HULK HAVE DEEP AND ABIDING LOVE OF CINEMA. HULK RECOGNIZE INHERENT VALUES OF POPULAR, NARRATIVE, AND EXPERIMENTAL STYLES. WWW.TWITTER.COM/FILMCRITHULK
HULK TAKES AIM ABOUT THE THEMATIC INS AND OUTS ONE OF THE MOST POPULAR, SILLY, STRANGE, AND TOTALLY MISUNDERSTOOD PHENOMENONS IN RECENT MEMORY!
CHECK OUT THE ARTICLE ON BADASS DIGEST!
http://badassdigest.com/2011/11/17/film-crit-hulk-smash-hulk-vs-twilight/
HULK HAS NEW ARTICLE FOR YA’LL!
PLEASE JOIN HULK ON BADASS WHERE HULK TALKS ABOUT THE CORE CONCEPTS OF ACTING, HOW DIFFICULT IT IS, AND HOW TO TALK ABOUT IT! CHEERS!
http://www.badassdigest.com/2011/11/10/film-crit-hulk-smash-acting-101
THE POSTER SAYS IT ALL. PUTNEY SWOPE IS THE GREATEST FUCK YOU MOVIE OF ALL TIME.
CHECK IT OUT THE ARTICLE AT BAD ASS!
CHECK OUT HULK’S FIRST ARTICLE OVER AT BADASS DIGEST!
http://www.badassdigest.com/2011/11/03/film-crit-hulk-smash-never-hate-a-movie
HULK THANK!
HEY FOLKS.
HULK HERE. SO YOU MAY HAVE NOTICED IT BEEN A FEW WEEKS SINCE HULK POSTED AN ARTICLE AND THERE GOOD REASON FOR THIS.
HULK WILL NOW BE A PART TIME MODEL / WRITER OVER AT WWW.BADASSDIGEST.COM
THIS IS GREAT NEWS BECAUSE 1) IT IS HULK’S FAVORITE WEBSITE 2) YOU WOULD DEFINITELY LIKE IT TOO AND 3) IT DOESN’T MEAN THINGS ARE GONNA STOP OVER HERE IN THE SLIGHTEST.
HULK GOING TO LINK THE BLOG TO EVERY ARTICLE OVER THERE, AS WELL AS STILL PRODUCE TONS OF CONTENT FOR THIS BLOG. WHY HULK EVEN HAS A MAILBAG AROUND THE CORNER SO FEEL FREE TO EMAIL HULK AT:
FILMCRITHULK@GMAIL.COM
HULK HAPPY TO ANSWER ANY OF YOUR QUESTIONS.
IN THE MEANTIME CHECK OUT BADASS DIGEST, WHICH IS ACTUALLY THE CULTURAL CENTER OF TIM LEAGUE’S LEGENDARY ALAMO DRAFT HOUSE CINEMAS IN TEXAS. THE SITE FULL OF GREAT WRITERS LIKE DEVIN FARACI, MEREDITH BORDERS, APRIL SWARTZ, BRIAN W. COLLINS, SAM STRANGE, AND THE CONTRIBUTIONS OF THE DRAFT HOUSE CREW, COMPLETE WITH EXCELLENT BEER AND SPIRITS COVERAGE (FUCK YES).
DAMN IT FEELS GOOD TO BE A BADASS.
(NOTE: THE PICTURE AT THE TOP SHOWED UP WHEN HULK GOOGLED “BADASS HULK”)
UPDATE: ARKHAM CITY COLUMN NOW HAS A PART 2!!!!
WHAT THE FUCK VIDEO GAMES?
EVERY TIME HULK THINKS WE’RE GETTING SOMEWHERE, YOU MANAGE TO TAKE ONE COLOSSAL STEP BACK FROM PROVING YOU BELONG AT THE BIG BOY TABLE.
2009’S BATMAN: ARKHAM ASYLUM MAY BE ONE OF THE GREAT GAMES EVER. SERIOUSLY. IT’S FUN, INVENTIVE, COOL, AND HAS BOTH A GREAT COMBAT AND A GREAT STEALTH SYSTEM (USUALLY IT’S ONE OR THE OTHER). THE GAME WOULD EVEN BE STELLAR IF IT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH BATMAN. BUT LUCKILY, THE BATMAN STUFF IS GREAT TOO. HULK PARTICULARLY LIKED THAT THE DEPICTION WASN’T SINGULARLY REFERENCING ONE VERSION OF THE BATMAN WORLD AND INSTEAD COMES OFF AS A HYBRID OF THE NOLANVERSE, THE ANIMATED SERIES, THE BURTONVERSE, THE COMICS, AND EVEN TAKES SOME OF THE GOOD PARTS FROM SCHUMACHER’S ORNATE DESIGN SCHEME.
NEEDLESS TO SAY HULK WAS EXCITED ABOUT THE SEQUEL, BATMAN: ARKHAM CITY, WHICH WAS RELEASED LAST NIGHT
BUT AFTER A KIND OF NEAT LITTLE INTRODUCTION (THOUGH NARRATIVE-LY IT MAKES, LIKE, ZERO SENSE. WHY IS THIS BIG STRETCH OF CITY A PRISON? AND WHY IS IT LIKE DYSTOPIAN FUTURE WHERE INMATES JUST ROAM AROUND EXACTLY?) THE TONE OF THE GAME STARTS GOING IN A REALLY WEIRD DIRECTION… SPECIFICALLY WHEN CATWOMAN SHOWS UP… BASICALLY, THINGS GET SUPER-DUPER SEXIST AND NEVER, EVER STOP.
NOW, IT SHOULD BE SAID THAT THIS ISN’T SOME INDICTMENT OF THE SEXUAL FEMME-FATALISM. THAT IS ACTUALLY A BIG PART OF THE CATWOMAN CHARACTER AND ICONGRAPHY. BUT THERE IS A SPECIFIC WAY IN NOT ONLY HOW THE FEMME FATALE WORKS IN STORIES, BUT SPECIFICALLY HOW IT FITS IN THE WHOLE BATMAN THING. CATWOMAN IS MORE MEANT AS A FOIL FOR BATMAN, HIS SENSE OF DARK VENGEANCE GONE HAYWIRE AND MORALITY (EVEN MORE) SKEWED. PLUS SHE VAGUELY SEXUALIZES HIM.
BUT THIS CATWOMAN IS… UM…
BELIEVE IT OR NOT, THIS REALLY ISN’T ABOUT OUTFIT. THE OUTFIT REALLY JUST SYMBOLIZING THE SHIT THAT’S WRONG ON THE INSIDE.
TO REITERATE: IN THE FIRST HOUR OF ARKHAM CITY WE HAVE A SCANTILLY CLAD HIGH-HEAL-NINJA-ING CATWOMAN GETTING BEATEN BY TWO-FACE AS HE CALLS HER A BITCH. WE HAVE A GROUP OF MUSCLE-BOUND HOODLUMS ALL STANDING AROUND EXCITED TO DUMP HER INTO A VAT OF ACID. BATMAN COMES TO THE RESCUE AS CATWOMAN ESCAPES. SHE FLIRTS WITH HIM MERCILESSLY AND MAKES NOT JUST DUMB, BUT NOT-FUN SEXY PUNS. BATMAN THEN GOES OUTSIDE AND YOU OVERHEAR A BUNCH OF GUYS TALKING ABOUT HOW CATWOMAN AND AGAIN THE WORD BITCH POPS IN. THEY ALL THINK SHE SWINGS BOTH WAYS (CAUSE THAT’S THE KIND OF THING ANY SEXY GIRL MUST BE UP FOR). AND THEN THEY’RE BASICALLY TALKING ABOUT THEIR MASTURBATORY FANTASIES OF HER… YOU KNOW, ABOUT THE SAME ONE THEY WERE CALLING A BITCH. BATMAN THEN GOES OVER TOWARD THE JOKER’S TOWER AND YOU HOPE ALL THIS SHIT IS OVER BUT THEN YOU OVERHEAR A BUNCH OF THUGS TALKING ABOUT HOW HARLEY QUINN IS A DUMB BITCH.
NOW THIS WAS WHERE HULK LEFT IT THE OTHER NIGHT AND TO BE SURE HULK WASN’T JUST REACTING OUT OF MOMENTARY THINGS HULK CAME BACK AND PLAYED A LOT MORE TO BE FAIR… IT DIDN’T GET ANY BETTER.
ACTUALLY IT GOT WORSE. THE FOLLOWING IS STUFF OVERHEARD BY A WIDE CAST OF CHARACTERS THAT INCLUDES PRETTY MUCH EVERYBODY:
“DON’T COME ANY CLOSER OR THIS BITCH GETS A HOLE WHERE HER HEAD USED TO BE!”
“THAT CRAZY BITCH!” (SAID BY A GOOD GUY)
“SHE SCARES ME. FORTUNATELY I SAW THE CRAZY BITCH LEAVING!”
“YOU DON’T FIND THE BOSSES GIRL ATTRACTIVE DO YOU?” / “IN HERE THEY ALL LOOK GOOD.”
“DID YOU HEAR THE NOISE THAT DOCTOR WAS MAKIN?” / (GIGGLE) “I LIKE HEARING HER SCREAM LIKE THAT”
“I DON’T KNOW WHAT JOKER SEES IN THAT CRAZY BITCH”
CATWOMAN NEEDING MORE GADGETS (AND TALKING TO HERSELF): “I NEED MY TOYS. I’D JUST BE (INSERT MARYLIN MONROE VOICE) NAKED WITH OUT THEM (COO).”
“YEAH THE BOSS HAD THE CAT ALL CHAINED UP BUT THAT BITCH BROKE FREE.”
EVEN BATMAN, THE PARAGON OF GOODNESS ASKS HARLEY TO MOVE AT ONE POINT. WHEN SHE DOESN’T, HE SEEMS TO TAKE EERIE DELIGHT IN MANHANDLING HER AND THROWING HER OVER. NOTHING BUSINESS LIKE, THE EMPHASIS IS SO FUCKING WEIRD. BATMAN LIKED IT.
…
……
……..
SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE FUCK ARKHAM CITY?
THIS IS NOT OKAY.
DO YOU EVEN, LIKE, GET HOW SEXISM WORKS?
CLEARLY NOT. CAUSE THIS IS THE KIND OF BLATENT SEXISM THAT MOST 2ND WAVE FEMINISM MOVED PAST IN ORDER TO TALK ABOUT MORE SUBTLE THINGS LIKE “PAY SCALES,” AND “THE RIGHT TO GO TO THE SAME COLLEGES AS MEN.”
SO LET’S MAKE IT PRETTY CLEAR: REFRAINING FROM SEXISM DOES NOT MEAN THAT YOU CAN’T HAVE CHARACTERS IN REVEALING OUTFITS, OR THAT YOU CAN’T USE THE WORD “BITCH,” OR THAT YOU CAN’T SAY BAD THINGS ABOUT FEMALE CHARACTERS, OR THAT YOU HAVE TO BE SOME PARAGON OF GOODNESS AND PROVIDE G-RATED POSITIVE ROLE MODELS FOR EVERYONE. YOU CAN TOTALLY DO THOSE THINGS. IT’S JUST A MATTER OF HOW YOU PRESENT IT.
SEE THE REAL ISSUE IS NOT THE THINGS THEMSELVES, BUT THE TONE. WHICH MEANS IT’S ABOUT THE CONTEXT. IT’S ABOUT THE PRESENTATION AND THE FEELING. IT’S ABOUT THE REASONS FOR DOING SO AND WHY.
DO YOU SERIOUSLY NOT GET THE BASIC FUCKING DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE TWO?
