTS ANALOGIES ABRAM’S MOVIES BEEN LIKE TEAMS WITH EXCEPTIONAL LINEUP. THEY CAN MASH AND WIN GAMES 12-11 BUT IT NOT HIDING FACT THAT MOST OF TIME THEIR PITCHERS THROWING GARBAGE. IN THIS CASE THE GARBAGE THE BASIC SENSE OF STORYTELLING.
HULK ATTRIBUTE THIS REALITY TO FACT NO ONE HAVE IDEA HOW LOOK AT SCRIPT ANYMORE AND SEE SAME PROBLEMS THAT WILL LATER REGISTER ON SCREEN. MOST SCRIPTS GO THROUGH PRODUCER AND STUDIO NOTES, BUT THE PROCESS OF THESE ROUNDS INCLUSIVE OF SO MUCH NON-STORYTELLING BULLSHIT THAT IT JAW-DROPPING (TRUST HULK). AND QUITE FRANKLY WHAT OFTEN HAPPEN THAT THEY COME UP WITH REALLY GOOD MICRO-SOLUTIONS WHILE NEVER ADDRESSING THE BIG ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM (OFTEN CAUSE THE ELEPHANT SOMEHOW INTRINSIC TO WHY IT GETTING MADE IN FIRST PLACE). EVEN REAL TRUE FILM GEEKS NO SEEM KNOW DICK ABOUT STORYTELLING. SURE, THEY KNOW “SCREENWRITING” AND CAN TELL HULK WHEN SOMETHING OFF IN TERMS OF SCENE CONSTRUCTION, TONE, OR REFERENCE. AND YEAH THEY CAN TELL YOU ALL ABOUT PLOT HOLES A-Z. BUT WHEN COME DOWN TO BASIC STORYTELLING: CHARACTER MOTIVES, STORY ECONOMY, INCLUSION/EXCLUSION, REVEALS, TIMING… THEY NEVER SEEM BE ABLE TRULY ARTICULATE IN SAME WAY THEY CAN THE MORE “CINEMATIC” CONCERNS.
HULK CAN SENSE READER ROLLING EYES AT THIS POINT. HULK OFFICIALLY GOING OVERBOARD WITH THIS STORYTELLING 101 ANGLE LATELY? HULK JUST COMPLAINING TOO MUCH ABOUT PARTICULAR VALUE HULK HAVE FOR MOVIES? OKAY WISE GUY [HULK CRACKIN THE OLE’ SMASHIN KNUCKLES]
WHAT FOLLOW NOT CONTINUATION OF REVIEW BUT INSTEAD ALL OF HULK’S NOTES/SUGGESTIONS FOR THE MOVIE AND HOW IT SHOULD FIXED MASSIVE PROBLEMS.
AND FAIR WARNING IT DEEPLY, DEEPLY SPOILERY:
-WHY THE HELL THERE AN ALIEN IN THIS MOVIE?
FOR AN ALIEN MOVIE, IT A STRANGELY LEGIMATE QUESTION. AFTER ALL, FOR LARGE SEQUENCES IN SUPER 8, BASICALLY ALL THE ONES WHERE THEY NOT RUNNING AROUND SCARED FROM LOUD NOISES, THEY DOING THINGS THAT HAVE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING DO WITH THE ALIEN. YOU MAY ARGUE TO HULK THIS THE POINT: THAT THIS REALLY JUST THE STORY OF TWO YOUNG KIDS FALLING IN LOVE AMIDST A GROUP OF MISFIT FRIENDS. HULK THINK YES, THAT THE CORE OF STORY, SO WHY IT REALLY THERE? ESPECIALLY WHEN CONSIDER THAT THE ALIEN REALLY HAVE NO AFFECT ON THEIR STORY. HOW IT CHANGE WHAT HULK DESCRIBED OTHER THAN LEND “PRODUCTION VALUE” TO THEIR SHORT. HECK, EVEN THE LIFE AND DEATH SITUATIONS SEEM HAVE LITTLE AFFECT THEM. IT CERTAINLY BARELY EVEN AFFECT THE DECISIONS THEY MAKE. THEY JUST CONTINUE FILMMING THE NEXT DAY AFTER TRAIN CRASH AS IF NOTHING HAPPEN. MAYBE THIS SOME SORT OF COMMENTARY ON KID NATURE, BUT REALLY IT JUST HIGHLIGHT WHY IT NOT NEEDED. AND LIKE EVERONE IN AUDIENCE, HULK THOUGHT THAT AS KIDS COME CLOSER TO THE ALIEN THAT IT ALL WOULD INTWINE TOGETHER AND IN DOING SO THE POINT OF MOVIE THEN WOULD RESONATE POWERFULLY. INSTEAD WE MEET ALIEN AND HULK TREATED TO JOE’S SHORT DIALOGUE ABOUT HOW BAD THINGS HAPPEN. THE ALIEN DROP THE KID. THEY JOIN TOGETHER. THE ALIEN TAKE OFF IN SHIP. END MOVIE. AS IN LAST FRAME OF STORY.