FINE. LET’S GET AN EXAMPLE UP IN THIS SHIT: STRAW DOGS IS A MOVIE THAT FAMOUSLY DEALS WITH SOME VERY TABOO SEXUAL POLITICS (SPOILERS IF NOT SEEN, BUT GODDAMMIT THE MOVIE’S 30 YEARS OLD) THE FILM HAS A SCENE WHERE THERE IS A RAPE AND HALFWAY THROUGH THE HORRIBLE ORDEAL THE VICTIM SEEMS TO HAVE A MOMENT OF ENJOYMENT. NOW, IF THE EVENT OF THE SCENE IS TAKEN AT FACE VALUE, IT SEEMS LIKE THE MOST SEXIST THING EVER. RIGHT? ONE THAT PROPAGATES SOME OF THE MOST VILE MYTHS ABOUT WOMAN AND SEXUALITY ALONG WITH DISMISSING THE CONSEQUENCES OF A HORRENDOUS ACT?
BUT THAT’S NOT TOTALLY THE CASE. THAT’S BECAUSE THE SITUATION HAS DEEP CONTEXT, BOTH IN TERMS OF PLOT, CHARACTER, AND THEMATIC RESONANCE. FOR ONE, THE VIOLATION SETS UP A LOT OF THINGS TO SAY ABOUT SHAME CULTURE AND MAN’S ATTITUDES TOWARD SEXUALITY. IN FACT, THE WHOLE MOVIE IS MEANT AS A META COMMENTARY ON MALE’S SEXUAL POLITICS, CENTERING AROUND THE ATTITUDE OF THE WOMAN’S HUSBAND, PLAYED DUSTIN HOFFMAN. THE HUSBAND IS AN INTELLECTUAL, NON-CONFRONTATIONAL PERSON. AT FACE VALUE ONE WOULD GUESS THAT THIS IS YET ANOTHER HORRIBLE THING BEING SAID ABOUT THE PAINS A LACK OF MASCULINITY AND WHAT WOMEN WANT, ETC. BUT AGAIN, NOT THE CASE. THE FILM MAKES IT CLEAR THIS IS ABOUT GENDER ROLES. FOR ALL OF THE HUSBAND’S INTELLECTUALISM, HE ACTUALLY HAS A DEEPLY SEXIST AND RIGID ATTITUDE TOWARD TRADITIONAL ROLES FOR HIS WIFE. CONVERSELY HE DOES NOT ACCEPT TRADITIONAL MALE ROLES FOR HIMSELF THUS SHOWING HIS EMPHASIS ON THE DOUBLE STANDARD. MEANING IT IS ABOUT THE HYPOCRITICAL NATURE OF MENT. THE FILM DIRECTLY AND TEXTUALLY ADDRESSES THESE HYPOCRISIES WITHIN THE MAIN CHARACTER ACTING AS A SORT OF “HORROR FILM” FOR THE EMASCULATED MALE PSYCHE. THIS IS ONLY REINFORCED BY THE FACT THAT ONE OF THE RAPISTS IS THE WOMAN’S EX-BOYFRIEND.
BUT NONE OF THIS IS MEANT EXPLOITATIVE SENSE, BUT IN AN EXPLORATIVE SENSE. THE FILM IS ENGAGING THESE QUESTIONS DIRECTLY WITH COMMENTARY ON CHARACTER. SOME MAY ARGUE THE RELATIVE MERITS TO THIS, AND WHETHER OR NOT IT’S WORTH DEPICTING THE HARM AND SUBVERSION OF WOMAN TO STRICTLY ENGAGE HORROR OF THE MALE EGO (HULK CAN COME UP WITH A PRETTY GOOD EVALUATION OF HER JOURNEY TOO) AND THAT’S FINE. ADMITTEDLY, YOU CANNOT WRAP A NEAT BOW ON ALL OF THE SEXISM AT PLAY IN STRAW DOGS.
BUT WHAT YOU CAN DO, IS CAREFULLY EXAMINE THE CONTEXT AND ANALYSIS AND BE TREATED TO A RATHER INTERESTING DISCUSSION OF A MOVIE THAT IS HYPER-AWARE OF WHAT IT IS DOING AND INDULGING INTO SOME VERY BIG GRAY AREAS ON PURPOSE.
… SO WHAT THE FUCK IS THE POINT OF THIS SHIT IN ARKHAM CITY?
OH WAIT, THERE IS NONE. THERE IS NO FUCKING CONTEXT FOR THE THINGS. THEY ARE JUST PRESENTED AT FACE VALUE WITH ABSOLUTELY NO OTHER REDEEMING VALUE BEYOND TITILLATION AND SEEPING OUT OF THE WRITERS COLLECTIVE ID AS SOME SORT OF AXE TO GRIND WITH WOMEN.
REMEMBER, TONE IS ABOUT YOUR REASONS FOR DOING SO AND WHY.
SO WHAT ELSE COULD IT BE? IT IS THE DUMBEST AND MOST USELESS FORM OF SEXISM IN THE WORLD. IT’S WORSE THAN MERE “FAN SERVICE” WHICH IS USUALLY THE KIND OF THING YOU CAN SHAKE YOUR HEAD AT AND JUST HOPE THERE AREN’T 8 YEAR OLDS PLAYING IT (AND YES THERE TOTALLY ARE). HULK IS GOING TO SAY IT’S DOWNRIGHT PORNOGRAPHIC.
OH DON’T LOOK AT HULK LIKE THAT, HULK KNOWS IT IS MISSING BOTH THE ACTUAL ELEMENT OF REAL-PERSON EXPLOITATION AND THE UTILITARIAN NATURE OF PORNOGRAPHY, BUT WHAT IT IS OFFERING IS NOT STORY-LINE BOUND CONTEXT FOR THE SEXISM MAKING SENSE. AND FUCK IF HULK HAS SEEN PORNOGRAPHY THAT AT LEAST HAS BETTER ATTITUDES TOWARD WOMEN.
”]
SERIOUSLY, HAS THE BLATANT SEXISM ON DISPLAY IN ARKHAM CITY ACHIEVED SOME LEVEL OF COMMENTARY? CAN HULK EXPLAIN THE GENDER ROLES? NO. IMAGINE HULK GOING ON WITH IT, “THE PLUNGING V-NECK OF CATWOMAN COUPLE WITH THE NON-STOP VERBAL BERATING OF WOMEN AS BITCHES IS ACTUALLY A BRECHTIAN MECHANISM TO SHOW HOW THE REALITY OF SEXISM IS EVERYWHERE, A NON-STOP ANALYSIS AND OH FOR FUCK SAKE HULK CAN’T GO ON WITH THIS SHIT… UGH. THERE IS NO ARGUMENT TO BE MADE. NONE.
IT’S NOT A “HEIGHTENED WORLD.” THE STUFF ON DISPLAY IN THE WORLD OF GRAND THEFT AUTO SKIRTS AS MORE OF A TOTAL SOCIETAL SATIRE AND IS CAREFUL TO INCLUDE THE BACKWARD NATURE OF THESE SEXUAL POLITICS. IT MAKES SENSE IN THE TONE OF THAT WORLD. BUT HERE? IN A BATMAN SEQUEL WHERE THERE WASN’T ANYTHING LIKE THAT BEFORE? NOT AT ALL.
AND DON’T TRY TO JUSTIFY IT AS SOME “BUT CATWOMAN KICKS SOME OF THOSE GUYS’ ASSES! IT’S FEMINISM!” THING. THOUGH A LOT OF PEOPLE SEEM TO THINK SO, THE WOMAN AS ACTION HERO IS NOT SOME SHORTCUT TO GIRL POWER. SHE’S ENTIRELY VAPID. IT IS THE MOST BASIC OF MALE CONFIGURATIONS TO GET OUT OF THE RESPONSIBILITY AND MORE IMPORTANTLY IT FEEDS RIGHT INTO THEIR MASTURBATE TO / SLAP AROUND LOVE / HATE THING. SO NO WAY.
HULK BET THAT SOME PEOPLE MAY TRY TO DEFEND THIS HORSESHIT DISPOSITION BY SAYING IT’S OKAY BECAUSE THE ONES SAYING IT ARE THE “BAD GUYS.” WHICH ISN’T ACTUALLY TRUE BECAUSE LOTS OF THE SECURITY GUARDS AND A GOOD GUY FROM LAST GAME ALL CHIP IN WITH THE “BITCH” TALK JUST AS MUCH AS EVERYONE ELSE. (2) AND IS THERE ANYTHING ABOUT THE WAY BATMAN OR CATWOMAN RESPOND TO ANY OF THIS THAT MAKES HULK THINK OTHERWISE? IS THERE ANYTHING ABOUT THE WAY IT’S SHOWN TO MAKE HULK THINK IT’S ANYTHING MORE THAN SEXIST FUN MEANT TO ELLICIT A FEW PAINFUL LAUGHS FROM AN AUDIENCE WHO DOESN’T KNOW ANY BETTER?
NOOP.
SO WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK?
IT’S SERIOUSLY NO BETTER THAN THIS:
SERIOUSLY… THE FUCK?!?! IT’S NOT LIKE HULK CAN GET AWAY FROM IT EITHER, IT’S AN ALL-OUT ASSAULT ON YOU SENSES. BATMAN PICKS UP ALL THESE CONVERSATIONS AS HE MOVES AROUND HEARING “BITCH, BITCH, BITCH, BITCH” YOU BETTER FUCKING LIKE THAT WORD IF YOU WANT TO TRULY LOVE ARKHAM CITY. LIKE LOVE THAT WORD AND EVERY WORST THING IT MEANS. IT MUST DELIGHT YOU TO YOUR BONES. EITHER THAT OR YOU’RE JUST NOT THINKING ABOUT IT.
BUT HERE’S THE REAL QUESTION OF THE HOUR: IF THE LAST ENTRY ARKHAM ISLAND KNEW HOW TO BLEND THE LINES OF SEXIST STUFF WITH SKIMPY OUTFITS AND SILLY TONE, AND MORE IMPORTANTLY JUST CONCENTRATE ON MAKING AN AGE-APPROPRIATE BATMAN GAME THEN WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO THIS ONE?
WHERE DID THIS COME FROM?
HOW DO THESE CHOICES MAKE SENSE? WHAT MAKES THEM VIABLE IN ANY OTHER TERMS BESIDES DEPLORABLE?
NOTHING. THIS IS BASICALLY THE OPPOSITE OF STRAW DOGS.
DON’T SAY “OH THAT’S A MOVIE, BUT THIS IS A GAME” AND THAT THIS SHIT IN VIDEO GAMES DOESN’T MATTER. IT MATTERS AND IT MATTERS MORE EVERY DAY. VIDEO GAMES ARE OFFICIALLY A MEDIUM FOR THE MASSES AND THEY ARE ABOUT 90 YEARS BEHIND ACTUAL SOCIETY. FOR INSTANCE, THIS GUY IS ABSOLUTELY WRONG. SAYING THEY ARE JUST JUVENILE AND “PANDERING TO AN AUDIENCE” IS LIKE GETTING UP IN FRONT OF THE KKK, CALLING FOR THE DEATH OF ALL BLACK PEOPLE, AND THEN JUST SAYING YOU WERE “PANDERING TO AN AUDIENCE.” SO NO DICE. [UPDATE: WHAT HULK HAS WRITTEN HERE CATEGORIZES THE ARTICLE AS SOME KIND OF PROFANE NONSENSE AND THAT NOT THE CASE. IT ACTUALLY RATHER NUANCED AND HULK BASICALLY ONLY DISAGREEING WITH ONE ELEMENT OF THE CATEGORIZATION/LOGIC. SO APOLOGIES TO THE AUTHOR. SINCERELY]
IT IS A BIG DEAL.
IT IS A VERY, VERY BIG DEAL.
WHY?
BECAUSE WHEN HULK WAS BUYING IT IN THE MIDNIGHT LINE THE OTHER NIGHT THERE WERE ABOUT 90 GUYS ALL STANDING AROUND READY TO BUY. AMONG THEM, A FEW RANDOM GIRLS INTERSPERSED WHO RIGHTLY LOVED THE LAST GAME AND ARE NOW GOING TO HAVE TO DEAL WITH A REALLY, REALLY STRANGE TONE. OH SURE, CHANCES ARE THEY’RE USED TO MOST OF THE SEXISM IN VIDEO GAMES, BUT THIS IS A SPECIAL KIND OF ORNAMENTAL. THIS IS STEALTH SEXISM. SOMETHING FAR MORE INSIDIOUS THAN THE NAKED PANDERING OF DUKE NUKEM.