UM. WHAT? WHAT THIS FILM SUPPOSED BE ABOUT? SURE, AT LAST SECOND THE LOCKET LEAVE JOE’S POCKET TO GO TOO. AS JOE HANG ON THIS MAKE THE ALIEN CLEAR METAPHOR FOR… WHAT? HOPEFULLY NOT JOE’S MOTHER. JOE’S GRIEF MORE LIKELY? THEIR COLLECTIVE GRIEF? ALL THE BAD THINGS THEY DONE TO EACH OTHER? THAT SOUND PRETTY NICE BUT THAT ALSO MAKE NO SENSE AND EACH SUGGESTION DEEPLY INCONSISTENT WITH SOME ASPECT OF THE ALIEN’S “STORY.” AND WHAT MORE THAT JOE PRETTY WELL-ADJUSTED TO HIS MOM DYING ALL THINGS CONSIDERED. SO THAT LOCKET GESTURE NOT FEEL RIGHT OR PERTINENT TO ARC (HULK EXPLAIN THIS BETTER LATER). SO, AGAIN, WHY THE LAST FRAME OF MOVIE FOCUSED ON THEM WATCHING THE ALIEN SHIP LEAVING? TO BE MORE LIKE E.T.? CAUSE THEY LETTING GO THEIR PROBLEMS AND BAD THINGS? GIVE HULK BREAK. THE MOMENT NOT RESONATE OTHER THAN REMINDING US OF OTHER THINGS IT LIKE.
SO HULK ASK, WHY AGAIN THERE ALIEN? THINK OF THIS WAY: IF THE ALIEN HAD NO BEEN THERE, WHAT WOULD HAVE STOPPED JOE AND ALICE FROM FALLING IN LOVE? (WHICH HULK ARGUE THE MAIN PLOT OF MOVIE.)
THE ANSWER = NOTHING WOULD HAVE. IT BARELY EVEN ELEVATE THEM.
–WHY DID THE ALIEN GET AN E.T. ENDING IF THE MOVIE SPEND 3/4 THE RUNNING TIME TREATING IT LIKE JAWS?
THIS ALSO CRUCIAL. IT SEEM LIKE JJ WANT TELL HUMANIZING ALIEN STORY, BUT OBVIOUSLY THAT JUST END UP BEING REMAKE OF E.T. SO INSTEAD JJ CHEAT AND JUST GO HALVSIES. THE MOVIE TREAT THE MONSTER LIKE THIS HORRIBLE THING ATTACKING AND KILLING PEOPLE. THEN IN ONE STUPID BLACK AND WHITE “DHARMA REEL” IT SUDDENLY LIKE “LET ME EXPLAIN EVERYTHING MOMENT” THE MONSTERS HISTORY REVEALED. AND WE TOLD “WE MADE IT LIKE THIS. IT JUST WANT GO HOME.” BUT WE STILL SEE IT ATTACKING FOLKS AND WHEN IT ALL COME TOGETHER IN CLIMAX THE AUDIENCE GET FROM MONSTER… NOTHING REALLY. IT JUST BRIEF EMOTIONAL BEAT ON JOE’S PART, BUT THERE NOTHING FROM THE MONSTER. IT JUST SORT OF SHOW MOMENT OF MERCY (AND LITERALLY OPEN ITS EYES. UGH) BUT THERE NO TRUE HUMANIZING. WHICH ODD CAUSE WE TOLD TOUCHING THE MONSTER AN AMAZING EXPERIENCE WHERE THE PERSON TOUCHED EXPERIENCE WHAT THE MONSTER HAS AND SEES WHAT IT WANTS AND ITS HISTORY. BUT THE AUDIENCE NO EXPERIENCE THIS WHATSOEVER. JOE ACTUALLY THE EXACT SAME BEFORE HE TOUCHED AS HE IS AFTER. AND AS RESULT HULK GIVE NO SHIT ABOUT IT THE MONSTER. NO EMPATHY. NOTHING. THE MONSTER IN THIS MOVIE ALL SOUND AND FURY. AND THEN, NOTHING.(2)
–SO MAKE ALIEN EXPRESSIVE GOD DAMMIT
THE DESIGN OF BOTH THIS MONSTER AND THE ONE FROM CLOVERFIELD BOTH AMAZINGLY DISAPPOINTING. THEY BOTH MULTI-LIMBED SACKS OF AMPORPHOUS GRAY BULLSHIT (AND CONSPIRACY THEORIES ABOUND THAT THEY SAME RACE OF MONSTER. HULK SURE THIS DELIGHT JJ BUT THIS NOT PLEASE HULK CAUSE THEIR CINEMATIC PHYSIOLOGY SUCK EQUALLY AS MUCH).