MORE IMPORTANTLY THERE WERE, AT MIDNIGHT MIND YOU, ABOUT THIRTY CHILDREN AGED 9-12 ALL WITH THEIR MOMS. ALL JOYFULLY WALKING OUT WITH THEIR NEW BATMAN GAME ALL WITH A BEVY OF UNSUSPECTING PARENTS AS TO WHAT THEY JUST BOUGHT AND WHAT THE FIRST HOUR WILL UNVEIL.(2)
DON’T THINK FOR A SECOND THIS ISN’T HOW THEY’RE LEARNING MODES OF SOCIALIZATION. HELL, THEIR SEXUALITY IS LITERALLY BEING FORMED AS WE SPEAK. SO HULK ARGUE THIS WEIRD, ADULT AND ALL-TOGETHER SEXIST TURN FOR THE BATMAN GAME IS VERY MUCH UNCALLED FOR.
AND HERE WE GO WITH THE MORALIZING AND GOD HULK REALLY HATES DOING IT, BUT WHOEVER WROTE THIS SHIT IN ARKHAM CITY AND WHOEVER APPROVED IT SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF THEMSELVES. SERIOUSLY, HULK SOMEHOW HOPES THIS MESSAGE IF LIFTED UP OVER ROOFTOPS AND INTO THE SKY AND IS HEARD, BECAUSE IT’S NOT OKAY. AND IF THEY’RE NOT ASHAMED OF THEMSELVES, WELL THEN THEY HAVE THEIR OWN ISSUES TO WORK THROUGH. HULK GUESS THEY MIGHT HAVE THIS IDEA THAT PEOPLE WHO COMPLAIN ABOUT SEXISM ARE ALWAYS COLLEGE AGE WOMEN’S STUDIES MAJORS / LESBIANS (THE NON-SEXY KIND OF COURSE!) WHO WILL OBJECT TO THEIR EVERY ACTION AND “HARMLESS” JOKE SOLELY BASED ON THE FACT THAT THEY HAVE PENISES.
AND MAYBE, LIKE ALL THINGS, IT’S A LITTLE MORE GRAY THAN THAT, BUT THE POINT IS THAT THEY DON’T GET IT.
… TOO BAD THE REST OF THE GAME IS FUCKING EXCELLENT.
LIKE SERIOUSLY, IT’S GREAT AND SO MUCH FUN TO PLAY IT ISN’T EVEN FUNNY… WHICH JUST PUTS HULK IN MORE OF A PRECARIOUS POSITION. THE AMAZING PACKAGING DISTRACTS YOU FROM THE HARFMUL CONTENT.
… GODAMMIT VIDEO GAMES.
AND IF YOU WANT HEAR MORE RESPONSES AND COUNTERARGUMENTS PLEASE CHECK OUT PART 2. IF YOU COMMENTED BELOW CHANCES ARE YOUR POINT WAS DISCUSSED.
ENDNOTES!
(1) ALSO THERE IS THIS REALLY WEIRD QUASI-POLITICAL POT-SHOT WHERE A BUNCH OF DOCTORS WONDER WHY THEY WERE ATTACKED BY THE PRISONERS WHEN THEY WERE JUST THERE TO HELP, THEN CALL THEM A BUNCH OF ANIMALS WHO DON’T DESERVE IT.
(2) THIS ISN’T TO IMPLY HULK NOT ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO THINK KIDS SHOULDN’T BE EXPOSED TO SEX OR VIOLENCE. NOT IN THE SLIGHTEST. IT’S JUST THAT CONTEXT MATTERS MORE THAN ACTUAL CONTENT. A KID SEEING BOOBS IN, LIKE, THE GODFATHER OR Y TU MAMA TAMBIEN, IS NOT ONLY FINE BUT SOCIALLY HEALTHY. MOVIES WHICH PROVIDE CONTEXTS FOR THE SEXUALITY AND PEOPLE INVOLVED.
MOVIES ARE PERSONAL.
WE CAN DRESS IT UP ALL WE WANT. WE CAN TALK ABOUT FILM’S OBJECTIVE QUALITIES: THE DIFFICULTY OF EXECUTION. MISE EN SCENE. BALANCE OF TONE. HEROIC PERFORMANCES. STORY STRUCTURE. LEVEL OF ASS-KICKERY. PICK YOUR TOPIC. THEY’RE ALL MORE THAN VALID, AS ENTIRE BOOKS ARE WRITTEN ABOUT THESE SUBJECTS. THEY CONSTITUTE WHOLE, FASCINATING WORLDS UNTO THEMSELVES. MORE IMPORTANTLY, IT’S THE CRITIC’S JOB TO CONVEY HOW THESE QUALITIES MAKE SENSE AND HOW THEY DO/DO NOT WORK IN A GIVEN MOVIE. AND HULK TAKES THAT JOB VERY SERIOUSLY.
BUT EVEN WITH THESE OBJECTIVE QUALITIES, MOVIES ARE STILL INEXORABLY ATTACHED TO OUR HEARTS AND MINDS. FOR ONE, THEY ARE FULLY DEPENDENT ON OUR OWN DEFINITION OF “OBJECTIVE.” BUT EVEN MORE, THEY ARE DEPENDENT ON OUR EXPERIENCES, FEELINGS, AND EMOTIONS. WE CAN STRETCH OUR NETS OF CINEMATIC INTEREST AS WIDE AS ONE CAN GO AND ARE CERTAINLY BETTER FOR IT. IT ENABLES US TO EXPRESS, CONVEY, SHARE, AND EDUCATE REGARDLESS OF WHO WE ARE. BUT THERE ARE THOUSANDS OF OBJECTIVELY GOOD MOVIES AND TO DECIDE WHAT IS TRULY SPECIAL, IT ULTIMATELY BECOMES A QUESTION NOT JUST OF WHAT ATTACHES, BUT TRULY RESONATES DOWN INTO OUR BONES.
IN THE END, MOVIES ARE PERSONAL.
AND 50/50 IS VERY, VERY PERSONAL TO HULK.
CANCER IS ONE OF THOSE THINGS THAT HAS SEEMINGLY TOUCHED EVERYONE. YOU’VE PROBABLY HAD SOME LEVEL OF PROXIMITY TO IT. IF YOU HAVEN’T? WELL, HULK’S NOT RELIGIOUS OR ANYTHING BUT COUNT YOUR DARN BLESSINGS. THAT’S BECAUSE SOME OF US HAVE GOTTEN THE FRONT-ROW SEAT. SOME OF US HAVE EVEN HAD IT… AND SOME OF US HAVE HAD IT ALONG WITH MOST EVERYONE ELSE IN OUR FAMILIES (HOW TO PUT THIS? GAMMA RADIATION IS A BITCH).
YOU’VE ALL PROBABLY HEARD THIS IN SOME WAY OR ANOTHER, BUT IN CASE IT’S NOT CLEAR: CANCER DOES NOT CARE ABOUT YOUR BELIEFS, OR HEALTH, OR AGE, OR WHAT’S FAIR. FOR ALL HULK KNOWS, IT COULD BE SOME SORT OF KARMIC AGENT THAT THE UNIVERSE HAS DEVISED TO PREVENT HUMANS FROM OVERTAKING THE EARTH MORE THAN THEY ALREADY HAVE. NOW, THIS KIND OF THINKING IS OBVIOUSLY CYNICAL NONSENSE, BUT IT CERTAINLY CAN FEEL TRUE.
THAT’S BECAUSE CANCER TEARS PEOPLE AWAY. THAT’S WHAT IT DOES. AND HULK DOESN’T KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT HULK IS FOND OF PUNY HUMANS QUITE A BIT. NO ONE WANTS TO HAVE THEM TORN AWAY, PIECE BY PIECE INTO NOTHINGNESS.
PEOPLE USUALLY DIE IN MOVIES BECAUSE THEY DO BAD THINGS. BECAUSE THEY DESERVE IT. AND IF THEY DIDN’T DESERVE IT, WE USUALLY SPEND COPIOUS AMOUNTS WITH THE PARTY RESPONSIBLE AND LEARN ABOUT GUILT OR SOMETHING. OR WE SPEND ALSO COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF TIME WITH THE ONES WHO ARE BEING TAUGHT / HAVE TO LEARN TO “LET GO” OF SOMEONE WHO DIES. HECK, EVEN FATAL ACCIDENTS IN MOVIES SORT OF WORK THE SAME WAY. PEOPLE DIE BUT THE SEARCH GOES ON FOR SOME SORT OF MEANING. THESE MOVIES, AND THE PEOPLE WHO WRITE THEM, TRY TO TEACH US THESE THINGS.
DISEASE MAKES THIS A LITTLE MORE PROBLEMATIC. GENETIC RANDOMNESS DOESN’T REALLY ASCRIBE ITSELF TO ANY SORT OF MEANING, OTHER THAN EXISTENTIALISM HULK GUESS. BECAUSE WHEN IT’S YOUR LIFE ON THE LINE THE PESKY LITTLE MATTER OF HOW OTHER PEOPLE WILL GO ON AFTER YOU IS A NEAT AND IDEAL THOUGHT, BUT IT’S NOT NECESSARILY A REAL OR COHERENT THOUGHT (ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU’RE YOUNGER). YET, WE SEE CANCER MOVIES ADDRESS THESE KINDS OF THINGS CONSTANTLY, EITHER WITH SOME WISTFUL NONSENSE OR SACCHARINE WHIMSY. WE’VE SEEN MOVIE AFTER MOVIE OF WELL-ADJUSTED CANCER CHILDREN TEACHING THEIR PARENTS AND FAMILY HOW TO “LET GO.” HECK, EVEN JAMES L. BROOKS A CERTIFIED WRITING GENIUS WHO KNOWS HOW TO ALTERNATE CUT THROAT/SUBLIME SAP AT A MOMENTS NOTICE, IS BASICALLY ENGAGING IN THOSE KIND OF IDEAS JUST IN A MUCH MORE ENTERTAINING WAY. MORE OFTEN THAN NOT THESE FILMS ARE WRITTEN ABOUT OUR ABILITY TO PROCESS WHAT “CAN” HAPPEN TO “SOMEONE ELSE.”
IT’S AN UNDERSTANDABLE INCLINATION IN ALL HONESTY, BUT HULK NOT SURE THAT’S NOT REALLY WHAT DISEASE IS ACTUALLY ABOUT. PLEASE NOTE THAT THE FOLLOWING PARAGRAPH IS VERY DIFFICULT TO EXPRESS CLEARLY AND HULK DID HULK’S BEST:
HULK DOESN’T THINK CANCER STORIES SHOULD BE MADE “FOR OTHER PEOPLE.” IT SEEMS LIKE MUCH MORE CAN BE DONE IN TERMS OF UNDERSTANDING BY TRANSLATING THE EXPERIENCE OF THE PERSON WHO ACTUALLY HAS THE DISEASE, RATHER THAN MAKE SOMETHING THAT IS DESIGNED TO MAKE THE EXPERIENCE “OKAY” FOR THE REST OF US. BECAUSE FOR THE INDIVIDUAL, CANCER/DISEASE IS ABOUT THE SIMPLE AND HEARTBREAKING REALITY OF HOW ORDINARY IT ALL IS. WHEN YOU’RE YOUNGER, DISEASE ACTUALLY FORCES YOU TO STOP SEEING THE WORLD IN THESE GRAND TERMS OF “LEGACY” AND “MEANING.” WHY? BECAUSE THOSE THINGS ARE ABOUT THE PRESERVATION OF THE FUTURE SELF IN SOME WAY AND THAT’S NOT WHAT YOU’RE ACTUALLY FACING. NO, HULK ARGUES CANCER JUST FORCES YOU TO LOOK AT THE REGULAR LIFE AROUND YOU IN NON-GRAND TERMS. DISEASE DOES NOT PROVIDE SOME CRYSTALLINE, OMNISCIENT FOCUS. IT DOESN’T GIVE YOU THE SUPER POWER TO REALIZE WHAT LIFE IS REALLY ABOUT. YOU DON’T EVEN “CHERISH THE MOMENT” REALLY. YOU’RE TOLD THIS HAPPENS, BUT THIS IS NOT WHAT HAPPENS. WHAT DISEASE DOES IS THAT ACTUALLY CLARIFIES THE HEARTBREAKING REALITY OF THE ORDINARY PRESENT. MEANING, THERE IS NOTHING ALL THAT SPECIAL ABOUT IT. THERE IS JUST YOU, YOUR FAMILY, YOUR FRIENDS AND WHATEVER THEY ACTUALLY ARE (SELFISH, LOVING, SMOTHERING, ETC), AND THEY ARE ALL NOW DEALING WITH FACT YOU ARE SICK.
HULK HOPES THIS MAKES SENSE. DISEASE DOES NOT GET YOU TO SEE “LIFE” BUT REALLY THE JUST ORDINARY NATURE OF “YOUR LIFE.” AND THAT’S WHY EVERYONE AROUND YOU FREAKS OUT SO BADLY, BECAUSE IT MAKES THEM SEE HOW IT’S ALL JUST SO IMPOSSIBLY REGULAR: CANCER/DISEASE IS SOMETHING HORRIBLE YOU HAVE TO LIVE WITH UNTIL YOU POSSIBLY DIE FROM IT… AND THAT’S IT.
50/50 IS THE FIRST MOVIE HULK’S EVER SEEN THAT UNDERSTANDS AND CONVEYS THAT.
AND THAT IS WHY THE FILM IS TRANSCENDENT.
WHAT’S SORT OF WEIRD IS THAT HULK WAS GOING INTO IT NOT WITH ANY SORT OF GRAND EXPECTATION, GIVEN THE NATURE OF ANY PERSONAL ATTACHMENTS. HULK WASN’T REALLY ANTICIPATING TO CONNECT LIKE THAT AT ALL. HECK, HULK ALMOST DECIDED TO SPEND THE NIGHT IN. HULK JUST THOUGHT IT WOULD BE A FUNNY FILM THAT TRIED TO STAY AWAY FROM SAPPY, TRITE STUFF WE HAVE SEEN BEFORE. ONE THAT TRIED TO DISPLACE THAT STUFF WITH COMEDY. HULK EVEN KNEW FROM PAST MOVIES THAT DIRECTOR JONATHAN LEVINE WOULD BE ABLE TO CREATE SOMETHING THAT FELT LIVED IN AND IMMEDIATE. AND FOR MOST PEOPLE THAT MAY BE ALL 50/50 ACTUALLY IS… WHICH AGAIN, IS FINE.
BUT FOR HULK IT WAS SOMETHING MORE. HULK MELTED INTO THE MOVIE AND EXPERIENCED IT WHOLLY AS IF IT WAS HAPPENING RIGHT THEN AND THERE, AS IF HULK WAS DIRECTLY INVOLVED. FOR MOST CRITICS THIS HAPPENS ALL TOO RARELY. SO OFTEN THEY WATCH A MOVIE TO PROCESS HOW IT IS “WORKING” WITHOUT REALLY EXPERIENCING. THOUGH IT SHOULD NOT THAT MOST GOOD CRITICS ARE ACTUALLY PROCESSING THE EXPERIENCE AND THUS EFFECTIVELY DOING BOTH AT ONCE, BUT SOMETIMES IT’S DICEY. AND CRITICS OFTEN FORGET THAT MOST PEOPLE JUST EXPERIENCE MOVIES IN SOME SORT OF CHILDLIKE STATE OF TRANSIENCE. IT’S THE REASON A LOT OF PEOPLE CAN’T EXPLAIN MOVIES, TAKE THEM SO PERSONALLY, AND ARE SO DAMN SUSCEPTIBLE TO TONE CHANGES (AND MAYBE ARE EVEN BETTER FOR IT).YES FOR THE AVERAGE MOVIE-GOER, FILMS ARE HYPER-PERSONAL BECAUSE THEY ARE an EXPERIENCE. SO WHEN A CRITIC CAN ENJOY A MOVIE THIS WAY? IT IS A GIFT.
STILL, “OBJECTIVELY” SPEAKING HULK THOUGHT 50/50 WAS FANTASTIC. THE PERFORMANCES ARE ALL STANDOUTS AND THERE ARE MANY REASONS WHY (MOSTLY BECAUSE THEY KEEP THINGS GROUNDED). BUT HULK WOULD BE REMISS NOT TO MENTION JOSEPH GORDON LEVITT’S ABILITY TO PLAY HIS QUIET TROUBLES OFF OF EVERYONE ELSE’S LEVELS OF RELATIVE SADNESS AND HYSTERIA. IT FEEDS DIRECTLY INTO THE VERY THING THAT ENABLES THE FILM TO SUCCEED: THE TONE.
LEVINE DEFTLY WEAVES SCENES TOGETHER TURNING A FILM THAT ALTERNATES BETWEEN COMEDY AND SOMBERNESS INTO A SINGULAR, COHERENT REALITY. YOU LIKELY HAVE NO IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IT IS TO PULL THAT OFF, BUT LEVINE DOES SO ADMIRABLY. ONE OF THE KEYS TO THAT IS TAHT THE FILM IS GENUINELY FUNNY WITHOUT FEELING LIKE IT IS STRIVING TO DO SO. IT IS WHOLLY COMFORTABLE GOING WHOLE SCENES WITHOUT ANY JOKING WHATSOEVER AND THIS ALLOWS THE FILM TO PUNCTUATE ITS MOMENTS. IT CHOOSES REALITY AS A MORE IMPORTANT GOAL THAN THE JOKE, GIVING THE TONE FLEXIBILITY. THE SUM TOTAL OF THESE DECISIONS IS THAT IT MEANS LEVINE MADE ONE OF THOSE RARE MOVIES WHERE EVERYTHING SIMPLY “IS.”
BUT THAT ACHIEVEMENT ALL STARTS WITH WILL REISER’S SCRIPT, WHICH FLOWS BEAUTIFULLY, SHIFTING FROM EXPERIENCE TO EXPERIENCE WITH A QUIET, PROPULSIVE FOCUS. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN EXACTLY? IT MEANS SCENES ARE WRITTEN TO BUILD THE RELATIONSHIPS, BUT NO SINGULAR SCENE IS TRYING TO DESPERATELY DRIVE HOME A SINGULAR POINT, JUST TO CONVEY THE PERSPECTIVE. AND THAT IS BECAUSE THE PERSPECTIVE IS THE POINT. THE FACT THAT THIS IS REISER’S PERSONAL STORY IS WELL-PUBLICIZED, BUT HULK WANTS TO REMIND YOU JUST BECAUSE IT “HAPPENED” DOESN’T MEAN SHIT WHEN IT COMES TO WRITING. IT’S ABOUT THE ABILITY TO MAKE IT RESONATE. AND REISER SHOWCASES HIS ABILITY TO WRITE THROUGH THE SHEER DETERMINATION TO EXPRESS THE INNATE REALITY OF DISEASE, NOT BY TRYING TO OVERTLY TURN IT INTO “A MOVIE.” THIS IS NOT SAY THE FILM IS SOME EXERCISE IN VERITE, NOTHING OF THE SORT. BUT LIKE THE WAY LEVINE BALANCES THE TONE, REISER BALANCES THE GOAL OF INNATE REALITY WITH THE DESIRE TO ENTERTAIN AND MOVIE-FY THE EXPERIENCE.
BUT AGAIN, THIS WAS HOW IT AFFECTED HULK.
SOME OF YOU MAY HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY ABOUT THIS CHOICE OR THAT CHOICE, OR THIS PERSON OR THAT PERSON AND THAT’S FINE. HONESTLY, HULK DOESN’T REALLY CARE. FOR EXAMPLE, THERE’S BEEN A LOT OF TALK OF THE TERRIBLE TITLE, ONE DOWNGRADED FROM THE ADMITTEDLY FAR-MORE-EFFECTIVE “I’M WITH CANCER.” SAY WHAT YOU WILL, BUT THE TITLE 50/50 IS STILL SOMETHING THAT AT LEAST MEANS SOMETHING TO HULK. FOR ONE, IT SPEAKS TO IMPLICIT NATURE OF THE RESULTS: YOU EITHER DIE, OR YOU DON’T. TECHNICALLY SPEAKING, THOSE ARE EVERYONE’S CANCER ODDS. AND EITHER WAY YOU HAVE TO GO ON LIVING WITH THAT REALITY. GOING EVEN FURTHER WITH THE TITLE, OF ALL THE IMPORTANT PEOPLE WHO HAD CANCER IN HULK’S LIFE. HALF DIED. THE OTHER HALF SURVIVED. SIMPLE MATH. AGAIN, A RANDOM PROCESS WITH TWO POSSIBLE RESULTS. THAT’S WHAT THE MOVIE MEANS. SO THAT’S WHAT THE TITLE CAN MEAN TOO.
OBJECTIVELY SPEAKING 50/50 IS A MOVIE WORTH SEEING. IT IS A WELL-MADE, FUNNY, EMOTIONAL WITHOUT NECESSARILY BEING SAD, AND CHANCES ARE YOU WILL ENJOY IT.
UN-OBJECTIVELY SPEAKING, THIS WAS A MOVIE HULK NEEDED IN HULK’S LIFE.
AND THAT’S OKAY.
MOVIES ARE PERSONAL.
WARNING! THIS COLUMN DETECTS HIGH LEVELS OF GAMMA RADIATION IN THE FORM OF OVER-INDULGENT SELF-AIMED ANALYSIS!
SO YESTERDAY THERE WAS A BIT OF A DISCUSSION ON TWITTER ABOUT HULK, THE HULK-SPEAK, AND WHETHER OR NOT HULK SHOULD DROP IT ALL TOGETHER AND GO PERMANENT BANNER-MODE FOR THE SAKE OF EVERYONE’S BLISS.
ON ONE SIDE, A GOOD DEAL OF REALLY SMART PEOPLE FIND IT GIMMICKY, DISTRACTING, AND LIMITING. ON THE OTHER SIDE, THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO SEEM TO REALLY DIG IT. A STUNNING AMOUNT OF PEOPLE WEIGHED IN ON THE TOPIC, INCLUDING SOME OF HULK’S MOST VOCIFEROUS READERS, AS WELL AS A GREAT MANY OF HULK’S FAVORITE CRITICS, ONES THAT HULK HAS READ, LOVED, AND RESPECTED FOR YEARS. NOT TO MENTION A BEVY OF WORKING FILM PROFESSIONALS AND WRITERS , INCLUDING BUDDING UBER -PRODUCER KEITH CALDER (BEHIND SOME GREAT FILMS LIKE THE WACKNESS AND THE APPARENTLY FANTASTIC YOU’RE NEXT ON THE WAY) AND EVEN, GULP, THE UTTERLY-BRILLIANT EDGAR WRIGHT.
THE IDEA THAT HULK WOULD BE A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION AMONG THESE PEOPLE DOES NOT EVEN QUALIFY AS HUMBLING, BUT OUTRIGHT STUPEFYING. IT IS THE KIND OF SURREAL MEASURE OF FATE THAT CAUSES HULK TO QUESTION EXISTENCE. IS HULK REALLY HERE? IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING?
BUT AS DUMB AND WHOLLY UNINTERESTING AS ADDRESSING THIS CONCERN IS, THE PROBLEM IS THAT THE ISSUE HAS GROWN ENOUGH IN SIZE TO BECOME THE PROVERBIAL ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM. AS SUCH IT IS TIME TO TALK ABOUT IT WITH YOU, THE READER, AND EXPLAIN WHY EXACTLY HULK DOES WHAT HULK DOES.