BUT HERE THE REVEAL OF THE MONSTER SHOULD RESONATE (HULK KEEP USING WORD MONSTER AND ALIEN INTERCHANGEABLY. THIS ACTUALLY ON PURPOSE). THE MONSTER SHOULD BE EXPRESSIVE AND TRUE. WE NEVER FUCKING SEE THIS INHERENT GOODNESS IT SUPPOSED TO HAVE. INSTEAD. WE JUST TOLD. HULK WAGER THE “EYE” REVEAL SUPPOSED TO DO THIS, BUT IT NOT ENOUGH ESTABLISH EMPATHY. IT JUST COME OFF AS BAD SYMBOLIC GESTURE. THE WHOLE SCENE WITH JOE COME OFF LIKE THE BRIEF TAMING OF WILD BEAST, WHICH WOULD BE NEAT AND ALL IF NOT EXPRESSLY STATED THAT THE MONSTER “WAY ADVANCED” AND AGAIN BENEVOLENT AND ALL THAT SHIT. E.T. WORK CAUSE HE EXPRESSIVE. KING KONG WORK CAUSE HE EXPRESSIVE. TOOTHLESS WORK CAUSE HE EXPRESSIVE. LIST GO ON AND ON OF ALL THESE NO-HUMAN CHARACTERS WHO WORK, EVEN IN BRIEF SCENES, CAUSE THEIR AFFECTATION HUMANE AND THEY HAVE A CONNECTION OTHER THAT THE AUDIENCE BEING TOLD THEY GOOD ON INSIDE AND THEY STARED DEAD-EYED AT US FOR ONE SECOND. EVEN IF YOUR MONSTER HAVE LAST ACT CHARACTER TURN WHERE YOU SUDDENLY WANT HELP IT… IT NEED BE FUCKING EXPRESSIVE. IT’S VERY OWN PAIR OF EYEBALLS NOT ENOUGH.
–IF ANYONE TOUCHED BY THE ALIEN SUDDENLY WANT TO HELP IT, WHY IT NOT HAVE THEM, YOU KNOW, HELP?
HULK THOUGHT THIS OBVIOUSLY WHERE IT GOING. ALL THE PEOPLE CAPTURED WOULD BE HELPING IT REBUILDING SHIP. INSTEAD THEY ALL HUNG UPSIDE DOWN (WHERE THE BLOOD RUSHING TO HEAD THING WOULD SEVERELY INJURE/KILL THEM?) AND THEY KEPT THERE AS WHAT? AND WHY? IT MEANT AS SOME KIND OF HARM? IT MAKE NO RATIONAL SENSE, EVEN LESS NARRATIVE SENSE AND ABSOLUTELY NO THEMATIC SENSE. IT SEEM LIKE JUST ENGINEERED DEVICE TO HAVE JOE GO RESCUE ALICE (THIS WHERE THE CHARMING NATURE OF PERFORMANCE/DIALOGUE WORK ITS WONDERS. WE BLINDED BY JOE’S GREAT “I’M DOING MY BEST TO SAVE YOU” LINE. IT SO GOOD THAT IT JUST SADLY DISTRACT FROM THE LACK OF SENSE EVERYTHING MAKING). THEN, IF JOE AND THE MAIN CHARACTERS ALL SUDDENLY HELPING THE MONSTER AGAINST THE MILITARY, THE MONSTER STILL COULD HAVE BEEN THE AMORPHOUS BIO-SACK THAT JJ WANTED IT BE, AND YET IT WOULD HAVE STILL HELPED HUMANIZE IT FOR EMOTIONAL RESONANCE IN THE FINAL SCENE CAUSE WE “WITH IT” INSTEAD OF “WATCHING IT.”
–MAKE ALICE’S DAD EVEN MORE RESPONSIBLE FOR JOE’S MOM DYING
THIS SLIGHTLY MORE LITTLE THING BUT IT REALLY ANNOYING. IN OPENING WHEN ALICE’S DAD KICKED OUT OF THE WAKE EVERYONE ASSUME IT CAUSE HE DIRECTLY CAUSE THE ACCIDENT THE KILLED JOE’S MOM. INSTEAD WHAT HAPPENED HE JUST GET DRUNK AND MISS SHIFT. MOM TOOK OVER AND HAVE THE ACCIDENT. THIS NOT WORK AS SOME BIG REVEAL TO AUDIENCE THOUGH. IT ACTUALLY JUST ILLICIT A “OH THAT’S ALL MOMENT?” FROM AUDIENCE CAUSE THEY EXPECTING WAY WORSE FROM WHAT PREVIOUSLY ESTABLISHED (ESPECIALLY AFTER THE DAD FORBADE HIM FROM SEEING ALICE. THAT SORT OF A BIG LEAP CAUSE DAD MISSED A SHIFT). THE REAL UNFORTUNATE PART THAT THIS “OH THAT ALL?” MOMENT COME IN THE MIDDLE OF ELLE FANNING’S AMAZING AND EMOTIONAL MONOLOGUE. IT ANOTHER POORLY CONSTRUCTED STORY DETAIL THAT GOT IN WAY OF EVEN BETTER MOMENT. HULK SUPPOSE THEY MADE THIS “SHIFT MISS” CHOICE SO HER DAD NOT SEEM SOOOOOO HORRIBLE… BUT YOU KNOW WHAT MORE HUMANIZING? DEEP, TRUE, INESCAPABLE GUILT. THAT SOMETHING HUMAN. YOU KNOW WHAT SORT OF OFF-PUTTING? A CHARACTER BEING EXISTENTIALLY MOROSE OVER SOMETHING THAT NOT COMPLETELY CALL FOR IT.
–GETTING BACK TO LOCKET THING: WHY THIS MOVIE MAIN THEME ABOUT JOE LETTING GO OF HIS MOM?