DIRECTLY REFERENCING THE CONUNDRUM ON THE BLOG MAY SEEM SORT OF WEIRD AND DEFINITELY SELF-INDULGENT. HULK JUST WANT TO ASSURE YOU THAT THE GOAL HERE IS NOT TO HULK TO BE LIKE “HERE’S WHY HULK IS AWESOME!” BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE ABSOLUTELY MORTIFYING.
NO, THE GOAL IS HERE IS ONLY TO JUSTIFY WHY THIS IS HAPPENING AND TO DO THAT HULK WOULD HAVE TO EXPLAIN WHY HULK BELIEVES IN THE HULK BLOG. AND THAT CAN GET A TAD CLOYING FOR SOME, HULK UNDERSTAND.
PERHAPS MORE WORRYING IS THE DREADED ISSUE OF “OVER-EXPLAINING THE JOKE.” BUT SINCE OVER-EXPLAINING THE JOKE IS SORT OF WHAT HULK DOES HERE, PERHAPS IT’S TIME TO DIRECT IT INWARDS. AFTER ALL, HULK HAS SPENT MORE TIME THINKING ABOUT THE WHOLE CIRCUMSTANCE THAN ANYONE ELSE ON THE PLANET.
SO IN EFFORT TO PUT IT BEHIND US, IT IS NOW TIME FOR HULK TO GIVE YOU A DECENT ANSWER.
THE FIRST THING YOU SHOULD UNDERSTAND IS THAT HULK HONESTLY GETS THE FACT THAT ALL-CAPS WRITING CAN HARD TO READ. THIS MAY JUST HAVE TO BE A GIVEN. AND CONCERNING THE DISJOINTED SENTENCE STRUCTURE AND GRAMMAR HULK DID YA’LL A SOLID AND ADOPTED THOSE PESKY THINGS LIKE PREPOSITIONS, APOSTROPHES, AND THE ALL-TOO CRITICAL WORD “IS.” THAT’S RIGHT, HULK LEARN GOOD! BUT REALLY IF YOU’RE GONNA READ 10,000+ WORDS THERE HAS TO BE SOME MEASURE OF MEETING YOU HALFWAY. WHAT THIS MEANS IS THAT RIGHT NOW, ALL HULK IS REALLY DOING IS JUST SWITCHING OUT “I” FOR “HULK” AND TURNING ON CAPS LOCK… OTHERWISE YOU’RE JUST READING REGULAR OLD ENGLISH… DISAPPOINTING, HULK KNOW… THOUGH HULK WON’T DENY USING A FEW MOMENTS OF WELL-TIMED, TRUE-BLUE HULK SPEAK FOR A CHEAP JOKE. BUT COME ON, WHO COULD RESIST THAT?
AS FOR THE CHARGE THAT HULK IS MERELY WRITING IN-CHARACTER AND THIS SOMEHOW IMPLIES A LACK OF VERACITY OR THE ABILITY TO TAKE WHAT IS BEING SAID SERIOUSLY, HULK ARGUES THIS A BIT OF A MISS-CHARACTERIZATION.
FOR STARTERS, THERE HAS NOT BEEN A SINGLE THING THAT HULK HAS WROTE THAT WASN’T SOMETHING TRUE IN HULK’S HEART OF HEARTS. THE CONTENT IS GENUINE. HULK HOPES THIS IS MADE CLEAR PARTIALLY BY THE FACT THAT HULK GETS TO WRITE ABOUT WHATEVER THE HECK HULK WANTS. THERE IS NO PRESSURE FOR HITS. HULK MAKES ABSOLUTELY ZERO MONEY OFF OF THIS THING. IN FACT, HULK WORKS 60+ HOUR WEEKS AND SQUEEZES MOST OF THIS WORK IN WHEN HULK SHOULD BE SLEEPING. WHICH MEANS, VERACITY OF INTENTION IS THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS HERE.
ADMITTEDLY, THERE IS AN ADDED BENEFIT TO BEING THE HULK AND THAT IS THAT HULK IS UNIQUELY FREE OF CERTAIN POLITICAL EXPECTATIONS OF BEING “A CRITIC.” HULK IS INSTEAD THOUGHT OF AS SOME SORT OF GENIAL, AMORPHOUS BEING THAT LIVES IN THE INTERNET TUBES AND LIKES MOVIES AND SHIT. THE FREQUENT CHARGE AGAINST CRITICS IS THAT THEY CARRY PERSONAL VENDETTAS, SOMETHING THAT IS RARELY TRUE, BUT DUE TO HULK’S NEBULOUS QUALITY, HULK IS NEVER CHARGED WITH ULTERIOR MOTIVES. THAT IS BECAUSE THE HULK CAN BE ANYTHING: THE WILD RAMBLING ID OF THE MOVIEGOER. THE JESTER OF THE COURT. HULK CAN BE YOU JUST AS YOU CAN BE HULK. THERE IS A DISTINCT VALUE TO THIS ANONYMITY OF BEING THE GIANT GREEN ONE, TO WIT THE AMAZING RESPONSE OF ONE DAMON HOUX:
A GREAT HUMAN TRUTH AND ADMITTEDLY, ONE OF THE DISTINCT ADVANTAGES TO BEING THE HULK… BUT IT’S ALSO CRITICAL TO MENTION THAT’S NOT THE REASON WHY HULK DOES IT. NO, IT COMES FROM SOMEWHERE A LITTLE MORE INNOCENT AND PERHAPS SILLY. YOU SEE, OVER THE LAST YEAR AND HALF THERE IS SOMETHING THAT HULK HAS UNDOUBTEDLY LEARNED:
EVERYONE LOVES THE HULK.
AND WHY THE FUCK WOULDN’T THEY? HULK NOT TALKING ABOUT HULK-SELF, BUT THE IDEA OF THE HULK. ISN’T THERE SOMETHING SO LOVABLE ABOUT THE BIG GREEN GUY? THE WAY THE HULK IS IMPLICITLY YOUR FRIEND; A KIND OF BLUNT INSTRUMENT OF DOE-EYED INNOCENCE COMBINED WITH OUT OF CONTROL SMASH-TASTIC CAPABILITIES. THE HULK IS THE PROVERBIAL BULL IN A CHINA SHOP, OR THE UNBREAKABLE MARE. BUT THE SECRET HUMAN TRUTH OF THESE WILD AND OUT OF CONTROL ANIMALS IS THAT DEEP DOWN, MOST EVERYONE JUST WANTS TO CALM THE ANIMAL DOWN AND CONNECT TO THE SPIRIT INSIDE. WE SEE THIS TROPE ALL THE TIME IN MOVIES, HECK IT’S CLICHE AT THIS POINT, BUT IT SPEAKS TO OUR OWN NATURE: WE’RE ATTRACTED TO BIG STUPID THINGS THAT WIELD ENORMOUS POWER. AND IT’S SOMETIMES EASY TO FORGET THAT THE HULK IS OBVIOUS SUPERHEROIC RIFF ON JEKYLL/HYDE AND THEREFORE IT’S PLACE OUR OTHER PSYCHE. IT MAKES FOR THE EASIEST POSSIBLE REPRESENTATION OF OUR OUR HIGH / LOW SELVES.
IF ALL THIS SOUNDS LIKE A BIG CIRCLE JERK OF PONTIFICATING NONSENSE, HULK WOULD DISAGREE WITH YOU. ALL THIS IS AT PLAY IN OUR MINDS IT JUST HAPPENS RAPIDLY AND AT AN INSTANT. MOST OF YOU HAVE GOTTEN TO HEAR THE REAL HULK VOICE UNDERNEATH IT ALL, BUT REMEMBER THERE WAS ALL A MOMENT WHERE YOU FIRST HEARD ABOUT THE HULK BEING A FILM CRITIC AND THAT WAS LITERALLY ALL YOU KNEW. IN THAT INSTANT IT WAS A SINGULAR, SMALL, AND HOPEFULLY FUN CONCEPT THAT DREW YOU IN. HULK HAS GOT SEE IT HAPPEN HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF TIMES THROUGH THE BLOG AND TWITTER AND OVER THAT TIME THE PATTERN HAS BECOME OBVIOUS:
PEOPLE JUST FUCKING LOVE THE HULK.
PERHAPS IT’S BEST EXEMPLIFIED BY ONE OF HULK’S FAVORITE MOMENTS EVER: HULK TWEETED THE YOUNG ACTOR JOHN BOYEGA, OFFERING HUGE PRAISE OF HIS PERFORMANCE IN ATTACK THE BLOCK AND THIS WAS HIS RESPONSE:
JohnBoyegaJohn Boyega
Did the HULK just tweet me? I’m flipping honoured!!!!!! thanks big guy
BUT YOU KNOW WHO REALLY LOVES THE HULK MOST OF ALL?
HULK DID. GROWING UP ON A STEADY DIET OF MARVEL COMICS AND THE WONDERFUL TV SHOW THERE IS A REAL, TANGIBLE HISTORICAL AFFINITY HERE FOR THE BIG GREEN ONE. WHICH MEANS THIS WHOLE MATTER COULD HAVE BEEN SETTLED WITH A SIMPLE STATEMENT OF “BECAUSE HULK LIKES IT. THAT’S WHY!” BUT THAT WOULDN’T BE ALL THAT FAIR TO YOU.
SO IS BEING THE HULK SOMEHOW… CHEATING? A CHEAP GIMMICK?
YES AND NO.
IT IS A GIMMICK FOR SURE, THERE’S NO DENYING THAT IMPLICIT, WONDERFUL DRAW. BUT THE TRUTH IS IF HULK WAS JUST A CHEAP GIMMICK HULK WOULD BE CRACKING JOKES AND YA’LL WOULDA TUNED OUT BY NOW. THIS IS FOR CERTAIN. BESIDES, THESE LONG-FORM HULK ARTICLES ARE A SERIOUS UNDERTAKING SO REALLY IT’S ABOUT COMMITMENT AND PATIENCE. HULK TRULY TRIES TO OFFER YA’LL SOMETHING OF REAL VALUE WITH EVERY SINGLE POST.
OF COURSE, PART OF THE HULK JOKE IS THAT MOST PEOPLE COME EXPECTING THE DUMB-TALK SMASHY TIME, BUT THE ACTUAL CONTENT OF THE ARTICLES HERE ARE FAIRLY SOFT, MEASURED, AND THOROUGH. OH SURE THERE’S THE OCCASIONAL POINTED BARBS OR THINGS THAT REALLY DO SET OFF HULK’S SMASH MODE. BUT FOR THE MOST PART ,HULK TRYING TO PUT FORTH THE BETTER ANGEL OF HULK’S NATURE. A GENUINE OPTIMISM ABOUT MOVIES, THE INTERNET, YOU GUYS, AND OUR SHARED CULTURE.
HULK CANNOT STATE MORE CLEARLY: NONE OF THIS IS ABOUT ADORATION, BUT THE TRUE JOY OF CONNECTING WITH IDEAS. THE RESPONSES HULK HAS GOT FROM SOME OF YOU, LIKE FOR EXAMPLE THOSE WHO WROTE IN SAYING HOW HULK’S MYTH OF 3 ACT STRUCTURE PIECE CHANGED THE SHAPE OF YOUR WRITING AND HAD A REAL FREEING EFFECT, THAT IS THE BIGGEST KIND OF JOY ANYONE CAN RECEIVE. SERIOUSLY.
AND HERE’S ONE LAST TRUTH FOR YA’LL: OUTSIDE OF THE WONDERFUL PEOPLE IN HULK’S PERSONAL LIFE, HULK EMBRACING HULK’S INNER-HULK WAS THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO HULK… GOOD GOD THE HULK SPEAK IS REALLY NOT HELPING WITH THAT PARTICULAR SENTENCE, BUT WHATEVER.