THIS TRULY WHAT HULK UNDERSTAND LEAST. BY ALL ACCOUNTS, WE NEVER SEE JOE DEVASTATED BY DEATH OF HIS MOM. HE SAD FOR SURE. HE YOUNG. HE STILL HOLDING ON TO HER (LITERALLY, YOU KNOW, WITH THE LOCKET, GET IT?!?!!?) BUT BY ALL ACCOUNTS HE FUNCTIONAL YOUNG MAN, WHO WELL-ADJUSTED, WHO READY FOR YOUNG LOVE WITH GIRL WHO HE CLEARLY NOT BLAME FOR MOTHERS DEATH (NOR HER DAD)… SO WHAT EXACTLY HE HOLDING ON TO AGAIN? YES, THE DAD CLEARLY HOLDING ON. HE SEEN CRYING FIRST. HE NEVER CLOSE WITH HIS SON. HE NOT KNOW RAISE HIM. THIS ALL CLEARLY ESTABLISHED. BUT THEN HE SPEND ENTIRE MOVIE AWAY FROM HIM. BUT AS FOR JOE? JOE PRETTY MUCH FINE. HIS ARC A LOVE STORY (AND WELL-DONE ONE AT THAT) SO WHY THIS VERY NICE MOMENT WHERE HE LET GO OF THE LOCKET SUPPOSED TO BE THE DEFINING MOMENT OF MOVIE? YES, AGAIN, HE LITERALLY CARRYING IT ALL MOVIE BUT THIS THE ONLY FUCKING WAY HIS MOMS DEATH HAVE AFFECT ON HIM. IT WINDOW DRESSING AND SET-UP FOR THE DAD. SO WHY JOE LETTING GO? IT JUST ONE THOSE THINGS THAT FEEL LIKE NEAT CONVENTION… UNLESS THIS ALL ABOUT HIM GETTING OVER HIS OEDIPUS COMPLEX AND MOVE ON WITH REAL GIRL… BUT THAT MOVIE BE A LOT WEIRDER.
–THE MOVIE SHOULD BE ABOUT JOE’S RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS DAD
AND YET IT ABSOLUTELY STAYS AWAY FROM IT. THE ENTIRE DEATH OF MOTHER PLOTLINE CLEARLY MEAN SETTING THIER RELATIONSHIP UP. IT ALL PRECURSOR. SO WHAT HAPPEN? INSTEAD OF HAVING ANY KIND OF ARC WITH SON, THE EXCEPTIONAL KYLE CHANDLER SPEND NEARLY HIS ENTIRE SCREEN TIME RUNNING AROUND DEALING WITH TOWN FOLK PROBLEMS AND THEN BEING SEQUESTERED ON AIR FORCE BASE. YOU MAY SAY TO HULK THAT THE POINT! THEY HAVE NO RELATIONSHIP. RIGHT? YES, BUT THAT JUST ACT 1 SCENE 1. THE MOVIE CLEARLY SUPPOSED TO MOVE ON FROM THERE AND ACTUALLY HAVE ARC. INSTEAD THEY EACH GO HAVE THEIR OWN ADVENTURE (CHANDLER’S SHERIFF ADVENTURES PARTICULARLY SUPERFLUOUS) AND THE ADJUSTMENTS THEY EVEN TRY MAKE COME AT VERY END OF MOVIE WHERE DAD JUST GLAD HE FOUND JOE. THAT IT. HULK GET NO SENSE OF HOW THEY GOING LIVE TOGETHER AND MAKE PEACE. WHICH ALL AUDIENCE WANTED. NO BIG THING. JUST ONE SENSE OF HOW THEIR ARC COULD DO THIS. WHAT A WASTE.
–AND HERE THE ABSOLUTE FINAL BEST SOLUTION FOR SUPER 8: GET RID OF THE ALIEN. MAKE THE MOVIE A KID’S LOVE STORY SET AGAINST GROUP OF FILMMAKING MISFITS IN THE 70’S, AND HIS COMING TO LOVE HIS FATHER.
AND THAT THE REAL RUB, RIGHT? THINGS LIKE LOVE STORY, GREAT ACTING, OBSERVATIONAL NATURALISM, AND EMOTIONAL INVESTMENT OFTEN CONSIDERED JUST THE WINDOW DRESSING FOR SUMMER MOVIES. THE KIND OF STUFF THAT, IF DONE WELL CAN ELEVATE A BLOCKBUSTER TO RARIFIED STATUS OF “CLASSIC.” INSTEAD SUPER 8 DELIVER THE STRANGEST THING HULK EVER SEEN… A MOVIE WHERE THE BASIC ACTION SCENES THE THING THAT ACTUALLY FEEL OUT OF PLACE. ULTIMATELY, IT IRRECONCIABLE. BUT HOW THIS HAPPEN? HOW SOMETHING COME OUT THIS HALF-BAKED? HULK ACTUALLY HAVE GOOD IDEA…
HULK WILLING TO BET JJ SAT DOWN RIGHT SCARY ALIEN KIDS MOVIE AND ULTIMATELY JUST FELL IN LOVE THE KIND OF STORY HE TELLING ABOUT YOUNG BOY, YOUNG GIRL, AND THE FILM THEY MAKING. THE ALIEN THAT STARTED THE IDEA JUST BECAME SECONDARY AND BECAUSE SO INTERESTED IN THE “SUPER 8” REAL STORY (DO WE GET IT NOW), THE ACTUAL SCI-FI HOOK OF THE MOVIE FELL BY WAYSIDE. IN FACT, HULK WOULD PUT MONEY ON IT.