THE POINT IS THAT HULK HAS GOTTEN TO CONNECT WITH SO MANY AMAZING PEOPLE ABOUT MOVIES, GOTTEN TO WRITE ARTICLES WITH BRAZEN GENIUSES LIKE TOM TOWNEND, AND HAD INTERACTIONS WITH PEOPLE WHOSE MOVIES HULK ADORES. AND IT SEEMS LIKE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF HULK’S READERS WHO COMMENTS ARE WONDERFUL, THOUGHTFUL INDIVIDUALS. HULK HAS EVEN SINCERELY TRIED TO READ EVERYTHING YOU’VE EVER SENT TO HULK AND HULK TRULY APPRECIATES THE INPUT. SOMETIMES WE TRULY LOSE SIGHT OF THE FACT THAT THE INTERNET IS WHOLLY POWERFUL THING, CAPABLE OF SUCH AMAZING CONNECTION. TRULY AMAZING.
SO WHAT THIS “HULK SPEAK” STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS BASICALLY COMES DOWN TO IS THAT THIS IS ULTIMATELY JUST A MATTER OF BEING “COOL WITH IT” OR “NOT COOL WITH IT.” THAT’S ALSO TOTALLY OKAY. IN FACT, IT’S WHAT HAPPENS WITH MOST THINGS.
SO HERE’S WHAT YOU SHOULD DO… WHEN YOU READ HULK’S BLOGS OR TWEETS OR WHATEVER THE HELL, GO WITH WHAT YOUR MIND FIRST JUMPS TO: A 12 FOOT TALL, GREEN, MUSCULAR BEING CRAMMED IN FRONT OF A LITTLE COMPUTER SCREEN AND POURING HIS HEART OUT ABOUT MOVIES. A HEART THAT IS, LIKE THE REAL HULK’S, GENUINE, HUMAN, AND REAL.
BECAUSE WHETHER YOU REALIZE IT OR NOT, THAT’S WHAT IS REALLY HAPPENING HERE.
YES, INTERNET, THERE IS A FILM CRIT HULK. THE HULK EXISTS AS CERTAINLY AS LOVE AND GENEROSITY AND DEVOTION EXIST, AND YOU KNOW THAT THEY ABOUND TO YOUR LIFE ITS HIGHEST BEAUTY AND JOY. ALAS! HOW DREARY LIFE WOULD BE IF THERE WERE NO HULK. IT WOULD BE AS DREARY AS IF THERE WERE NO YOU. THERE WOULD BE NO CHILDLIKE FAITH THEN, NO POETRY, NO ROMANCE TO MAKE TOLERABLE THIS EXISTENCE. WE SHOULD HAVE NO ENJOYMENT, EXCEPT IN SENSE AND SIGHT. THE ETERNAL LIGHT WITH WHICH CHILDHOOD FILLS THE WORLD WOULD BE EXTINGUISHED.
HULK COULD PERHAPS JUST LEAVE YOU WITH THAT SACCHARINE BIT OF USURPERY, BUT THAT WOULDN’T BE THE OVERLY-CAUTIOUS GREEN GUY YOU’VE COME TO KNOW. THE TRUTH IS THAT IF BEING THE HULK EVEN AFFORDS THE SLIGHTEST BIT OF IRREVERENCE AND CHILD-LIKE FUN TO BE HAD IN THIS ENTIRELY-TOO-DRAB ARENA WE CALL FILM CRITICISM, EVEN IF IT’S FUN JUST TO ONE PERSON, THEN EMBRACING THE INNER-HULK WAS ABSOLUTELY THE RIGHT DECISION.
HULK SPEAK STAYS.
NOW THAT THAT’S SETTLED, HULK CAN FINALLY GET BACK TO BUSINESS AND ADDRESS THE STUFF THAT’S ACTUALLY FUN FOR HULK TO WRITE AND FOR YOU TO READ. LIKE THE REVIEW OF JAMES GUNN’S SUPER COMING UP ALONG WITH THE MOST DRUNKEN, SARCASTIC THING HULK HAS WRITTEN YET. GOOD TIMES!
YOUR BULLISH, DOE-EYED, AND INHERENT FRIEND
-HULK
OKAY. LET’S STOP PUSSYFOOTING AROUND WITH THIS BECAUSE HULK IS NOT PLAYING NICE ANYMORE.
IN FACT, HULK IS FUCKING TIRED OF YOUR SHIT.
IF YOU ARE NOT WATCHING COMMUNITY, YOU HAVE TO START WATCHING COMMUNITY RIGHT NOW. THAT’S RIGHT, HULK MAKING YOU.
WHY THE SUDDEN URGENCY WHEN HULK HAS JUST PLAIN OLD “RECOMMENDED IT” BEFORE?
LAST WEEK, THE SHOW PREMIERED TO A MASSIVE RATINGS DROP.
… THIS IS A PROBLEM. THE SHOW CANNOT GO OFF THE AIR. HULK WILL GO INTO AN ABED-LIKE SHUTDOWN IF THIS SHOW GOES OFF THE AIR.
THIS A BIG PROBLEM FOR HULK AND GUESS WHAT? HULK’S PROBLEM IS YOUR PROBLEM [CRACKS KNUCKLES]
SO IF YOU HAVEN’T WATCHED THE SHOW, EITHER JUST JUMP INTO IT THIS WEEK (SOMETHING HULK WOULD USUALLY NEVER RECOMMEND BUT THESE ARE DESPERATE TIMES), OR IF YOU ARE LIKE HULK AND LIKE WATCHING THINGS FROM BEGINNING, GO OUT BUY THE DVD OF SEASON 1.
TODAY.
DO IT. CANCEL YOUR PLANS. ON THE WAY HOME AFTER WORK JUST BUY THE DVD. THIS SHIT IS NOT THAT EXPENSIVE AND REALLY, CAN YOU PUT A PRICE ON JOY? THEN WHEN YOU GET HOME GO AHEAD MAKE YOURSELF A NICE SANDWICH (YOU KNOW, THE ONE YOU LIKE) AND JUST START WATCHING. 8 EPISODES IN YOU WILL BE HOOKED (THE PILOT WORKS BETTER WHEN YOU SEE HOW THE SHOW ACTUALLY DEVELOP). HULK PROMISE.
IF HULK WRONG HULK AND YOU DO NOT LIKE THE FIRST SEASON, HULK WILL DONATE THE AMOUNT OF MONEY YOU SPENT ON DVDS TO CHARITY. SERIOUSLY.
IN FACT, HULK SO SERIOUS THAT AT THE END OF THIS COLUMN THERE WILL BE TRIVIA AND IF YOU HAVEN’T WATCHED THE SHOW HULK WILL FUCKING BUY YOU SEASON 1 OF THE SHOW. HEAR THAT? THIS IS THAT SERIOUS. YOU ARE OFFICIALLY OUT OF FUCKING EXCUSES.
OH, WHAT’S THAT? YOU DON’T CARE WHAT HULK THINKS? YOU STILL AREN’T GOING TO DO IT? TOO LAZY?
FINE. HERE ARE 13 BLATANTLY OBVIOUS REASONS TO WATCH COMMUNITY:
1) IT IS CURRENTLY THE SMARTEST/FUNNIEST COMEDY ON TV
DO YOU LIKE SMART AND FUNNY THINGS? YOU SAY YOU DO. BUT APPARENTLY YOU FUCKING DON’T. WELL THE MAD GENIUS DAN HARMON HAS CRAFTED A BIZARRELY WONDERFUL SHOW FULL OF SCOPE, GENRE JUMPING HILARITY, SIMPLE HUMANITY, HIGH BROW/LOW BROW, AND CHOCK FULL OF ETHOS AND PATHOS.
2) ANNIE’S BOOBS AND ANNIE’S BOOBS
ONE IS A MONKEY AND THE OTHER IS BOOBS. THAT’S RIGHT, HULK WILLING TO GO SEXIST FOR COMMUNITY’S FUTURE AND THE SAKE OF YOUR VERY OWN EYEBALLS. THE POINT IS BOTH THE MONKEY AND THE BOOBS ARE GREAT.
3) FOR REALS ANNIE AND THE SHOW’S RESPECT OF FEMALE CHARACTERS
THE BETTER REASON TO WATCH COMMUNITY IS BECAUSE ALISON BRIE IS ACTUALLY HILARIOUS AS THE TIGHTLY-WOUND, OVERLY-STUDIOUS YOUNG ANNIE. DESPITE HULK’S ANNIE’S BOOBS COMMENT ABOVE, THE SHOW IS ACTUALLY ONE OF THE BEST IN TERMS OF IT’S TREATMENT/CREATION OF DYNAMIC FEMALE CHARACTERS. THIS IS NOT TO IMPLY THE SHOW IS A WEEKLY ESPOUSING OF GENDER IDEALS (IT IS A COMEDY AFTER ALL), JUST THAT IT TREATS ALL THE WOMEN ON THE SHOW AS DEEPLY TEXTURED, HUMAN, FLAWED, AND DISTINCTLY FUNNY PEOPLE. WHICH THIS DAY IN AGE IS, SADLY, REMARKABLE. AND ANYTIME IT DELVES INTO PLAYING UP SEXUAL ELEMENTS IS ALMOST ALWAYS IN THE NAME OF COMMENTARY.
THE POINT IS THE 3 WOMEN ON THE SHOW ARE HULK’S 3 FAVORITE CHARACTERS ON THE SHOW. CASE IN POINT…
4) BRITTA PERRY IS BEST CHARACTER ON TV
BRITTA BEST EXEMPLIFIES EVERYTHING THAT HULK WAS JUST TALKING ABOUT. SHE IS A PERFECT MIXED BAG OF GREAT INTENTIONS, AWKWARDNESS, BLINDING PALENESS, WHITE GUILT, FALSE CONFIDENCE, GORGEOUSNESS, ALL COMBINING INTO UNINTENTIONAL HILARITY. GILLIAN JACOBS IS SNEAKILY THROWING 99MPH RIGHT NOW. WATCH:
EH WHAT THE HELL. ONE MORE. THIS ONE GIVES A SENSE OF HER INTERPLAY WITH THE GROUP:
5) EVERY WEEK COULD BE THE BEST GENRE MOVIE YOU’LL SEE ALL YEAR
DO NOT MISTAKE WHAT COMMUNITY DOES AS MERE “REFERENCES” (THOUGH THERE ARE A SHIT TON OF THOSE TOO). THE SHOW DELVES INTO DIFFERENT GENRES FOR ENTIRE EPISODES, TRANSCENDING WHAT MAKES THOSE GENRES UNIQUE AND USING THEM TO COMMENT ON THEIR OWN CHARACTERS/STORIES/IDEALS. NO TV SHOW HAS EVER EVEN COME CLOSE TO DOING THIS AS WELL. ALREADY, THEY HAVE SUCCESSFULLY INTEGRATED THE FOLLOWING GENRES: MOB MOVIES, ACTION FILMS (“MODERN WARFARE” CANDIDATE FOR ONE OF THE BEST EPISODES OF TV EVER), CONSPIRACIES, WESTERNS, ZOMBIE MOVIES, CHRISTMAS CLAY-MATION SPECIALS, DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS (TOLD WITH LOTR STYLIZATION EVEN THOUGH IT’S JUST ALL OF THEM SITTING AROUND A TABLE TALKING. IT’S PERFECT), BOTTLE EPISODES, A TV CLIP SHOW MADE OUT OF ENTIRELY NEW MATERIAL, A PULP FICTION/MY DINNER WITH ANDRE MASH-UP, APOLLO 13, 2001, AND COUNTLESS, COUNTLESS OTHERS.