HULK ASK YOU THIS: WHY ELSE RUN THE CREDITS WITH THE KID’S ZOMBIE FILM IN THERE? HULK THINK THIS THE TRUE END OF THE MOVIE AND AN ABSOLUTE DELIGHT. BUT ESPECIALLY AFTER THE CUT-SHORT ENDING WHERE EVERYONE WATCH THE ALIEN LEAVE, HULK GO ONE BETTER: IT NOT JUST AFTERTHOUGHT, IT THE REAL CLIMAX OF THE ONLY STORY ABRAMS INTERESTED IN. IT CERTAINLY THE ONLY STORY THE AUDIENCE INTERESTED IN. THE SECOND IT CAME UP AFTER FIRST FEW CREDITS THE ENTIRE AUDIENCE CHEERED IN EXASPERATION JUST DELIGHTED THEY GOT NOT THIS “EXTRA-BIT” BUT THE THING THEY WANTED FROM STORY MOST OF ALL.
IT WAS WHAT THEY WAITING FOR.
SO TELL HULK, WHAT MOVIE WAS JJ REALLY MAKING?
IN CONCLUSION(3) HULK WANT TURN ATTENTION TO ATTACK THE BLOCK TO MAKE FINAL POINT TO READER. AND THAT FINAL POINT THAT YOU SHOULD GO SEE ATTACK THE BLOCK (IF NO HAVE SEEN) INSTEAD OF SUPER 8 THIS WEEKEND. DON’T WORRY, THE FILMS VERY, VERY SIMILAR. THEY BOTH ABOUT 5 YOUNG FRIENDS WHO DISCOVER AN OUTWARD SUPERNATURAL THREAT. EACH FILM MIXES THEIR KID-CENTRIC “I’M INVINCIBLE!” APPROACH WITH MOMENTS OF “HOLY-SHIT!” TERROR. EACH FILM IS FUNNY, WARM, AND WELL OBSERVED. BOTH FILMS HEAVILY INDEBTED TO AMBLIN.
BUT SUPER 8 A MOVIE MEANT AS DIRECT HOMAGE (AND WITH THE BEARD HIMSELF WORKING ON IT, DO THAT MAKE IT A MASTERBATOMAGE?(4)) WHEREAS ATTACK THE BLOCK A SINGULAR FILM THAT INSTEAD INVOKE THE SPIRIT AND INNOVATION OF AMBLIN. INSTEAD OF SPIELBERG, THEY VEER MORE TOWARDS THE LESS-TREAD-ON JOE DANTE AND GREMLINS. BUT MORE THAN JUST THIS INDEPENDENCE, ATTACK THE BLOCK A FILM THAT SIMPLY WORK MUCH, MUCH, MUCH BETTER ON ALL LEVELS. HULK ALREADY GONE INTO DEEPLY THE AMAZING THEMATICS THAT RESONATED WITH HULK, BUT MORE SPECIFICALLY IT A FILM THAT SEEMLESSLY INTEGRATE THE ALIEN PLOTLINE SEEMLESSLY INTO THE RICH TEXTURED THEMATICS. THE TWO CAN NO BE INDEPENDENT OF THE OTHER. THEY BOTH THE DIRECT CAUSE OF ONE ANOTHER. IT CALLED STORYTELLING. EVEN MORE SPECIFICALLY ATTACK THE BLOCK KNEW HOW 3RD ACT “HUMANIZE” THEIR ALIENS WITHOUT THEM LOSING THEIR EDGE OR FEROCITY. SOMETHING THAT JJ TRIED DO WITHOUT KNOWING HOW.
SO WHY SUPER 8 GONNA MAKE LOTS OF MONEY AND ATTACK THE BLOCK NOT? PROBABLY THE NAMES AND THE SUPPORT BEHIND EACH. BUT TAT OBVIOUS. STILL, THERE ACTUALLY A BIGGER TRUTH UNDER THAT… THE FOLLOWING HULK BELIEVE BE ABSOLUTE FACT: EVEN IF BOTH FILMS GOT THE SAME AMOUNT MARKETING AND COVERAGE, MORE PEOPLE GO SEE SUPER 8 CAUSE OF ATTACK THE BLOCK STAR BLACK KIDS TALKING IN ENGLISH ACCENTS AND THAT “LESS APPEALING” FOR SOME HULKFORSAKEN REASON.
… THOSE PEOPLE WOULD BE MISSING THE FILM THAT ABSOLUTELY SUPERIOR.