5) ABED
DANNY PUDI PLAYS ABED, THE SHOW’S BREAKOUT CHARACTER. HE SPENDS MUCH OF THE FIRST SEASON AS CONDUIT FOR META COMMENTARY AND DEADPAN SEMI-ASPERGIAN WIT, BUT THE SHOW SLOWLY, SOMEHOW MANAGES TO TURN THAT SEEMINGLY LIMITED PERSONALITY INTO OF THE MOST LOVABLE PEOPLE ON TELEVISION. WON’T LINK TO ANYTHING BECAUSE IT’S NOT WORTH RUINING IT.
6) DONALD GLOVER
DONALD GLOVER IS SO FREAKING TALENTED IT IS KIND OF NOT FAIR. SERIOUSLY, NOT ONLY WAS HE ON THE FOREFRONT OF INTERNET SKETCH COMEDY WITH DERRICK COMEDY, HE THEN WROTE FOR 30 ROCK’S FIRST 3 (AND BEST) SEASONS. THEN HE GOT A LEAD IN THIS AMAZING SITCOM (A ROLE TRANSFORMS BRILLIANTLY OVER THE COURSE OF THE SHOW). AND NOW GUESS WHAT? HE IS SIMULTANEOUSLY TOURING UNDER HIS HIP HOP ALTER EGO CHILDISH GAMBINO… AND DOUBLE GUESS WHAT? HE’S FREAKING REALLY, REALLY GOOD... IT’S KIND OF RIDICULOUS.
7) IT IS BETTER THAN THE BIG BANG THEORY
YOU LIKE NERDY THINGS? HULK LIKE NERDY THINGS TOO. WHO DOESN’T THESE DAYS? THE PROBLEM IS THAT EVERY WEEK THE BIG BANG THEORY MANAGES TO DESTROY COMMUNITY IN THE RATINGS. THIS IS A HUGE PROBLEM BECAUSE, WHILE THE BIG BANG THEORY IS WELL MEANING, HAS SOME LIKEABLE ACTORS ,AND DOES TECHNICALLY REFERENCE “STUFF” THAT HULK LIKES, THE SHOW IS 1) NOT THAT FUNNY 2) SAFE 3) CLOYING AND 4) A PRETTY BULLSHIT TREATMENT OF NERDS/NERD CULTURE. SERIOUSLY, IT’S PATRONIZING BULLSHIT. MEANWHILE, COMMUNITY MANAGES TO EXPLORE MANY OF THE SAME THINGS IN A FAR MORE PROFOUND WAY AND TREAT PEOPLE LIKE ACTUAL HUMAN BEINGS EXISTING IN A WORLD WITH OTHER HUMAN BEINGS (EVEN WHEN SHIT GETS CRAZY). THE BIG BANG THEORY IS A DINOSAUR STRAIGHT FROM THE MIND OF 80’S NERDISM.
EVIDENCE:
8 ) CHEVY CHASE PLAYS AN OLD RACIST MAN
REPEAT: CHEVY CHASE PLAYS AN OLD RACIST MAN.
NO OTHER INFORMATION NECESSARY.
9) YVETTE NICOLE BROWN PLAYS SHIRLEY, THE MOST UNDERREPRESENTED CHARACTER ON TV
YVETTE PLAYS A YOUNG, BLACK, CHRISTIAN MOTHER INTEGRATED INTO A GROUP OF PEOPLE WHO ARE TECHNICALLY NOTHING LIKE HER, TECHNICALLY CAN’T UNDERSTAND HER, AND YET THE SHOW COMPLETELY UNDERSTANDS HOW TO TREAT THAT DYNAMIC HONESTLY. YOU SEE, COMMUNITY DOES NOT USE SHIRLEY TO CRAM IN ANY HAM-FISTED IDEAS ABOUT RACE OR RELIGION. SHE IS NOT A MOUTHPIECE FOR ANYTHING, NOR MEANT TO REPRESENT ANYTHING. NOR DOES IT HAPLESSLY APE HER IDENTITY FOR COMEDY PURPOSES (AND ANY TIME IT DOES SO ARE GENIAL/LIGHT, OR PIERCE RELATED). NO, WHAT THE SHOW WANTS MOST OF ALL WITH SHIRLEY IS TO UNDERSTAND HER AND RELATE IN AS NON-CLOYING WAY AS POSSIBLE. HULK CONSIDERS THIS A TINY REVOLUTION IN TERMS OF TELEVISION’S USUAL STANCE. DAN HARMON REGULARLY ADMITS HE WOULD NOT KNOW HOW TO WRITE/REPRESENT SHIRLEY, AND SO HE MAKES THE SHOW ABOUT BOTH HOW THE CHARACTERS LEARN HOW TO RELATE TO HER, HOW TO RESPECT HER,AND MORE IMPORTANTLY HOW SHE MAKES DUE WITH THIS KIND OF EXISTENCE. SHE IS, OF COURSE, JUST A PERSON LIKE EVERYONE ELSE ON THE SHOW. YVETTE CLEARLY BRINGS SO DAMN MUCH TO THE ROLE, BUT THERE IS A KIND OF CULTURAL HONESTY AT PLAY WITH HER/SHIRLEY THAT IS FAR TOO RARE IN MEDIA THESE DAYS. OH AND IDENTITY POLITICS ASIDE, YVETTE IS A HILARIOUS WITH AMAZING RANGE AND CONTROL. WATCH:
AND WHEN THE SHOW DOES TACKLE RACE? IT OFTEN LOOKS MORE LIKE THIS:
10) KEN JEONG
AFTER HIS BRILLIANT TYRANNY IN SEASON 1, THEY HAVEN’T REALLY FIGURED OUT WHAT TO WITH HIM BUT THAT’S FINE. HE’S PLAYING A SPECIAL KIND OF BATSHIT THAT TRANSLATES BEAUTIFULLY AS PERHAPS THE BEST “JUST OFF FRAME” / “CUT TO” CHARACTER IN TV TODAY. EVIDENCE:
11) JIM RASH
IT IS A TESTAMENT TO JIM RASH’S ABILITY THAT HE IS NOW A PART OF THE MAIN CAST. HE PLAYS THE DEAN OF GREENDALE… JOHN GOODMAN CALLED HIM PANSEXUAL IN THE MOST RECENT EPISODE… THAT’S PROBABLY THE BEST DESCRIPTION. HE GETS BETTER AND BETTER WITH EVERY EPISODE. HULK’S FAVORITE MOMENT IS WHEN HE STEALS THE JEFF WINGER “COOL CAT” POSTER.
12) JOEL MCFUCKINGCHALE
COMMUNITY IS A TRUE ENSEMBLE, BUT THE GROUPS “LEADER” IS A DISGRACED LAWYER TRYING TO EARN A NOT-FAKE DEGREE. AND HE’S PLAYED BY ONE OF THE FUNNIEST PEOPLE ON THE PLANET: JOEL MCHALE. THERE IS PERHAPS NO ONE BETTER AT VOCAL INFLECTION, POINTED BARBS, AND DEFTLY WOVEN COMIC NARRATIVE THEN MCHALE. FYI, COMIC NARRATIVE IS WHEN YOU CAN EXTEND A SINGLE NUGGET OF AN IDEA/JOKE INTO A LARGER “NARRATIVE” OF A SINGLE SCENE/LINE/EXCHANGE . YES, IT’S IN THE WRITING BUT IT REALLY TAKES CERTAIN KIND OF PERFORMERS TO PULL IT OFF. LIKE THIS:
STILL, THE SHOW IS NEVER AFRAID TO PUT JEFF IN THE BACKGROUND WHEN NEEDED (ONE OF IT’S STRENGTHS) BUT IT WHEN IT PUTS HIS BEST SKILLS ON THE FOREFRONT? PERFECT COMBINATION OF CHARACTER/ACTOR. HERE IS THE FIRST OF HIS NOW-FAMOUS COMMUNITY “SPEECHES” FROM THE PILOT.
13) BECAUSE IF YOU DON’T WATCH IT WE HAVE FAILED AS A CULTURE
AS LITTLE AS TWELVE YEARS AGO, THE FUNNIEST AND BEST SHOWS WERE ALSO THE MOST WATCHED. SERIOUSLY. THE SIMPSONS? SEINFELD? BOTH DOMINATED. NOW THERE ARE CERTAIN REASONS THAT ALL RATINGS NUMBERS ARE DIPPING (MORE FRACTURED AUDIENCES, DVRS, PEOPLE WATCHING IN OTHER WAYS) BUT THAT DOES NOT NEARLY ACCOUNT FOR THE NUMBERS COMMUNITY IS EXHIBITING. FOR ALL PEOPLE’S B.S. TALK OF THE SHOW BEING TOO “META” OR INSULAR OR WEIRD, THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING DIFFERENT GOING ON FROM THE SIMPSONS OR SEINFELD. NONE. HELL, IT’S NOT EVEN COMING CLOSE TO THE MILE A MINUTE PACE AND CONSTANT REFERENCES OF THE SIMPSONS. THE ARGUMENT THAT IT IS SOMEHOW A CASE OF AVERSIONARY CONTENT HOLDING THE SHOW BACK, MAKES ABSOLUTELY NO DAMN SENSE.
SO WHAT THIS IS COMES DOWN TO IS THIS: YOU ARE NOT WATCHING IT BECAUSE YOU DO NOT REALIZE HOW MUCH YOU WILL END UP LOVING IT. SIMPLE AS THAT.
REALLY IT IS.
WHY? BECAUSE THAT’S HOW IT WAS FOR HULK.
THE FIRST SEASON ENDED AND HULK HADN’T WATCHED IT. OH HULK WAS STILL BUSY “SORT OF” WATCHING THE OFFICE AND DIDN’T “HAVE TIME” FOR COMMUNITY. ESPECIALLY SINCE HULK HAD WATCHED THE PILOT, WHICH WAS SOLID BUT NOT ENOUGH TO KEEP HULK COMING BACK (IN RETROSPECT, IT WAS BRILLIANT SET UP). IT BASICALLY TOOK A FRIEND’S INSTANCE THAT THE SHOW ABSOLUTELY HAD TO BE WATCHED. THEY DEMANDED. SO HULK GAVE IN AND NETFLIXED THE FIRST SEASON.
… HULK FINISHED IT IN 52 HOURS.
THEN HULK WATCHED THE SECOND SEASON AS IT AIRED AND WAS DELIGHTED BY THE FACT IT WORKS BEAUTIFULLY AS A WEEK-TO-WEEK SHOW TOO.
IT IS SIMPLY THE BEST COMEDY ON TV.
BUT SOMETHING HAS HAPPENED… WE’VE STOPPED WATCHING THE BEST COMEDIES ON TV… AND WE NEED TO CORRECT IT…. DESPERATELY.
YOU ARE OUT OF EXCUSES UNIVERSE.
SO FUCKING STOP IT.
WATCH THE SHOW OR HULK WILL SMASH YOUR ASS.
❤ HULK
P.S.! – BONUS TRIVIA FOR A FREE DVD OF COMMUNITY SEASON 1: WHILE THE TONE OF THE SHOW IS A BIT MADCAP, DAN HARMON FREQUENTLY CITES CHEERS AS A MAIN INFLUENCE ON THE SHOW. IN THAT SPIRIT THE FIRST PERSON TO ANSWER THESE FOUR QUESTIONS IN THE COMMENTS BELOW AND HAS NOT SEEN COMMUNITY BUT WANTS TO WILL BE SENT A FREE SEASON 1 COMMUNITY DVD BY HULK.
SO HERE GOES (IN ASCENDING DIFFICULTY): 1) WHAT WAS NORM’S WIFE NAME?
2) WHAT WAS THE NAME OF THE RESTAURANT ABOVE THE BAR?
3) WHO PLAYED THE CONMAN “HARRY THE HAT” AND WHAT OTHER POPULAR SITCOM DID HE GO ON TO STAR IN?
4) NAME THE TWO ITEMS THAT CLIFF CLAVIN KARATE CHOPS IN A DEMONSTRATION OF HIS MARTIAL ARTS ABILITIES? AND WHO CARRIES HIM UP THE STAIRS AFTERWARDS?