ENDNOTES:
(1) THIS COMMENT SORT OF PUT HULK IN SINGULAR-MOVIE-OPINION-EXISTENTIAL-CRISIS… THAT CAUSE LET BREAK 4TH WALL AND ACKNOWLEDGE THAT ELLE FANNING A 13 YEAR OLD GIRL AND SHE PLAYING THE AUDIENCE’S LOVE INTEREST. NOW HULK SAY TIME AND TIME AGAIN HULK HATE HOW EVERY MOVIE ABOUT YOUNG-KID-LOVE STAR ACTORS WHO LIKE 19 YEARS OLD. HULK FIND IT DISHONEST AND HULK ALWAYS CLAMORED FOR MORE MOVIES STARRING KIDS WHO ACT AND FALL IN LOVE LIKE KIDS DO… YOUNG KIDS DESERVE THOSE KINDS MOVIES ESPECIALLY… YET NOW THAT HULK, WELL, OLDER, SUPER 8 ILLUMINATE HULK ON WHY THERE MAY BE PROBLEMS WITH THIS. IT NOT LIKE THERE ANY EXPRESS REASON HULK SAY THIS. THERE NO SEXUALIZATION TO FANNING CHARACTER WHATSOEVER. AND THERE NO SEXUAL ATTRACTION BECAUSE SHE VERY MUCH 13 YEAR OLD GIRL. THE MOVIE NOT DOING THE MUCH MORE HORRIBLE THINGS IN WAY OF SEXUALIZATION THAT LOTS TV/ ACTUAL CULTURE DO… BUT THE PROBLEM THAT THE AUDIENCE ABSOLUTELY FALL IN LOVE WITH HER. YESM THE AUDIENCE ACTUALLY JUST GOING BACK TO JOE’S 13 YEAR OLD CHARACTER * BUT STILL THERE STRANGE “ADULT” (MEANING MATURE) FEELING ELEMENT TO THEIR RELATIONSHIP AND HER BEHAVIOR AND THE AUDIENCE’S PLACE IN IT. THIS IN LARGE PART A TESTAMENT TO ASSURED DIRECTION OF ABRAMS. HULK NEVER ONCE JUST FEEL LIKE THEY “WATCHING KIDS PLAY FALLING IN LOVE.” IT MORE THAN THAT…. AND IT JUST THAT ADULT HULK UNSURE WHAT DO WITH IT.
*HULK’S FEMALE READERS CHIME IN. WERE YOU IN ELLE’S SHOES? DID YOU LIKEWISE FALL IN LOVE WITH YOUNG JOE LAMB?
(2) HULK REALIZE THIS MONSTER BEING ALL SOUND AND FURY MAY FIT NICELY IN THE MONSTER REPRESENTING EVERYONE’S GRIEF/FURY AGAIN BUT HULK NO GO THAT FAR. AGAIN, IT SOUND NICE BUT CONSIDERING THE NATURE OF THE CHARACTERS WRAPPED UP IT (SPECIFICALLY JOE AND THE OTHER KIDS) IT NO REALLY WORK. IT MAY WORK BETTER FOR THE PARENTS BUT THEY TOO THINLY DEVELOPED FOR THIS WORK ALONG THOSE LINES.
(3) THIS ONE OF THOSE THINGS NEVER SUPPOSED SAY. IN ALL TRUTH HULK FORGOT ABOUT IT. NOW HULK THINK THAT SORT OF DUMB REALITY SO HULK BRINGING ON COMEBACK TOUR.
(4) THAT’S HORRIBLE BUT IT’S ALL HULK GOT AT THIS LATE HOUR.
HULK TRY KEEP THIS SHORT. AND WARNING, HERE BE SPOILERS.
IN FRONT YOUR VERY OWN EYEBALLS, YOU HAVE HULK’S FIRST VIDEO GAME REVIEW. IT NO WILL HAPPEN MUCH. JUST EVERY ONCE AND AWHILE WHEN HULK FEEL IT PERTINENT, USUALLY INVOLVING SOMETHING DO WITH RELATING MEDIA THOUGHTS OR IF GAME DEAL WITH SOME CINEMATIC ISSUE.
BACKGROUND: HULK PLAY LOT OF GAMES. HULK PLAY RPG ENVIORNMENTY STUFF (FAVORITES: BETHESDA’S OBLIVION AND FALLOUT SERIES, ROCKSTAR’S COLLECTIVE OUTPUT, AND GENERALLY THE FINAL FANTASY SERIES THOUGH THE LAST ONE = SHIT), HIGH QUALITY FIRST PERSON SHOOTERS (FAVORITES: BIOSHOCK, CALL OF DUTY 4 BUT NOT THE SEQUELS, GOLDENEYE!) AND SPORTS GAMES (FAVORITES: MADDEN, 2K SERIES IN BOTH BASKETBALL/BASEBALL, KEN GRIFFEY JR. BASEBALL, MARIO TENNIS, BASEBALL SIMULATOR 1000). THIS REASONABLY WELL-ROUNDED HULK GUESS.
BY ALL ACCOUNTS, L.A. NOIRE HAVE LOT GOING FOR IT. IT HAVE GREAT SENSE OF ENVIRONMENT. HULK ABSOLUTELY LOVED TRAVERSING ABOUT 1940’S LOS ANGELES (WHICH RECREATED WITH GREAT HISTORICAL DETAIL). THE GAMEPLAY RELATIVELY INNOVATIVE AND IT MORE INTERESTED IN OTHER PURSUITS THAN THE FREQUENT SMASH+GRAB ALTERCATIONS OF GRAND THEFT AUTO. MUCH ALREADY MADE OF THE PERFORMANCE-CAPTURE STUFF AND THAT LIVE UP TO WHAT PROMISED.