SOMETIMES IT’S NOT FAIR TO ADORE DAVID CRONENBERG… SPECIFICALLY TO DAVID CRONENBERG.
SEE, FOR THOSE OF US WHO LOVE EVERYTHING HE’S EVER DONE: HIS BODY HORROR, HIS TRANSCENDENT WORK IN THE FLY AND DEAD RINGERS, HIS CAR CRASH SEX EPIC, HIS SO-CALLED ARTISTIC “FAILURES”, HIS RECENT ACTION/DRAMA OUTPUT, HIS SENSE OF KUBRICKIAN CONTROL, HIS ECONOMY, HIS CAPACITY TO SHOWCASE UNCANNY VIOLENCE, HIS ABILITY TO BALANCE TONE, HIS ABILITY TO BE SIMPLY BE UNIQUE…
… IT CAN BE HARD FOR US WHEN HE JUST MAKES A GREAT, REGULAR MOVIE.
WHICH IS, OBVIOUSLY, SUPER UNFAIR TO HIM.
OH THERE’S REASONS THAT TOTALLY MAKE SENSE FOR CRONENBERG TO DIRECT A DANGEROUS METHOD. BUT THE FILM IS NOT THAT CRONENBERG-Y EVEN THOUGH IT’S TALKING ABOUT CRONENBERG-Y THINGS (IF THAT MAKES SENSE). DESPITE THE NATURE OF THE CONVERSATIONS AND THE OCCASIONAL GLIMPSE OF S+ M SEXY-TIME, IT’S THOROUGHLY RESERVED IN PRESENTATION AND TONE. THE PROBLEM IS CRONENBERG USUALLY USES RESERVATION AS BUILD UP BEFORE THESE MOMENTS OF UNRESTRAINED CHAOS AND THE ABJECT WEIRDNESS HE FAMOUS FOR… BUT THOSE MOMENTS NEVER REALLY COME. WHICH MEANS THE FILM IS SOMETHING ELSE. IT’S TALKY. IT’S PERIODY. IT’S HISTORICALLY ACCURATE. IT’S LOW-ENERGY. IT’S SORT OF CRONENBERG’S VERSION OF AN MERCHANT-IVORY PIECE.
BUT IT IS ALSO VERY, VERY GOOD. DO NOT THINK OTHERWISE.
THE PAST FEW YEARS WE’VE SLOWLY BEEN SEEING HIS TRANSITION FROM DAVID CRONENBERG, MAKER OF THE SHOCKINGLY UNIQUE, TO DAVID CRONENBERG, SERIOUS FILMMAKER. THIS IS NOT TO IMPLY HIS EARLIER FILMS WERE NOT “SERIOUS” BUT THE POINT IS YOU COULD SHOW NAKED LUNCH TO A REGULAR PERSON AND FREAK THE-LIVING-FUCK OUT OF THEM AND NOW HE’S MAKING THE KINDS OF MOVIES THAT PROBABLY WON’T. THIS IS OKAY FOR HIS FANS THOUGH BECAUSE HE’S STILL IMBUING HIS STYLE, CONTROL, AND “CRONENBERGNESS” INTO THESE MORE TRADITIONAL NARRATIVES. MORE IMPORTANTLY, IT TOTALLY WORKS.
BUT A DANGEROUS METHOD IS SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT. IT IS CERTAINLY A CONTINUATION OF THAT EVOLUTION AND THE TAMEST FILM HE’S EVER MADE, BUT THERE IS AN INTERESTING WAY THAT HE IS SHOWING US SOMETHING NEW:
A DANGEROUS METHOD IS ONE OF THE DRIEST COMEDIES YOU WILL EVER SEE.
VIGGO MORTENSEN, HULK SHIT YOU NOT, IS HILARIOUS AS SIGMUND FREUD. WATCHING HIM HULK REALIZED WE’VE NEVER REALLY SEEN MORTENSEN HAVE A WHOLLY COMIC ROLE BEFORE. KEEP IN MIND HE’S NOT DOING PRATFALLS OR ANYTHING- WAIT, NO THERE’S TOTALLY A PRATFALL, HULK TAKE THAT BACK… BUT THE POINT IS HE’S NOT DOING BROAD COMEDY. THIS IS DRY COMEDY. DEADPAN STARES, UNDERSTATED EXHIBITIONS OF GLARING EGO AND JEALOUSY, QUIET SHIFTS IN CONVERSATION ALWAYS COMING BACK TO THE PENIS. HULK READILY ADMITS THAT FAMILIARITY WITH FREUD IS ALMOST NECESSARY TO GET A LOT OF WHAT’S FUNNY ABOUT THE PERFORMANCE, BUT VIGGO AT ONCE DELIVERS SOMETHING THAT IS ORGANIC AND HUMAN AND YET SOMETHING THAT WHOLLY COMMENTS ON THIS LARGER-THAN-LIFE FIGURE. IT’S SMART, HILARIOUS AND MAYBE HULK’S FAVORITE PERFORMANCE OF THE YEAR.
MICHAEL FASSBENDER IS JUST AS GOOD. HIS CARL JUNG ALSO GETS MILEAGE OUT OF KNOWING ABOUT A LOT ABOUT THE EQUALLY LARGER-THAN-LIFE FIGURE, BUT THE PORTRAIT OF HIM AS A YOUNGER MAN IS FASCINATING: COMPASSIONATE, IDEALIST, YET REPRESSED, ACUTELY UNAWARE. THE COMPLETE PORTRAIT OF THE HYPOCRISY OF THE WELL-INTENTIONED MAN. BUT HE IS ALSO, YES, RATHER FUNNY. FASSBENDER MANAGES TO EVOKE LAUGHS FROM THE SIMPLEST AWKWARD BACK AND FORTHS WITH HIS WIFE, THE PLAYFUL ENTRANCES AND EXITS INTO ROOMS, AND THE WAY HE SERVES HIMSELF DINNER. WE’VE KNOWN FASSBENDER IS THE REAL DEAL FOR A FEW YEARS NOW, BUT IN THIS FILM WE GET YET ANOTHER WHOLLY DIFFERENT AUGMENTATION OF HIS SO-CALLED PERSONA. HIS RANGE SEEMS LIMITLESS.
KEIRA KNIGHTLEY IS A DIFFERENT SITUATION AND PROVIDES HULK AN OPPORTUNITY TO TALK ABOUT A WEIRD ISSUE THAT COMES UP WHEN PEOPLE DISCUSS PERFORMANCE:
THERE IS THIS FREQUENT CRITICAL COMMENT WHERE SOMEONE SAYS THEY “COULDN’T GET PAST” THE ACTOR TO SEE THE CHARACTER. HULK IS ALWAYS SORT OF SUSPICIOUS OF THIS COMMENT BECAUSE IT REEKS OF THINGS LIKE BIAS AND NOT UNDERSTANDING WHAT “ACTING” IS EVEN ABOUT. BUT FOR THE FIRST TIME IN YEARS, HULK SORT OF FELT THAT WAY. PLEASE UNDERSTAND, IT’S NOT SOMETHING LIKE HULK LOOKS AT HER SEES ELIZABETH SWANN EVERYTIME. IF FACT, HULK THOUGHT SHE ACTUALLY WONDERFUL IN ATONEMENT, BUT WITH THIS PERFORMANCE SPECIFICALLY THERE IS SOMETHING THAT DOESN’T TRANSLATE. WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO REALIZE IS IT’S NOT BECAUSE SHE IS SIMPLY “KEIRA KNIGHTLEY.” THAT WOULD BE WRONG ON EVERY CRITICAL LEVEL. EVEN IF HULK FELT LIKE HULK CAN’T GET PAST THE ACTOR, IT IS ALWAYS A MATTER OF SOMETHING ELSE MORE NUANCED. WHETHER IT IS A COMBINATION OF THE ACCENT OR DISTANCE HULK FELT FROM HER, HULK CANNOT LET THE AMBIGUITY FOR HULK’S REASONS MAKE IT COME SO HULK DEFAULTS TO SAYING SHE “MISCAST” OR SOMETHING.(1) HULK PROBABLY WAGER THAT IT IS MOST LIKELY THE FACT THAT MORTENSEN AND FASSBENDER ARE ABLE TO TELL THE EMOTIONAL STORY OF THE FILM WITH DEADPAN STARES AND LONGING EYES, WHILE KNIGHTLY HAS TO VERBALIZE HER TRAUMA/DRAMA/ID. AND EVEN STILL, THE PROBLEMS OF THE PERFORMANCE ARE NOT FROM LACK OF COURAGE. SHE THROWS HERSELF IN FULLY AND THAT IS MORE THAN ADMIRABLE.
BUT ANY PERFORMANCE SHORTCOMINGS ARE MADE UP BY THE FACT THAT HER CHARACTER, SABINA SPIELREIN, IS A REAL PERSON OF STUNNING HISTORICAL IMPACT AND ALL TOGETHER FASCINATING. IT IS INCONCEIVABLE TO HULK THAT HULK COULD KNOW SO MUCH ABOUT FREUD AND JUNG AND YET NOT KNOW OF SABINA AND HER INCREDIBLE IMPACT ON BOTH FIGURES, AS WELL AS HER IMPACT ON THE FIELD OF PSYCHOLOGY AT LARGE. THE FILM IS WORTH PRICE OF ADMISSION ALONE FOR THE HISTORICAL ILLUMINATION AND DOUBLES AS A GREAT COMMENT OF FEMINISM.
THUS, A DANGEROUS METHOD IS WORTH DOUBLE THE PRICE OF ADMISSION TO SEE CRONENBERG USE THIS HISTORICAL PRECEDENCE TO ALSO MAKE SOMETHING THAT IS ALSO WEIRDLY HILARIOUS. WHAT DOES A CRONENBERG HISTORI-COMEDY LOOK LIKE? SORT OF LIKE THE COEN BROTHERS MIXED WHATEVER MAKES TAYLOR HACKFORD MOVIES FUNNY…. HULK HAS NO IDEA WHAT THAT MEANS… THE POINT IS THAT THE EFFECT IS INTERESTING BUT NOT REVOLUTIONARY. AND PLEASE KEEP IN MIND THE FILM IS ALSO VERY SERIOUS AND OFTEN SAD. DON’T EXPECT WALL TO WALL LAUGHS, LIKE AT ALL, IT’S JUST THE COMEDIC ASPECTS STAND OUT TO HULK. IT’S FUNNY THE WAY KAFKA IS FUNNY.
SO REALLY THE ONLY LINGERING QUESTION IS HOW TO ACCEPT THIS CONSTANT EVOLUTION OF CRONENBERG, A FILMMAKER WHO DOES SOMETHING THAT IS SO PARTICULAR SO WONDERFULLY AND NOW HE HAPPENS TO BE DOING LESS AND LESS OF IT.
HULK AND HIS FANS DESPERATELY WANT TO SEE THE STRANGE THINGS THAT ENDEARED HIM TO OUR HEARTS AND INSTEAD? HE’S JUST INTERESTED IN DOING DIFFERENT THINGS.
WE STILL COOL, IT’S JUST PART OF THE PROBLEM OF ADORING CRONENBERG.
❤ HULK
ENDNOTES!
(1) THERE GREAT RECENT EXAMPLE OF SAYING CHRISTINA HENDRICKS MISCAST IN DRIVE. THIS IS INSANE. THERE IS A VERY, VERY SPECIFIC REASON SHE WAS CAST IN THAT ROLE AND HULK ARGUE IT HAS A HUGE EFFECT ON THE MOVIE. HULK WON’T SAY CAUSE IT SPOILER-Y. AND ATTENTION PERVERTS: IT’S NOT HER BOOBS.
RANDOM TRUE STORY: HULK’S FRIEND ONCE CREATED/T.A.’D A COLLEGIATE FILM STUDIES CLASS CALLED “IT CAME FROM CANADA! THE WORK OF DAVID CRONENBERG” WHICH QUITE SIMPLY HAS TO BE THE GREATEST NAME FOR A CLASS EVER.