BUT HULK JUST WANT TAKE MINUTE TO THE MAKERS OF L.A. NOIRE WHY THERE GAME UTTERLY COLLAPSE IN ON ITSELF AFTER SO MUCH PROMISE:
IT RARELY ADHERE TO STORYTELLING 101
HULK KEEP HARPING ON THIS ISSUE LATELY, BUT IT BECAUSE IT JUST FEEL PERTINENT.
AND L.A. NOIRE GET ONE THING MAJORLY, MAJORLY WRONG. WHEN THE STORY SUPPOSED TO BE “EXPERIENCED” BY THE PLAYER IT DO NO FUCKING GOOD WHEN THE GAMER AT HOME ACTUALLY MILES AHEAD OF THE MAIN CHARACTER. HERE MOST EGREGIOUS EXAMPLES (AND AGAIN, MAJOR FUCKING SPOILERS WITHIN):
1) DURING THE “HOMICIDE” PORTION OF THE GAME WE SUPPOSED TO BE “SOLVING” MURDERS, IT PRETTY CLEAR FROM EVEN THE BEGINNING OF FIRST MISSION ON THAT THIS MURDER AND ONES THAT FOLLOW ACTUALLY PART OF LARGER SERIES ALREADY TYING INTO THE BLACK DAHLIA MURDERS. WHICH MEAN THAT WHEN LOCKING UP SUSPECT TO CLOSE CASE WE HAVE NO INTEREST IN ACTUALLY BECAUSE WE ALREADY SURE IT NOT THEM. SO WE ESSENTIALLY JUST PICK ONE. THERE ABSOLUTELY NO JOY IN IT. NO SENSE OF ACCOMPLISHMENT (WHICH ABSOLUTELY SHOULD BE FEELING). IT ABSOLUTELY JUST LIKE SLOGGING THROUGH BULLCRAP. ESPECIALLY WHEN IT SO CLEAR THERE MYSTERY FIGURE OUT THERE TO BLAME. HULK GET SENSE THEY TRYING TO DO SOMETHING INTERESTING WITH GAME, BUT HOW IT INTERESTING IF IT TELEGRAPHED SO CLEARLY AND ABSOLUTELY TREATED LIKE A “REVEAL.” HULK WONDER IF MAYBE THEY THINK THIS SOME COMMENTARY ABOUT HOW ONE “NEVER KNOWS IF THEY LOCKING UP GUILTY PERSON” BUT IF THAT THE CASE THEN IT NOTHING MORE THAN HALF-BAKED BULLSHIT.
2. AND NO, THEY NOT DO THIS COCKTEASING “WRONG SUSPECT” ANGLE FOR 1 CASE, NOT EVEN 2 CASES, BUT 5 DAMN FUCKING CASES. IN CASE NOT AWARE THE GAME HAVE 20 OR SO CASES, SO THAT 1/4 OF THE GAME SPENT LOCKING UP PEOPLE YOU ALREADY KNOW NOT THE RIGHT SUSPECTS. WHAT A FUCKING WASTE. HULK BORED TO TEARS BY THE FIFTH TIME. THE ONLY THING THAT KEPT HULK GOING DURING THIS HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE STINT OF THE GAME WHEN HULK SURE THAT ALL THE EXTRANEOUS CLUES HULK GATHERING BE IMPORTANT WHEN TIME FINALLY COME TO LOCK UP THE MYSTERY FIGURE BEHIND ALL FIVE MURDERS. TO SOLVE A SUPER CASE SO TO SPEAK THAT TIE INTO ALL OF THEM AND ALL THE LITANY OF EVIDENCE GATHERED THAT LEAD TO THAT CONCLUSION. IT JUST SEEM SO OBVIOUS IT GOING THERE… AND THEN IT END IN LAME DRIVING AROUND TOWN FOR MARKERS BIT FOLLOWED BY SUPER ANTI-CLIMACTIC SHOOT OUT. AND ALL THOSE RELEVANT CLUES COLLECTED MEAN ABSOLUTELY NOTHING CAUSE THERE NOTHING TO ACTUALLY SOLVE. IT BANAL.
3. OF COURSE THEY DON’T LEARN THEIR LESSON AND EMPLOY THE SAME EXACT DEVICE OF HAVING ONE MYSTERY FIGURE BEHIND ALL OF THE CRIMES DURING THE “ARSON DESK” SERIES. SURE THERE SOME OTHER SHADOWY INVOLVEMENT BUT YOU KNOW ALL MAJOR PLAYERS INVOLVED ON THIS WHOLE DESK’S AFFAIR HALFWAY INTO THE FIRST ARSON CASE. NATURALLY, IT END IN EQUALLY DISAPPOINTING FASHION.
SERIOUSLY IT NO WONDER THAT THE TRAFFIC AND VICE DESK CASES = THE ABSOLUTE BEST ONES BECAUSE THE INDIVIDUAL CASES STAND ON THEIR OWN. YES, THE VICE CASES OFTEN DEAL WITH THE SAME SUBJECT OF THE MORPHINE, BUT AT LEAST THE PEOPLE GONE AFTER RELEVANT TO THE WEB OF THE CRIME SYNDICATE. AND GOING UP THE LADDER TO THE TOP OF THE RANKS OF THE SYNDICATE VERY SATISFYING ON NARRATIVE AND ACCOMPLISHMENT-FEELING LEVEL.
4. THE DEATH OF HAVE COLE HAVE NO IMPACT AFTER SPENDING LAST 1/4 OF ALL MISSIONS PLAYING AS KELSO. THE JOURNEY OF COLE FROM HARD-NOSED GOLDEN BOY PRICK TO MAN MORE ACCEPTING OF THE GRAY AREAS OF LIFE, THE ABUSE OF POWER, AND SENSELESS CRIME SHOULD BE… WELL… LOT MORE INTERESTING. INSTEAD AFTER THE MOMENT COLE HAVE ACTUAL TURNING POINT, THE GAME SIDELINE HIM TO PLAY KELSO. COLE ONLY COMING BACK TO DIE. THE GAME ITSELF THE END ABRUPTLY RIGHT AFTER WITH NO ROUNDING OUT OF THE STORY IN ORGANIC FASHION… UGH…THE GAME SPEND HOURS AND HOURS AND HOURS TELEGRAPHING REPETIVE STORYLINES ONLY TO SUMMARIZE THE ENDING WITH QUICK ON THE NOSE EULOGY SPEECH ABOUT THE PRESUMED COVERUP… THE WHOLE SERIES OF DECISIONS MAKE LESS THAN SENSE.
5. AND SPEAKING OF COLE’S STORY, AT FIRST HULK THOUGHT THE GAME MAKE INTERESTING CHOICE OF NOT SHOWING COLE’S WIFE AT ALL. HULK SORT OF LIKED IT, BUT THEN SHE SHOW UP WHEN KICKING COLE OUT OF THE HOUSE FOR PHILANDERING ABOUT. THE SCENE HAVE NO IMPACT BECAUSE HULK NEVER SEEN OR HEARD A SINGLE WORD ABOUT THIS PERSON BEFORE. HULK IMAGINE THE DEVELOPERS THOUGHT IT THIS MOMENT TO PUT FACE ON COLE’S ACTIONS, BUT REALLY IT JUST MAKE THINGS RING HOLLOW. IF THEY COMMITTED TO THIS NARRATIVE DEVICE SHE SHOULD HAVE BEEN LEFT OUT AND WE NO LEARN COLE BEEN KICKED OUT. HULK FEEL LIKE IT WAS A BAD MOVE ON PART OF DEVELOPERS. PERHAPS THEY THOUGHT THEY DOING SOMETHING INTERESTING AT THAT POINT, BUT REALLY IT JUST FAIL. THEY TRIED HAVE IT TWO DIFFERENT AND UNRECONCILE-ABLE WAYS.
6. THE CHOICES FOR THE BIG OVERARCHING STORY: THE AFOREMENTIONED TELEGRAPHED AND TOO-EARLY DROPPED CLUES, THE MILITARY FLASHBACKS, ABD THE “BEHIND THE STORY” NEWSPAPER ARTICLES = ESSENTIALLY REMOVE ALL FUCKING SENSE OF MYSTERY FROM THE GOD DAMN STORY. SERIOUSLY. EVERY BIG OVERARCHING MYSTERY THAT COLE WILL ENCOUNTER AND TRY AND SOLVE IN LAST HALF OF GAME PRETTY MUCH REVEALED IN THE FLASHBACKS THAT OCCUR BEFORE THE ACTUAL CASE. NARRATIVE-SPEAKING IT HORSECRAP.
HULK WANTED TO LOVE THIS GAME. AND THERE REALLY A MILLION OTHER THINGS TO TALK ABOUT IN TERMS HOW IT GOOD/BAD, BUT THEY SORT OF OUTSIDE THIS “STORYTELLING 101” ASPECT SO HULK WILL DROP IT.
HULK JUST HATE HOW IT MADE BY PEOPLE WHO HAVE NO UNDERSTANDING HOW A “DETECTIVE” STORY SHOULD ACTUALLY UNRAVEL. WHICH ESPECIALLY SUCK CAUSE THE SUBJECTS OF THESE STORYLINES AND THE ACTUAL IDEAS BEHIND THEM OFTEN GREAT. IT JUST A MATTER OF EXECUTION AND IN A FEW EXAMPLES OF FLAWLESS INDIVIDUAL CASES HULK SEE WHAT THE GAME COULD HAVE BEEN. BUT EVEN MOST THESE CASES RUINED BY THIS PREMATURE TEASER VIDEO REVEALS (LIKE THE GUY PUTTING THE HEAD ON THE CAR GAS PEDDLE, THE ARSONIST ACTUALLY SHOWING HOW HE FUCK HE MESS WITH HEATER VALVESS). THESE THINGS MAY SEEM RELATIVELY MINOR BUT IF HULK PRETTY SURE THAT WHEN COLE ARRIVE ON THE SCENE, THE PLAYER SHOULD BE IN THE COMPLETE FUCKING DARK ABOUT EVERYTHING INVOLVING CASE. THAT BRING THE GENUINE THRILL OF DISCOVERY.
INSTEAD WE GET A DETECTIVE STORY WITH ZERO ACTUAL NARRATIVE REVEALS.
WHAT A JOKE.
